What Causes a Man to Love a Woman?


April showers

I don’t love you! he says in the winter before he’s even met her.

The woman loves him first.

Love comes from the woman and grows.

First she loves herself, then him, then it begins.

Then she shows it.

The fructiferous, fecund spring floret

entices, gesticulates and wafts her

puissant, firm yellow, orange, or red hips

and engulfs the inconversant, comatose, innocent

male insect into her luscious, succulent, wet, petals

from the morning dew…

He wanders in, unwittingly, smelling the familiar pollen

gifted by the stamen.

Hermaphrodite freak, as arable and luxuriant as can be.

The blossom accidentally feeds the male with her nectar

and in, keen, eager, yearning for her ambrosia that is the natural wine of love…

he is silent.

You don’t love me? You haven’t drunk a drop.

When a woman decides she wants to wrap her wet pussy around a particular man, kiss him deeply and long, give him her sexual energy, her feelings, and activate her heart, he thinks he fell in love with her all by himself and initiated it. Then she feeds him a delicious meal. Don’t do all of that woman unless you’re sure you want him to stay!

Her body and her will took him if she knows what she’s doing. That’s my problem. My body wants to do all of that but I like being alone. Damn. I can’t lure him in then step on it. Women do that to men too much.

She picked him, started it, covered all the bases, and he finished it.

But can she continue in that love? Nature keeps changing her. Maybe she shouldn’t start at all because autumn will come again, then winter, and she must die back and return to the soil.

They are both undone and it’s only spring.

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“I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

Longing


kissing

 

Languishing, ardent desire isn’t a painful kind of suffering,

It’s fulfillment; the kind that worries lacking it.

Your voice…a deep bell struck under water causing small

ripples in my undertow.

It’s engorged life, fertile effulgent, flaming magma-like flow

Not too much! You’re perfect.

My sighing kisses embarrass for a moment while I check my breathing

It’s a strong, mutual heartbeat echoing through my body

And I believe I am undone…again.

 

Pleased


I wish I was pleased like a normal woman you see

but fucking isn’t that simple for me.

I’m sensitive to vibes, love, or lack of it

Monkey in trees, bull moose I’m not comin’.

I’ve plenty of space, time, and energy galore

but I just can’t see myself being your score.

Where a man just comes over to get me one off

I’m not pleased by just that, and it makes me scoff.

I’ve had plenty of THAT, it’s as easy as pie

I guess what I want is that pie in the sky

Love, warm kisses, caresses, and looks

Time to lay down next to him in his crook.

Put down your damn phone! and feel flesh after all

There’s more to my girl than just tits and my doll.

My whole body’s RIGHT HERE for you to enjoy,

Can one of you guys calm enough to employ

your heart and your senses to know who I am

care enough to spend time and just be a friend?

 

Probably not.

puzzle-klimt-eventail-index

 

 

Compromise With a Partner You Value


 

man and woman talkingThere is much talk lately about never sacrificing yourself in an intimate relationship with a lover or a partner. I agree that it never works to lie or to give up so much of your time and what you want and need to do with your body and energy that you become very unhappy.

I’m single, dating, totally getting healthy and feeling my goddess core after having been to hell and back with men and babies dying; four all together. I have a wonderful son who is twenty. He’s a fabulous man and trying to figure it out as we all did at twenty. As I look for a new partner at the age of fifty-six the landscape and reason for mating is completely different and has completely changed. The younger men don’t even hesitate now to let me know of their interest and I actually really like younger men…as lovers and friends. They are far more open-minded and less biased. But as a mate? I’m truly leaning toward someone my age so that we can support and understand one another.

It seems to me that mating is now more about friendship, cooperation, and helping one another for the second half of our lives. The libido is there and there has to be an attraction but in no way is sex the same because I can’t get pregnant. It’s a big deal and huge incentive to stay mobile, hip, and sexy. As you age you really do need more help, more muscle, and a helpmate for different reasons instead of raising children.

However, there is a big difference now between giving something up of my single life habits in middle age and the sacrifice for my family in my youth. You realize this might be your last hurrah with mating love; real love; not love based on societal marriage and children which is based on family norms and proscribed roles. Love in middle age is completely free. No one has to approve of you because you’re going to have children together.  You’re not going to merge immediate families necessarily. You can if you want, I suppose just out of habit, but there is no obligation to. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks; at all. There are no expectations on any front because you don’t share DNA with children.

When you value someone’s presence in your life, you let go of a habit or activity and compromise because you want to not because you have to. So there is no more sacrifice. It can be unconditional love. The fact of the matter is, when you have a spouse and children, you HAVE to do certain things. There is no choice whether you like it or not. Honestly, becoming a parent does require sacrifice which is very worth it, is extremely hard but it ends and many people are left alone in their house. Some people hate it. I love it! I really enjoyed having a family but I love my own life too and have been pondering whether I’d want to give up pieces of it for a new mate.

