Can We Love One Another Without Traditional Bonding?

It depends on how you define bonding which I address below. In spiritual circles, we say, “Love at all times”. So the heart is always open, to everyone and we are protected by Spirit and use our intuition as a guide so there is no fear. We still have to be discerning about how we express love. For indeed, there is no fear in Love. So, that’s the idea. Many highly spiritual people succeed in this so I know it’s possible.

Like all good ideas, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; boots on the ground kind of thing. When I put this to the test in my relationships with men and women I’d like to have a more specific plan since I’m a lover and a giver. My cup is always full and I need to empty it. That’s why I’m a giver. The last thing I need is more offloading, vampires, users, fakers and very unstable in my space looking for love that they need to find within and can find within. That’s when my cup empties quickly. That’s where discernment comes in.

How can we keep a strong boundary as empaths and lovers?

  1. If you truly love the other person, you accept where they are on the Self-Love spectrum. Don’t rush in where angels fear to tread. Instead, observe their behavior. Are they intuitive with you as you are with them? Are they emotionally sensitive to you when you need a shoulder or a hug or just to talk? They can give to you if they give to their own Self. Also, how much do they talk about their family? Are they still enslaved by a toxic family and defined by their toxic projection onto them? This issue is epidemic. Reiki aligns it.
  2. Do you love your own body enough so that when you have sex, you don’t suck energy from the other person but just “share” who you are? If you truly love your body you will just enjoy each other’s bodies, you won’t feel the need to possess the other. The other person can feel it if you do that.
  3. Is your conversation and dynamic peaceful with the other person? Or are there feelings of tension, or one person does all the talking all the time while the other one listens. Do they ask you how YOU are or is it always about them?

Intuition comes into play here more than reason. Studies have shown that humans highly communicate through body language. Everybody has different feelings but it’s not others job to figure you out. It’s your job to figure you out and know how you feel. It’s called maturity and mindfulness. You are the one IN your relationship, other’s are not or should not be, so they are of no use coming to a decision, ultimately. Our friends can be a sounding board for our own feelings though. That’s what friends are for; not to tell you what to do in a relationship.

How do we define bonding?

  1. “I miss you when you’re not here.” You’re bonded
  2. ” I need you next to me in bed”. You’re bonded
  3. “I need to talk to you to feel secure.” You’re bonded
  4. “I want to be with you more or most of the time.” You’re bonded

The list can go on but it’s always, “I need”, “I want” like a child. As an adult, you are able to regulate feelings of need and want via your brain. If your brain isn’t regulating it, put boots on the ground again and get exercising, moving, eating healthy and drinking water. It’s that simple. Just do it and stop pondering it.

I think bonded is a misnomer. I’d say you’re latched on, like a baby breastfeeding on its mother or a small child getting the affirmation and attention that they need from their father. All of this is the subconscious mind repeating unresolved patterns with the birth parents. That’s the main problem in our society. We need to release subconscious programming and become adults in our conscious program that we design for ourselves.

Can women keep their feelings during sex and not bond? How?

Realize that your feelings are for yourself. The man is barely absorbing them or feeling them anyway because all he feels is your body. While it’s true that the body is your feelings and thoughts, being mentally aware of your feelings is a higher level of cognition that women have. Most men don’t have it. They haven’t evolved the skill of knowing how they feel past being hungry or horny. It’s unbelievable to women but it reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter when she referred to Ron as having the emotional range of a teaspoon. And it’s unfair for women to expect most men to be any different. That’s like asking women not to have breasts. Of course, we have breasts. It’s natural.

I would say “Yes”, we can love one another without traditional bonding but it’s not realistic to expect others to be able to. 98% of humans bond to one another and thus we have all the problems that we do on earth. People follow each other instead of their inner knowing. I personally think we need to grow past that but I certainly don’t expect it. True unity happens when we are all naturally sitting in our center. The fact is, we’re already bonded with all of life in the physical as one big family of Life. Just relax into that instead of adding another layer of latching on.

 

 

 

Morphic Resonance; The Presence of The Past

It took me months to finish this book because Sheldrake’s ideas are so epic. It is a very worthwhile read if you want to understand evolution, nature, biology, life, change, and memory.

