Integrity comes from doing what you feel inwardly called to
do, not what you are compelled to do via outside social pressure or societal institutions.




My observation of my own life, and others lives, is that Life falls in line when I follow my inner guidance and pay little attention to what others are doing.  I’ll pay attention to what others are doing when it interests me! And I have many interests so I am interested in what many people are doing.  But a REAL time waster for focused, intelligent, loving people is caring about what the larger society is doing.  Television, news, “things”, competing,  I mean…unless  you feel super happy doing those things and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy-go right ahead.  Really?  It’s not going to lead you anywhere though unless you really enjoy your own company without them.

Being in debt to anyone is another way to have your personal power leached from you.  I’ve found that I am free to earn as much or as little as I feel like as long as the only people I have to pay the way for is my own family; my son and I.  I have the choice to keep my living expenses low so I can earn as much or as little as I want.  So, it is a goal of mine to get completely out of debt and not be affiliated with a bank.  I’m not affiliated with a bank at the moment; just a credit union.  And I am almost out of debt. The bank’s job is to leach as much of your money from you as it can.  So, I boycott them.  I hope they go away.

Loving my own body and feeling the way I want to feel physically is another very empowering position to be in.   When my time is wasted and I get upset, it’s hard to focus on a daily workout and pay attention to food nutrition.  Ever notice that? Others drama is well nigh constant and can pretty easily pull you off of your track.  I’ve been trying to lighten my load for about 25 years now. It’s fairly ridiculous.  It is getting better now as I learn to focus no matter what.

One thing is for sure on this planet.  When you watch and listen to people, they are interesting.  They come in all shapes and sizes, proclivities, and talents.  I like to watch individuals, not the larger society when everyone is acting like a pack animal. God bless the humans, as long as they don’t mimic each other incessantly.

Size Bias. (A snippet from my book “Healer”)

“Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…”-J.K. Rowling


Thin privilege means you’ve proven that you have control over your appetites and just live a healthy good life.  If you force yourself, in any manner possible, to be thin, you have the privilege of hovering over others who are not thin and believing you’re better than them because you CONTROL your life, your mind, and your body size at all costs to gain advantage in every way.  What society and media has done is cover over their addiction to money, sex, fancy houses, food, drugs, etc., because they have no connection to Source/spirituality.  They are using having a thin body as the token for being “in control” of themselves.  However, if you dig a little deeper in thin, rich people’s lives, you’ll see all kinds of things out of control that they are hiding.  They’re playing the superficial game and it will at some point, come tumbling down.  No one on this planet is immune to control issues.  And no one has the right to assert that they are better or of more value on the planet because they can appear to be.  All the world’s a stage and they are certainly the players.  So what they assert is that anyone who is thick, for whatever reason, doesn’t matter as much, is not “in control” of themselves, should not make as much money, and are below the thin people in every way.  Right.  I don’t think so.  Things are changing now.


I’ve already achieved two of my dreams; having a child, and having my own healing practice.  I’m convinced, and I’ve heard firsthand accounts from those who have been heavy and are now thin, of the fact that when a woman loses weight, her value and amount of “attention and affirmation” go up astronomically.  Thin privilege is real.  Some guys say it doesn’t matter when they’re feeling all warm in their heart.  But that’s only 1/8 of the time that they’re feeling warm in their heart.  The rest of the time they’re a stray dog looking for a b….. To hump.  Then it matters!  The energy workers say that fat cells hold the vibration of love in a more grounded way than thin/toned women.  Thin, toned women function to easily fulfill the sexual appetite of men or women mostly, in my opinion.  Let’s face it.  Sex can go quicker, is more intense, you can move better and it’s all pretty animalistic when you’re small.  Thick people have great sex too.  I’m not asserting we don’t.  But it takes longer.  The men get their grounding through the woman, use her, and throw her-sort of like a dementor in Harry Potter when they can get it quickly.  Fat women are self-contained and ground themselves with love through their thickness.  The weight pulls on gravity which helps us center our energy like a magnet.  It’s just a theory.  My son said to me, “It seems like fat people are happier Mom”.  Lol.  Maybe we’re calmer, less stressed out because we aren’t competing so much.  I don’t know.

