An Expiration Date is Normal for Monogamy & Marriage


Divorced_couple_Credit_InesBazdar_via_wwwshutterstockcom_CNA_9_3_15

I’ve been married and divorced three times and I don’t regret any of it. All three of my husbands were brilliant, adoring men who tend to be what I prefer. I’m not an easy woman to live with because I’m passionate, freedom loving, willful, very physical, and intelligent. I’m pretty much a wild filly although when people see me, they assume I’m a chump or a pushover because I’m full of love, warmth and feminine energy. That’s all true until you cross my line. I’m very patient and will discuss anything and everything until I see you’re immature or not reciprocating. Then I’ll silently walk away.

Two of them actually ended because of death or tragedy. This reason for divorce is beyond our control. It takes a very negative toll on love and you both descend into the black hole of loss. Be sure to get help and climb out of it before you try to be in a relationship again. Otherwise, you’re offloading that grief onto someone else that doesn’t deserve it. You have to heal yourself with professional help.

There aren’t very many reasons to feel guilty about divorce. Life happens and it’s all difficult. Of course, this is my opinion from fifty-six years of observing humans and myself. Most couples do divorce after their kids are grown. And then sometimes they decide they are friends and get back together again. But the basis of any relationship needs to be friendship. Monogamy and marriage are a good idea when you’re reproductive age and having children. Your kids need both parents present if indeed they are present. Of course, the structure won’t work if one parent is busy being a workaholic or some other addiction. Then it’s all fake and harmful for the children. Still, you can try.

The balance of power between women and men outside of monogamy will only work if both are in complete freedom with their body and sex life. No more double standard. Also, the romantic fantasy needs to take a hike. Women are responsible for their feelings and men theirs. We no longer “make each other feel…”. The other day my friend advised, “Don’t be a nurse or a purse.” That can go both ways with a man or a woman! Meaning, seek interdependency, not dependency. When you’re married and monogamous, having a family, you’re dependent on one another. That’s just a reality but will end when the children are grown.

There is no expected possession, dependency or monitoring after monogamy. That’s parental behavior. I like monogamy but it should flow naturally out of what you feel, not rules, and is really only required when there are children involved. It should not be an expectation otherwise. I can’t remember a time when I did not hold this as a value. Even as a child I would express this kind of thing to my mother and she’d just snicker. I just believe in freedom, love, and creativity. If you have some emotional heavies to deal with, seek out a counselor. Don’t offload on family or friends. I think being too heavy or negative can ruin relationships. Everyone is at different levels with this but running more positive and less toxic energy should be at the ratio 85/15. I mean, a minor complaint or little fit is no big deal with a friend or lover but an ongoing heavy emotional habit or dysfunctional addiction is a relationship killer. There is no winning on that one. You must both be taking care of yourselves, yourself or you’re not desirable. That’s a no-brainer.

There is no rational point of marriage or monogamy after you’ve been married and had kids. There is no point of marriage and monogamy if you don’t want children. Every family ends at some point or should if it’s healthy! Otherwise, no one is growing and changing. I notice the women have a stranglehold on the men and the men have become dependent and couldn’t live without the woman. That’s a bad deal for men. Men can learn how to take care of themselves too! What happened to women being empowering for men in return for men being supportive of women? It needs to be a two-way street. Encouraging male dependency is not cool. Coddling a male or doing things for him that he can do for himself is very dysfunctional. I hope, as a culture, we realize that marriage, monogamy and falling in love has a biological function but after that, socially, it doesn’t usually work.

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“I’m Sorry”


 

I'm SorryWhat most people mean when they say I’m sorry is, “I’m sorry you caught me doing something I should not have and it hurt you.” They’re sorry they got caught. If you don’t get caught or no one is bothered by your action, you’re not hurting anyone, right?

My first husband used to say, “Just don’t do it again.” Of course, a person is going to do it again. I did. In my case, when I’m mad I tend to say something hurtful. People always do what they feel they need to do, want to do or feel compelled to do no matter what anyone else says.

When a friend or someone I’m close to saying they’re sorry, I believe them in that I do believe they don’t want to hurt me. But that doesn’t mean they’ll adjust their behavior “for me” nor should I expect it. Most people won’t. Our first loyalty is to ourselves emotionally and I guess that’s as it should be. Whether or not the person close to them can detach from the things that repeatedly hurt them or not is the question. After all, it’s not that we intentionally hurt others, it’s that others let themselves feel hurt by us. They don’t have to. They can stay detached from certain behaviors and not let themselves be hurt by it. How we feel is in OUR hands, not others. If someone tries to tell you otherwise just ignore them.

