Essay; Friend-Zoning in Relationships


Between-Men-And-Women-There-Male-Female-Friendship-Quotes

Spoken by a man. A woman would never say this and some men wouldn’t say it.

I think Oscar Wilde was old school. We’ve all been friend-zoned and it is possible. It’s much easier to be friends with a gay man than a straight man and vice versa for men for obvious reasons.

If a man is attracted to me, maybe he actually hit on me and tried to set up a “hook-up” as opposed to a date. Being a woman, I lean towards a date to keep things at a human level as opposed to the meat market level. A “hook-up” is giving in to the guy’s low standards or no standards of relationship. They might not see it that way but I/we do. Many women today do give in to it and use men for sex only also. Patriarchy has taught women to do that. It’s the man’s way, not the woman’s way and can be considered realistic or cynical depending on your perception.

As a woman, I’m actually looking for the friend-zone with a straight guy I’m attracted to so we can be lovers. Men think women friend-zone them if they’re not interested in sex because that’s what men do to women but that’s not the case when a woman has high standards but isn’t into possession. Men friend zone women that;

A. They are not attracted to.

B. They’re attracted to but she won’t have sex with him quick enough.

I’ve been friend-zoned by my Twin Flame based on several infractions actually, but I don’t want to get into it because he makes me mad.  I hurt his feelings. I get it. But I apologized and he has not accepted and maybe will not forgive me. See; cold-hearted.

Will a man accept friend/lover? Or do they have to have P/P.; either a prostitute or possession? Meaning, does a man have to think, “You let me have you too quick like a prostitute, I got my jollies, even though that’s what I wanted, so now I drop you.” or “I adore your body and you and I’m in love with you, let’s be a couple.”

My point is, women, WANT the friend-zone with a straight man they like. Most of us require it or we’re not turned on. We’re relational. Men don’t want the friend-zone because…they’re turned on by meanness and their own power trip, not niceness? Relational makes them limp? I think so but I’m not sure. It’s a jungle out there.

 

“The Family”-On Netflix


I recommend this very wild documentary on Netflix. It’s about the enmeshment of church and state and how this right-wing, Republican Christian cult called The Fellowship has an invisible, powerful influence on Washington and undermines democracy internationally at this present time. It’s unconstitutional and abridges the 1st amendment. Its leader was Doug Coe. They’ve spread evangelism to Russia which is why Putin is an ally to Republicans. Russia has a Christian prayer breakfast too to keep white men on top which they are trying to spread internationally.
They’re called “The Family” and believe they are chosen by God to lead the government…until they fall in love with a woman and have an affair. 😀 It’s unbelievably adolescent. They can do anything they want like an untouchable until the media gets on it. The territorial wagons of marriage and monogamy in the name of Jesus secure nothing. They are free to be polyamorous. This is white male patriarchy upheld by religion and it feeds on women and children to this day.
Our fledgling democracy is still unconstitutional. Our tax dollars are given to these people. A Bible in one hand and a gun in the other. They are the sponsor of the National Prayer Breakfast annually. It privileges Christianity and it’s illegal. Their motto is “Jesus Christ. Nothing else.” The truth is they are nothing, phony, foolish, and certainly not a correct representation of Jesus and…they build relationships with violent dictators and terrorists. In addition, they support killing LGBT. Go to this link to read about the 1st amendment to the Constitution on the separation of church and state and do check out this great documentary. It’s about three hours long. I was glued to the screen.

Essay; I’m Sort of Training Him


zooskHe’s acting more like a human being than a dog in heat now through my gentle instruction. I’m teaching him how to treat me which I think all men need. Yes it makes them high maintenance but some of them are so dang cute, I do bother with it.  Still, this guy is a live wire. Good thing I guess because I tend to be too. For my young readers, we’re in our late 50’s and sex gets hotter not less hot, just for the record. There is plenty of libidos there. I’ve been through this too many times with men not to know what’s going on.

Men are very emotional; far more than women yet they have no societal permission to express it. They express it through sexuality if given the opportunity. I accept it now. I’ve seen it so many times that it would be like asking a dog not to bark or a baby not to cry. Men are lusty.

