Prose; Between The Cracks


walking-on-a-piano

Between the cracks of the piano keys, where the quarter and eighth tones lie, invisible gems are to be found.

Whole tones (normal notes) have no business here…no one likes them… they just seem whole, they’re really broken; like a million notes in smudged ink all over the page.

I long for these sounds to break the cacophony around me.  Dissonance? They are consonant to me.  They fill my cup in a parched closet, old wood, dry and brittle, thirsting for moisture.  Dusty, unpopular, unseen, unheard by most human ears…

I love those places.  Ah…let me sleep there.

“Grand Opening Here”, I run the other way.  I’ll come in the middle of the night thank you-when no one is around but the ghost of my Grandpa, and maybe his friend with him.  I can write then. Dusty basements, hidden shops, in-between dimensions, cracks, and mortice hide the doorways.

I long for these places to break up the routine of my day. 

Little antique stores, old forgotten thrift stores where mom & pop still sit in the chair from 1926, gems are to be found.  Patina so thick you can taste the smell of it, musky, soil, brackish dark. Cobwebs everywhere-but it’s all new to me.

I’m looking, for…my friend…a part of my soul that is tragically invisible to the surface dwellers, so odd, so unexpected that it thrashes my back.  So impossible, so inconvenient, so much…so very good!

It feels eternally old and yet new to me; New to me because it doesn’t “fit” in my brain; in my plan.  My well ordered, hip, sharp, cerebral, sassy, punkish, cavalier brain brutishly, insensitively mocked your old stories, your tradition, your nostalgia, your mischief.  I’m not really laughing.  I just really, really like the texture of it all-and you.

It has been said, “Your heart is a fickle leader!”  Then I am the crumbs in the bottom of the toaster-like the host crumbs in “the cup”.  Drink me.  I am altogether undone.  So be it…

Move to the old that is new!

Take a leap…what seems old is new, what seems new is old.  What’s up is down??

It just is.

It aches to feel like a foreigner in my own planet…Always seeking a creative space that is misunderstood, mysterious, and forgotten.

Gorge on my grief and run for cover then…

Nothing is lacking; ever…all of it.  The devil is in the details they say.  His ears shriek when he hears quarter tones and eighth tones between the cracks; and time is no more.  When the notes become whole, he is undone.

2/14/10

 

 

Essay; St. Valentine BeHeaded


st-valentine

Here’s some romance for you…

Today is actually a Catholic Feast day of St. Valentine. He was a Catholic martyr of course, and as it says below, he was beaten with clubs, beheaded, buried at night in secret, and dug up by his followers.

His crime was voicing his dissent at the Romans because the young men were forbidden to marry young women. Instead, the Romans made it a priority that young men become soldiers for their wars.  You know, “Make war, not love”, the opposite of what the hippies said in the ’60s.

Well, sex, reproduction, gender balance, honoring nature, loving and taking care of the body, those are women’s values. The Romans were busy making sure patriarchy, the rule of rich, white men came to the fore.

Working-class men became fodder for capitalism, the military-industrial complex, materialism, the draft, and war.  The Romans started it and it continues today in modern society.

If men had been allowed to fulfill their role by nature in balance with women they would have been taught and allowed to love women, love, and care for their own body, value being a father, learn the values of monogamy, not polyamory, and find balance between the work they loved and the family they loved.

That’s all been ripped apart for men and by association, women.

Men are used as much by the system that oppresses them as they oppress women.  The system uses men to keep women down and I doubt the men even know it.

The historical proof of this is in the life of St. Valentine who advocated for Love between women and men and was killed for it by The State.

Patriarchy has brainwashed men into believing that they are not to love women, that women aren’t to be trusted, and their highest destiny is in aligning with the powers of church and state.  The truth is, we’re called and made to love each other. Roman society killed that.

The birth of misogyny and the failure of gender equity is what Valentine’s Day is really commemorating and it is as Okoto Enigma says, “An apocalypse of Love”.

