I Haven’t Written about Intimacy in Awhile


…because a panicdemic isn’t exactly an inspiration to intimacy.

IT’S A DIFFERENT WORLD SINCE I LAST REALLY POSTED ANYTHING!

I’m just going to say it. If you’re well and have faith in your immune system, know that you make antibodies as everyone does and feel like you can walk above the Fear Fray, HAVE SEX!

I’m above the fear fray. I’m incapable of following the crowd on this. Literally. I watch NO T.V. Because I know better. Being holistic, I know the facts about the body and take care of myself.  I don’t rely on doctors and their pills. I use herbs and take Chinese anti-viral herbs that make it impossible for a virus to go into your lungs. YEAH, THEY SHOULD BE ALL OVER THE HOSPITAL but there is no way Big Pharma would let Chinese herbs that work in there, even if they can save lives.

Being who I am, I know how to pretend I’m complying and then do the little actions and use the little wipes, hand washing like it’s a religion, social distancing, blah, blah, blah that everyone thinks is SO powerful and make my office smell like Lysol which is actually not good for us. I actually do it, probably more than the fear people because I coddle the fearful people too much. I feel sorry for them having no faith whatsoever in their bodies.

It’s because they THINK THAT and FEEL that that gives it power. I feel it already without the little anti-microbial everything. Someone do me and people LIKE ME a favor and have a better understanding of how your body really works and some FAITH in your very powerful immune system. We never get that satisfaction. We just get to see darting eyes behind and mask and FEAR oozing out of every part of your body while you walk really fast from the grocery store. Do you know how TOXIC that is?

This whole thing is killing intimacy of any kind and sex and I find it very, very sinister to the social fabric of humanity. We’ll see if they really intend to open up normal movement again. Just start doing it yourself quietly. If everyone does without making a fuss then who is going to stop them?

What is intimate is the virus itself. It’s microscopic folks. It’s smaller than any moisture cells that come out of your mouth during a sneeze. The mask everyone is making like Betsy Ross made the flag aren’t helping with anything. If you sneeze, the microscopic virus goes right through the fibers of the mask. Outside particles in the air go right into and through because they’re microscopic. The only mask that stops it is N95 and I have one. A healthcare worker gave it to me so I could work on her. It’s asphyxiating meaning it works to keep out the virus. Oxygen can barely get in which means nothing in the air is getting in. That’s how you know it works. And you could faint wearing it. So the masks that do work don’t allow you to breathe. There’s a quick death. The whole mask issue is one of psychological false sense of security. If your vibe is full of fear you weaken your immune system.

Anyway…your mind (thoughts and feelings) control your immune system. There are all kinds of nasties, every day of your life in your body that if multiplied, would kill you quickly. Mammals are full of destructive microbes! All the time! We don’t die because our immune systems are 1 million years old of brilliant and are on vigilant guard and go after anything that gets out of line UNLESS, we tell them to stand down and let the killing begin. Meaning, you, the host, feel weak and sad and want to die. That doesn’t usually happen but this would be a good time to split if you felt like it. No one would question you, no hassle. The virus would be blamed, you would not be.

I feel the lack of intimacy and socializing is worse for people than the virus. We are meant to be together. This distrust of our bodies and the immune system is nonsense. That said if you feel weak and full of fear you should stay home because your vibe is toxic. Maybe not just now but all the time. You’ve got some meditating to do and choices to make about your relationship with Life.

Intimacy; Gray Area Between Relationship and Hookup?


I have to admit, if I’m not looking for a committed relationship with a man I don’t pay much attention to personality. I’m looking for attraction for sex or a lover. Men are no different with women.

Having touch and sex is a health issue. We all need it! I’m not throwing guilt in there but I do notice that the emotional detachment  with a man turns me off no matter how hot he is. I appreciate the beauty of a man though just as much as men do with women. Yet, it’s not even close to being like love.

