Famished


Ciron-the-centaurI am so dull at the specter of rapacious male lust that is overfull and never sated.

Colossus centaur in his superhero fantasy, piggish and greedy for huge breasts and a river of pussy.

It’s just food to him…her body. Just…a meal to gratify his insatiate greed…unless he loves her.

He can turn into a freak devil that does the same thing with hollow power…unless he loves her.

Even if she wanted to she couldn’t fill his black hole of need. A surfeit of money, accolade, ambition, and respect is a snack, but he is not yet a muscle-bound giant so the bloody feast must rage on.

He doesn’t know anything divergent, no other way to prevail, so it’s not something to be rabid about. As a male, every single institution has indoctrinated him to dominate and be a consumer who overfills his barbarian, carnivorous soul. He wasn’t born this way, it’s calculated so he can be of maximum use in the machine with very large teeth.

As a woman, every single institution from her birth has taught her that it’s a handicraft to feed his hungry lost soul, that he cannot feed himself, that he needs to be fed by everything she is, can do or possess because he is barren. Is he really barren of love?

The truth is…he has it all because woman indulged him and gave him her vitality. She didn’t have to! She still does long to give him all of her allegiances and not be loved in return. Why? It’s her undoing. It’s calculated so she can be of maximum use in the machine with very large teeth.

He thinks it’s control from her because he feels dependent and hungry, controlled by his edacious body or the cruel vacuum of his mother’s love. And it’s not just the food he needs, its flavor. He’ll even go to another planet to consume what they have, trying to find a novel flavor. Why does she feel sorry for his empty belly that covers an unrequited heart? He has a heart. We know it.

I’m one of the trifling women that knows you have excitability that lasts beyond a hook-up. The thing about me though…is I don’t particularly care. If you don’t want me, I’ll start to forget about you. Out of sight out of mind!

Men are cursed nomads, wandering the earth without love in them or loving anyone outside of themselves until they really…do…let themselves receive the gift of loving a woman that is not his mother! and need to be with her. It’s totally up to him. All a woman does is exist as she is. She has no control over his choice…at all.

A woman is always complete in herself, fed, not famished, all by herself. But a man is not. His insatiable lust and thirst that calls forth our pity really, will never be quenched until he lets himself be with her completely. A woman needs to have compassion on his need and fall into his arms if he is unrelenting. And yes, she is feeding him, once again.

A man is truly healed and made happy by truly loving a woman, not so much by her loving him because she loves all the time! That is her gift to herself. Because she exists…he found her and he learns to love. That is the greatest gift a man can have and then he’s no longer famished.

Lisa T. 1/4/2019

 

 

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The Womb


dark forest

I’ve known you but a thousand years my love

Your face so rare and calm…

I’ve known you deep inside the walls that push against my scorn.

 

Trenchant waters, tar-like mattes of ribbon sheer and broad,

Stripes form bridges…

Moats to cross…

Transfixed, I hear you call.

 

I know that voice so clear and deep, it beckons me to come,

“Reside with me my love.” “All right.”

The waters surge at dawn.

 

The Night is bright with moonlit sky

I wish it’d go away, to corners webbed and clockwork loose

To trip dimensions throng.

 

Plunge me into silence still embraced by tepid wrong.

Wrong and right eclipse my lungs…

Can’t breathe—

No morals throng.

 

Fear gloats its rabid face…”STOP!” I feign to tell it stunned.

My love lies deep within my heart, unhinged by doom-it runs!

 

Criss-cross sticks form one long bridge

Across the chasm’s face

Tred lightly dear, sing your way through the ache dismissed as day.

 

I’ve known you but a thousand years, this too shall pass away.

Eternity is ours my love.

The womb shall have its way.

 

9/26/09. Kin #66, White 1 Worldbridger (My Tzolkin Analog)

I remember writing this. I was at the end of a marriage and going through the wringer, deeply wanting to find a soulmate or my twin flame. My soul was burning. It was nine years ago and a whole life has happened since. Seems like yesterday.

