What is Your Lilith Placement?


This is actually pretty interesting. I woke up obsessed with the Lilith point position in my solar chart. I must have dreamt about it. Our solar charts are limited with regard to our destiny and personality because they only take into account 4D solar positions of where we are each positioned in this Matrix of ours.  When I do Intuitive readings for people, I only glance, not study their solar natal chart and their Tzolkinkonic line-up in the Mayan multidimensional alignments as well. Those are the destiny patterns. Now the context of what I see intuitively for the individual is in a universal context.

I’ve been working this way for years and it’s not hard to work up a chart. It does take time though and I offer it as a service. That said, there STILL is NO CONTROL or overstep by those alignments over your free will, your mindset, and heart set. So when I look at a person intuitively, I literally see what they’re creating right now, what could be coming pretty soon and bit further down the line. However, that can change if you change yourself in a big way.

The thing is, most of us don’t change in a big way as we go through life. It’s all usually gradual. That is the healthy way to be because our brain and body like equilibrium. Every health care practitioner will tell you that. Consequently, people who are drawn to extreme swings of behavior or health regimens are usually judged handily. That’s not fair. Sure, they may die sooner than rest of us but if that’s fun for them and makes life worth living, let them be. However, don’t follow their lead! It’s not for everyone. Personally, I’m better SAFE than SORRY!

Now we get to what I’ve been blogging on. Men and relationships, dating and sex boundaries. In walks Lilith, the dark of the moon who is often envisioned as a dangerous demon of the night, who is sexually wanton, and who steals babies in the darkness. Lilith may be linked in part to a historically earlier class of female demons in ancient Mesopotamian religion, found in cuneiform texts of Sumer, the Akkadian Empire, Assyria, and Babylonia. She was mythologically Adam’s first wife made of clay, just like him, not from his rib as Eve was. Again, this is all fictional, a character likely made up by the Jewish priests who needed a twist on Eve. Her name really means Night.

Dark Lilith

I think she’s a little Hollywood Blvd. or everyone dressed in black in Greenwich Village in New York. It’s kind of immature but there are many women that are into this. I personally wouldn’t mess with this energy. That said, one interpretation of my chart says I need to face my inner night, my lack of balance that is my Lilith in Libra.

White Lilith

There is another whitewashed version of her that is a little Victorian. But many women take to this one as well. I can’t relate to this one either. I know many women who can and do though. My family takes after this one.

The Lilith placement in the solar chart is about your resistance in this life. What are you ashamed of, what do you struggle with, what do you need to rampage? Having confidence in yourself? Taking care of your body? We all know that we need struggle to grow, like a seed germinating in its pod underground. There has to be some adversity, a freeze, to stimulate its DNA to push up out of the dark soil toward the sun. The human soul is exactly the same way. To that end, google “Calculate my Lilith in my natal chart” to find out. Then there are many sites that interpret it. As you might guess, my Lilith in Libra has everything to do with the balance of power with men and it is a huge issue for me. Apparently, the blindfold on the goddess Justice is idealistic. It doesn’t exactly work that way.

I am a lightworker, but in what ways do I need to see my dark pieces? It’s a valid question because we all have vices amidst our virtues. I prefer the picture below as it indicates the wisdom and animal totem of owl, birds, night time, and the full moon. Those things are all good and evoke the womb, the second chakra, goddess energy and what the men truly crave from women in balance during sex. I believe the balance between women and men begins with each woman truly honoring the power of her body, her light pieces, and her dark pieces. Men (and women) can help us see what those might be but we should never give them control over them.

owl_goddess Lilith

 

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Insects to a Flower


bee in a flower

Is this picture a turn on or what? I seriously think it is being a nature nerd. Or maybe I just have spring fever. I think it’s awesome. Nature teaches us everything; even passion. Granted there are many changes in our culture regarding men advancing to women and women to men, but those proclivities don’t change the way nature works one iota, and the fact is, human beings are part of nature. We share the same DNA with all of the plants and animals on the planet.

I speak of the birds and the bees, the flowers, and the trees. I’m not suggesting they have to be pretty and colorful. Many things in nature are dull, ugly by most assessments, stink, and are shaped very oddly. The same goes for humans. Like attracts like. That’s cool! Pretty can be boring! These days, men and women marry “pretty” for status but lust after ugly. I’m pretty sure that’s what Zoosk is about.

