Essay; Marriage is Prison for Some Women


 

woman in prisonOne of the main comments I’ve heard from women patients in my office is, “I want to be alone, not married. I wish I was free and single like you.” Many women feel like prisoners in their marriage and their physical ailments and stress level are consequently very high.

I bet many married men say it to single guy friends too, but I wonder. I’ve heard men benefit far more from marriage than women do and suffer more in divorce.  Most women thrive after divorce.

What are we looking at here?

Marriage is an institution where you’re seeking the sanction of church or state with a license and/or a ceremony but what are your true motivations for doing it?  Maybe the institutions function like an agricultural stockade where animals are inspected, traded and sold. You’ve heard of animal husbandry. Well, when a woman gets married her mate is called her husband which makes her a reproductive animal in society’s view. So maybe marriage is primarily suited for only young women in their reproductive years who want to have children. And many young women who get married don’t necessarily want children. Then maybe they shouldn’t get married.

I think it’s time to retire these outmoded ideas regarding a woman’s relationship with her mate. Marriage isn’t always necessary. Balance of power between a woman and man needs to be discussed and kissed about.  We can be monogamous with each other because we want to be, not because somebody said we should. It’s nobody’s business but the couple and is becoming outdated due to woman’s empowerment. It’s a good thing.

Body Truth; Do you know about your own body?


sun-ten-pink-label chinese-herbal-medicine teapot

Everyone walks around in their body 24/7 yet know very little or think it’s too complicated to figure out. I’m supposed to know something about my car, my house, the grocery store, my money and food, drugs, how to drive, the highway system, office politics, and the holidays, but knowledge about my body, or the care of it? That is someone else’s job; the physician.

Isn’t that a little suspicious?

I am in my body and Mind 24/7…but someone else knows more than me about how I work? I’m an individual.  No one is exactly like me.  Everyone is unique.  A doctor, a shrink, a counselor…knows MORE than you?  Because…they’re smarter?

Do you know your own house, clothes closet, car, and garage pretty well?  But you’re not in those 24/7.

Do you know your own kids pretty well?  But you’re not with them 24/7.

Do you know your way to work?  But you don’t make that trip 24/7.

Where is your liver in your body?  Where are your kidneys?  Where is your pancreas?

Where is your underwear drawer?  Where are your kids?  Where is your bank?

What’s in your blood?  Where is blood made in the body?  What vitamins and minerals are essential to the function of your brain?

Take ownership.  You own a car, maybe a home, things, a bank account-all superficial. The most important thing you have is a body and thus a Mind.  No doctor, pastor, priest, or teacher knows more about you than you do.  I feel it’s just as important for small children to learn basic anatomy and all the functions of the body along with reading and writing. They need to understand early on how the cells of their body work, what’s in them and what’s not in them.  It’s not that hard and it’s essential to understand your own nature so you can be empowered to heal yourself as your grow.  You learn to brush your teeth, get dressed, walk, read, write, speak, and take care of your own body.  You know how to balance your bank account, pay bills, do chores, and heal!

If anyone is more interested in basic anatomy or even what you can do to deal with viruses and colds with herbs, meditation, etc., let me know.  I may start a little educational series on here.  As a Reiki master and Master Herbalist, I don’t approach the body the way Prevention Magazine or WebMD does.  I promise you that.

Essay; The Feminine Word Equivalent to the Masculine Word, “Emasculate”


It’s time for this conversation.  So the first emotional, resistant response from blogger “Anonymous”: on here was this;

Was hoping to find an answer to an interesting quirk of language, but instead found a rambling, borderline nonsensical Feminist rant about gender roles.

I’ll do you a favor; TL; Dr. Is there a female equivalent to the word ’emasculate’? Answer, No.”

 

He says he’s doing me a favor with this hateful reply.  What do you think? So, here we have one confirmation of a male who cannot fathom being equal with a good woman. At least he put some emotion into it, but he made quite a few spelling mistakes.

