My book "Healer"- Transcending Intuition into Knowing
First, start the song, then scroll down and start the video. As a woman, this is how love tends to be for us. Especially after too much sex where the man is not or will not be emotionally involved with us. What’s the point then? It’s a deep pool where we feel alone being who we are.
This video is really beautiful and unique. I just happened to see it on my FB feed while I was listening to Lady Gaga’s song. Just keep the mute on the video while you listen to the song.
The picture above is from UC Berkley Botanical garden which I visited on my trip out to Northern California last month. This picture speaks to my intuition and the way I feel much of the time.
The desert plant in the picture is very radial, goes in many directions and has all kinds of insights and ideas. But the yellow flower next to it is the idea that blooms. It’s the one that a passionate person sticks with until it flowers.
Take a look at the link above. It outlines 10 Things that passionate people do differently. That is how I am and how a few of us are. We’re not going to change even though sometimes we drive others crazy. We were born passionate and we will die passionate.
Cheers.
I feel like apologizing for always blogging on the feminine intuition, feminist issues and the need for women to empower themselves in the midst of the patriarchal paradigm by using their intuition. But I’m not going to because…I’m a woman! I don’t have a man’s perspective on what it means to be a man right now in the patriarchal system. What I do know is there is still a tremendous amount of unequal power for both men and women, Guys have rough patches too but I’m not sure they know how to express it as well as women. We have the communication advantage in our brains.
Nevertheless, I had a very significant dream last night that is leading me to blog on this difficult topic. It does segue into the Twin Flame phenomenon too because the Twin Flame journey is all about spiritual ascension or spiritual maturing for both parties. It doesn’t have to be heterosexual but in my case it is.
I remember the details of what I was dreaming most of the night and it was run of the mill, nothing exciting; just my mind letting go of habits is what I surmised. Then, a very big, black crow that seemed very real, not ethereal like the rest of the dream, showed up right next to me in my house and quickly flew away with the help of another woman shewing him away. He was pretty big and very alive. I felt no death whatsoever around this bird. He was powerful. This crow was grounded and had his own ways but I was very surprised as soon as I saw him in the house and said, “How did this crow get in here?!” The other woman knew a bird like that should not be in the house and helped me get rid of it.
Now as I’m writing, the crow felt shamanistic or deeply masculine, the cave, and the dark which in my tradition, we usually ascribe to the feminine because of the dark of the womb, the seed, the egg, gestation, the womb, and birth. Male energy is usually the light of the Mind. Everything is shifting right now on the planet and I believe this dream was a harbinger of the sacred masculine balanced with the sacred feminine coming forward. Indeed, that is what the Twin Flame journey is about. Males and females are both light and dark, yin and yang, male and female. We’ve always said that in my field but it’s never actually manifested in our institutions on this planet! That’s been the problem.
This is similar to the actual, real-life appearance of a raccoon in the open skylight on the roof of the cottage in which I was staying in California three weeks ago. He was trying to come in and I had to quickly close the skylight. Both of these animals are totems or archetypes for Blue Monkey in the Mayan System or a Trickster, creator, and mover. It is play, illusion, and magic. But Crow is also a Blue Eagle archetype which is creativity, mind, and vision. They are both Blue so they are closely related in energy. Blue kin is all about transformation. I am definitely doing that right now!
When looking at yin-yang energy, it’s easy to characterize it in a good vs. bad dichotomy. Females are valued and rewarded for being good, warm, loving, small and nurturing and are punished for being bad girls, big, strong, powerful, hypersexual and are slut-shamed. Males are valued for being aggressive (within reason depending on the context), protective, mean (also depending on the context), bad, rebellious, and rampaging anything that’s big! They are punished for being too small, fearful, wimpy, emotional, indecisive and more. These aspects are still entrenched in our system.
As we all know now, in 2018, this is B.S.! Women and men absolutely do share all of these traits and swap them around when they feel like it. God bless America! In our country, we truly do believe human beings have the right to express their true feelings and sexuality even if we don’t rock it in public yet. Everyone still has their secrets.
