Instead of watching the Inaugural…


I ratcheted up the volume and sang and followed the lyrics to R.E.M. “Ignoreland” just to get it out for two minutes.  How long has this been going on?  I’m trying to imagine how the hippies who were born in the 50’s are feeling.  I was born in 1963 and we still had all kinds of reasons to resist, and did.  I’m doing inner anarchy with love now and it’s changed my life and others lives.  I think it happens one person at a time.  It seems like a slow slog but patience is a virtue.  Keep your own peace.

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The Garden Lies Fallow


The night was lovely,

As soon as he walked in the door we wanted to inhale each other…raw attraction for months now.  Sometimes you wait to see if it goes away.   It’s not going away.

But we didn’t go there because we’re “developing” our bond so that we’re both emotionally happy with ourselves and feeling centered…

So, I contained the tide of passion for the next forty five minutes.

We sat on the couch, looked each other in the eye, so hot, talked about our kids, so warm and loving, opened Christmas gifts to each other on January 18 and drank peppermint tea.

We were each charmed with our mutual bestowals.

This was loving and literate foreplay between two artists.  Not to lead to sex exactly, but very possibly and very mutually.

This was heart foreplay, not to be taken lightly.  I kept talking and he stopped me mid-sentence and started the delicious kissing before he had to leave.

Why is he starting the kissing before he has to leave?  Why?

Then he half picked me up and threw me on the couch!!!!

I felt like a startled cat and giggled like a fresh teenager.

Mind you, we’ve already been intimate, but I’m an artist.  I’m a lover, an authentic, intelligent woman, warm, sensitive, deep.  No regular man is going to do for me.  This has to be an…

eccentric…

super intelligent…

foxy face…

a strong body…

sweet, wonderful kisses.

I love his hair and his lips.

So….back to the story.

Wow…we had these little whisper chats with each other…

Ahhhhh, it was all good, as he lay next to me but…

He has a sort of broken heart, the kind of disconsolate, forlorn vibe that starts to sink like a rock and close the heart shutter that started to burst open.

I am… so aware of what that is.

It warns a man…don’t…go there…she will eat you alive….

I swear, I wonder if that’s what he thinks.

It could be other emotions but we women, or maybe just me, sometimes think that men are heartless.

This one isn’t.  He’s a writer too.

He has to mend his broken heart and I totally, absolutely, understand

that demolished rupture, the broken mirror, the belief in self that

just says…I don’t love myself enough to love you.

I feel like a failure.  I’m not good enough for you.

It’s the trouble with the world.

How epidemic is the guilt, the sorrow, the cynicism, the pain______

 

And the woman’s garden lies fallow.

You can march and resist all you want about this man who is supposed to be our leader who grabs and insults women.  Most men are like him…not connected to their heart and addicted to something.  It’s the men’s fate.  Most women act from their hearts.  It’s in our bodies.

I think each woman just needs to be loved by a man (or woman) with an open heart who we can love in return and I really doubt it exists.

Religion teaches men to hate women unless they marry them and then control them. Then they feel even more free to hate them.

It’s never going to work.  Men are based in ego and women are based in love.

(Sigh)

stock-footage-alone-man-standing-on-the-seashore

 

 

 

Love is Patient


If my beautiful man is going through something,

My passions and indulgences can wait.

If you truly care about each other, both back and forth,

If one is having a hard time, the other one can pick up the slack for a bit

or just wait…

I’m taking care of my heart, don’t worry.

Now you go and take care of your heart in whatever way you need to.

It must be in the air today.

Heart_of_Oneness

 

Meditation Music (that’s fab!)


Many people know who Wayne Dyer is.  He passed last year but he is still with us in other ways…of course.  I found this today online.  It’s the best meditation music I’ve ever heard…so beautiful and it’s what he and his children used when meditating.  The actual music starts at 7:24 and goes for about 50 minutes. During the first seven minutes he talks.  Essentially, the “God tone” sounds throughout and connects one directly to Source.  The note is a “C” with some overtone in there (that I hear, probably the 3rd and the 5th making it a P5).