One thing seems to stick though. After the to and fro, bee buzzing around the flower, the bee decides to go to one flower, to go in and focus instead of staying outside and buzzing around. The flower doesn’t chase the bee. The flower just IS who she is and draws or attracts the insects to her. The flowers are the females and the men the insects. However, the paradigm can shift where the male will pose as the flower (a queen) to attract weak, female insects to buzz around him. Nature does the homosexual thing too sometimes but infrequently.

If you’re straight, want to mate and reproduce naturally, women, don’t chase; attract by being fully, naturally who you are. Your vibe of loving yourself or whatever your vibe is will attract that kind of man to you. If you’re confused about why you attract certain types, look in the mirror at your character, how you feel and act, what you like or don’t like about yourself. Then that all comes to the surface in your looks and body. You can’t cover your vibe with a fake smile, makeup, hair, and clothes. Be yourself.

I’ve been attracting strong, cut, fit, confident men who are a bit braggy but just above average intelligence because I’m cultivating those traits in myself. Twenty years ago I was attracting autistic, over the top, brilliant rebellious, anti-social men because I was sitting in my traits that are the same. I’ve had enough of that and they both died of bad health from stress on this planet that is absolutely intolerant of brilliance. We live in a society where mediocre to low intelligence and talent makes everyone feel comfy. So people that are very smart can’t talk a lot or we’re attacked. We can write though. Not that anyone will read it, but who knows. I’m just being myself too.

Keep in mind that like trees, flowers have roots but they don’t really stand still. They are not passive. They keep changing shape, moving, the roots communicate to one another and they migrate as seeds, tubers, or corms. It’s just that when they’re above ground socializing with the insects of the air, it appears differently. Nevertheless, they never chase. The bees chase and then move on to the next flower.

Hopefully, we’re past insect and flower stage but it’s obvious that some of that flirting and hooking-up are still around. I hate it. In that way, humans have moved up the food chain like other animals who do mate for long periods of time or for life. Many animal groups do that, thankfully.

To be more clear on how you present on the dating scene a man could ask, “Am I like an…”

1. insect

2. bird

3. Mammal

4. Human

5. Alien mutant or

6. Lightworker lover

Women;

1. Flower

2. Tree

3. Bird

4. Mammal

5. Human

6. Alien mutant

7. Lightworker lover

Then date someone on your level.

Women Can Be Loving with Sexual Energy But Only if It’s Reciprocated


zooskToday the rubber meets the road and as I was working out, Spirit got to me. Some say God or Source. I pride myself on listening for spiritual guidance so that I’m always in my power and integrity so that’s what some of this information is. If it’s not true for you, just leave it be.

My intuition was very strongly scoping out my body this morning which it’s been doing lately. I sensed that most of the time women take energy from the man in the form of seed (sperm) or money but I don’t think we love as often as we could. Of course, we have our own money but women that marry a man do so mostly for his sperm so she can have their child (pure love) and his money (to support that pure love). In that, he is viewed as successful but men shouldn’t have to be defined just by that just as women aren’t. It’s rarely really loving. I say this from talking to many women who rarely express love for their man the way they do their children. Many women withhold their heart love from sex because the man doesn’t stimulate it with human intimacy. I’m not sure women are aware of it but I know I’ve done it because I resent that men don’t love from heart energy. I think that’s why in my 20’s I kept falling in love with gay men. Straight men don’t love the same way women do! It’s not their fault that they’re more simple. They love from first chakra or just sexual energy, their stomach, and from their minds. (Chakras 7, 3, and 1 or mind, power and food and sex) Women are more centered in chakras 6, 5, 4, and 2 or intuition, speaking and communicating, heart love and feelings. Gay men are too.

Tree with intuitive human

The sacral chakra or chakra two is right below the navel. This is the emotions center, conception, and THE center of creation and love on the planet in the woman’s body. Men don’t have the same energy in chakra 2. Being a woman, I know I cover my belly, hold in my procreative energy and sexual energy there for myself because society doesn’t give me any. I don’t release it during sex unless I’m feeling particularly empowered from within and feel that the man I’m with deserves it because he loves me.