Women continue to directly suffer for it by lack of loving bond in sex with men if we’re straight. Also, not being paid the same amount of money for the same quality of work.  So not only are we deprived physically and emotionally but monetarily as well.

Thanks for trying St. Valentine but the arrow is still stuck in our hearts.

Re-Program; Deportations


My blood was boiling on a rampage today about Trump ordering the ICE to deport people in five states until…

I remembered they called Obama the King of Deportation after he called for 3 million people to be deported.

It’s amazing how easy it is to find fault in your enemy and forget that an ally did exactly the same thing.

Why was I so biased?  Why did I forget Obama did that?

Why are humans so biased for one side against the other when most of the time, they do the same things?

stop_deportations_poster

Prose; Shadow


 

beautiful tree

I obscure my darkness to walk through life content, shadow feelings under the bed.

Convoluted darkness just below my navel only, my prescient dreams adumbrate what my body holds in, refusing to release its undulating grasp like a cranky child crying, needing attention and touch.

Male progenitor, emotional vampire and…ironically, my ally as a bridge to freedom in the face of neglectful, unfeeling, autocratic child-bearer.

Tremulous adolescence, when the course succor so needed is vacuous at best,

Cynical vexation felt so keenly in their insensitivity to my easily affected, young, psychic heart. They didn’t even know what the fuck psychic was because it wasn’t in the bible.

What could I have been?

What happy life could I have had if their crispy, mucous eyes had been open a crack?

That shadow feeling could spiral me down so quickly if I focused on it, so I only do it here

for release…because it’s bullshit, and my life is not bullshit, so I’m not filling it with that.

What is more helical bullshit that parental ignorance with an innocent, lovely child born in light and returning to light?

How twisted and contorted can adults get following societies rules, books, beliefs, and materialistic hysteria when they have in front of them a free soul, their child, needing only love by degrees, free roam by yards, food by weight and expression without limit?

The shadow of light is a contrast as a lesson

I’m using it to soar to the heights,

To rip asunder familial right to the soul of a child.

No more,

Whether in love or delusion

each child belongs to themselves only.

Just as roots do not dictate how far, wide and what direction a tree will grow,

so too, shadow roots deep below the ground only hold it in place while the wind, sky, and sun call us ever higher to dance with all of life above ground, storm and calm, for as long as we wish to live.

I hail from you but I am not you.

Feb. 8, 2017, Yellow 13 Warrior

 

Prose; Skin


pick a tomato

The shell of a turtle, a carapace, guards your continuance of electric water, straight to your brain, pulls your vibration down in by degrees.

Your skin like a husk full of ridges on corn smells sweet,

hard to pull off at the bottom, tassles so soft on my face, the smell of earth.

Your arm was warm and pleasant as the first tomato of summer in my hungry hand.

Let me bite into that luscious fruit, so sweet and tangy

 or a mango stream of juice down my chin.

I’m distracted, clement smells from your back

Why are so sweet yet so smart and severe?

No end to touch makes my breathing peaceful.

I feel happy…oh god I’m doomed.

Indeed, it only lasted one day and you ripped your skin from me again.

At least you can’t take the memory from me.

Words can never erase actions like skin can never cover feelings.

 

Re-Program; Does Resistance Work?


frog

I might be digging into the oracles foundation for 10,000 years.

No, wait, 20,000 years…or

How old are the human species?

6 million years, our ancestors-approximate. 200,000 years, modern humans

Well, the earth is…4.5 billion years old and we have the DNA from every living thing in our cells that ALLOWED itself to evolve on the Earth before we did.

Every living thing, every plant, worm, insect, animal, and cell that came before us flowed with the soil, the water, the mud, the detritus, the sludge, the fire, and ice…it just….was.

and it allowed itself to be on the earth, working synergistically together, no wrangling or fists, it allowed itself to be what it was because it didn’t have a mirror…to EXAMINE….and think…”What…do….I….think?”

We are a moaning, creaking tower of human thinking.  Towering human intellects decide that resistance is the most constructive course and I’m on the wrong side of the pond or the field if I see it differently.

