It is the STRANDS of time in our DNA not the hands of time on a clock.
Here is some of my prose from last year. Have a great weekend!
I’m stalking a case for spring in the autumn of my middle age. My assembled energy is diametrically opposite that of needing the validation of an amassed group of imposters pretending to agree so they can drink together later. It’s not that I don’t like the group, or that I don’t occasionally have a very […]
Prose; Adoration Be Damned
It’s so much easier to melt into your warm flesh because I know how you smell and your voice.
It’s just the nurturing comfort I need right now but you won’t kiss me as you did before.
Something is distinctly unfamiliar…
You feel different in my bed, humidity on a dry, cold, windy day when the sun is loitering in the sky rather than actually warming things up.
You’re a woke soul, a man not a boy with your dreams doing cartwheels.
It’s not love, it’s familiarity which so many humans mistakenly wrap their arms around in tribal joy.
No doubt, what is familiar today will change tomorrow and that intrepid fact is forever familiar all around us.
I’m stalking a case for spring in the autumn of my middle age.
My assembled energy is diametrically opposite that of needing the validation of an amassed group of imposters pretending to agree so they can drink together later.
It’s not that I don’t like the group, or that I don’t occasionally have a very dry martini, I just don’t viscerally need the group. They get exhumed energy from each other; even demand it threatening social castigation, as though there would be any real loss there.
I haven’t figured out how to affix myself to a rumbling male in my present condition.
In addition, my mephitic eighteen-year-old son will be moving out of the house soon to go on his way to sow his oats and beans. My peaceful environment is proliferating.
As I think back on the men/mates I’ve adored and who have adored me, as vain as that sounds, it was called love at the time and then it turned into territorial civil war and possessive jealousy.
I’m pretty sure that uncorked behavior is common and some couples like it that way but some don’t. I don’t.
It’s just that, in this new paradigm of sitting in my body and owning myself, that adoration doesn’t feel like it’s all it’s cracked up to be.
It feels as though I’ve forged an alliance with a fawning cat whose nursing by pushing its paws into my chest.
Maybe it’s just the mood I’m in.
When a man starts to adore me he wants to own me, my time, and my body, like a puppy!
That’s been my experience with every man I’ve been with except this last guy I dated. He left me in the dog house neglected, but at least he didn’t bug me. I know there are all the ideas about giving your mate the space they need, but then the real emotions of amorous desire creep in.
“I want you”, “I adore you”, “I need you”, “I love you”, “I miss you” becomes a medieval prison!
I used to think I wanted to be adored by a man with high self-esteem and all the pheromones I need to be turned on, but now I’m not so sure.
I love my life, my work, my friends, and my home. Maybe all of that adoration would be oppressive! I’d have to respond after all or that would be rude.
Intimacy means feelings and bonding with sex. It’s true friendship, not territory, ownership, or marriage necessarily. I have a feeling men would say sex is intimacy because that’s as far as most of them go. Sex IS their feeling like hunger IS their feeling and for them, it is deep and significant. Anything physical is very emotional for men; like being sick or succeeding in a sport or having a lot of money. They love “things” and have emotions about “things”. They freak out like a little kid and women make fun of them too much regarding those things. Women all know this but not all women are loving and patient about it. Women view bonding and relationship as transcendent over the physical. It’s spiritual for us.
I’ve decided that I’m tired of acting so detached with men (mimicking them!) when the truth is, I do have feelings. I’m a girl! I’m sick of feeling like I have to act like a guy or a hook-up prostitute to get any attention or bonding with a man. Or maybe I don’t want the bonding then! The promiscuity with women, the super-rationality and denial of emotion, the negative feelings about their mother and the resistance to real intimacy with a woman is a turn-off to me. Comments like, “I can’t live with a woman.”, “I don’t have relationships with women.” No heterosexual man has ever said things like that to me but that’s what I’m hearing lately from men who profess to be straight. Are they straight or do they really prefer someone like themselves; another man? There is no way they could love a woman?
Straight guys actively pursue a woman they’re attracted to, get to know her in person, want to have sex with her and see where it goes from there! You know a guy wants you when they contact you and want to “be in touch”. If they don’t, they don’t want you.