Check how you feel in your heart when someone close to you hurts your feelings. That is using your intuition. If you just have a new insight into their personality and don’t judge them or diss them, then you love them. Your intuition just helped you pivot away from letting their personal issue hurt you and you stayed in your own space. Good for you. Self-love is intact and loving them is intact. But you also have a new heads up to their weak point and can detach next time.

When they apologized did you receive their apology and forgive or let it go? Or did it scare you and now you hold a grudge? If you went into fear and resentment that is not loving. You are using your intuition in that situation too. Unless you move the feeling to your intuition you won’t be able to assess the relationship accurately. That’s why it’s important for both men and women to be in touch with how they feel in their body.

There are levels of apology that correlate with Platonic Love relationships. The Platonic Love blog is a few posts back. I feel humans are called to love at all times; Agape, Philia, etc. So even in professional client relationships, it’s important to apologize and forgive. Love at all times will change the world.

Psyche and Eros; They are Intuition and Love


Gerard_FrancoisPascalSimon-Cupid_Psyche_end

Psyche and Eros (Cupid) are the Greek Gods of Intuition and Love. Psyche is the woman on the left and Eros or Cupid has the wings on the right. They are obviously young and virginal, not such a great situation really.

Though Psyche is usually referred to in Roman mythology by her Greek name, her Roman name through direct translation is Anima. The anima and animus have long been used in modern psychology to describe the female and the male respectively. In fact, twin flames are all about the joining of the anima and animus and making them one again in the Hieros Gamos or sacred marriage which does not necessarily mean legal marriage or even sex. It means true love which hovers above mere mortal mundane ritual in a true spiritual sense. The Greek Gods of the Hieros Gamos who wed were Zeus and Hera. It’s mythological, I and my readers probably need to be reminded. That said, these romantic fantasy myths continue to move freely about in our world.

Cupid is sent to shoot Psyche with an arrow so that she may fall in love with something hideous, put up to that by his mother Aphrodite who was jealous of Psyche. She was getting too much admiration from other men, even though they didn’t really want her. He instead scratches himself with his own dart, which makes any living thing fall in love with the first thing it sees. Consequently, he falls deeply in love with Psyche and disobeys his mother’s order.

psyche and eros

Sounds good to me. Well, Psyche and Eros, Intuition and Love are called to accompany sex. If the act becomes mundane and low and fails to lift the human spirit and the human mind which it IS capable of doing, there will be trouble. As we all know, there is trouble in most relationships that are absent true love and respect for intuition and feeling. The ancients knew that.

The story proceeds and Aphrodite, the mother of Eros sends Psyche away to a palace to be with a husband she cannot see. Her two jealous sisters came up to see her with a smile plastered on their faces and proceeded to be as jealous as ever of her and lie to her about who her husband might be. In their opinion, he must be some kind of monster. They convinced her that she should kill him.

When she finally came upon him and saw that he was a beautiful man and that of course, her sisters were wrong, he looked at her in dismay because Psyche had not trusted him. “Love cannot exist without trust” and he left her. This man was Eros, Aphrodite’s son.

Psyche went to Aphrodite who was still jealous of her and asked her to persuade Eros to come back to her. Psyche had to accomplish three tasks to prove her skill. One, she had to separate seeds into groups and the ants helped her. Two, fill a bottle with black water from the River Estige and an Eagle helped her. Aphrodite was furious. Third, take a box to the underworld to Persephone and have her put a bit of her beauty in it. She did happily. Psyche gave Aphrodite the box and she was as mad as ever.

The gods decided to step in on behalf of Psyche to correct all the wrongdoing so Hermes the messenger narrated the true story to Eros, Psyche’s husband. Eros found Psyche exhausted in Aphrodite’s garden. Psyche persuaded Eros to forgive his mother for what she had made her suffer. As a wedding gift, Zeus made Psyche immortal and allowed her to taste ambrosia, the drink of the gods. Even Aphrodite was happy because, now that Psyche was living in the sky with her husband, men on earth had forgotten all about her and were again worshiping the true goddess of beauty. The question for my next blog will be; “Why was Psyche treated so badly on Earth?” I suppose the answer is jealousy. We’ll see.