On this planet, it takes a phenomenal amount of energy for a woman to love herself by herself. We’re not taught by any institution or any part of society to love ourselves alone. Women that are internally strong are called witches, freaks, or weird. My patient called me weird yesterday when I told her I was very intuitive. Good ole’ Grand Rapids. That would be me and I’m none of those things. As Lady Gaga says, “I was born this way”.

My oldest sister has always called me a freak though but she’s jealous because she’s more normal than she’d like. Hey, if you’re not willing to do the work and willing to pay the price of being exceptional in a mediocre driven society, I’m sorry.  Hardly any women love themselves from within because you’ll be a social outcast. I’m just being the way I was born to be and I refuse to adjust. It’s not like I’m rich from being this way but I sure need to make more than I do.

Well, my male friend from another state is most definitely in touch with me and was not crazy about me being on Zoosk at all. I don’t know why yet. I wasn’t crazy about his harems and extreme flirtations with women either so I set the boundaries. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. The truth is, now that I’m 56 if a man my age still prides himself on the number of women he can f* and needs that, I don’t care. It’s just defecation to him, it’s troll behavior and hurting him more than me not to love a woman or accept it from her. I love at all times.

I’m not sure what he’s up to or why he wants t talk to me. People have said they feel comfortable being themselves around me; not fake. That’s because I tell the truth which seems to be lost in the world of men no matter where you find them or what level of character they are.

 

With No Contact, The Attraction Wears Off


zooskI believe studies have shown this about women. The initial hormone high of attraction falls away if there is no contact, no talking (hearing his voice), you don’t see him and you receive no communication. That has been the case here. Because I’m intuitive, that has all kicked in very strong and I recommend following your intuition to women when it comes to these situations. Reason being, your body, and brain send certain signals based on ancestral DNA and successful reproduction in terms of sexual attraction and your soul intuition sends another. It’s unfortunate that the two are not always on the same track but I can tell you they are not.

I texted him and left one call regarding my Zoosk account getting hacked and being paused. I have heard nothing back. If a man isn’t as active on the account after he meets you, that’s a sign that he’s focused on you, but he was back on and not contacting me directly. Then I assume he was out in the alley again but I don’t know for sure. Ok! I wasn’t. I was watching him. What I know about men is, if they have not had sex with you and they don’t think they’re going to have sex with you in the immediate future, they have absolutely no motivation for communicating with you past the first date. 

 

There is no way two people can value each other as human beings after only one date or even a couple dates! That means women, that even if you wait for a couple dates to have sex with him, there is no way you’re setting a tone for a relationship, love, or bonding to happen and he will continue to be an alley dog, learning nothing, and finding any b…. he fancies online who will give it to him quickly. That is men’s nature. They are not to be judged for that. I’m making the point that if you want something different and he seems like a man to reproduce with or love, you cannot have sex with him right away. He needs self-discipline, not indulgence. If he shows no interest then and moves on, just because you wouldn’t have sex, he was not your reproduction type anyway. And usually, a man will say up front that he IS looking for a relationship which could mean several things. Mostly, he may want children and a home. Men want that too. Just know that he will be a softer, more domesticated type and not as virile.

My situation is somewhat different because I’m not looking for a man to reproduce with. However, it’s the same in that I only want bonded sex, not alley sex. I need love with a man to be turned on and that is absolutely how I’m wired. I’m monogamous and want a lover but I don’t like marriage. I know who I already love and who I want to share myself with for the second half of my life; my twin flame. But he’s not communicating with me very much or at least he’s not initiating at the moment and lives 1800 miles away. For me, it’s a matter of being patient because I know what’s going on with him. What I can tell you is that he is very strong in my psychic, etheric space and that really counts with Twin Flames. So why am I on Zoosk? I’m testing myself and the energy. I also want to hang out and date to be social. I like men.

man and woman talkingAnother thing about women is our sexual interest has everything to do with a man’s voice and how he talks to us. It just is. This is huge for men to accept if any of you are reading this. Maybe women are different on this but I don’t think so. I think all women are very strongly affected by the tone of voice and sincerity of voice from a man. We can tell when you’re lying which is most of the time. If you are an honest man and tell the truth, that is very sexy and very impressive. Just don’t say, “Yeah, I think you ARE fat! And by the way, your ass is big!” lolololol. My male friend in another state who I text and talk with said to me, “We lie because it works!” I said, “No it doesn’t! We can always tell and then you come down a few notches to us and have less chance of sex with us.” He must be referring to lying working on women that aren’t too bright. Don’t get me started on that.