It’s a diabolical fact in our society that fat people are treated like lepers.  It’s because of patriarchy and Capitalism.  Fat women are offensive to patriarchal men and women.  We’re paid less, viewed as lazy or stupid, unhealthy, an insurance risk, and not touched as much.  My ex-husband asked me to lose weight “for him”.  Unbelievable.    The whole notion is so incredibly nauseating at how superficial and conditional people are in their acceptance of others.  One of my old friends lost a TON of weight (she was bigger than me), and she seems most unhappy now that she’s thin.  Sure, physically it’s easier to move, but now she’s realizing what she was hiding from when she was overweight and I think it’s getting to her.  She was hiding from superficial bullshit!  The same thing happened to my older sister.  It’s obvious to me that it’s too easy for women to lose themselves in relationships, others, their kids, their community and ignore their body and their needs.  It’s too easy for men to lose themselves in sex, toys, money, and indulgence.  It turns a man on when a woman loves herself, knows her own mind and needs and loves her body no matter what size it is.  I’ve been all sizes in my life.  While I’ve been a Mom, I’ve felt very comfy in a thicker body.  But now that my son is grown and I want to zip around from 50-95 years old, I think my bones will hold up better if I lighten the load.  That said, I’m not going to parade around a different size body like it’s a trophy which degrades those that choose to stay in a thicker body!  To each his own.

For me, I respect a man so much if he can control any of his appetites and learn to spend time with a woman and love a woman in a relationship.  If he can’t, I don’t respect him, no matter how many degrees, money and accolades he has.  Men are going to have to face the fact that unless they can bond monogamously with the woman that really loves and digs him, he’s a failure in societies eyes.  We could call that the Tiger Woods syndrome.  He’s a world class golfer, yes,   intelligent and successful, yes. But he cheated on his wife.  That makes him a loser, not a winner.

The same is not true for women.  The opposite is true.  Single, older women who have their own money are respected and looked up to by everyone.  The reason for this is another book.

Jeffersonian Democrat-Republicans. It’s a party.

I’m done reading “Thomas Jefferson-The Art of Power” by Pulitzer Prize winner Jon Meacham. It’s a great read.  I highly recommend it if you are on the fence politically and want to know what underlies the tension between the two parties.  I’m an Independent.

Thomas Jefferson was a Democratic Republican and was the 3rd President from 1800-1808. He was a Republican in the true meaning of the word, not the modern meaning of the word.  But he was a very progressive man; especially for his time.  A republic is a state in which supreme power is held by the people and their elected representatives, and which has an elected or nominated president rather than a monarch (i.e. Queen Elizabeth). Our system in the U.S. is a Republic. In a democratic republic, you debate and discuss matters in a civilized manner, 1 person, 1 vote, the society is orderly, and everyone’s rights are respected per the law.  That is democratic behavior. The Republicans are not behaving democratically at all at the moment, thus our system is thwarted.

What you are witnessing right now in the government is extreme sabotage on the part of the modern day Republicans toward the President and the people by not FUNCTIONING as elected representatives as called for in The Constitution of the U.S.  As we all know, they aren’t doing their job.  That forces the hand of the President and makes him look like a dictator because Congress will not cooperate.  In a democracy, you accept who won the election, bellyache about it,  make decisions anyway, vote, and get some work done for the good of the people.  There is work to do! The Republicans in Congress will not cooperate because they don’t believe it’s in their interest to do so.  They know who their voting base is. Their mantra is, “Do not cooperate with that man!”