Source: www.greeka.com

Is it a Relationship or Usage?


two lovers

I have to credit my friend Harry for pointing out this distinction verbally. I’ve always been aware of it but never considered that some people might not understand the difference. I always use my intuition and you can too to feel out the situation. For some reason, as soon as there is warmth or sex involved or the suggestion of sex, either or both parties may start to assume that they are in a relationship or moving toward one. That is incorrect. Or, as soon as a service is rendered or money is exchanged they assume it’s a relationship. It’s not. Some may say they have a professional relationship if money is exchanged. I would agree to that only if they return for the service which many times, it’s only a one time deal, humans being the way they are; fickle.

Right there you can see a connection between platonic philia and platonic eros. If THERE IS A RETURN for connection either for service (philia) or sexually (eros) you could start to conjecture that there is a relationship. You wouldn’t return to someone unless there was an affinity for service or for emotional intimacy. Most people really want that. Well, women do. I’m not at all sure men do, but maybe. When they say the words emotional or the word intimacy, they mean something different than we do.business people shaking hands

A relationship means that you can relate to one another and actively do either by just talking if you’re at a distance or see one another at whatever variable you wish. Just because your genitals relate to one another doesn’t mean that your mind and your heart relate to one another and this seems to be the big confusion for some people. I am of the persuasion that I have to have a friendship bond with a man before I’ll have sex with him. In no way is that possession or a relationship. It’s lover and friend status. It could be more though! It depends on what everyone wants.

The other big confusion is some people pride themselves on seeming invulnerable, perfectly rational, a closed book, never letting anyone seeing their true heart and not loving intimately, ever. They feel more powerful if they never love when in fact they are weaker. The heart is closed and needs to break to release past trauma. I promise you! I do it for a living and I am a safe person to be with if you have a broken heart while I run Reiki in the heart chakra. I remain detached but Love. There is always a reason from their past for that, likely a broken heart as a child. That can heal.

But there are millions of lightworkers like me that love at all times. I literally love everyone and I am very honest about how I feel. For the most part, I run agape platonic love. For a few men that I date and DO NOT see professionally, that turns into eros and I let them know but I never confuse the two. Still, in all my relationships, I love. Those platonic levels of love are important to know since we are called to love at all times in this world. One of my most recent blogs discusses it. That doesn’t mean I’m in a relationship with anyone nor do I necessarily want to be; especially if they pride themselves on using others and not loving. That will ruin the mind eventually.

If you don’t know one another and have no emotional or spiritual bond or affinity, then sex is just usage. If you don’t know one another and have no emotional or spiritual bond or affinity than ANY action you do together is just usage. What comes into play here are the roles you’re playing in an activity.

For those of us whose love language is touch, we consider talking all the time to be usage and body contact to be more regular or normal, meaning hugging, meeting in person, one-on-one, or if you’re intimate; actual sex. My love language is touch so I communicate best intimately that way, not talking over media. Some people are the opposite. In our culture of confused physical boundaries, it’s important not to judge those that prefer the love language of touch. For us, it’s like breathing. Professionally, I’m a bodyworker with very clear boundaries and communicate with my hands the best more than talk therapy.

Any service you do with one another in a particular role is just usage. If there is money exchanged you’ve paid for the usage or service. That’s a good thing! Everyone wants to be useful and needs meaningful work. Hopefully, it’s all clear.

 

What is Your Lilith Placement?


This is actually pretty interesting. I woke up obsessed with the Lilith point position in my solar chart. I must have dreamt about it. Our solar charts are limited with regard to our destiny and personality because they only take into account 4D solar positions of where we are each positioned in this Matrix of ours.  When I do Intuitive readings for people, I only glance, not study their solar natal chart and their Tzolkinkonic line-up in the Mayan multidimensional alignments as well. Those are the destiny patterns. Now the context of what I see intuitively for the individual is in a universal context.

I’ve been working this way for years and it’s not hard to work up a chart. It does take time though and I offer it as a service. That said, there STILL is NO CONTROL or overstep by those alignments over your free will, your mindset, and heart set. So when I look at a person intuitively, I literally see what they’re creating right now, what could be coming pretty soon and bit further down the line. However, that can change if you change yourself in a big way.

The thing is, most of us don’t change in a big way as we go through life. It’s all usually gradual. That is the healthy way to be because our brain and body like equilibrium. Every health care practitioner will tell you that. Consequently, people who are drawn to extreme swings of behavior or health regimens are usually judged handily. That’s not fair. Sure, they may die sooner than rest of us but if that’s fun for them and makes life worth living, let them be. However, don’t follow their lead! It’s not for everyone. Personally, I’m better SAFE than SORRY!

