I Had The Most Beautiful Dream Last Night

It was a busy dreaming night so I don’t remember everything but I do remember the end and it felt so real. I can feel the difference between a wishful dream, as though my psyche is working out excess emotion, and one where it feels like it was really happening because it was a realistic scenario and the vibe between us was balanced.

Dreams come from the intuition; the unconscious mind and can be supremely helpful in facing some emotional truth that is not coming through in your waking life. To cope with life on earth, we have layers of psychological defense that keeps us from feeling our eternal essence; our souls.

We are born and raised in a specific family and one-third of our mind is literally programmed by our mother and father from in utero time to about five years old. I hate to tell you this but our minds were putty in their hands. This is a well known scientific fact. That’s why in my book “Healer” I talk about asking your mother what her life was like during that time and get details! So I questioned my mother about June 1962-April 1968 which was the time I was in utero-five years old. (I was born in April 1963)

Look at that time period! It was some of the most violent in our country during the 60’s. I was absorbing all of those hippie vibes and tumult in our society although I was fairly shielded from some of it because of the religion in my family. Now that I think about all the violence with the Vietnam war and the assassinations, that may not have been such a bad thing. But my mom said she was happy and domestic, they had what they needed and she wanted me very much. That’s all good.

So, do this yourself if you can and you will see the bedrock vibes of your subconscious mind THAT CANNOT BE CHANGED. It may help you understand some things. The subconscious also comes through in dreams. It can only be sent to the background of your mind though, by your choice, during your waking life.

This time period is so deep in me, I have to say it does form my essential worldview and I am appalled at institutions, government, all the societal bullshit that the hippie generation railed against. But I was an infant and very small child picking up these vibes.

Back to my dream. My unconscious mind found my twin flame through synchronicity a year ago. That is an amazing, specific, bizarre story in itself related to the art on the cover of my book. We’ve known each other for a year and have not met but have corresponded a lot. There has been an unusual amount of intense emotion between us I believe because our souls reverberate with each other so much. I was with him in my dream last night. We were living in a house and just laying on his bed talking, as though we’d known each other forever.

Twin flames are mirrors of each other’s souls and he and I have strange, specific, unusual interests and habits in common. He sees all of our opposites but they are supetficial and two sides of the same coin. The seeming differences are that we were raised differently, in different parts of the country, male and female. That is subconscious programming. We haven’t managed to send that to the back our minds yet and won’t’ be able to be together until we’re functioning in our conscious minds.

Think about this a second. Most couples are in a relationship with a dynamic that mirrors their family issues, the mate as a projection of their own mother or father, sister or brother. Most relationships today are based on working out issues of the birth family or the subconscious mind. That’s why they don’t last! The relationship isn’t created based on your true essence, PAST your birth family.

In my dream, my head was near his and I finally felt his lips. He has amazing lips. There was no…lust so to speak. It was like putting your lips on a leaf or something in nature that’s very beautiful in its natural state. I’ve…never had an experience with a man that reminded me of nature. And his leg was like firm soil, moist but ready to be turned in the warm spring for planting.

Then I woke up to this dimension.

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Keep Living

My mother wonders aloud, how I keep going, pay all the bills, live alone and somehow thrive. Maybe friends who know me wonder too. I don’t know. They don’t say anything.

It’s pretty simple; passion. At every turn, out in public, in former jobs and relationships, in politics and on FB, on every TV show and magazine that comes in the mail and song I hear on the radio, it seeks to define and control me as a woman, I suppose for the purpose of money and sex. I never saw so much drivel and malarky, disingenuous ignorant propaganda as what passes for women’s values in print, in media, and in society. “Women’s Day” magazine could be used like the phone book in an outhouse.

Do I really mainly care about clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, women’s pharmaceuticals, reorganizing my closets, romantic books and movies, babies, cooking and the latest cleaning products?

No! I want to increase my education, my income, and my independence. I want to feel my body so keenly that I’m the best lover I can be. I want my 20-year-old son to never feel obligated to take care of me because I take care of myself and I want nothing more than to see him happy as a man. I can’t wait to get my next book in the mail to read and use to improve my mind, and I only clean in 5-minute spurts so I don’t have to think about it. I’ve got more interesting things to think about than a clean floor.