When I was almost done, I stared at the title and realized he only mentioned the past, not the present or the future. Time is not the subject of the book but how morphic resonance and formative causation rely on the past to create a new future through habits of behavior and memory. Yet from my own studies of the Tzolkin and True Time, I believe we time travel backward and forward in the radial time matrix to create synchronicity. Sheldrake, on the other hand, talks about probability structures as morphic fields. He’s got a point but that casts life as a guessing game, possible serendipity, luck, chance, or an accident. Tzolkin Cosmology teaches that by understanding the real nature of True Time we can observe synchronicity all around us and even predict what’s coming next. There are no accidents. Everything happens for a reason. I can’t predict what’s coming next by rational means by I have a friend who thinks he can. I “see” what’s coming next through my prescience and intuition. It’s quicker and usually more accurate. All of this is a spiral; not linear. Sheldrake does seem to be on a linear timeline.

Morphic resonance is an ambitious theory that brings into question the dogma of natural laws and instead presents a convincing hypothesis that nature is habitual but its probability structures are flexible. He’s close…very close.

I’d like to see his hypothesis merge with quantum field theory, time science, Tzolkin Cosmology and quantum physics so we can finally get the time right instead of being stuck in a third-dimensional explicate time warp. We all have dreams.

Presence-of-the-Past

All Who Wander Are Not Lost

Have you heard that phrase before? This study finds that women and men navigate differently. Check out the results of this study.

The writer of the results doesn’t state that woman’s intuition, which is half of all reasoning ability, is in play here but I can tell you it is. I’m a woman. I know how I navigate and it sure as heck isn’t to get there quicker! I want to wander to see what I stumble onto. It’s fun! I like to see new things in the world. A new route is great fun.

I live just about every day of my life predominantly in this mode yet the rational side of my brain is engaged enough for me to enjoy computer programming and my work in healthcare. I succeed and pay the bills so my way works.

I navigate my writing, especially prose, in wander mode as well and I’m sure not lost, yet I have no plan. That’s vital to be inspired and truly creative. No recipes used! We, women know our muses, our physical instincts, our senses, the vibes coming from the earth and weather.

We live in that soup 24/7 and the women who want to be more like men, what’s the matter with you? I’m guessing her mother didn’t model loving her body and sex as a woman. In no way are we supposed to follow what men want. That’s why patriarchy has gotten away with so much.

I love being a woman and navigating the dark crevices of my existence. That is in fact, how meaning in life is found; by wandering using your intuition.

The Anima and The Animus

I’ve always been fascinated by the inner male inside the female (animus) and the inner female inside the male (anima). The terms were coined by the psychologist C.G. Jung.  It seems to me that humans intuitively know we each have those energies as part of our identity to some degree without over-analyzing it. Women and men are both female and male! It’s one of the reasons that the homosexual lifestyle really doesn’t bother most Americans. A Pew Research poll taken in 2017 showed that 62% of Americans support same-sex marriage. We all know that we’re learning about our bodies and our feelings whether we’re attracted to female or male at one time or another.  It’s no big deal as long as you’re honest with yourself in the midst of it and are careful of children’s attachment to parents.

I’m a trained actor with a degree in it, so I know how to have almost instant access to a wide range of emotions, and tears are super easy for me. I spent two years learning how to do that. But I much prefer laughter and happiness as part of my natural personality. Yet when I cry, it feels like a cry for the animus, the male in me that stomps all over my receptive female. My receptive female, all receptive females are beautiful. She is the bearer and producer of life after all. But is she loved and cared for safely the way she should be? Or must she always stroke the male ego to be loved, even if his behavior doesn’t call for it? If love from her partner is conditional based on size and behavior, he cannot say he loves her.  All humans go through hard patches where our self-esteem is bottomed out.  If someone really loves you, and has seen and knows that you have it in you to eventually come out of it, they’ll stay by your side, not bolt.

My experience and intuition tell me that it’s not terribly safe to be an open, loving, female in our society. Most women I know have developed serious defenses now and will even aggressively act out because there is no real equity and heaping amounts of bias based on gender! It’s very similar to unarmed black men being gunned down by police. It’s appalling and tragic!! Women are at about the same level and I’m guessing the stats regarding violence toward women would show this to be true.