There is a little conundrum here for me. Women need physical confirmation of attraction, in person, before we invest more time and communication with a certain fellow. That’s what women need. I’ve heard men say they don’t. I don’t believe it but there is something handy about one step removed I suppose. I think it’s odd.
One thing Zoosk has taught me is that meeting a guy on social media and in-person are night and day. I’m done with that now because none of the men are very happy. I have to date a man before it progresses any further and feel a friendship there. End of story. And any man who expects sex on the first date is not interested in loving a woman at least as a friend. He must demonstrate it or he is not capable of it in which case, this woman will never have sex with him.
It’s pretty simple for me. I’m literally not turned on if there is no affinity, no warmth, no sincere affection, no love. Women are super intuitive with regard to the truth about a guy’s real feelings so there is no worry. If he has no feelings, neither do I and for me, that means no sex. The only way a guy can get around that is if he finds a woman willing to deny herself, her core, and her needs which unfortunately is all too easy these days.
My last post, I made the point that I’m not interested in fawning adoration that leads to possessive marriage. Every woman I know is at a different point with this but it has to do with emotional maturity and financial independence. Most women don’t prefer marriage, from what I’ve gathered, unless they’re getting some type of needed security. But most of us aren’t interested in shallow hook-ups either! Some men get this, some don’t. It’s hard to believe. We know respecting a woman may be a turn-off to most men but you have to show respect to most women. We can tell if you’re sincere or not.
Friendship, attraction, love, and care are what I want and need. It’s the honest middle ground. Women are human beings. Does it really depend on what culture you come from as to whether you treat women as human beings? This needs to be a universal understanding. Possession in marriage, to some of us, is an insult. I’m a free person with my own life, work, and money. I’m not on the planet to soothe a man’s ego just as he is not soothing mine! Promiscuity is a hook-up with a stranger and is also an insult as I’m not a sex toy or the least bit turned on by strange men, for god’s sake. I guess I’m making the assumption that true love in marriage is Disneyland in my view. I know many disagree with me and that’s fine. I’ll entertain the notion but I’ve been married three times and there has never been true love.
They are two far ends of the patriarchal spectrum that have been dominating our rules of relationships for hundreds of years. Lack of boundaries on the promiscuity end or lying on the possession end with a double standard applied to women allow men to rule the day. For men, getting continual sex by feigning a relationship via marriage has been the ritual. It also raises their status. For women, getting a fake, romantic relationship by giving sex in marriage has been the way women have manifested their true love; our children. That’s not good for women or children. I prefer mutual love with a man, not my children. Children end up rebelling against their parents anyway as it is nature. Women are adults and our roles and skills exceed motherhood. Children grow up and the parents need to let them go! It’s very dysfunctional not to. It’s a bad deal where no ones needs really get met, thus the divorce rate. That, and barely anyone is telling the truth; women or men.
Lovers; Cat-type women could mate with cat-type men. I already posted on it. We tend to be interdependent and intelligent. Being a cat-type woman, I’ve been called strong and stubborn far too much. I am neither of those. In fact, I’m extremely warm, soft, sensitive, and vulnerable inside. It gives me a very strong heart. Stubborn is a misnomer. I know my own mind, what I need and say it and do it myself. That is still extremely taboo in our culture which still places coddling the male ego above everyone and everything else.
Bitches could mate with dog-type men that need a controlling trainer, someone willing to teach them how to be humane and will feed and groom them. If your man tends to be hungry and looks at you like a roast chicken then this may be the one for you. Many women are into this and many men find it sexy. I don’t but that’s because I’m a cat. Still, I don’t judge the bitches! I remember as a young girl realizing I wasn’t willing to function in this role with men. It’s a funny memory and really speaks to my inner nature. I’m finally honoring it without judging myself.
I’m not sure about the rest of the details but they depend on your couple dynamic. Are you polyamorous lovers or monogamous? Cheating on your monogamous girlfriend who is mad at you and has put you out of the house and into the dog house is not a license to be polyamorous by the way. You need to discuss the issue and either move forward or break up. My Twin Flame tried to pull this one. He was treating me like a possible option without telling me a woman with her toothbrush lives with him! I think deep down he’s a cat but he’s acting like a dog at the moment so no doubt he needs a bitch trainer. That’s fine with me. I’m not doing it. He is extremely intelligent, creative, and independent but I think he judges himself for it because most of the men in his culture are not cats. He very much seeks to fit in socially. He does tend to have himself in a provincial, cultural box that makes me want to scream. There is something else holding him up emotionally. I know what it is but I digress. Time will tell.
