Heartset; “I love you”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is “I want to consume you like a delicious brownie.” But in truth, they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for and want a piece of it. It’s delicious! It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to be with you in person. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction to self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring and loving because they love and care for themselves and have forgiven those that have hurt them because the people who did that don’t love themselves. Welcome to Earth.

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Heartset; Addiction as a Shield


 

 

My drug of choice was sugar (top right), particularly cheesecake. Anything can actually be a drug of choice which is your “go-to” when you don’t feel you can deal with the emotions of a bad situation or a toxic vampiric relationship sucking the life force from you or traumatic memories because you don’t know how to put up boundaries or kick the memories in the huevos. People are addicted to all kinds of things, even working out! For instance, no one needs to work out two hours a day, seven days a week and that is extremely unhealthy. The body won’t tolerate it. Sometimes a way out takes some thought and planning and if you’re in survival mode, who has time for thought and planning? Well, that’s what we tell ourselves. Sometimes we say, “I’ll plan it out tomorrow,” and tomorrow means never. Do it now.

Now that I’m on the wagon and eating very healthy, dealing with my feelings, setting boundaries and exercising, I can see how ironic the addiction shield is. In my case, my fat layers were my shield but they didn’t work. I still had men hitting on me. It’s SUCH a myth that men are only attracted to thin women. HUGE freaking lie. It didn’t work and I felt horrible. My husband and then men after him, after my divorce, still wanted my sexual energy and liked me fat layers and all. I must put out an energy I’m not fully aware of yet but I don’t intend to. I am who I am! I have to figure it out.

All of the other addictive substances and activities not done in moderation will hurt your health as well and we know them. So, who needs a shield against an enemy, which could be mate, family, bad job, boss, the IRS, you name it when you’re busy destroying yourself on the other side of the shield??

That is the irony. Most addicts feel like they’re empowering themselves by rebelling, defiantly smoking the cigarette or dab pen 6-10 times a day or anything else. You’re defying yourself! You’re hurting yourself behind the shield you’ve put up supposedly so others can’t get to you. Instead, YOU can’t get to you. It makes no sense and no one cares really if you want to destroy yourself of not. That’s the awful truth of our world. You do have to be your own best friend and it still continues to amaze me how much more I’m ignored the better I do on my own. That’s another irony. I think it’s the pity and rescuing thing. People who need to rescue themselves are addicted to rescuing others and pitying them. If you don’t fit that description, you are not useful to them.

If you really want to resist and be defiant against the machine (family, marriage, church, and state), LOVE YOURSELF, figure out how to make yourself happy, get so hot and so fit that everyone who said they loved you before find themselves deliciously jealous, hating you, trying to cut you down, and not talking to you anymore. You’re too good for them now. No, not really, but they are so down on themselves and you’re not that they have to project that out to stay in denial about their own power to change or willingness to exert themselves to achieve it.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to improve yourself, in fact, the opposite. Live alone and organize your money so that you can support yourself and pay your bills. Think it through. Have fun with your kids and don’t talk to people that suck who everyone else thinks rock out. That is non-compliant. You don’t need the shield of defense anymore in the form of addiction because you’re right out in front, asserting yourself and picking your battles and hopefully, winning a few. Win the battles with YOURSELF, put that shield down and go after the kind of body and life you want, one day at a time.

Prose; “I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

Heartset; “I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

Heartset; Maybe Humans Crave Certain Feelings, not Drugs Themselves


 

That’s a pretty interesting suggestion.  It’s probably not a new one but I sure don’t hear anyone talking about that.  It would mean that you crave the way a drug makes you feel not the drug itself. For me, it’s like craving a song I love. Music is food for me as is dancing or moving my body.

You may say, “Well yeah!” Pardon me if my realization sounds naive or conservative.  I’m not.  I’m an extremely liberal woman but I was born sober, so obviously I’m liberal intellectually, in speaking, and in friendships, not in my hobbies.  I have never craved drugs and when I do try them they don’t affect me.  Go figure.  I’ve used alcohol, been buzzed many times and only drunk once. It does nothing for my feelings at all nor does it make my body change much, good or bad. I’ve used pot maybe five times and it doesn’t affect me. I’ve used different kinds of tobacco and I like the smell of it because it reminds me of jazz, but that’s it. I cannot relate to craving a drug to make my feelings change. That’s as odd to me as thinking that changing my clothes will change my personality.  It’s extremely irrational and makes no sense to me.

I AM exceedingly familiar with my feelings changing though, a lot!!  My feelings have always swung this way and that naturally ever since I’ve been a child.  I am in touch with a range of feelings that as a professionally trained actor, I’m able to evoke or bring to the surface quite easily.  So, it must just be my personality; the way my brain works. It does run in my family, being theatrical, but we are also counselors, therapists, and mediums.  I’m also a musician.  I come from an emotionally expressive family so that was seeded in my subconscious in utero.

What all of this is bringing to light is the fact that if you have an expressive art you can imbibe in, maybe those feelings you’re craving will start flowing and your drug craving may go down.  We all need to let our feelings out.  And what about sex?  I know women tend to be more emotional during sex than men if men are at all, but more sex would be good for women then. Most women are as comfortable with sexual feelings as they are with taking a shower or feeling ill.  It’s just part of having a body.  I know this is diametrically opposed to men.

Men, I don’t know how you deal with your feelings other than drinking.  My 19-year-old son tells me that men do get emotionally attached in relationships even though males don’t get emotional during sex itself.  I know that the emotion of sexual tension that occurs when you’re attracted to a female is very uncomfortable for most men and FEAR is your big emotion; maybe even anger at not being able to control the woman’s sexual feelings? That was some inside information I received yesterday that was fascinating.  So, let yourself “be” in a relationship, talking, feeling bonded to other males and females as friends are very therapeutic for guys.  Also, just letting yourself feel the sexual tension with a woman you like.  It doesn’t mean you have to take any major action on it immediately…I guess.

As a female, I don’t really emotionally need friendships as much as I need sex.  I don’t think many women admit that but that’s definitely the case for me.  Or maybe I’m just far more into feeling my body in its natural state than others are. So it’s more important for me to have a partner than many friendships…eventually.

I’ll follow this blog up with my intuition and findings on the sexual tension between men and women and maybe even women and women and men and men.  That should be compelling and timely. The issue seems to be unraveling our society on all levels. It’s about time, right? This male fear and issue of emotional control are called patriarchy; then it manifests in forced sex. Nada. But are women really completely emotionally innocent in all of this? I really don’t know, seriously asking.

Is it possible that the psychology of sexual predation and sexual harassment is a form of sexual tension that is physically out of alignment because of pent-up feelings? Stay tuned.