Essay; Marriage is Prison for Some Women


 

woman in prisonOne of the main comments I’ve heard from women patients in my office is, “I want to be alone, not married. I wish I was free and single like you.” Many women feel like prisoners in their marriage and their physical ailments and stress level are consequently very high.

I bet many married men say it to single guy friends too, but I wonder. I’ve heard men benefit far more from marriage than women do and suffer more in divorce.  Most women thrive after divorce.

What are we looking at here?

Marriage is an institution where you’re seeking the sanction of church or state with a license and/or a ceremony but what are your true motivations for doing it?  Maybe the institutions function like an agricultural stockade where animals are inspected, traded and sold. You’ve heard of animal husbandry. Well, when a woman gets married her mate is called her husband which makes her a reproductive animal in society’s view. So maybe marriage is primarily suited for only young women in their reproductive years who want to have children. And many young women who get married don’t necessarily want children. Then maybe they shouldn’t get married.

I think it’s time to retire these outmoded ideas regarding a woman’s relationship with her mate. Marriage isn’t always necessary. Balance of power between a woman and man needs to be discussed and kissed about.  We can be monogamous with each other because we want to be, not because somebody said we should. It’s nobody’s business but the couple and is becoming outdated due to woman’s empowerment. It’s a good thing.

Essay; The Feminine Word Equivalent to the Masculine Word, “Emasculate”


It’s time for this conversation.  So the first emotional, resistant response from blogger “Anonymous”: on here was this;

Was hoping to find an answer to an interesting quirk of language, but instead found a rambling, borderline nonsensical Feminist rant about gender roles.

I’ll do you a favor; TL; Dr. Is there a female equivalent to the word ’emasculate’? Answer, No.”

 

He says he’s doing me a favor with this hateful reply.  What do you think? So, here we have one confirmation of a male who cannot fathom being equal with a good woman. At least he put some emotion into it, but he made quite a few spelling mistakes.

The word emasculates, as we all know, means to deprive a man of his male role or identity.  Strong, justice-oriented women who have self-esteem and know their power are ridiculed for doing this to men, no matter what the men have done to women.  They can do whatever they want to women and she’s supposed to take it and not ask for respect?  Sounds like a Christian, Republican, Trump voter. Most men, I don’t believe, are like this, but many are.

What would be the word for depriving a woman of her female role or identity?  Below, the word “defeminate” is suggested but I don’t believe it’s caught on.  It doesn’t really roll off the tongue, no sexual suggestion intended.  This word actually sounds similar to defemate.

Dr. Mary Stopes described here in Margaret Jackson’s The Real Facts of Life: Feminism and the Politics of Sexuality, c1850-1940:

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What about “efeminate”?  This word is more of a direct correlation with the word “emasculate”.

Well, we can banter about “defeminate” or “efeminate” or take a poll. The real work will be to define what it means to deprive a woman of her female role?  My visceral response to this, which I feel is realistic, is that women don’t have “a role”.  Women have advanced so far, because of our choices and willingness to work for it, that it is common knowledge that we can be whatever we want to be and do whatever we want to do, or not do!  Every woman’s personality is different as well, so how she expresses her femininity is unique.

There is very little social pressure on women anymore to be married or to be mothers. That said, I see that the instinct is still there in our bodies which can cause a lot of conflict with our minds.  It is entirely socially acceptable for a woman to have her own property, money, job and no family.  Maybe she just has a job and friends and has casual sexual relations with men and women!  No one cares anymore.  It’s just important to honor yourself and be healthy and happy.

Feminism and women’s liberation has brought us to this point.  If a woman has her life organized and has money, she can hire a handy male or female to do whatever work she needs to be done around her house; yard work, snow blowing, construction, painting, you name it.  If she’s intelligent, why would she waste her time doing work that she can pay someone else to do who is good at it!  She has her own work to do in her quiet, clean house that does not have a man stomping around, causing a ruckus, watching sports, and being noisy and disrespectful.  She is no one’s territory. She belongs to herself and her spiritual life.

