Men are Dramatic in Action and Women are Dramatic in their Speech


you've got to be kidding me

How many bazillion times have you heard a guy say “No drama!”? They act like they give women no drama. Men are over the top!!! Men get emotional physically and sometimes verbally. Their actions are too dramatic. That’s the testosterone and they put WOMEN through the wringer not being able to calm down their testosterone or my favorite, being so confused about how to relate what they want to us that they send dual-minded, conflicting signals. A lot of women think they’re lying but half of the time I think they just don’t know what to say…literally.

Women are more dramatic in expressing themselves verbally. Women are actually brilliant at expressing themselves verbally and men are FOREVER telling us to be quiet and stop being so dramatic. I fucking hate it nor will I obey. I find men and women to be equally expressive emotionally but in these two different modes.

Next time a man says to you, “Cut the drama” when you’re speaking and expressing your feelings, bring down the curtain on his ass regarding how his actions are overdramatic expressing HIS feelings. He can “cut the drama” too. Sheesh!

Heartset; Men Blame Women for Giving in to Sex if the Man Really Wants Connection


The men almost always start it up and expect the woman to control the situation so that a deeper relationship might be possible because the men need bonding more than we do! Women rarely get lonely; men do. Then the man needs to control his sexual compulsion and not blame the woman for the direction it goes.

The way nature works; once you start something with a woman we’re going to finish it! Men need to control and FOCUS their sexual fire, like the Sun.

“If a man adores one special flower, he must FOCUS his light in that corner of the garden and breathe. Otherwise, once the sun comes out, all the flowers are going to open. Don’t blame the flower for opening to the Sun. The Sun started it! You can always go behind a cloud or turn to rain! The flower is rooted in the earth and can’t change or move. The Sun can!”

flower garden.jpg

Heartset; Three Types of Heterosexual Relationships


man and woman

The only one of these that is a real relationship is #3. The first two are sexual objectification. But by most people’s standards, #1 is a real relationship and is considered prison by many men but socially increases his status. Really, any man who prefers #2 will say he doesn’t want a relationship with a woman and will slut himself out to a woman handily. I’ve had male friends tell me that if a man is good looking enough, every man prefers #2 and that a loving relationship is absolutely off the table with the likes of any woman. These men are true immature narcissistic misogynists but ever so common. I guess it’s better then that they don’t mate.

I will admit that much of what I’ve observed about female behavior is societal programming for survival. Nevertheless, I’ve watched this for over fifty years and I believe it’s time for us to make a real leap in gender equity and get past the first two objectifying roles I describe.

  1. TERRITORY; A married woman, the mother of his children, a wife. They feign love but it rarely lasts as we all know. They are using each other for security and to raise children. There is no real love, the male mostly behaves as one of the children and the wife functions in the role of mother for everyone. This is typically pretty bad for women and good for men. Women get less healthy and men get healthier is what stats show. The reward is the woman has her children. The woman is still objectified and their sex life can easily become either boring or emotionally abusive and neglectful. This one is the outgrowth of religion.
  2. Hookup; A woman, especially these days, is sanctioned and appreciated by a man as a hook-up, a mistress, a lover, or a prostitute. She then gets roses or money. There is no relationship, no friendship, no respect, no real love at all. There is no emotional or spiritual maturity on the part of either the man or the woman. They’re just using each other for sex. This is defecation sex. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. They both function at the teenager level emotionally, indulging in their lust and not valuing self-control or bonding at all. This one is the outgrowth of the abuses of patriarchy and materialist society.
  3. LOVE; Two emotionally and spiritually mature adults function as equals in all respects and truly love one another. This one is rare but is now possible with the shift in the energies on the planet of late. It also underlies the Twin Flame 11:11 phenom and some soul mates.  They shoot for living from their core self, have dignity, take care of themselves on every level and are monogamous. It’s not a possession, territory or defecation sex. It’s a true love bond chosen freely by both parties. He is a grown man and she is a grown woman, emotionally mature, loving themselves, no longer living in the subconscious family mind but the CONSCIOUS adult mind that is no longer dependent on the immediate family. This one is the outgrowth of Spirituality.

Women who don’t objectify themselves in a monogamous heteronormative domestic servitude relationship or a promiscuous sexual life feeding men’s sex hunger and apparently their own, with no emotional or spiritual involvement from them as an adult male, are punished or ignored. Her only reward for her dignified choice is self-esteem and sitting in her own soul. Likely, her exemplary work paves the way for exponential competition and jealousy from more timid women beaten down by the system. She will somehow be roundly punished socially by the endless followers who think themselves good people but are really skating by instead of doing the right thing and empowering themselves.

