Essay; Sexual Shaming of Men


 

man-in-doubt

I’ve been thinking about this issue for about a year now but it coalesced last night when I read a quite long, but well-thought-out blog post on this site that made light of how many women absorb shame from men when we have sex with them. Before that, we’re fine, happy with ourselves, like being a woman, and like our bodies. I think women are getting better at accepting our bodies as they are and the media is helping with that. I know I am. There are more women of all different sizes on T.V. and in all media. The SIZE SHAMING, no matter what size, has decreased. More women understand that it’s more important for us to love ourselves than to please a man.

But, reading her blog, I immediately related to the experience of being mystified as to why a man I was with would turn pornographic in his tone, talked about how hot I was, did the sweetie, beautiful “speak” and then wanted to get sexually nasty as opposed to sensuous and intimate. My assumption is it’s the testosterone and most women consider it normal. The last lover I had said, “Why do you have to be so seductive?” “Me? Seductive?” I’m a chipmunk! What was he talking about? I don’t think he was seeing who I was; he was seeing who he wanted and needed to see. He was projecting. Women are individuals not porn stars and it’s objectifying to treat us like we’re part of your MENTAL fantasy, not a person in front of you. But again, I’m not sure men can help it because of the shame they’re socialized with. Their minds are all cluttered up with objectifying materialism which makes them feel better. Their feelings are stimulated by things; women’s bodies, food, cars, houses, boats, and on and on. I’m not sure women understand this.

How much does that happen? Probably all the time. It’s men’s fantasy need of having a car or motorcycle that reminds them of a childhood toy that they loved. Then they imagined they were a superhero on that vehicle and some adult males still do it. They get a life-sized one and keep the fantasy going. It’s objectification that transfers over to sex with a woman. I suppose this underlies the barely clad woman advertising a car that is so nauseating to us.

It’s something to keep in mind that men probably watch a tremendous amount of porn because they can’t express their sexual feelings as much as they need to or the way they want to in our civilization that shames it. Most men are not relational, not romantic and don’t want to be yet many women need that to be turned on! If he acquiesced, he would be too much like a woman and he’s not a woman, he’s a man, which means he’s a part wild animal, part human. Not all men are of course but most of them are. It’s scary for some women like me when they turn wild animal. I guess other women like it.

I think that men project a lot onto women, as though it’s our issue, about how turned on they are by feeling ashamed, nasty, or mean. OR…is shame projected on to them from all sides FOR BEING male as though they are expected to be like that even if they are not? The writer I read didn’t say that in her blog or maybe she doesn’t understand it.  I think men get turned on by feeling repulsed. They’re attracted to women and things that are not nice and that are uncivilized and wild. It’s all that testosterone blasting through their brains that blows everything up. It’s the opposite of most women. I know some women are attracted to pain and ugliness, like a sadistic thing but it’s not terribly common. Still, I’m not judging it. Nevertheless, I am not that way.

It appears to me that everything in our civilization exists as it is to control men’s sexual nature and make things peaceable for women and children. Before, most of the time it was working. NOW, society seems to be tearing itself apart because men’s sexual nature is finally coming to the surface, there is more awareness of abuse of women and children, guns are everywhere which men love (you don’t see women using them in public much), we see incest, pedophilia, and sex trafficking at the highest levels of institutions, all the lies, and control about it are coming forward, the institutions don’t know exactly how to lie about it anymore. Men are victims of the system too otherwise they wouldn’t be victimizing those more vulnerable than them. It’s a trickle-down from the women and men in power who hold the system in place.

Civilization uses guilt, shame, control, incarceration, blaming women, sports, and the media all to LIE about men’s sexual nature. I guess we’re still working on a balance to our civilization as though it’s progressed from being in the wild. Sometimes I think it’s worse because it represses the true feelings and then they explode to the surface.

 

 

Many Rivers To Cross; Annie Lennox


Many Rivers to Cross
Many rivers to cross
But I can’t seem to find my way over
Wandering I am lost
As I travel along the white cliffs of Dover
Many rivers to cross
And it’s only my will that keeps me alive
I’ve been licked, washed up for years
And I merely survive because of my pride
And this loneliness won’t leave me alone
It’s such a drag to be on your own
My woman left me and she didn’t say why
Well I guess, I have to try
Many rivers to cross
But just
Source: LyricFind

Prose; Getting Lost


orange desert flower

I loved that, as soon as I walked in the time-honored door, profusely late, you were concerned that I’d gotten lost, in trouble, or something else.