Wayne says it reverberates the “I Am that I Am” from the Torah.  Like so many of us, Wayne was raised in religion, (Catholic), and became a Spiritual teacher and author.

May you have inner peace and calm during this interesting, if not potentially disturbing time.  Keep the faith.  Pray for serenity and love.  Enjoy!

Reflection


These are the first few paragraphs from my book “Healer” which will be published in 2017.

I have a roving passion for putting the pieces together when it comes to my history and relationships.  I can sit with it pensively if I have some tea but that gets old.  It’s too curious not to talk about it.

Many people who know me would say I’m a deep thinker and that I think an awful lot, that I’m different or odd.  Excessive introspective rumination can be hard on the body and fattening to the ego, but if the heart is involved, I’ve found that it balances out.  I feel I do balance out my passion like two people on a teeter totter.  It is much more fun if your weight is about equal between the mind and the body.

Being a writer, I’m not the kind of person to just let the puzzle pieces float in the air like fireflies.  I want to grab them, bring them down to earth and figure out why they glow by themselves.  I’m not sure why my life has been so fragmentary and synchronous compared to others but it has.  I don’t resist it.  I accept it and even try to be nobly entertained by it.  I hope I can offer you a different perspective and show you another shrouded angle that you’ve never heard of to give you pause.

I did plenty of raucous, carefree, haphazard living in my youth that was far from serious, but my quality of life went up when I balanced it with being focused and serious as well.  Life isn’t all kittens, flowers, and platitudes.  Sometimes you have to buy a plane ticket and fly somewhere you’ve never been before; even meet people you’ve never met before. No matter where I went, I felt like someone was watching over me and I was safe.  I wasn’t particularly taught that as a child but I can’t remember feeling any other way.  That feeling is like my favorite sweatshirt or my favorite pair of silky dress pants that hang well on my waist.

Dali-Ventana

Liquid Saturday


I roll around in my warm bed by myself like a dulcet silken bag of potential poetry spoken into an imaginary lovers ear.  Or I could sing to him.  I haven’t had that opportunity yet.

I’m happy…really.   It’s abundant, nurturing, warm, and close to the earth.

I find the peacefulness of being by myself in a relationship with myself to be magical.  I can surf the waves of words that sit below my navel and bring them up into my stomach to digest with my breakfast, then into my heart where my son, cute animals and gentle firemen reside and express it through the voice in my fingers.

Put me on a secure raft in some warm tropical waters and that’s where I am.

Sure, I have to cook, chew my food, do the dishes and take out the trash, but that is atmospheric seasoning to where my percipience is really focused.

My perception is in my body which is still feeling the dream I had last night like a crab secure in its loose-fitting, restful shell.

Only the inspiration of a local tree could suggest I stand up and walk out the door made from it’s relation.  The trees get used and splintered for our delight with the fantasy of solid things.  My world is really liquid, empty space full of potential.

woman-in-water

Just a mistake


Evil just means error.  You or I just made a mistake.  It’s not serious.

Everyone makes mistakes.

If I make a mistake, I am forgiven.

There-guilt disappears from everywhere.  Now I can relax and have fun.

 

Sin…that’s different.  Don’t mistake the two.

Simply, if you feel and know God is real, all through nature, all throughout the Universe,

And you feel and know God is Love and Forgiveness, Goodness, warmth,

And you deeply, deeply want to do and be the opposite, that’s serious, it’s willful, it’s ego-it’s despicable and twisted.

You’re hurting yourself more than anyone else…but that’s allowed in a free universe as well but won’t be overlooked.

Still, Love literally destroys both. So again, let it go and you can relax and move forward.

blessings

The Problem with Adoring Each Other


Part of the new compassionate, Spiritual/Holistic paradigm is loving myself, loving my body, and experiencing joy in taking care of myself.  Instead of valuing sacrificial suffering that hails the hoard onward, I’m happy and grounded, even if it’s like a dried up sweet pea hanging on its vine. I’m stalking all of that in my life as we speak to make a case for spring in the middle of winter.  The assembled energy I have is diametrically opposite that of needing the validation of an amassed group of imposters pretending to agree so they can drink together later. It’s not that I don’t like the group, or that I don’t occasionally have a very dry martini, I just don’t viscerally need the group.  They get exhumed energy from each other; even demand it threatening social castigation, as though there would be any real loss there.  I obtain energy from Source in me.  I just talked about that in my previous blog.  I live alone, have no mate and no boyfriend to muddle my mind.  I haven’t figured out how to affix myself to a rumbling male in my present condition.  In addition, my mephitic eighteen year old son will be moving out of the house soon to go on his way to sow his oats and beans.  My peaceful environment is proliferating.