Over fifty-four years I’ve maximized my intellect with education, developed firm boundaries in the public workplace (which doesn’t seem to make any difference), insisted on being treated with respect (sometimes it works), focused on my behavior more than my looks (rarely works), and become very focused and skilled in my work. Guys don’t like it. Once I hit my thirties, I learned how to be assertive and opinionated as well. The other thing that goes on is that as a pretty white woman, I feel no obligation to maximize my looks to feed patriarchal bullshit and make myself superficial to manipulate the system. I feel more powerful sitting in my authenticity. Women that aren’t as pretty compete with me or make sure I keep a distance from the man they’re pursuing (so weird) when I’m not even looking. We are so programmed to believe that survival in this planet depends on finding “our level” as prescribed by the institutions and the media that we don’t even know we’re doing it!

It’s not working. I’m still seen as a girl and treated like a girl. No matter how “male” a woman learns to act in public or how many letters she has behind her name with a high I.Q., she’s still paid less than a man and treated like her first order of business is to give something of herself to a man or his system for his consumption. I would never get a sex change operation just so I’d have more money for security but it seems like that extreme could be called for. It’s not unlike MJ bleaching his skin to appear more white. That’s how bad our society is for anyone who is not a white male.

Thank goodness I really love my work and do it very well because of all of my dedication and accomplishment. I work with the Universe who always has my back on this rough planet. If it weren’t for my intuition and rational mind guiding me, I’d probably be dead. I very much want to be alive so it’s a good thing.

I Just Realized…

…that I’ve either presented myself to be objectified by a man or turned around and objectified a man in revenge for societal objectification my entire adult life. A man can chase me and demand sex from me and that is as it should be right?… but I can’t turn around and do the same to him just because I’m female. It’s too direct. Feel that fear and sting guys, when a strong woman objectifies you and asserts herself because she’s got the hots for you? It’s dehumanizing and overpowering and that’s what we’re supposed to accept from you…all the fucking time. Two can play the control game and women do! It repels most men and statistics prove it because nature makes females receptive…or does it? See, we don’t know anymore.

No doubt, this may be the case for most of us because it’s the way we’ve been socialized. Because I live alone now, I can finally feel myself and see myself.  It’s amazing!

My father objectified all of us as a dyed in the wool misogynist; my mother and my three sisters. There was no love there. My mother in turn, as a true misandrist,  in resentment, taught us to use and objectify men. “Women are just better people,” she said. I know a few feminists that would agree with her. Men are good for money, sex, and giving us babies if we play the game; that’s it. Neither one of them has ever changed their story and there is no belief in love possible between the genders.

I know that many people have seen their parents or grandparents love each other or other couples love each other but I don’t think most people have. The divorce rate and disintegration of the family is a testimony to that despite the posturing on FB and Disney movies. Human life is cheap and each gender first suspects that the reason for talking to the opposite sex is to ultimately use them for sex or money, not friendship.

Also, though, my whole adult life, I’ve held as a value, as an ideal, a human awakening, a deep feeling where somehow, someone, somewhere, in the universe, or on this planet will show me how to behold a man as just another human being and not a predator. I know men think women are predators too but they barely talk about it. They’ve said it to me about other women!

I have no problem wanting humaneness. I don’t see it, but I hold it as an ideal.  Women and men are human beings first. I desperately want to believe and see that in my world. There’s no sexual tension there though is there? What a conundrum, our damn brains.

Where is the top ridge, higher up the mountain where we can put the programming of gender, whether based in biology or not, down in the valley where one day it will just flood and wash it away?  I want, with all of my heart, to just have a friend that I love.  Frankly, I don’t care if I ever have sex again if we can just stop running from one another in fear and distrust because of hurt from the past. If we can just stop using sex and seeing sex as a control game, a power game, a thieving of energy rather than sharing. Why must we suck energy off of one another instead of sharing our true selves? Why do we have to compete? Why can’t we both have great ideas perceived in different ways? Why can’t we just be kind to one another?