The word emasculates, as we all know, means to deprive a man of his male role or identity.  Strong, justice-oriented women who have self-esteem and know their power are ridiculed for doing this to men, no matter what the men have done to women.  They can do whatever they want to women and she’s supposed to take it and not ask for respect?  Sounds like a Christian, Republican, Trump voter. Most men, I don’t believe, are like this, but many are.

What would be the word for depriving a woman of her female role or identity?  Below, the word “defeminate” is suggested but I don’t believe it’s caught on.  It doesn’t really roll off the tongue, no sexual suggestion intended.  This word actually sounds similar to defemate.

Dr. Mary Stopes described here in Margaret Jackson’s The Real Facts of Life: Feminism and the Politics of Sexuality, c1850-1940:

enter image description here

What about “efeminate”?  This word is more of a direct correlation with the word “emasculate”.

Well, we can banter about “defeminate” or “efeminate” or take a poll. The real work will be to define what it means to deprive a woman of her female role?  My visceral response to this, which I feel is realistic, is that women don’t have “a role”.  Women have advanced so far, because of our choices and willingness to work for it, that it is common knowledge that we can be whatever we want to be and do whatever we want to do, or not do!  Every woman’s personality is different as well, so how she expresses her femininity is unique.

There is very little social pressure on women anymore to be married or to be mothers. That said, I see that the instinct is still there in our bodies which can cause a lot of conflict with our minds.  It is entirely socially acceptable for a woman to have her own property, money, job and no family.  Maybe she just has a job and friends and has casual sexual relations with men and women!  No one cares anymore.  It’s just important to honor yourself and be healthy and happy.

Feminism and women’s liberation has brought us to this point.  If a woman has her life organized and has money, she can hire a handy male or female to do whatever work she needs to be done around her house; yard work, snow blowing, construction, painting, you name it.  If she’s intelligent, why would she waste her time doing work that she can pay someone else to do who is good at it!  She has her own work to do in her quiet, clean house that does not have a man stomping around, causing a ruckus, watching sports, and being noisy and disrespectful.  She is no one’s territory. She belongs to herself and her spiritual life.

The way I see it is, men with their polyamorous proclivities, innately wired into their brains to sleep with as many women as they can and get an ego brush from making as many women scream as they can, have whored themselves for millennia now.  They don’t seem to be interested in Love or Bonding which has secured life for women and children for millennia as well.  Love and Bonding are our bedrock.  Many men can’t feel it nor do they operate that way.  Sure, the man may feign loyalty, get married, put a ring on the fourth finger and become a father, but most women believe that it is in his nature to fuck as many women or men as he can before he dies.  It’s not his mandate to love as many women as he can before he dies or love one woman as much as he can before he dies. There are enlightened men in the minority, but it’s not the norm.  This is despite his religious or spiritual beliefs.  Nature always trumps belief folks.  If ya gotta go, ya gotta go.  Sex is no different for men.

It is different for women.  The sexes are not equal yet.  Women understand heart and relationship, children and home, business and money, assertiveness and organization, and leadership, we are the dominant species on the planet.  Love trumps hate and usage. Love trumps whoring your body for shallow, nonbonded sex.  Love trumps patriarchal objectification of women.  Love and bonding trump superficial sex just for an orgasm. Friendship is the highest bond there is.  Spirituality with Love, during sex, trumps giving it away with no bonding.  When most men find out that a woman loves herself this much, and they can’t measure up, they’re out the door for the next porn flick or booty call because they’re not willing to be a good student and eventually love in reciprocation.

If a user male somehow manipulates that love from us, there will be righteous indignation completely justified. Our bodies and our souls embody Love.  This is a huge planetary reality that weaves throughout nature.  Women’s bodies are synced with the Earth, Moon, and stars.  We can be no other way.  If a man wants to learn the way of all flesh on Earth, he will listen to and follow the woman and attempt to raise himself up to be her equal.  Women have raised their minds up, why can’t men raise their bodies up?  In return, she will love him with loyalty and adoration.  That’s the best thing he’ll ever be able to achieve in this life.  I know it’s just an ideal.  It’s not really happening.