What’s clear to me after reading this book is that not much has changed!  Thomas Jefferson’s concept of a Democratically run Republic is extremely progressive and civilized.  He was 500 years ahead of his time.  His vision calls for an educated, civilized electorate for all; all races, genders, and proclivities.  We don’t have that yet.  The U.S. is still very regional and provincial.  Jefferson’s vision is still unacceptable to most Americans as it was back in his day by some of the Republicans and the Federalists (pre-cursor party to the Democrats).  People loved and hated Jefferson.  He was such a great, humble, intelligent, civilized man!  He didn’t want to conflict with or offend anyone so he didn’t talk much.  He just wrote a lot.  The gun slingers, cowboys, farmers, soldiers, and wild west types who think you should marry your cousin that looks exactly like you wanted to string him up because he wasn’t violent and vulgar enough.  He wasn’t provincial enough.  He was too open-minded and tolerant. He received a lot of death threats.  So it goes on this planet.

Most Americans are stuck in a 2 party system in their minds. They believe that if you are a Republican, you are the enemy of the Democratics and should be wiped off the planet. Some also feel that the Democrats are the party of Jesus Christ and can do no wrong in the rainbow nation utopia.  Neither one is in reality.  The U.S. is set up to be a Democratic Republic; equally.

Jefferson’s vision, elucidated in the Bill of Rights and the U.S. Constitution is exact.  He saw the way past monarchy.  It’s only been 263 years!  We need to keep reading those documents and discussing them.  We need to keep reading the stories of our ancestors, time travelling in them in our minds, and having gratitude for how much they accomplished and how much of their lives they dedicated to the cause of human freedom and progress.  Our children need to know these stories.  I’m very moved when I read them.  I was very moved when i read Jefferson’s inaugural address.  I’m moved when he was confronted with terrible slander and judgment from very bad people during his life and laughed it off with no resentment.

Jefferson knew that in order to make a difference he had to garner power and he did it in a non-confrontational way.  That said, he was always at the ready with the militia if Britain or France threatened us.  Having survived the Revolutionary War, he didn’t rush headlong into the war with Great Britain that would come in 1812 under James Madison.  Instead he instituted a questionable embargo on British goods.  He wasn’t perfect and made some mistakes.  But on the whole, I found Jefferson to be a man of the Enlightenment, having a dedication to Love and Freedom, a passionate and learned man who tried to bring civility to society in a time of colonial strife and a wild land.  I’m grateful for his life and work.

Make “Justice” Brownies Yourself…From Scratch

Do you know when you do something wrong?

Do you care?  Do you enjoy it?  I don’t mean wrong by society or religious standards.  I mean, your own natural conscience.

Meaning…you’re hurting a good person consciously, because you’re so weak and feel like a victim yourself.

This whole idea of good destroying evil, whipping someone with a cute, fluffy, cuddly kitten instead of revenge or vengeance or striking back…I don’t know.  It doesn’t seem natural to me.  Especially when we teach that following nature brings balance.  The scales of justice are supposed to bring balance.  But they rarely do because humans are so biased and arbitrary in favor of their own kind.  People do whatever they want or find a way to.

Love and affection is more disabling than violence?  If you really want to win, love the person who is behaving so terribly?  Huh. It feels so weird to me.  Revenge or vengeance seems natural.  Well, if not natural, it’s COMMON.  It’s popular!

They’ll be brought to their knees because love is what they desperately need TO DO and receive and they are blocking it with every breath of their being to keep their shields up. Huh.Image


I think you have to make justice for yourself, yourself.  The only fairness you have control over is how you treat yourself and others.

As soon as you require justice from others, or institutions, you’re their prisoner.  They own your ass.

It’s like a bill collector.  They don’t own you, you own them!  They NEED and WANT money FROM you.  You own their ass.  You have money and only you can control it!  The more they harass, the more you can with hold.  Especially if it’s cash.  You have something they want and need.

When you’re indebted to someone, they don’t control you, you control them.  Think about it.  As long as they hold you in their debt, owing them, and don’t forgive it, they stay attached to you.  If someone stays attached to you, that means they need you to AFFECT them.

Wrongs done and not righted by universal standards is as vast as the ocean and as eternal as the universe.