#3 is the only real option for people who value love and still believe in it and want to do it. The challenge is that you have to work on yourself and stop expecting your mate or children to make you happy on an emotional/spiritual level. Sexually, yes, it is the adult’s role to satisfy you sexually and vice versa or there isn’t much point unless you’re both asexual. Some people are and have a different motivation for a relationship other than sex. To each his own!

 

 

Heartset; Love and Lust are a Two-Way Street


Both women and men love and lust. Women don’t just attract men with their loving relationship skills and men don’t just attract women with their constantly lusty energy. There are plenty of women who no longer believe in love and have just given in to the lust paradigm of hook-ups, use, and throw which is what most men engender. So the women just go along with it having experienced too many men who don’t seem to want to love or don’t know how to. The women are busier making money than teaching the men about feelings or loving them in friendship.

There are also plenty of loving, sensitive men who do want intimacy, bonding, and a monogamous relationship. The key is obviously to find the person who wants the same thing as you. And it’s hard for men to trust women when many women are very bitchy or downright abusive and mean. They don’t take care of themselves and are in no mood to be loving to a man.

It does seem to generally be true that men are very, very comfortable lusting after women and just going forward with that and wishing for the woman to cooperate. It’s also generally true that women are more relational and loving and draw men in with that warmth going forward and wish a man would cooperate with that. The problem is, most women will not just cooperate with pure lust in a relationship with no bonding and most men will not just cooperate with pure loving relational energy in a relationship with bonding. There has to be compromise.

The truth is men sorely, sorely need someone who they can express their deepest feelings with and feel safe; someone who will be their friend with whom they can talk. They need a relationship far more than a woman. That can happen with a kind woman. The truth is women sorely, sorely need hot, great sex that fulfills their physical needs with a man who cares how she physically and emotionally responds to sex. Sex is spiritual to most women! We need a man who will stimulate our lustiness! I have yet to meet a man who really wants to get to know my body and soul sexually. I’ve almost given up. I wonder if men feel the same way about expressing their feelings to a woman without her making fun of him?

I don’t know. What I do know is that a woman’s lusty self needs to be stimulated by a man and a man’s relational self needs to be stimulated by a woman. Then both of them will be more satisfied and turned on.

 

anima and animus

Essay; Sexual Shaming of Men


 

man-in-doubt

I’ve been thinking about this issue for about a year now but it coalesced last night when I read a quite long, but well-thought-out blog post on this site that made light of how many women absorb shame from men when we have sex with them. Before that, we’re fine, happy with ourselves, like being a woman, and like our bodies. I think women are getting better at accepting our bodies as they are and the media is helping with that. I know I am. There are more women of all different sizes on T.V. and in all media. The SIZE SHAMING, no matter what size, has decreased. More women understand that it’s more important for us to love ourselves than to please a man.

But, reading her blog, I immediately related to the experience of being mystified as to why a man I was with would turn pornographic in his tone, talked about how hot I was, did the sweetie, beautiful “speak” and then wanted to get sexually nasty as opposed to sensuous and intimate. My assumption is it’s the testosterone and most women consider it normal. The last lover I had said, “Why do you have to be so seductive?” “Me? Seductive?” I’m a chipmunk! What was he talking about? I don’t think he was seeing who I was; he was seeing who he wanted and needed to see. He was projecting. Women are individuals not porn stars and it’s objectifying to treat us like we’re part of your MENTAL fantasy, not a person in front of you. But again, I’m not sure men can help it because of the shame they’re socialized with. Their minds are all cluttered up with objectifying materialism which makes them feel better. Their feelings are stimulated by things; women’s bodies, food, cars, houses, boats, and on and on. I’m not sure women understand this.

How much does that happen? Probably all the time. It’s men’s fantasy need of having a car or motorcycle that reminds them of a childhood toy that they loved. Then they imagined they were a superhero on that vehicle and some adult males still do it. They get a life-sized one and keep the fantasy going. It’s objectification that transfers over to sex with a woman. I suppose this underlies the barely clad woman advertising a car that is so nauseating to us.

It’s something to keep in mind that men probably watch a tremendous amount of porn because they can’t express their sexual feelings as much as they need to or the way they want to in our civilization that shames it. Most men are not relational, not romantic and don’t want to be yet many women need that to be turned on! If he acquiesced, he would be too much like a woman and he’s not a woman, he’s a man, which means he’s a part wild animal, part human. Not all men are of course but most of them are. It’s scary for some women like me when they turn wild animal. I guess other women like it.

