Friendship First When Dating


man and woman

…or you can be sure she is using you for sex, which is what she assumes is the main thing you want and you both go down together. No one’s life is improving there. If it’s what you both want I guess it’s fine but it’s not what I want. I’ve decided I want the whole deal again.

It’s a good idea right off the bat to be honest about what you’re looking for. There are plenty of women who just want sex and not a relationship also! You can also pay for a woman’s services and they will be professionals, fit, limber, lingerie, come-fuck-me-heels, ready to go for a price! They are the ones who are cynical about men and have given up on love and have no faith in men to be intelligent, relational, human beings.

Every woman has given up on men at some point on a heart level but not all of us can do that to our bodies.  It’s toxic energy but many men are actually at the level and staying at that level. I’m not in denial about it.  I don’t think that will be good sex, but, hey, everyone has their standards. I don’t shame men anymore either. I actually believe it’s men’s natural level to be absolutely shallow about sex and natural for women not to be. The much bigger deal to them is friendship and caring. Sex is easy for men and they’ve been shamed for it, unjustly. Women aren’t shamed for being relational or wanting to have children which all comes naturally to us! We need to stop sex-shaming everyone! So there is absolutely no point of lying and using a good woman who wants friendship, to get to know you as a person, to be with you, and possibly the whole deal.

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The Truth as a Weapon for Materialism-Part 2


Rumi Water

“There is, however, a significant weakness hiding in the imposing-looking materialist redoubt. It is as simple as it is undeniable: after more than a century of profound explorations into the subatomic world, our best theory for how matter behaves still tells us very little about what matter is.”

 

Here is the link to the full article; Where does consciousness come from?

Defining truth is weaponized when surrounded by religion or state dogma which is dominated by males. The truth is not found in religion or government. The subjective truth is that each of us has our own feelings, experiences, and opinions and for the most part, that’s what we spew as truth. It’s personal. It’s just our truth, no one else’s. However, it’s weaponized by virile, good looking, confident, dominant alpha men who are looking to make a buck. Sometimes they become church leaders and sometimes leaders of a movement that indirectly only wants followers to agree with him. Anyone that disagrees, especially a woman, will be punished and thrown out. They are not interested in discussion and the only women allowed a position in the movement are smiling, not very intelligent, passive women.

Then there is the empathic truth, what we can feel. That is a temporary truth but it is factual because it’s the truth about how you feel at the moment. Feelings rarely, if ever last like a moving stream to the sea so it’s important not to call it love. Love is literal energy and behavior, not feelings. Love is a mindset. I call it heartset.

The rational truth is, who we are as human beings, intelligent, conscious, biological cells are made by our mothers, who are women, and just seeded by men. In fact, the word “matter” comes from that Latin “mater” which means “mother”. It is important to note here that the rational mind is the combination of the right and left hemispheres of the brain which are intuitive and analytical. The fact is they always work together and when humming forms the higher mind.

If most of the scientists are male and being paid by males, run in a male-dominated institution, they’re going to do their damndest to not talk about or acknowledge THIS TRUTH and expect us to live with “the reality” that they should be able to define and control matter, not us. That’s a weapon. The institutions of materialism are ironically used as weapons against women who make matter in our bodies. That matter obviously has consciousness. The truth is matter is female in every way and it’s best exemplified in our flesh, our muscles and blood and the soil of the earth. Blood is QI which is Chinese for consciousness.

That best we can do is share power. The men need to give up on patriarchy and it’s institutions, support women leading in every field, at the very least equal with male leaders, or the species will end once again. They can’t win. It’s nature. The majority of our bodies are muscle and blood and the majority of the earth is soil and deeper down, dense rock that used to be soil and geothermal energy whose magma is the liquid rock. It’s all…soil. The seeds are just on the surface. Women are everything. There’s no getting around it and many men refuse to accept it. It’ll kill the planet and our species if this keeps up.