Curtains


curtains at Moms

I was just visiting my Mom last week for Thanksgiving and was excited to see her new house. She has an extra room where I slept for three days.

I walked in…and the curtains on the windows were exactly the same print as the curtains on the front windows of my Twin Flame’s house in California. As you may recall I visited there two months ago, meeting him for the first time. We just hung out. I even remember photographically etching the pattern in my mind as though something was unconsciously telling me to remember the pattern. I specifically “noted” his curtains.

I was aghast and told my Mom as she helped me bring my things in. She said, “That’s impossible. I just picked those up at a garage sale at the old place where I used to live.”

“Mom, it’s the same pattern. Oh my gosh.” What is the meaning of that?

curtains 2 at Mom's

When you’ve met your Twin Flame, all kinds of crazy synchronicities happen to stimulate the release of your self-identification with the subconscious mind. As I’ve said on here before, the subconscious is our GPS system given to us by our birth family, imprinted irrevocably on our minds by our mother between in utero to about age six.

Ok, so, this is my Mother’s room! She picked out the curtains. I guess the question is, who picked out the curtains on the front windows of his house?

The talking to I got from my spiritual guidance team yesterday was, “The two of you have work to do and need to get cracking! Move your vibe to warmth, faith, and love and release fear, the past, and negativity!” I’m stubborn-seriously- and fairly cynical about this planet so they have a hard time with me. Especially with regard to men, I know I really need to get over it. My readers may agree.

That is what meeting your Twin Flame is about. Your male and female selves become ONE and there is no more subconscious conflict. You both are individuated adults, no longer sitting in emotional choices programmed by your mother. It’s not for everyone but if you have been called to the Twin Flame journey there are major revelations about who you are and who you are not.

When I finally realize that my mother’s projections onto me do not define who I am, it’s “curtains” for my subconscious mind and hopefully that of my twin flame as well. Then we can be together without fear or resistance but love instead. A reminder here; Twin Flame relationships are spiritual and don’t necessarily translate into living in partnership or romance. Many times the mirroring is a bit too intense for the physical dimension. We’ll see.

 

 

 

Blue Night


My heart, in the burning heat of the Sun…stops.

I move on to a peaceful placid place where there is no Sun…Where I can bear my foolish, flickering existence without your blinding light.

I must retreat into my Night.

I am nothing in the face of the Sun and you must continue to burn.

I dare not ask anymore for a cool wind to touch me.

How can I ask for the Sun to cease its mission? And why should I? The Earth needs you.

But I am not all, My life here is not all. I am nothing and more…

My light is as the stars.

They can bear me…and hold me. The stars understand me but the Sun and the Stars share the same Sky.

It is One sky…in Union with The Earth.

You, the Sun.

I, the Stars by Night. One lights the Day, the other The Night.

Let’s be friends and share what we know of existence on this Earth.

For there is no time from whence we came. We are eternal, forever glowing and moving in our way.

Our path is towards eternity.

Our destiny is Life.

May 5, 1988, Red 5 Earth

(I was tuned unconsciously to The Tzolkin. I knew nothing of it in 1988. I lived in California then and had been to Israel in April.  I wrote this after my divorce from Eddie, my 1st husband)

 

Serial Dysfunction; The Need to Fix or Control Events Around You


I’m still seeing this in people’s behavior near me and in society, but not as much. It’s an unwillingness to feel your real feelings in the middle of an event, something tragic or good that is happening, or in a close relationship. I’ve said this before and it bears saying again. It’s not about indulging or staying in an emotion but letting it flow like water down a stream. You need to stop trying to do so much around the event and for other people when it’s happening and sit with them, empathize, have compassion, not pity, and be quiet. It is only in that way that trust is garnered between people. Being bossy or authoritative will always be resented by human beings. Boss yourself around, not others. BYOB could mean “Be your own boss” and there wouldn’t be a need to “Bring your own booze.”