Men, be careful approaching women you don’t know. Are they cat-like or dog-like? Don’t make assumptions! The same goes for women. You need to know who you’re dealing with and the rest is negotiable.
Nicole Timmons said what I usually say this time so I have a back-up. I love back-up which is so rare for me. There are few, very few allies for this blogger.
Finding love is not an easy feat for anyone. If you are a woman who is of a higher intellect, chances are you have had an even harder time finding a fulfilling relationship. Society tends to think less of a woman who is single as if there is something inherently wrong with them. This is definitely not the case. Below are 10 reasons why it can be harder for smart women to find love.
Smart women know what they want and aren’t willing to settle for anything less. They know the importance of staying true to themselves and they also realize that sacrificing their needs for the sake of love with the wrong person will only cause resentment in the long run. They do not have to settle out of fear of being alone, or fear of social implications by others’ who do not understand a woman’s ability to be by herself and be happy.
Every woman has a mental “checklist” of what they are looking for in a significant other. A smart woman’s checklist tends to be either longer or more specific than those who want a significant other, just to have a significant other. They know themselves and in turn, know what type of person they can and can’t be with.
The past portrays that women needed to go straight from their father’s house to their husband’s. In the modern world women no longer need another person to help them live on their own; they may have realized they prefer that alone time. Therefore, knowing that they will eventually have to share that space can be scary for an independent woman.
Careers, friendships, family, extra-curricular pursuits, whatever it is that she has going on may not allow for as much time to date as it takes to find the right mate.
They have a harder time “living in the moment” and do not want to waste their time; as time truly is a valuable asset to a smart woman. They need to know that there is a future and that their potential mate is on the same page. Marriages, kids, finances, etc.
Physical attraction is an important aspect of finding love, but smart women understand that attraction is fleeting and can be altered once you see what is underneath. While a woman’s hormones tend to make the first step towards finding love, smart women understand that it is the intimacy developed (and maintained) by both people that dictate whether or not a relationship can last.
When a woman is intelligent she isn’t afraid to stand up and say what she thinks. This is a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow. Whether it’s because they don’t know how to react, or if it’s because they don’t feel they can live up to her expectations; either way, it can be somewhat intimidating for potential lovers and even friends.
They don’t pretend that they, and their partners, will be the same person years down the road. They want to grow and they have ambitions for their futures that will change who they are, and ultimately, what they want. Knowing this makes it harder for a woman to commit to a partner for a long period of time.
Dating is no longer a means of survival for women. As stated before, since we no longer need to be passed from father to husband as well as we have the capability to live alone – dating is truly meant to find a companion whom you love and want to share your life, interests, and future with.
This reason is the culmination of all of the ways it is harder for smart women to find love. Deciding whether someone is worthy of an intelligent woman’s heart is not an easy task and we do not take it lightly. Intelligent women have to weigh the pro’s and con’s and decide if the risk of loving another person is worth the devastation that can occur if it doesn’t work out.
…or you can be sure she is using you for sex, which is what she assumes is the main thing you want and you both go down together. No one’s life is improving there. If it’s what you both want I guess it’s fine but it’s not what I want. I’ve decided I want the whole deal again.
It’s a good idea right off the bat to be honest about what you’re looking for. There are plenty of women who just want sex and not a relationship also! You can also pay for a woman’s services and they will be professionals, fit, limber, lingerie, come-fuck-me-heels, ready to go for a price! They are the ones who are cynical about men and have given up on love and have no faith in men to be intelligent, relational, human beings.
Every woman has given up on men at some point on a heart level but not all of us can do that to our bodies. It’s toxic energy but many men are actually at the level and staying at that level. I’m not in denial about it. I don’t think that will be good sex, but, hey, everyone has their standards. I don’t shame men anymore either. I actually believe it’s men’s natural level to be absolutely shallow about sex and natural for women not to be. The much bigger deal to them is friendship and caring. Sex is easy for men and they’ve been shamed for it, unjustly. Women aren’t shamed for being relational or wanting to have children which all comes naturally to us! We need to stop sex-shaming everyone! So there is absolutely no point of lying and using a good woman who wants friendship, to get to know you as a person, to be with you, and possibly the whole deal.
