Essay; 10 Reasons It’s Hard For Smart Women To Find Love


1. They aren’t afraid to be by themselves.

Smart women know what they want and aren’t willing to settle for anything less. They know the importance of staying true to themselves and they also realize that sacrificing their needs for the sake of love with the wrong person will only cause resentment in the long run. They do not have to settle out of fear of being alone, or fear of social implications by others’ who do not understand a woman’s ability to be by herself and be happy.

2. They know what they want.

Every woman has a mental “checklist” of what they are looking for in a significant other. A smart woman’s checklist tends to be either longer or more specific than those who want a significant other, just to have a significant other. They know themselves and in turn, know what type of person they can and can’t be with.

3. They don’t need another person to facilitate their lifestyle.

The past portrays that women needed to go straight from their father’s house to their husband’s. In the modern world women no longer need another person to help them live on their own; they may have realized they prefer that alone time. Therefore, knowing that they will eventually have to share that space can be scary for an independent woman.

4. They have other commitments that take priority over dating.

Careers, friendships, family, extra-curricular pursuits, whatever it is that she has going on may not allow for as much time to date as it takes to find the right mate.

5. They are hyper-aware that relationships end and can let their knowledge of the past affect their future potential relationships.

They have a harder time “living in the moment” and do not want to waste their time; as time truly is a valuable asset to a smart woman. They need to know that there is a future and that their potential mate is on the same page.  Marriages, kids, finances, etc.

6. They know that attraction is only half the battle.

Physical attraction is an important aspect of finding love, but smart women understand that attraction is fleeting and can be altered once you see what is underneath.  While a woman’s hormones tend to make the first step towards finding love, smart women understand that it is the intimacy developed (and maintained) by both people that dictate whether or not a relationship can last.

7. They can be intimidating.

When a woman is intelligent she isn’t afraid to stand up and say what she thinks. This is a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow. Whether it’s because they don’t know how to react, or if it’s because they don’t feel they can live up to her expectations; either way, it can be somewhat intimidating for potential lovers and even friends.

8. They understand change.

They don’t pretend that they, and their partners, will be the same person years down the road. They want to grow and they have ambitions for their futures that will change who they are, and ultimately, what they want. Knowing this makes it harder for a woman to commit to a partner for a long period of time.

9. They have a vast understanding of modern dating practices and don’t necessarily like, nor agree, with them.

Dating is no longer a means of survival for women. As stated before, since we no longer need to be passed from father to husband as well as we have the capability to live alone – dating is truly meant to find a companion whom you love and want to share your life, interests, and future with.

10. They know not to trust their hearts with just anyone.

This reason is the culmination of all of the ways it is harder for smart women to find love. Deciding whether someone is worthy of an intelligent woman’s heart is not an easy task and we do not take it lightly. Intelligent women have to weigh the pro’s and con’s and decide if the risk of loving another person is worth the devastation that can occur if it doesn’t work out.

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Essay; Misconceptions About Strong Women


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Strong women have been broken and usually ripped to shreds and used by family, death, life, employers, and the opposite sex and don’t sink to the bottom, use others cynically or crack up. They remain open, brave, active warriors on this very difficult planet that says “Love” all the time but doesn’t do it. They do it and it bears fruit. They understand that forgiveness is for their good, not the abuser and they don’t feel one bit of guilt about it.

The misconceptions are:

We are independent, not interdependent

We are not usually independent we are interdependent. Interdependent means we depend on others and they depend on us. We count on the people we live and work with to do self-care also so we can depend on them when we need them. We take care of ourselves so they can depend on us when they need us. This creates trust and function. It’s called adult reciprocity.

It’s harder for a man to live or bond to us

It’s impossible for a weak man to even get our attention. We are attracted to strong, self-contained men and there aren’t very many to choose from. What is weak? Poor health, poor looks, poor hygiene, poor social skills, bad teeth, poor finances, wears a baseball cap all the time, wears a suit all the time, wears sunglasses all the time, hides behind religion, cares about his orgasm more than mine, looking for a hook-up, no relationship skills, doesn’t respect women or to spend friendship time with one, believes women have their place, feels women are too controlling.