Now we get to what I’ve been blogging on. Men and relationships, dating and sex boundaries. In walks Lilith, the dark of the moon who is often envisioned as a dangerous demon of the night, who is sexually wanton, and who steals babies in the darkness. Lilith may be linked in part to a historically earlier class of female demons in ancient Mesopotamian religion, found in cuneiform texts of Sumer, the Akkadian Empire, Assyria, and Babylonia. She was mythologically Adam’s first wife made of clay, just like him, not from his rib as Eve was. Again, this is all fictional, a character likely made up by the Jewish priests who needed a twist on Eve. Her name really means Night.

Dark Lilith

I think she’s a little Hollywood Blvd. or everyone dressed in black in Greenwich Village in New York. It’s kind of immature but there are many women that are into this. I personally wouldn’t mess with this energy. That said, one interpretation of my chart says I need to face my inner night, my lack of balance that is my Lilith in Libra.

White Lilith

There is another whitewashed version of her that is a little Victorian. But many women take to this one as well. I can’t relate to this one either. I know many women who can and do though. My family takes after this one.

The Lilith placement in the solar chart is about your resistance in this life. What are you ashamed of, what do you struggle with, what do you need to rampage? Having confidence in yourself? Taking care of your body? We all know that we need struggle to grow, like a seed germinating in its pod underground. There has to be some adversity, a freeze, to stimulate its DNA to push up out of the dark soil toward the sun. The human soul is exactly the same way. To that end, google “Calculate my Lilith in my natal chart” to find out. Then there are many sites that interpret it. As you might guess, my Lilith in Libra has everything to do with the balance of power with men and it is a huge issue for me. Apparently, the blindfold on the goddess Justice is idealistic. It doesn’t exactly work that way.

I am a lightworker, but in what ways do I need to see my dark pieces? It’s a valid question because we all have vices amidst our virtues. I prefer the picture below as it indicates the wisdom and animal totem of owl, birds, night time, and the full moon. Those things are all good and evoke the womb, the second chakra, goddess energy and what the men truly crave from women in balance during sex. I believe the balance between women and men begins with each woman truly honoring the power of her body, her light pieces, and her dark pieces. Men (and women) can help us see what those might be but we should never give them control over them.

owl_goddess Lilith

 

Relationship Anarchy & Monogamy


It seems that there is no logical contradiction in romantically loving two people at the same time. But the issue here is psychological, as it generates profound emotional dissonance. (If you invest yourself which women do by nature).

The dissonance stems from the fact that by definition, emotions demand partiality, that is, the preference of one person over another, which entails some sort of exclusivity. Partiality for a certain man or woman is a function of nature for the purpose of beneficial reproduction and it always has been. Pheremones control the process and generally, women do the picking since we are the soil that grows the baby and the seed. The male sperm is fertilizer which may account for the lack of bond and his lack of emotion tied to sex or any physical body. I don’t know. Women’s bodies know everything, are emotional and do bond and nurture. It’s crazy being a woman. We’re like walking magic without even trying.

Emotionally, it is extremely painful to imagine your lover in the arms of another person. Indeed, most of those who told of being romantically in love with two people at the same time and pleased with the experience also claimed that they would not like to be at the other end of the relationship; that is, they would find it enormously difficult, if not impossible, to share their beloved with someone else.

The deeper problem, however, does not concern normative values, as seen in heteronormativity and amatonormativity but rather emotional ones. It can’t really be completely intellectualized. Even if this process of relaxing of moral norms continues, and there is no reason why it shouldn’t, a major problem remains: the partiality that colors our emotional system, and in particular jealousy, fear, humiliation, and sorrow which are associated with realizing that your beloved partner is in love with someone else. These are million-year-old brain functions brought on by hormones for our survival!

How can you not be partial toward someone you bond your soul (body and mind) to? Answer; You don’t bond. If that continues, the foundation of society, the family within a community, unravels.

But if you are a unique individual, then you must only bind your soul to another unique individual to which you are in affinity. Because you are individual, it can only ever be partial because you largely belong to yourself, is my thought. What of that?

Pardon my bluntness here, but I believe that in essence, wives are patriarchal fuck girls that serve as a status trophy for a man. The king in his castle. “This is the fuck girl (wife) that will bear my children says the fuckboy. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want the delight of other pussies that I call friends”. And millions of men feel entitled to just that… while they’re married…secretly. No love, no bond. But the fact that they married shields them from the truth. They “appear” to be bonded in monogamy which is a sign of emotional maturity, as long as they don’t get caught being immature and indulgent.

