“I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

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The Work of The Spiritual Warrior


It becomes the work of the spiritual warrior to love themselves and life so strong and so true that the b.s. around them doesn’t stick nor does it distract. You certainly cannot change the very negative person or family system; you can only stay in your own space. A healthy relationship really isn’t possible. Its foundation is self-loathing and then they treat others poorly, especially those close to them mostly because they think you have to tolerate it since it’s your role as a family member to be offloaded onto. That is not your role and no, you don’t have to do anything. There is grieving to go through then.

The spiritual warrior does not profess perfection or ego but works and works and applies themselves to their own body, to bring light and life through the flesh that is already IN the flesh. Physical alignment brings Spirit-Body-Mind alignment since they are one. That is the true work of the spiritual warrior. Maybe you know God is real and the others don’t believe it? God is not a religion; it’s the Universe, nature, and physics. That changes people’s minds and hearts as well.

Is the resentful person also jealous of your wounds, losses, being innocently sued, deaths, threats to life, and threats of harm with no backup? Are they jealous of your struggle and weakness? Are they also jealous of your pain? Why not? Is it too hard to acknowledge what the strong person has been through to BE strong? The resentful person is usually emotionally and spiritually lazy, selfish and whines a lot. There is no fixing that other than what they decide from within themselves.

Are you owed so much more than you received from your parents? Really? You have a  body, time and opportunity. What are you whining about? Everyone has a story and it’s usually pretty bad because this is earth. Let it go. You are a free adult now. Get busy! But don’t expect others to approve of you taking the high road, especially if you’re beautiful and you succeed. Based in ego, you’re making them look bad when you love yourself and others and they don’t, and when you have control of your property, possessions, and body as a woman and they don’t.

Most parents don’t super-duper love their children. It’s mostly a natural, organic love simply because the children come from them; as an extension of themselves. They use them for their own benefit first as a tax deduction then god knows for what other ego trips. They’ll put a good face on it though, especially if they have money and letters behind their name.

There aren’t enough gifts, fake compliments or money to make up for a family member who says they love you, then treat you like a dog slave saying you’re their servant, verbally harassing you because they’re jealous, lying about what you’ve done to them and threatening to make something up to sick the cops on you and defending the right of people who hate you, in the family, to attack you.

No amount of love, goodwill, and good works can fix people who hate themselves and others. This is what good people need to accept if they are to stop the co-dependency, walk away, and cut the spiritual cord forever.

Self-Interest


being alone

It’s fairly natural and normal for people to put their own self-interests first. After all, if you don’t advocate for yourself, people will put words in your mouth, act as an authority over you and attempt to control you. None of that is good. That said, I tend to be the opposite and put others interests before my own if they are next to me. That’s why I like to be alone most of the time so I can feel myself and not just them. Tat begs the question, ” Why can’t I feelmysel anthe atthe sae time?” I can if I know and trust them.

Being an empath, I’m like a sponge or a cell phone tower picking up the vibes of others and I’m very sensitive to them. I am getting better at shutting it off. But in our offloading, chaotic culture, it’s like a trash heap of vibes and others aren’t even aware they’re doing it so I have my personal defense up.

However, in personal relationships, putting your self-interests ahead of others is selfish and it may be hard for them to get to know you. That may be the way you want it. It’s the way most of us had to function growing up with parents that had expectations of us or were abusive and controlling. I find human beings to be more difficult to deal with than animals or nature to be sure. We’ve learned to survive by being fake or not saying anything at all. I’ve had the problem in partnerships and friendships of caring more about and tuning into the other person more than they do to me. It may be true that I don’t readily express my feelings to others until I feel I can really trust them, which usually doesn’t happen. I’ve learned not to trust most humans. I think millions of people would agree with me. So in my case, I’m more in protective, observation mode than I am interested in myself more than them. In fact, when I’m with someone, I tend to be more interested in them. I am definitely a giver type person and only want to receive from a select few.

What I’m describing here is a sharing element where both parties feel free and safe to express their mood, what’s going on, what they’re working on, how they feel and what they need, knowing that the other one will listen. I will express that if the other person asks but generally I won’t otherwise.