Some cultures also have the matriarchal thing going on where the man’s mother either adored him too much and never emotionally let him go or the opposite. Either way, it messes with a man’s intimacy wiring. He is a very handsome Hispanic, very foxy, super hot lips and…everything. But I’ve heard the Hispanic mothers love their children more than any man or anything in the world. Maybe the adoration is over the top and the males can’t bring themselves to be truly intimate with another woman; a heart bond specifically.

Once again, he has children but never married. I’m only hearing this on Zoosk from the Hispanic men. Interesting. Holy crap, as a white woman, I try to fathom HOW? a man can have three children with a woman and never love her enough or the family enough to marry her? And why would a woman do that with a man? In the white culture, we’re taught that you owe it to the woman and children to show your loyalty, support, and presence for her and the children through that ritual and then you’re monogamous during that time. My followers know I don’t believe marriages last and that’s nature, but while you’re young and have a family, I do believe you need to be married. I’m thinking these men have yet to ground their emotional independence from mother and family and thus, they can barely begin or ground their own family. Sounds tragic to me and is quite enlightening.

I need a heart bond with a man or I’ll find my lusty self using his ass. See, that’s what’s unfair! So say we do have hot sex. He cannot think, by a long stretch, that he, or I, are in love with each other and circle wagons around me. So then you’re in that territory and someone will get hurt because there is some kind of intense attachment there because of the sex but it’s not love. I know that but I don’t think he will.

I know we have nothing in common. I know he’s not my type in terms of personality. I am reminded of the line from Bernadette on Big Bang Theory when she was chatting with Penny in her room about having a hookup. She said with a huge smile on her face, “You mean like having your way with him and throwing him to the curb with teeth marks on his hiney?” Penny says, “I’m not going to do that!” But then she changes her mind. That’s what being horny does to us and we don’t prefer doing it. Yes, we like hot sex as much as men but it starts to complicate things.

I just don’t know. My twin flame emailed me back this morning and he was such a brat. He either treats me like a queen or like he acts like he hates me and won’t forgive the missteps when I was out there. Seriously, what is that?? He is resisting his feelings for me I think and because I’m in love with him and he knows it, I’m not going away. He can push all he wants, like until we die and I’ll see him on the other side.

Then I live with unrequited love. I have no control over a man’s heart and I have no control over who I love and who I don’t. It just follows nature, like my body. What should I do? Will a liaison with this Zoosk guy mess up the vibe with my Twin Flame? My intuition says it might. But I’m not one to live with unrequited love either.

Essay; He asks, “Do you show your cleavage?”


zooskI’m not renewing when this subscription is up. Bunch of losers. Isn’t there enough porn online without treating good women who are looking for good company like prostitutes?

Once again, he’s pretty good looking, has a good job, blah, blah, blah. Butters me up and says, “Hi beautiful”. I haven’t met this chap in person yet. I’m not a prude once I like someone but you guys make a huge mistake not just hiring a prostitute for a hookup and wasting the time of good, smart women. If you are a slut, have no self-esteem and are an active addict, do us a favor and leave us alone. You need to hire a woman. We don’t want you because you don’t want yourself.

He wants mostly sex pictures and to talk because he’s lonely away from home at his job site. He asked to see my cleavage today, which is perfectly fine and adequate by the way. MY MIND is even better but he’s not interested in that. Haven’t you guys gotten the memo that the human mind is the biggest sex organ? He can take my word for it. Not even so much as a “Howdy ma’am” or “How are you?” Just, right to the point of his buttering me up. He’s toast and I’ll give him his butter back to put on it.

Essay; A Woman Changing Her Body Size


zoosk
ZOOSK.

We all know it’s a power and culture issue for a woman or man to change in body size; smaller or bigger. Think about what that says about human behavior. We’re animals. Animal dominance in the wild is based on size, usually, the bigger one being dominant. But that’s not the case in human society because the demands in our environment to survive are different than animals in the wild.