Friend-Zoning in Relationships


Between-Men-And-Women-There-Male-Female-Friendship-Quotes

I think Oscar Wilde was old school. We’ve all been friend-zoned and it is possible. It’s much easier to be friends with a gay man than a straight man and vice versa for men for obvious reasons.

If a man is attracted to me, maybe he actually hit on me and tried to set up a “hook-up” as opposed to a date. Being a woman, I lean towards a date to keep things at a human level as opposed to the meat market level. A “hook-up” is giving in to the guy’s low standards or no standards of relationship. They might not see it that way but I/we do. Many women today do give in to it and use men for sex only also. Patriarchy has taught women to do that. It’s the man’s way, not the woman’s way and can be considered realistic or cynical depending on your perception.

As a woman, I’m actually looking for the friend-zone with a straight guy I’m attracted to so we can be lovers. Men think women friend-zone them if they’re not interested in sex because that’s what men do to women but that’s not the case when a woman has high standards but isn’t into possession. Men friend zone women that;

A. They are not attracted to.

B. They’re attracted to but she won’t have sex with him quick enough.

I’ve been friend-zoned by my Twin Flame based on several infractions actually, but I don’t want to get into it because he makes me mad.  I hurt his feelings. I get it. But I apologized and he has not accepted and maybe will not forgive me. See; cold-hearted.

Will a man do friend/lover? Or do they have to have P/P.; either a prostitute or possession? Meaning, does a man have to think, “You let me have you too quick like a prostitute, I got my jollies, even though that’s what I wanted, so now I drop you.” or “I adore your body and you and I’m in love with you, let’s be a couple.”

My point is, women WANT the friend-zone with a straight man they like. Most of us require it or we’re not turned on. We’re relational. Men don’t want the friend-zone because…they’re turned on by meanness and their own power trip, not niceness? Relational makes them limp? I think so but I’m not sure. It’s a jungle out there.

 

I’m Sort of Training Him


zooskHe’s acting more like a human being than a dog in heat now through my gentle instruction. I’m teaching him how to treat me which I think all men need. Yes it makes them high maintenance but some of them are so dang cute, I do bother with it.  Still, this guy is a live wire. Good thing I guess because I tend to be too. For my young readers, we’re in our late 50’s and sex gets hotter not less hot, just for the record. There is plenty of libido there. I’ve been through this too many times with men not to know what’s going on.

Men are very emotional; far more than women yet they have no societal permission to express it. They express it through sexuality if given the opportunity. I accept it now. I’ve seen it so many times that it would be like asking a dog not to bark or a baby not to cry. Men are lusty.

Some cultures also have the matriarchal thing going on where the man’s mother either adored him too much and never emotionally let him go or the opposite. Either way, it messes with a man’s intimacy wiring. He is a very handsome Hispanic, very foxy, super hot lips and…everything. But I’ve heard the Hispanic mothers love their children more than any man or anything in the world. Maybe the adoration is over the top and the males can’t bring themselves to be truly intimate with another woman; a heart bond specifically.

Once again, he has children but never married. I’m only hearing this on Zoosk from the Hispanic men. Interesting. Holy crap, as a white woman, I try to fathom HOW? a man can have three children with a woman and never love her enough or the family enough to marry her? And why would a woman do that with a man? In the white culture, we’re taught that you owe it to the woman and children to show your loyalty, support, and presence for her and the children through that ritual and then you’re monogamous during that time. My followers know I don’t believe marriages last and that’s nature, but while you’re young and have a family, I do believe you need to be married. I’m thinking these men have yet to ground their emotional independence from mother and family and thus, they can barely begin or ground their own family. Sounds tragic to me and is quite enlightening.

I need a heart bond with a man or I’ll find my lusty self using his ass. See, that’s what’s unfair! So say we do have hot sex. He cannot think, by a long stretch, that he, or I, are in love with each other and circle wagons around me. So then you’re in that territory and someone will get hurt because there is some kind of intense attachment there because of the sex but it’s not love. I know that but I don’t think he will.

