What is Connection?


A connection is an affinity, an ease of communication, an understanding of another person, a desire to get to know someone better, the real possibility of a lasting friendship, and for women, respect. For men, it’s a huge turn-off to contemplate respecting a woman although most won’t admit it.

A connection does not denote love, being in love, physical attraction, desire for sex, desire to get married, desire to live with you, dreaming of a future, desire for a boyfriend, an attempt to control the other person, or dependency. Just because a guy feels a connection to a woman he really…should not freak out in fear that she’s going to control him with her feminine ways and make him give her babies. Or, post-reproduction, make him grow up and face and express his feelings. Most of us are too busy to try to control you. We ask that you organize yourselves. That’s usually asking too much though.

Interdependent connection between a woman and a man means you each have your own lives, take responsibility for knowing and expressing how you feel, making your own physical appointments, have boundaries that you agree on for privacy, but depend on each other for whatever you’re comfortable with which is usually quite a bit; affection, sex, sharing food duties, household chores, and child and pet care. Personally, though, I think couples need to have their own money and manage it themselves but sometimes merging it makes a bigger pile obviously. However, spending priorities can cause a divorce so, in that case, keep it separate.

I happened to be sitting next to a guy at a bar several months ago and he got a text from a woman he’d been dating. He told me she was really hot (like I need to know that. He wanted me to know that). She had just texted that she was willing to help him decorate his new place. He complained to me that that was intrusive and overcontrolling of her. I just shook my head. Men. You overinterpret us just being nice, way too much. We just like to do girly stuff.

You also make an awful lot of dumb assumptions about our sexual prowess and skill based on our body shape and size. That’s like assuming an orange that’s bigger than the other ones won’t taste as good pulling it off the tree when it truth, it will likely be sweeter and juicier! Your loss dude. Think through stuff more. A smart woman in life is a smart woman in bed, no matter her size. And if she’s smart, she’ll be detached in her feelings and won’t necessarily want you to stay. We independent types like the whole bed to ourselves. You’re programmed to prefer thin women and that’s just dumb.

Another guy I sat next to one time pointed out a large-sized waitress and said, “She looks good to me. It makes me hungry looking at her.” I’m thinking, “Does he see her as a roast chicken and potatoes or a human being?” I mean really! It would have been funny if it wasn’t so stupid! Again, I shook my head.

Women have given up on all of that. A simple connection means you guys stay calm enough, nixing the drama and fear, that we can have your short attention span for maybe ten minutes? Most women won’t settle for that anymore and many women are just going to women; lesbianism. The only women left who want you will be women that want babies and that will be all they want from you if that’s the only skill you’ve developed. But if you flirt, don’t lie about it and act like you haven’t. All guys flirt even just to see how far he can get, even if he doesn’t mean it. But if you flirt, and we flirt back, you better deliver dude.

Most women are independent, not dependent. Women “act” dependent for your ego. That’s it. Most women have an education and know they need to have their own money because let’s face it; most of the time you use your money to try to control us and then die or walk out and we would have no money. No woman wants to be controlled and penniless. There’s no room for love to grow there and no security for us. All women want love before anything else but many women have compromised for so long, not having the connection and affection they need that they’re out of touch with their body. Just sex is just the worst for us. It’s Mcdrive-thru Sex. Horrid. It also tells us you aren’t very bright. Only dogs just fuck and eat fast food for God’s sake.

I’ve known more than one man who I had friendship and affinity with and flirting, run the other way because I returned it. I’m mystified. We’re not supposed to like you back or you split? Are we just supposed to stand there, bask in it, and look pretty, never say anything smart and let you control every aspect of the relationship to your comfort level because you’re so insecure? That’s the only way you’ll come back or stick around? Oh well then, see ya!

Woman on a mountain

 

 

 

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You Might Not Be Looking For a Relationship but Doesn’t Everyone Want to Love and Be Loved?


I wonder sometimes if women and men mean, “I’m not looking to be possessed or to possess anyone.” when they say, “I don’t want a relationship.” Words are important. When it comes to attraction, the words one uses matter.

