Woman’s Intuition


I don’t know if living with a male ages a woman or not living with a male ages a woman.  It depends right?  I’m not suggesting that men don’t have intuition.  My empirical observation is that women are just more experienced with intuition and more accepting of it than men are.  It’s more of a fact of nature to me than anything.  Maybe we’ve evolved the trait over time. Nevertheless, my radar was on last night.

I had a date last night for the first time in a year; with a man.  The synchronicity about it was, the same day, I had been contacted by the fellow I had last dated ten months ago and had been fairly traumatized by actually. That’s a long story and I don’t think that there is ever one person responsible for the trouble in a relationship, but I have more scruples than he does; for sure. His call was trying to create a pretext for seeing me again by pretending he cared about my book when I didn’t even ask him for help (he’s an editor). The short of it is, I called him out on the emotional mess he left of “he and I” and told him “bon voyage” even though he doesn’t really have the guts to move out west by himself as he said he would back in October, which he used as an earlier excuse not to see me anymore. Or maybe, since today is his birthday, he thought I would be schmuck enough to make him a birthday pie as I did last year.  Not a chance in hell buddy.

I’m not sure if my scruples are a problem or not when I have a lover. I feel like it makes me “unbedable” in a way because I value love. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination.  I just like love and bonding, not hookups and this last fellow was the one responsible for taking it too fast. He was like a wild monkey. That would be hot if he also cared about me but because he didn’t, he pissed me off. I’m an intelligent human being with a heart and mind not a chimp in the jungle. Sex alone does nothing for me.  I digress. He’s done for.

Back to my current date…Maybe I’m somewhat old-fashioned, but telling the truth would be good for starters. His profile said that he was 50 years old. Since we were in a Chinese restaurant looking at the placemat with Chinese animals per year of birth, I asked him what year he was born. The answer, “1961”.  The dude was 56. I need to date a younger man, like 45-54 because of my attitude and look.  Two doctors in the last two months said they thought I was forty so I’m not in denial like some women, and I take care of myself and don’t smoke or drink too much. Both of those ages a person.

He kept projecting all of these character defects onto me on our first date.  It was truly repulsive. Harvey Weinstein’s face kept flashing in front of me.  I told him the Kung Pao Shrimp was very salty to my taste but the flavor was good. When I didn’t tell the waiter that but said it was fine because I don’t care if the waiter knows or not, he chided me, “You need to tell the truth!” Really dude?  Who was your last woman?  A criminal?

I don’t eat much salt and Chinese restaurants are notorious for salt so it’s not like the restaurant did anything out of character. I’m not going to bother with it. But the first thing out of his mouth was remembering how proud I was of my work when he offloaded regarding his body to me in a previous phone call. Boy did that piss him off. Apparently, it pissed me off that he decided to go get a spa massage after I spent a half hour listening to and talking to him about his back and how my manual therapy work could help him. He wasted my time. The conversation ended with him saying, “I’ll just go see a massage therapist.” I’d forgotten about it until last night, so apparently, the purpose of the date was for him to throw his resentment and offload to my face.  Then he very proudly asked the waiter to split the bill. It was abusive.

So here we are in 2017, where a kindly, very intelligent very skilled, cute single woman is being herself, namely me, and a guy who has been divorced by the mother of his three children who has obviously failed miserably in some arena is going to take it out on his dates instead of fixing his mess. I posted this before, but there is something emotionally wrong with guys. I think he’s going to die old and alone because of his ego. He can think he’s a catch, and he said as much, but by his behavior, is anything BUT a catch. Talk is cheap guys. Deeds over words. We hardly spent any time together and he was a major jerk.

Mind you, his online profile was sparkling. My intuition told me to stand him up just from the tone of his texts. I didn’t think he would show up. So, I let him show up first, he texted me he wanted me to come, so I went. I should have listened to my intuition.  He was a class A jerk, but cute.  I don’t care about cute when the heart is cold. A cold heart is a misogynist and I suggest you get your heart healed and fix your behavior before you date a woman who is not a hookup. Oh, and he would have rather we met in a bar but didn’t say that beforehand.  Spare me.

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Maybe Humans Crave Certain Feelings, not Drugs Themselves


That’s a pretty interesting suggestion.  It’s probably not a new one but I sure don’t hear anyone talking about that.  It would mean that you crave the way a drug makes you feel.