Things get tricky when a man is your friend and you have things in common and have known each other for awhile. If he has a disposable hookup habit with women who are not friends how will he handle sex with a friend? Another notch only meaner? He gets double points for disposing of a female friend? Ultimately, she’s only a woman and nothing stops him from devouring as much as he can for free?

Being women, we do have the ability to make a man fall in love with us by loving him from the heart, talking to him and being irresistibly sexy even while we’re a free spirit and have no intention of having him on a hook. Personally I have no desire for a man around just as I have no pet in the house. I’m busy with the work I love. But I’m not sure I want the burden of a man in love with me to weigh me down.

I think you have to be ready to lose the friendship on the sex altar. It happens on the attraction and flirting altar too. That just ended one of my friendships. We didn’t even have sex but we may as well have because the energy and affection were there…then it left. It was his doing because he decided to hookup with someone else much easier to handle, blonder,and more tattooed likely with piercings in all the gross places. Lol. She was his level.

There is a gray area in there somewhere. I just haven’t found the sweet spot. Que sera sera.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Intimacy; Hip to Be a Ho?


It’s all socially permissible and fine for women and men to be promiscuous now. Everything has changed in the last few years. I include men in the Ho category. In fact they seem to feel privileged to be so detatched. I find that doubtful.

Women my age are as hot as ever and the younger men like us because we’re more skilled and can’t get pregnant. Add to that we know what food to eat so our body fluids are tasty. That’s not something most younger women think about because they assume their pheremones have their sexual superiority to us all tied up in a pretty bow.

My generation was not raised to feel perfectly fine about pure sex with no love and I still don’t. But it’s not a happy thing for a woman to go so long without sex that she starts to tighten up to the point of re-virginization. It makes intercourse painful.

The problem there is, as all women know, you could wait forever and slowly become a nun before you find a man with an open heart, emotional skills and capable of intimacy. A woman could easily get stuck hanging out with her gay boyfriend and gay husband like Stanny was to Carrie on “Sex in the City”. Remember how long Carrie had to wait for Big to really love her and then marry her?

So, mainly for health reasons, women and men become Ho’s and have sex outside of love, commitment, and a relationship most of the time. I’m not judging it. I just did it and I wasn’t turned on at all. I walked into the kitchen and said to myself, “I have to live with myself. This is the way I am,” meaning I don’t get turned on unless there is some love and affection, kissing, and matching vibe. I’ve never been superficial or very promiscuous.

Mind you, this man was 6’2″, his body was not just a 10 but more like a 12, perfect manhood, knew what he was doing, brought me coffee and muffin and had luscious lips. And he enjoyed my body and said so! I love my body too. So what! I don’t need his approval.

Nothing. I felt nothing. He was the most detached lover I’ve ever had and I felt sorry for him. He may have actually been a professional because he had the looks and the skill.

I’d rather be celibate. There is nothing I hate more than a man who is hot and utterly emotionally uninvolved with me. This is all feels unfair. If I don’t want my womanhood to close up I have to resort to nonbonded sex with someone I barely know? Do you know how many dumb dates I’ve had with trolls? Why can’t men open their hearts more and get with the program? “Ho ho ho” and it’s not even Christmas.

Intimacy; You’re not necessarily in a relationship just because you have sex.


just friends

 

What I’m seeing men do is, instead of doing a series of hook-ups, they decide to be monogamous with one woman. Then the assumption is that is a relationship. No, it’s not; not if you don’t have feelings for one another. It’s just an ongoing hookup which is not a relationship.

You’re in a relationship if you have an ongoing friendship, you care about one another, and you hang out and go out, you love talking to one another, you help each other out sometimes and you eat together. That might include sex, it might not. It might be intermittent sex or not. The man or woman’s sexual behavior does not define the parameters of what a relationship is.

It’s time for women to step up and speak up! We need to accept that sexual communication IS a relationship to men and they don’t understand anything much deeper or how to go about it. Women understand emotions and bonding moreso and absolutely need to mix that in with the sex. But we still should not let the man say, “We had sex so you’re my territory.” Maybe you’re just dating. Sex is just part of dating.