I’ve seen it over and over in my office. Human beings appreciate firm, loving boundaries and to hear your expertise, but don’t tell them what to do or how to feel or they have the right to resist you in any way they can and they will. A parent doing this to adult children or nearly adult children is particularly dysfunctional. You need to live your own life if you’re trying to live your life through your kids.

Sometimes just being there and just listening is all someone needs! Most of the difficulty in life cannot be fixed or controlled and it is incredibly obnoxious to be around someone who wants to do that when you as an individual are capable of feeling and flowing with your deep feelings, negative or positive, whatever it may be! Your body can only be aligned if you go into that alone or with one other person. Repressed emotions kill people! Overly indulged emotions kill people too so there is a balance called for. A professional therapist and Reiki treatments really help. It’s called high blood pressure, stroke, and addictive behaviors, so it’s fairly serious.

The elements of our society that think it’s funny, ridiculous, or immature to actually be authentic in expressing how you feel are psychologically damaged and need to stop projecting their denial onto others, making fun of them or being abusive. It’s a type of bullying. Repressed emotion leading to addiction isn’t funny; it’s tragic and we see it in the increased level of suicide, including the slow kind; society sanctioned alcoholism, sex crimes, drug addiction, religious addiction, materialism, and hate crimes.

I guess I’m a big hippie. Peace and Love baby. Here’s to a happier, healthier world that’s sober and creatively passionate.

peace-sign

 

 

A Star Is Born Movie Review


A Star Is Born Review-Vulture

This movie is doing very well in the review department so far and is still in theatres. But I saw this last night and was left a little flat frankly. I read the review found at the link above and agreed with most of it but I’d like to add that the movie lacked timbre change. The melodrama lacked strong up and down movement which is needed on the big screen. Instead, it was incredibly real, the acting so very real that I felt like I was a voyeur looking in on the very old, moldy issue of drug addiction and showbiz. I’m over it. Are you? I don’t feel that the story of “A Star Is Born” is a story worth re-telling now that we’re leveling past the subconscious drama of family dysfunction repeated in our own adulthood. Re-telling the story just keeps it going. That, and fame and fortune aren’t all they’re cracked up to be on a personal level.

The acting, from all of the cast, is Oscar worthy. Lady Gaga’s music and singing, the songs, Grammy worthy. I agree with all of that. But the movie as a whole did not hold together for me or move me very much. It was all very predictable, maybe because it’s about the fourth remake of this story?

I adore Lady Gaga even more than I did before. She is one talented woman and her acting was great! I feel like the movie goes to her. Kudos to Cooper for his work and the rest of the cast as well but she gets my biased admiration. Girl crush sismance.

ally-jacket-850x1300-800x1224

Bonding cont. “A House Is Not A Home”, Bill Evans, SO beautiful.


Here is a perfect example of the bonding I was talking about that tugs at everyone’s romantic heart strings.  But in the end??  I don’t know.  It is an absolutely beautiful song though…my favorite I think.

 

 

By Burt Bacharach & Hal David
A chair is still a chair
Even when there’s no one sitting there
But a chair is not a house
And a house is not a home
When there’s no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss good night
A room is still a room
Even when there’s nothing there but gloom
But a room is not a house
And a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart
Now and then I call your name
And suddenly your face appears
But it’s just a crazy game
When it ends, it ends in tears
Darling, have a heart
Don’t let one mistake keep us apart
I’m not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there still in love with me
I’m not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there still in love with me
Songwriters: Burt Bacharach / Hal David
A House Is Not A Home lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

The Sacrifice Model Shores up Patriarchy


My last post was about men as subject, women as object and how that can pivot so that men are objectified as well under the paradigm of patriarchy.  That’s not something that most women are aware of. First, let me remind my readers that neither male nor female dominance in a civilization is ideal. We came from 5000 years of matriarchy which preceded patriarchy and now we are shifting again. My hope is that we don’t go back to the mistakes and abuses of matriarchy just because it’s in our collective unconscious ancestral memory. I believe women have evolved ahead of men but men have come a long way as well in 5000 years. The idea here is for humanity and the earth to move into our conscious minds, or reasonable mind engendered by the balance between intuition and rationality. That will then fill our households, the foundation of our societies the world over.