There is no end to that.  It seems like a waste of time.  It’s never going to be perfect on Earth where that is concerned.

That’s why forgiveness is freedom.  When you forgive others, you don’t free them, you free yourself.

The Children

The Children

In our quest for power, money, equal status, and safety as women and men, we need to remember our basic instinct and job as adults is to properly feed, care for, and love the children. If you’re not doing that, what else matters? It’s our greatest joy and the way we learn bonding and love.

Prejudice Toward Fat People

I have been a clinical massage therapist for 11 years.   I have worked on thousands of bodies, all body types, male and female.  I had one young female patient ask me once, “Do you ever hate someone’s body?”  Wow.  “No”.  That would be a bit incongruous with being a healer, don’t you think?  Yet, Dr. David Katz, M.D., a fairly well-read and popular doctor, wrote this great article for Huffington Post on obesity bias in healthcare.  Please read it before you go on.

He doesn’t support obesity bias either and is calling for an end to it.  I don’t think he delves quite far enough though.  He cites the surveys that have been done in the healthcare profession that show that a good percentage of professionals feel revulsion, disgust, prejudice, bias, and emotional disgust when dealing with fat patients.  They have an emotional response toward large amounts of adipose tissue.  Even people who are fairly large themselves will express revulsion at those with even more adipose tissue than them, feeling that they are superior because “at least they’re not THAT fat!”  Everyone says, “But come ON!  It’s SO unhealthy!!!!” Practitioners in holistic health think that a thin vegetarian might live forever whereas a carnivorous fat person will probably die at 55.  It doesn’t matter whether you’re happy or not?  Frankly, I see clinical studies going both ways.  I dated a fellow who is built large, but he was fit.  He had lost a lot of weight too quickly and suffered for it.  The doctor couldn’t re-align his internal organs for him so he was in pain.  I’m on the scientific fence on this issue.  I think it’s healthier to be happy than to be a people pleaser for superficial reasons. Yo-Yo dieting and intolerance of yourself and others is more unhealthy.  Casting yourself into an elite, “beautiful people group” and exercising 2 hours a day, 5 days a week and dissing others is supremely unhealthy in a myriad of ways…and not cool.  Some big people work out 5 days a week and are still big!

Diabetes is unhealthy.  So is having cancer.  So is having 3rd degree burns all over your body.  But you don’t hear people emotionally exclaim, with disgust, “Your 3rd degree burns repulse me.  Get away from me.”  “Your cancer repulses me.  That’s it.  You’re going to be punished!  We are going to pay you less.  What’s the problem?  We are going to call you names.  We don’t want you to work here.  We are going to laugh at you.  We are going to kick you off the airplane because you have something “different” going on in your body than I do.”  Yes, people have fear about being around the vibes of illness, especially cancer.  But they don’t have a judgmental bias toward sick people.  For the most part, they have compassion and are supportive.  Yet you continue to hear the social cover up that belies hypocrisy to obesity, “But it so unhealthy!”  You know there is something deeper going on than a health issue.  What’s going on is BODY TYPE INTOLERANCE.  The person judging needs others to look like them.  That’s messed up.  And it’s very weak.  It’s even vampirism.

You don’t hear people say, “Your pancreaitis  repulses me.  Get away from me”.  Acceptable disease bias does not routinely exist.  But excess adipose tissue gets this special place on the rung of “body alignments” that serves as a social whipping post for thin people or even people who just have body/eating disorders.

It’s social intolerance!~  It’s Projection 101 from the person that has a bad self body image. If you stigmatize, or have emotional (intolerance) about obesity, frankly, you have a body image problem of your own and you really need to admit it to yourself and leave everyone else alone.  Talk to someone who you can trust.  Get some help. You likely have an eating disorder no matter what your body size.  It’s not just very thin people who have eating disorders.  You don’t like yourself no matter what size you are.  What addiction are you indulging in to cope with your self-loathing?  It’s epidemic.  And it’s socially sanctioned.