You may say, “Well yeah!” Pardon me if my realization sounds naive or conservative.  I’m not.  I’m an extremely liberal woman but I was born sober, so obviously I’m liberal intellectually, in speaking, and in friendships, not in my hobbies.  I have never craved drugs and when I do try them they don’t affect me.  Go figure.  I’ve used alcohol, been buzzed many times and only drunk once. It does nothing for my feelings at all nor does it make my body change much, good or bad. I’ve used pot maybe five times and it doesn’t affect me. I’ve used different kinds of tobacco and I like the smell of it because it reminds me of jazz, but that’s it. I cannot relate to craving a drug to make my feelings change. That’s as odd to me as thinking that changing my clothes will change my personality.  It’s extremely irrational and makes no sense to me.

I AM exceedingly familiar with my feelings changing though, a lot!!  My feelings have always swung this way and that naturally ever since I’ve been a child.  I am in touch with a range of feelings that as a professionally trained actor, I’m able to evoke or bring to the surface quite easily.  So, it must just be my personality; the way my brain works. It does run in my family, being theatrical, but we are also counselors, therapists, and mediums.  I’m also a musician.  I come from an emotionally expressive family so that was seeded in my subconscious in utero.

What all of this is bringing to light is the fact that if you have an expressive art you can imbibe in, maybe those feelings you’re craving will start flowing and your drug craving may go down.  We all need to let our feelings out.  And what about sex?  I know women tend to be more emotional during sex than men if men are at all, but more sex would be good for women then. Most women are as comfortable with sexual feelings as they are with taking a shower or feeling ill.  It’s just part of having a body.  I know this is diametrically opposed to men.

Men, I don’t know how you deal with your feelings other than drinking.  My 19-year-old son tells me that men do get emotionally attached in relationships even though males don’t get emotional during sex itself.  I know that the emotion of sexual tension that occurs when you’re attracted to a female is very uncomfortable for most men and FEAR is your big emotion; maybe even anger at not being able to control the woman’s sexual feelings? That was some inside information I received yesterday that was fascinating.  So, let yourself “be” in a relationship, talking, feeling bonded to other males and females as friends are very therapeutic for guys.  Also, just letting yourself feel the sexual tension with a woman you like.  It doesn’t mean you have to take any major action on it immediately…I guess.

As a female, I don’t really emotionally need friendships as much as I need sex.  I don’t think many women admit that but that’s definitely the case for me.  Or maybe I’m just far more into feeling my body in its natural state than others are. So it’s more important for me to have a partner than many friendships…eventually.

I’ll follow this blog up with my intuition and findings on sexual tension between men and women and maybe even women and women and men and men.  That should be compelling and timely. The issue seems to be unraveling our society on all levels. It’s about time right? This male fear and issue of emotional control is called patriarchy; then it manifests in forced sex. Nada. But are women really completely emotionally innocent in all of this? I really don’t know, seriously asking.

Is it possible that the psychology of sexual predation and sexual harassment is a form of sexual tension that is physically out of alignment because of pent-up feelings? Stay tuned.

 

 

There is Something Emotionally “Off” with Guys


There are too many on the roster for me to ignore this.  I read a lot too, so it’s not as though I’m ignorant. Well, seriously…I know men have feelings.  That’s very obvious and I’m good with that, unlike many women.  That’s just as obvious as the fact that women have feelings.  And I am sensitive to men’s feelings, as different than women’s and have a ton of experience with men expressing their feelings with me.  I’m safe to do that with.  That’s sort of the problem…maybe.

The Jekyll and Hyde thing, the fear of getting too close, or relying on a woman as your friend, or letting her help you with something she is strong in and you have no idea about; she does the same with you.  Why can’t men rely on women the same way? Why is that so emotionally vulnerable for you but it’s not for us?  Maybe you didn’t have a good sister?  That’s how you pattern it in your brain.

As a woman, who has talked to a lot of women, if we get a red flag about a dude, we break it off, let it go, and have a fairly practical attitude about the lack of emotional affinity so we don’t usually cling, push away, cling, push away, kick and punch.  That induces no sense of emotional security in a woman at all. And I’ve seen it way too much with men.  I don’t see this behavior in women maybe because there’s no way a guy would tolerate that from a woman.  I see and hear her making her mind up.  She has a subjective sense of “the feel” of the guy and their emotions and the sexual affinity so her radar is on baby!  If all that isn’t flowing, we’re not interested and don’t need to analyze it.  Our body told us and that counts the most.

