Just Because a Woman…


J.K.-Rowling-quote-You-control-your-own-life-2-1068x561

Just because a woman is sweet, kind, and compassionate it doesn’t mean she’s docile.

Just because she’s not docile doesn’t mean she’s a bitch or even mean. It means she knows how to take care of herself and will. It’s the right thing to do whether you think it’s taboo or not. She’s no one’s sacrificial victim.

She has self-esteem and dignity and therefore will never be a doormat. She’s not going to take any offloading shit from a male or a female but she’s not necessarily a raging feminist. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have needs and never gets her feelings hurt.

It means if you fuck with her, you will no longer be her friend because she already has plenty of weak people who would love to do her in to make themselves feel stronger as well as jealous haters. And if you support her, her loyalty is 100% and she will support men who support her!

Intimacy; How Do We Move From Lust to Love?


Do you know the difference between lust and love? I’ll go with the hard one first; Love. Love is when you want to take time to really know someone, to care about how they feel, what they need and what makes them tick. You want to be their friend. Friendship is the basis of all lasting, lusty, good relationships. It takes time and maturity to grow. Lust is everything else. Anything that’s not love is lust. Lust is the emotion behind most human interactions and has the face of greed, trolling on Facebook, offloading on strangers and the like. If you have no foundation of care and face-to-face friendship with someone you are indulging in instant gratification lust and there is nothing loving about it.

This issue has been challenging for me. I’m a very passionate, physical woman and have no problem lusting after men who are very attractive to me. I don’t act on it; it’s just fun. My personality and values are all about love. There isn’t really any other material thing I lust after; unless I’m really hungry. then I lust after food.

That’s a good segue because food hunger is almost exactly like sex hunger in the brain. And notice how many people overeat when they just need some love, affection, and sex. We’re looking for a serotonin spike and some other juicy brain chemicals that make us happy. I know I am. Food doesn’t come close to making me happy the way intimacy and love does. I don’t even like bothering to stop and fix food because I’m busy with my projects, writing, chores, things I love to do! Why do I have to stop and eat? I’ve always been like that. I’m not terribly fond of slowing down.

Now we see a problem here; denial of human need when you know it’s not likely to be easily fulfilled! I’ve been married three times to great men and had several great boyfriends. I’m still not satisfied. They weren’t perfect or didn’t satisfy me the way I really want to be. They didn’t make my brain and body explode with orgasmic happiness, although my last mate Michael came close. He loved me…really, really loved me and I loved him. Love is the sexiest thing going. Then he died suddenly. That’s not helping the situation. Love is definitely tragic.

It makes me wonder about eating disorders. If you take that denial of the need for love, warmth, and affection far enough it would make your brain or specifically, the hypothalamus gland stop craving food. So the emotion of lust would be good at this point versus the emotions around deprivation.

I’m not into deprivation at all but I am sorely afraid of loving a man, pulling him to me, and pushing him away because I need to be alone with my ideas, my mind, my life, my work, and my writing. I don’t want to hurt him. There has to be some intimacy and some time shared with your loved one or they will go away. I hate that.

broken_heart1I think I’ve stayed in lust mode in my brain because I’ve lost too many people I’ve loved. It’s like a car idling. My life isn’t idling but my feelings about bonding in a relationship are definitely idling. Maybe I’m stuck in lust gear because it’s emotionally safer. There is no risk of having your heart ripped out and stomped on the floor by death and life itself if you don’t go into love gear and really start driving.

 

Men are Dramatic in Action and Women are Dramatic in their Speech


you've got to be kidding me

How many bazillion times have you heard a guy say “No drama!”? They act like they give women no drama. Men are over the top!!! Men get emotional physically and sometimes verbally. Their actions are too dramatic. That’s the testosterone and they put WOMEN through the wringer not being able to calm down their testosterone or my favorite, being so confused about how to relate what they want to us that they send dual-minded, conflicting signals. A lot of women think they’re lying but half of the time I think they just don’t know what to say…literally.

Women are more dramatic in expressing themselves verbally. Women are actually brilliant at expressing themselves verbally and men are FOREVER telling us to be quiet and stop being so dramatic. I fucking hate it nor will I obey. I find men and women to be equally expressive emotionally but in these two different modes.

Next time a man says to you, “Cut the drama” when you’re speaking and expressing your feelings, bring down the curtain on his ass regarding how his actions are overdramatic expressing HIS feelings. He can “cut the drama” too. Sheesh!