I know we have nothing in common. I know he’s not my type in terms of personality. I am reminded of the line from Bernadette on Big Bang Theory when she was chatting with Penny in her room about having a hookup. She said with a huge smile on her face, “You mean like having your way with him and throwing him to the curb with teeth marks on his hiney?” Penny says, “I’m not going to do that!” But then she changes her mind. That’s what being horny does to us and we don’t prefer doing it. Yes, we like hot sex as much as men but it starts to complicate things.

I just don’t know. My twin flame emailed me back this morning and he was such a brat. He either treats me like a queen or like he acts like he hates me and won’t forgive the missteps when I was out there. Seriously, what is that?? He is resisting his feelings for me I think and because I’m in love with him and he knows it, I’m not going away. He can push all he wants, like until we die and I’ll see him on the other side.

Then I live with unrequited love. I have no control over a man’s heart and I have no control over who I love and who I don’t. It just follows nature, like my body. What should I do? Will a liaison with this Zoosk guy mess up the vibe with my Twin Flame? My intuition says it might. But I’m not one to live with unrequited love either.

A Woman Changing Her Body Size


zoosk
ZOOSK.

We all know it’s a power and culture issue for a woman or man to change in body size; smaller or bigger. Think about what that says about human behavior. We’re animals. Animal dominance in the wild is based on size, usually, the bigger one being dominant. But that’s not the case in human society because the demands in our environment to survive are different than animals in the wild.

In human society, youth and speed are prized as well as flexibility, at least by the white culture. I’ve noticed on Zoosk that the handsome white men don’t chat me up and they have fairly desirable characteristics. After talking to my friend Gia who is black, she told me she thought I was black. She’s only seen my pictures, not me in person. But it is definitely true that black men have predominantly been attracted to me throughout my life and on Zoosk. I thought it was caused by my personality being a strong woman, not my body size or look. I think I was wrong. My skin is pretty white. I guess my features aren’t. Chalk one up for denial.

I love the black culture but I was raised as whitey white as can be! I don’t fit well in the white culture though. I grant everyone that. Still, three of my best friends are white women and three of my other besties are black. I guess I’m culturally both!

I’ve noticed that handsome white men prefer soft, docile blonde women and everyone else goes for dark-haired, strong women. So Arab, Indian, and Black men chat me up on FB but not Hispanic men. What’s that about? They are more macho I think and prefer a traditional hetero role for women while they’re free to run about? I really don’t know. I’ve never been married to or dated a Hispanic man but my twin flame is Hispanic. Is he dragging his feet because our cultures are so different?

He made a comment while I was out there, “I’m as Mexican as can be ya know. I’m not like a white man.” What the hell is that supposed to mean O enlightened one? I don’t care about that. I like the Hispanic culture too! My breasts are female and adequate and men are men. You would think that would suffice? Then there’s the fact that he is Spanish heritage based on his last name so he is European! He looks it too. Sheesh. So he doesn’t have any feelings for me because to HIM, I’m white and he definitely rags on the white culture? Maybe. I can’t win. Then he’s not awake. I hate all of this human superficiality so much and really, never paid any attention to it growing up so I think I’m behind on what “I’m supposed to know”. I never wanted to get married so I didn’t pay any attention! That and my family accepted all different cultures; especially my grandparents.

I don’t know what changing body size is going to say about me culturally but I resent being aware of it at all! I just wanted to be healthier. I don’t want to believe I will all of a sudden be acceptable in the white culture because I’m thin and beautiful but I think that is how superficial people are. And then will I be resented by my black friends in whose culture it’s expected that women are fluffy? And to my twin flame, god only knows.

Size bias and culture are fascinating and I have no answers. I just see the behaviors and find it odd. I’m getting too many comments about my looks on social media as opposed to my content. Makes me mad. That doesn’t happen to men. I’m happy to hear your comments and I’m going to stop thinking about it. I will be taking notes though as I shrink and I am shrinking fast.

I’ll have to come up with a way to give a verbal boundary. No doubt, it will make me sound like a grumpy bitch but I don’t care. I think people need to be made aware of their double standard comments regarding looks for women and men and cut it out. What about humans loving each other no matter what??