Now the objective part.  Males tend to value or be, more objective to their everlasting detriment.  You’re missing half of the picture.  You thought you drank the whole glass, the other half is in there.  You thought you took a full breath, you didn’t exhale. I’ll stop. The objective picture, which women can fully, competently, always, always, see, is just dumb to us.  It’s never just that way.  You can’t gain any accurate information in life or in relationships by only being objective any more than you can know what sex feels like by just standing outside of it and watching it.

Subjective means you are the subject, you’re in it, you’re living it, your senses, feelers, intuition, BODY (such a big truth for women) are in the situation and we’re talking UPLOAD of information into the computer.  It computes, along with the easy, objective stuff.  We know what’s going on when we’re next to our man but we will never, ever, understand why guys are so irrational and comatose when you’re next to a woman, or her breasts, that you love or care for. Just why?

The rational way to analyze and proceed in a relationship is to dip your toe in the water, smell each other, listen to each other’s voices, socialize, get your instincts going, eat together…and this only takes maybe a couple weeks or the total of five dates to have enough data to make the decision.  Do I want to have sex with this guy and allow some emotional bonding or not?  Whether women admit it or not, our brains are programmed to emotionally bond otherwise, I don’t think we can orgasm.  It’s kind of obvious.

It is forever lost on me why men can’t be more rational about their feelings.  Women have evolved to be objective and subjective. We tend to be balanced for the sake of our children. There are plenty of brilliant women that can do the math, science, tech, blah, blah, blah, blah, like it’s such a big deal.  No…it’s not.  It’s pretty easy for us.  Dealing with you guys and not having to have our defenses up when you freak out over how you feel is what is not easy for us. Living with you is not easy for us.  I don’t think I can do it anymore.

Please try to be more subjective, more empathic, more understanding of other people and women who are different than you.  We are not men nor do we want to be.  We can balance being objective with being subjective and we ask the same of you.

Time for Truth…apparently


Time to Move from Fiction to Non-Fiction by Jay Baer

First, Millennials abhor falsehoods (not that any generation craves them, but Millennials are especially angsty about marketing wolves in sheeps’ clothing). And as Millennials become the dominant buying cohort for more and more companies, storytelling will become grounded in unvarnished truth.”

“Healer”, my new book, is right on time then.  It is nonfiction. I just need to find my audience who wants to hear the unvarnished truth!  You can purchase it from the homepage of this website.

The truth about what?

  • As a young person, you need to go your own way eventually and do what you want to do or you’ll be eaten alive by our materialistic society.  College can help you fund your dreams, maybe, but it is NOT a dream factory.  They don’t have that much imagination.
  • There are good people everywhere you go that you can make friends with, who you will stay bonded to your whole life.  It’s not as scary away from home as our media portrays.
  • The first people to use you and not necessarily love you may be your own family members! That doesn’t sit well with Disney magic or Hallmark holidays, but it’s the truth that many don’t want to admit…because it hurts.
  • There is nothing much harder, or better for your growth that making a circle of family that you choose from your conscious mind.
  • You are your own best friend and no one will ever know you better than you know yourself. Figure out your happiness/contentment recipe that you control. It’s amazing fun and very rewarding.
  • Sex without friendship and affinity will leave you empty. Sleeping alone is not that bad.
  • Women and men are not equal in the workplace…yet.  But it can happen.
  • Sometimes, ask for help from Deity, whatever name you wish to call them and show some respect in order to receive it.  Be sure you know how to receive it. Lose the ego, open the heart, listen to the body.
  • Someone close to you, who you love, can and will die, within minutes, with no notice.  You will survive it if you realize you will see them again!  Life on Earth is temporary, but physical separation from those we love still sucks for those of us left here.
  • We are ONE human race.  Most of our DNA is identical.
  • Everybody is different, even though we seem the same.
  • Love is real and nature absolutely heals

 

 

Intuition and Sexual Attraction


I just read this really great article called “Survival of the Prettiest”

Survival of the Prettiest

The success of our civilization and the health of our children is, to a great degree, dependent on intelligent, thoughtful, healthy women who listen to their bodies and to their intuition when deciding to mate.  This waste of time, women competing with each other regarding beauty, believing that the men know how to pick or do pick, is indolent. A woman who sits passively back and waits for a man to approve of her is not intelligent enough to be a mother. For all the blame we put on men, who from an evolutionary perspective are waiting for a woman to pick them, it really rests on women to set the tone and go forward with the holistic scientific method that includes natural biology and intuition. If you watch any streaming nature show on TV, it proves that the men are the one who dances, are colorful and work hard to be picked by a female for mating. It’s just a natural fact.