This is why marriage always ends. In truth, no one can possess anyone. We belong to ourselves. It’s plain and simple. What keeps two people near each other is affinity, attraction, same waveform, and comfort with each other. What splits two people is change. People change, grow and move. That’s nature. So, “forever marriage” isn’t realistic and more and more people realize that. It’s only good for the time that you’re reproducing. It’s forced togetherness for a time and it’s not a bad idea! After all, the parents are the creators of the subconscious mind of a child. That is real togetherness. But hopefully, the child will outgrow being controlled by his subconscious mind, into his conscious mind and everyone can move on and be free.  That’s the ideal folks. Norman Rockwell was misguided.

Love, on the other hand, is everywhere, always. Mostly, it’s in us and we can’t lose it. So as you move and grow through life, you should always be able to find someone on your frequency, someone with which you have an affinity. Suffering is not called for in this life. You’re not going to get a prize for suffering and no one is requiring it of you. That’s one of the big lies of religion. It’s kind of silly because who needs religion to experience suffering?? It’s a given on this planet, everyone goes through it, no one can escape it, and no one gets a prize for being born; except a body. That’s your prize.

I find security in myself, by being what I need every day and keeping myself organized and productive. It’s futile to find security in human beings. I’m sorry to burst everyone’s social bubble. I never saw anything so foolish in my life as pining for that. Human beings change like the weather and it’s natural! If you follow their meanderings, you’ll get lost too. It just happened to me. I sometimes forget what it’s like dealing closely with people who are not in control of their lives. It doesn’t take long for me to remember at times like this and be grateful that I’ve created what I have; a solid foundation underlying an active situation on the ground that keeps shifting.

heraclitus1-2x

 

Bonding cont. “A House Is Not A Home”, Bill Evans, SO beautiful.


Here is a perfect example of the bonding I was talking about that tugs at everyone’s romantic heart strings.  But in the end??  I don’t know.  It is an absolutely beautiful song though…my favorite I think.

 

 

By Burt Bacharach & Hal David
A chair is still a chair
Even when there’s no one sitting there
But a chair is not a house
And a house is not a home
When there’s no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss good night
A room is still a room
Even when there’s nothing there but gloom
But a room is not a house
And a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart
Now and then I call your name
And suddenly your face appears
But it’s just a crazy game
When it ends, it ends in tears
Darling, have a heart
Don’t let one mistake keep us apart
I’m not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there still in love with me
I’m not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there still in love with me
Songwriters: Burt Bacharach / Hal David
A House Is Not A Home lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Can We Love One Another Without Traditional Bonding?


It depends on how you define bonding which I address below. In spiritual circles, we say, “Love at all times”. So the heart is always open, to everyone and we are protected by Spirit and use our intuition as a guide so there is no fear. We still have to be discerning about how we express love. For indeed, there is no fear in Love. So, that’s the idea. Many highly spiritual people succeed in this so I know it’s possible.

Like all good ideas, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; boots on the ground kind of thing. When I put this to the test in my relationships with men and women I’d like to have a more specific plan since I’m a lover and a giver. My cup is always full and I need to empty it. That’s why I’m a giver. The last thing I need is more offloading, vampires, users, fakers and very unstable in my space looking for love that they need to find within and can find within. That’s when my cup empties quickly. That’s where discernment comes in.

How can we keep a strong boundary as empaths and lovers?

  1. If you truly love the other person, you accept where they are on the Self-Love spectrum. Don’t rush in where angels fear to tread. Instead, observe their behavior. Are they intuitive with you as you are with them? Are they emotionally sensitive to you when you need a shoulder or a hug or just to talk? They can give to you if they give to their own Self. Also, how much do they talk about their family? Are they still enslaved by a toxic family and defined by their toxic projection onto them? This issue is epidemic. Reiki aligns it.
  2. Do you love your own body enough so that when you have sex, you don’t suck energy from the other person but just “share” who you are? If you truly love your body you will just enjoy each other’s bodies, you won’t feel the need to possess the other. The other person can feel it if you do that.
  3. Is your conversation and dynamic peaceful with the other person? Or are there feelings of tension, or one person does all the talking all the time while the other one listens. Do they ask you how YOU are or is it always about them?