Women are territorial sexually as well but my point is, the emotional friendship bond is what really creates an ongoing relationship; not sex. That should be perfectly obvious given how many people have hook-ups and it means nothing. For that matter, sex doesn’t define marriage either.

Heartset; Men Blame Women for Giving in to Sex if the Man Really Wants Connection


How are we supposed to know off the bat that a man is truly interested  in us? He’ll behave like a gentleman and not a horny dog in the alley. He’ll dress nice and take us on a date. The same could be true of a woman. She wants to know who you are not just use you for sex even though you’re throwing yourself at her.

The horny men almost always start it up and expect the woman to control the situation so that a deeper relationship might be possible because the men need bonding more than we do! Women rarely get lonely; men do. Then the man needs to control his sexual compulsion and not blame the woman for the direction it goes. Women just as easily use men for sex if that’s all they’re bringing to the table.

The way nature works; once you start something with a woman we’re going to finish it! Men need to control and FOCUS their sexual fire, like the Sun.

“If a man adores one special flower, he must FOCUS his light in that corner of the garden and breathe. Otherwise, once the sun comes out, all the flowers are going to open. Don’t blame the flower for opening to the Sun. The Sun started it! You can always go behind a cloud or turn to rain! The flower is rooted in the earth and can’t change or move. The Sun can!”

flower garden.jpg

Heartset; Three Types of Heterosexual Relationships


man and woman

The only one of these that is a real relationship is #3. The first two are sexual objectification. But by most people’s standards, #1 is a real relationship and is considered prison by many men but socially increases his status. Really, any man who prefers #2 will say he doesn’t want a relationship with a woman and will slut himself out to a woman handily. I’ve had male friends tell me that if a man is good looking enough, every man prefers #2 and that a loving relationship is absolutely off the table with the likes of any woman. These men are true immature narcissistic misogynists but ever so common. I guess it’s better then that they don’t mate.

I will admit that much of what I’ve observed about female behavior is societal programming for survival. Nevertheless, I’ve watched this for over fifty years and I believe it’s time for us to make a real leap in gender equity and get past the first two objectifying roles I describe.

  1. TERRITORY; A married woman, the mother of his children, a wife. They feign love but it rarely lasts as we all know. They are using each other for security and to raise children. There is no real love, the male mostly behaves as one of the children and the wife functions in the role of mother for everyone. This is typically pretty bad for women and good for men. Women get less healthy and men get healthier is what stats show. The reward is the woman has her children. The woman is still objectified and their sex life can easily become either boring or emotionally abusive and neglectful. This one is the outgrowth of religion.
  2. Hookup; A woman, especially these days, is sanctioned and appreciated by a man as a hook-up, a mistress, a lover, or a prostitute. She then gets roses or money. There is no relationship, no friendship, no respect, no real love at all. There is no emotional or spiritual maturity on the part of either the man or the woman. They’re just using each other for sex. This is defecation sex. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. They both function at the teenager level emotionally, indulging in their lust and not valuing self-control or bonding at all. This one is the outgrowth of the abuses of patriarchy and materialist society.
  3. LOVE; Two emotionally and spiritually mature adults function as equals in all respects and truly love one another. This one is rare but is now possible with the shift in the energies on the planet of late. It also underlies the Twin Flame 11:11 phenom and some soul mates.  They shoot for living from their core self, have dignity, take care of themselves on every level and are monogamous. It’s not a possession, territory or defecation sex. It’s a true love bond chosen freely by both parties. He is a grown man and she is a grown woman, emotionally mature, loving themselves, no longer living in the subconscious family mind but the CONSCIOUS adult mind that is no longer dependent on the immediate family. This one is the outgrowth of Spirituality.