It’s exceptionally easy for a good, strong, interdependent man to live or bond with a strong woman because she’s trustworthy. Is he? She’s always there for herself and others so she’ll be there for you. You can’t really take advantage or get one over on her and she has no time to control you because she’s busy controlling her own life. Sounds sexy to me.

We need others less than most people

The truth is we really struggle to find women who aren’t jealous or won’t compete with us, who love and like us and care about our struggles and weaknesses and who haven’t sacrificed themselves lock, stock, and barrel to a spouse or family or latched themselves to a partner that defines them. We have fewer friends than most people because we tend to be dissed by most women and men so the truth is, we need people more. We also tend to invest a large amount of energy in our work.

We’re high maintenance

We are high maintenance for ourselves, not for others. Egotistical women are high maintenance. Strong women expect the most from themselves, not from others. We don’t usually expect anything from others unless they love us, understand us or offer. It’s very rare that anyone does. We’re actually the lowest maintenance person because we take care of ourselves…all the time. We actually have no choice given our values of integrity and how broken we’ve been by being kind to those that hate themselves and are looking to get, get, get, and take, not give.

We’re bitches

Strong women are confident, kind and liberal. They are not cruel and controlling. Strong women are the most loving, kind, empathic, considerate people I know and because we’re not centered in ego, others think we’re foolish or chumps. Wrong. Egotistical women are bitches and sit in their woundedness, getting revenge when they can. That’s weak. There is nothing worse on the planet than a cruel, foolish, ignorant woman. Strong women want to empower others and themselves with their work and believe in the gifts of the spirit.

We’re selfish

If you define selfish with a capital “S” then we are always working to be sitting in our Higher Self. We won’t let negativity, resentment, the past, and followers bring us down or dissuade us from our mission. We tend to be leaders and entrepreneurs. Selfish with a small “s” are usually women still stuck in their adolescence developmentally for whatever reason. It’s important for men to think about their previous relationships and decipher whether she was selfish and not project that onto a strong woman.

Strong women spend a lot of time alone because we need to replenish our energy from the joy of giving to others and taking care of ourselves at the same time. Most of us are never lonely and enjoy being single. That is the case for me. We welcome friends or partners that won’t compete, be jealous, try to put their thumb on us or break our backs to make themselves look bigger but we usually do end up alone while everyone climbs the human dog pile to see if they can get to the top and snag the trophy that means nothing to us.

Essay; an Expiration Date is Normal for Monogamy & Marriage


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I’ve been married and divorced three times and I don’t regret any of it. All three of my husbands were brilliant, adoring men who tend to be what I prefer. I’m not an easy woman to live with because I’m passionate, freedom-loving, willful, very physical, and intelligent. I’m pretty much a wild filly although when people see me, they assume I’m a chump or a pushover because I’m full of love, warmth and feminine energy. That’s all true until you cross my line. I’m very patient and will discuss anything and everything until I see you’re immature or not reciprocating. Then I’ll silently walk away.

Two of them actually ended because of death or tragedy. Those two reasons for divorce are beyond our control. It takes a very negative toll on love and you both descend into the black hole of loss. Be sure to get help and climb out of it before you try to be in a relationship again. Otherwise, you’re offloading that grief onto someone else that doesn’t deserve it. You have to heal yourself with professional help.

There aren’t very many reasons to feel guilty about divorce. Life happens and it’s all difficult. Of course, this is my opinion from fifty-six years of observing humans and myself. Most couples do divorce after their kids are grown. And then sometimes they decide they are friends and get back together again. But the basis of any relationship needs to be friendship. Monogamy and marriage are a good idea when you’re reproductive age and having children. Your kids need both parents present if indeed they are present. Of course, the structure won’t work if one parent is busy being a workaholic or some other addiction. Then it’s all fake and harmful for the children. Still, you can try.

