Heartset; Can She Be a Human Being?


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She is either the big, bad, controlling monster because she’s a strong, intelligent woman or little Cinderella princess needing the glass slipper put on her foot? Too many men are passive-aggressive about women I suppose because they don’t understand us. We’re neither of those two ends on a linear spectrum. I wonder if men are capable of interpreting relational ideas past duality?

Relating is more complicated than that. Don’t give me the “Men are simple creatures that just need a dog” crap. If you’re going to inflate your ego to the point if feigning vast intelligence, all the top jobs and Nobel Peace Prizes, all the power in public and most of the money and fire women from their position who won’t hook-up with you, then you need to uplevel your brains to friendship with the woman you’re fucking. Then we can share power in public.

Let’s face it. We live in a vampire whored society where everyone is brainwashed to give over their mind and body to marriage, family, church, employer, and state for some money crumbs and the fat cats keep the rest and wait for us to die. Then the funeral homes and cemetery and the rest of the death industry clean up after that. It affects how women and men relate to one another to be sure because we end up in survival mode not thrive mode. That’s not a garden of intimacy.

I’m not and most women are not a misandrist. I just don’t want to have to train my mate the way I train my child. It’s an insult to men and women. We just want the species to survive on the planet, we’re the ones that make, birth, and love the species, and you guys have had your chance for the last 10,000 years. This madness has to stop.

Heartset; Love, Affinity, Growth, Fun, & Destiny all needed for Intimacy


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I have lost all of the mates I’ve had so much in common with; either through divorce or death equally. Neither of these things was within my control. We can control ourselves but you learn that you cannot control others. It’s one of the big lessons of mating and being intimate with someone.

Even if you are not visited by death or divorce, it takes more than having things in common to keep two people together. I believe love is the glue overall but love is not just a feeling. It’s more complicated than that.

It’s not very sexy is it…the word growth.  It sounds very serious to me. It doesn’t matter how it sounds though because it’s an inevitable part of life. Most of us like to have fun. Life is fraught with enough negative media, break-ups, death, groveling for money and headbanging over college exams and getting along with professors. It’s important to take breaks, go for walks, have some tea, dance, listen to music that makes you happy and want to move. I do all of those things to be happy in the midst of challenges, which will frankly, never end until we’re done with this life.

But there is another kind of growth. The kind where your heart is involved, reasonably so, but your mind assesses the situation and there is doubt. We make a very big deal in our culture about the agreement, affinity, and a meeting of the minds. We’ve all been in enough relationships to know that you are never going to agree 100% on everything when you are mated or in a close friendship. This is one of the biggest challenges in life and the one that precipitates the most growth for my soul.  It also causes the most angst. I think it’s sexy though because I’m a soulful woman.

Destiny plays a hand here. What lessons did you come to learn as a soul? What do you need to push through? Can you feel that certain people are good for you to be around and others are not? That is the case. “That’s NOT the kind of person I need to learn anything from!” If you can say that right away about someone, there ya have it! But with others, it’s not so simple.  You might not agree with them many times but you love them and you have no idea why. I think it’s a gift.

If you’ve ever loved someone who is very different from you or at a very different place in their life, it feels mysterious. I wonder why I’m drawn to that person. I really don’t have a lot in common but just some. Maybe we have things in common that we don’t even know about yet. But what is superficial? A political party, the past, and how much money we make as long as it’s enough to live or thrive as the case may be, style, culture.  So don’t discuss the superficial things then.

What is important is whether or not our hearts are open and we care for people. Do we have faith in something eternal or at least something bigger than ourselves? Do we take care of and love our bodies (health)? Do we abide by the law? Do we want to improve our minds? I would say these are foundational issues for intimacy. Then if something does end due to death or divorce, at least you had intimacy! That’s a good thing.

Body Truth; Bruce Lipton’s book “The Biology of Belief”


The Biology of Belief

I read Bruce’s 1st edition of this book several years ago when it came out and now finished his latest one with changes just now.  I recommend this new 10th Anniversary Edition.