I’d be willing to adjust if I really loved and valued my partner and knew that we were reciprocating. There is no way I’d fall into my old role of jumping when he needed me, jumping when my son needed me, cooking when they’re hungry. Nope. Once in a while, I might but not if I don’t feel like it. There would also be much more space in our togetherness because you really do treasure your alone time after you’ve had a family. The quiet is really priceless.

So, The Men Are Just Being Friendly


zoosk

It doesn’t mean anything. When they have sex with you, they’re just being friendly! I just woke up to this and cannot stop laughing over my espresso. All the trouble they have to go through to just to be friendly with a woman! “Why do we make it so complicated?!” they cry. Lmao. And I haven’t eaten breakfast yet.

Oh my. Why do they have to bother with the fake romance and talking, and caring, and buying a drink and the lying about not seeing anyone else? Why do women have to be so human and want to bond and have a relationship? I actually don’t want a relationship with a man. Why would I pine for something that they’re not capable of? Earth is a fallow garden for us. Sex with no love. Oh yeah. Troll sex. No thanks.

I’m back to Rajesh and Penny from Big Bang Theory. Penny says, “Look, sex can ruin a friendship. I just want to go back to just being friends.” (big audience sigh which I hate bc it shows empathy for the fragile male ego but not the love and bonding needs of the female which are noble and elevate the sex bond). Rajesh says, “You can’t ruin a friendship with sex! That’s like ruining chocolate ice cream with sprinkles.” Sex with a woman is analogous to ice cream with sprinkles. There ya have it! And we’re at “Blues Clues” level or maybe Romper Room. Where’s my loot bag from the birthday party? Really guys? Yeah…really. They seem to be set at any emotional level from 2 years old to 18 years old but not very far past adolescence. The ones at the adolescence stage are angry and clever, maybe a bit crazy. If women are going to hobnob with straight men, we really need to accept this state of affairs because that’s their brain set up!
But Penny gets her way. In this scenario, he doesn’t rape her but all over the world, if a woman says “No” to a request, desire, or demand for sex she’s raped. The least that you’ll get is anger and then dissing. Am I good at sex? Hell yes. But you’re not going to find out if you aren’t truly warm and loving to me!!!! Couple that with being a smart ass about it and I’m toast.
If Rajesh was a criminal or they were in another country, Penny would not have been safe at all. This is what women have to look out for constantly with men. It’s documented in a couple books I have, one great one written by the reviled and scapegoated Hillary Clinton called “The Hillary Doctrine”. Fabulous book.

The Hillary Doctrine

I was just punished by my date! He reeled me in, didn’t get his way, and his way was unreasonable because he wanted me to travel in a snowstorm at midnight just for sex, and dropped me like a hot potato. I hope he suffers something now and I didn’t even have a second date with him. He’s f*d up to do that to a Goddess like me.

And with that, men hurl because, in order to keep us accessible at your level, you have to treat us like manipulative hoes and bitches, which in truth, none of us are. We are protecting ourselves from our proven predators. All women are Goddesses. The Gods can’t even create life. They need Mother Spirit who is the Mother of us all. But she is silenced on the planet and mortal men who would be gods and superheroes tamper with real powers of creation that reside only in the female and do not honor or protect her heart or her power because they are jealous of what they can never be; creators of life. But the men will deny their emasculating admiration for her as long as possible. For that, it’s likely the species will end once again.

With No Contact, The Attraction Wears Off


zooskI believe studies have shown this about women. The initial hormone high of attraction falls away if there is no contact, no talking (hearing his voice), you don’t see him and you receive no communication. That has been the case here. Because I’m intuitive, that has all kicked in very strong and I recommend following your intuition to women when it comes to these situations. Reason being, your body, and brain send certain signals based on ancestral DNA and successful reproduction in terms of sexual attraction and your soul intuition sends another. It’s unfortunate that the two are not always on the same track but I can tell you they are not.

I texted him and left one call regarding my Zoosk account getting hacked and being paused. I have heard nothing back. If a man isn’t as active on the account after he meets you, that’s a sign that he’s focused on you, but he was back on and not contacting me directly. Then I assume he was out in the alley again but I don’t know for sure. Ok! I wasn’t. I was watching him. What I know about men is, if they have not had sex with you and they don’t think they’re going to have sex with you in the immediate future, they have absolutely no motivation for communicating with you past the first date. 