I wake up every day to be happy and well, to create and define myself as a human birthright and I get a passionate kick out of it. My blank canvas to create on is my life and I’m giving no more away than I already have. I’d rather live than die a slow death, calling it life, while reacting to someone else’s vision of the world that I don’t feel or care about.

At least I’m not bored, I’m enjoying my own company and having fun.


Science: A Masculine Disorder?


“Science is based on the professional creation and certification of knowledge which is tied to powerful interest groups, notably the state, corporations and the scientific profession itself. Patriarchy is based on male control of dominant social structures and the exclusion of women from positions of power through means such as direct discrimination, socialization and the gender division of labor.

Patriarchy within the scientific community is manifested through male control of elite positions and various exclusionary devices. The scientific method incorporates masculine features such as the objectification of nature. Scientific knowledge is masculine in its neglect of women’s experience and its adoption of paradigms built on assumptions of competition and hierarchy.”-Jill Bowling and Brian Martin, Ph.D.

Here is another article from an expert! It’s longer but VERY interesting.

Science: a masculine disorder

I woke up this morning, after being hijacked by “a friend” on a thread yesterday and then territorially denigrated in the patriarchal tradition, pondering the question; “Is the scientific method itself horse-and-buggy, materialist, patriarchal B.S.?  Is that possible? Before today, I pretty much supported it, although its methodology seemed very simplistic to me and not at all holistic. Was I the only one wondering if this might be true?

I wonder this because as a fifty-four-year-old female who is trained in science as far as needed in licensed health care, my intuition is as consistent and rational as anything I see or feel in this material world.  I also listen to it.  This phenomenon is mostly ignored, cynically scoffed at, and at best, not understood by most people including my ex-friend who has patently disrespected my intuitive read of the Mayan Harmonic for months now.  He just now told me how much better he is than me which kind of says it all.

My patients have confirmed my hands-on intuition with their bodies for fifteen years so it’s like breathing to me now.  I put my hands on someone and I can feel everything that’s going on. Then they confirm it verbally after I tell them what I sense.  Then I treat on the manifested body and they feel it again. I don’t feel it physically initially; I sense the energetic cause of the physical manifestation which is the cause of all illness; thoughts and feelings or vibrations then I assess and treat tactilely.

My ex-friend, who fancies himself a scientist, knows nothing to very little about the body and doesn’t even work in the sciences. I’ve made my living in healthcare for seventeen years. There are lessons to be learned by all.  For instance, in the last week I’ve learned two lessons:

  1.  It is unwise to only see the good in people when their shadow is blasting you in the face. They operate from cynicism and usage; not love, and you can feel it.
  2.  Many men do not have intuition on their radar and if they do, they subjugate it for the purposes of patriarchal power (money and control) or addiction. They view intuition as feminized or sub-cultural which would weaken their position in society. Other cultures can follow their intuition but patriarchal men from all cultures do not. They only use and objectify women sexually and poor people economically, no matter how nice they may seem and politically correct with their rhetoric. It’s fake. It takes an experienced and trained eye and ear to see it.  The first tip-off is, they never ask you how you are, and if they do, it’s not genuine.  You can feel it.

“Long-term structural change in science must be predicated on changing the relations between men and women.”

This applies across cultures, all over the world.  The real issue of disparity on the planet is between women and men all over the world and the rest of the issues follow.  Women are still treated in a barbaric manner, especially the child bride phenomenon.

“Complementing this approach is that taken by those specifically focusing on the reasons why there are not more women involved in the sciences. Several writers have examined science education, particularly looking at the reasons why girls leave science in their school years. Following the observations that boys get more teacher attention and girls have less confidence in their ability, in Australia, there have been some experiments with all-girls science and mathematics classes.

There has also been an analysis of the way in which science is constructed to reflect male values and suggestions about how to create a different sort of science. Arditti, for instance, argues for a feminist perspective which “would re-introduce and re-legitimize the intuitive approach”.

To be continued…


David Bohm, Quantum Physicist on Wholeness

For me, life in civilization (in the city) can become a grind. I generally do enjoy being an urban dweller, but like my patients, unless we release our fragmented perceptions of our bodies and life around us, it can become oppressive.  I don’t believe that life on earth is inherently oppressive; it’s our mind and our habits that are.