In human society, youth and speed are prized as well as flexibility, at least by the white culture. I’ve noticed on Zoosk that the handsome white men don’t chat me up and they have fairly desirable characteristics. After talking to my friend Gia who is black, she told me she thought I was black. She’s only seen my pictures, not me in person. But it is definitely true that black men have predominantly been attracted to me throughout my life and on Zoosk. I thought it was caused by my personality being a strong woman, not my body size or look. I think I was wrong. My skin is pretty white. I guess my features aren’t. Chalk one up for denial.

I love the black culture but I was raised as whitey white as can be! I don’t fit well in the white culture though. I grant everyone that. Still, three of my best friends are white women and three of my other besties are black. I guess I’m culturally both!

I’ve noticed that handsome white men prefer soft, docile blonde women and everyone else goes for dark-haired, strong women. So Arab, Indian, and Black men chat me up on FB but not Hispanic men. What’s that about? They are more macho I think and prefer a traditional hetero role for women while they’re free to run about? I really don’t know. I’ve never been married to or dated a Hispanic man but my twin flame is Hispanic. Is he dragging his feet because our cultures are so different?

He made a comment while I was out there, “I’m as Mexican as can be ya know. I’m not like a white man.” What the hell is that supposed to mean O enlightened one? I don’t care about that. I like the Hispanic culture too! My breasts are female and adequate and men are men. You would think that would suffice? Then there’s the fact that he is Spanish heritage based on his last name so he is European! He looks it too. Sheesh. So he doesn’t have any feelings for me because to HIM, I’m white and he definitely rags on the white culture? Maybe. I can’t win. Then he’s not awake. I hate all of this human superficiality so much and really, never paid any attention to it growing up so I think I’m behind on what “I’m supposed to know”. I never wanted to get married so I didn’t pay any attention! That and my family accepted all different cultures; especially my grandparents.

I don’t know what changing body size is going to say about me culturally but I resent being aware of it at all! I just wanted to be healthier. I don’t want to believe I will all of a sudden be acceptable in the white culture because I’m thin and beautiful but I think that is how superficial people are. And then will I be resented by my black friends in whose culture it’s expected that women are fluffy? And to my twin flame, god only knows.

Size bias and culture are fascinating and I have no answers. I just see the behaviors and find it odd. I’m getting too many comments about my looks on social media as opposed to my content. Makes me mad. That doesn’t happen to men. I’m happy to hear your comments and I’m going to stop thinking about it. I will be taking notes though as I shrink and I am shrinking fast.

I’ll have to come up with a way to give a verbal boundary. No doubt, it will make me sound like a grumpy bitch but I don’t care. I think people need to be made aware of their double standard comments regarding looks for women and men and cut it out. What about humans loving each other no matter what??

Essay; You Have to Reach Out to Him First


zooskZoosk again. *Sigh*. I had a male friend say, “I think currently, men want to you to reach out to them first.” “Oh really? It wasn’t like that when I was younger. So that’s changed over time.”

Ok. Not a problem. I know who appeals to me and who doesn’t so that’s what I did. My profile and is nice and honest. I’m not negative at all. My pictures are pretty. I get a ton of views and really troll-like men sending hearts but a few good ones. I respond. When I get chatted up by a decent, clean, intelligent guy, I’m happy to meet for coffee as long as he doesn’t have a gigantic cross hanging around his neck. I’m only interested in spiritual guys; no religion. Religion is just an emotional cover for addiction. The maturity timeline goes like this; active addict believes nothing and resents his family, then religious and sober forgave his family, then sober, self-defined, independent from family and spiritual. It is extremely rare to find a male at the 3rd level but that’s all I have time for.

Now coffee is barely happening. They don’t show up or follow-up to set it up!!!

It’s just coffee!! What is so serious and weird for a guy emotionally about coffee? I’m mystified. There is no fantasy here. We’re just meeting each other. I’ve heard that men are so insecure that they “hope” you’ll like them. Well, how can I know if you don’t show up for an agreed-upon date?