The day men help us instead of hinder us caused by making more mess and noise on the planet is the day there is more peace on earth.  But they don’t like peace.  They like to blow stuff up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Essay; Middle Age Dating


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I’m fifty-six.  My twenty-year-old son says, “Mom, you’re such a hippie”. Well, sort of. The birth years for hippies are 1945-1965 so I was born at the tail end; in 1963.

But if you sat in the middle west in a Christian church, surrounded by white people and Republicans, you didn’t get the hippie memos about loving each other. You only got the memos about marrying a nice girl or guy, only having sex if you’re married, only having sex to breed children, sex is generally sin because the body is sinful, anal sex is sinful, earn money, wives be submissive to your husband, and obey your parents. I’m sorry, but you’re not hippie material.

I never thought I was a big hippie but here I am, totally holistic, spiritual, having set aside my Christian upbringing, healthy, happy, into free jazz, educated, mouthy, empowered, and I want to have sex every day and enjoy it! All that happiness and freedom-yes, I guess I am a late-stage hippie. I know all about responsibility.  I have a mortgage and bills, a child, and work.  That’s all a joy to me because I’ve created a life I love and I’ve always been monogamous. I can barely juggle one man let alone several!

So, what is the emotional hang-up of men my age that want to get married? Why would you get married in middle age when you are no longer going to have children? For men; status. It’s a measure of success that you’ve been happily married and have well-adjusted kids. The point of marriage is for the woman to corral a good man to be the father of her children in her child-bearing years. Otherwise, there is no good reason to be married. Love is not a reason for marriage. Marriage is only a legal contract. If love was the reason for marriage the divorce rate would not be so high. Millions of people are in loving, monogamous (or not), relationships and love each other. Marriage functions for the security of the childbearing woman and their children in a patriarchal system and that’s it.

Men who want to get married a second time “to fix” the failures they think they made as a husband and father are barking up the wrong tree. First of all, it’s not all your fault. It takes two to tango. Second, you need to let the past go. You can’t fix it, you can only learn from it. Third, your time is better spent learning how to love. No doubt, part of the reason your marriage failed is that you did not love your mate or yourself.

Real love is attentiveness, kind tone of voice, affection, patience, communication, expressing how you feel, nurture, empowerment and freedom to be yourself.  Not because the Bible tells you to do it but because Life shows you that.  It’s IN you.  Mates are supposed to learn from one another and be good students to one another!  That’s one of the main reasons for the bond.

I don’t plan on getting married again. Middle age women usually don’t. If you want to get a good woman’s attention, take care of yourself, express your feelings, be willing to learn how to heart bond, and prepare yourself for a lot of happy sex because there is no chance of pregnancy for the woman. We are finally free!

 

Essay; Men Have Feelings During Sex


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WHAT?  Seriously?

I read this article two days ago because I’m trying to figure something out.

Sex Reveals His True Feelings

My jaw was dropping open as I read it.  I’m not sure I believe it but it is from “The Huffington Post” and the fellow sounded sincere.  Then I discussed it with some women. They concur they do believe men have actual “feelings” about their woman’s body that can be poetic, dramatic, and deep. The women don’t understand it or necessarily believe it either, but they do believe men have feelings too. But during sex? Because of our bodies?

My mind is blown. No man I’ve ever been with has expressed himself in a poetic way to me about my body. I’m not saying they haven’t conjectured it or that I’m not hot enough to have been with hot guys. I have! But they have not expressed themselves to me about how they feel about these things. Why? I’ve gotten compliments about certain parts and of course the lusty chasing after me and wanting intimacy which a woman assumes means, the man is into her.

We call some of this lustiness from men objectification of women. It’s not really fair, is it?  If we’re straight, we love a man to love us. We need a man to take care of business. But why is feeling emotional and lusting after a woman’s body objectification when it’s nature? The men probably call it art…or love, or passion. If they do not feel passionate about a woman’s body, then what? Maybe they are gay or just not that into her, or have a different kind of brain that changes their libido…like high functioning autistic men.