None of those traits are ascribed in stone to either sex anymore and those that do are so un-hip. Right? On the surface, most women and men still try to rock those boxes but we’re really not supposed to anymore and the younger generation will get in your face about it. My nineteen-year-old hates it when I classify the genders in those boxes. Yet, look at all the leading sports programs, politics, and all the television shows. Men are still very dominant and portrayed in those boxes. It’s a function of patriarchy. Women are seeping in only slowly (female sportscasters) and when they do, they have to act somewhat masculine or just are that way to be socially acceptable! The women can’t act very feminine yet. It’s taboo.
Where is the sacred masculine in all of this? The earth. The ways of nature are male and female. Whenever the natural forces of procreation are challenged, the powerful earth energy steps in. Strong drumming evokes the balance of the male/female energies in sex and alignment, equally! The earth loves her daughters and her sons equally and wants them to walk together in balance on her. It’s only humans all over the world that still prefer sons. Men who love and take care of their bodies, who honor their strong feelings and inclinations, who are creative souls and express themselves in their art, who still want to fuck with abandon and feel no shame just like the animals and the insects.
Men are men and women are women. But we are more similar than different by nature and we both can embody bad and good traits without judgment if we just loosen up those boundaries and deeply feel our bodies and drop the definitions of who we are by Church, state, and media. And we both need to love ourselves as we are.
You have to see this. Trust me, you will dig it! Just click.
You won’t believe this woman. She is very talented and super beautiful.
Cassandra Fox Belly Dancing. Unbelievable
Warm behavior doesn’t mean anything! Being warm, smiling, happy, and beautiful is normal for almost all women, but don’t expect it or ask us to smile or you’ll get our wrath; especially lately. It’s no different than men casually hitting on a woman in a predatory manner, staring at her breasts, or offering to have an affair with her because he’s bored with his current woman. Those sexual behaviors all mean nothing to a man too. He’s just being normal. But they do to us!, just like our warmth snd smile means something to you. We are warm and smile at everyone!
We are beautiful, loving creatures that like to wiggle our stuff, put on makeup sometimes, and be feminine. We do it for us because it’s natural, not for you. She is saying nothing at all about how she feels about you. I said this to a guy in Chicago that I was seeing in my twenties and he refused to believe me. That is patriarchy manipulating men’s brains and egos and thus, some women are able to manipulate men to believe that we set up our bodies and looks for you. Women that pretend that are the lowest and the worst. They have no self-esteem and no inner strength. They aren’t to be trusted.
Here is something to ponder then. When a man doesn’t predominantly hit on you but instead is a gentleman, respectful, warm, spends time with you and wants to talk to you, that must mean something more. I’m guessing. This male behavior is akin to a woman showing you her real feelings, thoughts, and inner self; not just all the girly warm stuff. She trusts that you’re interested in her as a person, not just boobs and pussy. Or, she doesn’t mind you seeing her without make-up or naked. Now its getting intimate. Do you see how it flipped? The man tuned into the feminine inner nature and the woman her outer sexual physical truth which is male.
Men have a hard time interpreting how a woman feels, especially if he is or has been attracted to her in any way. At worst, he’s given up and ignores the issue. The fact that he can’t control or accurately interpret her behavior, in general, is obviously emasculating. After all, the greatest male urge is to have access to a woman’s body, especially if she is novel to him. At the very least, if he continues to be attracted to her in some way, he’s got to do something about that attraction which means he wants to take action.
If he keeps coming toward you, keeps coming over, keeps talking to you, keeps flirting with you, he’s into you and there’s nothing a man can say to hide that fact, although they do deny it because they haven’t figured out how to control you yet. Some women are very in control of their own lives and don’t let on how much they are attracted to you either.
Women cannot be controlled…none of us…ever and that will be the everlasting consternation of men. We control the mating signals. Because we’re the ones that have the most to gain or lose in the reproduction game. It’s fair that we control that because of nature.