The balance of power between women and men outside of monogamy will only work if both are in complete freedom with their body and sex life. No more double standard. Also, the romantic fantasy needs to take a hike. Women are responsible for their feelings and men theirs. We no longer “make each other feel…”. The other day my friend advised, “Don’t be a nurse or a purse.” That can go both ways with a man or a woman! Meaning, seek interdependency, not dependency. When you’re married and monogamous, having a family, you’re dependent on one another. That’s just a reality but will end when the children are grown.

There is no expected possession, dependency or monitoring after monogamy. That’s parental behavior. I like monogamy but it should flow naturally out of what you feel, not rules, and is really only required when there are children involved. It should not be an expectation otherwise. I can’t remember a time when I did not hold this as a value. Even as a child I would express this kind of thing to my mother and she’d just snicker. I just believe in freedom, love, and creativity. If you have some emotional heavies to deal with, seek out a counselor. Don’t offload on family or friends. I think being too heavy or negative can ruin relationships. Everyone is at different levels with this but running more positive and less toxic energy should be at the ratio 85/15. I mean, a minor complaint or little fit is no big deal with a friend or lover but an ongoing heavy emotional habit or dysfunctional addiction is a relationship killer. There is no winning on that one. You must both be taking care of yourselves, yourself or you’re not desirable. That’s a no-brainer.

There is no rational point of marriage or monogamy after you’ve been married and had kids. There is no point of marriage and monogamy if you don’t want children. Every family ends at some point or should if it’s healthy! Otherwise, no one is growing and changing. I notice the women have a stranglehold on the men and the men have become dependent and couldn’t live without the woman. That’s a bad deal for men. Men can learn how to take care of themselves too! What happened to women being empowering for men in return for men being supportive of women? It needs to be a two-way street. Encouraging male dependency is not cool. Coddling a male or doing things for him that he can do for himself is very dysfunctional. I hope, as a culture, we realize that marriage, monogamy and falling in love has a biological function but after that, socially, it doesn’t usually work.

Essay; Define “Lover”. No Possession.


 

3 nested heartsIt’s a friendship middle ground where men are still free to roam and women are still free to roam emotionally and physically also because we don’t need the ego validation of being the center of someone’s world or possession. In fact, the last thing I want is someone to need me that much. It’s dependency! We should all take care of ourselves. Otherwise, it seems to me you’re still looking for a mommy or daddy. We all need to get over that. That, and I really need to sleep alone and roll around in my queen bed. I suppose a remedy could be a King bed.

So, speaking as a woman, I will have friendship feelings for you during sex and that’s all. I think that’s the biggest and best connection you can have with a man. You’re friends! Yes, I will love you as my friend. How can love be any better than that? And I would make it clear to a man I was going to be with that in no way are there strings attached physically but we have a friendship agreement. That is all. There will be no use or just sucking sexual energy from the woman and dumping her like a hooker. That’s a hookup. Women who do that to men should not do that either if you want a lover. Friends don’t use each other. So, it really is in the woman’s purview to make sure you really feel like you have some type of friendship with a guy before you have sex with him. I don’t think guys know how to create that. You would never have sex on a first date if you seek lovers and friends.

Obviously, every woman and man is different in how they might define it. I also find it doubtful that a man would call a woman he has sex with his lover but he should. He would say “girlfriend” because I think men tend to be more territorial over a woman’s body than we are with them. But to a woman who is a free spirit that is too heavy on the territory and social obligation. There is no way I want a boyfriend or a husband which is almost the same thing minus the paper. Women that are busy, work, have projects, business and ideas in no way need or want to invest most of their time in a relationship. I’m not going to babysit or be nursemaid to a man. I don’t need to or want to. I want us to be friends as equals; no possession.

A lover is not friends with benefits because sex with warmth, love, and friendship is real sex which is a very big deal to a woman. It’s not just a benefit you’d receive like a job benefit. There is no territorial or legal claim, no possession. You actually dig each other and each other’s bodies and sexual energy. That’s it. No obligations. You usually agree you can have another lover if desired. In order to leave it out of hookup territory let’s say only one other lover. It’s not polyamorous which is hookup defecation sex. If you’re all friends, the body types match and you’re mature, that could turn into a menage-a tois. Why not?