Why Do People Hate Smart Women? | Psychology Today


Expansion-Paige Bradley
The sculptor is Paige Bradley

 

This is another great article on this topic only this time the comments are super revealing. Enquiring minds need to know… lol. Just scroll quickly to the top to see the full article.

Psychology Today-Why Do People Hate Smart Women

This is a comment by S.C. on this great article;

Being an incomplete female, the male spends his life attempting to complete himself, to become female. He attempts to do this by constantly seeking out, fraternizing with and trying to live through and fuse with the female, and by claiming as his own all female characteristics — emotional strength and independence, forcefulness, dynamism, decisiveness, coolness, objectivity, assertiveness, courage, integrity, vitality, intensity, depth of character, grooviness, etc — and projecting onto women all male traits — vanity, frivolity, triviality, weakness, etc.

It should be said, though, that the male has one glaring area of superiority over the female — public relations. (He has done a brilliant job of convincing millions of women that men are
women and women are men). The male claim that females find fulfillment through motherhood and sexuality reflects what males think they’d find fulfilling if they were female.”

Comment by anon;

It is true that a lot of people hate intelligent women, but they don’t like to admit to it. Watch how frequently intelligent women have their appearance insulted. Those people are expressing their jealousy at her intelligence, whilst at the same time trying to persuade her that her intelligence has no value, because most people only care about a woman’s looks. Comparing mothers and fathers you’ll find that when a father goes to work he’s “providing for his family”, but when a mother goes to work she’s “abandoning her children”“.

Here is a comment by Cathy. This one is really good and I’ve had the same thing happen in physicians offces I’ve worked in where I solved a patient’s body dilemma.

“I’ve experienced rabid reactions from men numerous times in relation to points 3 and 6. (in the article). Both of those points are related. Just conversing in terms of normal average level of intelligence in a spirit of shared understanding in a social situation has resulted in men lashing out immediately with paranoid and derogatory accusations that what I am really doing is trying to make out that I “know something”. Apparently, as an adult woman I am not allowed to “know something”. I am talking about just normal conversations referring to every day things. If I try to point that out to defend myself all they do is continue to accuse me of trying to make out I “know something” by referring to everyday things, as if that made me a rotten bitch.

These men would never explain to me what their problem was, and I was always unprepared for this crap because it is so irrational, but it relates to the idea that many men don’t think their theory of mind relates to women, so in their mind we would never be ‘able’ to have a normal conversation for real, so therefore it must be some kind of trick that we are playing on them.

I wondered if it might just be men of low socio-economic status that had this faulty thinking. Then at one point I dated a CEO and founder of a software company. He prided himself on an image of himself as a man of extra high intelligence, so I thought he would know better. Unfortunately not. On a day out were in a shop that sold games that tested intelligence. He wanted to go in but I have no liking for those kind of games so I went into another shop and he was in there on his own and he and another guy spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to extract this piece of metal out of a glass bottle. Apparently it’s rigged so you have to be pretty smart to figure out how to get it out.

By the time I walked in to the shop he and the guy had given up. They handed me the bottle, and after looking at it for about 30 seconds I figured it out and extracted the piece of metal. My CEO boyfriend says to me “If we (he and the other guy) couldn’t figure it out how could you do it” – with the emphasis on the word ‘you’. He was really shocked and kept going on and on how it would have had to be a fluke that I got the metal bit out and that I couldn’t have really solved it for real. It was really insulting, yet he seemingly had no recognition that he was being insulting and derogatory to me. I politely explained to him that to get the thing out I actually had to work out the only way it could come out, I didn’t just randomly jigger with the thing and fluke it – but he vehemently objected to the idea that I could have been able to do any such thing, and when I asked him why he thought that he said that he didn’t believe that I could be smart enough to do even one single thing that he and another guy couldn’t do. When I asked him to explain why he would think that, he couldn’t explain. That made two things he couldn’t figure out in 20 minutes for someone who proclaimed himself to be so incredibly intelligent. It’s obviously a delusional theory of mind, and it’s a very common experience that I have had with men and it’s disgusting. It’s made me stay away from relationships, and social situations altogether where I will come in contact with men.”

