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10 Reasons It’s Hard For Smart Women To Find Love


Winter Scenes in MoonlightBy Nicole Timmons

Finding love is not an easy feat for anyone. If you are a woman who is of a higher intellect, chances are you have had an even harder time finding a fulfilling relationship. Society tends to think less of a woman who is single as if there is something inherently wrong with them. This is definitely not the case. Below are 10 reasons why it can be harder for smart women to find love.

1. They aren’t afraid to be by themselves.

Smart women know what they want and aren’t willing to settle for anything less. They know the importance of staying true to themselves and they also realize that sacrificing their needs for the sake of love with the wrong person will only cause resentment in the long run. They do not have to settle out of fear of being alone, or fear of social implications by others’ who do not understand a woman’s ability to be by herself and be happy.

2. They know what they want.

Every woman has a mental “checklist” of what they are looking for in a significant other. A smart woman’s checklist tends to be either longer or more specific than those who want a significant other, just to have a significant other. They know themselves and in turn, know what type of person they can and can’t be with.

3. They don’t need another person to facilitate their lifestyle.

The past portrays that women needed to go straight from their father’s house to their husband’s. In the modern world women no longer need another person to help them live on their own; they may have realized they prefer that alone time. Therefore, knowing that they will eventually have to share that space can be scary for an independent woman.

4. They have other commitments that take priority over dating.

Careers, friendships, family, extra-curricular pursuits, whatever it is that she has going on may not allow for as much time to date as it takes to find the right mate.

5. They are hyper-aware that relationships end and can let their knowledge of the past affect their future potential relationships.

They have a harder time “living in the moment” and do not want to waste their time; as time truly is a valuable asset to a smart woman. They need to know that there is a future and that their potential mate is on the same page.  Marriages, kids, finances, etc.

6. They know that attraction is only half the battle.

Physical attraction is an important aspect of finding love, but smart women understand that attraction is fleeting and can be altered once you see what is underneath.  While a woman’s hormones tend to make the first step towards finding love, smart women understand that it is the intimacy developed (and maintained) by both people that dictate whether or not a relationship can last.

7. They can be intimidating.

When a woman is intelligent she isn’t afraid to stand up and say what she thinks. This is a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow. Whether it’s because they don’t know how to react, or if it’s because they don’t feel they can live up to her expectations; either way, it can be somewhat intimidating for potential lovers and even friends.

8. They understand Change.

They don’t pretend that they, and their partners, will be the same person years down the road. They want to grow and they have ambitions for their futures that will change who they are, and ultimately, what they want. Knowing this makes it harder for a woman to commit to a partner for a long period of time.

9. They have a vast understanding of modern dating practices and don’t necessarily like, nor agree, with them.

Dating is no longer a means of survival for women. As stated before, since we no longer need to be passed from father to husband as well as we have the capability to live alone – dating is truly meant to find a companion whom you love and want to share your life, interests, and future with.

10. They know not to trust their hearts with just anyone.

This reason is the culmination of all of the ways it is harder for smart women to find love. Deciding whether someone is worthy of an intelligent woman’s heart is not an easy task and we do not take it lightly. Intelligent women have to weigh the pro’s and con’s and decide if the risk of loving another person is worth the devastation that can occur if it doesn’t work out.

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All Who Wander Are Not Lost


Have you heard that phrase before? This study finds that women and men navigate differently. Check out the results of this study.

The writer of the results doesn’t state that woman’s intuition, which is half of all reasoning ability, is in play here but I can tell you it is. I’m a woman. I know how I navigate and it sure as heck isn’t to get there quicker! I want to wander to see what I stumble onto. It’s fun! I like to see new things in the world. A new route is great fun.

I live just about every day of my life predominantly in this mode yet the rational side of my brain is engaged enough for me to enjoy computer programming and my work in healthcare. I succeed and pay the bills so my way works.

I navigate my writing, especially prose, in wander mode as well and I’m sure not lost, yet I have no plan. That’s vital to be inspired and truly creative. No recipes used! We, women know our muses, our physical instincts, our senses, the vibes coming from the earth and weather.

We live in that soup 24/7 and the women who want to be more like men, what’s the matter with you? I’m guessing her mother didn’t model loving her body and sex as a woman. In no way are we supposed to follow what men want. That’s why patriarchy has gotten away with so much.