This article by David Dobbs of the New York Times starts out…

 “Darwin published another troublesome treatise — “The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relationship to Sex.” This expanded on an idea he mentioned only briefly in “Origin.” Sometimes, he proposed, in organisms that reproduce by having sex, a different kind of selection occurs: Animals choose mates that are not the fittest candidates available, but the most attractive or alluring. Sometimes, in other words, aesthetics rule.”

Please read the next few paragraphs of the article.  Then he says this,

“To Darwin’s dismay, many biologists rejected this theory. For one thing, Darwin’s elevation of sexual selection threatened the idea of natural selection as the one true and almighty force shaping a life — a creative force powerful and concentrated enough to displace that of God. And some felt Darwin’s sexual selection gave too much power to all those females exerting choices based on beauty. As the zoologist St. George Jackson Mivart complained in an influential early review of “Descent,” “the instability of vicious feminine caprice was too soft and slippery a force to drive something as important as evolution.”

Say what??!!!  I about fell off the couch when I read that.  Most women are not that superficial. Maybe Mr. Mivart wasn’t being picked by an intelligent woman and was frustrated! The ones that aren’t very bright and don’t think about relationship have unstable caprice and go for the car and money…or booty.  That’s a small group of women. Most women I’ve known, know that a foundation of friendship, respect, and affinity are the basis for big, lasting, sexual attraction.  That’s how most women roll, and we use our intuition to do it.

But in this case, it isn’t just our intuition, it’s the science of biology combined perfectly with the intuition that demonstrates my point.  The holistic scientific method demonstrates how women pick a mate.  Pheromones give off silent, non-noticeable smell signals to a woman, about a man’s DNA.  It doesn’t occur so much with men because they aren’t the ones reproducing.  Females make the healthy baby so we have to pick! That’s just nature fellas. This stuff is deep and not even in the control of males or females.  We smell each other unconsciously to put the DNA messages we get about the other person through our subconscious computer brain.

In this case, our 300,000-year-old ancient instinct is behind the selection.  Family resemblance comes into play here too.  Females and males tend to be drawn to people that may resemble an immediate family member if they have safe subconscious tapes about those family members. If you’re at reproductive age, you will be concerned whether or not that person will fit into your family when you have children.

 “Richard Prum, a mild-mannered ornithologist and museum curator from Yale, has published a book intended to win Darwin’s sex theory a more climactic victory with THE EVOLUTION OF BEAUTY (Doubleday, $30).”

“Prum considers birds artists. Manakins (Prum’s study group) carefully choreograph their dances. Bowerbirds mastered perspective in their bower building eons before human painters grokked it during the Renaissance.”

“Prum sees such aesthetic choices as driving a gradual “aesthetic remodeling” — an evolutionary reshaping of mating behavior, and even of male social behavior more widely, by the civilizing pressure of female preference. Prum stresses this is not about emasculating males or dominating them; it’s simply about selecting for males who allow females autonomy and choice.”

The sexually frustrated men who nobody loves, just start wars. We don’t want that.

Paige Bradley-spring

Artist Paige Bradley, “Spring”

Women’s and Men’s Brains are Biologically Different


It’s Biology, Not Socialization

“At the time, it seemed clear to me that any between-sex differences in thinking abilities were due to socialization practices, artifacts and mistakes in the research, and bias and prejudice. … After reviewing a pile of journal articles that stood several feet high and numerous books and book chapters that dwarfed the stack of journal articles … I changed my mind.”

Why? There was too much data pointing to the biological basis of sex-based cognitive differences to ignore, Halpern says.”

Behavioral Differences

Halpern and others have cataloged plenty of human behavioral differences. “These findings have all been replicated,” she says. Women excel in several measures of verbal ability — pretty much all of them, except for verbal analogies. Women’s reading comprehension and writing ability consistently exceed that of men, on average. They out­perform men in tests of fine-motor coordination and perceptual speed. They’re more adept at retrieving information from long-term memory.”

I am a female and all of that is the case for me. Is it for you? In this area particularly, we need to be patient with each other as men and women. Men are seriously behind us in communication and verbalization skills which women need SO much with a partner. We need to be able to talk to each other. Men can’t take it after awhile. They just need our bodies, is what I’ve noticed. That can be hard on women who need talking, bonding, and emotion to be turned on. Men only need that some. Some don’t need it at all which is a real problem. But curiously, I’ve heard more men say, when looking for a partner, “I just need to be able to talk to her.” That’s a good thing.