The way I see it is, men with their polyamorous proclivities, innately wired into their brains to sleep with as many women as they can and get an ego brush from making as many women scream as they can, have whored themselves for millennia now.  They don’t seem to be interested in Love or Bonding which has secured life for women and children for millennia as well.  Love and Bonding are our bedrock.  Many men can’t feel it nor do they operate that way.  Sure, the man may feign loyalty, get married, put a ring on the fourth finger and become a father, but most women believe that it is in his nature to fuck as many women or men as he can before he dies.  It’s not his mandate to love as many women as he can before he dies or love one woman as much as he can before he dies. There are enlightened men in the minority, but it’s not the norm.  This is despite his religious or spiritual beliefs.  Nature always trumps belief folks.  If ya gotta go, ya gotta go.  Sex is no different for men.

It is different for women.  The sexes are not equal yet.  Women understand heart and relationship, children and home, business and money, assertiveness and organization, and leadership, we are the dominant species on the planet.  Love trumps hate and usage. Love trumps whoring your body for shallow, nonbonded sex.  Love trumps patriarchal objectification of women.  Love and bonding trump superficial sex just for an orgasm. Friendship is the highest bond there is.  Spirituality with Love, during sex, trumps giving it away with no bonding.  When most men find out that a woman loves herself this much, and they can’t measure up, they’re out the door for the next porn flick or booty call because they’re not willing to be a good student and eventually love in reciprocation.

If a user male somehow manipulates that love from us, there will be righteous indignation completely justified. Our bodies and our souls embody Love.  This is a huge planetary reality that weaves throughout nature.  Women’s bodies are synced with the Earth, Moon, and stars.  We can be no other way.  If a man wants to learn the way of all flesh on Earth, he will listen to and follow the woman and attempt to raise himself up to be her equal.  Women have raised their minds up, why can’t men raise their bodies up?  In return, she will love him with loyalty and adoration.  That’s the best thing he’ll ever be able to achieve in this life.  I know it’s just an ideal.  It’s not really happening.

The day men help us instead of hinder us caused by making more mess and noise on the planet is the day there is more peace on earth.  But they don’t like peace.  They like to blow stuff up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Essay; Sad and Sorry…Pivoted


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I was just, in the flow of things, feeling sad and sorry today thinking about the fact that we are heading into the Memorial Day weekend and I am mate-less because he died March 13th.  That could make you feel sorry for me in and of itself, especially since he was my soul mate but that is leveling itself out now that we’re in May in Michigan.

Michael, my mate, who was going to be my fiance, is still with me. Ashes scattered in the garden, we are absolutely, telepathically connected. He’s with me all the time, still learning on the other side, we continue to teach each other, and he’s trying to earn his wings and climb the spiritual ladder. So, that’s all good, but that’s not the theme here.

I was feeling very down today until my patient came to get her medical massage and asked how I was.  Essentially I said, “Meh” (I didn’t precisely say that) and she asked me why.  I told her I miss Michael and we always had great fun at the holiday, shopping, cooking out, blah, blah, blah, all the traditional things. I’m not marching from grave to grave this year with flowers due to the many people around me that have died this year.

She counters and says, “I’m married and have a big family and I just want to be by myself. I don’t want to do any gatherings! You’re lucky!” She’s the third woman in the last week who has said she wants to be alone! When patients walk into my office to get a medical massage, they always tell me the truth about how they feel.

I wonder what is going on? Other women are telling me that men they know are dying suddenly and they’ve been to too many funerals. For real. Guys…you may want to put your best foot forward these days before the Light sucks you into its eternal vortex. Because lately, on this planet, we women like to be alone.  If you’re not here to help and to love…well…

I’m not wishing it!  I’m just observing what’s going on.