I love being a woman and navigating the dark crevices of my existence. That is in fact, how meaning in life is found; by wandering using your intuition.

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Woman’s Intuition Gone Awry


The Female Price of Male Pleasure

by Lili Loofbourow

Female price of male pleasure

“One of the compliments girls get most as kids is that they’re pretty; they learn, accordingly, that a lot of their social value resides in how much others enjoy looking at them. They’re taught to take pleasure in other people’s pleasure in their looks. Indeed, this is the main way they’re socially rewarded.

This is also how women are taught to be good hosts. To subordinate their desires to those of others. To avoid confrontation. At every turn, women are taught that how someone reacts to them does more to establish their goodness and worth than anything they themselves might feel.”

I hope you clicked on the link above and at least skimmed this article.  I found it to be another one of those disturbing ones. This quote from the article, for instance, is very true.  But I have never chosen to be with the type of man that would be that inconsiderate of my body.  Is the author suggesting that women don’t have a choice in the type of partner she chooses?  That’s ludicrous.

“I wish we lived in a world that encouraged women to attend to their bodies’ pain signals instead of powering through like endurance champs. It would be grand if women (and men) were taught to consider a woman’s pain abnormal; better still if we understood a woman’s discomfort to be reason enough to cut a man’s pleasure short.”

I wouldn’t give a man with this type of attitude the time of day.  I might even give him some grief! Men don’t have the right to cause us any type of pain and we don’t have the right to cause them any type of pain either!  This is a human issue.

My nineteen-year-old son swears to me that his generation has quite a different attitude toward sex.  Yet, as his mother, I really have never found him to be terribly respectful of me as a female.  He learned that from his hippie generation father who had mama issues.

“But those aren’t actually the lessons society teaches — no, not even to “entitled” millennials. Remember: Sex is always a step behind social progress in other areas because of its intimacy.”

I’m not sure what she means here but it could have to do with the expression of emotions.  That is something that you definitely are raised to do or not do. My son has always expressed his feelings so I can only hope he will listen to his female partners’ feelings as well.  I can’t imagine it to be any other way, but who knows.

This article is well worth the read and I’m still chewing on it.  The short of it is that woman’s intuition needs to come UP when it comes to her body.  The days of patriarchy and misogynist men dictating to us our physical reality are ending.  It needs to end! I have never hesitated to speak up and communicate what I like and what I want to my male partner and have had a pretty good sex life because of that. I notice that as I take care of my body better and can move better, I feel more confident.  All of that is completely within my control and I encourage women to take care of themselves, focus on what they want for their bodies and move forward with that instead of blaming men and society for issues that are fully within their control if they’ll just focus their will and mind.

 

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Maybe Humans Crave Certain Feelings, not Drugs Themselves


That’s a pretty interesting suggestion.  It’s probably not a new one but I sure don’t hear anyone talking about that.  It would mean that you crave the way a drug makes you feel.

You may say, “Well yeah!” Pardon me if my realization sounds naive or conservative.  I’m not.  I’m an extremely liberal woman but I was born sober, so obviously I’m liberal intellectually, in speaking, and in friendships, not in my hobbies.  I have never craved drugs and when I do try them they don’t affect me.  Go figure.  I’ve used alcohol, been buzzed many times and only drunk once. It does nothing for my feelings at all nor does it make my body change much, good or bad. I’ve used pot maybe five times and it doesn’t affect me. I’ve used different kinds of tobacco and I like the smell of it because it reminds me of jazz, but that’s it. I cannot relate to craving a drug to make my feelings change. That’s as odd to me as thinking that changing my clothes will change my personality.  It’s extremely irrational and makes no sense to me.

I AM exceedingly familiar with my feelings changing though, a lot!!  My feelings have always swung this way and that naturally ever since I’ve been a child.  I am in touch with a range of feelings that as a professionally trained actor, I’m able to evoke or bring to the surface quite easily.  So, it must just be my personality; the way my brain works. It does run in my family, being theatrical, but we are also counselors, therapists, and mediums.  I’m also a musician.  I come from an emotionally expressive family so that was seeded in my subconscious in utero.