It’s called objectification if the guy doesn’t care what you think or how you feel. I care more about how a man thinks and feels (and acts) than how he looks or his money. In fact, his mind is what absolutely turns me on, far more than his body. I don’t know how many women are like me. His tone of voice and the timbre of his voice is the other turn on. I do believe most women are like that regarding a man’s voice. I think our brains are helping us pick the right man to be the father of our children when we’re young. After fifty that all changes. But continuing on about men’s feelings.

The author writes, “When a man is having sex, there’s a rush of emotions. When he sees a beautiful woman underneath him or a beautiful woman on top of him, he gets lost in his sensations.”

WHAT?

I didn’t get the memo.  I really didn’t.

He goes on to say, “Most of the time, the minute he’s released he realizes what he’s said. Then he thinks, “Oh my god, what did I say? I can’t believe I said all those things. I don’t really feel those things. I can’t believe I told her how much I love her, and how much I want to be with her!”

WHAT?  Now, your fellow didn’t actually say this, but his “way” and his thoughts did, is what this author is saying. Well, how about that. I am certainly in a dark forest here guys. I wonder how many other women are?

The author finally says, “Our real feelings come out after the sex. I want you to remember that. I’d like you to pass along this blog to every single woman you know out there. Call it ‘dating insurance’. Make sure he has feelings for you after sex — before you commit your heart

WHAT?

I mean…where does it end?  Is this guy high or is this true to the men out there? The mystery of it all.

 

Body Truth; Bruce Lipton’s book “The Biology of Belief”


The Biology of Belief

I read Bruce’s 1st edition of this book several years ago when it came out and now finished his latest one with changes just now.  I recommend this new 10th Anniversary Edition.

I was reading it because I’m writing my own book that is a memoir encompassing the first half of my life, with the theme of synchronicity cues I saw throughout my life that helped me navigate family and relationship scenarios.  His recent research on epigenetics and the subconscious mind really opened up another panorama for me as I was raised in a genealogically myopic family.  Ancestry was a very big deal.  It was all well-intended, not to be elitist or biased in any way, as my family heartily embraces other cultures.  But it was still overkill.

In my family, I think the purpose was to sweep some skeletons back into their graves; to portray a picture of our family as better than it was in terms of behavior.  This is nothing new.  Welcome to the human family on this planet!  Everyone wants others to believe they’re better than the other guy, that their family is somehow exceptional.  God, it’s nauseating.

So, here’s the new deal though.  Bruce has scientific study upon a scientific study showing that we are in the 2:98 ratio.  Meaning, 2% of our DNA is from our family and 98% of our DNA is from our environment.  What we hear, learn, see, speak, do, pick up like a sponge and imprint on and continue to morph ourselves on is mostly what makes us who we are.  Your DNA keeps changing after birth and throughout your life.  DNA is not static; it’s active!  Your birth genes are practically squat.  All they did was give you a blueprint for your body, but they don’t control your body.  That’s the first breakthrough.  YOWSA!!  Right?

The 2nd big piece of news is that again, tons of studies have shown that your subconscious mind, as a baby, and even pre-conception, conception, prenatal, and early post-natal are completely formed by your mother and father.  Holy crap Batman, we are SCREWED!  Right? No.  You still have a conscious mind and free will, if you use it and activate it.  What your mother thought, felt, watched, said, experienced, ate, the people she hung around, imprinted your subconscious mind that you have no control over and cannot change.  I thought I was going to fall off of my chair when I read that.  The best thing you can do with this is create a good power-sharing relationship between your conscious self (your will) and your subconscious mind (your programming).