So, to that end, listen to the refreshing perspective of the truth of wholeness as articulated by quantum physicist by David Bohm. He really does call for an end to reductionist thinking where adults treat their respective fields of study like a kid at Christmas with a new computer that she/he wants to take apart. IT IS NOT THE PARTS OF A THING THAT TEACH US HOW IT WORKS OR WHAT IT IS! Actually using it and feeling how it works is the beginning of understanding. The truth is, different parts could probably have been used to make the thing whole anyway so why get attached to “the parts”? I encounter this issue daily as I work with people on their bodies, who continue to view it and feel it in pieces because of our health care system. Use your intuition and your breath to feel the truth.

I do believe that if each of us, one by one, can breathe, meditate, and sense our own wholeness within our body, it will teach our mind that very thing as well. That’s how life on earth will change.

Have a listen…

David Bohm on Wholeness

I Just Realized…

…that I’ve either presented myself to be objectified by a man or turned around and objectified a man in revenge for societal objectification my entire adult life. A man can chase me and demand sex from me and that is as it should be right?… but I can’t turn around and do the same to him just because I’m female. It’s too direct. Feel that fear and sting guys, when a strong woman objectifies you and asserts herself because she’s got the hots for you? It’s dehumanizing and overpowering and that’s what we’re supposed to accept from you…all the fucking time. Two can play the control game and women do! It repels most men and statistics prove it because nature makes females receptive…or does it? See, we don’t know anymore.

No doubt, this may be the case for most of us because it’s the way we’ve been socialized. Because I live alone now, I can finally feel myself and see myself.  It’s amazing!

My father objectified all of us as a dyed in the wool misogynist; my mother and my three sisters. There was no love there. My mother in turn, as a true misandrist,  in resentment, taught us to use and objectify men. “Women are just better people,” she said. I know a few feminists that would agree with her. Men are good for money, sex, and giving us babies if we play the game; that’s it. Neither one of them has ever changed their story and there is no belief in love possible between the genders.

I know that many people have seen their parents or grandparents love each other or other couples love each other but I don’t think most people have. The divorce rate and disintegration of the family is a testimony to that despite the posturing on FB and Disney movies. Human life is cheap and each gender first suspects that the reason for talking to the opposite sex is to ultimately use them for sex or money, not friendship.

Also, though, my whole adult life, I’ve held as a value, as an ideal, a human awakening, a deep feeling where somehow, someone, somewhere, in the universe, or on this planet will show me how to behold a man as just another human being and not a predator. I know men think women are predators too but they barely talk about it. They’ve said it to me about other women!

I have no problem wanting humaneness. I don’t see it, but I hold it as an ideal.  Women and men are human beings first. I desperately want to believe and see that in my world. There’s no sexual tension there though is there? What a conundrum, our damn brains.

Where is the top ridge, higher up the mountain where we can put the programming of gender, whether based in biology or not, down in the valley where one day it will just flood and wash it away?  I want, with all of my heart, to just have a friend that I love.  Frankly, I don’t care if I ever have sex again if we can just stop running from one another in fear and distrust because of hurt from the past. If we can just stop using sex and seeing sex as a control game, a power game, a thieving of energy rather than sharing. Why must we suck energy off of one another instead of sharing our true selves? Why do we have to compete? Why can’t we both have great ideas perceived in different ways? Why can’t we just be kind to one another?

I’m at zero.  I really am.


“The Science Delusion” by Rupert Sheldrake

Rupert Sheldrake relentlessly asks mainstream so-called objective science to balance itself with its nemesis; the relational feminine principle; the dragon lady. He does not say this in the book but he alludes to it in every chapter.

I’m not sure he realizes it, but when he refers to the subjective, open inquiry, the dark cave, and the humanization of scientists as opposed to demi-gods, he seems to invoke the mythical goddesses Athena, Artemis or even Demeter in her nurturing, fecund ways. He wants scientists and the public to sit around the kitchen table and bake science bread together. It’s really rather charming, personally speaking, although I can see how traditional scientists would rather put their pants back on reading this book. He does hit below the belt as he reminds us that each scientist was born of his mother whether he liked her or not. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. Scientific fact #1; she made you in her body. That is the purpose of patriarchy and science right?; to forget that fact, or to erase the predominance of the way nature works. Yes, well, we all need reminding of that lest hubris utterly annihilates the planet through militaristic science funded technology in the name of progress and the virility of men.