What all of this is bringing to light is the fact that if you have an expressive art you can imbibe in, maybe those feelings you’re craving will start flowing and your drug craving may go down.  We all need to let our feelings out.  And what about sex?  I know women tend to be more emotional during sex than men if men are at all, but more sex would be good for women then. Most women are as comfortable with sexual feelings as they are with taking a shower or feeling ill.  It’s just part of having a body.  I know this is diametrically opposed to men.

Men, I don’t know how you deal with your feelings other than drinking.  My 19-year-old son tells me that men do get emotionally attached in relationships even though males don’t get emotional during sex itself.  I know that the emotion of sexual tension that occurs when you’re attracted to a female is very uncomfortable for most men and FEAR is your big emotion; maybe even anger at not being able to control the woman’s sexual feelings? That was some inside information I received yesterday that was fascinating.  So, let yourself “be” in a relationship, talking, feeling bonded to other males and females as friends are very therapeutic for guys.  Also, just letting yourself feel the sexual tension with a woman you like.  It doesn’t mean you have to take any major action on it immediately…I guess.

As a female, I don’t really emotionally need friendships as much as I need sex.  I don’t think many women admit that but that’s definitely the case for me.  Or maybe I’m just far more into feeling my body in its natural state than others are. So it’s more important for me to have a partner than many friendships…eventually.

I’ll follow this blog up with my intuition and findings on sexual tension between men and women and maybe even women and women and men and men.  That should be compelling and timely. The issue seems to be unraveling our society on all levels. It’s about time right? This male fear and issue of emotional control is called patriarchy; then it manifests in forced sex. Nada. But are women really completely emotionally innocent in all of this? I really don’t know, seriously asking.

Is it possible that the psychology of sexual predation and sexual harassment is a form of sexual tension that is physically out of alignment because of pent-up feelings? Stay tuned.

 

 

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Feel Free to Bother Me


beautiful-woman-in-garden

I went out tonight to hear jazz.

I was perfectly happy sitting alone with my sushi and drink.

Then I feel these tentacles pulling on me and then staring, wanting my attention, wanting to talk, wanting to come over. He was needy and lonely.  I wasn’t. Why was he?  How many times have I seen men like that.

He’d already struck up a conversation with me from two chairs down which was ambitious.

He was smart and interesting fortunately and now we’re friends…I guess. Who knows? We know each other’s name.

I said, “Come on over and we can chat,” and he said, “I’d like that.”

But I still got that lusty, “You’re cute” vibe from him after a bit and left to chat with my other friend who I knew wouldn’t throw that energy at me.

I don’t know if some men want to use me to forget themselves, forget their wife who died, or to remember themselves.  Maybe it’s all of those.

But I still feel used when all I wanted to do was hear music so I could just relax and take care of myself.

I have to take care of myself. No man is taking care of me and I m not asking because I know the answer. It’s all different in middle age.  A man owes me nothing now because I’m not going to have any more children.  I pay my mortgage and all of my bills on my own, no help from anyone at all, including the government.

Why does he feel male privilege to bother me?

They either want attention, sex, food, or talking, even from a stranger!
The last thing he wants to do is to take care of himself the way I do.

Maybe that’s just my generation.

And yet, the men supposedly have more of everything for themselves, most of the money, most of the property, most of everything.  I’m not so sure about that.

But you still need more from a woman?

Why?

Why can I feel myself MORE without a man next to me?  That’s curious. Well, except for the one I want.

If you learn how to take care of yourself and share and I’ll give you the time of day.

Because I, and many women like me have nothing more to give you guys that you can’t give to yourselves.

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Ready To Rumble For Bonding


 

femalewarrior

 

Fight.  I’m ready to rumble for bonding.

So…no phone or text and no e-mail.

E-mail?  How am I going to get my edits?…and I went through editing withdrawal.

Do you know what that’s like as a writer?  I thought my head would explode.

I’m going over there…To the HOUSE.

He says, “I can’t believe you came over here.”

I was cut off!  I had no communication choice to get my work done.

He was happy to see me!  Came close to me, right into my personal space.

He cleared a chair off for me quickly, searched and found out it was his cut off to usurp my threatened cut off when the edits were done, but not before.  He goofed up.  No apology.

He sent it, I didn’t receive it.

I started this with my boundaries and he was getting his back.

Guess what I’m going to do next?

I’m going to seriously date someone else I like.

I…am…NOT…doing hook-ups and booty calls

For the last half of my life as an adult!

I have the energy for this.

Ready to rumble for bonding.