I’ll stop there. All I can say is I can relate. Also note, there are very intelligent women out there who play dumb because it makes a man feel more secure. It manipulates his ego. That’s one way to play it. I don’t waste my time with that.

“I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

misconceptions about strong women


load the star

Strong women have been broken and usually ripped to shreds and used by family, death, life, employers, and the opposite sex and don’t sink to the bottom, use others cynically or crack up. They remain open, brave, active warriors on this very difficult planet that says “Love” all the time but doesn’t do it. They do it and it bears fruit. They understand that forgiveness is for their good, not the abuser and they don’t feel one bit of guilt about it.

The misconceptions are:

We are independent, not interdependent

We are not usually independent we are interdependent. Interdependent means we depend on others and they depend on us. We count on the people we live and work with to do self-care also so we can depend on them when we need them. We take care of ourselves so they can depend on us when they need us. This creates trust and function. It’s called adult reciprocity.

It’s harder for a man to live or bond to us

It’s impossible for a weak man to even get our attention. We are attracted to strong, self-contained men and there aren’t very many to choose from. What is weak? Poor health, poor looks, poor hygiene, poor social skills, bad teeth, poor finances, wears a baseball cap all the time, wears a suit all the time, wears sunglasses all the time, hides behind religion, cares about his orgasm more than mine, looking for a hook-up, no relationship skills, doesn’t respect women or to spend friendship time with one, believes women have their place, feels women are too controlling.

It’s exceptionally easy for a good, strong, interdependent man to live or bond with a strong woman because she’s trustworthy. Is he? She’s always there for herself and others so she’ll be there for you. You can’t really take advantage or get one over on her and she has no time to control you because she’s busy controlling her own life. Sounds sexy to me.

We need others less than most people

The truth is we really struggle to find women who aren’t jealous or won’t compete with us, who love and like us and care about our struggles and weaknesses and who haven’t sacrificed themselves lock, stock, and barrel to a spouse or family or latched themselves to a partner that defines them. We have fewer friends than most people because we tend to be dissed by most women and men so the truth is, we need people more. We also tend to invest a large amount of energy in our work.

We’re high maintenance

We are high maintenance for ourselves, not for others. Egotistical women are high maintenance. Strong women expect the most from themselves, not from others. We don’t usually expect anything from others unless they love us, understand us or offer. It’s very rare that anyone does. We’re actually the lowest maintenance person because we take care of ourselves…all the time. We actually have no choice given our values of integrity and how broken we’ve been by being kind to those that hate themselves and are looking to get, get, get, and take, not give.

We’re bitches

Strong women are confident, kind and liberal. They are not cruel and controlling. Strong women are the most loving, kind, empathic, considerate people I know and because we’re not centered in ego, others think we’re foolish or chumps. Wrong. Egotistical women are bitches and sit in their woundedness, getting revenge when they can. That’s weak. There is nothing worse on the planet than a cruel, foolish, ignorant woman. Strong women want to empower others and themselves with their work and believe in the gifts of the spirit.

We’re selfish

If you define selfish with a capital “S” then we are always working to be sitting in our Higher Self. We won’t let negativity, resentment, the past, and followers bring us down or dissuade us from our mission. We tend to be leaders and entrepreneurs. Selfish with a small “s” are usually women still stuck in their adolescence developmentally for whatever reason. It’s important for men to think about their previous relationships and decipher whether she was selfish and not project that onto a strong woman.

Strong women spend a lot of time alone because we need to replenish our energy from the joy of giving to others and taking care of ourselves at the same time. Most of us are never lonely and enjoy being single. That is the case for me. We welcome friends or partners that won’t compete, be jealous, try to put their thumb on us or break our backs to make themselves look bigger but we usually do end up alone while everyone climbs the human dog pile to see if they can get to the top and snag the trophy that means nothing to us.