It’s a good thing I really love my single life and have made a life for myself. Dealing with men is really so much gaming and brain mush. My Zoosk fellow is still up north for the week working. The weather in Michigan has been “stay off the roads!”. He told me he would be gone for a week after our first date. Maybe when he’s done with his project he’ll contact me. I honestly don’t care that much and have no emotion invested in him because he’s not talking to me. Men are unpredictable. I still think he’s super cute but we’ll have to have a second date and see how the vibe is since he wouldn’t talk to me all week. And maybe I’m not that interested now. I’m unpredictable too. This is the dance we do. Just don’t chase him, women! Let him come to you. Again, think of a dog and how you’d deal with one. My son’s father is the one that made me accept that visual. I would never suggest that about men but that’s because I’m idealistic. Now that I’m middle-aged I’m realistic.

 

The Attraction Has Set In


 

zooskTwo days after our date, on Sunday, the attraction and longing set in for both of us, at the same time. This is very common I know. I’ve been physically and emotionally attracted to a few men, not a bunch. It’s still this amazing mind trance. I worked really hard to observe myself this time and noticed that it’s no different than when I was sixteen and super attracted to my first boyfriend. What has changed over the years is “my type”.

I’ve also noted that who I rationally think I’m attracted to based on upbringing or social bias that I’m not completely conscious of is not who I end up being smitten by. This fella is white again. I have a definite bias against my own culture as you may see from my posts on here. In my value system, I adore the black culture, values, and its communities and arts and also find Hispanic men to be super foxy and value the same thing there. My last lover was a black man and I enjoyed his company very much. He went into the Marines.

But now, here I am, very turned on by a fiery, strong, smart, nice white man. I honestly would not have guessed. It feels like my body is doing it and as you know, I follow my body. So that caught me off guard. What we have happening now is “out of sight, out of mind” on his part, it seems. I could be wrong.

We both wanted to see each other last night; second date. I could not sleep and texted him, “I can’t sleep.” and he asked why. I did not say because I want you. I said, “I’m not sure.” We got into a chat and then he said, “Come to my house up here,” so he said it first! I said, “I want to.” But we both had to work the next day and it was too late at night and he was away up north some miles. Still, mutual desire and longing were confirmed. When I said, “No, I can wait. I have to work tomorrow and it’s late,” it went silent and I have not heard from him no matter what I say in a text. I call that the male drama. He’s suffering? Or…he’s back on Zoosk looking for temporary solace with someone else? He “has” to see me. Ok-what is THAT? Guys get like that. Women don’t. I don’t! I’m not emotionally needy of a man. I just feel his PULL SO strong and want to give him what he needs which is my body and physical presence because it makes me feel better too.

It reminds me of my son when he was little and he’d have to be ON MY BODY while I was talking on the phone. As a  mother, it made me feel better to let him. It feels like it’s pulling from my soul like we already know each other. I can put a stop to it though now that I’m older. The men pulling on us is really something! We usually give in because we know you need our energy. It’s when you start to get demanding or take it for granted that makes me irate. I haven’t felt that toward a man in a long while and I won’t again.

I’ve got this figured out about guys. They need the physical merge to seal the deal, to prove the haps, to make their feelings known, to circle their wagons, to make sure you know they dig you and so you can prove you dig them by giving them your sexual energy, as a woman. I absolutely know this. It is NOT the case for us as women. Nothing physical seals anything for us except maybe a ring, as Beyonce says. I hate this video. hahaha. Rings are fine for women who are reproducing.

Our radar or guydar, our inner voice, our male GPS says, “Go THIS way,” very strong and then we go. LOL. Our feelings seal the deal for us. And then our feelings turn into heart knowing and that turns into rational assessment so we are analyzing the whole deal from the beginning with men because we VERY strongly know which of you males we want to share our sexual energy with and who we do not. You need to respect this aspect of women. Most of us if not all of us are this way and usually we can’t explain it.