Essay; A Woman’s Ego


 

Woman on a mountain

I originally blogged this on August 26, 2013; 6 years ago.

The book I wrote, “Healer” has a section on bonding; page 240.  Like most people, I believe that men and women have a tremendous amount in common biologically.  And I really do like most men.  However, socially, on Facebook, and in the town, I live in, the more I talk, as a literate person, as an intelligent woman with self-esteem that isn’t a doormat, as a woman who is a small business owner, the more I get called names like “egotistical” and “pathetic”.

So I decided to think about the difference between a woman’s ego and a man’s ego. There are books and articles about a man’s ego all over the place. The “fragile male ego” is well known.  But the woman’s ego?  Imagine, the “fragile female ego” being bandied about.  It’s more like, “New discovery!  Women have an ego! Make a flag for them!”

The definition of the ego is a sense of “yourself” or “self-centered”. Everyone starts out at a young age with a natural inborn sense of who they are as a person unless your parents or religion beat it out of you. That’s possible and maybe prevalent, but not healthy at all. People do tend to feel more secure if they agree with one another.  It’s curious.

A woman…with a sense of “herself”, pride, dignity, accomplished….well, she doesn’t sound very sexy.  Or does she?  Why do I assume she has to sound sexy? She doesn’t have to but women want sex probably more than men do. If you described a man that way it’s sexy.

There’s our first red flag. Women are given the message early on that their attractiveness as a potential mate, for the purposes of reproduction, should define their sense of self-worth. Thus the obsession with superficial looks as opposed to a big brain, articulateness, education, in essence, the character Amy Farafowler on “Big Bang Theory” (who I love). It’s just starting to catch on. And we are ever so grateful to Dr. Barbie and Corporate Manager Barbie to serve as a role model for young girls.

Yes, women have an ego.  Yes, women have a sense of themselves as an individual. Our needs with regard to education, intelligence, level of respect and pay in the workplace, respect in the home, respect from our sons, access to team sports, et.al are EQUAL to men.

I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life writing and living an example of a woman with an ego who loves.  You can’t love from emptiness.  You can’t love if your body is falling apart because you’ve given your last ounce of life force to everyone else. Women can be an example of how to take care of ourselves first and then whoever else we prefer to care for.

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Heartset; Wounded Men and the Women Who Take Control of Them Instead of Empowering Them


 

let it kill you.

I guess I thought I might be getting into a rut, defining myself by my work and my private practice but I’m now thinking it’s FAR more important that I focus on that than finding a new mate. I’m not lonely. I love sleeping alone and don’t wax nostalgic over a man stomping up and down my stairs and making noise and a mess in my home. I do like men as lovers (if they know what they’re doing) and friends though so that’s what I was using dating for. The purpose of dating is not for sex and hookups. Sex is no big deal and can be part of it but in no way does it define it, despite the man’s priorities.

But it’s a mess out there. Men are beaten down and have no self-confidence or knowledge to actually date a fine woman. They do hook-ups, sluttily, with women who will let them, risk STDs, decide which woman turns them on the most or reminds him of his ex the most, lets her chain him to a whipping post and hang out in her dog house and call it a relationship. If she looks good hanging on his arm that’s all he needs for his ego. If she gives good head he can tell his buddies at work about it and it’s even better. That’s the state of affairs out there. He doesn’t know what else to do and then she gets to own him at least for a while. It’s truly pitiful.

The princely men, or who I thought were princely men, are slipping through my fingers one by one because they feel they are toads and then act like toads picking up the trollop women. What do I mean? A negative attitude, negative posts on social media, foolish behavior like drinking and driving and driving in a car with someone who has open liquor, smoking, lying, stalking, name-calling, selfishness, promiscuity, and blame. Three of them now. Didn’t I see the red flags? Yes! And thus didn’t go very far with it. I didn’t fall in love. God no. But they all have good traits as well.

Other women who tolerate these men either take advantage of them and use them for sex and a distraction from their own lack of self-determination and intelligence or become their friends. Some of this could be the Pygmalion complex in reverse. Eliza Doolittle in “My Fair Lady” was taken in as a cockney trollop and turned into a princess by Professor Henry Higgins. These days, the beaten-down trollop could be Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle would take him in and help him out. Women are far more empowered now. Many men have lost everything, just like many women but the women have people skills so we bounce back better. We also tend to get custody of our children more due to the natural mother-child bond that fathers and their children do not have. Fathers can have a bond to their children but in no way does it compare to the mother and it never will.  I know that’s controversial. The tables are becoming even though.