That’s a lover. It’s not a hookup with a stranger, not defecation sex, you’re not just friends although that’s included, you’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, there are no social contracts, and you don’t want or need marriage or a relationship to corral, define, or control you or continue to play out your family of birth psychodrama. It’s empowering for a woman who has her own life. As dramatic, territorial and emotional as men get about sex and the body, they don’t usually like this setup. Again, it’s similar to the way my young son got when I was talking on the phone to someone else. Well, take it or leave it because I won’t be possessed by any man absent real love which is usually quite fickle or non-existent for them. Men and women in a relationship need to become more equal or don’t feign a relationship at all.

 

Essay; Compromise With a Partner You Value


 

man and woman talkingThere is much talk lately about never sacrificing yourself in an intimate relationship with a lover or a partner. I agree that it never works to lie or to give up so much of your time and what you want and need to do with your body and energy that you become very unhappy.

I’m single, dating, totally getting healthy and feeling my goddess core after having been to hell and back with men and babies dying; four altogether. I have a wonderful son who is twenty. He’s a fabulous man and trying to figure it out as we all did at twenty. As I look for a new partner at the age of fifty-six the landscape and reason for mating is completely different and has completely changed. The younger men don’t even hesitate now to let me know of their interest and I actually really like younger men…as lovers and friends. They are far more open-minded and less biased. But as a mate? I’m truly leaning toward someone my age so that we can support and understand one another.

It seems to me that mating is now more about friendship, cooperation, and helping one another for the second half of our lives. The libido is there and there has to be an attraction but in no way is sex the same because I can’t get pregnant. It’s a big deal and huge incentive to stay mobile, hip, and sexy. As you age you really do need more help, more muscle, and a helpmate for different reasons instead of raising children.

However, there is a big difference now between giving something up of my single life habits in middle age and the sacrifice for my family in my youth. You realize this might be your last hurrah with mating love; real love; not love based on societal marriage and children which is based on family norms and proscribed roles. Love in middle age is completely free. No one has to approve of you because you’re going to have children together.  You’re not going to merge immediate families necessarily. You can if you want, I suppose just out of habit, but there is no obligation to. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks; at all. There are no expectations on any front because you don’t share DNA with children.

When you value someone’s presence in your life, you let go of a habit or activity and compromise because you want to not because you have to. So there is no more sacrifice. It can be unconditional love. The fact of the matter is, when you have a spouse and children, you HAVE to do certain things. There is no choice whether you like it or not. Honestly, becoming a parent does require sacrifice which is very worth it, is extremely hard but it ends and many people are left alone in their house. Some people hate it. I love it! I really enjoyed having a family but I love my own life too and have been pondering whether I’d want to give up pieces of it for a new mate.

I’d be willing to adjust if I really loved and valued my partner and knew that we were reciprocating. There is no way I’d fall into my old role of jumping when he needed me, jumping when my son needed me, cooking when they’re hungry. Nope. Once in a while, I might but not if I don’t feel like it. There would also be much more space in our togetherness because you really do treasure your alone time after you’ve had a family. The quiet is really priceless.

Essay; Women Can Appear…


Women can appear critical but really be very accepting and patient in the long view.

We’re just natural teachers.

Women can appear stoic and in control but our hearts are breaking.

We’re just used to not being respected or loved by men so we don’t show our vulnerability.

Women can act or seem weak but we learn that superficial behavior because it’s the only way we’ll get attention or the touch we need; not sex necessarily, although sex is great if there are warmth and care.

We’re just taught by society that it’s incredibly unacceptable for a woman to be powerful and decisive because men will feel intimidated and lash out, but in truth we are powerful and we know it.

Women act like we don’t know how beautiful we are but in truth, we know how much our bodies sway others and some women exploit it to get their way.