The mysterious thing for us is how certain men can steer us to them and “want us” and certain men are SO easy to ignore even though they pull on us. It must be their eyes and pheromones. With that, sure enough, he resembles my son’s father who I successfully reproduced with. He was Scottish-English and he died in 2015. But there might be something in my DNA, thus my brain that told me, “Go to him.” And now I totally want to go to him and likely I will. He’s not like my ex at all in terms of personality but there is something overwhelmingly familiar about him and super attractive. We’ll see.

Maybe what we receive from males is the opportunity to give our love, which we have so much of, to someone that truly needs it and wants it. Women really do have a lot to give and most of us need to love someone or something but that needs to include ourselves. It seems like they are the object of our attention (not women) and we’re the subject of everything.

I had a Zoosk Date


 

zoosk

I guess I’ll just see how many people read this to see if I should continue. I could even add my psychic impressions although that’s pretty personal for the other person.

It’s Saturday night and I’ve already gotten 49 views and messages combined on Zoosk that I don’t want because I already met someone I like. I’m proving that there are dating and libido after 50. I’m 55. That’s sunk in now. I’ve finally got it figured out that most of the men are waiting for the woman to show a real interest in them. She needs to perk up and show some sincere “something” or they won’t really chat you up. However, my fella did! Yes, I found someone I like after looking through hundreds of pics and reading profiles. It’s exhausting. No, no, no, no, no, as you click through. Cute, but no. Nice, but no. Hmmm, sexy, but no. Confident!, but no.

Luckily, I didn’t have to figure that out or act on it today because YESTERDAY, a really hot guy with fire in his eyes chatted me up and initiated. OMG. So, there again, I really noted it in my brain how his face made me feel. I was very attracted to his strength with a big heart that I could see in his eyes, and…a bit of grief. None of the other men had that in their eyes the way he did. They had other things in their eyes but nothing I was very interested in. Women understand. Even if a man is very fit, handsome, blah, blah, blah, he has to have that something that a woman can’t put their finger on that makes us sit up and say, “Who is he? Oh my.” And then, I couldn’t stop staring at his face. THEN, he was very emotionally brave, again that’s so hot, and said he wanted to get together and meet me tonight, had time, where did I want to go, and complimented the bejeebers out of me. Again, so hot. For all I know he’s acting. I hear guys do that. Well, he had it down.

I’m a little like a guy in that I don’t like talking or talking about myself, I’m not a typical girl that just speaks right up about what she wants and gets assertive. I’m not bitchy either. When I’m with a man I want him to lead because in every other aspect of my life I’m in charge, the opposite of fertile women who are paying the piper. I’m paid up.

I’m very soft. I am assertive in my own life on behalf of things that affect me. But chasing a guy? No way no how. I have no clue what to say to a guy. I’m realizing that could have hung me up all these years. I never wanted to chase a guy because I’ve never wanted to be married. Not at all. Is my Twin Flame in the back of my mind at this point? Yes. He’s always there and not talking to me. My intuition tells me he’s seeing someone else too. It’s like I don’t exist. So…I’m dating also. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose.

Well, he took care of that and initiated. Thank God! He was confident too and had his own business just like me. We met at a hip joint for a drink, it was very cool, close to my house and was a blast. When he saw me in the window from outside he sort of jumped and came right in and we had a big hug. We are about the same height but he is very trim and fit and younger than me. Still, I think all that was good. I felt like I knew him already. That’s a good sign. We talked and laughed, asked each other questions for two hours and then he had to go. He was headed up north to work on the house he’s building on 40 acres. We had another big hug goodnight and then I texted and thanked him for buying me a drink and he said he really enjoyed himself. We laughed really hard together. It was a riot. I think I may hear from him but who knows. Of course, being a brainwashed girl by our society the first thing I think is, “Maybe I’m too fat for him.” Every girl thinks that when she meets a guy. It’s nauseating. I actually really like my body now for the first time in a long time so I sort of doubt that.

The girl at the hostess stand came up to me after my date left and says, “Sooooo, how’d it go?” Girls do that with each other even if we’re strangers. lol. I said, “You saw how cute he was and how much we were laughing!” “Good job.” Oh my god. I actually had a date. I have no idea about the future nor am I worried. Que Cera, Cera. There are many fish in the sea and I’m fishing, even if I throw them back in. Yeah for me.