Gender equity or balance of power will lead us to less militarism, more peace, more great sex, and more love. Yes, I’m an idealist but some partners are succeeding. It occurred to me yesterday that when you have the subject-object system going, which is what patriarchy thrives on, both subject and object, both men and women are sacrificed for the profit of the 1% on the planet, even though patriarchy makes it appear as though men are in charge. They aren’t really. They only have what women let them have. Imagine for a moment the suggestion of “Lysistrata” coming to pass?

Lysistrata is a Greek comedy written by Aristophanes about women boycotting sex with men in order to quell the endless wars of that age. What if today, women all over the planet found the wherewithal to stop making porn videos altogether, stopped having sex with their husbands/boyfriends/partners, and halted reproduction until men got the message of respecting our humanity and not just looking to us for sex and food attention but as a friend and a mate? Maybe this is what lesbians wish would happen. There is a whole group of feminists that believe that until women take full charge of their body and stop sharing it with men, women don’t stand a chance of true liberation. I just ponder that in my circumstantial celibacy. I will say that it’s truly empowering to live alone and be in full charge of my body and my physical energy as a female. I’ve become fully aware of how much all of the men I’ve known have taken sex and food from me and how little they’ve truly given back. It’s not an awareness I relish and I’m certainly not saying that I believe all men do that.

Subjects are sacrificed to the 1% who in turn are brainwashed or socially engineered to sacrifice the objects. Men are “subjected” to the dictates of family, state, church, and corporation and sacrificed and rewarded for handing over the control of their heart and mind to that. That’s how Trump got elected in provincial, small-town America which is trapped in it’s subconscious, family-programmed mind!

Part of the purpose of the social engineering is to objectify and eat women for breakfast. Women are to be consumed; sexual consumption and food consumption. Men are not taught to see us as full human beings with a mind and heart but to overlook all of that, no matter how smart or successful we are in order to objectify and subsume us; no matter what. Her provision of children is only a mask for the man that makes him appear more socially acceptable to all of the institutions listed above. Let’s not forget that he is not acting from a whole heart and mind. If he did, he would be a damned artist or poet, drugged in a psych ward and living on the fringes.  We can’t have that frightful prospect, can we? I’m half kidding.

There are millions of men and women who are free spirits and see through the charade of civilization though and we own houses, pay our bills and mow the lawn. It does take guts to join us though and we’re usually not rich.

So you see the subject-object title is interchangeable. The subjects are also brought to be objects for the elite; especially in war (the honored dead, mostly male), in sports, and in corporate life. It’s incumbent on men and women to jump out of the subject-object roles and live a free life.

my-kite-1@2x

“My Kite” by Paige Bradley

 

There’s No One Left. I’m Alone.


It has finally happened after twenty years.

I live alone in my house, no men, no noise, no demands for food or rides, this or that, “Mom can you help me!” “C’mon, let’s go to the store”.

My son’s dad died two years ago…the last time I saw him was Christmas Day. Five days later, he was gone. I barely eeked out a smile as I said goodbye. He had been pretty emotionally abusive to me, frustrated his whole life, not knowing he was high-functioning autistic savant until three months beforehand. My efforts at solace could not change his brain, but he was a music legend on the pile of my torn apart heart. In addition, my son did not see him respect me; the fruits of patriarchy.

Three months later my fiance died. I had fifteen minutes notice. We loved each other and did everything for each other. It was not to be. He had not taken care of his body and it caught up with him.

Now four days ago, my nineteen-year-old son went out the door with his backpack and no notice to start his hero’s adventure quest which is his birthright. Good for him but he could have warned me! It reminded me of the sudden death of my fiance.

On his way out of course, he was mad at me and said I was so selfish. I suppose because I take care of myself. I wonder if he thought of his words effect on me, skipping them like stones across the water? Doubtful at his age.