Mind you, the energy of my body will be as receptive as a duckling

But my mind will be a steel trap.

 

 

 

 

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Bashing the Women’s March?


Ok, day 3 and already I see FB posts of women bashing the Women’s March attendees. Not cool…at all. I do already feel like an empowered woman and in no way a victim despite events around me that I had no control over. I’ve worked tooth and nail for that. I wasn’t drawn to go to the event because I take care of myself, I’m single, I have my own money (not rich yet), and own a home. I’m 2-3 steps out from patriarchal oppression just because of that (not that it still couldn’t do me in).

But for some women to say, “You shouldn’t choose to feel like a victim” when IN FACT we live in a country that is run by institutionalized patriarchy, is pure denial.

Q: Are you married to a male and have his children?

Q: Are you subsidized by the money he makes? Sure, you make money, but are you educated enough, work hard enough, are organized enough, have good credit enough to stand on your own two feet alone financially like most men could, single?

Sure they can stand on their own. The system is set up to support men to make more money than women!!  There are tons of studies folks, of sexual harassment in the workplace and men taking credit for women’s accomplishments.

If your answers are yes to those questions, you’re a kept woman by patriarchy and probably don’t even realize it because it’s such a largely held value for women. You have unwittingly chosen to put yourself in a place to be victimized by the ENTRENCHED institution of patriarchy.

A Woman’s march isn’t going to solve that but women need to support one another, not bash and try to one up. Until women have

EQUAL education,

EQUAL intelligence,

EQUAL amounts of our own money,

EQUAL opportunity for home ownership and other buying power,

stop bashing the women out there who against HUGE odds and trauma have had to directly deal with a system that is rigged against them. Come out from behind your man and your Bible and face your own fear and oppression of what… life… would be like…. without a man’s protection,

because by nature, they can easily prey on you if you’re alone and it has happened to me since my mates have died.

HILLARY KNEW ALL OF THIS AND WAS TRYING TO HELP CHANGE THE INSTITUTION TO EVEN THINGS OUT!

And now we have Donald and his followers, who think it’s more empowering for women to be pretty rather than vocal and intelligent, wear short skirts, push their breasts up as high as possible and sell perfume and jewelry.  Yeah, that’s empowering like it is for a cow to get branded on the farm by a hot iron.  Fucking idiots.

Expansion-Paige Bradley

Sculpture by Artist Paige Bradley

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The Rothschild’s


No matter who the President of the U.S. is, the men of the Rothschild family rule the world with their power and wealth.

My theory…until there is a female version of the Rothschild’s, we will not be equal with men and end patriarchy.

Money is THE BASE of power.  Equal pay for equal work is very minimal but that’s the idea.  It is much easier to balance power between a male and a female if they each have their own money in equal amounts.  Then they can throw that issue out and go on to the next thing.

Men and women are different, but there really needs to be a balance of power if they live together.  To do that, we need to be clear on what defines power on Earth and money is a start.

Women, all over the planet need to stop being dependent on a man’s money and make their own.  There is so much fear around this issue.  Maybe it’s time for us to face it.

200px-Michail_Alexandrowitsch_Wrubel_001

 

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Middle Age Dating


I’m fifty three.  My seventeen year old son says, “Mom, you’re such a hippie”.  Well, sort of .  The birth years for hippies are 1945-1965 so I was born at the tail end; in 1963.

Now, if you sat in the middle west in a christian church, surrounded by white people and Republicans, you didn’t get the hippie memos about loving each other.  You only got the memos about marrying a nice girl or guy, only having sex if you’re married, only having sex to breed children, sex is generally sin because the body is sinful, anal sex is sinful, earn money, wives be submissive to your husband, and obey your parents.  I’m sorry, but you’re not hippie material.

I never thought I was a big hippie but here I am, totally holistic, spiritual, having set aside my Christian upbringing, healthy, happy, into free jazz, educated, mouthy, empowered, and I want to have sex every day and enjoy it!  All that happiness and freedom-yes, I guess I am a late stage hippie.  I know all about responsibility.  I have a mortgage and bills, a child, and work.  That’s all a joy to me because I’ve created a life I love.  And-I’ve always been monogamous.  I can barely juggle one man let alone several!

