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Heartset; Take Good Care of My Heart?


Who should take good care of your heart? The only one taking care of your heart should be you. Only share it with everyone else. Your heart condition is your business! Anything else has a disaster at the end of it or chaos. We all know this! Why do people keep doing it? Because it feels good…for a while! It doesn’t last peeps. Lust feels good. Love lasts forever and that comes from loving yourself and being your own best friend.

Do you remember this song? It’s originally a 1984 Jermaine Jackson, Whitney Houston tune. This a new arrangement. Once again, I like the music but completely disagree with the lyrics. LOL! Nevertheless, these two seem like good friends and are flirting galore. That’s very cool. I’m a musician. Musicians have quite a bit of creative eros between them so usually, things flow.

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Heartset; “I love you”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is “I want to consume you like a delicious brownie.” But in truth, they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for and want a piece of it. It’s delicious! It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to be with you in person. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction to self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring and loving because they love and care for themselves and have forgiven those that have hurt them because the people who did that don’t love themselves. Welcome to Earth.

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Prose; Adoration Be Damned


pink roses
I’m stalking a case for spring in the autumn of my middle age.

My assembled energy is diametrically opposite that of needing the validation of an amassed group of imposters pretending to agree so they can drink together later.

It’s not that I don’t like the group, or that I don’t occasionally have a very dry martini, I just don’t viscerally need the group. They get exhumed energy from each other; even demand it threatening social castigation, as though there would be any real loss there.

I haven’t figured out how to affix myself to a rumbling male in my present condition.

In addition, my mephitic eighteen-year-old son will be moving out of the house soon to go on his way to sow his oats and beans. My peaceful environment is proliferating.

As I think back on the men/mates I’ve adored and who have adored me, as vain as that sounds, it was called love at the time and then it turned into territorial civil war and possessive jealousy.

I’m pretty sure that uncorked behavior is common and some couples like it that way but some don’t. I don’t.

It’s just that, in this new paradigm of sitting in my body and owning myself, that adoration doesn’t feel like it’s all it’s cracked up to be.

It feels as though I’ve forged an alliance with a fawning cat whose nursing by pushing its paws into my chest.

Maybe it’s just the mood I’m in.

When a man starts to adore me he wants to own me, my time, and my body, like a puppy!

That’s been my experience with every man I’ve been with except this last guy I dated. He left me in the dog house neglected, but at least he didn’t bug me. I know there are all the ideas about giving your mate the space they need, but then the real emotions of amorous desire creep in.

“I want you”, “I adore you”, “I need you”, “I love you”, “I miss you” becomes a medieval prison!

I used to think I wanted to be adored by a man with high self-esteem and all the pheromones I need to be turned on, but now I’m not so sure.

I love my life, my work, my friends, and my home. Maybe all of that adoration would be oppressive! I’d have to respond after all or that would be rude.

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Essay; 10 Reasons It’s Hard For Smart Women To Find Love


Winter Scenes in Moonlight

Nicole Timmons said what I usually say this time so I have a back-up. I love back-up which is so rare for me. There are few, very few allies for this blogger.

By Nicole Timmons

Finding love is not an easy feat for anyone. If you are a woman who is of a higher intellect, chances are you have had an even harder time finding a fulfilling relationship. Society tends to think less of a woman who is single as if there is something inherently wrong with them. This is definitely not the case. Below are 10 reasons why it can be harder for smart women to find love.

1. They aren’t afraid to be by themselves.

Smart women know what they want and aren’t willing to settle for anything less. They know the importance of staying true to themselves and they also realize that sacrificing their needs for the sake of love with the wrong person will only cause resentment in the long run. They do not have to settle out of fear of being alone, or fear of social implications by others’ who do not understand a woman’s ability to be by herself and be happy.

2. They know what they want.

Every woman has a mental “checklist” of what they are looking for in a significant other. A smart woman’s checklist tends to be either longer or more specific than those who want a significant other, just to have a significant other. They know themselves and in turn, know what type of person they can and can’t be with.

3. They don’t need another person to facilitate their lifestyle.

The past portrays that women needed to go straight from their father’s house to their husband’s. In the modern world women no longer need another person to help them live on their own; they may have realized they prefer that alone time. Therefore, knowing that they will eventually have to share that space can be scary for an independent woman.

4. They have other commitments that take priority over dating.

Careers, friendships, family, extra-curricular pursuits, whatever it is that she has going on may not allow for as much time to date as it takes to find the right mate.