We’re just used to being valued only for that; over-sexualized, and not for our minds. Almost all women value beauty.

Women act like they’re not as smart as men but in truth, we all tell each other we know we’re smarter and most of the time, we are. Most women hide it.

We’re just literally paid less and punished in every freaking field we enter if we show we’re smarter than the men. This is incredible oppression and depressing for us the world over. Not to mention the loss to humanity of our ideas and inventions.

Most women find men adorable in so many different ways but we continue to shake our heads at your dramatic, irrational behavior sometimes.

We just love the special one that we pick and want to be your best friend if you’ll let us. It’s not controlling, it’s love.

Please let us be who we are in our power and beauty without abandoning us or pushing us away. But if and when you do, we always have ourselves and will not allow the human species, which we carry; die because of your choices and the institutions you control. Our bodies and our hearts are PRICELESS. Every woman LOVES deeply and truly and that is our gift and our power.

The art of Gustav Klimpt

 

 

 

 

Essay; The Way to a Woman’s ….. is Through Her Heart


 

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This is a very enlightening article, but I’m not sure it’s very realistic. It’s ambitious I guess.

Can a Man Be Friends with A Woman He’s Sexually Attracted To?

Over the past thirty years or so, there has been a consistent aspect of men I’ve observed repeatedly. They have the ability to very detached from their feelings or be aware of no feelings at all. They’re able to turn it off and focus on the task at hand, sometimes with cold, hard, logic. The challenge here is that men want to have sex with a very emotional creature; a woman (if you’re straight). If you don’t understand or feel your own feelings what are you going to do? How will you please a woman if you don’t know yourself? Fake it? Lie? We’re told you do that.

You can pride yourself on how detached your heart is from anything or anybody as though there is power in not caring but the opposite is the truth. If you are going to achieve sex/love with a real woman (Not a hook-up which is messed up), you’re going to have to study human feelings and at least understand it and be sensitive to it or she won’t sleep with you unless you’re a very good liar. Sometimes some women aren’t tuned in enough to be able to tell you’re lying. I know that’s what men hope for.

  1. A way to a man’s heart (what women want) is through his stomach (tricky path to his heart).
  2. A way to woman’s nether region (what men want) is through her heart (tricky path to her nether region unless she hates men. If she hates men, she’ll have sex with you immediately and that is very messed up.)

You may want to keep in mind that all women have the heart of;

  1. A young, innocent girl
  2. A teenage flirty girl
  3. An expectant mother
  4. A selfless lover
  5. An A class warrior on the hardest battlefield imaginable
  6. The most heartless dictator you never want to know who is willing to lop heads in the face of too much foolishness and lying

I’m old enough to know that most men are putting on an Oscar performance since observing and mimicking human behavior is easy for anyone. All you have to do is practice a little and most people will believe you. However, most women can see through a man’s actions regarding his sincerity. The problem here is men are mostly confused by human behavior and the body so it’s a double whammy. Women understand both. Yikes!

I recommend you honestly seek to know a few women as friends and understand what you’re looking for in a woman. Once you think you’ve met her, care about who she is as a person. She knows you want to have sex right away but if she’s smart, she won’t. Most women judge that because our whole society puts the wishes of mother and child ahead of men, thus patriarchy which defends men’s natural needs. I don’t. I accept straight guys and don’t wish they were gay.

Keep in mind, during matriarchy, when men were denigrated and women were dominant, no one knew who the fathers of the children were. It was McSex drive-thru; the first hook-ups that drove matriarchy. Women and children lived separately from the men. Someone figured out that it would be a benefit for children to know their fathers OR large numbers of men decided they wanted to know who their children were. THUS, marriage, family, territorialism and the home were born. Women have not totally recovered (haha) because we used to be warriors in charge.

Anyhow, the existence of patriarchy is due to this novel idea of a man living with the woman and children. Males have thus learned about love, nurturing, warmth, ya know, all the squishy estrogen stuff. That means you all DO have the ability to calm down and be kind. So, do that please when you come out of your man cave.

you've got to be kidding me

Essay; Women Attach Through Sex and Men Attach Through Emotional Bond


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My intuition did a whammy on me last week and I sat on this for that long.