Post-reproduction that changes. In middle age, some men panic because their testosterone has decreased and they have performance anxiety. If he drinks or smokes weed too much, his testosterone is even lower. Middle-aged women know that by the way and are mindful. However, our libido goes up as we get older because we can’t get pregnant. We have no fear! So, guys, you may want to take care of yourselves to take advantage of all the great sex after 50 that a woman is wanting! Middle-aged women who take care of themselves have it all over the younger women in some ways because we have sexual skill, experience and can’t get pregnant.
More than a couple men have told me they long for a woman to want them. Women don’t long for that. It’s obvious men want us and sometimes aren’t terribly picky. Most women long to be left alone by the men pursuing her that she is not interested in and will not be interested in. That’s the fact right there. If she does decide who she wants attention from, she will be coy, not assertive in attracting him. If he doesn’t respond, trust me, she’ll move on. There are other fish in the sea and we need physical attention. Women want and need sex just as much as men do, but for different reasons.
No matter what a woman writes or says that indicates warmth and affection for you, in no way does it mean she wants to circle her wagons around you, marry you, be territorial about you, or control you. It doesn’t mean she wants you. It just means she likes you and is observing you. It means you have a foot in the door to her attention. And trust me; if you ignore that fact, as though she amounts to diddly-squat, you will never hear from her again. You won’t exist. And if you didn’t bother to really get to know her and cast her aside, your ego rules the day, not your heart. That makes a man a loser to us. If you diss her because her breasts weren’t the right size or she has a belly, you are a fool. That’s how men end up with the wrong woman. They aren’t patient enough to give the connection a chance because of superficial summation of her looks.
Women take a while to warm up and make up their minds about a man. We are complicated creatures and most of us have a very small pool of men that are acceptable to us, that gets our motor running, that we want to share feelings with and feel secure within a dangerous world. So it is a vital mistake to interpret our behavior toward you too soon. Be smart and be patient.
A connection is an affinity, an ease of communication, an understanding of another person, a desire to get to know someone better, the real possibility of a lasting friendship, and for women, respect. For men, it’s a huge turn-off to contemplate respecting a woman although most won’t admit it.
A connection does not denote love, being in love, physical attraction, desire for sex, desire to get married, desire to live with you, dreaming of a future, desire for a boyfriend, an attempt to control the other person, or dependency. Just because a guy feels a connection to a woman he really…should not freak out in fear that she’s going to control him with her feminine ways and make him give her babies. Or, post-reproduction, make him grow up and face and express his feelings. Most of us are too busy to try to control you. We ask that you organize yourselves. That’s usually asking too much though.
Interdependent connection between a woman and a man means you each have your own lives, take responsibility for knowing and expressing how you feel, making your own physical appointments, have boundaries that you agree on for privacy, but depend on each other for whatever you’re comfortable with which is usually quite a bit; affection, sex, sharing food duties, household chores, and child and pet care. Personally, though, I think couples need to have their own money and manage it themselves but sometimes merging it makes a bigger pile obviously. However, spending priorities can cause a divorce so, in that case, keep it separate.
I happened to be sitting next to a guy at a bar several months ago and he got a text from a woman he’d been dating. He told me she was really hot (like I need to know that. He wanted me to know that). She had just texted that she was willing to help him decorate his new place. He complained to me that that was intrusive and overcontrolling of her. I just shook my head. Men. You overinterpret us just being nice, way too much. We just like to do girly stuff.
You also make an awful lot of dumb assumptions about our sexual prowess and skill based on our body shape and size. That’s like assuming an orange that’s bigger than the other ones won’t taste as good pulling it off the tree when it truth, it will likely be sweeter and juicier! Your loss dude. Think through stuff more. A smart woman in life is a smart woman in bed, no matter her size. And if she’s smart, she’ll be detached in her feelings and won’t necessarily want you to stay. We independent types like the whole bed to ourselves. You’re programmed to prefer thin women and that’s just dumb.