“I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

Compromise With a Partner You Value


 

man and woman talkingThere is much talk lately about never sacrificing yourself in an intimate relationship with a lover or a partner. I agree that it never works to lie or to give up so much of your time and what you want and need to do with your body and energy that you become very unhappy.

I’m single, dating, totally getting healthy and feeling my goddess core after having been to hell and back with men and babies dying; four all together. I have a wonderful son who is twenty. He’s a fabulous man and trying to figure it out as we all did at twenty. As I look for a new partner at the age of fifty-six the landscape and reason for mating is completely different and has completely changed. The younger men don’t even hesitate now to let me know of their interest and I actually really like younger men…as lovers and friends. They are far more open-minded and less biased. But as a mate? I’m truly leaning toward someone my age so that we can support and understand one another.

It seems to me that mating is now more about friendship, cooperation, and helping one another for the second half of our lives. The libido is there and there has to be an attraction but in no way is sex the same because I can’t get pregnant. It’s a big deal and huge incentive to stay mobile, hip, and sexy. As you age you really do need more help, more muscle, and a helpmate for different reasons instead of raising children.

However, there is a big difference now between giving something up of my single life habits in middle age and the sacrifice for my family in my youth. You realize this might be your last hurrah with mating love; real love; not love based on societal marriage and children which is based on family norms and proscribed roles. Love in middle age is completely free. No one has to approve of you because you’re going to have children together.  You’re not going to merge immediate families necessarily. You can if you want, I suppose just out of habit, but there is no obligation to. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks; at all. There are no expectations on any front because you don’t share DNA with children.

When you value someone’s presence in your life, you let go of a habit or activity and compromise because you want to not because you have to. So there is no more sacrifice. It can be unconditional love. The fact of the matter is, when you have a spouse and children, you HAVE to do certain things. There is no choice whether you like it or not. Honestly, becoming a parent does require sacrifice which is very worth it, is extremely hard but it ends and many people are left alone in their house. Some people hate it. I love it! I really enjoyed having a family but I love my own life too and have been pondering whether I’d want to give up pieces of it for a new mate.

I’d be willing to adjust if I really loved and valued my partner and knew that we were reciprocating. There is no way I’d fall into my old role of jumping when he needed me, jumping when my son needed me, cooking when they’re hungry. Nope. Once in a while, I might but not if I don’t feel like it. There would also be much more space in our togetherness because you really do treasure your alone time after you’ve had a family. The quiet is really priceless.

Reciprocation in Love


Lack of reciprocation in love is like a one-sided conversation where you’re on the phone and one person does all the talking while the other person listens.

How is that love?

It’s selfish and indulgent on the part of the person doing all the talking.

There is no REAL conversation.

If there is no reciprocation, there is no love.

In my experience, people who know how to listen are secure and love themselves and people who won’t stop talking and need to offload are insecure and don’t love themselves.

If you don’t love yourself, you’re not listening to yourself or anyone else so maybe start there before you try to bond with someone else.

The people who keep listening to you obviously care about you but after a while, they’ll give up.

boy-and-girl-engage-in-yoga-on-the-nature-a-man-and-a-woman-meditating-in-the-mountains-people-relax-at-sunset_hkmosmfrx_thumbnail-full01

Stillness is Very Powerful


rumi in silenceIn a world that never stops spinning, talking, reaching, and criticizing, time has shown that human beings and other parts of nature that know how to be still and quiet accomplish much. Oprah Winfrey, Madonna, Arianna Huffington, Katy Perry, Mark Benioff, and Paul McCartney all meditate daily. Einstein basically practiced something called image streaming. The idea is that there are a bunch of images that are constantly streaming through our brains, no matter with what work we are pre-occupied. This image streaming can become a meditative practice if you either control the formation of these images or just follow them with single-minded focus. This means that a lot of his discoveries were actually just creative thought processes perceived intuitively.

The Yogi Masters Were Right

Action is overrated by those not tuned in emotionally and spiritually. If you don’t know any different you don’t know what you’re missing. If you can’t feel movement within or tune into the ethers, you don’t know anything is happening! Consequently, you feel the need to make something happen outside of yourself. I’ve tried to compromise with friends on this to try to understand them and it’s clear to me we’re at different levels of spiritual awareness. I stopped trying. The truth is, the shifting happens inside first. You can’t fake what you really think and feel. It comes through your silent body. Get help lining your energy up in your energy body first so that you’re sitting in your integrity when you speak and act.  Reiki is great for that. Those that aren’t observant or see with dim eyes may be faked out for a while but history has also shown that in time, people see the truth.