Women attach through sex/physical attention and men attach through emotional bond!” Ironic isn’t it?

You probably read that title and said, “Ok, we know that about women but men?” No one talks about men getting all warm and fuzzy and emotionally attached to a woman just because of her vibe, how she moves or how she talks and walks. It’s in all the songs they sing though. Men pine much more deeply for a woman than a woman will ever pine for a man and they’ve told me that they have an issue with that! Women, on the other hand, tell me how imperfect a man has been, how she’s rejected him and that he screwed up. The men I know NEVER tell me that about a woman. The men are adoring of their mate. Think about it. Men are far more emotionally rejected than we are just because they don’t act like women or love the way we do. How could they? They don’t make human beings in their bodies!

Men are very insecure about this state of things and men feel deeply when they fall in love with a woman. The big news for women is, THE REASON THEY FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU IS RARELY, IF EVER, TO DO WITH YOUR OBJECTIVE APPEARANCE OR BEAUTY BY MEDIA STANDARDS. IT HAS TO DO WITH WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON, how they feel around you, whether they feel they can talk to you and your general vibe.

Now I will explain what I figured out via my intuition last week. I’ll start with women. Women, imagine how easy and normal it is for you to talk, commune, flirt, hug, be warm and smiley with all the women you know. We do that so easily with each other, even if we’re strangers. I certainly do. We “do” relationship all the time with other women. Not so much with men and here’s why.

Sex. Men find sex to be easy and natural and if civilization hadn’t pulled a whammy on them and judged them for being so sexy and natural they’d probably have sex all the time. Civilization has curbed men in terms of their nature much more than it has women. I’m not saying men find it easy to have sex with other men naturally but the boys club is real. They manage to bond and do things with each other in other ways like sports and such that make up for not having sex with each other. And sometimes, as we know, they do have sex with each other. But think of that. Being gay is much more acceptable for women than it is for men. Why is that? Civilization is set up so that when a woman has her fondest wish, a child, the man is there to be a father for the child’s sake, or at least society has told him he’s supposed to be. If he’s not, society has plenty of punishments for him.

Back to women; the ease with which we have a relationship and find it fine and natural is the ease with which men find sex with others; women or men fine and natural. It’s superficial! Men find sex superficial and normal just as women find relating to others to be superficial and normal. It’s just part of life. Some are close, some aren’t. Women should know that when men see us relating so easily and happily with other women and men, they get anxious about what we’re up to. They don’t know that it’s superficial for us and we’re just being friendly. I don’t think they’ll admit this though.

For women; put sex in the mix with relating to a man and the woman is pulled off of her center. Not only because our physical energy is super responsive to sex but because it’s always a possibility that we could get pregnant. Sex is a big deal to us on many levels.

Put a relationship in the mix for a man when he’s relating to a woman and he’s pulled off of his center because he doesn’t have much natural skill in it. What men do is tease, tickle, jostle, nudge, compete, get a little jealous and criticize some when he has feelings for a woman that he’s a bit uncomfortable with. Take that as a cue women. He likely has a crush on you. Don’t lead him on if you don’t have a crush on him. If you think he may really care about you and you him, it’s a mistake to rush into sex. The other bonding needs to happen first in my opinion.

What is the remedy here? First, accept that men and women are naturally different from one another and don’t diss and neg on each other saying, “All he wants is sex or all she wants is a relationship.” The OPPOSITE is the truth. Again, I’ve surveyed people in my office for twenty years. Women talk about sex with men and it means a tremendous amount to us to be attended to physically and wanted sexually and to check out the chemistry. Sex will never be superficial to us. A woman who is superficial with sex or playing in the porn arena is up to something that is not good for men. I think it’s selfish on her part. She gets all kinds of sex and gives no care or relationship.

