Edward Snowden (@Snowden) Tweeted: Amazon announces Spyware-as-a-Service: https://t.co/6hkzsHjxh9 https://twitter.com/Snowden/status/1305883597262520325?s=20
That’s why so many men want to go to sex right away. They don’t want to show their lack of people skills, expressing emotion, or relationship skills to a woman. Dating is a gray area with no fences, rules or customs that change with passing time. Men thrive with boundaries and go down the tubes if they’re free to roam too much or too long. It’s the time when the female pulls out all of her expertly evolved radar and sizes up a man, checks him with her software and smells him to see if he’s useful for her purposes or worth giving her body to. That is if she’s smart. Remember, every man who comes in you gives you some of his DNA. It’s a scientific fact.
Mind you, a woman at any age can find a use for a man that suits her and we believe, and I’ve been told, men want us to want them. It’s not really the other way around. Men’s egos tell them they’re on top. Most women are easily acceptable to a man, especially if she’s very into him and is adoring. A man’s ego loves that more than anything. Women don’t need to be adored; men do. I’m super doting on a man I adore. It’s fairly nauseating and I can scarcely help it! To a man I don’t adore he doesn’t exist. That can be a heartbreaker but he had his chance to be invaluable to me and didn’t make the cut. In addition, I blogged on how I don’t care for the pressure of being adored by a man.
This is why dating is so awful for men and essential for women. Men really, really, really hate rejection and not measuring up. They have the evolutionary urge to be dominant, especially with women. I personally like that because as a strong woman, I need a break. I need support and someone to match me.
Women don’t experience that obsession with being accepted the same as men. All women I know of every size, look, or creed knows we hold the world together and give it love and life. Women are awesome and everything. So to be fair to men, they have to be given a chance to perform the dance in which they excel during dating; sex. I’m good with that as long as both parties know it’s an experiment not a relationship with commitment and tons of emotional bonding. It’s too early in the game. However, the man’s sexual performance will not impress an intelligent, tuned-in woman unless there is some emotional chemistry. That is non-negotiable and a deal-breaker if it’s absent.
This is a veritable minefield for most men as they do not excel at understanding or communicating emotion at all. It’s too easy for them to fail. That is an awful 4-letter word to a man. A few straight men do get emotions and they are super hot to me but most men are unskilled because feminism has distracted women from bothering with training men. Most women consider it beneath us now and many women just use men for sex. They don’t even want children or marriage anymore.
That’s a choice so I’m not judging it. Patriarchy has been especially hard on women and children but it has also been very hard on men. The elite use and slaughter men, their psyche, and their bodies and they partly program women to help them do it! That’s a subject for another blog but suffice to say, a modicum of dating needs to happen so that the woman gets what she needs and it’s not just McSex drive through which is bad for everyone and society. It’s up to women to ask for what they need as far as relating. Just don’t call it a relationship when you barely know each other! A relationship is built on affinity, friendship, maturity, trust, and emotional bonding; not just sex…at all.
The veneer on a piece of furniture can appear in many ways. It can be layers of paint, different color of stain, all of it possibly peeling. There can even be gashes and dent to the wood underneath.
The wood underneath is the truth and it’s rarely seen. It’s the heart of the matter and how the piece of furniture looked at its founding; it’s construction done by the carpenter’s hand. I love watching it progress, drinking in the smell of the wood.
When I look at any piece of furniture that has been stained or painted, I always wonder what the grain of the wood looks like underneath and what type of wood it is. Then I wonder who built it, the year it was built and for whom.
All of our social media; Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, on and on, show only the veneer of humans. We are all projecting a public image that we want others to think is true. It’s the image that we are comfortable having others see. It is the truth regarding how we express ourselves verbally but it’s partial because we’re not in the room physically present with each other. It serves to protect our deepest emotions and events of our lives from being too visible, too vulnerable as our bodies are visible. Maybe we are aligning with a group that “fixes” all that was wrong with our mother or father instead of aligning with our true selves in group settings.
I actually accept that about others. The reason being…underneath we are all innocent children that have had to learn to cope in certain family dynamics and fundamental societal expectations where most of the time, no one asked us what we wanted or how we felt. They just told us what we should do to fit in and be liked. Knowing and obeying those parameters helped us survive and maybe kept us alive. So we view that compromise as fundamentally good. But it’s not. It is surviving, not thriving. That’s how the veneer starts. Most of the veneer comes from religion, state schools, and our family.