I think that men project a lot onto women, as though it’s our issue, about how turned on they are by feeling ashamed, nasty, or mean. OR…is shame projected on to them from all sides FOR BEING male as though they are expected to be like that even if they are not? The writer I read didn’t say that in her blog or maybe she doesn’t understand it.  I think men get turned on by feeling repulsed. They’re attracted to women and things that are not nice and that are uncivilized and wild. It’s all that testosterone blasting through their brains that blows everything up. It’s the opposite of most women. I know some women are attracted to pain and ugliness, like a sadistic thing but it’s not terribly common. Still, I’m not judging it. Nevertheless, I am not that way.

It appears to me that everything in our civilization exists as it is to control men’s sexual nature and make things peaceable for women and children. Before, most of the time it was working. NOW, society seems to be tearing itself apart because men’s sexual nature is finally coming to the surface, there is more awareness of abuse of women and children, guns are everywhere which men love (you don’t see women using them in public much), we see incest, pedophilia, and sex trafficking at the highest levels of institutions, all the lies, and control about it are coming forward, the institutions don’t know exactly how to lie about it anymore. Men are victims of the system too otherwise they wouldn’t be victimizing those more vulnerable than them. It’s a trickle-down from the women and men in power who hold the system in place.

Civilization uses guilt, shame, control, incarceration, blaming women, sports, and the media all to LIE about men’s sexual nature. I guess we’re still working on a balance to our civilization as though it’s progressed from being in the wild. Sometimes I think it’s worse because it represses the true feelings and then they explode to the surface.

 

 

Heartset; Can She Be a Human Being?


cropped-gold-tears-klimt.jpg

She is either the big, bad, controlling monster because she’s a strong, intelligent woman or little Cinderella princess needing the glass slipper put on her foot? Too many men are passive-aggressive about women I suppose because they don’t understand us. We’re neither of those two ends on a linear spectrum. I wonder if men are capable of interpreting relational ideas past duality?

Relating is more complicated than that. Don’t give me the “Men are simple creatures that just need a dog” crap. If you’re going to inflate your ego to the point if feigning vast intelligence, all the top jobs and Nobel Peace Prizes, all the power in public and most of the money and fire women from their position who won’t hook-up with you, then you need to uplevel your brains to friendship with the woman you’re fucking. Then we can share power in public.

Let’s face it. We live in a vampire whored society where everyone is brainwashed to give over their mind and body to marriage, family, church, employer, and state for some money crumbs and the fat cats keep the rest and wait for us to die. Then the funeral homes and cemetery and the rest of the death industry clean up after that. It affects how women and men relate to one another to be sure because we end up in survival mode not thrive mode. That’s not a garden of intimacy.

I’m not and most women are not a misandrist. I just don’t want to have to train my mate the way I train my child. It’s an insult to men and women. We just want the species to survive on the planet, we’re the ones that make, birth, and love the species, and you guys have had your chance for the last 10,000 years. This madness has to stop.

Heartset; A #Female #Intimacy Myth Revealed


There’s a myth I Rumi Water keep running into whenever I really like a man, we know each other and are friends, I’m attracted to him and want to have sex with him. His assumption is, given all of the desires I’ve listed above, I’ll fall in love with him or I am in love with him and want to put a leash around his neck or start a relationship. No, I don’t and it’s a bit insulting to assume women want or need to be hitched to a man or control him. We don’t. Women who want children are more that way for good reason but not me!

He assumes I will want to control him like a dog trainer. So wrong. So very, very wrong. I have my own life. I only control myself. I’m a cat you see. But if you suggest on a first date, “We can get a room,” Uhhh. No. Sex is not going to be the first date. If that’s what you want then you’ll get a woman that just lets her body and energy be eaten for a price or for free. Good luck with that. It’s chaos and she’s likely emotionally messed up as in “a sex addict.”

I’m starting to think it’s the other way around. If he has told me and continues to express that he likes me also, is attracted to me and also wants to have sex, he might fall in love with me, otherwise, we would meet-up. Why aren’t we meeting each other? He couldn’t hook me for sex with lying and saying he loved me as a friend. He obviously doesn’t. No integrity. He’s a user. I pose too much of a challenge.

At least I assumed it from the beginning. I let him run his game to see what he would do to get another notch on his bedpost. All lies.

Friendship and attraction are the basis of everything lasting. Possession and contracts kill it after you’ve had children. You don’t need it in middle age. Most couples break up after their kids are grown anyway. You get bored with each other as lovers and can just be friends. Sexual usage is jungle level not human level and shows a very low intelligence and low spirituality. No thanks.

