Essay; Marriage is Prison for Some Women


 

woman in prisonOne of the main comments I’ve heard from women patients in my office is, “I want to be alone, not married. I wish I was free and single like you.” Many women feel like prisoners in their marriage and their physical ailments and stress level are consequently very high.

I bet many married men say it to single guy friends too, but I wonder. I’ve heard men benefit far more from marriage than women do and suffer more in divorce.  Most women thrive after divorce.

What are we looking at here?

Marriage is an institution where you’re seeking the sanction of church or state with a license and/or a ceremony but what are your true motivations for doing it?  Maybe the institutions function like an agricultural stockade where animals are inspected, traded and sold. You’ve heard of animal husbandry. Well, when a woman gets married her mate is called her husband which makes her a reproductive animal in society’s view. So maybe marriage is primarily suited for only young women in their reproductive years who want to have children. And many young women who get married don’t necessarily want children. Then maybe they shouldn’t get married.

I think it’s time to retire these outmoded ideas regarding a woman’s relationship with her mate. Marriage isn’t always necessary. Balance of power between a woman and man needs to be discussed and kissed about.  We can be monogamous with each other because we want to be, not because somebody said we should. It’s nobody’s business but the couple and is becoming outdated due to woman’s empowerment. It’s a good thing.

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Essay; Men Have Feelings During Sex


stock-footage-alone-man-standing-on-the-seashore

WHAT?  Seriously?

I read this article two days ago because I’m trying to figure something out.

Sex Reveals His True Feelings

My jaw was dropping open as I read it.  I’m not sure I believe it but it is from “The Huffington Post” and the fellow sounded sincere.  Then I discussed it with some women. They concur they do believe men have actual “feelings” about their woman’s body that can be poetic, dramatic, and deep. The women don’t understand it or necessarily believe it either, but they do believe men have feelings too. But during sex? Because of our bodies?

My mind is blown. No man I’ve ever been with has expressed himself in a poetic way to me about my body. I’m not saying they haven’t conjectured it or that I’m not hot enough to have been with hot guys. I have! But they have not expressed themselves to me about how they feel about these things. Why? I’ve gotten compliments about certain parts and of course the lusty chasing after me and wanting intimacy which a woman assumes means, the man is into her.

We call some of this lustiness from men objectification of women. It’s not really fair, is it?  If we’re straight, we love a man to love us. We need a man to take care of business. But why is feeling emotional and lusting after a woman’s body objectification when it’s nature? The men probably call it art…or love, or passion. If they do not feel passionate about a woman’s body, then what? Maybe they are gay or just not that into her, or have a different kind of brain that changes their libido…like high functioning autistic men.

It’s called objectification if the guy doesn’t care what you think or how you feel. I care more about how a man thinks and feels (and acts) than how he looks or his money. In fact, his mind is what absolutely turns me on, far more than his body. I don’t know how many women are like me. His tone of voice and the timbre of his voice is the other turn on. I do believe most women are like that regarding a man’s voice. I think our brains are helping us pick the right man to be the father of our children when we’re young. After fifty that all changes. But continuing on about men’s feelings.

The author writes, “When a man is having sex, there’s a rush of emotions. When he sees a beautiful woman underneath him or a beautiful woman on top of him, he gets lost in his sensations.”

WHAT?

I didn’t get the memo.  I really didn’t.

He goes on to say, “Most of the time, the minute he’s released he realizes what he’s said. Then he thinks, “Oh my god, what did I say? I can’t believe I said all those things. I don’t really feel those things. I can’t believe I told her how much I love her, and how much I want to be with her!”

WHAT?  Now, your fellow didn’t actually say this, but his “way” and his thoughts did, is what this author is saying. Well, how about that. I am certainly in a dark forest here guys. I wonder how many other women are?

The author finally says, “Our real feelings come out after the sex. I want you to remember that. I’d like you to pass along this blog to every single woman you know out there. Call it ‘dating insurance’. Make sure he has feelings for you after sex — before you commit your heart

WHAT?

I mean…where does it end?  Is this guy high or is this true to the men out there? The mystery of it all.

