“I’m Sorry”


 

I'm SorryWhat most people mean when they say I’m sorry is, “I’m sorry you caught me doing something I should not have and it hurt you.” They’re sorry they got caught. If you don’t get caught or no one is bothered by your action, you’re not hurting anyone, right?

My first husband used to say, “Just don’t do it again.” Of course, a person is going to do it again. I did. In my case, when I’m mad I tend to say something hurtful. People always do what they feel they need to do, want to do or feel compelled to do no matter what anyone else says.

When a friend or someone I’m close to saying they’re sorry, I believe them in that I do believe they don’t want to hurt me. But that doesn’t mean they’ll adjust their behavior “for me” nor should I expect it. Most people won’t. Our first loyalty is to ourselves emotionally and I guess that’s as it should be. Whether or not the person close to them can detach from the things that repeatedly hurt them or not is the question. After all, it’s not that we intentionally hurt others, it’s that others let themselves feel hurt by us. They don’t have to. They can stay detached from certain behaviors and not let themselves be hurt by it. How we feel is in OUR hands, not others. If someone tries to tell you otherwise just ignore them.

Check how you feel in your heart when someone close to you hurts your feelings. That is using your intuition. If you just have a new insight into their personality and don’t judge them or diss them, then you love them. Your intuition just helped you pivot away from letting their personal issue hurt you and you stayed in your own space. Good for you. Self-love is intact and loving them is intact. But you also have a new heads up to their weak point and can detach next time.

When they apologized did you receive their apology and forgive or let it go? Or did it scare you and now you hold a grudge? If you went into fear and resentment that is not loving. You are using your intuition in that situation too. Unless you move the feeling to your intuition you won’t be able to assess the relationship accurately. That’s why it’s important for both men and women to be in touch with how they feel in their body.

There are levels of apology that correlate with Platonic Love relationships. The Platonic Love blog is a few posts back. I feel humans are called to love at all times; Agape, Philia, etc. So even in professional client relationships, it’s important to apologize and forgive. Love at all times will change the world.

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Is it a Relationship or Usage?


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I have to credit my friend Harry for pointing out this distinction verbally. I’ve always been aware of it but never considered that some people might not understand the difference. I always use my intuition and you can too to feel out the situation. For some reason, as soon as there is warmth or sex involved or the suggestion of sex, either or both parties may start to assume that they are in a relationship or moving toward one. That is incorrect. Or, as soon as a service is rendered or money is exchanged they assume it’s a relationship. It’s not. Some may say they have a professional relationship if money is exchanged. I would agree to that only if they return for the service which many times, it’s only a one time deal, humans being the way they are; fickle.

Right there you can see a connection between platonic philia and platonic eros. If THERE IS A RETURN for connection either for service (philia) or sexually (eros) you could start to conjecture that there is a relationship. You wouldn’t return to someone unless there was an affinity for service or for emotional intimacy. Most people really want that. Well, women do. I’m not at all sure men do, but maybe. When they say the words emotional or the word intimacy, they mean something different than we do.business people shaking hands

A relationship means that you can relate to one another and actively do either by just talking if you’re at a distance or see one another at whatever variable you wish. Just because your genitals relate to one another doesn’t mean that your mind and your heart relate to one another and this seems to be the big confusion for some people. I am of the persuasion that I have to have a friendship bond with a man before I’ll have sex with him. In no way is that possession or a relationship. It’s lover and friend status. It could be more though! It depends on what everyone wants.

The other big confusion is some people pride themselves on seeming invulnerable, perfectly rational, a closed book, never letting anyone seeing their true heart and not loving intimately, ever. They feel more powerful if they never love when in fact they are weaker. The heart is closed and needs to break to release past trauma. I promise you! I do it for a living and I am a safe person to be with if you have a broken heart while I run Reiki in the heart chakra. I remain detached but Love. There is always a reason from their past for that, likely a broken heart as a child. That can heal.

But there are millions of lightworkers like me that love at all times. I literally love everyone and I am very honest about how I feel. For the most part, I run agape platonic love. For a few men that I date and DO NOT see professionally, that turns into eros and I let them know but I never confuse the two. Still, in all my relationships, I love. Those platonic levels of love are important to know since we are called to love at all times in this world. One of my most recent blogs discusses it. That doesn’t mean I’m in a relationship with anyone nor do I necessarily want to be; especially if they pride themselves on using others and not loving. That will ruin the mind eventually.

If you don’t know one another and have no emotional or spiritual bond or affinity, then sex is just usage. If you don’t know one another and have no emotional or spiritual bond or affinity than ANY action you do together is just usage. What comes into play here are the roles you’re playing in an activity.

For those of us whose love language is touch, we consider talking all the time to be usage and body contact to be more regular or normal, meaning hugging, meeting in person, one-on-one, or if you’re intimate; actual sex. My love language is touch so I communicate best intimately that way, not talking over media. Some people are the opposite. In our culture of confused physical boundaries, it’s important not to judge those that prefer the love language of touch. For us, it’s like breathing. Professionally, I’m a bodyworker with very clear boundaries and communicate with my hands the best more than talk therapy.

Any service you do with one another in a particular role is just usage. If there is money exchanged you’ve paid for the usage or service. That’s a good thing! Everyone wants to be useful and needs meaningful work. Hopefully, it’s all clear.

 

Affinity


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It’s a good feeling to have enough in common with someone that you feel happy and relaxed being with them. This is nothing to take for granted because we are each very individual people within ourselves that need to be honest. We all want someone to know who we are for some reason. It seems to me, that honesty has to some extent been whipped out of us by the media, at least in America, to the point of most people not really knowing who they are because they have to be fake to make a modicum of money. I used to live like that and I don’t anymore. I’m completely working in my truth and I always have what I need monetarily. Consequently, my health is improving. The Universe works that way. Just be yourself.