5. They are hyper-aware that relationships end and can let their knowledge of the past affect their future potential relationships.

They have a harder time “living in the moment” and do not want to waste their time; as time truly is a valuable asset to a smart woman. They need to know that there is a future and that their potential mate is on the same page.  Marriages, kids, finances, etc.

6. They know that attraction is only half the battle.

Physical attraction is an important aspect of finding love, but smart women understand that attraction is fleeting and can be altered once you see what is underneath.  While a woman’s hormones tend to make the first step towards finding love, smart women understand that it is the intimacy developed (and maintained) by both people that dictate whether or not a relationship can last.

7. They can be intimidating.

When a woman is intelligent she isn’t afraid to stand up and say what she thinks. This is a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow. Whether it’s because they don’t know how to react, or if it’s because they don’t feel they can live up to her expectations; either way, it can be somewhat intimidating for potential lovers and even friends.

8. They understand change.

They don’t pretend that they, and their partners, will be the same person years down the road. They want to grow and they have ambitions for their futures that will change who they are, and ultimately, what they want. Knowing this makes it harder for a woman to commit to a partner for a long period of time.

9. They have a vast understanding of modern dating practices and don’t necessarily like, nor agree, with them.

Dating is no longer a means of survival for women. As stated before, since we no longer need to be passed from father to husband as well as we have the capability to live alone – dating is truly meant to find a companion whom you love and want to share your life, interests, and future with.

10. They know not to trust their hearts with just anyone.

This reason is the culmination of all of the ways it is harder for smart women to find love. Deciding whether someone is worthy of an intelligent woman’s heart is not an easy task and we do not take it lightly. Intelligent women have to weigh the pro’s and con’s and decide if the risk of loving another person is worth the devastation that can occur if it doesn’t work out.

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Essay; Friendship First When Dating


man and woman

…or you can be sure she is using you for sex, which is what she assumes is the main thing you want and you both go down together. No one’s life is improving there. If it’s what you both want I guess it’s fine but it’s not what I want. I’ve decided I want the whole deal again.

It’s a good idea right off the bat to be honest about what you’re looking for. There are plenty of women who just want sex and not a relationship also! You can also pay for a woman’s services and they will be professionals, fit, limber, lingerie, come-fuck-me-heels, ready to go for a price! They are the ones who are cynical about men and have given up on love and have no faith in men to be intelligent, relational, human beings.

Every woman has given up on men at some point on a heart level but not all of us can do that to our bodies.  It’s toxic energy but many men are actually at the level and staying at that level. I’m not in denial about it.  I don’t think that will be good sex, but, hey, everyone has their standards. I don’t shame men anymore either. I actually believe it’s men’s natural level to be absolutely shallow about sex and natural for women not to be. The much bigger deal to them is friendship and caring. Sex is easy for men and they’ve been shamed for it, unjustly. Women aren’t shamed for being relational or wanting to have children which all comes naturally to us! We need to stop sex-shaming everyone! So there is absolutely no point of lying and using a good woman who wants friendship, to get to know you as a person, to be with you, and possibly the whole deal.

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Essay; I’m Sort of Training Him


zooskHe’s acting more like a human being than a dog in heat now through my gentle instruction. I’m teaching him how to treat me which I think all men need. Yes it makes them high maintenance but some of them are so dang cute, I do bother with it.  Still, this guy is a live wire. Good thing I guess because I tend to be too. For my young readers, we’re in our late 50’s and sex gets hotter not less hot, just for the record. There is plenty of libidos there. I’ve been through this too many times with men not to know what’s going on.

Men are very emotional; far more than women yet they have no societal permission to express it. They express it through sexuality if given the opportunity. I accept it now. I’ve seen it so many times that it would be like asking a dog not to bark or a baby not to cry. Men are lusty.

Some cultures also have the matriarchal thing going on where the man’s mother either adored him too much and never emotionally let him go or the opposite. Either way, it messes with a man’s intimacy wiring. He is a very handsome Hispanic, very foxy, super hot lips and…everything. But I’ve heard the Hispanic mothers love their children more than any man or anything in the world. Maybe the adoration is over the top and the males can’t bring themselves to be truly intimate with another woman; a heart bond specifically.