It’s something to keep in mind when you communicate on social media. There is no way you’re getting an authentic picture of a person on any of those sites. We all cling to religions, political parties and value systems that we feel emotionally comfortable with culturally. That doesn’t mean that a person who is opposite of you doesn’t have a good heart or a stable mind. It’s amazing how convinced we can be of how right we are when we surround ourselves with people who agree with us.
It’s not about a group as right or wrong. It’s about caring to know who people really are underneath, listening, and being authentic ourselves. We’re called to love-not to judge…anyone…ever…for any reason.
I was looking straight ahead, as usual, driving my car.
I very rarely look at the car behind me in my rearview mirror.
For some reason, this time I did.
She was alone in her car with sunglasses on. I tried not to stare because somehow, I could tell she was upset.
I must have had my empathic radar on again because she looked normal for ten seconds.
I kept glancing back though.
Ok, now she was crying very hard.
I could tell by the shape of her lips as she was trying to control herself and wiping under her eyes beneath the sunglasses.
So many questions and pictures went through my mind.
Did she just get a call from the hospital that her son had gotten into a car accident?
Did one of her parents just die?
Then she started hitting the passenger seat and crying while we sat at the red light.
Being the kind of person I am, I wished I could let her know I wanted to reach out to her somehow.
When she got angry and hit the seat, that caused me to think her husband either asked for a divorce, she caught him with another woman, or her boyfriend text broke up with her.
Then the light turned green.
I wondered all of that, seeing something I’ve never seen before all in a space of forty-five seconds.
I hope she’s ok but I’ll never know.
Here’s to Betas…. red, black, and brown,
Nerds, freaks, and hacks. SubGenius clowns,
Women and children, hit hardest when down,
All stripes and all creeds, fat, shy in all towns.
Full of faith and good deeds all over the place,
No time for much make-up to cover their face
We don’t care about race, place of birth or your tastes,
Your character and actions are Beta Base.
Common sense, no big muscles, not much money in the bank.
What you think is slick we think is a skank,
The gasoline that we put in our tank
Is ruining the planet, we have Alphas to thank!
We’re beta, so real that no secrets leak out.
We like normal sex, a good time, knockabout.
Folks with a heart, a core, and three jobs,
Who work, love and vote and don’t whine about snobs.
Let people be different, no victims right here,
respect those with skills or a trade that pays bills!
Don’t let others mistreat you, least of all Alpha straights
who like those like themselves, their gender and rank.
They have shelves and ambition, ideas to spread,
Tons of money, big houses and charge you BIG RENT.
The men prefer men, the women, the women.
Promiscuous, decadence, mighty high livin’.
Tons of muscles, corporate welfare, nice suits, and big gold.
They voted for Trump and Merica has gone cold.
Rise up all you betas, warm it up with respect,
Kill your tech, hoe your garden, talk neighbor neglect.
Speak to others, join in, sing and dance all you want.
Betas gonna come up sure as tomorrow dawns.
Professional sex workers are as important to men as professional therapists, counselors, and psychologists are to women. If relationships mean the world to most women, and they do, then they like therapists who help them navigate the choppy waters. Women are more complex than men. We are also given more freedom to express our emotions in society.
The same goes for men with professional prostitutes. Men are simple. Prostitutes are likely the top women on his list because they’re willing to do whatever he wants and needs to please him with no relationship so he can continue being dedicated to his work and money. Today, at this moment, that could be considered toxic masculinity. I’m really not sure. I’m observing the issue. That’s love and that’s heaven for him, just as relationships are for women.
Yet think about the fact that in American society, sex is not considered loving, is degraded, is ultra-natural and is considered to be far below bonding, relationships, and love. Two men, I’ve spoken with absolutely agree that sex can be like defecation to them and that’s fine with them. Anything physical to men is far more novel than it is to women. No woman I’ve talked to would view sex that way in a million years. Sex is spiritual and emotional for us and it really is toxic for a man to ask us to be any other way. Women that agree to that hate men.
But men are supposed to submit to female values which are widely considered to be superior. Are they? Or are these values biased? Are women’s sex values ever toxic? Like, only marrying a man for the child she can give him, the father role he can play, and the money he can provide while she does that? Isn’t she using him?