Women who don’t objectify themselves in a monogamous heteronormative domestic servitude relationship or a promiscuous sexual life feeding men’s sex hunger and apparently their own, with no emotional or spiritual involvement from them as an adult male, are punished or ignored. Her only reward for her dignified choice is self-esteem and sitting in her own soul. Likely, her exemplary work paves the way for exponential competition and jealousy from more timid women beaten down by the system. She will somehow be roundly punished socially by the endless followers who think themselves good people but are really skating by instead of doing the right thing and empowering themselves.

#3 is the only real option for people who value love and still believe in it and want to do it. The challenge is that you have to work on yourself and stop expecting your mate or children to make you happy on an emotional/spiritual level. Sexually, yes, it is the adult’s role to satisfy you sexually and vice versa or there isn’t much point unless you’re both asexual. Some people are and have a different motivation for a relationship other than sex. To each his own!

 

 

Heartset; Real Dating Strikes the Fear of God in Men


That’s why so many men want to go to sex right away. They don’t want to show their lack of people skills, expressing emotion, or relationship skills to a woman. Dating is a gray area with no fences, rules or customs that change with passing time. Men thrive with boundaries and go down the tubes if they’re free to roam too much or too long. It’s the time when the female pulls out all of her expertly evolved radar and sizes up a man, checks him with her software and smells him to see if he’s useful for her purposes or worth giving her body to. That is if she’s smart. Remember, every man who comes in you gives you some of his DNA. It’s a scientific fact.

Mind you, a woman at any age can find a use for a man that suits her and we believe, and I’ve been told, men want us to want them. It’s not really the other way around. Men’s egos tell them they’re on top. Most women are easily acceptable to a man, especially if she’s very into him and is adoring. A man’s ego loves that more than anything. Women don’t need to be adored; men do. I’m super doting on a man I adore. It’s fairly nauseating and I can scarcely help it! To a man I don’t adore he doesn’t exist. That can be a heartbreaker but he had his chance to be invaluable to me and didn’t make the cut. In addition, I blogged on how I don’t care for the pressure of being adored by a man.

This is why dating is so awful for men and essential for women. Men really, really, really hate rejection and not measuring up. They have the evolutionary urge to be dominant, especially with women. I personally like that because as a strong woman, I need a break. I need support and someone to match me.

Women don’t experience that obsession with being accepted the same as men. All women I know of every size, look, or creed knows we hold the world together and give it love and life. Women are awesome and everything. So to be fair to men, they have to be given a chance to perform the dance in which they excel during dating; sex. I’m good with that as long as both parties know it’s an experiment not a relationship with commitment and tons of emotional bonding. It’s too early in the game. However, the man’s sexual performance will not impress an intelligent, tuned-in woman unless there is some emotional chemistry. That is non-negotiable and a deal-breaker if it’s absent.

This is a veritable minefield for most men as they do not excel at understanding or communicating emotion at all. It’s too easy for them to fail. That is an awful 4-letter word to a man. A few straight men do get emotions and they are super hot to me but most men are unskilled because feminism has distracted women from bothering with training men. Most women consider it beneath us now and many women just use men for sex. They don’t even want children or marriage anymore.

That’s a choice so I’m not judging it. Patriarchy has been especially hard on women and children but it has also been very hard on men. The elite use and slaughter men, their psyche, and their bodies and they partly program women to help them do it! That’s a subject for another blog but suffice to say, a modicum of dating needs to happen so that the woman gets what she needs and it’s not just McSex drive through which is bad for everyone and society. It’s up to women to ask for what they need as far as relating. Just don’t call it a relationship when you barely know each other! A relationship is built on affinity, friendship, maturity, trust, and emotional bonding; not just sex…at all.