I’m at zero.  I really am.

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“Molecules of Emotion”-Chapter 10; Intervention, Obstacle Course and Trials

Dr. Pert is still working on analyzing Peptide T in the lab to find a cure for AIDS…page 206-7.

I remember feeling excited to finally begin the experiments, but also apprehensive as if I were about to dive into a swimming pool drained of water. Everything about this project, it seemed, had depended on some hard-to-fathom combination of intuition and/or mystical intervention and/or sheer good luck, all of which were somewhat suspect to my scientific mind at the time. The direction had been dictated by a voice in my head while I stood at a podium in Maui, and the choice of sequences we’d made, while based on a firm rationale, had involved a heavy dose of intuition, a fact that other researchers would either marvel at for decades to come if we were successful, or ridicule mercilessly if we were not. Now the moment of truth was upon us. Would our magic peptides do the deed and prove us right?

This is a factual account of a scientific process done by a Ph.D. at the National Institute of Health.  We cannot, with any integrity, brush it away with the wave of a hand.

“…I arrived early and eagerly pulled the tapes from the counter, scanning the numbers. It took only minutes to realize that we had something here. The counts showed that our peptides had knocked the binding of gp120 down to half, competing with the HIV for the receptors, just as we had theorized they would.”

Dr. Pert is about to make another remarkable breakthrough with regard to VIP; vasoactive intestinal peptide.

Much later, I was to speculate about what emotional tone VIP was associated with. Could a particular emotion generate or suppress quantities of VIP in the body, affecting how much of it was available to block or leave open a pathway for the HIV to enter the cell? Clinicians have the impression that increasing self-esteem seems to slow the progress of the disease. This leads me to speculate that VIP might be the hormonal manifestation of self-love, just as endorphins are the underlying mechanisms for bliss and bonding.”

All bodyworkers (massage therapists, reiki practitioners, Chinese doctors, some chiropractors, and Naprapaths) intuitively know this already and have for thousands of years just by putting our hands on the body. We’ve languished in the shadows and been called unscientific and esoteric, been ridiculed and called charletans while the white coats laugh all the way to the bank and the patients either worship or revile them.  It’s now time for the public to wake up and listen to what alternative practitioners are trying to teach their patients about mindfulness, repressed emotions causing illness, and the need to take responsibility for honing your mental focus to be well.  My holistic practice website is here: Deep t.Issue Therapy & Reiki

“Conceived by believers in the mind-body connection, Peptide T was truly a child of the new, more holistic paradigm.  And that was a big problem for a large establishment institution such as NIH.”

Trials to be continued…

Network of Mind IN the Cells

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Steven Holl-Shadow Art

Chapter 9 of “The Molecules of Emotion” gets juicy. Dr. Pert says, on page 185

The three classically separated areas of neuroscience, endocrinology, and immunology with their various organs-the brain; the glands; and the spleen, bone marrow, and lymph nodes are actually joined to each other in a multidirectional network of communication linked by information carriers known as neuropeptides.

“…it might make more sense to emphasize the perspective of psychology rather than of neuroscience, for the term psycho clearly conveys the study of mind, which encompasses but also goes beyond the study of the brain. I like to speculate that what the mind is, is the flow of information as it moves among the cells, organs, and systems of the body…the mind as we experience it is immaterial, yet it has physical substrate, which is both the body and the brain.”

The mind, then, is that which holds the network together, often acting below our consciousness, linking and coordinating the major systems and their organs and cells in an intelligently orchestrated symphony of life.  This view of the organism as an information network departs radically from the old Newtonian, mechanistic view where we saw the body in terms of energy and matter. But there is an intelligence running things.  Intelligence in the form of information running all the systems and creating behavior.”

Creating behavior?  Now there is where I part ways with her.  My son, who is studying psychology believes our behavior is determined by chemicals in the brain. That makes him, and those who agree with him, materialists. Many people believe our behavior is pre-determined or determined, that there is no real choice or free-will.  Frankly, this seems to be the central debate as we are squarely in the high-tech age, moving from Newtonian materialism to Einstein quantum states where something we see only exists because we see it collectively.  It doesn’t exist in and of itself, by itself.