I was reading on my daily TwinFlame11:11.com site this morning and it was exactly synchronous with what I woke up and started blogging on today. Today the line-up on every level is good for tuning into the radio station of your inner guidance. She says, “True emotion is a messenger. It stems from an accurate, intuitive, response to energy. False emotion is a reaction to outer energy, things going on in the world and with other people, what we read on social media and TV.” The advice is to keep an eye on yourself.

  1. Am I responding to something I feel in the quiet, from within myself? Can I even hear it?
  2. Am I reacting to everything and everyone outside of myself in all the noise and spinning?

It is still very true that actions speak louder than words but so does inaction. A crucial decision is how much do we value feeling our own energy and spiritual guides or guidance than other people. I love being by myself and never, ever feel alone or lonely. How on earth, on this busy planet, can anyone ever feel completely alone. We are swimming in a myriad of earth movement that never ceases. Having to respond to the weather physically is included in that. Sometimes I wish I could just go sit on a star way far off this earth to really be alone until I realize that maybe that would cause me to feel closer to a swirling inhabited, busier Universe than earth!

There is activity everywhere and there really is no escaping it no matter where you live. You finally see that when you live by yourself whether it’s in the city or the woods. Living with others is only a distraction from the fact that there is no escape from the activity. It’s ironic.

I Had a Breakneck Dream About My Little Sister


me and my sisters

That’s me on the left. My little sister is on the far right. Don’t ya love our Keds? Of course, she’s not little anymore she’s just my younger sister. But I always felt very protective of her and we did everything together as little kids so I still think of her as little. She was a sweetpea as a child and I loved her. I still love her.

I’ve blogged on this before, but part of being intuitive and respecting your intuition means paying attention to your dreams, remembering them, deciphering them, and realizing that sometimes, they’re real and prescient. Not all dreams feel real. Some are just cleansing of the unconscious mind to free it up for new movement when you wake up.

This dream was real and was a whammy. I dreamt that I was in an ethereal house with my sister and my Dad and he was being his typical good ole’ boy midwestern religious self, pretty much the same energy that every woman still runs into with men these days. Honestly, he was no different. He was inappropriate and a user; in other words, abusive which is normal for how men treat women. Women like to be in denial about the nature of males all the time and I refuse to be. Many are far past compliant in order to stay alive! Most are our predators, lock, stock, and barrel. They are not givers, they are takers and want sex, food, and respect, not necessarily in that order. My father was no different. I know not all men are that way and my mates have been good men. I just see far more of the negative kind and it pays to be vigilant.

In the dream, my sister was suffering from this emotional energy in our home as all women suffer in our society from the lack of love and attempted victimization from men when they just want something from us and are not interested in reciprocation on a mature level; meaning spiritually and emotionally.

I wrapped my arms so strongly and lovingly around my sister in the dream and took her away from him, that I have never felt that type of enveloping energy come from within me since. To this day, I feel that way about all humans who are preyed on by monstrous energy. It’s mother dragon energy like Dany in Game of Thrones.

dany-drogon

I took her to my home and took care of her. It was a deep, beautiful, nurturing energy that I’d forgotten over the last 10 years because we haven’t really had a relationship. She married a man that, like my father, was a predator but in this case, he was violent as well. My father wasn’t violent. Her husband threatened to kill everyone in my family and she submitted to his power threats as so many women do. When I told my mother years ago that I strongly felt she needed to flee to a safe house and file for divorce my Mom’s response was, “She can’t do that. He’ll kill those children.” More dysfunction.

So I had my sister with me. Then the dream changed and she was walking outside of an apartment building with her things and putting them on the curb. I looked at the street signs and I didn’t know where she was so I couldn’t pick her up and take her to a new place. But the most disturbing part of this was that when I saw her with her friends, she had completely changed. I didn’t know who she was anymore.

That is accurate today. Acquiescing to the abuse of my Dad and then her husband changed her personality and her soul and I didn’t know who she was anymore. It was a wrenching dream and one for which I had genuine tears. Add to that that I am not allowed a relationship with my three nieces and nephews because of it.