Once again, he has children but never married. I’m only hearing this on Zoosk from the Hispanic men. Interesting. Holy crap, as a white woman, I try to fathom HOW? a man can have three children with a woman and never love her enough or the family enough to marry her? And why would a woman do that with a man? In the white culture, we’re taught that you owe it to the woman and children to show your loyalty, support, and presence for her and the children through that ritual and then you’re monogamous during that time. My followers know I don’t believe marriages last and that’s nature, but while you’re young and have a family, I do believe you need to be married. I’m thinking these men have yet to ground their emotional independence from mother and family and thus, they can barely begin or ground their own family. Sounds tragic to me and is quite enlightening.

I need a heart bond with a man or I’ll find my lusty self using his ass. See, that’s what’s unfair! So say we do have hot sex. He cannot think, by a long stretch, that he, or I, are in love with each other and circle wagons around me. So then you’re in that territory and someone will get hurt because there is some kind of intense attachment there because of the sex but it’s not love. I know that but I don’t think he will.

I know we have nothing in common. I know he’s not my type in terms of personality. I am reminded of the line from Bernadette on Big Bang Theory when she was chatting with Penny in her room about having a hookup. She said with a huge smile on her face, “You mean like having your way with him and throwing him to the curb with teeth marks on his hiney?” Penny says, “I’m not going to do that!” But then she changes her mind. That’s what being horny does to us and we don’t prefer doing it. Yes, we like hot sex as much as men but it starts to complicate things.

I just don’t know. My twin flame emailed me back this morning and he was such a brat. He either treats me like a queen or like he acts like he hates me and won’t forgive the missteps when I was out there. Seriously, what is that?? He is resisting his feelings for me I think and because I’m in love with him and he knows it, I’m not going away. He can push all he wants, like until we die and I’ll see him on the other side.

Then I live with unrequited love. I have no control over a man’s heart and I have no control over who I love and who I don’t. It just follows nature, like my body. What should I do? Will a liaison with this Zoosk guy mess up the vibe with my Twin Flame? My intuition says it might. But I’m not one to live with unrequited love either.

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Prose; “I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

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Heartset; “I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

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Essay; Compromise With a Partner You Value


 

man and woman talkingThere is much talk lately about never sacrificing yourself in an intimate relationship with a lover or a partner. I agree that it never works to lie or to give up so much of your time and what you want and need to do with your body and energy that you become very unhappy.

I’m single, dating, totally getting healthy and feeling my goddess core after having been to hell and back with men and babies dying; four altogether. I have a wonderful son who is twenty. He’s a fabulous man and trying to figure it out as we all did at twenty. As I look for a new partner at the age of fifty-six the landscape and reason for mating is completely different and has completely changed. The younger men don’t even hesitate now to let me know of their interest and I actually really like younger men…as lovers and friends. They are far more open-minded and less biased. But as a mate? I’m truly leaning toward someone my age so that we can support and understand one another.

It seems to me that mating is now more about friendship, cooperation, and helping one another for the second half of our lives. The libido is there and there has to be an attraction but in no way is sex the same because I can’t get pregnant. It’s a big deal and huge incentive to stay mobile, hip, and sexy. As you age you really do need more help, more muscle, and a helpmate for different reasons instead of raising children.

However, there is a big difference now between giving something up of my single life habits in middle age and the sacrifice for my family in my youth. You realize this might be your last hurrah with mating love; real love; not love based on societal marriage and children which is based on family norms and proscribed roles. Love in middle age is completely free. No one has to approve of you because you’re going to have children together.  You’re not going to merge immediate families necessarily. You can if you want, I suppose just out of habit, but there is no obligation to. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks; at all. There are no expectations on any front because you don’t share DNA with children.

When you value someone’s presence in your life, you let go of a habit or activity and compromise because you want to not because you have to. So there is no more sacrifice. It can be unconditional love. The fact of the matter is, when you have a spouse and children, you HAVE to do certain things. There is no choice whether you like it or not. Honestly, becoming a parent does require sacrifice which is very worth it, is extremely hard but it ends and many people are left alone in their house. Some people hate it. I love it! I really enjoyed having a family but I love my own life too and have been pondering whether I’d want to give up pieces of it for a new mate.

I’d be willing to adjust if I really loved and valued my partner and knew that we were reciprocating. There is no way I’d fall into my old role of jumping when he needed me, jumping when my son needed me, cooking when they’re hungry. Nope. Once in a while, I might but not if I don’t feel like it. There would also be much more space in our togetherness because you really do treasure your alone time after you’ve had a family. The quiet is really priceless.