Heartset; “I care about you too but…”


I’ve heard this line from the last five men I’ve dated. I think it’s a MINIMUM expression of emotional involvement, fake or not to try to get sex. Meaning, he’s not going to have any feelings for you UNLESS he has sex with you. I’m not judging that. It’s very male. That’s how feelings come about for a guy…sex. They are a wall when it comes to relational feelings. Women shouldn’t even want relational feelings from a man at the beginning. It’s a black hole. As far as I can tell, they need feelings of lust for a woman or there is literally nothing happening. They may be into you on ALL other levels but if they don’t lust for you they don’t want you. From my observation, they need to lust specifically for your breasts, crotch, or ass. The rest is negotiable. That gets their feelings going.

The problem here for men is, they think if they have major feelings of lust for a woman there could be a relationship. That is the doggone damndest, dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. That’s what gets men in trouble and highly used and thrown by manipulative women.

That’s the compromise for women. We’re relational and intuitive and can know our feelings super easily without sex. That said, sex can ruin our feelings for a guy too if he’s too sexually selfish or just doesn’t “get” us or our body. My feelings evaporate for any man, no matter how princely he is if he doesn’t care whether or not I come. That’s just a freaking abomination to everything alive on the planet.  Don’t ever do that, guys!

In addition, don’t insult the life I’ve made for myself by assuming that just because I like you, care about you as a friend and want to have sex with you that I want a relationship prison; either boyfriend/girlfriend or even possible marriage. Just slow down! There has to be some in-between space with a guy. There are lots of gray areas between, “I care about you as a friend” and “I’m very attracted to you let’s have sex.” Don’t assume meanings to any of that and run the other way. It’s up to two people to decide how things play out. You have to discuss it. Again, discussion is not a strong point for men but they have to mature in this aspect.

I think many men are most emotionally comfortable having sex with a woman they don’t really love or care about but just lust for; keeping in mind that they call that a feeling. Like, “I feel like I have to take a dump” feeling. I call it defecation sex. It feels great and means nothing. Generally, they don’t want to have sex with a woman they do care about because that complicates emotions for him that he doesn’t understand and can’t control as well as a woman can. It’s too possible the woman could lasso him without his seeing it coming.

Are his actions loving? Because he can say all kinds of bs just to get laid. I’ve had one good friend admit to me that it is SO easy to lie to women. Just tell them what they want to hear! It’s very easy for them to lie to women because we’re hungry for affection, even desperate and love flattery. We get NO LOVING TOUCH from a man. They are usually takers, not loving givers and that makes many women feel desperate. Women need to reign that in and get more realistic about men and figure out how to take care of themselves.

If a man says he doesn’t want a relationship but lets you know he sometimes does hook-ups, his values are wrongminded or he has low self-esteem. Either that or he’s lying because he doesn’t even do that! It’s no different than a woman who is all too eager and willing to do hook-ups. It’s very common. He’s ambitious then and trying to get something back that he lost; part of his ego, part of his psyche where he thought he understood what real love was. He has conditions on himself. He didn’t think he was good enough. He got hammered by love and commitment and maybe financially as well. Then he has unresolved insecurities from his ex that he hasn’t let go of. In no way is he ready to love a new woman and I’d stay clear. I would say move on then. He’s probably still in love with her if not based on facts or actions on her part, then to kid himself that no matter how horrible she treated him, she still wants him back. Women do it too with men but women find it much easier to move on from breakups than men do because we understand emotions.

It’s all a conundrum isn’t it, this bonding. But we keep trying.

being alone

 

 

 

 

Heartset; If You Don’t Give Him Sex When He Suggests It, You May as Well Not Exist.


cropped-divorced_couple_credit_inesbazdar_via_wwwshutterstockcom_cna_9_3_15.jpgUse your intuition on this one. Keep in mind the men are double-minded on this issue and may not even be aware that they are. Meaning, you’ll hear gender equity pronouncements and exhortations to be direct, honest, and yourself in public and on social media and another thing in private one-on-one. In private, if they are sexually attracted to you, they want or need you to take a back seat, be a hot little girl, never ask for anything emotionally, behave more graciously and not so opinionated and don’t initiate so much. Absolutely do not show that you are as smart or smarter than them.