I was going to call my Mom and talk to her but synchronistically realized when I woke up that my Mom and her mate were out there visiting them. Now, what was this about? I knew my Mom would call me and she did, that same day, and I knew something was wrong. I answered her call and before she could tell me anything I told her my dream and she said, “Well, that’s spot on because here is what’s happening.”

The short of it is, I had picked up on my younger sister pulling on me spiritually and emotionally for real because she was going through the wringer. I even called her yesterday to let her know I was there for her. I haven’t heard from her and don’t imagine I will. As in my dream, she cut me off long ago to merge with the dark side of male predation as so many women do instead of claiming their own power to run their lives and stand in the light of personal power. It’s not easy even in 2019.

In 3D, her daughter, my niece, is spilling the beans to my Aunt about some trauma and it’s shaking loose the family dysfunction. I doubt I’ll be much of a part of any of this drama because I let go of all my family drama 25 years ago and have been on a spiritual journey of independent empowerment every since. That’s what happens when you leave behind your family dysfunction, I’m happy to say.

However, I love my sister and the rest of my family and it will never cease to affect me that they continue to let others hurt them instead of loving themselves and then turn around and hurt their own children and the rest of the people around them. Then the karma starts to build up for them. It defines toxic relationships. Sometimes, you have to bless and release so that you can continue to be of service with your own gifts while you have time on the planet. That’s what I’ve done. But I still have these dreams happen over which I have no control. I just live with knowing things pretty much all the time. The truth is good in a world full of lies.

Male Sexual Fantasy…that’s how you bond?


 

you've got to be kidding meMore information is hitting me today via my intuition about certain men I know and their behavior. I’ve been trying to figure out how men’s minds work for years now and never gave it much thought when I was younger and had no brothers so now I’m playing catch up. I know you’re more simple than us and I don’t need the lecture that I’m over-thinking.

There are two local men I know (in my town) that I’m sure are in love with me to whom I have zero interest or attraction. I know that sounds harsh, but I’m pretty sure guys are the same way. Some women get your motor running, other’s don’t, even if you “try” to give them a chance. These two men are like a dog with a bone simply based on the fact that several years ago I was nice or warm to both of them. (Please refer to my blog post “Warmth from a woman doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you.”). Also, the attraction over social media or the phone is absolutely bizarre to me. You can’t know any truth that way. Again, it’s just for male fantasy gratification and does nothing for the woman. But that doesn’t matter, does it? Just know that if you don’t actually meet a woman, she will drop you like a hot potato fairly quickly.

So, as I was eating my salad and soda crackers just now it hit me. Men’s minds are based on the fantasy of a woman he’s met or has talked to, not fact. Men’s minds form emotional, sexual fantasies based on projection and his own weaving of fantasy that he wants to believe. He also will project his own image via social media and when you meet him, he won’t necessarily look that way. That’s happened to me too. It’s not that we’re biased about the way you look, it’s that you lied and misled us. That’s going to get you in a heap of trouble guys.

I and every woman I know, are very rational about relationships and men. We look for certain hygiene, clothing, behavior, and financial facts, communication that absolutely tell us whether to let our motor run for you or not. We can control all of that. Yes, we do control all of that, like we’re shopping. I’m not saying that smell, pheromones, looks and such aren’t involved because they are at a very primal level. So yes, women say, “God he has a perfect booty.” and get all lusty, or “He’s super sweet and smart” but not the way men do. Every woman is different but it is never based on GQ crap…ever. However, if his tone of voice with us or the way he acts is vile, that fine booty counts for nothing, nada, zip, zero. We fall in love with the person and the potential for bonding, not your body. That’s how our brains work.

Why is that? Because our arousal is based on your vibe, whether you know us or not, whether you want to know us or not, our feelings, our relationship. You’re falling asleep already reading this and because of that, more women are going to be celibate. We can do that too.

graceful-girl-smilingDo you know how easy this face is to fake for women? More women have just given in to a man’s lust who cannot stop staring at and fantasizing about our breasts or pussy and cannot focus or hold a conversation. We’re like, “For god’s sake, listen to me.” No, you can’t listen to us if you’re staring at our lips or crotch and we know it.  and motivation, Millions of women make quite a bit of money taking advantage of men’s lack of sophistication when it comes to human relationship mostly through prostitution. You’ve set yourselves up! Improve your intelligence and this won’t happen.