Now, before we all panic, do you really know your facts here?  What year were you born? Now go back 12 months (or so) and FIND OUT, if you don’t already know, what your mother was doing, thinking, feeling, and experienced a few months before you were conceived, and then when you were in utero.  That is if you can. This is big information for you because the way it works is, when you as a personality are not consciously picking your life today, willing the way you want things to go, making decisions, etc., you mind relaxes into vigilant subconscious mode, which  you are not in the least aware of, controlled by…your parents.  Holy crap!!  This is frightening to me. When you wonder why you do something that you did not choose…look at your parents.  You imprinted on it like a sponge in utero!  It’s not your fault and you can’t change it.

I was born in 1963.  My mother’s conscious mind, while I was in utero was in the 1950’s world.  That is accurate.  My house today tends to be retro, I’m traditional, love baking, homemaking, cooking, gardening, eating, Leave it To Beaver nauseating stuff feels natural to me.  I can’t help it!  My conscious, birth personality is the opposite, thank god.  I’m a free spirit gypsy, end of the line hippie, artist, dreamer, holistic, musician.  Ah…that’s better.  June Cleaver with hippie flowers and peace sign tattooed on her back is more like it.  I will be going toward that light from now on.

So, if you want to understand yourself better, take your birth year and go backwards into your mother’s time, her way of thinking, and what mindset she was in when you were in her and you will find some BIG answers.  Secondary to her is your father and then all the others in the home and others around them.

 

 

Essay; Sad and Sorry…Pivoted


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I was just, in the flow of things, feeling sad and sorry today thinking about the fact that we are heading into the Memorial Day weekend and I am mate-less because he died March 13th.  That could make you feel sorry for me in and of itself, especially since he was my soul mate but that is leveling itself out now that we’re in May in Michigan.

Michael, my mate, who was going to be my fiance, is still with me. Ashes scattered in the garden, we are absolutely, telepathically connected. He’s with me all the time, still learning on the other side, we continue to teach each other, and he’s trying to earn his wings and climb the spiritual ladder. So, that’s all good, but that’s not the theme here.

I was feeling very down today until my patient came to get her medical massage and asked how I was.  Essentially I said, “Meh” (I didn’t precisely say that) and she asked me why.  I told her I miss Michael and we always had great fun at the holiday, shopping, cooking out, blah, blah, blah, all the traditional things. I’m not marching from grave to grave this year with flowers due to the many people around me that have died this year.

She counters and says, “I’m married and have a big family and I just want to be by myself. I don’t want to do any gatherings! You’re lucky!” She’s the third woman in the last week who has said she wants to be alone! When patients walk into my office to get a medical massage, they always tell me the truth about how they feel.

I wonder what is going on? Other women are telling me that men they know are dying suddenly and they’ve been to too many funerals. For real. Guys…you may want to put your best foot forward these days before the Light sucks you into its eternal vortex. Because lately, on this planet, we women like to be alone.  If you’re not here to help and to love…well…

I’m not wishing it!  I’m just observing what’s going on.

 

 

Body Truth; “Hand Over Your Body!”


In 2012, the US spent an average of $8,915 per person on health care, reaching a total of $2.8 trillion.  Wow.  I’ve been gauging the tone of social media and TV media for people’s feelings about their health, healthcare, physicians, and wellness.  I believe we may be reaching a saturation point with the public’s patience toward the current debacle of our healthcare system.  It’s too expensive and many times doesn’t work to correct the problem, even though you’re paying a high price for it.

It is somewhat ironic that while the Federal Government is gleeful about fourteen million? newly enrolled citizens in the Affordable Care Act Insurance exchanges, all I hear in my office, in person-to-person appointments with other professionals, and on the street is disdain for Obama care.  It’s a mandate!  Not only that, a mandate toward how you are to care for YOUR OWN BODY!  The federal government is going to make me pay an exorbitant amount per month for “what if” health insurance in a system that doesn’t even really cover services according to my holistic values?  It’s supposed to, but it’s not. It’s in the law, but the insurance companies aren’t heeding it.