Intuition comes into play here more than reason. Studies have shown that humans highly communicate through body language. Everybody has different feelings but it’s not others job to figure you out. It’s your job to figure you out and know how you feel. It’s called maturity and mindfulness. You are the one IN your relationship, other’s are not or should not be, so they are of no use coming to a decision, ultimately. Our friends can be a sounding board for our own feelings though. That’s what friends are for; not to tell you what to do in a relationship.

How do we define bonding?

  1. “I miss you when you’re not here.” You’re bonded
  2. ” I need you next to me in bed”. You’re bonded
  3. “I need to talk to you to feel secure.” You’re bonded
  4. “I want to be with you more or most of the time.” You’re bonded

The list can go on but it’s always, “I need”, “I want” like a child. As an adult, you are able to regulate feelings of need and want via your brain. If your brain isn’t regulating it, put boots on the ground again and get exercising, moving, eating healthy and drinking water. It’s that simple. Just do it and stop pondering it.

I think bonded is a misnomer. I’d say you’re latched on, like a baby breastfeeding on its mother or a small child getting the affirmation and attention that they need from their father. All of this is the subconscious mind repeating unresolved patterns with the birth parents. That’s the main problem in our society. We need to release subconscious programming and become adults in our conscious program that we design for ourselves.

Can women keep their feelings during sex and not bond? How?

Realize that your feelings are for yourself. The man is barely absorbing them or feeling them anyway because all he feels is your body. While it’s true that the body is your feelings and thoughts, being mentally aware of your feelings is a higher level of cognition that women have. Most men don’t have it. They haven’t evolved the skill of knowing how they feel past being hungry or horny. It’s unbelievable to women but it reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter when she referred to Ron as having the emotional range of a teaspoon. And it’s unfair for women to expect most men to be any different. That’s like asking women not to have breasts. Of course, we have breasts. It’s natural.

I would say “Yes”, we can love one another without traditional bonding but it’s not realistic to expect others to be able to. 98% of humans bond to one another and thus we have all the problems that we do on earth. People follow each other instead of their inner knowing. I personally think we need to grow past that but I certainly don’t expect it. True unity happens when we are all naturally sitting in our center. The fact is, we’re already bonded with all of life in the physical as one big family of Life. Just relax into that instead of adding another layer of latching on.

 

 

 

Making Love Vs. Just…Doing It.


I am very intuitive with my body and I believe most women are as well. Now that I’m dating again, I’m seeing that I set the tone for how things are going to proceed physically. That’s because it’s incredibly taboo for a man to force the situation. You really need our permission and to know we’re relaxed in order for you to be successful. We know that. It’s actually a little bit of pressure on the woman because as they say; “Women give sex to get a relationship and men give a relationship in order to get sex”. We have to assess you and figure out how much relationship you can stomach before we give in to sex. Man is that tricky because every guy has a different threshold of relationship skill and patience. We’re thinking that way while you’re thinking, “How can I get her to have sex with me now?” We know you’re thinking that. I don’t judge it. I feel it’s the way men’s brains are programmed, just like women are programmed to bond and we need to accept it about you. Neither of us is better than the other one.

That’s a little bit of a generalization but most women care about bonding, feelings, and a relationship in equal ratio with men caring about sex. The women who don’t remind me of Samantha Jones on “Sex and The City”. She’s pretty much masculinized in a feminine outfit on that show. That’s what happens when women adopt values that are patriarchal in nature and highly attributable to men. They want no bonding and nothing to do with a relationship. If a guy even asks to see her again or wants to stay over she gets upset. Yes, men want some relationship and she doesn’t even want that! I’m wondering if women are actually moving more toward that now?

As a woman, I feel like it’s important for men to know that hardly any woman on the planet just wants to fuck. We want to make love! Sadly, many women have given up and lead desperate lives in a fallow garden of never having sex the way they need it if they are with a man. It’s because the women won’t take it upon themselves to teach you what to do for them by doing it to you. If you don’t pay attention and learn something from her cues, how she’s touching, what her body is doing, and a bunch of other stuff, you won’t keep her. She will either put on layers and stop taking care of herself because she needs your money, cheat on you, or divorce you. Women need to let you know what they want, how they want to be made love to by how she touches you! I’m sorry, but men don’t know squat. It’s not in your nature! Club hands.