Maybe human thinking is overrated if it cannot LET the living thing NEXT TO IT JUST BE WHAT IT IS.  These Red people are just confused.  They don’t understand.  Wow, how unacceptable and new for a human being to not understand.  They are evil because they are scared and don’t understand?  You’ve never been scared and not understood something? You’re a THINKER and you always understand everything!

Not everybody thinks all the time.  Some people feel, sense, and intuit all the time. People do different things.

Can I please, just be a blade of grass, or a quiescent pool diving deep because I now have gills?

I’ve decided it makes more sense to devolve so I can stop thinking.

When I think, then I decide to resist…breathing, seeing, feeling, intuiting, knowing-everything that ALLOWED NATURE and it’s cooperation to harmonize before I existed, my thinking is just better.  Not.

Because human beings think so much they’ve stopped feeling so much and knowing so much so that now they are this thing call civilized and think they’ll do civil disobedience to procrastinate jumping into the crystal water and having fun, knowing what they want…

they want their gills back.

My oracle said, “Human resistance works!  Look at this example”  And when I go back millions of years to the beginning of evolution, I was able to take a nap in peace next to a frog.

(The frog is an ancient species, far older than humans, as are many animals and plants.)

 

Prose; Gray Day


gray day.jpg

The sky is much grayer lack of light and still prayer.

Tree bark darker wet mud dragged upstairs.

No grayer will be in that Michigan sky, mournful woes sad goodbyes.

Sad goodbyes to the bright sun that shocks eyes in May,

It appears a huge orb high in the sky.

We say “What’s that big orange disc by day?”

Who hides behind clouds that we hate.

Oh please dear sun, we beg for your warmth,

We can’t take one more grate of this fate.

My son says, “I don’t know what is better, gray sky or the snow?”,

His smug face looks at me with a smirk.

He’s eighteen and he’s jibbing his mother so low

But he’s serious, he prefers this to hurt,

The hurt of the sun burning down on his face shining wonderful light in his eyes

He was born in a snowbank at the end of this month

Eighteen short years as I rank.

I’ll forgive him this time as there won’t be much more

Of his smart-alec ways to imbibe

He’s going away, out my front door

And that’s when my heart may just die.

Jan. 30, 2017

 

 

Prose; My Only Child Turns Eighteen Today


He went from twenty inches long to 70 inches long.  Something or someone pulled him into this big, strapping, broad-shouldered, sweet, brilliant man.

Well, legally he’s a man, but now he needs to launch out into this crazy mess of humans bumping around, unaware of how their thoughts and feelings create their life.  He is a calm, kind soul so he won’t be skinning anyone alive, but he does tend to be honest in a very charitable manner so most people won’t get off scot-free from his observations.

ALEX

The day of your birth, a crisp, cold, crystal day

In my memory, eighteen years ago holds sway

Who do I value most of all?

It’s you my son so big and tall

May your life have adventures that take your breath

May you jump in feet first, unafraid of death

I know that’s odd for a mother to say

But my son has seen death like it’s yesterday

His father is gone, a year ago now

He loved our son dearly at his final bow

I’ve held the ship level as best I can

Mostly alone with some helping hand

The men do die, often you know

The woman on her own in the ice and snow

Remember that sometimes people need help

A hand or two is all when they yelp

Just as we have done in these last two years

Keep your friends close as you move through the tears

But there’s fun to be had, plenty of that

As you move around life from the last place you sat

Run the race strong, keep your head up son

And be a good friend ’til your Earth life is done.

Essay; “The Hillary Doctrine”


It is a grievous fact that Hillary has dropped into the shadows somewhat since the election was un-democratically stolen from her, but I still want to talk about her.  She won.  Never let that die.  Never.  She won the election of 2016.

However, just as she was announcing her candidacy, my mate Michael (deceased now asthe-hillary-doctrine-cover of March 2016) bought me a great book, “The Hillary Doctrine”, Sex & American Foreign Policy by Valerie M. Hudson & Patricia Leidl.  I read it in three days.  It is very, very, well written and a brilliant book.