Melt.  Kiss.

Mmmmm.  That’s the good stuff.  I’m going there and staying in that sterling feeling.  It’s a crack memory in my brain.  No one can take it away.  I keep a pile of those in a festive drawer for a rainy day.

New Followers


Thanks for all the new follows! I’ve been working on improving content, focusing and giving you what you seem to like; prose. Fortunately it’s my favorite thing to write. It’s just that I have to trance out and almost become a channel. It takes more energy.

I’m also trying to be more social and outgoing.

I appreciate all your writing too.😊

Sincerely,

Lisa T.

Prose; Skin


pick a tomato

The shell of a turtle, a carapace, guards your continuance of electric water, straight to your brain, pulls your vibration down in by degrees.

Your skin like a husk full of ridges on corn smells sweet,

hard to pull off at the bottom, tassles so soft on my face, the smell of earth.

Your arm was warm and pleasant as the first tomato of summer in my hungry hand.

Let me bite into that luscious fruit, so sweet and tangy

 or a mango stream of juice down my chin.

I’m distracted, clement smells from your back

Why are so sweet yet so smart and severe?

No end to touch makes my breathing peaceful.

I feel happy…oh god I’m doomed.

Indeed, it only lasted one day and you ripped your skin from me again.

At least you can’t take the memory from me.

Words can never erase actions like skin can never cover feelings.

 

If You Don’t Give Him Sex When He Suggests It, You May as Well Not Exist.


cropped-divorced_couple_credit_inesbazdar_via_wwwshutterstockcom_cna_9_3_15.jpgUse your intuition on this one. Keep in mind the men are double-minded on this issue and may not even be aware that they are. Meaning, you’ll hear gender equity pronouncements and exhortations to be direct, honest, and yourself in public and on social media and another thing in private one-on-one. In private, if they are sexually attracted to you, they want or need you to take a back seat, be a hot little girl, never ask for anything emotionally, behave more graciously and not so opinionated and don’t initiate so much. Absolutely do not show that you are as smart or smarter than them.

I think part of the issue is men feel gypped by our society for not getting as much sex as they need the way they need it. Men need more interest and fun far more than bonding. Instead, the predominance is on talking and relationships which is women’s way. That’s called civilization and sex isn’t civilized? I think men truly resent it. On the other hand, women appreciate it because we can then use our energy for other things we care about and aren’t beholden or as likely to get pregnant. Most women truly need to be treated with love and care and not so much as sex objects in marriage and out.

Straight men who let you know that they are in no way interested in a relationship before the sexy talk are telling you that there is no way they will ever consider you a human being or even a friend. They are saying, “If you don’t have sex with me when I suggest it, you need to drop off the face of the earth. This exchange has expired because I have no use for you.” They will also lie to you about loving you as a friend. The only men who love you as a friend are gay. To try to wiggle out of their pronouncement of loving you as a friend they will lie about moving and even claim a family member died as an excuse for not calling you when they said they would. These men are wounded and internally weak.

They endorse lying and will say anything in any way shape or form and act an Academy Award-winning performance to scam money and sex in any way they can. They know how to make women love them and then take them for all they’ve got. Usually, they’ve never been married and have no children.

They are not mature enough to consider a woman a friend and lover with no other agreements, commitments, or contracts which they should if they were smart. It would put them on the high road and prove that they can take care of themselves and know how to love. They not only don’t want a commitment, they feel they have the right to ask for sex and then feel no human connection to you whatsoever. They are died-in-the-wool misogynists. Most likely they are narcissists or borderlines as well with a history of childhood abuse that they refuse to forgive.

I know how to work this type of man for as long as I need to in order to confirm their disorder because I suspect they’re working me. Then I’m done because I have ambitious work to do as well. It’s just an experiment on my end. I’m studying them in this gender-biased simulation we live in, no emotion whatsoever. The problem is, it’s much easier for them to do a hook-up and get what they need but not so for me; in fact the opposite.

Mindset; What does “In Your Face” Mean from a Woman?


Women leading

This article is dated May this year. There are a few articles every year to remind us that this Victorian issue is alive and well. Some women just don’t get it and they keep planting seeds of injustice in our minds and then we carry it with us wherever we go in society. I guess we need to set a strong boundary.

Here is the article.

Double Standards That Hold Women Back

Under the top picture, it says,

Women can rarely just be themselves in positions of power.”

This is the first paragraph.