As I think back on the men/mates I’ve adored and who have adored me, as vain as that sounds, it was called love at the time and then it turned into territorial civil war and possessive jealously.  I’m pretty sure that uncorked behavior is common and some couples like it that way but some don’t.  I don’t.

It’s just that, in this new paradigm of sitting in your body and owning yourself, that adoration doesn’t feel like its all it’s cracked up to be.  It feels as though I’ve forged an alliance with a fawning cat whose nursing by pushing it’s paws into my chest.  Maybe it’s just the mood I’m in.  When a man starts to adore me he wants to own me, my time, and my body, like a pet!  That’s been my experience with every man I’ve been with except this last guy I dated.  He left me in the dog house neglected, but at least he didn’t bug me.  I know there are all the ideals about giving your mate the space they need, but then the real emotions of amorous desire creep in.

“I want you”, “I adore you”, “I need you”, “I love you”, “I miss you” becomes a medieval prison!  I used to think I wanted to be adored by a man with high self-esteem and all the pheromones I need to be turned on, but now I’m not so sure.  I love my life, my work, my friends, and my home.  Maybe all of that adoration would be oppressive!  I’d have to respond after all or that would be rude.

What it reminds me of are the old paradigms of patriarchy and matriarchy.  Our current paradigm, patriarchy, is based on the man having the most power in every situation and he wants to adore the woman who is his goddess.  Well, I like the goddess myths well enough, but daily life isn’t so much a myth as a dirge.  So the woman is supposed to keep herself as this adorable object that the man possesses, like Melania Trump.  This is, “let him chase you and initiate action” belief.  In this paradigm, Meryl Streep, according to Trump, is over rated in every way and he’d like her to sit down and shut up.  It accounts for “Bubba” and fascist misogynist type men.  In my view, it’s repugnant-but there are all levels of men on the misogynist scale based on culture and economics.  They like to see a busty woman laying over the hood of a car and probably like to fix cars.  I hope I’m not being too biased.  They emotionally need women to stay beneath them, in a bikini, gratefully riding in the passenger seat.  There are plenty of women willing to do that because they all voted for Trump.

Then there is the very old paradigm of matriarchy where the woman held power over the man. I wonder how she did that?  Mind you, it’s no less imbalanced than patriarchy.  In the old days, the very old days, the woman held the most power in every situation and she wanted to adore the man.  So the man was supposed to keep himself as an adorable object that the woman possessed and bossed around.  It makes me shudder.  The belief here was, “Woman picks the man and she initiates action”.  That doesn’t sound very sexy to me.  It seems to me that some young women might be trying to swing back to that these days. Many women still operate this way.  I was raised to operate this way toward men and I’m really seeing it in myself.  I don’t like it, or the patriarchal way.  Now I feel stuck in the twisted middle.

So as I ponder the newly forged spiritual paradigm of gender balance of power.  I wonder how this is going to affect the evolved brew of sexual tension necessary  between women and men to make things burn?  I guess the birth rate will decrease as projected by the social scientists and more adults will remain consumers of single servings in the frozen aisle.

 

male-female

Life in Between Writing


Does the life inside my head, when I’m not writing, count as my Life?

Or do I have to go outside and be around people to observe and participate in that stuff in between writing for that to count as my Life?

Or does the time I’m just being empty headed, doing and thinking nothing and not writing count as my Life?

I think it all counts.  Thought forms tend to be phantasms but they’re really not ya know. The preponderance is on action in our society but it’s not that way for writers.

