Essay; A Woman’s Ego


 

Woman on a mountain

I originally blogged this on August 26, 2013; 6 years ago.

The book I wrote, “Healer” has a section on bonding; page 240.  Like most people, I believe that men and women have a tremendous amount in common biologically.  And I really do like most men.  However, socially, on Facebook, and in the town, I live in, the more I talk, as a literate person, as an intelligent woman with self-esteem that isn’t a doormat, as a woman who is a small business owner, the more I get called names like “egotistical” and “pathetic”.

So I decided to think about the difference between a woman’s ego and a man’s ego. There are books and articles about a man’s ego all over the place. The “fragile male ego” is well known.  But the woman’s ego?  Imagine, the “fragile female ego” being bandied about.  It’s more like, “New discovery!  Women have an ego! Make a flag for them!”

The definition of the ego is a sense of “yourself” or “self-centered”. Everyone starts out at a young age with a natural inborn sense of who they are as a person unless your parents or religion beat it out of you. That’s possible and maybe prevalent, but not healthy at all. People do tend to feel more secure if they agree with one another.  It’s curious.

A woman…with a sense of “herself”, pride, dignity, accomplished….well, she doesn’t sound very sexy.  Or does she?  Why do I assume she has to sound sexy? She doesn’t have to but women want sex probably more than men do. If you described a man that way it’s sexy.

There’s our first red flag. Women are given the message early on that their attractiveness as a potential mate, for the purposes of reproduction, should define their sense of self-worth. Thus the obsession with superficial looks as opposed to a big brain, articulateness, education, in essence, the character Amy Farafowler on “Big Bang Theory” (who I love). It’s just starting to catch on. And we are ever so grateful to Dr. Barbie and Corporate Manager Barbie to serve as a role model for young girls.

Yes, women have an ego.  Yes, women have a sense of themselves as an individual. Our needs with regard to education, intelligence, level of respect and pay in the workplace, respect in the home, respect from our sons, access to team sports, et.al are EQUAL to men.

I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life writing and living an example of a woman with an ego who loves.  You can’t love from emptiness.  You can’t love if your body is falling apart because you’ve given your last ounce of life force to everyone else. Women can be an example of how to take care of ourselves first and then whoever else we prefer to care for.

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Essay; A Woman’s Ego


 

Woman on a mountain

I originally blogged this on August 26, 2013; 6 years ago.

The book I wrote, “Healer” has a section on gender.  Like most people, I believe that men and women have a tremendous amount in common biologically.  And I really do like most men.  However, socially, on Facebook, and in the town I live in, the more I talk, as a literate person, as an intelligent woman with self-esteem that isn’t a doormat, as a woman who is a small business owner, the more I get called names like “egotistical” and “pathetic”.

So I decided to think about the difference between a woman’s ego and a man’s ego. There are books and articles about a man’s ego all over the place. The “fragile male ego” is well known.  But the woman’s ego?  Imagine, the “fragile female ego” being bandied about.  It’s more like, “New discovery!  Women have an ego! Make a flag for them!”

The definition of the ego is a sense of “yourself” or “self-centered”. Everyone starts out at a young age with a natural inborn sense of who they are as a person unless your parents or religion beat it out of you. That’s possible and maybe prevalent, but not healthy at all. People do tend to feel more secure if they agree with one another.  It’s curious.

A woman…with a sense of “herself”, pride, dignity, accomplished….well, she doesn’t sound very sexy.  Or does she?  Why do I assume she has to sound sexy? She doesn’t have to but women want sex probably more than men do. If you described a man that way it’s sexy.

There’s our first red flag. Women are given the message early on that their attractiveness as a potential mate, for the purposes of reproduction, should define their sense of self-worth. Thus the obsession with superficial looks as opposed to a big brain, articulateness, education, in essence, the character Amy Farafowler on “Big Bang Theory” (who I love). It’s just starting to catch on. And we are ever so grateful to Dr. Barbie and Corporate Manager Barbie to serve as a role model for young girls.

Yes, women have an ego.  Yes, women have a sense of themselves as an individual. Our needs with regard to education, intelligence, level of respect and pay in the workplace, respect in the home, respect from our sons, access to team sports, et.al are EQUAL to men.

I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life writing and living an example of a woman with an ego who loves.  You can’t love from emptiness.  You can’t love if your body is falling apart because you’ve given your last ounce of life force to everyone else. Women can be an example of how to take care of ourselves first and then whoever else we prefer to care for.

 

Essay; It’s Better to Have Loved


Susan Bauser, Artist

You know the saying,

“It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”-Alfred Lord Tennyson

I have a new sense about it. If I love, anyone, for any length of time for any reason, my heart may break open but that is never a loss. I don’t feel that I’ve lost anything by loving but have gained. My soul is awakened by connection, care, and bonding.

What I lose is what I did not need; belief that I control that which I cannot; others and their feelings in addition to my feelings.  I lose the belief that I can control their movement, coming and going.  I lose ego, loneliness, radical independence, no connection, cynicism, even resentment for humans just because we can be weak!

All there is, in the end, is love. People say that all the time but I really feel I come from love and will eventually return to love. And love is what binds me together with all life forms.

So maybe my perception is that I’ve lost a lot in my life.  That has indeed been my perception. But if I’ve loved and learned in the midst of that I haven’t lost anything at all; I’ve gained the gift of my soul being broken open.

As a writer and an artist, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.  Now I have the rest of my life to tell stories and express how tragically beautiful that brokenness can be and how it’s the only path to wholeness.

No one gets to skate past being broken.  It’s pretty much what happens to everyone on this planet. We’re equal in that.