The myth is that just because a woman has all of those things going on that I listed above that she’s in love with a guy. Nope. Nada. Huh-uh. Not the case.  Most women I know are very good at controlling their feelings and actually choosing them. We’re kind of expert at it for some reason, especially in middle age when there is no longer the motive of reproduction and the extreme lust that comes with reproductive hormones. Maybe we have a highly developed relationship between our amygdala and frontal cortex after fifty because we’ve learned a thing or two? We want real love and friendship, not just lust games, and personality compatibility, not just sex compatibility. Time to grow up.

I’m done. The karma machine is going to run ragged on this one. Good. I hate it when a man can’t emotionally deal with friendship and sex. It’s totally immature.

 

Everyday Intuition; Competition at Home


BOOK FINISHED-Everyday Intuition-COVER JPGI remember feeling viscerally competitive on different levels with my previous mates with whom I lived. A lot of that is caused by sex. It gets you all riled up and thus the testosterone levels go up, especially for women which is not the best hormone to have in big supply. We need to relax. I believe that when you live with someone their energy rubs off on you for good or ill. The same would be true of the people with whom you work. This is not something of which most people are conscious.

When humans get around each other they compete more than anything else. To that end, just this morning, I realized that now that I live alone I am absolutely relaxed and feel no competition whatsoever with anyone. I love it. It really suits me and I’m in no mood to contend, compete, fight, create drama, watch the drama, compare myself to other women, try to match power with a man, or seek a man’s attention who has no real interest or connection to me.

It’s a dream come true to start to feel like I’m safe to inhabit my body and be true to myself in my work and personal life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It sure was hard getting to this point. Our world is completely vampiric, I’m here to tell you. Barely anyone is centered inside themselves and most people pull energy from outside of themselves from anything they can get their minds on. Not in my home, not in my office, and not with me.

Peace.

Essay; It’s Barely Been 50 Years…


Justice

The following list is of NINE things a woman couldn’t do in 1971 – yes the date is correct, 1971.

In 1971 a woman could not:

1. Get a Credit Card in her own name – it wasn’t until 1974 that a law forced credit card companies to issue cards to women without their husband’s signature.

2. Be guaranteed that they wouldn’t be unceremoniously fired for the offense of getting pregnant – that changed with the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of *1978*!

3. Serve on a jury – It varied by state (Utah deemed women fit for jury duty way back in 1879), but the main reason women were kept out of jury pools was that they were considered the center of the home, which was their primary responsibility as caregivers. They were also thought to be too fragile to hear the grisly details of crimes and too sympathetic by nature to be able to remain objective about those accused of offenses. In 1961, the Supreme Court unanimously upheld a Florida law that exempted women from serving on juries. It wasn’t until 1973 that women could serve on juries in all 50 states.

4. Fight on the front lines – admitted into military academies in 1976 it wasn’t until 2013 that the military ban on women in combat was lifted. Prior to 1973 women were only allowed in the military as nurses or support staff.

5. Get an Ivy League education, with the exceptions of Penn and Cornell, who began admitting women in 1870. Penn and Cornell are large universities and have always accepted hundreds of women in their entering classes. Penn always had a College for Women, which was for counseling purposes only; all classes were mixed, men and women. Classes at Cornell were mixed.
Yale and Princeton didn’t accept female students until 1969. Harvard didn’t admit women until 1977 (when it merged with the all-female Radcliffe College). Brown (which merged with women’s college Pembroke), Dartmouth and Columbia did not offer admission to women until 1971, 1972 and 1981, respectively.
Other case-specific instances allowed some women to take certain classes at Ivy League institutions (such as Barnard women taking classes at Columbia), but so many women in the ’60s who harbored Ivy League dreams had to put them on hold.

6. Take legal action against workplace sexual harassment. Indeed the first time a court recognized office sexual harassment as grounds for any legal action was in 1977!

7. Decide not to have sex if their husband wanted to – spousal rape wasn’t criminalized in all 50 states until 1993. Read that again…1993.

8. Obtain health insurance at the same monetary rate as a man. Sex discrimination wasn’t outlawed in health insurance until 2010 and today many, including sitting elected officials at the Federal level, feel women don’t mind paying a little more. Again, that date was 2010.