In 2009, the last time the N.I.H. (National Institute of Health) checked, Americans spent $34 billion dollars on holistic medicine in that year.  That was ten years ago.  We’ve all gotten busier in my field. Massage Therapists in Michigan finally got a license!  I’m guessing that amount is $40 billion now.  It’s going to go up.  Why?  Because one thing psychologists know about human behavior is that people like to feel their own power but then they get scared of their own power, like a child. People like to feel that they have a choice. They like to know that they are in control of their own destiny. On the other hand, it’s a little too late for some people. They’ve trashed their body and mind, battle by battle in the war on their body. Then allopathic care is perfect for them. I think the federal government. knows that, the insurance companies know that, and they’re going to make sick people, addicted people, and people who have not taken care of themselves pay for that. I’m not going to pay for that. I’ve practiced preventative medicine my whole life. I’ve worked out my whole life. I’m sober; addicted to nothing. The physical things I have to work on, I’m working on.

The main thing stopping healthy people now, with regard to their own body, is education about HOW? their body works. They believe that the healthcare practitioner holds all the cards because we’ve been trained in the body and it’s complicated.  Well…it is. I studied just the anatomy and function of all the soft tissues of the body for 3.5 years with some smattering of organ function here and there. I am an expert on how your muscles, ligaments, tendons, and nerves work in your body and how they interact with everything else in the body. That’s valuable information because that makes up most of your body! But, I can condense it and teach you some. You don’t need to know every bit. You just need to know what your options are based on some basic facts that no doctor is going to tell you.

Mostly, you need to know how to do self-healing, how to focus the mind, and understand how your mind does indeed manifest in who you are and how your body functions.  You do have full control if you take it and use it.

Body Truth; size bias has changed so much in six years


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“Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…”-J.K. Rowling

Thin privilege means you’ve proven that you have control over your appetites and just live a healthy good life.  If you force yourself, in any manner possible, to be thin, you have the privilege of hovering over others who are not thin and believing you’re better than them because you control your life, your mind, and your body size at all costs to gain an advantage in every way.  What society and media have done is cover over their addiction to money, sex, fancy houses, food, drugs, etc., because they have no connection to Source/spirituality.  They are using having a thin body as the token for being “in control” of themselves.

However, if you dig a little deeper in thin, rich people’s lives, you’ll see all kinds of things out of control that they are hiding.  They’re playing the materialist game and it will at some point, come tumbling down.  No one on this planet is immune to control issues.  And no one has the right to assert that they are better or of more value on the planet because they can appear to be.  All the world’s a stage and they are certainly the players.  So what they assert is that anyone who is thick and fluffy, for whatever reason, doesn’t matter as much, is not “in control” of themselves, should not make as much money, and are below the thin people in every way.  I don’t think so. Attitudes are changing now.

I’ve already achieved two of my dreams; having a child, and having my own healing practice. I’m convinced, and I’ve heard firsthand accounts from those who have been heavy and are now thin, that when a woman loses weight, her value and amount of “attention and affirmation” go up astronomically from others.  Thin privilege is real.  Some guys say it doesn’t matter when they’re feeling all warm in their heart.  But that’s only one-eighth of the time that they’re feeling warm in their heart.  The rest of the time they’re a stray dog looking for a b….. to hump.  Then it matters! Size usually doesn’t matter to cat-type men, only to the dogs.

Thin, toned women function to easily fulfill the sexual appetite of men or women mostly, in my opinion. Let’s face it. Sex can go quicker, is more intense, you can move better and it’s all pretty animalistic when you’re small.  Thick people have great sex too. I’m not asserting we don’t, but it takes longer. The men get their grounding through the woman, use her, and throw her-sort of like a dementor in Harry Potter when they can get it quickly.  Fat women are self-contained and ground themselves with love through their thickness. The weight pulls on gravity which helps us center our energy like a magnet.  It’s just a theory.  My son said to me, “It seems like fat people are happier Mom”.  Lol. Maybe we’re calmer, less stressed out because we aren’t competing so much or we’re just less materialistic and superficial.  I don’t know.