10 Reasons It’s Hard For Smart Women To Find Love


Finding love is not an easy feat for anyone. If you are a woman who is of a higher intellect, chances are you have had an even harder time finding a fulfilling relationship. Society tends to think less of a woman who is single as if there is something inherently wrong with them. This is definitely not the case. Below are 10 reasons why it can be harder for smart women to find love.

1. They aren’t afraid to be by themselves.

Smart women know what they want and aren’t willing to settle for anything less. They know the importance of staying true to themselves and they also realize that sacrificing their needs for the sake of love with the wrong person will only cause resentment in the long run. They do not have to settle out of fear of being alone, or fear of social implications by others’ who do not understand a woman’s ability to be by herself and be happy.

2. They know what they want.

Every woman has a mental “checklist” of what they are looking for in a significant other. A smart woman’s checklist tends to be either longer or more specific than those who want a significant other, just to have a significant other. They know themselves and in turn, know what type of person they can and can’t be with.

3. They don’t need another person to facilitate their lifestyle.

The past portrays that women needed to go straight from their father’s house to their husband’s. In the modern world women no longer need another person to help them live on their own; they may have realized they prefer that alone time. Therefore, knowing that they will eventually have to share that space can be scary for an independent woman.

4. They have other commitments that take priority over dating.

Careers, friendships, family, extra-curricular pursuits, whatever it is that she has going on may not allow for as much time to date as it takes to find the right mate.

5. They are hyper-aware that relationships end and can let their knowledge of the past affect their future potential relationships.

They have a harder time “living in the moment” and do not want to waste their time; as time truly is a valuable asset to a smart woman. They need to know that there is a future and that their potential mate is on the same page.  Marriages, kids, finances, etc.

6. They know that attraction is only half the battle.

Physical attraction is an important aspect of finding love, but smart women understand that attraction is fleeting and can be altered once you see what is underneath.  While a woman’s hormones tend to make the first step towards finding love, smart women understand that it is the intimacy developed (and maintained) by both people that dictate whether or not a relationship can last.

7. They can be intimidating.

When a woman is intelligent she isn’t afraid to stand up and say what she thinks. This is a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow. Whether it’s because they don’t know how to react, or if it’s because they don’t feel they can live up to her expectations; either way, it can be somewhat intimidating for potential lovers and even friends.

8. They understand Change.

They don’t pretend that they, and their partners, will be the same person years down the road. They want to grow and they have ambitions for their futures that will change who they are, and ultimately, what they want. Knowing this makes it harder for a woman to commit to a partner for a long period of time.

9. They have a vast understanding of modern dating practices and don’t necessarily like, nor agree, with them.

Dating is no longer a means of survival for women. As stated before, since we no longer need to be passed from father to husband as well as we have the capability to live alone – dating is truly meant to find a companion whom you love and want to share your life, interests, and future with.

10. They know not to trust their hearts with just anyone.

This reason is the culmination of all of the ways it is harder for smart women to find love. Deciding whether someone is worthy of an intelligent woman’s heart is not an easy task and we do not take it lightly. Intelligent women have to weigh the pro’s and con’s and decide if the risk of loving another person is worth the devastation that can occur if it doesn’t work out.

Woman’s Intuition


I don’t know if living with a male ages a woman or not living with a male ages a woman.  It depends right?  I’m not suggesting that men don’t have intuition.  My empirical observation is that women are just more experienced with intuition and more accepting of it than men are.  It’s more of a fact of nature to me than anything.  Maybe we’ve evolved the trait over time. Nevertheless, my radar was on last night.

I had a date last night for the first time in a year; with a man.  The synchronicity about it was, the same day, I had been contacted by the fellow I had last dated ten months ago and had been fairly traumatized by actually. That’s a long story and I don’t think that there is ever one person responsible for the trouble in a relationship, but I have more scruples than he does; for sure. His call was trying to create a pretext for seeing me again by pretending he cared about my book when I didn’t even ask him for help (he’s an editor). The short of it is, I called him out on the emotional mess he left of “he and I” and told him “bon voyage” even though he doesn’t really have the guts to move out west by himself as he said he would back in October, which he used as an earlier excuse not to see me anymore. Or maybe, since today is his birthday, he thought I would be schmuck enough to make him a birthday pie as I did last year.  Not a chance in hell buddy.