So, that’s what I’m doing with my man right now. It’s very cute and will likely be a long road, but he seems like a good student. And on the other end, I’m paying attention to his sexual energy as well which tells me everything about a guy and letting him set that tone. It’s a cooperative effort. Women and men are very different and need to listen to each other and be true to what they want while learning from the other person.

Here’s to everyone making more Love baby! Love your own body, love your partner’s body and let them know by how you touch them and speak to them.

 

Kiss Me

The Sacrifice Model Shores up Patriarchy


My last post was about men as subject, women as object and how that can pivot so that men are objectified as well under the paradigm of patriarchy.  That’s not something that most women are aware of. First, let me remind my readers that neither male nor female dominance in a civilization is ideal. We came from 5000 years of matriarchy which preceded patriarchy and now we are shifting again. My hope is that we don’t go back to the mistakes and abuses of matriarchy just because it’s in our collective unconscious ancestral memory. I believe women have evolved ahead of men but men have come a long way as well in 5000 years. The idea here is for humanity and the earth to move into our conscious minds, or reasonable mind engendered by the balance between intuition and rationality. That will then fill our households, the foundation of our societies the world over.

Gender equity or balance of power will lead us to less militarism, more peace, more great sex, and more love. Yes, I’m an idealist but some partners are succeeding. It occurred to me yesterday that when you have the subject-object system going, which is what patriarchy thrives on, both subject and object, both men and women are sacrificed for the profit of the 1% on the planet, even though patriarchy makes it appear as though men are in charge. They aren’t really. They only have what women let them have. Imagine for a moment the suggestion of “Lysistrata” coming to pass?

Lysistrata is a Greek comedy written by Aristophanes about women boycotting sex with men in order to quell the endless wars of that age. What if today, women all over the planet found the wherewithal to stop making porn videos altogether, stopped having sex with their husbands/boyfriends/partners, and halted reproduction until men got the message of respecting our humanity and not just looking to us for sex and food attention but as a friend and a mate? Maybe this is what lesbians wish would happen. There is a whole group of feminists that believe that until women take full charge of their body and stop sharing it with men, women don’t stand a chance of true liberation. I just ponder that in my circumstantial celibacy. I will say that it’s truly empowering to live alone and be in full charge of my body and my physical energy as a female. I’ve become fully aware of how much all of the men I’ve known have taken sex and food from me and how little they’ve truly given back. It’s not an awareness I relish and I’m certainly not saying that I believe all men do that.

Subjects are sacrificed to the 1% who in turn are brainwashed or socially engineered to sacrifice the objects. Men are “subjected” to the dictates of family, state, church, and corporation and sacrificed and rewarded for handing over the control of their heart and mind to that. That’s how Trump got elected in provincial, small-town America which is trapped in it’s subconscious, family-programmed mind!

Part of the purpose of the social engineering is to objectify and eat women for breakfast. Women are to be consumed; sexual consumption and food consumption. Men are not taught to see us as full human beings with a mind and heart but to overlook all of that, no matter how smart or successful we are in order to objectify and subsume us; no matter what. Her provision of children is only a mask for the man that makes him appear more socially acceptable to all of the institutions listed above. Let’s not forget that he is not acting from a whole heart and mind. If he did, he would be a damned artist or poet, drugged in a psych ward and living on the fringes.  We can’t have that frightful prospect, can we? I’m half kidding.

There are millions of men and women who are free spirits and see through the charade of civilization though and we own houses, pay our bills and mow the lawn. It does take guts to join us though and we’re usually not rich.

So you see the subject-object title is interchangeable. The subjects are also brought to be objects for the elite; especially in war (the honored dead, mostly male), in sports, and in corporate life. It’s incumbent on men and women to jump out of the subject-object roles and live a free life.

my-kite-1@2x

“My Kite” by Paige Bradley