I was reading it because I’m writing my own book that is a memoir encompassing the first half of my life, with the theme of synchronicity cues I saw throughout my life that helped me navigate family and relationship scenarios.  His recent research on epigenetics and the subconscious mind really opened up another panorama for me as I was raised in a genealogically myopic family.  Ancestry was a very big deal.  It was all well-intended, not to be elitist or biased in any way, as my family heartily embraces other cultures.  But it was still overkill.

In my family, I think the purpose was to sweep some skeletons back into their graves; to portray a picture of our family as better than it was in terms of behavior.  This is nothing new.  Welcome to the human family on this planet!  Everyone wants others to believe they’re better than the other guy, that their family is somehow exceptional.  God, it’s nauseating.

So, here’s the new deal though.  Bruce has scientific study upon a scientific study showing that we are in the 2:98 ratio.  Meaning, 2% of our DNA is from our family and 98% of our DNA is from our environment.  What we hear, learn, see, speak, do, pick up like a sponge and imprint on and continue to morph ourselves on is mostly what makes us who we are.  Your DNA keeps changing after birth and throughout your life.  DNA is not static; it’s active!  Your birth genes are practically squat.  All they did was give you a blueprint for your body, but they don’t control your body.  That’s the first breakthrough.  YOWSA!!  Right?

The 2nd big piece of news is that again, tons of studies have shown that your subconscious mind, as a baby, and even pre-conception, conception, prenatal, and early post-natal are completely formed by your mother and father.  Holy crap Batman, we are SCREWED!  Right? No.  You still have a conscious mind and free will, if you use it and activate it.  What your mother thought, felt, watched, said, experienced, ate, the people she hung around, imprinted your subconscious mind that you have no control over and cannot change.  I thought I was going to fall off of my chair when I read that.  The best thing you can do with this is create a good power-sharing relationship between your conscious self (your will) and your subconscious mind (your programming).

Now, before we all panic, do you really know your facts here?  What year were you born? Now go back 12 months (or so) and FIND OUT, if you don’t already know, what your mother was doing, thinking, feeling, and experienced a few months before you were conceived, and then when you were in utero.  That is if you can. This is big information for you because the way it works is, when you as a personality are not consciously picking your life today, willing the way you want things to go, making decisions, etc., you mind relaxes into vigilant subconscious mode, which  you are not in the least aware of, controlled by…your parents.  Holy crap!!  This is frightening to me. When you wonder why you do something that you did not choose…look at your parents.  You imprinted on it like a sponge in utero!  It’s not your fault and you can’t change it.

I was born in 1963.  My mother’s conscious mind, while I was in utero was in the 1950’s world.  That is accurate.  My house today tends to be retro, I’m traditional, love baking, homemaking, cooking, gardening, eating, Leave it To Beaver nauseating stuff feels natural to me.  I can’t help it!  My conscious, birth personality is the opposite, thank god.  I’m a free spirit gypsy, end of the line hippie, artist, dreamer, holistic, musician.  Ah…that’s better.  June Cleaver with hippie flowers and peace sign tattooed on her back is more like it.  I will be going toward that light from now on.

So, if you want to understand yourself better, take your birth year and go backwards into your mother’s time, her way of thinking, and what mindset she was in when you were in her and you will find some BIG answers.  Secondary to her is your father and then all the others in the home and others around them.

 

 

Body Truth; “Hand Over Your Body!”


In 2012, the US spent an average of $8,915 per person on health care, reaching a total of $2.8 trillion.  Wow.  I’ve been gauging the tone of social media and TV media for people’s feelings about their health, healthcare, physicians, and wellness.  I believe we may be reaching a saturation point with the public’s patience toward the current debacle of our healthcare system.  It’s too expensive and many times doesn’t work to correct the problem, even though you’re paying a high price for it.

It is somewhat ironic that while the Federal Government is gleeful about fourteen million? newly enrolled citizens in the Affordable Care Act Insurance exchanges, all I hear in my office, in person-to-person appointments with other professionals, and on the street is disdain for Obama care.  It’s a mandate!  Not only that, a mandate toward how you are to care for YOUR OWN BODY!  The federal government is going to make me pay an exorbitant amount per month for “what if” health insurance in a system that doesn’t even really cover services according to my holistic values?  It’s supposed to, but it’s not. It’s in the law, but the insurance companies aren’t heeding it.