I’m not sure if my scruples are a problem or not when I have a lover. I feel like it makes me “unbedable” in a way because I value love. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination.  I just like love and bonding, not hookups and this last fellow was the one responsible for taking it too fast. He was like a wild monkey. That would be hot if he also cared about me but because he didn’t, he pissed me off. I’m an intelligent human being with a heart and mind not a chimp in the jungle. Sex alone does nothing for me.  I digress. He’s done for.

Back to my current date…Maybe I’m somewhat old-fashioned, but telling the truth would be good for starters. His profile said that he was 50 years old. Since we were in a Chinese restaurant looking at the placemat with Chinese animals per year of birth, I asked him what year he was born. The answer, “1961”.  The dude was 56. I need to date a younger man, like 45-54 because of my attitude and look.  Two doctors in the last two months said they thought I was forty so I’m not in denial like some women, and I take care of myself and don’t smoke or drink too much. Both of those ages a person.

He kept projecting all of these character defects onto me on our first date.  It was truly repulsive. Harvey Weinstein’s face kept flashing in front of me.  I told him the Kung Pao Shrimp was very salty to my taste but the flavor was good. When I didn’t tell the waiter that but said it was fine because I don’t care if the waiter knows or not, he chided me, “You need to tell the truth!” Really dude?  Who was your last woman?  A criminal?

I don’t eat much salt and Chinese restaurants are notorious for salt so it’s not like the restaurant did anything out of character. I’m not going to bother with it. But the first thing out of his mouth was remembering how proud I was of my work when he offloaded regarding his body to me in a previous phone call. Boy did that piss him off. Apparently, it pissed me off that he decided to go get a spa massage after I spent a half hour listening to and talking to him about his back and how my manual therapy work could help him. He wasted my time. The conversation ended with him saying, “I’ll just go see a massage therapist.” I’d forgotten about it until last night, so apparently, the purpose of the date was for him to throw his resentment and offload to my face.  Then he very proudly asked the waiter to split the bill. It was abusive.

So here we are in 2017, where a kindly, very intelligent very skilled, cute single woman is being herself, namely me, and a guy who has been divorced by the mother of his three children who has obviously failed miserably in some arena is going to take it out on his dates instead of fixing his mess. I posted this before, but there is something emotionally wrong with guys. I think he’s going to die old and alone because of his ego. He can think he’s a catch, and he said as much, but by his behavior, is anything BUT a catch. Talk is cheap guys. Deeds over words. We hardly spent any time together and he was a major jerk.

Mind you, his online profile was sparkling. My intuition told me to stand him up just from the tone of his texts. I didn’t think he would show up. So, I let him show up first, he texted me he wanted me to come, so I went. I should have listened to my intuition.  He was a class A jerk, but cute.  I don’t care about cute when the heart is cold. A cold heart is a misogynist and I suggest you get your heart healed and fix your behavior before you date a woman who is not a hookup. Oh, and he would have rather we met in a bar but didn’t say that beforehand.  Spare me.

Ready To Rumble For Bonding


 

femalewarrior

 

Fight.  I’m ready to rumble for bonding.

So…no phone or text and no e-mail.

E-mail?  How am I going to get my edits?…and I went through editing withdrawal.

Do you know what that’s like as a writer?  I thought my head would explode.

I’m going over there…To the HOUSE.

He says, “I can’t believe you came over here.”

I was cut off!  I had no communication choice to get my work done.

He was happy to see me!  Came close to me, right into my personal space.

He cleared a chair off for me quickly, searched and found out it was his cut off to usurp my threatened cut off when the edits were done, but not before.  He goofed up.  No apology.

He sent it, I didn’t receive it.

I started this with my boundaries and he was getting his back.

Guess what I’m going to do next?

I’m going to seriously date someone else I like.

I…am…NOT…doing hook-ups and booty calls

For the last half of my life as an adult!

I have the energy for this.

Ready to rumble for bonding.

Mind you, the energy of my body will be as receptive as a duckling

But my mind will be a steel trap.