The Work of The Spiritual Warrior


It becomes the work of the spiritual warrior to love themselves and life so strong and so true that the b.s. around them doesn’t stick nor does it distract. You certainly cannot change the very negative person or family system; you can only stay in your own space. A healthy relationship really isn’t possible. Its foundation is self-loathing and then they treat others poorly, especially those close to them mostly because they think you have to tolerate it since it’s your role as a family member to be offloaded onto. That is not your role and no, you don’t have to do anything. There is grieving to go through then.

The spiritual warrior does not profess perfection or ego but works and works and applies themselves to their own body, to bring light and life through the flesh that is already IN the flesh. Physical alignment brings Spirit-Body-Mind alignment since they are one. That is the true work of the spiritual warrior. Maybe you know God is real and the others don’t believe it? God is not a religion; it’s the Universe, nature, and physics. That changes people’s minds and hearts as well.

Is the resentful person also jealous of your wounds, losses, being innocently sued, deaths, threats to life, and threats of harm with no backup? Are they jealous of your struggle and weakness? Are they also jealous of your pain? Why not? Is it too hard to acknowledge what the strong person has been through to BE strong? The resentful person is usually emotionally and spiritually lazy, selfish and whines a lot. There is no fixing that other than what they decide from within themselves.

Are you owed so much more than you received from your parents? Really? You have a  body, time and opportunity. What are you whining about? Everyone has a story and it’s usually pretty bad because this is earth. Let it go. You are a free adult now. Get busy! But don’t expect others to approve of you taking the high road, especially if you’re beautiful and you succeed. Based in ego, you’re making them look bad when you love yourself and others and they don’t, and when you have control of your property, possessions, and body as a woman and they don’t.

Most parents don’t super-duper love their children. It’s mostly a natural, organic love simply because the children come from them; as an extension of themselves. They use them for their own benefit first as a tax deduction then god knows for what other ego trips. They’ll put a good face on it though, especially if they have money and letters behind their name.

There aren’t enough gifts, fake compliments or money to make up for a family member who says they love you, then treat you like a dog slave saying you’re their servant, verbally harassing you because they’re jealous, lying about what you’ve done to them and threatening to make something up to sick the cops on you and defending the right of people who hate you, in the family, to attack you.

No amount of love, goodwill, and good works can fix people who hate themselves and others. This is what good people need to accept if they are to stop the co-dependency, walk away, and cut the spiritual cord forever.

a middle-aged, healthy woman gives up nothing during sex; she gains.


zoosk

This article is so interesting as far as the male psyche goes. I had to read several sections a few times to understand it and I still need to mull it over.

Men Lose Respect for Women With Whom They Have Sex

“Some men and many women have been socialized into thinking that the woman gives up something during sex. This speaks to the male’s vision of conquest. He believes that he has said or done something to make the woman give in to him. He knows his true intentions are less than honorable, and so he projects his own internal sense of unworthiness onto the female by saying it is she, not him, who is worthless, easy, fast, desperate, stupid, etc. for falling prey to his advances. This kind of thinking completely strips the woman from having any natural right to her sexual desires and her choice to act upon such desires.”

The men don’t always say it’s the woman. My date felt guilty about himself because we were extremely lusty with each other. I never feel guilty about my body or sex so he was alone in that. But that last sentence is not something I’ve ever allowed but always wondered why my attitude wasn’t going anywhere. The energy would just fall flat so it seems it’s true. We are not empowered as women ruling over our own body yet, fully.

I’m dating on Zoosk again, having learned a few things the first time around with middle-aged men. I’ve had two bizarre dates in one week. The nice part was both men were very good looking, showed up, and we had good talks. The matching theme was they were both still hung up emotionally on past women and felt the woman broke their heart. They barely had anything good to say about her and blamed her for the end of things. I didn’t stand a chance to even start anything with either one of them. So why did they date me? One was just to talk and the other was horny and wanted sex. This was months or years ago and they hadn’t gotten over it. I’ve always conjectured that men get far more emotionally attached in a steady relationship with a woman but my experience with these men proves it. Guys are squishy!