Many men are very threatened by women who make more money than them, are smart, beautiful and successful. They may then find a woman similar to that who is kinder and more vulnerable and caring and take out his rage and usage on her. He’s a victim, by his own admission and the big, bad powerful woman did it to him. Someone has to pay the price and usually the nice women who are compassionate fall in the trap. She’s the scapegoat. There could be layers of dysfunction and pain on the part of the adult wallowing in said pain. They haven’t gotten help or therapy or taken care of themselves. Maybe there is a good reason that their ex doesn’t want them to have any custody of their children. This could be either the father or the mother. Many women have no business being parents either. There is no way for a civilian to know the situation. The courts and social workers scope it out.

What is the lesson here? Compassion for someone wallowing in physical pain and self-pity can bite you in the ass. It doesn’t matter if it’s a man feeling compassion for a woman who is down and out or a woman feeling compassion for a man who is down and out. They need to save themselves and pay whatever price they need to pay to get back on their feet. And most of all, if they call you a friend, friends don’t lie. Lying is the worst. That’s life.

Heartset; Men Blame Women for Giving in to Sex if the Man Really Wants Connection


The men almost always start it up and expect the woman to control the situation so that a deeper relationship might be possible because the men need bonding more than we do! Women rarely get lonely; men do. Then the man needs to control his sexual compulsion and not blame the woman for the direction it goes.

The way nature works; once you start something with a woman we’re going to finish it! Men need to control and FOCUS their sexual fire, like the Sun.

“If a man adores one special flower, he must FOCUS his light in that corner of the garden and breathe. Otherwise, once the sun comes out, all the flowers are going to open. Don’t blame the flower for opening to the Sun. The Sun started it! You can always go behind a cloud or turn to rain! The flower is rooted in the earth and can’t change or move. The Sun can!”

flower garden.jpg

Heartset; Three Types of Heterosexual Relationships


man and woman

The only one of these that is a real relationship is #3. The first two are sexual objectification. But by most people’s standards, #1 is a real relationship and is considered prison by many men but socially increases his status. Really, any man who prefers #2 will say he doesn’t want a relationship with a woman and will slut himself out to a woman handily. I’ve had male friends tell me that if a man is good looking enough, every man prefers #2 and that a loving relationship is absolutely off the table with the likes of any woman. These men are true immature narcissistic misogynists but ever so common. I guess it’s better then that they don’t mate.

I will admit that much of what I’ve observed about female behavior is societal programming for survival. Nevertheless, I’ve watched this for over fifty years and I believe it’s time for us to make a real leap in gender equity and get past the first two objectifying roles I describe.

  1. TERRITORY; A married woman, the mother of his children, a wife. They feign love but it rarely lasts as we all know. They are using each other for security and to raise children. There is no real love, the male mostly behaves as one of the children and the wife functions in the role of mother for everyone. This is typically pretty bad for women and good for men. Women get less healthy and men get healthier is what stats show. The reward is the woman has her children. The woman is still objectified and their sex life can easily become either boring or emotionally abusive and neglectful. This one is the outgrowth of religion.
  2. Hookup; A woman, especially these days, is sanctioned and appreciated by a man as a hook-up, a mistress, a lover, or a prostitute. She then gets roses or money. There is no relationship, no friendship, no respect, no real love at all. There is no emotional or spiritual maturity on the part of either the man or the woman. They’re just using each other for sex. This is defecation sex. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. They both function at the teenager level emotionally, indulging in their lust and not valuing self-control or bonding at all. This one is the outgrowth of the abuses of patriarchy and materialist society.
  3. LOVE; Two emotionally and spiritually mature adults function as equals in all respects and truly love one another. This one is rare but is now possible with the shift in the energies on the planet of late. It also underlies the Twin Flame 11:11 phenom and some soul mates.  They shoot for living from their core self, have dignity, take care of themselves on every level and are monogamous. It’s not a possession, territory or defecation sex. It’s a true love bond chosen freely by both parties. He is a grown man and she is a grown woman, emotionally mature, loving themselves, no longer living in the subconscious family mind but the CONSCIOUS adult mind that is no longer dependent on the immediate family. This one is the outgrowth of Spirituality.