It’s a diabolical fact in our society that fat people are treated like lepers. It’s because of patriarchy and capitalism. Fat people are offensive to patriarchal men and women.  We’re paid less, viewed as lazy or stupid, unhealthy, an insurance risk, and not touched as much. My ex-husband asked me to lose weight “for him”. That means he was a dog-type man looking for a bitch, which I was not. The whole notion is so incredibly nauseating at how superficial and conditional people are in their acceptance of others. One of my old friends lost a TON of weight (she was bigger than me), and she seems most unhappy now that she’s thin. Sure, physically it’s easier to move, but now she’s realizing what she was hiding from when she was overweight and I think it’s getting to her. She was hiding from superficial bullshit and predatory males!  The same thing happened to my older sister. It’s obvious to me that it’s too easy for women to lose themselves in relationships, others, their kids, their community and ignore their body and their emotional and spiritual needs.

It’s too easy for men to lose themselves in sex, toys, money, and immediate gratification. It turns some men on when a woman loves herself, knows her own mind and needs and loves her body no matter what size it is. I’ve been all sizes in my life. While I’ve been a Mom, I’ve felt very comfy in a thicker body. But now that my son is grown and I want to zip around from 56-104 years old, I think my bones will hold up better if I lighten the load. That said, I’m not going to parade around a different size body like it’s a trophy which degrades those that choose to stay in a thicker body!  To each his own.

For me, I respect a man so much if he can control any of his appetites and learn to spend time with a woman and love a woman in a relationship as a friend. If he can’t, I don’t respect him, no matter how good looking he is, how many degrees he has, money and accolades to boot. Men are going to have to face the fact that unless they can bond monogamously with the woman that really loves and digs him, he’s a failure in societies eyes.

Re-Program; Prejudice Toward Fat People


I have been a clinical massage therapist for 11 years.   I have worked on thousands of bodies, all body types, male and female.  I had one young female patient ask me once, “Do you ever hate someone’s body?”  Wow.  “No”.  That would be a bit incongruous with being a healer, don’t you think?  Yet, Dr. David Katz, M.D., a fairly well-read and popular doctor, wrote this great article for Huffington Post on obesity bias in healthcare.  Please read it before you go on.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-katz-md/obesity-bias_b_3193410.html

He doesn’t support obesity bias either and is calling for an end to it.  I don’t think he delves quite far enough though.  He cites the surveys that have been done in the healthcare profession that show that a good percentage of professionals feel revulsion, disgust, prejudice, bias, and emotional disgust when dealing with fat patients.  They have an emotional response toward large amounts of adipose tissue.  Even people who are fairly large themselves will express revulsion at those with even more adipose tissue than them, feeling that they are superior because “at least they’re not THAT fat!”  Everyone says, “But come ON!  It’s SO unhealthy!!!!” Practitioners in holistic health think that a thin vegetarian might live forever whereas a carnivorous fat person will probably die at 55.  It doesn’t matter whether you’re happy or not?  Frankly, I see clinical studies going both ways.  I dated a fellow who is built large, but he was fit.  He had lost a lot of weight too quickly and suffered for it.  The doctor couldn’t re-align his internal organs for him so he was in pain.  I’m on the scientific fence on this issue.  I think it’s healthier to be happy than to be a people pleaser for superficial reasons. Yo-Yo dieting and intolerance of yourself and others is more unhealthy.  Casting yourself into an elite, “beautiful people group” and exercising 2 hours a day, 5 days a week and dissing others is supremely unhealthy in a myriad of ways…and not cool.  Some big people work out 5 days a week and are still big!