The glitches start to come when you’re afraid you’re not loveable to another…really. I speak from experience. None of our parents perfectly loved us and some even completely failed to love us by being abusive and neglectful. Meaning, human parents can only be expected to love their children on a very basic earth level of keeping you fed, clothed, warm, clean, and healthy because we live on a war-torn, evolving planet. On Earth, you’re fortunate if you have food to eat and someplace to defecate. Throw some warm affection in there and that’s actually great. I think most parents succeed in this but some really were in no position to have children and you showed up. Someone can tell you that none of it was your fault but it doesn’t feel that way. That’s where having a relationship with Spirit and your Intuition comes in to heal that. You can use talk therapy until the cows come home but you also need to move the energy in your body which is what bodywork and a healthy workout are for. Counseling can teach you things and help you move your mind around but your literal energy in your body needs to be moved as well on a level of manifestation.

The subconscious mind is patterned with a deficit because the mother and father set those patterns. The good news is, over time and with focused habit, your conscious mind as a soul can overstep the subconscious mind so that you sit in soul truth. Who you are as an eternal soul are the feelings to run and they are unique to each person. The risk is when you start being intimate emotionally and physically with someone, those unconscious memories of not being loved well as needed by your parents start to come up. Again, I speak from experience.

I have completely pivoted on this. Even if I am a lover, friend, committed and living with someone, in no way will I become dependent on them or feel I can control or change them. I know how to nurture and love myself. I don’t want, in any way, to relate to them the way I did to a family member. Nor do I need to do that anymore. That pivot will put you out the outside leading edge. Just a flag to you. You will start to be internally healthy, happy, and independent when most people aren’t.

I believe that this is the only way an adult relationship can succeed is if you are both self-actualized adults and no longer responding emotionally the way you did in your family. Maybe once in a while, it may unconsciously surface, but it’s your responsibility to see that it’s rare and to love your partner or friend as much as you love yourself. That’s true love. Obviously, you have to look in the mirror and love yourself first.

 

Life in Between Writing


Does the life inside my head, when I’m not writing, count as my Life?

Or do I have to go outside and be around people to observe and participate in that stuff in between writing for that to count as my Life?

Or does the time I’m just being empty headed, doing and thinking nothing and not writing count as my Life?

I think it all counts.  Thought forms tend to be phantasms but they’re really not ya know. The preponderance is on action in our society but it’s not that way for writers.

Thought forms are picked up by the mind and manifested into the cells of the body.  I work on people’s bodies as a holistic health care service in between writing and see it every day. Dr. Mercola is a good one on this subject.  There is much research on quantum physics verifying the body as a type of energy antenna but we’ll start here.  Take a look.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/01/30/eft-mapping-emotions.aspx

My daily life is fairly structured and repetitive on the outside so I can serve the fluctuations, intuitions, and insights on the inside.  My pet peeve is letting myself get distracted by “friends” who feel guilty, don’t have much fun, or tend to be lazy and therefore jealous of others achievements who’ve earned it.  Therefore, I try to stay in creative mode and happy in my body.

When the sky is gray, like today, or it’s snowing, all of nature brings a variation that causes  lip licking and nose blowing with a tempermental euphoria that distinctly tastes like the air.  I love the smell of the crisp air in Michigan winter.  This is my life in between writing.

But even though the snow plows the street, must we go on an errand?  I just want to drink my Earl Grey tea and sit in my master chair writing my latest musing.  That’s the thing about being a writer.  When my mind is swirling, my body won’t.

For now, watching the rhythmic drips from my roof out my window will do until I set up another lunch date to look forward to with a girlfriend.  One thing I’m not going to do is turn the TV on. Television is a muse killer if there ever was one.

 

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Observation


My observation of my own life, and others lives, is that Life falls in line when I follow my inner guidance and pay little attention to what others are doing.  I’ll pay attention to what others are doing when it interests me! And I have many interests so I am interested in what many people are doing.  But a REAL time waster for focused, intelligent, loving people is caring about what the larger society is doing.  Television, news, “things”, competing,  I mean…unless  you feel super happy doing those things and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy-go right ahead.  Really?  It’s not going to lead you anywhere though unless you really enjoy your own company without them.

Being in debt to anyone is another way to have your personal power leached from you.  I’ve found that I am free to earn as much or as little as I feel like as long as the only people I have to pay the way for is my own family; my son and I.  I have the choice to keep my living expenses low so I can earn as much or as little as I want.  So, it is a goal of mine to get completely out of debt and not be affiliated with a bank.  I’m not affiliated with a bank at the moment; just a credit union.  And I am almost out of debt. The bank’s job is to leach as much of your money from you as it can.  So, I boycott them.  I hope they go away.

Loving my own body and feeling the way I want to feel physically is another very empowering position to be in.   When my time is wasted and I get upset, it’s hard to focus on a daily workout and pay attention to food nutrition.  Ever notice that? Others drama is well nigh constant and can pretty easily pull you off of your track.  I’ve been trying to lighten my load for about 25 years now. It’s fairly ridiculous.  It is getting better now as I learn to focus no matter what.

One thing is for sure on this planet.  When you watch and listen to people, they are interesting.  They come in all shapes and sizes, proclivities, and talents.  I like to watch individuals, not the larger society when everyone is acting like a pack animal. God bless the humans, as long as they don’t mimic each other incessantly.