What do your intuition and experience tell you here?  How has your life unfolded?  My life has taught me that I create my reality and my body condition by the habitual feeling, beliefs, and thoughts that I run. So I check myself every day. It’s called mindfulness. While I am part of an agreed upon collective mind field as I look out my office window at the snow-covered roofs, my individual perception, interpretation, feeling, and thought processes are chosen by me.  Am I kidding myself?  Am I just a puppet on a string? Or are we truly at choice.

It makes no sense to believe we’re puppets. Otherwise, our lives would all be the same and unfold in a gentrified fashion and have no meaning or differentiation. There is an observation! Many people’s live ARE gentrified because they are not acting on their power to choose; free will. It is possible to abrogate your rights in the universe and then your mind goes into default mode, programmed by your family, Facebook, and CNN and you are part of the herd mentality. There are a thousand ways to free yourself from that and uplift your mind. Follow your intuition.

While it’s true that in my personal life, death/change has been a constant around me, it’s not something I chose to happen; I’ve witnessed it happening to others first hand. The universe allowed it to occur around me for a reason or maybe I did. However, my individual choices are indeed the reason I find myself in my current situation. It’s all good.

My mind is run by my intuition 24/7 and always has been, for as long as I can remember. Personally, I feel like I live in a kaleidoscope. When others see static sameness, I see and feel minute details of an ever-changing landscape of colors, vibes, temperatures, shapes, dimensions, and souls coming and going. Even sitting still, I feel in my body that life around me on earth is a dance of changes in light and shadow and I interpret them as quickly as I can and respond.

The Mind-Body Connection; Emotion-Carrying Peptides

Molecules of Emotion cover

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged on here in a few days but I’m totally engrossed in this book! Wow did Dr. Candace Pert get put through the grinder in the NIH (National Institute of Health) Science Palace where it was all about competition, politics, gossip, and the good-ole-boy system.  I’ve heard recently how bad the sciences have gotten for women, sort of like the current sexual harassment scandal that is causing men in power to drop like flies, but frankly, what I’m reading about her experience is far worse than anything overtly sexual. (Charlie Rose is the latest one today and I liked his show!) It’s all very disappointing, but not surprising, at least not to me given what I’ve been through in my jobs.  It’s all outlined in my book “Healer”.

The scientists she worked with at the top in the science field were unmitigated assholes.  They lied, were verbally abusive to her, said, “be a good girl” to her, stole her ideas, took the awards and credit for her work, and basically broke her heart. As I was reading the last chapter, I googled her to find out what she was doing now and she died already.  Not surprising from what I’m reading.  She was a brilliant, breakthrough scientist, wife, and mother. But of course, her personal life suffered due to all of that stress in addition to her passion for her work.  Such is the case for any very smart, accomplished woman.

I’m in the section where Candace’s father has died and she’s had it with being treated like dirt because she’s a brilliant woman with quite an intuition.  Again, gee, ya don’t say! Here are few tidbits:

“The body is the unconscious mind. Repressed traumas caused by overwhelming emotion can be stored in a body part, thereafter affecting our ability to feel that part or even move it.”

This was her conclusion after giving a detailed blow by blow of lab experiments that allowed her and her team to reach this conclusion.  It’s pretty technical (pages 138-140).

Using neuropeptides as the cue, our body-mind retrieves or represses emotions and behaviors. …biochemical change wrought at the receptor level is the molecular basis of memory.” (then she goes into specific science jargon)-p.143

On page 146 she starts pulling it out.

“There is no objective reality!” And she details how our brain and memory filters out what it deems unnecessary.  “Through visualization, for example, we can increase the blood flow into a body part and thereby increase the availability of oxygen and nutrients to carry away toxins and nourish the cells.

Repressed emotions are stored in the body-the unconscious mind-via the release of neuropeptide ligands, and those memories are held in their receptors.-p.147

Stay tuned, because she’s about to follow her intuition 100% as she pivots away from Science Dogma.  You mean…she becomes creative? Yes. And it leads to a huge discovery.