I have no position on this yet but I am examining the issue because I have very intelligent males friends (more than one), who believe it’s perfectly fine for women to be professional sex workers and treat me like they wish I was one, free of charge, no emotions. I’m not. I’m a human being, a woman with a warm heart, and a professional therapist. But the men that come into my office treat me like I should be a sex worker, unrelenting. The events in our society seem to be making men even more aggressive than before on that score!
What’s a good woman with a good heart to do who likes bonding and love? We live in a fallow garden. Our children grow up and move on with their lives. We have to cultivate doing what we love, have our own money and work and our own homes. It is a mistake to trust men or to rely on them for anything if you’re a good-hearted woman.
Above all, take care of your health. You’re the only one really keeping an eye on things. That’s the reality, only no one wants to admit it.
Can you remember the days before Facebook and Twitter? I can.
When Facebook first came out I thought, “Wow, they want us to bear our private lives on this public platform. Why? I wonder if it’s healthy? And who would pay attention? This is weird. Well, ok!”
It was a psychological ploy to pull information out of us, sell us more shit, and give up our private information to improve marketing. We know that now. It’s amazing to look back on that event as a transition. The overriding thought I had was not very many people would have the courage, to be honest, and write what they really thought and that was correct. Instead, Facebook is spin and posturing. Twitter became more honest and snarky. I personally prefer Twitter most of the time as an adult, but Facebook is far warmer and more personal. It depends on what mood I’m in as to which one I prefer.
What I know now is that I feel like pulling inward and staying local given how unstable everyone has gotten. I don’t think social media is helping there.
A connection is an affinity, ease of communication, an understanding of another person, a desire to get to know someone better, the real possibility of a lasting friendship, and for women, respect. For men, it’s a huge turn-off to contemplate respecting a woman although most won’t admit it.
A connection does not denote love, being in love, physical attraction, desire for sex, desire to get married, desire to live with you, dreaming of a future, desire for a boyfriend, an attempt to control the other person, or dependency. Just because a guy feels a connection to a woman he really…should not freak out in fear that she’s going to control him with her feminine ways and make him give her babies. Or, post-reproduction, make him grow up and face and express his feelings. Most of us are too busy to try to control you. We ask that you organize yourselves. That’s usually asking too much though.
Interdependent connection between a woman and a man means you each have your own lives, take responsibility for knowing and expressing how you feel, making your own physical appointments, have boundaries that you agree on for privacy, but depend on each other for whatever you’re comfortable with which is usually quite a bit; affection, sex, sharing food duties, household chores, and child and pet care. Personally, though, I think couples need to have their own money and manage it themselves but sometimes merging it makes a bigger pile obviously. However, spending priorities can cause a divorce so, in that case, keep it separate.
I happened to be sitting next to a guy at a bar several months ago and he got a text from a woman he’d been dating. He told me she was really hot (like I need to know that. He wanted me to know that). She had just texted that she was willing to help him decorate his new place. He complained to me that that was intrusive and overcontrolling of her. I just shook my head. Men. You overinterpret us just being nice, way too much. We just like to do girly stuff.
You also make an awful lot of dumb assumptions about our sexual prowess and skill-based on our body shape and size. That’s like assuming an orange that’s bigger than the other ones won’t taste as good pulling it off the tree when it truth, it will likely be sweeter and juicier! Your loss dude. Think through stuff more. A smart woman in life is a smart woman in bed, no matter her size. And if she’s smart, she’ll be detached in her feelings and won’t necessarily want you to stay. We independent types like the whole bed to ourselves. You’re programmed to prefer thin women and that’s just dumb.
Another guy I sat next to one time pointed out a large-sized waitress and said, “She looks good to me. It makes me hungry looking at her.” I’m thinking, “Does he see her as a roast chicken and potatoes or a human being?” I mean really! It would have been funny if it wasn’t so stupid! Again, I shook my head.
Women have given up on all of that. A simple connection means you guys stay calm enough, nixing the drama and fear, that we can have your short attention span for maybe ten minutes? Most women won’t settle for that anymore and many women are just going to women; lesbianism. The only women left who want you will be women that want babies and that will be all they want from you if that’s the only skill you’ve developed. But if you flirt, don’t lie about it and act like you haven’t. All guys flirt even just to see how far he can get, even if he doesn’t mean it. But if you flirt, and we flirt back, you better deliver dude.