I can’t get enough of Rupert’s support of balance between the earth, shamanism, intuition, psychism, natural healing and good old-fashioned fun. I bet he had a cool Mom. Yes, Mr. Sheldrake assaults all of that in this book with a lucidity full of probing questions and facts that would make Harvey Weinstein blush.

Just because you’re a man, doesn’t mean you get to ram your billions of dollars through every last science program you can get your hands on, declare yourself God, mistreat the intelligent women, hog the awards and call Science The Truth!  Again, he doesn’t say that.  Those are my words, but he is British so he says it all nicely.

I just finished this book. The title is misleading because he is a scientist and has worked in science his whole life. He supports and has taught science; he is just seeking to have clearer and more honest communication with scientists themselves. In fact, the book is set up in a format to enhance a three-person discussion about materialistic science. As he says in the book, scientists are just people like you and me; no more correct or objective than any normal human being. Some of the time they are correct and some of the time they are not. We should no more put scientists on a pedestal than pastors, priests, or presidents!

In the book, he poses ten questions to the materialist scientist, explains his position and then challenges the scientist to examine his own thinking;

  1. Is Nature mechanical?
  2. Is the total amount of matter and energy always the same?
  3. Are the laws of Nature fixed?
  4. Is matter unconscious?
  5. Is Nature purposeless?
  6. Is all biological inheritance material?
  7. Are memories stored as material traces?
  8. Are minds confined to brains?
  9. Are psychic phenomena illusory?
  10. Is mechanistic medicine the only kind that really works?

I enjoyed the last question because I’ve worked as a holistic practitioner for twenty years and have seen the answer first hand. I’m not going to be a spoiler on this one; I encourage you to read the book and comb through his logic. In each chapter, he poses historical fact and scientific evidence to challenge the materialist dogma. He’s clearly trying to have a conversation with his peers if anyone will respond!

He ends the book talking about scientists illusions about objectivity and the future of science. I read it and posted it as an audio clip. Happy Reading.

The Science Delusion Cover






Body Intuition

Passionate feelings can make you sick or motivate you to be as well as you can be. It depends on the feelings. But for sure, you choose them and thus whether you will go one way or the other. No one else can control your feelings unless you allow it.

We have 100% choice in every situation. If you don’t know how you feel, just ask your body. Lay down, close your eyes and start with a body scan. How does each part feel? Whose mind and heart is in charge of your body?  How did it get this way? You don’t need anyone else to understand your process or feel what you feel.

Part of becoming mindful and tuned in as a conscious actor is to claim responsibility for the connection between your Mind and Heart and your body.  You run your body.  No one else owns you unless you’ve let them. That is what you need to figure out.  If you’ve let someone else set your agenda, that will make you sick because YOUR SOUL, YOUR MIND needs to set its own course; not family, friends, society, or the church.

The challenge here is that our society has taught us to give our selves and our power OVER to outside forces and others and allow ourselves to be used. That’s how power is hoarded by the few. We give it to them. That is materialism and it’s full of lies. Allowing yourself to be a victim will make you sick and you can stop it by becoming in tune with YOUR feelings and then deciding how you want to feel. Your body will literally tell you the truth directly or you’ll receive the information any number of ways.

Our bodies’ DNA (in its current human form) is a million years old so it knows what to do. In a sense, it does have a mind of its own that we need to respect. It does love you or it would have left you by now via death. It really can’t do that without your permission and is here to serve your intentions, mission, and consciousness. Do you love it back? Our bodies need us to listen so it can make us whole and joyful.

Bodymind, “Molecules of Emotion”

This will be a perfect segue into the next subject matter on Intuition UP; morphic resonance; a phenomenon discovered by the work of Rupert Sheldrake. Dr. Pert talks about it as well at the end of this book.

Information is not dependent on time or space, as is matter and energy, but exists regardless of these limits! If information exists outside of the confines of time and space, matter, and energy, then it must belong to a very different realm from the concrete, tangible realm we think of as reality. And since information in the form of the biochemicals of emotion is running every system of the body, then our emotions must also come from some realm beyond the physical.”

Information theory seems to be converging with Eastern philosophy to suggest that the mind, the consciousness, consisting of information, exists FIRST, prior to the physical realm, which is secondary, merely an out-picturing of consciousness. Although this is about as radical as my scientist’s mind will let me get, I’m beginning to understand how such a view could coexist comfortably with the kind of science I’ve been doing.”

