Mindset; What does “In Your Face” Mean from a Woman?


Women leading

This article is dated May this year. There are a few articles every year to remind us that this Victorian issue is alive and well. Some women just don’t get it and they keep planting seeds of injustice in our minds and then we carry it with us wherever we go in society. I guess we need to set a strong boundary.

Here is the article.

Double Standards That Hold Women Back

Under the top picture, it says,

Women can rarely just be themselves in positions of power.”

This is the first paragraph.

“I suggested she—a rising female attorney at a law firm—be more assertive to make her ideas and opinions heard in meetings. She told me she’s compelled to filter every word lest she is perceived as overly ambitious—or worse, aggressive. She noted that her male counterparts, by comparison, seemed to feel free to say whatever, whenever, without incurring any negative judgment.

She wasn’t wrong—she really did need to choose her words more carefully than the men.”

That’s because Mom said so. Mom knows best. Yeah, no. It’s holding me back with that voice ringing in my head, “Don’t be in your face.”

This next part is just unbelievable and utter crap.

“Women typically rank higher than men on “agreeableness”—they have a reputation for being more nurturing, empathetic, kind, supporting, and accommodating. If you’re a female executive who others consider agreeable, chances are you will be seen as more likable.

But leadership positions require people to command authority. Aggressiveness will do this for you. But for women, the more aggressive they are seen to be, the less likable they are found—by men and women. It’s a double bind.”

There is still a huge chasm between social permission for a man to be assertive and even aggressive and a woman to be the same. This article from Forbes proves that in the year 2019 it’s still alive and kicking despite all of our hope and denouncements. There is also a generational divide here. My mother born in 1940 still projects her values regarding what she was taught about how to behave as a woman onto me because that’s what she is still doing. She’s trying to justify it through me. So do women from my own generation. She still feels free to direct me on what to do as well.

The double standard between women and men being assertive needs to end. The truth is, more women are far more assertive than men and just as competent! I could write about this forever but do read the article and try not to be in denial in your own workplace.

 

 

Essay; It’s Barely Been 50 Years…


Justice

The following list is of NINE things a woman couldn’t do in 1971 – yes the date is correct, 1971.

In 1971 a woman could not:

1. Get a Credit Card in her own name – it wasn’t until 1974 that a law forced credit card companies to issue cards to women without their husband’s signature.

2. Be guaranteed that they wouldn’t be unceremoniously fired for the offense of getting pregnant – that changed with the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of *1978*!

3. Serve on a jury – It varied by state (Utah deemed women fit for jury duty way back in 1879), but the main reason women were kept out of jury pools was that they were considered the center of the home, which was their primary responsibility as caregivers. They were also thought to be too fragile to hear the grisly details of crimes and too sympathetic by nature to be able to remain objective about those accused of offenses. In 1961, the Supreme Court unanimously upheld a Florida law that exempted women from serving on juries. It wasn’t until 1973 that women could serve on juries in all 50 states.

4. Fight on the front lines – admitted into military academies in 1976 it wasn’t until 2013 that the military ban on women in combat was lifted. Prior to 1973 women were only allowed in the military as nurses or support staff.

5. Get an Ivy League education, with the exceptions of Penn and Cornell, who began admitting women in 1870. Penn and Cornell are large universities and have always accepted hundreds of women in their entering classes. Penn always had a College for Women, which was for counseling purposes only; all classes were mixed, men and women. Classes at Cornell were mixed.
Yale and Princeton didn’t accept female students until 1969. Harvard didn’t admit women until 1977 (when it merged with the all-female Radcliffe College). Brown (which merged with women’s college Pembroke), Dartmouth and Columbia did not offer admission to women until 1971, 1972 and 1981, respectively.
Other case-specific instances allowed some women to take certain classes at Ivy League institutions (such as Barnard women taking classes at Columbia), but so many women in the ’60s who harbored Ivy League dreams had to put them on hold.

6. Take legal action against workplace sexual harassment. Indeed the first time a court recognized office sexual harassment as grounds for any legal action was in 1977!

7. Decide not to have sex if their husband wanted to – spousal rape wasn’t criminalized in all 50 states until 1993. Read that again…1993.

8. Obtain health insurance at the same monetary rate as a man. Sex discrimination wasn’t outlawed in health insurance until 2010 and today many, including sitting elected officials at the Federal level, feel women don’t mind paying a little more. Again, that date was 2010.