It’s ironic to me that we view men as being so awful to women right now when the fact that the porn industry exists and so many men (and women) are addicted to it shows that there are millions of women out there who hate men, don’t believe they have feelings and don’t care about their feelings or needs. But, it’s taboo for men to express what they need emotionally, isn’t it? Undoing that, women raising their sons to express their feelings and encouraging their daughters to physically love themselves will start to bring gender equity.

Essay; It’s Nice to Have Someone to Come Home To


Winter Scenes in Moonlight

We hear people say this all the time, I suppose especially during the holidays. However, I was just out of town at my Mom’s for five days and I was thrilled to come home to the sanctuary I’ve created. I live alone, happily, and my business is here. I’m a quiet meditative person that loves to write and read. It fills me up constantly.

I am the “someone” that I came home to. I have a full life, enjoy my own company and I’m busy as much as I want to be. I did come home to someone; myself. Some people don’t need a mate to be content.

 

Essay; Marketing to Women


Woman’s Day magazine, in retrospect, is going to go down in history to be as puerile, provincial, and trivial as the ads for toasters, cars, and bras for women in the 1950’s. They send me this rag free in the mail because I have a business. Occasionally I flip through it to get a laugh and I saw this.

The ad on the left is for a fake butter product. They’re making it analogous to a long-term relationship. The ingredients in “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” are purified water, soybean oil, palm kernel oil, palm oil, salt, soy lecithin, natural flavors, vinegar, Vitamin A Palmitate, and beta-Carotene (for color). Jul 25, 2017

Soybean oil is very bad for you and in most processed foods and fast foods. Since it is so high in easily oxidizable omega-6, it’s a poor cooking oil choice. This article takes a look at eight harmful effects of soybean oil backed by scientific research. I’m pretty sure palm oil is no better.

Soybean oil

Given all of that, I agree that it’s analogous to a long-term relationship which is a statistical misnomer. The only long-term relationships that lasted from the old days were anchored in the couples subconscious minds by their birth family. God only knows what kind of marriage that was; probably more like comfy brother and sister than hot, novel lovers from different tribes. Most marriages are lucky to last 10-11 years, long enough to raise the kids a little over halfway and not kill each other. All the romantic hype around marriage is romantic fantasy and like fake butter, it’s bad for you! I think most people would agree that it’s not good for human beings to live with the same person for too long. It’s celebrated because people are afraid of great sex actually changing them spiritually.

When a person finally understands and embraces their body and emotions there is nothing greater or more powerful on the planet. It can change the world. The governments and the religions all know that which is why they sell us the awful healthcare system we have, obsession with a fitness regimen instead of health in balance and moderate treats, and dogmatic religions that demonize the body and nature that espouse abstinence and deprivation and promote “I Can’t Believe They Call This Shit Butter” long-term relationships.

We’re getting into the gray area here between this black and white ad. The implied assumption being, long-term is white, like a wedding dress on the right and black, like a classy little black dress is on the left. Neither one is accurate and the butter side verges on slut-shaming.

Who doesn’t love butter?! Butter is real. A bit of butter in your diet is good for your skin. There is one ingredient in butter; milkfat and man is it good! I just used 2 sticks of butter to make a shortbread crust for an apple tart and it turned out smashing! The puns are coming fast and furious here; tart, shortbread, fast, furious. Sounds like great sex to me.

warm bread and butter

There are only 34 calories in a teaspoon of butter and when added to fresh bread, it is pure joy. There is no other substitute for it if you’re making sugar cookie cutouts for a holiday for people you actually love. The key is moderation. Don’t eat the entire apple tart with shortbread crust or ten cookies.

The same goes for your relationships. Don’t have sex with a new partner every night. That would be too many one night stands, but I don’t know anyone who does that. There is nothing unhealthy or wrong about having a lover or a boyfriend. I think it tastes the best and is the most realistic with regard to human nature. It’s also the truth!

Give me that butter any day. It is not a one-night stand. Looks like love to me; no possession but likely repeated as long as the recipe is right.