In 2009, the last time the N.I.H. (National Institute of Health) checked, Americans spent $34 billion dollars on holistic medicine in that year.  That was ten years ago.  We’ve all gotten busier in my field. Massage Therapists in Michigan finally got a license!  I’m guessing that amount is $40 billion now.  It’s going to go up.  Why?  Because one thing psychologists know about human behavior is that people like to feel their own power but then they get scared of their own power, like a child. People like to feel that they have a choice. They like to know that they are in control of their own destiny. On the other hand, it’s a little too late for some people. They’ve trashed their body and mind, battle by battle in the war on their body. Then allopathic care is perfect for them. I think the federal government. knows that, the insurance companies know that, and they’re going to make sick people, addicted people, and people who have not taken care of themselves pay for that. I’m not going to pay for that. I’ve practiced preventative medicine my whole life. I’ve worked out my whole life. I’m sober; addicted to nothing. The physical things I have to work on, I’m working on.

The main thing stopping healthy people now, with regard to their own body, is education about HOW? their body works. They believe that the healthcare practitioner holds all the cards because we’ve been trained in the body and it’s complicated.  Well…it is. I studied just the anatomy and function of all the soft tissues of the body for 3.5 years with some smattering of organ function here and there. I am an expert on how your muscles, ligaments, tendons, and nerves work in your body and how they interact with everything else in the body. That’s valuable information because that makes up most of your body! But, I can condense it and teach you some. You don’t need to know every bit. You just need to know what your options are based on some basic facts that no doctor is going to tell you.

Mostly, you need to know how to do self-healing, how to focus the mind, and understand how your mind does indeed manifest in who you are and how your body functions.  You do have full control if you take it and use it.

Re-Program; Prejudice Toward Fat People


I have been a clinical massage therapist for 11 years.   I have worked on thousands of bodies, all body types, male and female.  I had one young female patient ask me once, “Do you ever hate someone’s body?”  Wow.  “No”.  That would be a bit incongruous with being a healer, don’t you think?  Yet, Dr. David Katz, M.D., a fairly well-read and popular doctor, wrote this great article for Huffington Post on obesity bias in healthcare.  Please read it before you go on.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-katz-md/obesity-bias_b_3193410.html

He doesn’t support obesity bias either and is calling for an end to it.  I don’t think he delves quite far enough though.  He cites the surveys that have been done in the healthcare profession that show that a good percentage of professionals feel revulsion, disgust, prejudice, bias, and emotional disgust when dealing with fat patients.  They have an emotional response toward large amounts of adipose tissue.  Even people who are fairly large themselves will express revulsion at those with even more adipose tissue than them, feeling that they are superior because “at least they’re not THAT fat!”  Everyone says, “But come ON!  It’s SO unhealthy!!!!” Practitioners in holistic health think that a thin vegetarian might live forever whereas a carnivorous fat person will probably die at 55.  It doesn’t matter whether you’re happy or not?  Frankly, I see clinical studies going both ways.  I dated a fellow who is built large, but he was fit.  He had lost a lot of weight too quickly and suffered for it.  The doctor couldn’t re-align his internal organs for him so he was in pain.  I’m on the scientific fence on this issue.  I think it’s healthier to be happy than to be a people pleaser for superficial reasons. Yo-Yo dieting and intolerance of yourself and others is more unhealthy.  Casting yourself into an elite, “beautiful people group” and exercising 2 hours a day, 5 days a week and dissing others is supremely unhealthy in a myriad of ways…and not cool.  Some big people work out 5 days a week and are still big!