Another guy I sat next to one time pointed out a large-sized waitress and said, “She looks good to me. It makes me hungry looking at her.” I’m thinking, “Does he see her as a roast chicken and potatoes or a human being?” I mean really! It would have been funny if it wasn’t so stupid! Again, I shook my head.
Women have given up on all of that. A simple connection means you guys stay calm enough, nixing the drama and fear, that we can have your short attention span for maybe ten minutes? Most women won’t settle for that anymore and many women are just going to women; lesbianism. The only women left who want you will be women that want babies and that will be all they want from you if that’s the only skill you’ve developed. But if you flirt, don’t lie about it and act like you haven’t. All guys flirt even just to see how far he can get, even if he doesn’t mean it. But if you flirt, and we flirt back, you better deliver dude.
Most women are independent, not dependent. Women “act” dependent for your ego. That’s it. Most women have an education and know they need to have their own money because let’s face it; most of the time you use your money to try to control us and then die or walk out and we would have no money. No woman wants to be controlled and penniless. There’s no room for love to grow there and no security for us. All women want love before anything else but many women have compromised for so long, not having the connection and affection they need that they’re out of touch with their body. Just sex is just the worst for us. It’s Mcdrive-thru Sex. Horrid. It also tells us you aren’t very bright. Only dogs just fuck and eat fast food for God’s sake.
I’ve known more than one man who I had friendship and affinity with and flirting, run the other way because I returned it. I’m mystified. We’re not supposed to like you back or you split? Are we just supposed to stand there, bask in it, and look pretty, never say anything smart and let you control every aspect of the relationship to your comfort level because you’re so insecure? That’s the only way you’ll come back or stick around? Oh well then, see ya!
I wonder sometimes if women and men mean, “I’m not looking to be possessed or to possess anyone.” when they say, “I don’t want a relationship.” Words are important. When it comes to attraction, the words one uses matter.
This is why marriage always ends. In truth, no one can possess anyone. We belong to ourselves. It’s plain and simple. What keeps two people near each other is affinity, attraction, same waveform, and comfort with each other. What splits two people is change. People change, grow and move. That’s nature. So, “forever marriage” isn’t realistic and more and more people realize that. It’s only good for the time that you’re reproducing. It’s forced togetherness for a time and it’s not a bad idea! After all, the parents are the creators of the subconscious mind of a child. That is real togetherness. But hopefully, the child will outgrow being controlled by his subconscious mind, into his conscious mind and everyone can move on and be free. That’s the ideal folks. Norman Rockwell was misguided.
Love, on the other hand, is everywhere, always. Mostly, it’s in us and we can’t lose it. So as you move and grow through life, you should always be able to find someone on your frequency, someone with which you have an affinity. Suffering is not called for in this life. You’re not going to get a prize for suffering and no one is requiring it of you. That’s one of the big lies of religion. It’s kind of silly because who needs religion to experience suffering?? It’s a given on this planet, everyone goes through it, no one can escape it, and no one gets a prize for being born; except a body. That’s your prize.
I find security in myself, by being what I need every day and keeping myself organized and productive. It’s futile to find security in human beings. I’m sorry to burst everyone’s social bubble. I never saw anything so foolish in my life as pining for that. Human beings change like the weather and it’s natural! If you follow their meanderings, you’ll get lost too. It just happened to me. I sometimes forget what it’s like dealing closely with people who are not in control of their lives. It doesn’t take long for me to remember at times like this and be grateful that I’ve created what I have; a solid foundation underlying an active situation on the ground that keeps shifting.
Here is a perfect example of the bonding I was talking about that tugs at everyone’s romantic heart strings. But in the end?? I don’t know. It is an absolutely beautiful song though…my favorite I think.
It depends on how you define bonding which I address below. In spiritual circles, we say, “Love at all times”. So the heart is always open, to everyone and we are protected by Spirit and use our intuition as a guide so there is no fear. We still have to be discerning about how we express love. For indeed, there is no fear in Love. So, that’s the idea. Many highly spiritual people succeed in this so I know it’s possible.