The subjugation of women and all living things on the earth is due in great measure to the U.S. military-industrial complex in alliance with for-profit multinational corporations; tax-payer funded.  This book paints a picture of how that plays out. Unfortunately, Hillary supported some of these corporations in her desire for power.  She was called on the carpet for that frequently, as though her payment for the ascent to power should be any different than a man’s when our government functions as a for-profit business to start wars.  If she was going to be President, there was a price to pay.  I personally wouldn’t have done it and she lost.  These are big failures for her.  She still set a precedent for women all over the world and realized great things in her government positions.  I am grateful to her for these lessons.

The book is a study or a documentary of sorts and is filled with true case scenarios of what has been done to women in Guatemala, Saudi Arabia, and Afghanistan.  It’s gruesome.  It’s non-fiction (true), is documented extensively, and puts our contractors, military, and the U.N. in the hot seat for what they’ve done to women in these countries.  It’s very disturbing and I encourage every feminist to read it.

This book is not about Hillary Clinton, pro-Hillary Clinton, or for Hillary Clinton.  That said, the book IS about her fabulous quote,

“The subjugation of women is a threat to the common security of our world and to the national security of our country.”

Do you think we may have seen this in action on an international scale during the women’s march?  Do you think this may be because Hillary Clinton was known, loved, and respected all over the world, women knew what she stood for and knew who she was, and were protesting the theft of the election from her?  I do.

I ask the Women’s Movement to bring itself up to another notch and conduct itself in a manner that can be taken seriously by the world community rather than a U.S. Pop culture phenom that comes in waves.  Her quote is a big deal.  Read it a few times and then read the book.  The condition of life for women on this planet is as big a deal as the condition of the planet itself!  How many movements fight for the Earth?  About fifty, and probably five big ones.

When I finished reading this book, I had an epiphany about how our minds could shift on this issue of subjugation of women in the war machine.

We all start out as a female in the dark of the womb.

There is no way to Peace, peace is the way (The Quakers)

Woman is peace

There is no way to woman, a woman is a way for life to be manifest

War is the absence of peace, and dark is the absence of light

Man is absent in the absence of woman because he comes through her.

Men start the war, in the dark, in the absence of peace, light, and women.  Therefore, in order for men to make war, they must destroy women.

When men accept that peace is the way, violence toward women will end.  Women must teach men the way of peace.  To do that, we must boldly em-body it and boldly teach it our whole lives, in our bodies, in our homes, in our work, with our children.

The people who believed this and lived it were actually some of our ancestors and some were Quakers.  Look up the history.  Our country was founded to be a beacon, a light on a hill that could not be put out.  The world watches us.  Let’s lead as women…all of us.

 

 

Essay; No Thank You #2- I’d Rather Have This. ~ Response to Dina Leygerman, 2017 The Women’s Movement


I have a boundary to set with the commentators on #1 of this post.  I am an extremely open-minded person that listens to how people feel for a living.  I’ve been doing it for twenty years. You are welcome to comment, of course, on the ideas I put forward.  But I will cut you off if you simply slam and criticize in anger and negativity in the comments section.  I ask that you make constructive criticism, helpful comments regarding a perspective I may not have seen.  You have to be civil to me.  I don’t allow myself to be mistreated by anyone, for any reason.

I had 4000+ views on my response to Dina since I posted it 6 days ago and many agreed with me and a few did not.  I have observed that between WordPress and Facebook and the women I talk to directly, there is an emotional savior complex among women, “we’re in this together”, “don’t deviate” attitude.  It’s a very patriarchal attitude and very “churchy” and sacrificial.  That is not the kind of movement I will join because in the end it’s controlling and selfish.  Women need to take care of themselves and ask for what they want and need and then ask others to join them.  It’s empowerment and in my life, it’s based on Spirituality.  Everyone is different and no preaching is necessary.