Spoken by a man. A woman would never say this and some men wouldn’t say it.
I think Oscar Wilde was old school. We’ve all been friend-zoned and it is possible. It’s much easier to be friends with a gay man than a straight man and vice versa for men for obvious reasons.
If a man is attracted to me, maybe he actually hit on me and tried to set up a “hook-up” as opposed to a date. Being a woman, I lean towards a date to keep things at a human level as opposed to the meat market level. A “hook-up” is giving in to the guy’s low standards or no standards of relationship. They might not see it that way but I/we do. Many women today do give in to it and use men for sex only also. Patriarchy has taught women to do that. It’s the man’s way, not the woman’s way and can be considered realistic or cynical depending on your perception.
As a woman, I’m actually looking for the friend-zone with a straight guy I’m attracted to so we can be lovers. Men think women friend-zone them if they’re not interested in sex because that’s what men do to women but that’s not the case when a woman has high standards but isn’t into possession. Men friend zone women that;
A. They are not attracted to.
B. They’re attracted to but she won’t have sex with him quick enough.
I’ve been friend-zoned by my Twin Flame based on several infractions actually, but I don’t want to get into it because he makes me mad. I hurt his feelings. I get it. But I apologized and he has not accepted and maybe will not forgive me. See; cold-hearted.
Will a man accept friend/lover? Or do they have to have P/P.; either a prostitute or possession? Meaning, does a man have to think, “You let me have you too quick like a prostitute, I got my jollies, even though that’s what I wanted, so now I drop you.” or “I adore your body and you and I’m in love with you, let’s be a couple.”
My point is, women, WANT the friend-zone with a straight man they like. Most of us require it or we’re not turned on. We’re relational. Men don’t want the friend-zone because…they’re turned on by meanness and their own power trip, not niceness? Relational makes them limp? I think so but I’m not sure. It’s a jungle out there.
It’s a friendship middle ground where men are still free to roam and women are still free to roam emotionally and physically also because we don’t need the ego validation of being the center of someone’s world or possession. In fact, the last thing I want is someone to need me that much. It’s dependency! We should all take care of ourselves. Otherwise, it seems to me you’re still looking for a mommy or daddy. We all need to get over that. That, and I really need to sleep alone and roll around in my queen bed. I suppose a remedy could be a King bed.
So, speaking as a woman, I will have friendship feelings for you during sex and that’s all. I think that’s the biggest and best connection you can have with a man. You’re friends! Yes, I will love you as my friend. How can love be any better than that? And I would make it clear to a man I was going to be with that in no way are there strings attached physically but we have a friendship agreement. That is all. There will be no use or just sucking sexual energy from the woman and dumping her like a hooker. That’s a hookup. Women who do that to men should not do that either if you want a lover. Friends don’t use each other. So, it really is in the woman’s purview to make sure you really feel like you have some type of friendship with a guy before you have sex with him. I don’t think guys know how to create that. You would never have sex on a first date if you seek lovers and friends.
Obviously, every woman and man is different in how they might define it. I also find it doubtful that a man would call a woman he has sex with his lover but he should. He would say “girlfriend” because I think men tend to be more territorial over a woman’s body than we are with them. But to a woman who is a free spirit that is too heavy on the territory and social obligation. There is no way I want a boyfriend or a husband which is almost the same thing minus the paper. Women that are busy, work, have projects, business and ideas in no way need or want to invest most of their time in a relationship. I’m not going to babysit or be nursemaid to a man. I don’t need to or want to. I want us to be friends as equals; no possession.
A lover is not friends with benefits because sex with warmth, love, and friendship is real sex which is a very big deal to a woman. It’s not just a benefit you’d receive like a job benefit. There is no territorial or legal claim, no possession. You actually dig each other and each other’s bodies and sexual energy. That’s it. No obligations. You usually agree you can have another lover if desired. In order to leave it out of hookup territory let’s say only one other lover. It’s not polyamorous which is hookup defecation sex. If you’re all friends, the body types match and you’re mature, that could turn into a menage-a tois. Why not?