Like all good ideas, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; boots on the ground kind of thing. When I put this to the test in my relationships with men and women I’d like to have a more specific plan since I’m a lover and a giver. My cup is always full and I need to empty it. That’s why I’m a giver. The last thing I need is more offloading, vampires, users, fakers and very unstable in my space looking for love that they need to find within and can find within. That’s when my cup empties quickly. That’s where discernment comes in.
How can we keep a strong boundary as empaths and lovers?
Intuition comes into play here more than reason. Studies have shown that humans highly communicate through body language. Everybody has different feelings but it’s not others job to figure you out. It’s your job to figure you out and know how you feel. It’s called maturity and mindfulness. You are the one IN your relationship, other’s are not or should not be, so they are of no use coming to a decision, ultimately. Our friends can be a sounding board for our own feelings though. That’s what friends are for; not to tell you what to do in a relationship.
How do we define bonding?
The list can go on but it’s always, “I need”, “I want” like a child. As an adult, you are able to regulate feelings of need and want via your brain. If your brain isn’t regulating it, put boots on the ground again and get exercising, moving, eating healthy and drinking water. It’s that simple. Just do it and stop pondering it.
I think bonded is a misnomer. I’d say you’re latched on, like a baby breastfeeding on its mother or a small child getting the affirmation and attention that they need from their father. All of this is the subconscious mind repeating unresolved patterns with the birth parents. That’s the main problem in our society. We need to release subconscious programming and become adults in our conscious program that we design for ourselves.
Can women keep their feelings during sex and not bond? How?
Realize that your feelings are for yourself. The man is barely absorbing them or feeling them anyway because all he feels is your body. While it’s true that the body is your feelings and thoughts, being mentally aware of your feelings is a higher level of cognition that women have. Most men don’t have it. They haven’t evolved the skill of knowing how they feel past being hungry or horny. It’s unbelievable to women but it reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter when she referred to Ron as having the emotional range of a teaspoon. And it’s unfair for women to expect most men to be any different. That’s like asking women not to have breasts. Of course, we have breasts. It’s natural.
I would say “Yes”, we can love one another without traditional bonding but it’s not realistic to expect others to be able to. 98% of humans bond to one another and thus we have all the problems that we do on earth. People follow each other instead of their inner knowing. I personally think we need to grow past that but I certainly don’t expect it. True unity happens when we are all naturally sitting in our center. The fact is, we’re already bonded with all of life in the physical as one big family of Life. Just relax into that instead of adding another layer of latching on.
The male animal has been domesticated and it’s not all pretty. I think of that right-wing show I can’t stand, “Last Man Standing” with Tim Allan as the star. I am at a unique vantage point right now on this issue as a single, 55-year-old, financially independent woman.
The societal Disney pictures are that I’m supposed to have kids in college or graduated and grandchildren on the way in a loveless and sexless marriage going to church every Sunday in order to be respected and to be “an honest woman”. That is not the case here and I’m happy about it. I live my life in truth.
The societal Disney picture proscribed onto a 55-year-old man is pretty much the same but it’s far more likely that he is living a double life and is having sex on the side to add some novelty to his life. One life on one coast, one life on the other coast. Women don’t really have to do that and it isn’t fair is it? But we don’t need sexual novelty as a rule either. We just need love and security. We find real love through our children and grandchildren. I hear there is nothing better. Our mates have never been a terribly adequate source of love, let’s face it. Over time, we get tired of each other’s issues and the stats bear me out.
Women happily and independently move on and grow, usually living alone. The men are still dependent, stuck in this situation with nothing, having evolved with a brain that seeks more than one mate for reproduction. They are on the prowl again. There is an option for men; polyamory. This is a good article on it and explains reasons and motivations that have been studied.
I suppose some women like polyamory but I don’t think it comes naturally to us. Personally, if I can’t find the right partner that suits me emotionally and spiritually I remain celibate. I’ve done that for years at a time but never more than two. That sits very comfortably with me because I love deeply and never deny my feelings to suit men that are detached emotionally from sex. So really, polyamory and celibacy are related in that, if you can’t find the right partner you do what you have to do; whatever you need. But we have to admit that love is a magnet for men and for women. When someone finally loves and understands you, you’ll go to the end of the world to be with them.
