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Intimacy; Hip to Be a Ho?


It’s all socially permissible and fine for women and men to be promiscuous now. Everything has changed in the last few years. I include men in the Ho category. In fact they seem to feel privileged to be so detatched. I find that doubtful.

Women my age are as hot as ever and the younger men like us because we’re more skilled and can’t get pregnant. Add to that we know what food to eat so our body fluids are tasty. That’s not something most younger women think about because they assume their pheremones have their sexual superiority to us all tied up in a pretty bow.

My generation was not raised to feel perfectly fine about pure sex with no love and I still don’t. But it’s not a happy thing for a woman to go so long without sex that she starts to tighten up to the point of re-virginization. It makes intercourse painful.

The problem there is, as all women know, you could wait forever and slowly become a nun before you find a man with an open heart, emotional skills and capable of intimacy. A woman could easily get stuck hanging out with her gay boyfriend and gay husband like Stanny was to Carrie on “Sex in the City”. Remember how long Carrie had to wait for Big to really love her and then marry her?

So, mainly for health reasons, women and men become Ho’s and have sex outside of love, commitment, and a relationship most of the time. I’m not judging it. I just did it and I wasn’t turned on at all. I walked into the kitchen and said to myself, “I have to live with myself. This is the way I am,” meaning I don’t get turned on unless there is some love and affection, kissing, and matching vibe. I’ve never been superficial or very promiscuous.

Mind you, this man was 6’2″, his body was not just a 10 but more like a 12, perfect manhood, knew what he was doing, brought me coffee and muffin and had luscious lips. And he enjoyed my body and said so! I love my body too. So what! I don’t need his approval.

Nothing. I felt nothing. He was the most detached lover I’ve ever had and I felt sorry for him. He may have actually been a professional because he had the looks and the skill.

I’d rather be celibate. There is nothing I hate more than a man who is hot and utterly emotionally uninvolved with me. This is all feels unfair. If I don’t want my womanhood to close up I have to resort to nonbonded sex with someone I barely know? Do you know how many dumb dates I’ve had with trolls? Why can’t men open their hearts more and get with the program? “Ho ho ho” and it’s not even Christmas.

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Intimacy; dogs or gods?


landscape-1500925839-golden-retriever-puppy

Who could resist that adorable puppy coming running toward them for attention? There ya have it. That’s the curse women are under with cute men. I’ve interviewed women and they agree. When a man is really cute he’s very hard to resist!  It’s terrible. We just want to love em’ up and feed them, make up a dog house, let them stay over, oh geez, on and on and it does us in. There goes the peace we need as females and space to take care of ourselves and get our work done. We really need to learn to resist this instinct!

True to form, I learn something every day about women and men, our basic natures, and realize there were many things I was not taught growing up. Can you relate to that moment someone close to you said something off the cuff and it stuck in your head? That was the case for me with my second husband Dave (my son’s father). He was walking up the stairs one day after a normal conversation and he looked at me and said “We’re like dogs. Men are like dogs” Some men are fancy dogs, or rich dogs, or bad dogs, or good dogs, or work dogs. Some are both! Some are crazy dogs or funny dogs, sexy dogs or sweet dogs. You get the idea.

If you read my blog regularly you can guess I looked at him with disbelief and derision. In no way was I going to accept that as an excuse for his behavior. Nor had I ever entertained a career in dog training or dog breeding by letting a man live with me. I’ve never even owned a dog and don’t want to because I’m consistently told that they are like having another child! Children need to be patted on the head and encouraged, praised with kind words, fed, loved, and kept warm and more. I already did that with my son. I don’t need to do that with a man or a dog. It’s a turn off to me to think about treating a man like a dog. But now I’ve been mulling it over.

I can say with assurance that I have always worked toward and considered myself a goddess as opposed to dog food. In no way have I ever fed my body to a lusty man to be consumed because he’s hungry. I think most women do though! They accept it! It does feel good and women most definitely have the instinct to feed men but it will kill your self-esteem and is not emotionally good for women.