But the men walk out quickly and don’t return I’ve learned, to the other side of this world…or town. It doesn’t matter. They’re not with me.

It is so peaceful in this house without a raucous male. Part of me has waited twenty years to take my body back from my partners and my son, and before that, a line of men, but not a long line.

Now I get an adventure quest; a fresh start, the second half of my life, a thriving business, a home, free to do whatever I want and a body with no risk of pregnancy. I haven’t given it all away.

It’s like this secret I have as a fifty-four-year-old who no one would suspect and assumes in our youth-worshipping culture, female-sacrificing altars around every corner, that I’m all washed up.

“Hasn’t that woman been laid flat yet? Well, why not?”

“She’s selfish!” they cry.

Truth is, I am my own best friend and for the first time in my life, I’m taking care of my body for me and no one else. More and more women are doing it. I’m not alone. We still have work to do and adventure quests to commence. Ridiculous isn’t it.

I feign an attitude and a bird ready to flip until my dying day…because I said so.

Turning Point


stars

Dr. Pert was speaking of Norman Cousins:

What the body needed was the life-affirming, joyous experience of laughter.  State of mind, thought, and feelings, all of which were completely ignored by the medical model, did, in fact, play a major role in recovery.  He even postulated that the laughter had triggered a release of endorphins, which, by elevating his mood, had somehow brought about a total remission of his disease.“-pg. 167 of “Molecules of Emotion”

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TO US IN THE BODY, NO MATTER WHO HAS TRIED TO OR HAS VICTIMIZED US, IT IS COMPLETELY WITHIN OUR OWN POWER TO CHANGE, TURNAROUND, AND DO WHAT WE WILL WITH OUR OWN MINDS AND BODIES. We all intuitively know this and try to reason it away.

There is no blame because we have individually been given this full power.  There are no accidents; everything happens for a reason.  And NO ONE ESCAPES the REPERCUSSIONS of the HARM they do to others or themselves. The forces of karma are real. It’s not up to us to get revenge.

Ego says, “I’m sick and useless.  Everyone must drop what they’re doing and give me their energy for myself to use and throw into my black hole of toxic energy because I have NONE within myself.  Everyone else took it from me. I am a poor wretch.”  That’s a huge lie. It’s like a dementor and those in affinity will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Those sitting in the light of fullness and self-care will keep you far away if they are wise.

We each have a duty on this planet to transcend, release, forgive, and take action on behalf of ourselves to be well no matter what and FOCUS on what we want to feel for our own bodies and mind.  Stop blaming and take responsibility for your power to think, feel, and create. Stop giving your time and mind to religion, family, politics, and shopping that are negative if you want to be whole.

If you verbally, mentally, and emotionally think of how evil and wrong others are all day and then hate yourself too, you are full of murder, hate, vile disease, and toxic energy that no one who sits in love should be around. You are creating it with your mental focus. Pivot away from that. The Universe has your back.  Sit in the truth of love and wholeness, not in lies.

The universe agreed to allow you to come into the body and CREATE WITH YOUR BODY AND TIME, the experiential learning of your choice.  Now get busy and stop blaming others for the condition of your body and mind, wasting your time, and do something productive that you want to do.

There is no end to forgiveness from the universe or support for you to pivot and change because they don’t have an opinion of you. No one really does and if they do, it has no power because you are the boss of your body and mind, not them. The only opinion that matters to you is your own. The Universe comes from and sits in pure love.  You can use and roll with that or you can resist it.  It’s all your choice.  But wellness and wholeness is the truth, 24/7, available to your mind and heart to use, focus on, and create.  Practice makes perfect.

Do you believe it or not?  It’s the difference between being constructive or destructive with your time.  Are you helping or harming the planet? Do you hate God/Source or do you Love? God hasn’t done anything to you; humans have because they are imperfect, and so are you.  So, let it go and do good to yourself and others no matter what!!!