I’ve been accused three times, with men I’ve dated, liked or known, of being a black widow and it’s ridiculous and offensive. I am literally a widow (twice) and a single woman but I’m not analogous to a black widow spider! Black Widow refers to the arachnid female spider called the Black Widow. It refers to the action of many INSECTS, not mammals who inject a male, with whom they have just mated, with poison and eat him for nutrition. Apparently, calories are hard to come by in the arachnid world and in order to grow their eggs/offspring, they need food. There are a few scientific theories about why this behavior occurs but none of it crosses over to mammalian behavior.
Spiders are not the only ones who do it. Praying mantis and many other insects do it as well to their male mating partners; biting off their heads after mating. I wasn’t there when the arachnids had their meeting on how to deal with evolution but the propagation of the species does tend to come first in the entire animal and plant kingdom. Sometimes a sacrifice has to be made. lol. The exception among spiders is the male Wolf Spider who eats his female mate, so that does occur.
Getting to my point. humans are warm-blooded MAMMALS meaning the females have highly nutritious food-producing mammary glands for our offspring and very horny male mates who just can’t get enough of our breasts. As a female who has had a baby and several mates, I can vouch for the fact that we love giving it to them as well as the rest of our bodies. It’s an instinct! In addition, female mammals are known for continuing to be nurturing and affectionate to children and mates even after they are weaned! GEE! That’s pretty nice. Feminism and having our own money has not completely ruined our loving mammalian instincts. I don’t see women spinning webs and growing eight legs yet even if they do become more aggressive and smarter.
Interesting isn’t it? The fact is, female mammals have a huge instinct to feed and nurture the males not cannibalize them. The male mammals are very aggressive with one another, however. Of course, this is very hard wired in female mammalian brains to nurture their own family and even perfect strangers or their children! It’s a beautiful thing, so men need to beg off calling us black widows or being scared of great, loving women.
It’s all the more offensive to me as a very generous, nurturing, female mammal to be made analogous to a cold-blooded, arachnid spider who eats her mate in cannibalistic sex after mating. The men I’ve known have “jokingly,” said, “I better be careful of you!” when they find out two of my mates died. The truth is, all three men have been married to overly aggressive women or women who eventually decided they were lesbian. Again, I wasn’t there at the meeting but I’m as straight and as nurturing as can be; not a lesbian.
The fact is, my son’s father died four years ago today, December 30, 2015, from cancer all over his body because he lived a life of rage and cigarette smoking. He caused his own death even though his brothers scapegoated me upon his death. My boyfriend Michael died three months later from the flu which turned into pneumonia. That happens often. And with people who have weak lungs or are generally unhealthy, it’s even more common. Michael did not take care of himself either and did have weak lungs. Instead of compassion for all of this loss I’ve gone through, because I’m intelligent and confident, I’ve been blamed for the death of males as though my very existence was a threat to them. I deserve love and compassion for what I’ve been through, not blame, competition from women, or attempt to vampire my energy because I know who I am. I’m on this planet to help, not to harm and I need reciprocation from a new, straight mate.
Women and men do take turns blaming each other for each other’s demise when the truth is, our health and happiness lie in our own hands. But we can simply help one another when it’s appropriate. The black widow accusation is just another way for certain men to escape taking responsibility for maturing when it comes to bonding and honoring their feelings for a certain woman. Many continue in their socially sanctioned slutty ways of hook-ups and friends with benefits. That’s fine but I’m not doing it. Maybe they miss their very mean ex’s and they don’t want a kind, nurturing woman. That’s always possible but I don’t attend low self-esteem meetings either.
She doesn’t look like an arachnid to me.
Share this: Intuition UP! Lisa K. Townsend, Author
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I think I’ve stayed in lust mode in my brain because I’ve lost too many people I’ve loved. It’s like a car idling. My life isn’t idling but my feelings about bonding in a relationship are definitely idling. Maybe I’m stuck in lust gear because it’s emotionally safer. There is no risk of having your heart ripped out and stomped on the floor by death and life itself if you don’t go into love gear and really start driving.