Women who don’t objectify themselves in a monogamous heteronormative domestic servitude relationship or a promiscuous sexual life feeding men’s sex hunger and apparently their own, with no emotional or spiritual involvement from them as an adult male, are punished or ignored. Her only reward for her dignified choice is self-esteem and sitting in her own soul. Likely, her exemplary work paves the way for exponential competition and jealousy from more timid women beaten down by the system. She will somehow be roundly punished socially by the endless followers who think themselves good people but are really skating by instead of doing the right thing and empowering themselves.

#3 is the only real option for people who value love and still believe in it and want to do it. The challenge is that you have to work on yourself and stop expecting your mate or children to make you happy on an emotional/spiritual level. Sexually, yes, it is the adult’s role to satisfy you sexually and vice versa or there isn’t much point unless you’re both asexual. Some people are and have a different motivation for a relationship other than sex. To each his own!

 

 

Heartset; Real Dating Strikes the Fear of God in Men


That’s why so many men want to go to sex right away. They don’t want to show their lack of people skills, expressing emotion, or relationship skills to a woman. Dating is a gray area with no fences, rules or customs that change with passing time. Men thrive with boundaries and go down the tubes if they’re free to roam too much or too long. It’s the time when the female pulls out all of her expertly evolved radar and sizes up a man, checks him with her software and smells him to see if he’s useful for her purposes or worth giving her body to. That is if she’s smart. Remember, every man who comes in you gives you some of his DNA. It’s a scientific fact.

Mind you, a woman at any age can find a use for a man that suits her and we believe, and I’ve been told, men want us to want them. It’s not really the other way around. Men’s egos tell them they’re on top. Most women are easily acceptable to a man, especially if she’s very into him and is adoring. A man’s ego loves that more than anything. Women don’t need to be adored; men do. I’m super doting on a man I adore. It’s fairly nauseating and I can scarcely help it! To a man I don’t adore he doesn’t exist. That can be a heartbreaker but he had his chance to be invaluable to me and didn’t make the cut. In addition, I blogged on how I don’t care for the pressure of being adored by a man.

This is why dating is so awful for men and essential for women. Men really, really, really hate rejection and not measuring up. They have the evolutionary urge to be dominant, especially with women. I personally like that because as a strong woman, I need a break. I need support and someone to match me.

Women don’t experience that obsession with being accepted the same as men. All women I know of every size, look, or creed knows we hold the world together and give it love and life. Women are awesome and everything. So to be fair to men, they have to be given a chance to perform the dance in which they excel during dating; sex. I’m good with that as long as both parties know it’s an experiment not a relationship with commitment and tons of emotional bonding. It’s too early in the game. However, the man’s sexual performance will not impress an intelligent, tuned-in woman unless there is some emotional chemistry. That is non-negotiable and a deal-breaker if it’s absent.

This is a veritable minefield for most men as they do not excel at understanding or communicating emotion at all. It’s too easy for them to fail. That is an awful 4-letter word to a man. A few straight men do get emotions and they are super hot to me but most men are unskilled because feminism has distracted women from bothering with training men. Most women consider it beneath us now and many women just use men for sex. They don’t even want children or marriage anymore.

That’s a choice so I’m not judging it. Patriarchy has been especially hard on women and children but it has also been very hard on men. The elite use and slaughter men, their psyche, and their bodies and they partly program women to help them do it! That’s a subject for another blog but suffice to say, a modicum of dating needs to happen so that the woman gets what she needs and it’s not just McSex drive through which is bad for everyone and society. It’s up to women to ask for what they need as far as relating. Just don’t call it a relationship when you barely know each other! A relationship is built on affinity, friendship, maturity, trust, and emotional bonding; not just sex…at all.

Mindset; The Black Widow Woman MYTH


I’ve been accused three times, with men I’ve dated, liked or known, of being a black widow and it’s ridiculous and offensive.  I am literally a widow (twice) and a single woman but I’m not analogous to a black widow spider! Black Widow refers to the arachnid female spider called the Black Widow. It refers to the action of many INSECTS, not mammals who inject a male, with whom they have just mated, with poison and eat him for nutrition. Apparently, calories are hard to come by in the arachnid world and in order to grow their eggs/offspring, they need food. There are a few scientific theories about why this behavior occurs but none of it crosses over to mammalian behavior.

Spiders are not the only ones who do it. Praying mantis and many other insects do it as well to their male mating partners; biting off their heads after mating. I wasn’t there when the arachnids had their meeting on how to deal with evolution but the propagation of the species does tend to come first in the entire animal and plant kingdom. Sometimes a sacrifice has to be made. lol. The exception among spiders is the male Wolf Spider who eats his female mate, so that does occur.