9. The birth control pill: Issues like reproductive freedom and a woman’s right to decide when and whether to have children were only just beginning to be openly discussed in the 1960s. In 1957, the FDA approved of the birth control pill but only for “severe menstrual distress.” In 1960, the pill was approved for use as a contraceptive. Even so, the pill was illegal in some states and could be prescribed only to married women for purposes of family planning, and not all pharmacies stocked it. Some of those opposed said oral contraceptives were “immoral, promoted prostitution and were tantamount to abortion.” It wasn’t until several years later that birth control was approved for use by all women, regardless of marital status. In short, birth control meant a woman could complete her education, enter the workforce and plan her own life.

Prior to 1880 the age of consent for sex was set at 10 or 12 years old in more states, with the exception of our neighbor Delaware – where it was 7 YEARS OLD!

Gender equity is NOT just for other women. It’s for all men and women as a human rights issue!

Essay; The Honest Middle Ground


man and woman

My last post, I made the point that I’m not interested in fawning adoration that leads to possessive marriage. Every woman I know is at a different point with this but it has to do with emotional maturity and financial independence. Most women don’t prefer marriage, from what I’ve gathered, unless they’re getting some type of needed security. But most of us aren’t interested in shallow hook-ups either! Some men get this, some don’t. It’s hard to believe. We know respecting a woman may be a turn-off to most men but you have to show respect to most women. We can tell if you’re sincere or not.

I’ll speak for myself

Friendship, attraction, love, and care are what I want and need. It’s the honest middle ground. Women are human beings. Does it really depend on what culture you come from as to whether you treat women as human beings? This needs to be a universal understanding. Possession in marriage, to some of us, is an insult. I’m a free person with my own life, work, and money. I’m not on the planet to soothe a man’s ego just as he is not soothing mine! Promiscuity is a hook-up with a stranger and is also an insult as I’m not a sex toy or the least bit turned on by strange men, for god’s sake. I guess I’m making the assumption that true love in marriage is Disneyland in my view. I know many disagree with me and that’s fine. I’ll entertain the notion but I’ve been married three times and there has never been true love.

Promiscuity or Possession

They are two far ends of the patriarchal spectrum that have been dominating our rules of relationships for hundreds of years. Lack of boundaries on the promiscuity end or lying on the possession end with a double standard applied to women allow men to rule the day. For men, getting continual sex by feigning a relationship via marriage has been the ritual. It also raises their status. For women, getting a fake, romantic relationship by giving sex in marriage has been the way women have manifested their true love; our children. That’s not good for women or children. I prefer mutual love with a man, not my children. Children end up rebelling against their parents anyway as it is nature. Women are adults and our roles and skills exceed motherhood. Children grow up and the parents need to let them go! It’s very dysfunctional not to. It’s a bad deal where no ones needs really get met, thus the divorce rate. That, and barely anyone is telling the truth; women or men.

The Honest Middle Ground

Lovers; Cat-type women could mate with cat-type men. I already posted on it. We tend to be interdependent and intelligent. Being a cat-type woman, I’ve been called strong and stubborn far too much. I am neither of those. In fact, I’m extremely warm, soft, sensitive, and vulnerable inside. It gives me a very strong heart. Stubborn is a misnomer. I know my own mind, what I need and say it and do it myself. That is still extremely taboo in our culture which still places coddling the male ego above everyone and everything else.

Are you a cat or a dog?

Bitches could mate with dog-type men that need a controlling trainer, someone willing to teach them how to be humane and will feed and groom them. If your man tends to be hungry and looks at you like a roast chicken then this may be the one for you. Many women are into this and many men find it sexy. I don’t but that’s because I’m a cat. Still, I don’t judge the bitches! I remember as a young girl realizing I wasn’t willing to function in this role with men. It’s a funny memory and really speaks to my inner nature. I’m finally honoring it without judging myself.

There is Much Wiggle Room

I’m not sure about the rest of the details but they depend on your couple dynamic. Are you polyamorous lovers or monogamous? Cheating on your monogamous girlfriend who is mad at you and has put you out of the house and into the dog house is not a license to be polyamorous by the way. You need to discuss the issue and either move forward or break up. My Twin Flame tried to pull this one. He was treating me like a possible option without telling me a woman with her toothbrush lives with him! I think deep down he’s a cat but he’s acting like a dog at the moment so no doubt he needs a bitch trainer. That’s fine with me. I’m not doing it. He is extremely intelligent, creative, and independent but I think he judges himself for it because most of the men in his culture are not cats. He very much seeks to fit in socially. He does tend to have himself in a provincial, cultural box that makes me want to scream. There is something else holding him up emotionally. I know what it is but I digress. Time will tell.

Men, be careful approaching women you don’t know. Are they cat-like or dog-like? Don’t make assumptions! The same goes for women. You need to know who you’re dealing with and the rest is negotiable.