The second thing is they tend to feel guilty about their sexuality probably because it’s so easy for them to just f*k and not be emotionally involved at all. I think they deplore themselves to a certain extent just because it so natural to them. I’ve even conjectured that men prefer to have sex with bad, cruel women because it’s a turn on for a man with low self-esteem which is many of them. They’re not really attracted to happy, lovely women. The younger men who are looking for a mate and mother for his children will look for a woman like that to marry because she is acceptable to his family but then choose a racier, wild woman on the side. It serves his desire for novelty. It’s not that he doesn’t love his wife, it’s that she’s too busy with the kids to be sexually deviant, to keep him entertained, and may not be a lusty type of woman.

Third, they were both pretty depressed, not happy campers. They both hinted at being lonely and talked about their kids and family far more than I did. I am the opposite of all of that so none of that sits well with me with a guy. Now that I think of it, every man I’ve been married to or dated has told me he’s depressed. It’s an epidemic. Not so with women. Women tend to be happy or know how to make themselves happy. I’m happy generally speaking and doing very well single.

“Women are perceived as being a threat simply because of their desirability. One facet to explore would be that the male ego is built upon a need or a drive to conquer, to expand, to be strong, to be dominant, etc and in the end, it is the female whom the male inevitably feels weak to.”

This quote applies directly to a good friend that I really like and am attracted to who is out of state. He’s as much as said this and I’ve been confused by it for ten months. The last thing I’ve ever tried to do with a man is to control him. I don’t have time or desire to conduct a man’s life yet he keeps saying women are so controlling. What kind of women has he been in a relationship with? Weak ones with no life and no ambition, no dreams? Co-dependent ones? I’m looking at that far away in the rear view mirror.

“Men are quite aware of how much we mean to them and this need for us can easily be misconstrued as being a weakness. So what do men do about their weakness? What do they do about things that they feel are beyond their wilful control? They try to deny their vulnerability while forcing their will. Thus women have many rules, stigmas, religious guidelines and laws to ensure that we are kept in a psychological position of subservience. It is no secret that most men do not like to even think of the woman of their affection being with another man. (possession) Fear causes men to manipulate women into denying their feminine desires which in turn causes us to feel guilty and sinful for certain behaviors.”

Nope. Not happening in my world. My male friend has been trying to keep me on a hook in just this way although he would never admit it. We both love each other as friends, spoken! We are both very hot for each other…spoken! We both want to have sex…spoken! But now he says he won’t go there with me because he “never does relationships”. Yes, he has. He told me he’s had two serious relationships with a woman. He’s friend-zoned me but I may have done it first frankly after he cavalierly said, “We can get a room.” The friend zone may as well be the “Twilight Zone” as far as I’m concerned unless I consider him my gay friend even though he presents very straight. Well, I believe him based on what he’s told me and the fact that he’s never been married. I don’t know what’s going on. The short of it is, we have so much in common and are so attracted to each other that we’re not ready to go there yet. I’m cool.

I’m leaving it to lie and getting what I need from other men. I’m not staying on his hook but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I do. But I won’t be controlled or denied sexually. No way no how. That’s an empowerment issue for me. Women need sex! Middle-aged women need sex! Are you going to supply it or not fella?

I don’t know if men in the U.S. think this way. I hope not. I do believe we’re coming to a more equitable sense of responsibility as consenting adults. The exception would be the religious men; Christians, who continue to want to be married and “take care of” a woman. This all needs to drop away. My last date was a Christian and he had no conception whatsoever of my humanity and conceiving of me as an independent woman taking care of myself. It was lost on him. That said, he was a very nice guy. Most of the men on Zoosk are Christian which is extremely troubling. That’s not going to work for me at all.

We’ll see. No sex the first date, that’s for sure. The way I’m feeling about my out of state friend who I talked to today, he’s the only one I want right now. Uh oh.