Post-fertility, I have no idea what my function is to a man. It’s not going to be a nurse to his lack of health. I do know that a woman, absent the fear of getting pregnant and remaining sexual and healthy could turn the world on its head. It could be considered a woman’s prime and make all the young perky girls ruffle in competition. I guess that’s a cougar. It’s tempting.

But what about bonding? When are men going to feel a compulsion and obligation to love and bond as much as women?

I don’t know. I just know that sex is meaningless and jungle level without it. I’m not interested.

Ready To Rumble For Bonding


 

femalewarrior

 

Fight.  I’m ready to rumble for bonding.

So…no phone or text and no e-mail.

E-mail?  How am I going to get my edits?…and I went through editing withdrawal.

Do you know what that’s like as a writer?  I thought my head would explode.

I’m going over there…To the HOUSE.

He says, “I can’t believe you came over here.”

I was cut off!  I had no communication choice to get my work done.

He was happy to see me!  Came close to me, right into my personal space.

He cleared a chair off for me quickly, searched and found out it was his cut off to usurp my threatened cut off when the edits were done, but not before.  He goofed up.  No apology.

He sent it, I didn’t receive it.

I started this with my boundaries and he was getting his back.

Guess what I’m going to do next?

I’m going to seriously date someone else I like.

I…am…NOT…doing hook-ups and booty calls

For the last half of my life as an adult!

I have the energy for this.

Ready to rumble for bonding.

Mind you, the energy of my body will be as receptive as a duckling

But my mind will be a steel trap.

 

 

 

 

Getting Lost


I loved that, as soon as I walked in the door, quite a bit late, you were concerned that I’d gotten lost or in trouble or something.

Melt.  Kiss.

Mmmmm.  That’s the good stuff.  I’m going there and staying there.  Good memory in my brain.  No one can take it away.  Keep piles of those in a drawer for a rainy day.

 

orange desert flower

The Garden Lies Fallow


The night was lovely,

As soon as he walked in the door we wanted to inhale each other…raw attraction for months now.  Sometimes you wait to see if it goes away.   It’s not going away.

But we didn’t go there because we’re “developing” our bond so that we’re both emotionally happy with ourselves and feeling centered…

So, I contained the tide of passion for the next forty five minutes.

We sat on the couch, looked each other in the eye, so hot, talked about our kids, so warm and loving, opened Christmas gifts to each other on January 18 and drank peppermint tea.

We were each charmed with our mutual bestowals.

This was loving and literate foreplay between two artists.  Not to lead to sex exactly, but very possibly and very mutually.

This was heart foreplay, not to be taken lightly.  I kept talking and he stopped me mid-sentence and started the delicious kissing before he had to leave.

Why is he starting the kissing before he has to leave?  Why?

Then he half picked me up and threw me on the couch!!!!

I felt like a startled cat and giggled like a fresh teenager.

Mind you, we’ve already been intimate, but I’m an artist.  I’m a lover, an authentic, intelligent woman, warm, sensitive, deep.  No regular man is going to do for me.  This has to be an…

eccentric…

super intelligent…

foxy face…

a strong body…

sweet, wonderful kisses.

I love his hair and his lips.

So….back to the story.

Wow…we had these little whisper chats with each other…

Ahhhhh, it was all good, as he lay next to me but…

He has a sort of broken heart, the kind of disconsolate, forlorn vibe that starts to sink like a rock and close the heart shutter that started to burst open.

I am… so aware of what that is.

It warns a man…don’t…go there…she will eat you alive….

I swear, I wonder if that’s what he thinks.

It could be other emotions but we women, or maybe just me, sometimes think that men are heartless.

This one isn’t.  He’s a writer too.

He has to mend his broken heart and I totally, absolutely, understand

that demolished rupture, the broken mirror, the belief in self that

just says…I don’t love myself enough to love you.

I feel like a failure.  I’m not good enough for you.

It’s the trouble with the world.

How epidemic is the guilt, the sorrow, the cynicism, the pain______

 

And the woman’s garden lies fallow.

You can march and resist all you want about this man who is supposed to be our leader who grabs and insults women.  Most men are like him…not connected to their heart and addicted to something.  It’s the men’s fate.  Most women act from their hearts.  It’s in our bodies.

I think each woman just needs to be loved by a man (or woman) with an open heart who we can love in return and I really doubt it exists.

Religion teaches men to hate women unless they marry them and then control them. Then they feel even more free to hate them.

It’s never going to work.  Men are based in ego and women are based in love.

(Sigh)

stock-footage-alone-man-standing-on-the-seashore