It’s manifests socially as Xenophobia-not liking people who look different from you because you are so insecure.  That’s as old as the hills.  It’s what starts wars.  It’s the cause of divorce.  It’s the way criminals and predators are.  They feel like victims, so they victimize others.  It’s also a symptom of the scarcity model that underpins Capitalism.  Capitalism thrives on the economic caste system.  God Bless America.

Personally, I have been all body sizes.  When I was a teenager (18-19) I was a size 9 and weighed 135.  I was not happy for other reasons.  When I was in my 20’s I was a size 12.  I was not happy for other reasons.  After I had my baby at 36, I was at 170 and was a size 14-16.  I was happy because I had my baby.  And I loved having a cushy, mama marshmallow body.  I still sort of do.  Then, in my very bad, stressful marriage where I was attacked verbally and emotionally and had to defend myself all the time, I got up to size 24.  I’ve been divorced for 4 years and now I’m back down to a size 18 and going down and settling down, and dealing with the kind of sensitive person I am.  I now have a mate that I’m compatible with.  Because I want to bounce around for the next 50 years and to save my joints, I’m working out every day and eating healthy.  But I feel good no matter what and I get A’s on my yearly physical.

My point is, at all times, I kept moving forward, had sex, was told I was gorgeous, had men pawing on me, and succeeded at whatever I wanted to.  It was not due to the size I was.  It was due to the fact that I am the Queen of my body and my mind and I think I’m hot stuff.  I see how everyone has a “hot side”.  I love all people.  I support every woman and man to feel the same way about themselves.  I felt comfy sitting in my marshmallow padding getting very intellectual in college and graduating magna cum laude.  That’s what I wanted!  I didn’t WANT to be small and bouncy.  My plush body served my purposes then.  And it serves my purposes now at size 18.  When you look at cushy people, know that it’s serving their life purposes right now or they’d be different.

People have the right to have the size body they need at the time, when they need it, for their own personal reasons.  When they want to change it THEY WILL, for their own reasons!  Or, if they don’t want to, THEY WON’T, for their own reasons.  You do not have the right to project your self loathing and judgment, and teasing onto them, then justify it by saying, “But it’s SO unhealthy!”  They won’t be changing themselves TO PLEASE YOU, WHO ARE UNCOMFORTABLE with yourself no matter what size you are!

This culture needs to stop scapegoating fat people, start loving themselves and taking care of themselves at ALL stages in their body. The health and happiness of your body is in your hands.  It’s not in your spouses hands, your doctors hands, your kids hands, your parents hands, or the pastor’s hands.  What you feel in your body is what matters most.  It’s your body!

Everyone is different.  Everyone has a story.  Everyone has different needs.  Be cool.


Rumi Water

You are there. I am here. It’s the beginning of all relating…the body…the eyes, the voice.

There would be no institutions, no schools, no communities, no families if people weren’t merging the body first on some level or all levels.

The Body starts everything.  It’s the alpha, the prime mover, the core initiator, the foundation for all communication.

From that follows your tablet, your iphone, houses, communities, networks etc.  There would be nothing on Earth without bodies.  Mountain bodies, squirrel bodies, bird bodies, soil body.  BODY is the foundation for all Life and all Mind.  All ideas, all money, all organization flows from the fount of Body.

What if we were all, all of a sudden invisible and had no body?  What if everything on Earth was invisible in the same way? What if  all of a sudden, everything was just PURE MIND? and we could hear each other speak or feel each other’s vibe but we couldn’t see each other because none of us had a body? What if we were so Mindal that we LOST our bodies because we forgot how to vibrate in our body so that they could be seen?

What if our world was just full of disembodied Minds wandering around?

The Body is Sacred.

It’s everything we have and are on Earth.

It’s how Life evolves.

It’s our tool for communication of our Mind and Heart.  There would be no relationships with animals, the Earth, or other people without THE BODY you have. Your Body is Your Source and your magnet holding you here.  It’s important to tune it to the right channel to receive the information you need.  Your parents channeled you into the body but they are not your Source.  They just had the codes to unlock the physical door (the DNA).