On the other hand, men love those superheroes and I know for a fact they have a rich fantasy life about what great warrior heroes and magical powers they might possess. There’s nothing a man loves more than seeing a woman look at him sincerely as her hero. It’s not that a woman wants or needs to be rescued. We really don’t. But sometimes we definitely do need protection in a very rough world. Sure,  IronMan to the scene! I’m good with that and Robert Downey Jr. is a major hottie. A man who is a god can be recognized as truly wanting and respecting an intelligent woman who takes care of her own business. He takes care of his own business so he isn’t bothering her like a little kid and her in the role of his mother. No thanks. He also takes care of his health and teeth so he pleases her physically and of course, she does the same. Most of all, he likes himself and has matured to the point of being able to listen and care about how a woman feels.

So I can honestly say I’ve decided I am looking for a man who knows he really IS a god just as I know I am a goddess. It’s an awareness of the divinity within us; one with us and is the goal of the Spiritual movement. You won’t find it in religion and I’m guessing they find it heretical. Spiritual people are not saying we are God. We’re saying that our identity is an ascending child of God which is a god or goddess. We’re working on ourselves to get better every day. Every single human being has this in them; in our blood which is our QI, or consciousness. I’m not the goddess I want to be or know I can be yet but I’m almost there and it has nothing to do with age. That will be the subject of another blog.

 

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Men are Dramatic in Action and Women are Dramatic in their Speech


you've got to be kidding me

How many bazillion times have you heard a guy say “No drama!”? They act like they give women no drama. Men are over the top!!! Men get emotional physically and sometimes verbally. Their actions are too dramatic. That’s the testosterone and they put WOMEN through the wringer not being able to calm down their testosterone or my favorite, being so confused about how to relate what they want to us that they send dual-minded, conflicting signals. A lot of women think they’re lying but half of the time I think they just don’t know what to say…literally.

Women are more dramatic in expressing themselves verbally. Women are actually brilliant at expressing themselves verbally and men are FOREVER telling us to be quiet and stop being so dramatic. I fucking hate it nor will I obey. I find men and women to be equally expressive emotionally but in these two different modes.

Next time a man says to you, “Cut the drama” when you’re speaking and expressing your feelings, bring down the curtain on his ass regarding how his actions are overdramatic expressing HIS feelings. He can “cut the drama” too. Sheesh!

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Heartset; Men Blame Women for Giving in to Sex if the Man Really Wants Connection


How are we supposed to know off the bat that a man is truly interested  in us? He’ll behave like a gentleman and not a horny dog in the alley. He’ll dress nice and take us on a date. The same could be true of a woman. She wants to know who you are not just use you for sex even though you’re throwing yourself at her.

The horny men almost always start it up and expect the woman to control the situation so that a deeper relationship might be possible because the men need bonding more than we do! Women rarely get lonely; men do. Then the man needs to control his sexual compulsion and not blame the woman for the direction it goes. Women just as easily use men for sex if that’s all they’re bringing to the table.

The way nature works; once you start something with a woman we’re going to finish it! Men need to control and FOCUS their sexual fire, like the Sun.

“If a man adores one special flower, he must FOCUS his light in that corner of the garden and breathe. Otherwise, once the sun comes out, all the flowers are going to open. Don’t blame the flower for opening to the Sun. The Sun started it! You can always go behind a cloud or turn to rain! The flower is rooted in the earth and can’t change or move. The Sun can!”

flower garden.jpg

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Heartset; Three Types of Heterosexual Relationships


man and woman

The only one of these that is a real relationship is #3. The first two are sexual objectification. But by most people’s standards, #1 is a real relationship and is considered prison by many men but socially increases his status. Really, any man who prefers #2 will say he doesn’t want a relationship with a woman and will slut himself out to a woman handily. I’ve had male friends tell me that if a man is good looking enough, every man prefers #2 and that a loving relationship is absolutely off the table with the likes of any woman. These men are true immature narcissistic misogynists but ever so common. I guess it’s better then that they don’t mate.

I will admit that much of what I’ve observed about female behavior is societal programming for survival. Nevertheless, I’ve watched this for over fifty years and I believe it’s time for us to make a real leap in gender equity and get past the first two objectifying roles I describe.