 

There is no way two people can value each other as human beings after only one date or even a couple dates! That means women, that even if you wait for a couple dates to have sex with him, there is no way you’re setting a tone for a relationship, love, or bonding to happen and he will continue to be an alley dog, learning nothing, and finding any b…. he fancies online who will give it to him quickly. That is men’s nature. They are not to be judged for that. I’m making the point that if you want something different and he seems like a man to reproduce with or love, you cannot have sex with him right away. He needs self-discipline, not indulgence. If he shows no interest then and moves on, just because you wouldn’t have sex, he was not your reproduction type anyway. And usually, a man will say up front that he IS looking for a relationship which could mean several things. Mostly, he may want children and a home. Men want that too. Just know that he will be a softer, more domesticated type and not as virile.

My situation is somewhat different because I’m not looking for a man to reproduce with. However, it’s the same in that I only want bonded sex, not alley sex. I need love with a man to be turned on and that is absolutely how I’m wired. I’m monogamous and want a lover but I don’t like marriage. I know who I already love and who I want to share myself with for the second half of my life; my twin flame. But he’s not communicating with me very much or at least he’s not initiating at the moment and lives 1800 miles away. For me, it’s a matter of being patient because I know what’s going on with him. What I can tell you is that he is very strong in my psychic, etheric space and that really counts with Twin Flames. So why am I on Zoosk? I’m testing myself and the energy. I also want to hang out and date to be social. I like men.

man and woman talkingAnother thing about women is our sexual interest has everything to do with a man’s voice and how he talks to us. It just is. This is huge for men to accept if any of you are reading this. Maybe women are different on this but I don’t think so. I think all women are very strongly affected by the tone of voice and sincerity of voice from a man. We can tell when you’re lying which is most of the time. If you are an honest man and tell the truth, that is very sexy and very impressive. Just don’t say, “Yeah, I think you ARE fat! And by the way, your ass is big!” lolololol. My male friend in another state who I text and talk with said to me, “We lie because it works!” I said, “No it doesn’t! We can always tell and then you come down a few notches to us and have less chance of sex with us.” He must be referring to lying working on women that aren’t too bright. Don’t get me started on that.

It’s a good thing I really love my single life and have made a life for myself. Dealing with men is really so much gaming and brain mush. My Zoosk fellow is still up north for the week working. The weather in Michigan has been “stay off the roads!”. He told me he would be gone for a week after our first date. Maybe when he’s done with his project he’ll contact me. I honestly don’t care that much and have no emotion invested in him because he’s not talking to me. Men are unpredictable. I still think he’s super cute but we’ll have to have a second date and see how the vibe is since he wouldn’t talk to me all week. And maybe I’m not that interested now. I’m unpredictable too. This is the dance we do. Just don’t chase him, women! Let him come to you. Again, think of a dog and how you’d deal with one. My son’s father is the one that made me accept that visual. I would never suggest that about men but that’s because I’m idealistic. Now that I’m middle-aged I’m realistic.

 

Women Can Appear…


Women can appear critical but really be very accepting and patient in the long view.

We’re just natural teachers.

Women can appear stoic and in control but our hearts are breaking.

We’re just used to not being respected or loved by men so we don’t show our vulnerability.

Women can act or seem weak but we learn that superficial behavior because it’s the only way we’ll get attention or the touch we need; not sex necessarily, although sex is great if there are warmth and care.

We’re just taught by society that it’s incredibly unacceptable for a woman to be powerful and decisive because men will feel intimidated and lash out, but in truth we are powerful and we know it.

Women act like we don’t know how beautiful we are but in truth, we know how much our bodies sway others and some women exploit it to get their way.

We’re just used to being valued only for that; over-sexualized, and not for our minds. Almost all women value beauty.

Women act like they’re not as smart as men but in truth, we all tell each other we know we’re smarter and most of the time, we are. Most women hide it.

We’re just literally paid less and punished in every freaking field we enter if we show we’re smarter than the men. This is incredible oppression and depressing for us the world over. Not to mention the loss to humanity of our ideas and inventions.

Most women find men adorable in so many different ways but we continue to shake our heads at your dramatic, irrational behavior sometimes.

We just love the special one that we pick and want to be your best friend if you’ll let us. It’s not control, it’s love.

Please let us be who we are in our power and beauty without abandoning us or pushing us away. But if and when you do, we always have ourselves and will not allow the human species, which we carry; die because of your choices and the institutions you control. Our bodies and our hearts are PRICELESS. Every woman LOVES deeply and truly and that is our gift and our power.

The art of Gustav Klimpt

 

 

 

 

Reciprocation in Love


Lack of reciprocation in love is like a one-sided conversation where you’re on the phone and one person does all the talking while the other person listens.

How is that love?

It’s selfish and indulgent on the part of the person doing all the talking.

There is no REAL conversation.

If there is no reciprocation, there is no love.