Your Body comes first.

If you don’t have your body or like your body, or inhabit your body, you are poor and ignorant.  It doesn’t matter how much money or formal education you have if you don’t inhabit or like your body or use your body to express yourself.  You can be manipulated, controlled, and people can suck off of you unless you sit in your Body Power which is your Mind Power. What you see in front of you, in another person, is a PERFECT expression of WHERE their MIND is RIGHT NOW.  They are on a journey in a Body.  But your interpretation of the meaning of their body is just your interpretation.  Honor that person, that body in front of you as an expression of how they feel, how they relate, what they think.

There is no ONE WAY each body is supposed to be.  Diversity is necessary for all life. Who you are in your Body, at this very moment, reflects your Mind exactly.  We’re all in the same boat.

I Had a Powerful Dream Last Night

It must have been a Solstice dream.  It felt like a gift; information my psyche had been needing to proceed in confidence with my work.  Today is the Solstice at Noon-so I guess it was Solstice Eve.

This was a dream that wasn’t a dream; it felt real.  I was actually there.  I was in a room, sitting in a chair against a wall, the room was light and normal (ethereal) and there were others there.  There was a small woman to my left, one person away from me and she was standing.  This was some kind of “session” and she was teaching.  Upon waking, I realized she was my teacher.  That’s why I was there!  She was middle-aged, short, longish white hair but modern, small, thin, rational face.  She had “the sight” and was logical.  There was a troubled woman up in front, attractive, not in pain, but ashamed, and had fear and grief.  She wanted to sit behind a wall and didn’t want the teacher to focus on her.   The teacher could smell what her disease was.  That’s why I was at this session.  The teacher wanted to show how mis-aligned vibration smelled.  She was not an Empath or a hands on healer such as I.  She understood that everything in nature had a particular smell. Everything in nature has a certain atomic structure or cellular make-up.  That make-up causes it to resonate with our olfactory (smell) sense when it mixes with the air.  Aroma therapy is based on this natural fact.  However, when it comes to assessing a dis-ease state, smell can be helpful.

The teacher could smell Malaria in the woman.  She kindly said, “You came here to be helped and we are going to help you”.  “I can smell malaria in you”, and the teacher pinpointed the spot.  I was watching.  The teacher imparted some intuitive information that I’m still processing as far as how to do it.  But first, the healers body has to be cleansed and aligned.  It is similar to any other bodily smell that comes from people.  Our soaps, deodorants, and perfumes try to cover everything up.  But if you want someone to really know who you are, you’ll let them smell you.  It is a primal sense and one that doesn’t lie.   The woman with malaria was Caucasian and was ashamed that she had this disease associated with poverty that would not leave her.

The teacher then had her come to me.  Being an Empath, I am able to feel how the patient feels but not internalize or bond to the energy.  The purpose of knowing is to help align it, not absorb it!  I could feel that the minor chakra points at her shoulders and at her  thyroid were very far off.  That is the area the teacher had pointed out.  Upon doing Reiki, my hands got very hot and the healing commenced as normal with her husband watching.  I felt very strong Compassion for the woman and knew she wanted to be rid of it.

At the end of the dream was an image of ‘The Sacred Heart of Jesus”.  I’m familiar with that image and I believe the Catholics use it a lot, but I can only conjecture as to how it applies here.  Jesus was a healer and the one I’m most familiar with having been raised Christian, which is just a sect of Judaism.  Christians have a hard time accepting this, but Christianity is just amended Judaism or a sect of Judaism.  Jesus was a Jew.  He did not found Christianity.  The Apostle Paul and the Emperor Constantine are by and large the founders of the sect  Jesus was a Jew, a lover, and and healer.  He was completely connected to his heart as a healer.  Maybe there is some kind of affinity; especially with regard to this dream.

Jesus (2)