I think part of the issue is men feel gypped by our society for not getting as much sex as they need the way they need it. Men need more interest and fun far more than bonding. Instead, the predominance is on talking and relationships which is women’s way. That’s called civilization and sex isn’t civilized? I think men truly resent it. On the other hand, women appreciate it because we can then use our energy for other things we care about and aren’t beholden or as likely to get pregnant. Most women truly need to be treated with love and care and not so much as sex objects in marriage and out.

Straight men who let you know that they are in no way interested in a relationship before the sexy talk are telling you that there is no way they will ever consider you a human being or even a friend. They are saying, “If you don’t have sex with me when I suggest it, you need to drop off the face of the earth. This exchange has expired because I have no use for you.” They will also lie to you about loving you as a friend. The only men who love you as a friend are gay. To try to wiggle out of their pronouncement of loving you as a friend they will lie about moving and even claim a family member died as an excuse for not calling you when they said they would. These men are wounded and internally weak.

They endorse lying and will say anything in any way shape or form and act an Academy Award-winning performance to scam money and sex in any way they can. They know how to make women love them and then take them for all they’ve got. Usually, they’ve never been married and have no children.

They are not mature enough to consider a woman a friend and lover with no other agreements, commitments, or contracts which they should if they were smart. It would put them on the high road and prove that they can take care of themselves and know how to love. They not only don’t want a commitment, they feel they have the right to ask for sex and then feel no human connection to you whatsoever. They are died-in-the-wool misogynists. Most likely they are narcissists or borderlines as well with a history of childhood abuse that they refuse to forgive.

I know how to work this type of man for as long as I need to in order to confirm their disorder because I suspect they’re working me. Then I’m done because I have ambitious work to do as well. It’s just an experiment on my end. I’m studying them in this gender-biased simulation we live in, no emotion whatsoever. The problem is, it’s much easier for them to do a hook-up and get what they need but not so for me; in fact the opposite.

Heartset; We Can Get a Room…


puzzle-klimt-eventail-index

Most women suck it up even though they don’t want to right away. What if you haven’t met him yet? What if you’ve just talked long distance for a long time? I have to get a vibe in person with a guy. I freakin’ don’t get why guys don’t care about that! They should. I did in the past but I’m not doing it anymore because I deserve to be turned on the way I get turned on. The pleasure of sex is for women also.

I understand and respect the fact that men are ego invested about offering a hookup to a woman and she turns him down when she’s indicated before that she’s attracted to him. It’s a huge deal to a dude. Especially if you already know each other. On the other hand, if a guy just met you and asks for a hookup he’s basically treating you like a free prostitute. That’s just disgusting. No.

Not doing a hookup with an egomaniac or your boss can get you fired if they want you! That’s how mad guys get. I’ve experienced it first hand. If they know you and you’ve both been flirting, they expect a “Yes” or I suppose they think you were teasing them. I think men take rejection harder than women do. I try not to be too hard on men that let me know they like me but the boundaries do have to be maintained and I have a history of maintaining them in the workplace and in my own office, to the frustration of quite a few men.

I don’t think most women are teasing. I believe we’re thinking, pondering, and checking, putting it through our intuitive radar because women know energy is exchanged as well as body fluids. That’s how we are with men if the woman has any self-respect. We’re in the laboratory of sexual attraction and IT IS NO EASY MATTER FOR US! We need you guys to accept that about us. I accept that it’s simpler for men and every woman knows that. Then you need to accept that it’s more complicated for us. The man’s value system should not dictate the situation and I challenge every woman to stick up for what she wants and what she’s comfortable with. At least have some of it your way. If he’s too pushy, he can walk.

I think a good compromise is three times alone together in person, at least, after you’ve known each other for months. I know that these days that sounds like a long time but, well, that’s just me. I’m sorry but unless there is emotional intimacy I’m not turned on. I accept that that’s not the case for many women now which is unfortunate.