“Men, on average, can more easily juggle items in working memory. They have superior visual-spatial skills: They’re better at visualizing what happens when a complicated two- or three-dimensional shape is rotated in space, at correctly determining angles from the horizontal, at tracking moving objects and at aiming projectiles.

Well, of course, they’re better at aiming projectiles, come on!

Navigation studies in both humans and rats show that females of both species tend to rely on landmarks, while males more typically rely on “dead reckoning”: calculating one’s position by estimating the direction and distance traveled rather than using landmarks.”

It’s Important for Women to NOT Expect Men to Be Like Women. It’s Important for Men to NOT Expect Women to Be Like Men.

“New technologies have generated a growing pile of evidence that there are inherent differences in how men’s and women’s brains are wired and how they work.”

So, here’s to peace and bonding.

kissing

Oblivion


woman-with-orbs

Digital Artist Sandra Bauser



Time fades into oblivion

One memory, one vision of you and I feel whole again.

I remember your voice, your smell, the feel of you next to me.

In time, it was so long ago, yet to my mind, it was yesterday.

My love for you is as natural as my heartbeat.

Holy Kissing


Authority, document, Testament, creed

Usurps my Love and all Earth deeds

Nurture, Earth, yearning passion, lust

absent fondness, potent throbs concuss.

Strength, virility, manly vigor, force,

potent beat, vacant blow, profuse throbbing course

Pound THE BOOK? It’s the loudest?,  leave my heart on the floor.

You are absent, your soul knows no swell or full core of

my love or your love, the book just ignores.

Woman’s body is feared, she makes life on her own

once mans seed is deeply sown.

Yet her body creates the greatest of gifts,

a child, not great thoughts that cause great rift.

holy-bookkissingholy-books

sex-is-source-energy

In it’s purest form…note that qualification.

 

 

 

The Garden Lies Fallow


The night was lovely,

As soon as he walked in the door we wanted to inhale each other…raw attraction for months now.  Sometimes you wait to see if it goes away.   It’s not going away.

But we didn’t go there because we’re “developing” our bond so that we’re both emotionally happy with ourselves and feeling centered…

So, I contained the tide of passion for the next forty five minutes.

We sat on the couch, looked each other in the eye, so hot, talked about our kids, so warm and loving, opened Christmas gifts to each other on January 18 and drank peppermint tea.

We were each charmed with our mutual bestowals.

This was loving and literate foreplay between two artists.  Not to lead to sex exactly, but very possibly and very mutually.

This was heart foreplay, not to be taken lightly.  I kept talking and he stopped me mid-sentence and started the delicious kissing before he had to leave.

Why is he starting the kissing before he has to leave?  Why?

Then he half picked me up and threw me on the couch!!!!

I felt like a startled cat and giggled like a fresh teenager.

Mind you, we’ve already been intimate, but I’m an artist.  I’m a lover, an authentic, intelligent woman, warm, sensitive, deep.  No regular man is going to do for me.  This has to be an…

eccentric…

super intelligent…

foxy face…

a strong body…

sweet, wonderful kisses.

I love his hair and his lips.

So….back to the story.

Wow…we had these little whisper chats with each other…

Ahhhhh, it was all good, as he lay next to me but…

He has a sort of broken heart, the kind of disconsolate, forlorn vibe that starts to sink like a rock and close the heart shutter that started to burst open.

I am… so aware of what that is.

It warns a man…don’t…go there…she will eat you alive….

I swear, I wonder if that’s what he thinks.

It could be other emotions but we women, or maybe just me, sometimes think that men are heartless.

This one isn’t.  He’s a writer too.

He has to mend his broken heart and I totally, absolutely, understand

that demolished rupture, the broken mirror, the belief in self that

just says…I don’t love myself enough to love you.

I feel like a failure.  I’m not good enough for you.

It’s the trouble with the world.

How epidemic is the guilt, the sorrow, the cynicism, the pain______

 

And the woman’s garden lies fallow.

You can march and resist all you want about this man who is supposed to be our leader who grabs and insults women.  Most men are like him…not connected to their heart and addicted to something.  It’s the men’s fate.  Most women act from their hearts.  It’s in our bodies.

I think each woman just needs to be loved by a man (or woman) with an open heart who we can love in return and I really doubt it exists.

Religion teaches men to hate women unless they marry them and then control them. Then they feel even more free to hate them.

It’s never going to work.  Men are based in ego and women are based in love.

(Sigh)

stock-footage-alone-man-standing-on-the-seashore