Diabetes is unhealthy.  So is having cancer.  So is having 3rd degree burns all over your body.  But you don’t hear people emotionally exclaim, with disgust, “Your 3rd degree burns repulse me.  Get away from me.”  “Your cancer repulses me.  That’s it.  You’re going to be punished!  We are going to pay you less.  What’s the problem?  We are going to call you names.  We don’t want you to work here.  We are going to laugh at you.  We are going to kick you off the airplane because you have something “different” going on in your body than I do.”  Yes, people have a fear of being around the vibes of illness, especially cancer.  But they don’t have a judgmental bias toward sick people.  For the most part, they have compassion and are supportive.  Yet you continue to hear the social cover-up that belies hypocrisy to obesity, “But it so unhealthy!”  You know there is something deeper going on than a health issue.  What’s going on is BODY TYPE INTOLERANCE.  The person judging needs others to look like them.  That’s messed up.  And it’s very weak.  It’s even vampirism.

You don’t hear people say, “Your pancreatitis repulses me. Get away from me”. Acceptable disease bias does not routinely exist.  But excess adipose tissue gets this special place on the rung of “body alignments” that serves as a social whipping post for thin people or even people who just have body/eating disorders.

It’s social intolerance!~  It’s Projection 101 from the person that has a bad self-body image. If you stigmatize or have emotional (intolerance) about obesity, frankly, you have a body image problem of your own and you really need to admit it to yourself and leave everyone else alone.  Talk to someone who you can trust.  Get some help. You likely have an eating disorder no matter what your body size.  It’s not just very thin people who have eating disorders.  You don’t like yourself no matter what size you are.  What addiction are you indulging in to cope with your self-loathing?  It’s an epidemic.  And it’s socially sanctioned.

It manifests socially as Xenophobia-not liking people who look different from you because you are so insecure.  That’s as old as the hills.  It’s what starts wars.  It’s the cause of divorce.  It’s the way criminals and predators are.  They feel like victims, so they victimize others.  It’s also a symptom of the scarcity model that underpins Capitalism.  Capitalism thrives on the economic caste system.  God Bless America.

Personally, I have been all body sizes.  When I was a teenager (18-19) I was a size 9 and weighed 135.  I was not happy for other reasons.  When I was in my 20’s I was a size 12.  I was not happy for other reasons.  After I had my baby at 36, I was at 170 and was a size 14-16.  I was happy because I had my baby.  And I loved having a cushy, mama marshmallow body. Then, in my very bad, stressful marriage where I was attacked verbally and emotionally and had to defend myself all the time, I got up to size 24.  I’ve been divorced for nine years and now I’m back down to a size 14 and going down and settling down, and dealing with the kind of sensitive person I am.  Because I want to bounce around for the next fifty years and to save my joints, I’m working out every day and eating healthy.  But I feel good no matter what and I get A’s on my yearly physical.

My point is, at all times, I kept moving forward, had sex, was told I was gorgeous, had men pawing on me, and succeeded at whatever I wanted to.  It was not due to the size I was.  It was due to the fact that I am the Queen of my body and my mind and I think I’m hot stuff.  I see how everyone has a “hot side”.  I love all people.  I support every woman and man to feel the same way about themselves.  I felt comfy sitting in my marshmallow padding getting very intellectual in college and graduating magna cum laude.  That’s what I wanted!  I didn’t WANT to be small and bouncy.  My plush body served my purposes then.  And it serves my purposes now at size 18.  When you look at cushy people, know that it’s serving their life purposes right now or they’d be different.

People have the right to have the size body they need at the time, when they need it, for their own personal reasons.  When they want to change it THEY WILL, for their own reasons!  Or, if they don’t want to, THEY WON’T, for their own reasons.  You do not have the right to project your self-loathing and judgment, and teasing onto them, then justify it by saying, “But it’s SO unhealthy!”  They won’t be changing themselves TO PLEASE YOU, WHO ARE UNCOMFORTABLE with yourself no matter what size you are!

This culture needs to stop scapegoating fat people, start loving themselves and taking care of themselves at ALL stages in their body. The health and happiness of your body are in your hands.  It’s not in your spouse’s hands, your doctor’s hands, your kids hands, your parent’s hands, or the pastor’s hands.  What you feel in your body is what matters most.  It’s your body!

Everyone is different.  Everyone has a story.  Everyone has different needs.  Be cool.