“I suggested she—a rising female attorney at a law firm—be more assertive to make her ideas and opinions heard in meetings. She told me she’s compelled to filter every word lest she is perceived as overly ambitious—or worse, aggressive. She noted that her male counterparts, by comparison, seemed to feel free to say whatever, whenever, without incurring any negative judgment.

She wasn’t wrong—she really did need to choose her words more carefully than the men.”

That’s because Mom said so. Mom knows best. Yeah, no. It’s holding me back with that voice ringing in my head, “Don’t be in your face.”

This next part is just unbelievable and utter crap.

“Women typically rank higher than men on “agreeableness”—they have a reputation for being more nurturing, empathetic, kind, supporting, and accommodating. If you’re a female executive who others consider agreeable, chances are you will be seen as more likable.

But leadership positions require people to command authority. Aggressiveness will do this for you. But for women, the more aggressive they are seen to be, the less likable they are found—by men and women. It’s a double bind.”

There is still a huge chasm between social permission for a man to be assertive and even aggressive and a woman to be the same. This article from Forbes proves that in the year 2019 it’s still alive and kicking despite all of our hope and denouncements. There is also a generational divide here. My mother born in 1940 still projects her values regarding what she was taught about how to behave as a woman onto me because that’s what she is still doing. She’s trying to justify it through me. So do women from my own generation. She still feels free to direct me on what to do as well.

The double standard between women and men being assertive needs to end. The truth is, more women are far more assertive than men and just as competent! I could write about this forever but do read the article and try not to be in denial in your own workplace.

 

 

Mindset; Life in Between Writing


stock__winter_snow_in_forest_by_needanewname-d46z9zo

Does the life inside my head, when I’m not writing, count as my Life?

Or do I have to go outside and be around people to observe and participate in that stuff in between writing for that to count as my Life?

Or does the time I’m just being empty-headed, doing and thinking nothing and not writing count as my Life?

I think it all counts. Thoughtforms tend to be phantasms but they’re really not ya know. The preponderance is on the action in our society but it’s not that way for writers. Thought forms are picked up by the mind and manifested into the cells of the body.

When the sky is gray, like today, or it’s snowing, all of nature brings a variation that causes lip licking and nose blowing with a temperamental euphoria that distinctly tastes like the air. I love the smell of the crisp air in Michigan winter. This is my life in between writing.

I just want to drink my Earl Grey tea and sit in my chair writing my latest musing. When my mind is swirling, my body won’t.

For now, watching the rhythmic drips from my roof out my window will do.

Heartset; We Can Get a Room…


puzzle-klimt-eventail-index

Most women suck it up even though they don’t want to right away. What if you haven’t met him yet? What if you’ve just talked long distance for a long time? I have to get a vibe in person with a guy. I freakin’ don’t get why guys don’t care about that! They should. I did in the past but I’m not doing it anymore because I deserve to be turned on the way I get turned on. The pleasure of sex is for women also.

I understand and respect the fact that men are ego invested about offering a hookup to a woman and she turns him down when she’s indicated before that she’s attracted to him. It’s a huge deal to a dude. Especially if you already know each other. On the other hand, if a guy just met you and asks for a hook-up he’s basically treating you like a free prostitute. That’s just disgusting. No.

Not doing a hookup with an egomaniac or your boss can get you fired if they want you! That’s how mad guys get. I’ve experienced it first hand. If they know you and you’ve both been flirting, they expect a “Yes” or I suppose they think you were teasing them. I think men take rejection harder than women do. I try not to be too hard on men that let me know they like me but the boundaries do have to be maintained and I have a history of maintaining them in the workplace and in my own office, to the frustration of quite a few men.

I don’t think most women are teasing. I believe we’re thinking, pondering, and checking, putting it through our intuitive radar because women know energy is exchanged as well as body fluids. That’s how we are with men if the woman has any self-respect. We’re in the laboratory of sexual attraction and IT IS NO EASY MATTER FOR US! We need you guys to accept that about us. I accept that it’s simpler for men and every woman knows that. Then you need to accept that it’s more complicated for us. The man’s value system should not dictate the situation and I challenge every woman to stick up for what she wants and what she’s comfortable with. At least have some of it your way. If he’s too pushy, he can walk.

I think a good compromise is three times alone together in person, at least, after you’ve known each other for months. I know that these days that sounds like a long time but, well, that’s just me. I’m sorry but unless there is emotional intimacy I’m not turned on.