So, you guys are completely irrational about any prospects of truly arousing us or knowing us or bonding because relationships aren’t even on your radar. Or to be fair, maybe you don’t “have” the radar. I am trying to be fair. I don’t think relationship and understanding female behavior is in your wiring and I’m done being mad about it. It’s simple. We need love, affection, and kindness in addition to sex.

This is tragic for women who then fake orgasm or does whatever we have to do for ourselves to enjoy our bodies because our culture has men completely brainwashed to believe that your penis is everything and all we need. That is SO wrong it isn’t even funny. I’ve been with men of all different “sizes”, body size and all the other pieces and it has not mattered one iota whether I was turned on or not. There are specific things that do matter but that’s for another blog. Every woman is different! And what is worse is there are millions of women out there who have given up and just let the man’s fantasies and his penis focus control her love life believing that you will NEVER be astute enough to get our sexuality and how we love.

I have not given up hope yet, but applying some rational fact and getting a handle on those sexual fantasy feelings will be a big step forward.

I welcome any questions. If you think I’m off on something, feel free to call me out but do so in a civil manner, please. I don’t have all the answers and I know I’m not always right.

 

Mindset


 

gardenIs setting your mind like setting a table or a stylist setting a woman’s hair?

Is setting your mind like writing out a flight plan or a travel plan?

Or is it more like a course syllabus where the content is listed along with the supplies you’ll need?

I’m happy to hear anyone’s idea. I’m seriously asking the question.

My idea of a mindset has to do with daily ritual or habit. I empty my mind daily so it can be set by the Universe which I channel. It’s part of being a spiritual person and a lightworker. I do take note of what I dreamt the night before when I awake and the vibe I’m picking up that day but that is not etched in stone and morphs with my response. The Spirit world or the ethers set my mind at my request.

Every single day, my heart is filled with great love for every breath I take, gratitude for my home and the very good skills that create my income, for friends that call and talk to me, know me, see me, and support me if I call them. My heart sets my mind.

Every single day the Universe lets me know exactly how my body is doing past how I feel because there is a lineup of energy there as well. My motivation to move my blood and muscle, to work out, drink water, and eat whole foods comes straight from Source which oversteps my own appetites that are subconscious and sometimes not the best. Our family sometimes program our minds attitude about our body and it’s not good. My body mindset comes from Spirit. My body awareness sets my mind.

Speaking of that, I daily have to forgive comments that are criticizing, insulting, controlling, self-indulgent and self-pitying from family members. If not, it will clutter up my very good, healthy, loving, self-care mindset that I’ve created to move forward. I also have a mindset of boundaries so that I can get my work done in light, not darkness. Family boundaries set my mind.

I focus on changing my body every day and know what I want to see so I look in the mirror and visualize that happening, like working on a piece of art. I see what I like and what I don’t like. I absolutely view my body as art. I also remember what mistakes I made in the past, over many years that put my body in less than the desirable condition it’s in and I realize what I can do differently and own it. In my case, it was giving my body and emotional energy to men and not myself in order to get something from them like a child, time, attention, affection and love which is not natural for men to give. Most women are taught to manipulate the situation or we get nothing we need. It took me many years to accept that that is the situation in our world. I visualize gender equity. Visualization sets my mind.

The rest of my mindset is to write and work on patients, to visualize money being deposited in the bank and bills being paid and honestly, it always happens. I don’t work for humans I work for the Universe and at the Universe’s request and my agreement, I’m being of service to the planet while I’m here. Therefore, my mind is only set to care about the opinion of the Universe not of society at all. My work sets my mind.

Every day, my mind is set to forgive my own mistakes, the mistakes of other humans, to never, ever, ever, give over my sacred space of love to others under any condition, to claim my power for good in the world and make the best use of my time I can while I’m here. Forgiveness sets my mind.

My mind is set on my own agenda and I ignore others ideas of an agenda for me understanding that they don’t know my mind and heart at all. I’m in charge of my life and my body, my money, and my home because they are tools for service; a service I love to share and offer to my community if they want to receive what I have to give. I set my mind and therefore I’m in charge of my mindset.