9. The birth control pill: Issues like reproductive freedom and a woman’s right to decide when and whether to have children were only just beginning to be openly discussed in the 1960s. In 1957, the FDA approved of the birth control pill but only for “severe menstrual distress.” In 1960, the pill was approved for use as a contraceptive. Even so, the pill was illegal in some states and could be prescribed only to married women for purposes of family planning, and not all pharmacies stocked it. Some of those opposed said oral contraceptives were “immoral, promoted prostitution and were tantamount to abortion.” It wasn’t until several years later that birth control was approved for use by all women, regardless of marital status. In short, birth control meant a woman could complete her education, enter the workforce and plan her own life.

Prior to 1880 the age of consent for sex was set at 10 or 12 years old in more states, with the exception of our neighbor Delaware – where it was 7 YEARS OLD!

Gender equity is NOT just for other women. It’s for all men and women as a human rights issue!

Essay; Men and Sex. Not the Same as Women! Polyamory vs. Celibacy


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The male animal has been domesticated and it’s not all pretty. I think of that right-wing show I can’t stand, “Last Man Standing” with Tim Allen as the star. I am at a unique vantage point right now on this issue as a single, 56-year-old, financially independent woman.

The societal Disney pictures are that I’m supposed to have kids in college or graduated and grandchildren on the way in a loveless and sexless marriage going to church every Sunday in order to be respected and to be “an honest woman”. That is not the case here and I’m happy about it. I live my life in truth and do whatever I want.

The societal Disney picture proscribed onto a 56-year-old man is pretty much the same but it’s far more likely that he is lonely from what the stats report. I’m never lonely. Women find real love through our children and grandchildren. I hear there is nothing better. Our mates have never been a terribly adequate source of love, let’s face it. Over time, we get tired of each other’s issues and the stats bear me out. I do believe love is possible though in middle age.

Women happily and independently move on and grow, usually living alone. The men are still dependent, stuck in this situation with nothing, having evolved with a brain that seeks more than one mate for reproduction. They are on the prowl again. There is an option for men; polyamory. This is a good article on it and explains reasons and motivations that have been studied. However, I’m conjecturing it’s for younger men.

Why People Choose Polyamory

I suppose some women like polyamory but I don’t think it comes naturally to us. Personally, if I can’t find the right partner that suits me emotionally and spiritually I remain celibate but I don’t think most women do. I’ve done that for years at a time but never more than two. That sits very comfortably with me because I love deeply and never deny my feelings to suit men that are detached emotionally from sex.  So really, polyamory and celibacy are related in that, if you can’t find the right partner you do what you have to do; whatever you need. But we have to admit that love is a magnet for men and for women. When someone finally loves and understands you, you’ll go to the end of the world to be with them.

If women have emotional issues, we know how to deal with them, grow, and decide what we want; a new mate or remain single. Then we do whatever we want. If you take care of yourself, there are a million men who will chase you. You just have to pick one. But for friends or family who choose polyamory, this is a good article on the possible motivations so you can understand it better rather than judge it.

This particular quote really rang true to me.

“Polyamory can effectively skirt the need to face an addiction and the painful feelings it covers. However, polyamory can also be utilized as a healthy means of coping with psychological difficulties, pre-existing trauma, differences in sexual desire, and the garden variety erotic boredom so common in long-term monogamous marriages.”

I see so many clients with painful feelings that have not come to the surface and then it resides in their bodies. That directly affects their ability to bond and love a mate and have great sex. This is just one of the reasons for polyamory. And of course, the basis of that is the parents and time in utero, and the early childhood that formed the subconscious mind; especially the mother. I have compassion for men that were born to very wounded, unstable mothers. They don’t have much feminine principle strength within them to pull from. Girls of wounded mothers do; themselves. It’s a blessing to be born female, no matter what the Chinese think. The inner mother is our greatest guide and support on this planet.

For men, I can only hope that they find a female friend that loves and nurtures them just as they are so they can learn to love their body, take care of themselves and be empowered men. Women have no excuse. We are the strong ones on the planet hands down. It is our responsibility to lead, take care of ourselves and to teach healing by being a good example.

Essay; The Sacrifice Model Shores up Patriarchy


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“My Kite” by Paige Bradley

My last post was about men as a subject, women as object and how that can pivot so that men are objectified as well under the paradigm of patriarchy.  That’s not something that most women are aware of. First, let me remind my readers that neither male nor female dominance in civilization is ideal. We came from 5000 years of matriarchy which preceded patriarchy and now we are shifting again. My hope is that we don’t go back to the mistakes and abuses of matriarchy just because it’s in our collective unconscious ancestral memory. I believe women have evolved ahead of men but men have come a long way as well in 5000 years. The idea here is for humanity and the earth to move into our conscious minds, or reasonable mind engendered by the balance between intuition and rationality. That will then fill our households, the foundation of our societies the world over.