Thought forms are picked up by the mind and manifested into the cells of the body.  I work on people’s bodies as a holistic health care service in between writing and see it every day. Dr. Mercola is a good one on this subject.  There is much research on quantum physics verifying the body as a type of energy antenna but we’ll start here.  Take a look.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/01/30/eft-mapping-emotions.aspx

My daily life is fairly structured and repetitive on the outside so I can serve the fluctuations, intuitions, and insights on the inside.  My pet peeve is letting myself get distracted by “friends” who feel guilty, don’t have much fun, or tend to be lazy and therefore jealous of others achievements who’ve earned it.  Therefore, I try to stay in creative mode and happy in my body.

When the sky is gray, like today, or it’s snowing, all of nature brings a variation that causes  lip licking and nose blowing with a tempermental euphoria that distinctly tastes like the air.  I love the smell of the crisp air in Michigan winter.  This is my life in between writing.

But even though the snow plows the street, must we go on an errand?  I just want to drink my Earl Grey tea and sit in my master chair writing my latest musing.  That’s the thing about being a writer.  When my mind is swirling, my body won’t.

For now, watching the rhythmic drips from my roof out my window will do until I set up another lunch date to look forward to with a girlfriend.  One thing I’m not going to do is turn the TV on. Television is a muse killer if there ever was one.

 

stock__winter_snow_in_forest_by_needanewname-d46z9zo

 

 

 

 

How I Hook Up To Source Energy


Well, first off, as it is on Earth for most people, the losses, traumas, and deaths pile up to the point where you might not want to be here anymore. I m just being honest.  Sometimes we all feel like it’s ridiculous, like this last election cycle.  WTH?  Then I check in with myself and say, “Nope, I m still having fun, enjoy my body, sex, food, friends, my son, my work, the seasons, music, you name it.”

My question in the midst of it is, “How can I make sense of this suffering I witness most others going through and my own?”  The first thing I do is realize were all in this together. No one, anywhere, is immune from the soul lessons here. I don’t believe in fortunate or unfortunate, lucky or unlucky. Don’t ya think we make our own fortune by our choices?  Its a big well we can dip into with our mind and heart. When I dip into that well, that’s how I connect to Source.

It’s universal to want to connect emotionally and physically to others. I feel that is an inclination from Source and I let my body feel it. Making art together, cooperating, joining together for a just cause. All of that connects us to Source because Source is in us.

I don’t recommend feeling sorry for yourself for too long or you won’t get the wisest use out of your limited time in the body. Everyone goes through the dark night of the soul. You could use that experience to grow. Feel the depth of it, go into those emotions and what other people think of your “negativity” be damned while you’re figuring it out.  I did it by myself and called on my friends. I didn’t use a counselor, although you could.  I journal and I wrote a book.

I’ve been hooking to Source energy every day for about 25 years now in all of those varied ways.  I make sure I live in a peaceful, non-violent environment. I eat well and exercise so I like my body and can feel its rhythms. In this way I can watch my breath as I close my eyes and drop my mental focus. Now I pay attention to every body part starting at the head and going down. I have a body balancing technique I use that includes color and Reiki.

I affirm to Spirit/God that I m here to serve and love all life. I affirm that I promise to love myself as best I can in order to do that.  I give myself permission to detach from people that are not loving or loving to me or don’t like me, then do something called “bless and release” instead of cursing or hating them. If I focus/pray about one person, a flood of intuitions come in about that person because I am in receive mode from Source. I see people and events unfold like a movie and it’s been happening all of my life. I note all of that in my memory.

I wish well for everything in front of me no matter what state it’s in. I ask for revelation on specific issues on which I have a question and always listen for the answer. The universe knows I listen and respect them💜. They impart information to those that believe and listen.

So, love and take care of yourself, join with others doing something creative that you love, accept that everyone goes through dark night of the soul and you’re not alone, have as much freaking sex with whoever you want to stay healthy, and follow your intuition.  Don’t hesitate to walk away from people who don’t get you or don’t like you.  You’ll know because you’ll feel bad around them.

You can rampage it on this planet and be free. It’s not worth it to follow, obey, or sit it out because it’s going to be over before long anyway.

fall leaves