If women have emotional issues, we know how to deal with them, grow, and decide what we want; a new mate or remain single. Then we do whatever we want. If you take care of yourself, there are a million men who will chase you. You just have to pick one. But for friends or family who choose polyamory, this is a good article on the possible motivations so you can understand it better rather than judge it.
This particular quote really rang true to me.
“Polyamory can effectively skirt the need to face an addiction and the painful feelings it covers. However, polyamory can also be utilized as a healthy means of coping with psychological difficulties, pre-existing trauma, differences in sexual desire, and the garden variety erotic boredom so common in long-term monogamous marriages.”
I see so many clients with painful feelings that have not come to the surface and then it resides in their bodies. That directly affects their ability to bond and love a mate and have great sex. This is just one of the reasons for polyamory. And of course, the basis of that is the parents and time in utero, and the early childhood that formed the subconscious mind; especially the mother. I have compassion for men that were born to very wounded, unstable mothers. They don’t have much feminine principle strength within them to pull from. Girls of wounded mothers do; themselves. It’s a blessing to be born female, no matter what the Chinese think. The inner mother is our greatest guide and support on this planet.
For men, I can only hope that they find a female friend that loves and nurtures them just as they are so they can learn to love their body, take care of themselves and be empowered men. Women have no excuse. We are the strong ones on the planet hands down. It is our responsibility to lead, take care of ourselves and to teach healing by being a good example.
I am very intuitive with my body and I believe most women are as well. Now that I’m dating again, I’m seeing that I set the tone for how things are going to proceed physically. That’s because it’s incredibly taboo for a man to force the situation. You really need our permission and to know we’re relaxed in order for you to be successful. We know that. It’s actually a little bit of pressure on the woman because as they say; “Women give sex to get a relationship and men give a relationship in order to get sex”. We have to assess you and figure out how much relationship you can stomach before we give in to sex. Man is that tricky because every guy has a different threshold of relationship skill and patience. We’re thinking that way while you’re thinking, “How can I get her to have sex with me now?” We know you’re thinking that. I don’t judge it. I feel it’s the way men’s brains are programmed, just like women are programmed to bond and we need to accept it about you. Neither of us is better than the other one.
That’s a little bit of a generalization but most women care about bonding, feelings, and a relationship in equal ratio with men caring about sex. The women who don’t remind me of Samantha Jones on “Sex and The City”. She’s pretty much masculinized in a feminine outfit on that show. That’s what happens when women adopt values that are patriarchal in nature and highly attributable to men. They want no bonding and nothing to do with a relationship. If a guy even asks to see her again or wants to stay over she gets upset. Yes, men want some relationship and she doesn’t even want that! I’m wondering if women are actually moving more toward that now?
As a woman, I feel like it’s important for men to know that hardly any woman on the planet just wants to fuck. We want to make love! Sadly, many women have given up and lead desperate lives in a fallow garden of never having sex the way they need it if they are with a man. It’s because the women won’t take it upon themselves to teach you what to do for them by doing it to you. If you don’t pay attention and learn something from her cues, how she’s touching, what her body is doing, and a bunch of other stuff, you won’t keep her. She will either put on layers and stop taking care of herself because she needs your money, cheat on you, or divorce you. Women need to let you know what they want, how they want to be made love to by how she touches you! I’m sorry, but men don’t know squat. It’s not in your nature! Club hands.
So, that’s what I’m doing with my man right now. It’s very cute and will likely be a long road, but he seems like a good student. And on the other end, I’m paying attention to his sexual energy as well which tells me everything about a guy and letting him set that tone. It’s a cooperative effort. Women and men are very different and need to listen to each other and be true to what they want while learning from the other person.
Here’s to everyone making more Love baby! Love your own body, love your partner’s body and let them know by how you touch them and speak to them.