Most women are independent, not dependent. Women “act” dependent for your ego. That’s it. Most women have an education and know they need to have their own money because let’s face it; most of the time you use your money to try to control us. No woman wants to be controlled and penniless. There’s no room for love to grow there and no security for us. All women want love before anything else but many women have compromised for so long, not having the connection and affection they need that they’re out of touch with their body. Just sex is just the worst for us. It’s Mcdrive-thru Sex. Horrid. It also tells us you aren’t very bright. Only dogs just fuck and eat fast food for God’s sake.
I’ve known more than one man who I had friendship and affinity with and flirting, run the other way because I returned it. I’m mystified. We’re not supposed to like you back or you split? Are we just supposed to stand there, bask in it, and look pretty, never say anything smart and let you control every aspect of the relationship to your comfort level because you’re so insecure? That’s the only way you’ll come back or stick around? Oh well then, see ya!
Strong independent, intelligent people are not affirmed and supported as much as weak ones are. I’ve seen it time again. Those that wear the mask of distress get attention much quicker than the strong ones. This may swing back and forth, meaning, people aren’t always sure what they’re attracted to if they’re ego based on their attraction. Meaning, they are looking for what will SERVE them and their particular needs, like an item they shop for in the store. It pretty much sums up the abuse cycle or oppressor and oppressed, victim and victimizer, Republican and Democrat. The kids are sick of all of it.
Strong people are perceived as not needing as much. Weak people need more, but this is a game. Everyone has weaknesses and needs and strengths. Each person just decides which face to show you for their own ends. A weak face takes from others who can be played or offloaded onto. A strong face gives and receives in balance and reciprocation with others. There is a balanced give and receive.
Reciprocation is a mature spiritual value and action. It’s the basis of our economy! There is a price listed and you pay it to receive the good or service. Why isn’t it this simple in human relationships?
Everyone has something to give and everyone has needs. If our culture acknowledged this our politics would collapse-which it actually is. Why is that? Because young people aren’t as biased and religious sacrifice based. They aren’t as dysfunctional.; co-dependent-addict drama. They can’t be played by masks and lies that humans present.
Those of us in the older generation might do well to look at the young people around us who refuse to put up with any more scapegoating, blood sacrifice bullshit for money (TRUMP); such as the assault rifle issue. They’ve had it and they’re about to rumble. Congress can kiss it goodbye.
It has finally happened after twenty years. I live alone in my house, no men, no noise, no demands for food or rides, this or that, “Mom can you help me!” “C’ mon, let’s go to the store”.
My son’s dad died two years ago…the last time I saw him was Christmas Day. Five days later, he was gone. I barely eeked out a smile as I said goodbye. He had been pretty emotionally abusive to me, frustrated his whole life, not knowing he was high-functioning autistic savant until three months beforehand. My efforts at solace could not change his brain, but he was a music legend on the pile of my torn apart heart. In addition, my son did not see his father respect me; the fruits of patriarchy.
Three months later my fiance died. I had fifteen minutes notice. We loved each other and did everything for each other. It was not to be. He had not taken care of his body and it caught up with him.
Now four days ago, my nineteen-year-old son went out the door with his backpack and no notice to start his hero’s adventure quest which is his birthright. Good for him but he could have warned me! It reminded me of the sudden death of my fiance.
On his way out, of course, he was mad at me and said I was so selfish. I suppose because I take care of myself and being a female, that is unacceptable and taboo. I wonder if he thought of the effect of his words on me, skipping them like stones across the water? Doubtful at his age.
But the men walk out quickly and don’t return I’ve learned, to the other side of this world…or town. It doesn’t matter. They’re not with me.
It is so peaceful in this house without a raucous male. Part of me has waited twenty years to take my body back from my partners and my son, and before that, a line of men, but not a long line.
Now I get an adventure quest; a fresh start, the second half of my life, a thriving business, a home, free to do whatever I want and a body with no risk of pregnancy. I haven’t given it all away.
It’s like this secret I have as a fifty-four-year-old who no one would suspect and assumes in our youth-worshipping culture, female-sacrificing altars around every corner, that I’m all washed up. “Hasn’t that woman been laid flat yet? Well, why not?” (My mother keeps literally asking that as though she’s waiting for me to fall) “She’s Selfish!” they cry. With a capital “S” not a small “s”. There is the low self and the Higher Self.
Truth is, I am my own best friend and for the first time in my life, I’m taking care of my body for me and no one else. More and more women are doing it. I’m not alone. We still have work to do and adventure quests to commence. Ridiculous isn’t it.
I feign an attitude and a bird ready to flip until my dying day…because I said so.