 

Re-Program; Prejudice Toward Fat People


I have been a clinical massage therapist for 11 years.   I have worked on thousands of bodies, all body types, male and female.  I had one young female patient ask me once, “Do you ever hate someone’s body?”  Wow.  “No”.  That would be a bit incongruous with being a healer, don’t you think?  Yet, Dr. David Katz, M.D., a fairly well-read and popular doctor, wrote this great article for Huffington Post on obesity bias in healthcare.  Please read it before you go on.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-katz-md/obesity-bias_b_3193410.html

He doesn’t support obesity bias either and is calling for an end to it.  I don’t think he delves quite far enough though.  He cites the surveys that have been done in the healthcare profession that show that a good percentage of professionals feel revulsion, disgust, prejudice, bias, and emotional disgust when dealing with fat patients.  They have an emotional response toward large amounts of adipose tissue.  Even people who are fairly large themselves will express revulsion at those with even more adipose tissue than them, feeling that they are superior because “at least they’re not THAT fat!”  Everyone says, “But come ON!  It’s SO unhealthy!!!!” Practitioners in holistic health think that a thin vegetarian might live forever whereas a carnivorous fat person will probably die at 55.  It doesn’t matter whether you’re happy or not?  Frankly, I see clinical studies going both ways.  I dated a fellow who is built large, but he was fit.  He had lost a lot of weight too quickly and suffered for it.  The doctor couldn’t re-align his internal organs for him so he was in pain.  I’m on the scientific fence on this issue.  I think it’s healthier to be happy than to be a people pleaser for superficial reasons. Yo-Yo dieting and intolerance of yourself and others is more unhealthy.  Casting yourself into an elite, “beautiful people group” and exercising 2 hours a day, 5 days a week and dissing others is supremely unhealthy in a myriad of ways…and not cool.  Some big people work out 5 days a week and are still big!

Diabetes is unhealthy.  So is having cancer.  So is having 3rd degree burns all over your body.  But you don’t hear people emotionally exclaim, with disgust, “Your 3rd degree burns repulse me.  Get away from me.”  “Your cancer repulses me.  That’s it.  You’re going to be punished!  We are going to pay you less.  What’s the problem?  We are going to call you names.  We don’t want you to work here.  We are going to laugh at you.  We are going to kick you off the airplane because you have something “different” going on in your body than I do.”  Yes, people have a fear of being around the vibes of illness, especially cancer.  But they don’t have a judgmental bias toward sick people.  For the most part, they have compassion and are supportive.  Yet you continue to hear the social cover-up that belies hypocrisy to obesity, “But it so unhealthy!”  You know there is something deeper going on than a health issue.  What’s going on is BODY TYPE INTOLERANCE.  The person judging needs others to look like them.  That’s messed up.  And it’s very weak.  It’s even vampirism.

You don’t hear people say, “Your pancreatitis repulses me. Get away from me”. Acceptable disease bias does not routinely exist.  But excess adipose tissue gets this special place on the rung of “body alignments” that serves as a social whipping post for thin people or even people who just have body/eating disorders.

It’s social intolerance!~  It’s Projection 101 from the person that has a bad self-body image. If you stigmatize or have emotional (intolerance) about obesity, frankly, you have a body image problem of your own and you really need to admit it to yourself and leave everyone else alone.  Talk to someone who you can trust.  Get some help. You likely have an eating disorder no matter what your body size.  It’s not just very thin people who have eating disorders.  You don’t like yourself no matter what size you are.  What addiction are you indulging in to cope with your self-loathing?  It’s an epidemic.  And it’s socially sanctioned.

It manifests socially as Xenophobia-not liking people who look different from you because you are so insecure.  That’s as old as the hills.  It’s what starts wars.  It’s the cause of divorce.  It’s the way criminals and predators are.  They feel like victims, so they victimize others.  It’s also a symptom of the scarcity model that underpins Capitalism.  Capitalism thrives on the economic caste system.  God Bless America.