It’s amazing what can happen to the mind when you lose the ego and follow the heart which is the seat of the intuition.  Oh, and she found a good guy to fall in love with and work with.  Yes, there are good guys out there.

THE BODY’S NATURAL MORPHINE

Molecules of Emotion cover

Continuing on in “Molecules of Emotion”, The Science Behind Mind-Body (same thing) Medicine; Dr. Pert says, “…endorphins, the body’s own natural morphine…which your body makes too.”

There are a thousand studies on this and physicians all know it’s true. Bodyworkers are at the top of the heap when it comes to stimulating natural opioids in the body. Massage therapists, deep tissue workers, manual therapists, and all other manner of soft tissue workers know that this is the case. Some massage therapists do a good job, others really hurt you as they have very poor technique, use too much oil and then dig in with the thumb tips, elbows, and fingertips. Be sure to interview the practitioner before you set up an appointment. I recommend deep tissue manual therapy, a physical therapist or a sports therapist with 2-4 years of training.

Bodyworkers are supposed to relieve pain, not cause it. That is intuitive. It’s counterintuitive to cause pain which is something to consider as you use the white coats. The fact is, the number of Americans seeing massage therapists has declined because the schools are teaching poor technique and not requiring students to do at least two years. But I digress from the book.

Dr. Pert discovered the opiate receptors in the brain and thought she and her team might be on the way to win the Nobel prize.

The discovery of the opiate receptor touched off a mad scramble among scientific researchers to find the natural substance in the body that used the receptor-the key that would fit the lock. We knew that the brain receptor didn’t exist to serve as a binding mechanism for external plant extracts, such as morphine and opium. No, the only reason that made any sense for an opiate receptor to be in the brain in the first place was if the body itself produced some kind of substance. an organic chemical that fit the tiny keyhole itself-a natural opiate.

The brains own morphine is an endogenous ligand. A ligand is a protein that attaches (binds) to another protein called a receptor; receptor proteins have specific sites into which the ligands fit like keys into locks. Endogenous ligands are those that are produced in the body, not those introduced into the body, such as certain drugs. It creates the same effects that exogenous (outside) opiates such as morphine do. They called this substance enkephalin. MT’s know all about enkephalin’s as well in terms of what our treatments can do.

This part of the book ends with her on a media whirlwind for her discovery with her team and getting much positive attention. Then the competition heats up and the power-brokers come into play.

Science is no different than politics. I’m reading about ego, destructive gossip, gender discrepancy and big money. Human nature is pretty easy to predict.

To be continued…

Romance of the Opiate Receptor

Molecules of Emotion cover

As I move through this book, reading it, I’ll blog about it and share some of what I’m reading. Synchronistically she starts off this section, called “Romance of the Opiate Receptor” with the title “Destiny”.  Destiny is what the Tzolkin theme plexes are all about as I post those on here daily as well.  Please check them out. It will help set your day on the beam.

The first thing she relays is being on her back in the hospital after falling off of a horse and being put on Talwin, a morphine derivative and loving the euphoric state it put her in. I sure didn’t after my ectopic pregnancy surgery in 1996 that saved my life. I was on a morphine pump and all it did was cut the pain a bit, but it was my birthday, after all, the day I had to get out of the hospital bed and walk. Three days later after I’d gotten home the pain was almost gone. Still, I did not have a great opioid trip. Drugs have never affected me in a beneficial way as an HSP (highly sensitive person).  Laughter, hugs, friends, and sex affect my receptors.

As I read, she is happily in a lab in John Hopkins University under the exciting tutelage of Solomon H. Snyder who was on the leading edge of experimentation in neuropharmacology.  The philosophy in the lab had everything to do with instinct;

Do not accept the conventional wisdom, do not accept the idea that something can’t be accomplished because the scientific literature says it can’t. Trust your instincts. Allow yourself a wide latitude in your speculations. Don’t depend on the literature-it could be right or it could be completely wrong. Spread all your hunches out before you, and go with the ones that you think are most probable. Select the one that you can test easily and quickly. Don’t assume it has to be overly complicated to be of value since often the simplest experiment yields the most unequivocal result. Just do the experiment! And if you can keep it to a one-day experiment, so much the better.”

To be continued…