So, what is the emotional hang up of men my age that want to get married?  Why would you get married in middle age when you are no longer going to have children?  For men; status.  It’s a measure of success that you’ve been happily married and have well-adjusted kids.  The point of marriage is for the woman to corral a good man to be the father of her children in her child-bearing years.  Otherwise, there is no good reason to be married. Love is not a reason for marriage.  Marriage is only a legal contract.  If love was the reason for marriage the divorce rate would not be so high.  Millions of people are in loving, monogamous (or not), relationships and love each other.  Marriage functions for security of the child bearing woman in a patriarchal system and that’s it.

Men who want to get married a second time “to fix” the failures they think they made as a husband and father are barking up the wrong tree. First of all, it’s not all your fault.  It takes two to tango.  Second, you need to let the past go.  You can’t fix it, you can only learn from it. Third, your time is better spent learning how to love.  No doubt, part of the reason your marriage failed is because you did not love your mate or yourself.  Do you know what real love is?

Real love is attentiveness, kind tone of voice, affection, patience, communication, expressing how you feel, nurture, empowerment and freedom to be yourself.  Not because the Bible tells you to do it but because Life shows you that.  It’s IN you.  Mates are supposed to learn from one another and be good students to one another!  That’s one of the main reasons for the bond.

I don’t plan on getting married again.  Middle age women usually don’t.  If you want to get a good woman’s attention, take care of yourself, express your feelings, be willing to learn how to heart bond, and prepare yourself for a lot of happy sex because there is no chance of pregnancy for the woman.  We are finally free!

 

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Men Have Feelings During Sex


WHAT?  Seriously?

I read this article two days ago because I’m trying to figure something out.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-wygant/sex-reveals-his-true-feel_b_7905412.html.

My jaw was dropping open as I read it.  I’m not sure I believe it but it is from “The Huffington Post” and the fellow sounded sincere.  Then I discussed it with some women. They concur, they do believe men have actual “feelings” about their woman’s body that can be poetic, dramatic, and deep.  The women don’t understand it or necessarily believe it either, but they do believe men have feelings too.  But during sex?  Because of our bodies?

My mind is blown.  No man I’ve ever been with has expressed himself in a poetic way to me about my body.  I’m not saying they haven’t conjectured it or that I’m not hot enough to have been with hot guys.  I have!  But they have not expressed themselves to me about how they feel.  Why? I’ve gotten compliments about certain parts and of course the lusty chasing after me and wanting intimacy which a woman assumes means, the man is into her.

We call some of this lustiness from men objectification of women.  It’s not really fair is it.  If we’re straight, we love a man to love us.  We need a man to take care of business.  But why is feeling emotional and lusting after a woman’s body objectification when it’s nature?  The men probably call it art…or love, or passion.  If they do not feel passionate about a woman’s body, then what?  Maybe they are gay or just not that into her, or have a different kind of brain that changes their libido…like high functioning autistic men.

It’s called objectification if the guy doesn’t care what you think or how you feel.  I care more about how a man thinks and feels (and acts) than how he looks.  In fact, his mind is what absolutely turns me on, far more than his body.  I don’t know how many women are like me.  His tone of voice and the timbre of his voice is the other turn on.  I do believe most women are like that regarding a man’s voice.  I think our brains are helping us pick the right man to be the father of our children when we’re young.  After 50, that all changes.  But continuing on about men’s feelings.

The author writes, “When a man is having sex, there’s a rush of emotions. When he sees a beautiful woman underneath him, or a beautiful woman on top of him, he gets lost in his sensations.”

WHAT?

I didn’t get the memo.  I really didn’t.

He goes on to say, “Most of the time, the minute he’s released he realizes what he’s said. Then he thinks, “Oh my god, what did I say? I can’t believe I said all those things. I don’t really feel those things. I can’t believe I told her how much I love her, and how much I want to be with her!”

WHAT?  Now, your fellow didn’t actually say this, but his “way” and his thoughts did, is what this author is saying.  Well, how about that.  I am certainly in a dark forest here guys.  I wonder how many other women are?

The author finally says, “Our real feelings come out after the sex. I want you to remember that. I’d like you to pass along this blog to every single woman you know out there. Call it ‘dating insurance’. Make sure he has feelings for you after sex — before you commit your heart.”

WHAT?

I mean…where does it end?  Is this guy high or is this true to the men out there?  The mystery of it all.

stock-footage-alone-man-standing-on-the-seashore