In my experience, people who know how to listen are secure and love themselves and people who won’t stop talking and need to offload are insecure and don’t love themselves.

If you don’t love yourself, you’re not listening to yourself or anyone else so maybe start there before you try to bond with someone else.

The people who keep listening to you obviously care about you but after a while, they’ll give up.

boy-and-girl-engage-in-yoga-on-the-nature-a-man-and-a-woman-meditating-in-the-mountains-people-relax-at-sunset_hkmosmfrx_thumbnail-full01

I Had a Breakneck Dream About My Little Sister


me and my sisters

That’s me on the left. My little sister is on the far right. Don’t ya love our Keds? Of course, she’s not little anymore she’s just my younger sister. But I always felt very protective of her and we did everything together as little kids so I still think of her as little. She was a sweetpea as a child and I loved her. I still love her.

I’ve blogged on this before, but part of being intuitive and respecting your intuition means paying attention to your dreams, remembering them, deciphering them, and realizing that sometimes, they’re real and prescient. Not all dreams feel real. Some are just cleansing of the unconscious mind to free it up for new movement when you wake up.

This dream was real and was a whammy. I dreamt that I was in an ethereal house with my sister and my Dad and he was being his typical good ole’ boy midwestern religious self, pretty much the same energy that every woman still runs into with men these days. Honestly, he was no different. He was inappropriate and a user; in other words, abusive which is normal for how men treat women. Women like to be in denial about the nature of males all the time and I refuse to be. Many are far past compliant in order to stay alive! Most are our predators, lock, stock, and barrel. They are not givers, they are takers and want sex, food, and respect, not necessarily in that order. My father was no different. I know not all men are that way and my mates have been good men. I just see far more of the negative kind and it pays to be vigilant.

In the dream, my sister was suffering from this emotional energy in our home as all women suffer in our society from the lack of love and attempted victimization from men when they just want something from us and are not interested in reciprocation on a mature level; meaning spiritually and emotionally.

I wrapped my arms so strongly and lovingly around my sister in the dream and took her away from him, that I have never felt that type of enveloping energy come from within me since. To this day, I feel that way about all humans who are preyed on by monstrous energy. It’s mother dragon energy like Dany in Game of Thrones.

dany-drogon

I took her to my home and took care of her. It was a deep, beautiful, nurturing energy that I’d forgotten over the last 10 years because we haven’t really had a relationship. She married a man that, like my father, was a predator but in this case, he was violent as well. My father wasn’t violent. Her husband threatened to kill everyone in my family and she submitted to his power threats as so many women do. When I told my mother years ago that I strongly felt she needed to flee to a safe house and file for divorce my Mom’s response was, “She can’t do that. He’ll kill those children.” More dysfunction.

So I had my sister with me. Then the dream changed and she was walking outside of an apartment building with her things and putting them on the curb. I looked at the street signs and I didn’t know where she was so I couldn’t pick her up and take her to a new place. But the most disturbing part of this was that when I saw her with her friends, she had completely changed. I didn’t know who she was anymore.

That is accurate today. Acquiescing to the abuse of my Dad and then her husband changed her personality and her soul and I didn’t know who she was anymore. It was a wrenching dream and one for which I had genuine tears. Add to that that I am not allowed a relationship with my three nieces and nephews because of it.

I was going to call my Mom and talk to her but synchronistically realized when I woke up that my Mom and her mate were out there visiting them. Now, what was this about? I knew my Mom would call me and she did, that same day, and I knew something was wrong. I answered her call and before she could tell me anything I told her my dream and she said, “Well, that’s spot on because here is what’s happening.”

The short of it is, I had picked up on my younger sister pulling on me spiritually and emotionally for real because she was going through the wringer. I even called her yesterday to let her know I was there for her. I haven’t heard from her and don’t imagine I will. As in my dream, she cut me off long ago to merge with the dark side of male predation as so many women do instead of claiming their own power to run their lives and stand in the light of personal power. It’s not easy even in 2019.

In 3D, her daughter, my niece, is spilling the beans to my Aunt about some trauma and it’s shaking loose the family dysfunction. I doubt I’ll be much of a part of any of this drama because I let go of all my family drama 25 years ago and have been on a spiritual journey of independent empowerment every since. That’s what happens when you leave behind your family dysfunction, I’m happy to say.

However, I love my sister and the rest of my family and it will never cease to affect me that they continue to let others hurt them instead of loving themselves and then turn around and hurt their own children and the rest of the people around them. Then the karma starts to build up for them. It defines toxic relationships. Sometimes, you have to bless and release so that you can continue to be of service with your own gifts while you have time on the planet. That’s what I’ve done. But I still have these dreams happen over which I have no control. I just live with knowing things pretty much all the time. The truth is good in a world full of lies.