Gender equity or balance of power will lead us to less militarism, more peace, more great sex, and more love. Yes, I’m an idealist but some partners are succeeding. It occurred to me yesterday that when you have the subject-object system going, which is what patriarchy thrives on, both subject and object, both men and women are sacrificed for the profit of the 1% on the planet, even though patriarchy makes it appear as though men are in charge. They aren’t really. They only have what women let them have. Imagine for a moment the suggestion of “Lysistrata” coming to pass?

Lysistrata is a Greek comedy written by Aristophanes about women boycotting sex with men in order to quell the endless wars of that age. What if today, women all over the planet found the wherewithal to stop making porn videos altogether, stopped having sex with their husbands/boyfriends/partners, and halted reproduction until men got the message of respecting our humanity and not just looking to us for sex and food attention but as a friend and a mate? Maybe this is what lesbians wish would happen. There is a whole group of feminists that believe that until women take full charge of their body and stop sharing it with men, women don’t stand a chance of true liberation. I just ponder that in my circumstantial celibacy. I will say that it’s truly empowering to live alone and be in full charge of my body and my physical energy as a female. I’ve become fully aware of how much all of the men I’ve known have taken sex and food from me and how little they’ve truly given back. It’s not an awareness I relish and I’m certainly not saying that I believe all men do that.

Subjects are sacrificed to the 1% who in turn are brainwashed or socially engineered to sacrifice the objects. Men are “subjected” to the dictates of family, state, church, and corporation and sacrificed and rewarded for handing over the control of their heart and mind to that. That’s how Trump got elected in provincial, small-town America which is trapped in it’s subconscious, family-programmed mind!

Part of the purpose of social engineering is to objectify and eat women for breakfast. Women are to be consumed; sexual consumption and food consumption. Men are not taught to see us as full human beings with a mind and heart but to overlook all of that, no matter how smart or successful we are in order to objectify and subsume us; no matter what. Her provision of children is only a mask for the man that makes him appear more socially acceptable to all of the institutions listed above. Let’s not forget that he is not acting from a whole heart and mind. If he did, he would be a damned artist or poet, drugged in a psych ward and living on the fringes.  We can’t have that frightful prospect, can we? I’m half kidding.

There are millions of men and women who are free spirits and see through the charade of civilization though and we own houses, pay our bills and mow the lawn. It does take guts to join us though and we’re usually not rich.

So you see the subject-object title is interchangeable. The subjects are also brought to be objects for the elite; especially in war (the honored dead, mostly male), in sports, and in corporate life. It’s incumbent on men and women to jump out of the subject-object roles and live a free life.

 

 

Body Truth; False Equivalencies of Gender


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My intuition came on strong today regarding a remedy for what is perceived now in the media as immense gender disparity, women as the victims, and a desire for justice.

Matriarchy and Patriarchy, operating our human societies for the last 10,000 years have set up false equivalencies of power. False equivalence is a logical fallacy in which two completely opposing arguments appear to be logically equivalent when in fact they are not. This fallacy is categorized as a fallacy of inconsistency.

The actual behaviors on the part of men and women, in terms of physical, sexual behavior is entirely natural. What is not natural now is our civilization. Staring at our screens and not talking or touching one another is indicative of that! Our healthcare system is indicative of that also. Nothing about our body awareness, perception, and flow are in accord with the natural cycles and rhythms of nature.  It’s affected our sexual behavior as women and men, of course, as the first line of physical behavior since that is mainly what we are; sexual animals. Our civilization has taught us, via State and Church to not be sexual animals anymore, or follow nature, and that it should all be controlled and repressed. Sexual behavior and all of nature is actually a beautiful thing; not to be avoided but to be feasted on!

Wow is the repression of beauty and enjoyment a profit boon for the porn industry; bottom line.  And why does pornography need to be only seen as violent?  Some of it is violent, much of it is not.

We see events now, all over the world really, trying to bring a measure of SHARED power not based on gender. We see it in Saudi Arabia, Europe, Africa, and the U.S. but we keep banging the drum of gender as a procrastination really, mostly on the part of women, to, at last, release matriarchal dominance (the Democrats) that subjugated and insulted men in the past while we abused our power over them.