 

 

Body Truth; size bias has changed so much in six years


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“Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…”-J.K. Rowling

Thin privilege means you’ve proven that you have control over your appetites and just live a healthy good life.  If you force yourself, in any manner possible, to be thin, you have the privilege of hovering over others who are not thin and believing you’re better than them because you control your life, your mind, and your body size at all costs to gain an advantage in every way.  What society and media have done is cover over their addiction to money, sex, fancy houses, food, drugs, etc., because they have no connection to Source/spirituality.  They are using having a thin body as the token for being “in control” of themselves.

However, if you dig a little deeper in thin, rich people’s lives, you’ll see all kinds of things out of control that they are hiding.  They’re playing the materialist game and it will at some point, come tumbling down.  No one on this planet is immune to control issues.  And no one has the right to assert that they are better or of more value on the planet because they can appear to be.  All the world’s a stage and they are certainly the players.  So what they assert is that anyone who is thick and fluffy, for whatever reason, doesn’t matter as much, is not “in control” of themselves, should not make as much money, and are below the thin people in every way.  I don’t think so. Attitudes are changing now.

I’ve already achieved two of my dreams; having a child, and having my own healing practice. I’m convinced, and I’ve heard firsthand accounts from those who have been heavy and are now thin, that when a woman loses weight, her value and amount of “attention and affirmation” go up astronomically from others.  Thin privilege is real.  Some guys say it doesn’t matter when they’re feeling all warm in their heart.  But that’s only one-eighth of the time that they’re feeling warm in their heart.  The rest of the time they’re a stray dog looking for a b….. to hump.  Then it matters! Size usually doesn’t matter to cat-type men, only to the dogs.

Thin, toned women function to easily fulfill the sexual appetite of men or women mostly, in my opinion. Let’s face it. Sex can go quicker, is more intense, you can move better and it’s all pretty animalistic when you’re small.  Thick people have great sex too. I’m not asserting we don’t, but it takes longer. The men get their grounding through the woman, use her, and throw her-sort of like a dementor in Harry Potter when they can get it quickly.  Fat women are self-contained and ground themselves with love through their thickness. The weight pulls on gravity which helps us center our energy like a magnet.  It’s just a theory.  My son said to me, “It seems like fat people are happier Mom”.  Lol. Maybe we’re calmer, less stressed out because we aren’t competing so much or we’re just less materialistic and superficial.  I don’t know.

It’s a diabolical fact in our society that fat people are treated like lepers. It’s because of patriarchy and capitalism. Fat people are offensive to patriarchal men and women.  We’re paid less, viewed as lazy or stupid, unhealthy, an insurance risk, and not touched as much. My ex-husband asked me to lose weight “for him”. That means he was a dog-type man looking for a bitch, which I was not. The whole notion is so incredibly nauseating at how superficial and conditional people are in their acceptance of others. One of my old friends lost a TON of weight (she was bigger than me), and she seems most unhappy now that she’s thin. Sure, physically it’s easier to move, but now she’s realizing what she was hiding from when she was overweight and I think it’s getting to her. She was hiding from superficial bullshit and predatory males!  The same thing happened to my older sister. It’s obvious to me that it’s too easy for women to lose themselves in relationships, others, their kids, their community and ignore their body and their emotional and spiritual needs.

It’s too easy for men to lose themselves in sex, toys, money, and immediate gratification. It turns some men on when a woman loves herself, knows her own mind and needs and loves her body no matter what size it is. I’ve been all sizes in my life. While I’ve been a Mom, I’ve felt very comfy in a thicker body. But now that my son is grown and I want to zip around from 56-104 years old, I think my bones will hold up better if I lighten the load. That said, I’m not going to parade around a different size body like it’s a trophy which degrades those that choose to stay in a thicker body!  To each his own.

For me, I respect a man so much if he can control any of his appetites and learn to spend time with a woman and love a woman in a relationship as a friend. If he can’t, I don’t respect him, no matter how good looking he is, how many degrees he has, money and accolades to boot. Men are going to have to face the fact that unless they can bond monogamously with the woman that really loves and digs him, he’s a failure in societies eyes.