Diabetes is unhealthy.  So is having cancer.  So is having 3rd degree burns all over your body.  But you don’t hear people emotionally exclaim, with disgust, “Your 3rd degree burns repulse me.  Get away from me.”  “Your cancer repulses me.  That’s it.  You’re going to be punished!  We are going to pay you less.  What’s the problem?  We are going to call you names.  We don’t want you to work here.  We are going to laugh at you.  We are going to kick you off the airplane because you have something “different” going on in your body than I do.”  Yes, people have a fear of being around the vibes of illness, especially cancer.  But they don’t have a judgmental bias toward sick people.  For the most part, they have compassion and are supportive.  Yet you continue to hear the social cover-up that belies hypocrisy to obesity, “But it so unhealthy!”  You know there is something deeper going on than a health issue.  What’s going on is BODY TYPE INTOLERANCE.  The person judging needs others to look like them.  That’s messed up.  And it’s very weak.  It’s even vampirism.

You don’t hear people say, “Your pancreatitis repulses me. Get away from me”. Acceptable disease bias does not routinely exist.  But excess adipose tissue gets this special place on the rung of “body alignments” that serves as a social whipping post for thin people or even people who just have body/eating disorders.

It’s social intolerance!~  It’s Projection 101 from the person that has a bad self-body image. If you stigmatize or have emotional (intolerance) about obesity, frankly, you have a body image problem of your own and you really need to admit it to yourself and leave everyone else alone.  Talk to someone who you can trust.  Get some help. You likely have an eating disorder no matter what your body size.  It’s not just very thin people who have eating disorders.  You don’t like yourself no matter what size you are.  What addiction are you indulging in to cope with your self-loathing?  It’s an epidemic.  And it’s socially sanctioned.

It manifests socially as Xenophobia-not liking people who look different from you because you are so insecure.  That’s as old as the hills.  It’s what starts wars.  It’s the cause of divorce.  It’s the way criminals and predators are.  They feel like victims, so they victimize others.  It’s also a symptom of the scarcity model that underpins Capitalism.  Capitalism thrives on the economic caste system.  God Bless America.

Personally, I have been all body sizes.  When I was a teenager (18-19) I was a size 9 and weighed 135.  I was not happy for other reasons.  When I was in my 20’s I was a size 12.  I was not happy for other reasons.  After I had my baby at 36, I was at 170 and was a size 14-16.  I was happy because I had my baby.  And I loved having a cushy, mama marshmallow body. Then, in my very bad, stressful marriage where I was attacked verbally and emotionally and had to defend myself all the time, I got up to size 24.  I’ve been divorced for nine years and now I’m back down to a size 14 and going down and settling down, and dealing with the kind of sensitive person I am.  Because I want to bounce around for the next fifty years and to save my joints, I’m working out every day and eating healthy.  But I feel good no matter what and I get A’s on my yearly physical.

My point is, at all times, I kept moving forward, had sex, was told I was gorgeous, had men pawing on me, and succeeded at whatever I wanted to.  It was not due to the size I was.  It was due to the fact that I am the Queen of my body and my mind and I think I’m hot stuff.  I see how everyone has a “hot side”.  I love all people.  I support every woman and man to feel the same way about themselves.  I felt comfy sitting in my marshmallow padding getting very intellectual in college and graduating magna cum laude.  That’s what I wanted!  I didn’t WANT to be small and bouncy.  My plush body served my purposes then.  And it serves my purposes now at size 18.  When you look at cushy people, know that it’s serving their life purposes right now or they’d be different.

People have the right to have the size body they need at the time, when they need it, for their own personal reasons.  When they want to change it THEY WILL, for their own reasons!  Or, if they don’t want to, THEY WON’T, for their own reasons.  You do not have the right to project your self-loathing and judgment, and teasing onto them, then justify it by saying, “But it’s SO unhealthy!”  They won’t be changing themselves TO PLEASE YOU, WHO ARE UNCOMFORTABLE with yourself no matter what size you are!

This culture needs to stop scapegoating fat people, start loving themselves and taking care of themselves at ALL stages in their body. The health and happiness of your body are in your hands.  It’s not in your spouse’s hands, your doctor’s hands, your kids hands, your parent’s hands, or the pastor’s hands.  What you feel in your body is what matters most.  It’s your body!

Everyone is different.  Everyone has a story.  Everyone has different needs.  Be cool.