Personally, I have been all body sizes.  When I was a teenager (18-19) I was a size 9 and weighed 135.  I was not happy for other reasons.  When I was in my 20’s I was a size 12.  I was not happy for other reasons.  After I had my baby at 36, I was at 170 and was a size 14-16.  I was happy because I had my baby.  And I loved having a cushy, mama marshmallow body. Then, in my very bad, stressful marriage where I was attacked verbally and emotionally and had to defend myself all the time, I got up to size 24.  I’ve been divorced for nine years and now I’m back down to a size 14 and going down and settling down, and dealing with the kind of sensitive person I am.  Because I want to bounce around for the next fifty years and to save my joints, I’m working out every day and eating healthy.  But I feel good no matter what and I get A’s on my yearly physical.

My point is, at all times, I kept moving forward, had sex, was told I was gorgeous, had men pawing on me, and succeeded at whatever I wanted to.  It was not due to the size I was.  It was due to the fact that I am the Queen of my body and my mind and I think I’m hot stuff.  I see how everyone has a “hot side”.  I love all people.  I support every woman and man to feel the same way about themselves.  I felt comfy sitting in my marshmallow padding getting very intellectual in college and graduating magna cum laude.  That’s what I wanted!  I didn’t WANT to be small and bouncy.  My plush body served my purposes then.  And it serves my purposes now at size 18.  When you look at cushy people, know that it’s serving their life purposes right now or they’d be different.

People have the right to have the size body they need at the time, when they need it, for their own personal reasons.  When they want to change it THEY WILL, for their own reasons!  Or, if they don’t want to, THEY WON’T, for their own reasons.  You do not have the right to project your self-loathing and judgment, and teasing onto them, then justify it by saying, “But it’s SO unhealthy!”  They won’t be changing themselves TO PLEASE YOU, WHO ARE UNCOMFORTABLE with yourself no matter what size you are!

This culture needs to stop scapegoating fat people, start loving themselves and taking care of themselves at ALL stages in their body. The health and happiness of your body are in your hands.  It’s not in your spouse’s hands, your doctor’s hands, your kids hands, your parent’s hands, or the pastor’s hands.  What you feel in your body is what matters most.  It’s your body!

Everyone is different.  Everyone has a story.  Everyone has different needs.  Be cool.

Body Truth


Rumi Water

You are there. I am here. It’s the beginning of all relating…the body…the eyes, the voice.

There would be no institutions, no schools, no communities, no families if people weren’t merging the body first on some level or all levels.

The Body starts everything.  It’s the alpha, the prime mover, the core initiator, the foundation for all communication.

From that follows your tablet, your iPhone, houses, communities, networks, etc.  There would be nothing on Earth without bodies.  Mountain bodies, squirrel bodies, bird bodies, soil body.  BODY is the foundation for all Life and all Mind.  All ideas, all money, all organization flows from the fount of Body.

What if we were all, all of a sudden invisible and had no body?  What if everything on Earth was invisible in the same way? What if all of a sudden, everything was just PURE MIND? and we could hear each other speak or feel each other’s vibe but we couldn’t see each other because none of us had a body? What if we were so Mindal that we LOST our bodies because we forgot how to vibrate in our body so that they could be seen?

What if our world was just full of disembodied Minds wandering around?

The Body is Sacred.

It’s everything we have and are on Earth.

It’s how life evolves.

It’s our tool for communication of our Mind and Heart.  There would be no relationships with animals, the Earth, or other people without THE BODY you have. Your Body is Your Source and your magnet holding you here.  It’s important to tune it to the right channel to receive the information you need.  Your parents channeled you into the body but they are not your Source.  They just had the codes to unlock the physical door (the DNA).

Your Body comes first.

If you don’t have your body or like your body, or inhabit your body, you are poor and ignorant.  It doesn’t matter how much money or formal education you have if you don’t inhabit or like your body or use your body to express yourself.  You can be manipulated, controlled, and people can suck off of you unless you sit in your Body Power which is your Mind Power. What you see in front of you, in another person, is a PERFECT expression of WHERE their MIND is RIGHT NOW.  They are on a journey in a Body.  But your interpretation of the meaning of their body is just your interpretation.  Honor that person, that body in front of you as an expression of how they feel, how they relate, what they think.

There is no ONE WAY each body is supposed to be.  Diversity is necessary for all life. Who you are in your body, at this very moment, reflects your Mind exactly.  We’re all in the same boat.