I guess their egos are so fragile that the prospect of getting shot down by a beautiful, intelligent woman is too scary? Wow. There is no woman I know who has so much ego invested in a hot, smart guy that she’d lay her self-esteem on the line for his approval or non-approval. Why are you guys so down on yourselves?

Can you just relax? I think they think women like me are monsters. I really don’t know.

Thank God I’m in touch with my Twin Flame but he’s sitting on his hands too…or something, as though he has a local supply of what he needs which apparently isn’t love; just security and habitual “male activity”. Typical. They never want love because they don’t know what it is. I know…I’m cynical or maybe just realistic.

Essay; Why Do People Hate Smart Women? | Psychology Today


Expansion-Paige Bradley
The sculptor is Paige Bradley

 

This is another great article on this topic only this time the comments are super revealing. Enquiring minds need to know… lol. Just scroll quickly to the top to see the full article.

Psychology Today-Why Do People Hate Smart Women

This is a comment by S.C. on this great article;

Being an incomplete female, the male spends his life attempting to complete himself, to become female. He attempts to do this by constantly seeking out, fraternizing with and trying to live through and fuse with the female, and by claiming as his own all female characteristics — emotional strength and independence, forcefulness, dynamism, decisiveness, coolness, objectivity, assertiveness, courage, integrity, vitality, intensity, depth of character, grooviness, etc — and projecting onto women all male traits — vanity, frivolity, triviality, weakness, etc.

It should be said, though, that the male has one glaring area of superiority over the female — public relations. (He has done a brilliant job of convincing millions of women that men are
women and women are men). The male claim that females find fulfillment through motherhood and sexuality reflects what males think they’d find fulfilling if they were female.”

Comment by anon;

It is true that a lot of people hate intelligent women, but they don’t like to admit to it. Watch how frequently intelligent women have their appearance insulted. Those people are expressing their jealousy at her intelligence, whilst at the same time trying to persuade her that her intelligence has no value, because most people only care about a woman’s looks. Comparing mothers and fathers you’ll find that when a father goes to work he’s “providing for his family”, but when a mother goes to work she’s “abandoning her children”“.

Here is a comment by Cathy. This one is really good and I’ve had the same thing happen in physicians offces I’ve worked in where I solved a patient’s body dilemma.

“I’ve experienced rabid reactions from men numerous times in relation to points 3 and 6. (in the article). Both of those points are related. Just conversing in terms of normal average level of intelligence in a spirit of shared understanding in a social situation has resulted in men lashing out immediately with paranoid and derogatory accusations that what I am really doing is trying to make out that I “know something”. Apparently, as an adult woman I am not allowed to “know something”. I am talking about just normal conversations referring to every day things. If I try to point that out to defend myself all they do is continue to accuse me of trying to make out I “know something” by referring to everyday things, as if that made me a rotten bitch.

These men would never explain to me what their problem was, and I was always unprepared for this crap because it is so irrational, but it relates to the idea that many men don’t think their theory of mind relates to women, so in their mind we would never be ‘able’ to have a normal conversation for real, so therefore it must be some kind of trick that we are playing on them.

I wondered if it might just be men of low socio-economic status that had this faulty thinking. Then at one point I dated a CEO and founder of a software company. He prided himself on an image of himself as a man of extra high intelligence, so I thought he would know better. Unfortunately not. On a day out were in a shop that sold games that tested intelligence. He wanted to go in but I have no liking for those kind of games so I went into another shop and he was in there on his own and he and another guy spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to extract this piece of metal out of a glass bottle. Apparently it’s rigged so you have to be pretty smart to figure out how to get it out.

By the time I walked in to the shop he and the guy had given up. They handed me the bottle, and after looking at it for about 30 seconds I figured it out and extracted the piece of metal. My CEO boyfriend says to me “If we (he and the other guy) couldn’t figure it out how could you do it” – with the emphasis on the word ‘you’. He was really shocked and kept going on and on how it would have had to be a fluke that I got the metal bit out and that I couldn’t have really solved it for real. It was really insulting, yet he seemingly had no recognition that he was being insulting and derogatory to me. I politely explained to him that to get the thing out I actually had to work out the only way it could come out, I didn’t just randomly jigger with the thing and fluke it – but he vehemently objected to the idea that I could have been able to do any such thing, and when I asked him why he thought that he said that he didn’t believe that I could be smart enough to do even one single thing that he and another guy couldn’t do. When I asked him to explain why he would think that, he couldn’t explain. That made two things he couldn’t figure out in 20 minutes for someone who proclaimed himself to be so incredibly intelligent. It’s obviously a delusional theory of mind, and it’s a very common experience that I have had with men and it’s disgusting. It’s made me stay away from relationships, and social situations altogether where I will come in contact with men.”