  1. TERRITORY; A married woman, the mother of his children, a wife. They feign love but it rarely lasts as we all know. They are using each other for security and to raise children. There is no real love, the male mostly behaves as one of the children and the wife functions in the role of mother for everyone. This is typically pretty bad for women and good for men. Women get less healthy and men get healthier is what stats show. The reward is the woman has her children. The woman is still objectified and their sex life can easily become either boring or emotionally abusive and neglectful. This one is the outgrowth of religion.
  2. Hookup; A woman, especially these days, is sanctioned and appreciated by a man as a hook-up, a mistress, a lover, or a prostitute. She then gets roses or money. There is no relationship, no friendship, no respect, no real love at all. There is no emotional or spiritual maturity on the part of either the man or the woman. They’re just using each other for sex. This is defecation sex. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. They both function at the teenager level emotionally, indulging in their lust and not valuing self-control or bonding at all. This one is the outgrowth of the abuses of patriarchy and materialist society.
  3. LOVE; Two emotionally and spiritually mature adults function as equals in all respects and truly love one another. This one is rare but is now possible with the shift in the energies on the planet of late. It also underlies the Twin Flame 11:11 phenom and some soul mates.  They shoot for living from their core self, have dignity, take care of themselves on every level and are monogamous. It’s not a possession, territory or defecation sex. It’s a true love bond chosen freely by both parties. He is a grown man and she is a grown woman, emotionally mature, loving themselves, no longer living in the subconscious family mind but the CONSCIOUS adult mind that is no longer dependent on the immediate family. This one is the outgrowth of Spirituality.

Women who don’t objectify themselves in a monogamous heteronormative domestic servitude relationship or a promiscuous sexual life feeding men’s sex hunger and apparently their own, with no emotional or spiritual involvement from them as an adult male, are punished or ignored. Her only reward for her dignified choice is self-esteem and sitting in her own soul. Likely, her exemplary work paves the way for exponential competition and jealousy from more timid women beaten down by the system. She will somehow be roundly punished socially by the endless followers who think themselves good people but are really skating by instead of doing the right thing and empowering themselves.

#3 is the only real option for people who value love and still believe in it and want to do it. The challenge is that you have to work on yourself and stop expecting your mate or children to make you happy on an emotional/spiritual level. Sexually, yes, it is the adult’s role to satisfy you sexually and vice versa or there isn’t much point unless you’re both asexual. Some people are and have a different motivation for a relationship other than sex. To each his own!

 

 

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Heartset; Love and Lust are a Two-Way Street


Both women and men love and lust. Women don’t just attract men with their loving relationship skills and men don’t just attract women with their constantly lusty energy. There are plenty of women who no longer believe in love and have just given in to the lust paradigm of hook-ups, use, and throw which is what most men engender. So the women just go along with it having experienced too many men who don’t seem to want to love or don’t know how to. The women are busier making money than teaching the men about feelings or loving them in friendship.

There are also plenty of loving, sensitive men who do want intimacy, bonding, and a monogamous relationship. The key is obviously to find the person who wants the same thing as you. And it’s hard for men to trust women when many women are very bitchy or downright abusive and mean. They don’t take care of themselves and are in no mood to be loving to a man.

It does seem to generally be true that men are very, very comfortable lusting after women and just going forward with that and wishing for the woman to cooperate. It’s also generally true that women are more relational and loving and draw men in with that warmth going forward and wish a man would cooperate with that. The problem is, most women will not just cooperate with pure lust in a relationship with no bonding and most men will not just cooperate with pure loving relational energy in a relationship with bonding. There has to be compromise.

The truth is men sorely, sorely need someone who they can express their deepest feelings with and feel safe; someone who will be their friend with whom they can talk. They need a relationship far more than a woman. That can happen with a kind woman. The truth is women sorely, sorely need hot, great sex that fulfills their physical needs with a man who cares how she physically and emotionally responds to sex. Sex is spiritual to most women! We need a man who will stimulate our lustiness! I have yet to meet a man who really wants to get to know my body and soul sexually. I’ve almost given up. I wonder if men feel the same way about expressing their feelings to a woman without her making fun of him?

I don’t know. What I do know is that a woman’s lusty self needs to be stimulated by a man and a man’s relational self needs to be stimulated by a woman. Then both of them will be more satisfied and turned on.