Getting to my point. humans are warm-blooded MAMMALS meaning the females have highly nutritious food-producing mammary glands for our offspring and very horny male mates who just can’t get enough of our breasts. As a female who has had a baby and several mates, I can vouch for the fact that we love giving it to them as well as the rest of our bodies. It’s an instinct!  In addition, female mammals are known for continuing to be nurturing and affectionate to children and mates even after they are weaned! GEE! That’s pretty nice. Feminism and having our own money has not completely ruined our loving mammalian instincts. I don’t see women spinning webs and growing eight legs yet even if they do become more aggressive and smarter.

Interesting isn’t it? The fact is, female mammals have a huge instinct to feed and nurture the males not cannibalize them. The male mammals are very aggressive with one another, however. Of course, this is very hard wired in female mammalian brains to nurture their own family and even perfect strangers or their children! It’s a beautiful thing, so men need to beg off calling us black widows or being scared of great, loving women.

It’s all the more offensive to me as a very generous, nurturing, female mammal to be made analogous to a cold-blooded, arachnid spider who eats her mate in cannibalistic sex after mating. The men I’ve known have “jokingly,” said, “I better be careful of you!” when they find out two of my mates died. The truth is, all three men have been married to overly aggressive women or women who eventually decided they were lesbian. Again, I wasn’t there at the meeting but I’m as straight and as nurturing as can be; not a lesbian.

The fact is, my son’s father died four years ago today, December 30, 2015, from cancer all over his body because he lived a life of rage and cigarette smoking. He caused his own death even though his brothers scapegoated me upon his death. My boyfriend Michael died three months later from the flu which turned into pneumonia. That happens often. And with people who have weak lungs or are generally unhealthy, it’s even more common. Michael did not take care of himself either and did have weak lungs. Instead of compassion for all of this loss I’ve gone through, because I’m intelligent and confident, I’ve been blamed for the death of males as though my very existence was a threat to them. I deserve love and compassion for what I’ve been through, not blame, competition from women, or attempt to vampire my energy because I know who I am. I’m on this planet to help, not to harm and I need reciprocation from a new, straight mate.

Women and men do take turns blaming each other for each other’s demise when the truth is, our health and happiness lie in our own hands. But we can simply help one another when it’s appropriate. The black widow accusation is just another way for certain men to escape taking responsibility for maturing when it comes to bonding and honoring their feelings for a certain woman. Many continue in their socially sanctioned slutty ways of hook-ups and friends with benefits. That’s fine but I’m not doing it. Maybe they miss their very mean ex’s and they don’t want a kind, nurturing woman. That’s always possible but I don’t attend low self-esteem meetings either.

She doesn’t look like an arachnid to me.

Closeup portrait of loving couple

 

Intuition and Love


You-cannot-love-without-intuition.-Graham-GreeneThis one floored me when I saw it. What do you think?

The first question I asked myself was “Why is this true?” The quote is attributed to Graham Greene. There are several to be found online and I’m not sure which one he is but those listed are all artists of some type.

I personally agree that we cannot love without intuition because intuition has its source in the unconscious mind, the Id, sex, chaos, passion, wild emotion, dreams and so forth. When we really love someone it’s a powerful draw, magnetic, a longing. In my case, it’s possible destiny. Sometimes the person shows up in our dreams. This is a psychic event as in psyche and not simply lust. I have experienced this. Have you? I want to know if you have. Tell me about it.

There is no rational reason why you are so drawn to this person. But many times there are synchronicities. I’ve blogged on here about my twin flame which was highly surrounded in synchronicity and still is. We’re still in touch, talked a lot last week, and he is being a little warm but nothing major. And another man is in my psychic space that I haven’t fleshed out yet. We haven’t met but I’d like to meet him. I’m not in love with him though as I am with my Twin Flame. Both of them have been in my dreams and are not just issues of lust so I know they are hooked to my psyche.

The Id, which is below the subconscious ego is also basically the lower body, below the navel. From a man’s perspective, of course, you cannot love without intuition because, for them, they cannot love without sex. That begs the question, “Is sex the seat of a man’s intuition?” Holy crap!!!!  I never thought of that but it makes sense. Let me know if you think that’s the case. Women will be floored if that’s true. I need the men to let me know if sex is intuitive for you. I better stop there. As a woman, sex is not intuitive for me. The seat of my intuition is chakras 6, 5, and 4 (third eye, throat, and heart)

I hope I hear from you.

 

Lisa T.