We need to finally acknowledge that men can take care of themselves as grown-ups and need to rectify their adolescent behaviors (the Pubs), that we can each take care of ourselves, and neither women or men need to throw themselves on the sacrificial pyre of STATE or CHURCH forcing its values onto the family.

Those two institutions use gender war to take both of our power. Let’s support one another, be kind and loving to one another and acknowledge our unique power as individuals. Our strength is in each other, not in institutions, tech, political parties, and a money system that supports militarism and gender disparity at the expense of each other.

Essay; Woman’s Intuition


zoosk

I don’t know if living with a woman ages a man or not but living with a male has been shown to age a woman.  It depends right?  My empirical observation is that women are just more experienced with intuition and more accepting of it than men are.  It’s more of a fact of nature to me than anything.  Maybe we’ve evolved the trait over time. Nevertheless, my radar was on last night.

I had a date last night for the first time in a year with a man.  The synchronicity about it was, the same day, I had been contacted by the fellow I had last dated ten months ago and had been fairly traumatized by actually. That’s a long story and I don’t think that there is ever one person responsible for the trouble in a relationship, but I have more scruples than he does; for sure. His call was trying to create a pretext for seeing me again by pretending he cared about my book when I didn’t even ask him for help (he’s an editor). The short of it is, I called him out on the emotional mess he left of “he and I” and told him “bon voyage” even though he doesn’t really have the guts to move out west by himself as he said he would back in October, which he used as an earlier excuse not to see me anymore. Or maybe, since today is his birthday, he thought I would be schmuck enough to make him a birthday pie as I did last year.  Not a chance in hell buddy.

I’m not sure if my scruples are a problem or not when I have a lover. I feel like it makes me “unbedable” in a way because I value love. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination.  I just like love and bonding, not hookups and this last fellow was the one responsible for taking it too fast. He was like a wild monkey. That would be hot if he also cared about me but because he didn’t, he pissed me off. I’m an intelligent human being with a heart and mind not a chimp in the jungle. Sex alone does nothing for me.  I digress. He’s done for.

Back to my current date…Maybe I’m somewhat old-fashioned, but telling the truth would be good for starters. His profile said that he was 50 years old. Since we were in a Chinese restaurant looking at the placemat with Chinese animals per year of birth, I asked him what year he was born. The answer, “1961”.  The dude was 56. I need to date a younger man, like 45-54 because of my attitude and look.  Two doctors in the last two months said they thought I was forty so I’m not in denial like some women, and I take care of myself and don’t smoke or drink too much. Both of those ages a person.

He kept projecting all of these character defects onto me on our first date.  It was truly repulsive. Harvey Weinstein’s face kept flashing in front of me.  I told him the Kung Pao Shrimp was very salty to my taste but the flavor was good. When I didn’t tell the waiter that but said it was fine because I don’t care if the waiter knows or not, he chided me, “You need to tell the truth!” Really dude?  Who was your last woman?  A criminal?

I don’t eat much salt and Chinese restaurants are notorious for salt so it’s not like the restaurant did anything out of character. I’m not going to bother with it. But the first thing out of his mouth was remembering how proud I was of my work when he offloaded regarding his body to me in a previous phone call. Boy did that piss him off. Apparently, it pissed me off that he decided to go get a spa massage after I spent a half-hour listening to and talking to him about his back and how my manual therapy work could help him. He wasted my time. The conversation ended with him saying, “I’ll just go see a massage therapist.” I’d forgotten about it until last night, so apparently, the purpose of the date was for him to throw his resentment and offload to my face.  Then he very proudly asked the waiter to split the bill. It was abusive.

So here we are in 2017, where a kindly, very intelligent very skilled, cute single woman is being herself, namely me, and a guy who has been divorced by the mother of his three children who has obviously failed miserably in some arena is going to offload on his date instead of fixing his mess. I posted this before, but there is something emotionally wrong with guys. I think he’s going to die old and alone because of his ego. He can think he’s a catch, and he said as much, but by his behavior, is anything BUT a catch. Talk is cheap guys. Deeds over words. We hardly spent any time together and he was a major jerk.

Mind you, his online profile was sparkling. My intuition told me to stand him up just from the tone of his texts. I didn’t think he would show up. So, I let him show up first, he texted me he wanted me to come, so I went. I should have listened to my intuition.  He was a class A jerk, but cute.  I don’t care about cute when the heart is cold. A cold heart is a misogynist and I suggest you get your heart healed and fix your behavior before you date a woman who is not a hookup. Oh, and he would have rather we met in a bar but didn’t say that beforehand.  Spare me.