 

anima and animus

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Essay; Sexual Shaming of Men


 

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I’ve been thinking about this issue for about a year now but it coalesced last night when I read a quite long, but well-thought-out blog post on this site that made light of how many women absorb shame from men when we have sex with them. Before that, we’re fine, happy with ourselves, like being a woman, and like our bodies. I think women are getting better at accepting our bodies as they are and the media is helping with that. I know I am. There are more women of all different sizes on T.V. and in all media. The SIZE SHAMING, no matter what size, has decreased. More women understand that it’s more important for us to love ourselves than to please a man.

But, reading her blog, I immediately related to the experience of being mystified as to why a man I was with would turn pornographic in his tone, talked about how hot I was, did the sweetie, beautiful “speak” and then wanted to get sexually nasty as opposed to sensuous and intimate. My assumption is it’s the testosterone and most women consider it normal. The last lover I had said, “Why do you have to be so seductive?” “Me? Seductive?” I’m a chipmunk! What was he talking about? I don’t think he was seeing who I was; he was seeing who he wanted and needed to see. He was projecting. Women are individuals not porn stars and it’s objectifying to treat us like we’re part of your MENTAL fantasy, not a person in front of you. But again, I’m not sure men can help it because of the shame they’re socialized with. Their minds are all cluttered up with objectifying materialism which makes them feel better. Their feelings are stimulated by things; women’s bodies, food, cars, houses, boats, and on and on. I’m not sure women understand this.

How much does that happen? Probably all the time. It’s men’s fantasy need of having a car or motorcycle that reminds them of a childhood toy that they loved. Then they imagined they were a superhero on that vehicle and some adult males still do it. They get a life-sized one and keep the fantasy going. It’s objectification that transfers over to sex with a woman. I suppose this underlies the barely clad woman advertising a car that is so nauseating to us.

It’s something to keep in mind that men probably watch a tremendous amount of porn because they can’t express their sexual feelings as much as they need to or the way they want to in our civilization that shames it. Most men are not relational, not romantic and don’t want to be yet many women need that to be turned on! If he acquiesced, he would be too much like a woman and he’s not a woman, he’s a man, which means he’s a part wild animal, part human. Not all men are of course but most of them are. It’s scary for some women like me when they turn wild animal. I guess other women like it.

I think that men project a lot onto women, as though it’s our issue, about how turned on they are by feeling ashamed, nasty, or mean. OR…is shame projected on to them from all sides FOR BEING male as though they are expected to be like that even if they are not? The writer I read didn’t say that in her blog or maybe she doesn’t understand it.  I think men get turned on by feeling repulsed. They’re attracted to women and things that are not nice and that are uncivilized and wild. It’s all that testosterone blasting through their brains that blows everything up. It’s the opposite of most women. I know some women are attracted to pain and ugliness, like a sadistic thing but it’s not terribly common. Still, I’m not judging it. Nevertheless, I am not that way.

It appears to me that everything in our civilization exists as it is to control men’s sexual nature and make things peaceable for women and children. Before, most of the time it was working. NOW, society seems to be tearing itself apart because men’s sexual nature is finally coming to the surface, there is more awareness of abuse of women and children, guns are everywhere which men love (you don’t see women using them in public much), we see incest, pedophilia, and sex trafficking at the highest levels of institutions, all the lies, and control about it are coming forward, the institutions don’t know exactly how to lie about it anymore. Men are victims of the system too otherwise they wouldn’t be victimizing those more vulnerable than them. It’s a trickle-down from the women and men in power who hold the system in place.

Civilization uses guilt, shame, control, incarceration, blaming women, sports, and the media all to LIE about men’s sexual nature. I guess we’re still working on a balance to our civilization as though it’s progressed from being in the wild. Sometimes I think it’s worse because it represses the true feelings and then they explode to the surface.

 

 

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Heartset; Can She Be a Human Being?


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She is either the big, bad, controlling monster because she’s a strong, intelligent woman or little Cinderella princess needing the glass slipper put on her foot? Too many men are passive-aggressive about women I suppose because they don’t understand us. We’re neither of those two ends on a linear spectrum. I wonder if men are capable of interpreting relational ideas past duality?

Relating is more complicated than that. Don’t give me the “Men are simple creatures that just need a dog” crap. If you’re going to inflate your ego to the point if feigning vast intelligence, all the top jobs and Nobel Peace Prizes, all the power in public and most of the money and fire women from their position who won’t hook-up with you, then you need to uplevel your brains to friendship with the woman you’re fucking. Then we can share power in public.