A priori knowledge. That’s the wisdom of the ancients. We could not come into the body through our mother without it. We are first and foremost, Mind. It precedes the physical and continues on when the physical ends. Information theory is simply morphic resonance which creates holograms. The science behind morphic resonance is illumined in the scientific work of Rupert Sheldrake. This definition is from HIS website. I recommend you go to the link.


Morphic resonance is a process whereby self-organizing systems inherit a memory from previous similar systems. In its most general formulation, morphic resonance means that the so-called laws of nature are more like habits.”-Rupert Sheldrake

When Dr. Pert says out-picturing of consciousness, this harks to the phenomenon of holograms. They are;

a three-dimensional image formed by the interference of light beams from a laser or other coherent light source…a photograph of an interference pattern that, when suitably illuminated, produces a three-dimensional image.
Some people suggest that our world, us, and earth are holographic. Life is more like a movie projection of the matrix of all of our intentions than anything else. All that most people see is in 3D, yet scientists have proven we live in at least 21 dimensions. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
Her realization at the end is;
And now that I know my body has wisdom, this calls for a new kind of responsibility on my part. I can no longer act like a dumb machine and wait to be fixed by the mechanic-otherwise known as the doctor. Now I have the potential to consciously intervene in the system myself, to take an active role in my own healing. I’m both more powerful and more responsible for creating the health I experience than the dumb machine I used to think I was
That is the basis for all holistic medicine. We seek to empower the patient with scientific facts, not gouge you for a huge profit based on materialism. We make a living with our work, not a killing and ask you to do your part for yourself. I talk about my journey in my book “Healer”. Enjoy!
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Woman’s Intuition Gone Awry

The Female Price of Male Pleasure

by Lili Loofbourow

Female price of male pleasure

One of the compliments girls get most as kids is that they’re pretty; they learn, accordingly, that a lot of their social value resides in how much others enjoy looking at them. They’re taught to take pleasure in other people’s pleasure in their looks. Indeed, this is the main way they’re socially rewarded.

This is also how women are taught to be good hosts. To subordinate their desires to those of others. To avoid confrontation. At every turn, women are taught that how someone reacts to them does more to establish their goodness and worth than anything they themselves might feel.”

I hope you clicked on the link above and at least skimmed this article.  I found it to be another one of those disturbing ones. This quote from the article, for instance, is very true.  But I have never chosen to be with the type of man that would be that inconsiderate of my body.  Is the author suggesting that women don’t have a choice in the type of partner she chooses?  That’s ludicrous.

I wish we lived in a world that encouraged women to attend to their bodies’ pain signals instead of powering through like endurance champs. It would be grand if women (and men) were taught to consider a woman’s pain abnormal; better still if we understood a woman’s discomfort to be reason enough to cut a man’s pleasure short.”

I wouldn’t give a man with this type of attitude the time of day.  I might even give him some grief! Men don’t have the right to cause us any type of pain and we don’t have the right to cause them any type of pain either!  This is a human issue.

My nineteen-year-old son swears to me that his generation has quite a different attitude toward sex.  Yet, as his mother, I really have never found him to be terribly respectful of me as a female.  He learned that from his hippie generation father who had mama issues.

But those aren’t actually the lessons society teaches — no, not even to “entitled” millennials. Remember: Sex is always a step behind social progress in other areas because of its intimacy.”

I’m not sure what she means here but it could have to do with the expression of emotions.  That is something that you definitely are raised to do or not do. My son has always expressed his feelings so I can only hope he will listen to his female partners’ feelings as well.  I can’t imagine it to be any other way, but who knows.

This article is well worth the read and I’m still chewing on it.  The short of it is that woman’s intuition needs to come UP when it comes to her body.  The days of patriarchy and misogynist men dictating to us our physical reality are ending.  It needs to end! I have never hesitated to speak up and communicate what I like and what I want to my male partner and have had a pretty good sex life because of that. I notice that as I take care of my body better and can move better, I feel more confident.  All of that is completely within my control and I encourage women to take care of themselves, focus on what they want for their bodies and move forward with that instead of blaming men and society for issues that are fully within their control if they’ll just focus their will and mind.