That’s a lover. It’s not a hookup with a stranger, not defecation sex, you’re not just friends although that’s included, you’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, there are no social contracts, and you don’t want or need marriage or a relationship to corral, define, or control you or continue to play out your family of birth psychodrama. It’s empowering for a woman who has her own life. As dramatic, territorial and emotional as men get about sex and the body, they don’t usually like this setup. Again, it’s similar to the way my young son got when I was talking on the phone to someone else. Well, take it or leave it because I won’t be possessed by any man absent real love which is usually quite fickle or non-existent for them. Men and women in a relationship need to become more equal or don’t feign a relationship at all.
This is actually pretty interesting. I woke up obsessed with the Lilith point position in my solar chart. I must have dreamt about it. Our solar charts are limited with regard to our destiny and personality because they only take into account 4D solar positions of where we are each positioned in this Matrix of ours. When I do Intuitive readings for people, I only glance, not study their solar natal chart and their Tzolkinkonic line-up in the Mayan multidimensional alignments as well. Those are the destiny patterns. Now the context of what I see intuitively for the individual is in a universal context.
I’ve been working this way for years and it’s not hard to work up a chart. It does take time though and I offer it as a service. That said, there STILL is NO CONTROL or overstep by those alignments over your free will, your mindset, and heart set. So when I look at a person intuitively, I literally see what they’re creating right now, what could be coming pretty soon and bit further down the line. However, that can change if you change yourself in a big way.
The thing is, most of us don’t change in a big way as we go through life. It’s all usually gradual. That is the healthy way to be because of our brain and body like equilibrium. Every health care practitioner will tell you that. Consequently, people who are drawn to extreme swings of behavior or health regimens are usually judged handily. That’s not fair. Sure, they may die sooner than rest of us but if that’s fun for them and makes life worth living, let them be. However, don’t follow their lead! It’s not for everyone. Personally, I’m better SAFE than SORRY!
Now we get to what I’ve been blogging on. Men and relationships, dating and sex boundaries. In walks Lilith, the dark of the moon who is often envisioned as a dangerous demon of the night, who is sexually wanton, and who steals babies in the darkness. Lilith may be linked in part to a historically earlier class of female demons in ancient Mesopotamian religion, found in cuneiform texts of Sumer, the Akkadian Empire, Assyria, and Babylonia. She was mythologically Adam’s first wife made of clay, just like him, not from his rib as Eve was. Again, this is all fictional, a character likely made up by the Jewish priests who needed a twist on Eve. Her name really means Night.
I think she’s a little Hollywood Blvd. or everyone dressed in black in Greenwich Village in New York. It’s kind of immature but there are many women that are into this. I personally wouldn’t mess with this energy. That said, one interpretation of my chart says I need to face my inner night, my lack of balance that is my Lilith in Libra.
There is another whitewashed version of her that is a little Victorian. But many women take to this one as well. I can’t relate to this one either. I know many women who can and do though. My family takes after this one.
The Lilith placement in the solar chart is about your resistance in this life. What are you ashamed of, what do you struggle with, what do you need to rampage? Having confidence in yourself? Taking care of your body? We all know that we need struggle to grow, like a seed germinating in its pod underground. There has to be some adversity, a freeze, to stimulate its DNA to push up out of the dark soil toward the sun. The human soul is exactly the same way. To that end, google “Calculate my Lilith in my natal chart” to find out. Then there are many sites that interpret it. As you might guess, my Lilith in Libra has everything to do with the balance of power with men and it is a huge issue for me. Apparently, the blindfold on the goddess Justice is idealistic. It doesn’t exactly work that way.
I am a lightworker, but in what ways do I need to see my dark pieces? It’s a valid question because we all have vices amidst our virtues. I prefer the picture below as it indicates the wisdom and animal totem of owl, birds, night time, and the full moon. Those things are all good and evoke the womb, the second chakra, goddess energy and what the men truly crave from women in balance during sex. I believe the balance between women and men begins with each woman truly honoring the power of her body, her light pieces, and her dark pieces. Men (and women) can help us see what those might be but we should never give them control over them.