Let’s face it. We live in a vampire whored society where everyone is brainwashed to give over their mind and body to marriage, family, church, employer, and state for some money crumbs and the fat cats keep the rest and wait for us to die. Then the funeral homes and cemetery and the rest of the death industry clean up after that. It affects how women and men relate to one another to be sure because we end up in survival mode not thrive mode. That’s not a garden of intimacy.

I’m not and most women are not a misandrist. I just don’t want to have to train my mate the way I train my child. It’s an insult to men and women. We just want the species to survive on the planet, we’re the ones that make, birth, and love the species, and you guys have had your chance for the last 10,000 years. This madness has to stop.

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Heartset; A #Female #Intimacy Myth Revealed


There’s a myth I Rumi Water keep running into whenever I really like a man, we know each other and are friends, I’m attracted to him and want to have sex with him. His assumption is, given all of the desires I’ve listed above, I’ll fall in love with him or I am in love with him and want to put a leash around his neck or start a relationship. No, I don’t and it’s a bit insulting to assume women want or need to be hitched to a man or control him. We don’t. Women who want children are more that way for good reason but not me!

He assumes I will want to control him like a dog trainer. So wrong. So very, very wrong. I have my own life. I only control myself. I’m a cat you see. But if you suggest on a first date, “We can get a room,” Uhhh. No. Sex is not going to be the first date. If that’s what you want then you’ll get a woman that just lets her body and energy be eaten for a price or for free. Good luck with that. It’s chaos and she’s likely emotionally messed up as in “a sex addict.”

I’m starting to think it’s the other way around. If he has told me and continues to express that he likes me also, is attracted to me and also wants to have sex, he might fall in love with me, otherwise, we would meet-up. Why aren’t we meeting each other? He couldn’t hook me for sex with lying and saying he loved me as a friend. He obviously doesn’t. No integrity. He’s a user. I pose too much of a challenge.

At least I assumed it from the beginning. I let him run his game to see what he would do to get another notch on his bedpost. All lies.

Friendship and attraction are the basis of everything lasting. Possession and contracts kill it after you’ve had children. You don’t need it in middle age. Most couples break up after their kids are grown anyway. You get bored with each other as lovers and can just be friends. Sexual usage is jungle level not human level and shows a very low intelligence and low spirituality. No thanks.

The myth is that just because a woman has all of those things going on that I listed above that she’s in love with a guy. Nope. Nada. Huh-uh. Not the case.  Most women I know are very good at controlling their feelings and actually choosing them. We’re kind of expert at it for some reason, especially in middle age when there is no longer the motive of reproduction and the extreme lust that comes with reproductive hormones. Maybe we have a highly developed relationship between our amygdala and frontal cortex after fifty because we’ve learned a thing or two? We want real love and friendship, not just lust games, and personality compatibility, not just sex compatibility. Time to grow up.

I’m done. The karma machine is going to run ragged on this one. Good. I hate it when a man can’t emotionally deal with friendship and sex. It’s totally immature.

 

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Everyday Intuition; Competition at Home


BOOK FINISHED-Everyday Intuition-COVER JPGI remember feeling viscerally competitive on different levels with my previous mates with whom I lived. A lot of that is caused by sex. It gets you all riled up and thus the testosterone levels go up, especially for women which is not the best hormone to have in big supply. We need to relax. I believe that when you live with someone their energy rubs off on you for good or ill. The same would be true of the people with whom you work. This is not something of which most people are conscious.

When humans get around each other they compete more than anything else. To that end, just this morning, I realized that now that I live alone I am absolutely relaxed and feel no competition whatsoever with anyone. I love it. It really suits me and I’m in no mood to contend, compete, fight, create drama, watch the drama, compare myself to other women, try to match power with a man, or seek a man’s attention who has no real interest or connection to me.

It’s a dream come true to start to feel like I’m safe to inhabit my body and be true to myself in my work and personal life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It sure was hard getting to this point. Our world is completely vampiric, I’m here to tell you. Barely anyone is centered inside themselves and most people pull energy from outside of themselves from anything they can get their minds on. Not in my home, not in my office, and not with me.

Peace.