#1  HEALTH OF OUR BODIES AND MINDS and learning how to ask for what we need with regard to it.

I would like women’s health care and women’s right to control our bodies to be a focus.  To a great degree, we can do much of this for ourselves.  I live in my body 24/7 and it belongs to me.  Especially in holistic medicine, my health is in my hands.  But for some women, it’s not as simple.  For now, we need both allopathic and holistic health care.

I’ve also seen many, many comments that not all women from all opinions and persuasions are being welcomed into the movement; in particular, women who do not support abortion and women who prefer peace, not a closed fist.  I personally know two women who voted for Trump just on that issue alone.  If feminists are discussing women’s bodies and feelings about reproduction, we need to just LISTEN to the feelings and ideas from all corners.  It does not have to be in our platform or in our legislative agenda per se, but we owe it to all women to listen to their point of view if it’s presented in a civil manner.

Since I’m on the issue of civil manner, a women’s movement will in no way be taken seriously by Congress or anyone intelligent who could potentially fund the movement unless we stop the drama, the anger, the religious fanaticism, and the intolerance for those that don’t agree with us.

#2-Passage of the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution of the U.S.

  • Section 1. Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.
  • Section 2. The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.
  • Section 3. This amendment shall take effect two years after the date of ratification.

That’s the whole thing and it still hasn’t been passed.  I just saw this online and I couldn’t believe it.

There is already an Equal Pay Act of 1963 signed by JFK.  Women need to read it, know the law and make sure it’s enforced in any job you take.  You can find it online.  Be brave!

————————————————————————–

I’m stating this and anyone else who feels this way can wrap their mind and heart around it.  Essentially, these are mental mantras that you repeat to yourself over and over, or in a small group to set positive energy.  These are not demands or expectations. This is a list of what I want and maybe some other women will as well.

  • I want to be a happy woman and for everyone else to be happy as well
  • I want to be a thriving woman and for everyone else to thrive as well
  • I want to advocate for myself in confidence
  • I want to step up to who I really am and be honest
  • I want to hear happy-hearted women lead the movement the loudest
  • I want to know that everything is working out for each of us as individuals
  • I want to live interdependently, not co-dependently or addicted as a woman
  • I want to live safely in the world as a woman
  • I want to know that no matter how many times attempted victimization is foisted on me, I do not have to accept the feeling of being a victim or the label of being a victim. I want to know that I have the right to be here, to be in my body, and to choose my life as I see fit.
  • I want to know that Source energy, female and male, uphold me in my empowerment
  • I want affordable healthcare for my female body.
  • I want access to licensed, professional, holistic medicine for my female body and my children.
  • I want my children to live safely in the world, playful and eager
  • I want more people on Earth to feel better
  • I want more stability and security as a woman
  • I want to be safe and secure in my home as a woman
  • I want the household chores split equally in my home
  • I want sex to be discussed openly and our sexual needs met equally in my home
  • I demand to be treated as an equal in my home with a male mate
  • I want to be equal among humanity as a woman
  • I accept the different sexual expressions and orientations of other women
  • I do not support violence as a woman, from me, to me or my children
  • I do not support the societal over-objectification of women’s looks for profit
  • I want to thrive as a woman
  • I want to work in a robust economy as a woman
  • I want more of my own money and control of it as a woman
  • I want equal access to bank loans as a woman
  • I want to be listened to and respected as much as men as an intelligent woman
  • I demand credit for my work and my ideas in the workplace as a woman
  • I want to have more fun as a woman
  • I want to feel at ease in my community as a woman
  • I want to see people in affinity with me safely, around the world, as a woman
  • I want to appreciate everyone’s point of view even if we’re not in agreement, as a woman
  • I want to feel balance in diversity as a woman
  • In this movement, in my female circles, I want me or my women friends to speak first and lead before a male.  This is OUR TIME to come forward on behalf of all women in the world who want to be happy, healthy, and empowered to have a good life.  We do it in the way only women can.