I’ll stop there. All I can say is I can relate. Also note, there are very intelligent women out there who play dumb because it makes a man feel more secure. It manipulates his ego. That’s one way to play it. I don’t waste my time with that.

Heartset; What is The Mind in Mindset?


 

Intuitive HumanThere is some debate regarding heartset vs. mindset. Which one comes first? What is the mind? What is the seat of our emotion? What we know from science is that the amygdala processes our emotions and the frontal cortex helps us organize our thoughts and take action. In the physical brain, they work as one just as both hemispheres of the brain do.

In ancient tradition and in modern Reiki tradition, there are at least 7 energy bodies that are manifested but they are not dense as your body is. Healers, Reiki Masters (I am one), Qi Gung masters and such can feel them. It’s no joke. I do it every day for a living and get detailed information about the client on the table that they then confirm.

According to the energy body line-up;
1. The etheric body is the 1st chakra or ROOT chakra. This is your grounding and keeps you in the body.
2. The emotional body is the 2nd chakra and allows you to process your true feelings for your soul learning.
3. The mental body is the 3rd chakra, projects outward far more than inward and helps you express your ego or sense of power in the world in relationship to others.
4. The Astral body is the 4th chakra or the heart.
5. The etheric template body is the 5th chakra or the throat area.
6. The celestial body is the 6th chakra or the 3rd eye.
7. The ketheric template or causal body is the 7th chakra or the crown.

THIS WHOLE THING IS THE MIND. So your entire physical body and your entire energy body IS your Mind. Until “Mindset” means this, it’s partial and incomplete. Once we actually read the science that proves that our disembodied thoughts and feelings ARE our bodies, our healthcare system will be inaccurate.

I guess I would say it doesn’t matter whether you call THE WHOLE Mindset or Heartset as long as it does encompass the whole. None of the Mindset movements do and I won’t follow or agree with any of them until they want to be correct in their facts. Like religions, they all have grains of truth. There’s no time for grains. We need the whole f*ing meal.

Prose; brought to my knees


Rumi Water

“I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.”Abraham Lincoln

Sometimes memories go deeply away into the unconscious like a rabid dragon.

But sometimes they rear their grotesque head and fill my colorless brain in the morning.

My 16-year-old son, coming in the front door and dropping to his knees, weeping, after seeing his Dad for one of the last times before he died. They had a little sacramental exchange showing they were bonded forever head to heart.

It’s four years extinct but there is a harrowing rock between my throat and my heart that wells up bereaved tears into my eyes and makes my mangled heart break, wondering where all the music in the house went? His dad was a musician. And what of my son’s future without his father?

Three months later my fiance died, dropped to the floor at the hospital from the flu and never came back awake. I felt like I was going to die standing there. I felt my fledgling spirit try to leave my body. Some friendly phantasm kept me there and I just went into numbing shock while a hospital helper offered me an innocuous sandwich. I thought I was going to throw up my soul. How could she offer me a sandwich? It was very odd to me.

Why am I even still here?

Death is always around me but I am full of Life. What vortex do I live in that protects me in this fragile dimension? My own.

A prophetic, intuitive one that takes great joy in serving my fellows and honing my vital body. Still, that doesn’t stop the sudden onslaught of being brought to my knees with grief and awe at what I’ve been through but still alive.

Well, part of me is not. Part of me died with them.

The death of someone you love is not something you get over it’s something you live with and becomes part of your saliferous breath. Life is not a happy merry-go-round for most of us and there’s no point in pretending.