Don’t Make Any Promises


GIFT from Raul for my birthday 2017

Flesh together…

Music playing in wide, open, complex harmonies,

Refulgent breeze brushing your pungent thighs,

Kisses as warm and true as the sun,

My breath is your breath

Just don’t make any promises because tomorrow comes

And everything changes on the turn of a dime.

Don’t yearn for anybody but yourself because you are all you’re assured of.

Attach to that.

Don’t say “No.” to me because I’m right.

People disappear within minutes as do things of Earth.

It is true folly to hold on tight to anything or anybody.

Just let go, let the wind blow,

And don’t make any promises to me.

3/24/19

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“I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

misconceptions about strong women


load the star

Strong women have been broken and usually ripped to shreds and used by family, death, life, employers, and the opposite sex and don’t sink to the bottom, use others cynically or crack up. They remain open, brave, active warriors on this very difficult planet that says “Love” all the time but doesn’t do it. They do it and it bears fruit. They understand that forgiveness is for their good, not the abuser and they don’t feel one bit of guilt about it.

The misconceptions are:

We are independent, not interdependent

We are not usually independent we are interdependent. Interdependent means we depend on others and they depend on us. We count on the people we live and work with to do self-care also so we can depend on them when we need them. We take care of ourselves so they can depend on us when they need us. This creates trust and function. It’s called adult reciprocity.

It’s harder for a man to live or bond to us

It’s impossible for a weak man to even get our attention. We are attracted to strong, self-contained men and there aren’t very many to choose from. What is weak? Poor health, poor looks, poor hygiene, poor social skills, bad teeth, poor finances, wears a baseball cap all the time, wears a suit all the time, wears sunglasses all the time, hides behind religion, cares about his orgasm more than mine, looking for a hook-up, no relationship skills, doesn’t respect women or to spend friendship time with one, believes women have their place, feels women are too controlling.

It’s exceptionally easy for a good, strong, interdependent man to live or bond with a strong woman because she’s trustworthy. Is he? She’s always there for herself and others so she’ll be there for you. You can’t really take advantage or get one over on her and she has no time to control you because she’s busy controlling her own life. Sounds sexy to me.

We need others less than most people

The truth is we really struggle to find women who aren’t jealous or won’t compete with us, who love and like us and care about our struggles and weaknesses and who haven’t sacrificed themselves lock, stock, and barrel to a spouse or family or latched themselves to a partner that defines them. We have fewer friends than most people because we tend to be dissed by most women and men so the truth is, we need people more. We also tend to invest a large amount of energy in our work.

We’re high maintenance

We are high maintenance for ourselves, not for others. Egotistical women are high maintenance. Strong women expect the most from themselves, not from others. We don’t usually expect anything from others unless they love us, understand us or offer. It’s very rare that anyone does. We’re actually the lowest maintenance person because we take care of ourselves…all the time. We actually have no choice given our values of integrity and how broken we’ve been by being kind to those that hate themselves and are looking to get, get, get, and take, not give.

We’re bitches

Strong women are confident, kind and liberal. They are not cruel and controlling. Strong women are the most loving, kind, empathic, considerate people I know and because we’re not centered in ego, others think we’re foolish or chumps. Wrong. Egotistical women are bitches and sit in their woundedness, getting revenge when they can. That’s weak. There is nothing worse on the planet than a cruel, foolish, ignorant woman. Strong women want to empower others and themselves with their work and believe in the gifts of the spirit.

We’re selfish

If you define selfish with a capital “S” then we are always working to be sitting in our Higher Self. We won’t let negativity, resentment, the past, and followers bring us down or dissuade us from our mission. We tend to be leaders and entrepreneurs. Selfish with a small “s” are usually women still stuck in their adolescence developmentally for whatever reason. It’s important for men to think about their previous relationships and decipher whether she was selfish and not project that onto a strong woman.

Strong women spend a lot of time alone because we need to replenish our energy from the joy of giving to others and taking care of ourselves at the same time. Most of us are never lonely and enjoy being single. That is the case for me. We welcome friends or partners that won’t compete, be jealous, try to put their thumb on us or break our backs to make themselves look bigger but we usually do end up alone while everyone climbs the human dog pile to see if they can get to the top and snag the trophy that means nothing to us.

brave or broken?


broken_heart1Sometimes broken passes for brave when in truth, every day you live with a full cup at the feet of a Universe that loves and watches over every one of us equally and asks us to always have an open heart to serve our fellows. In the end, we are all ONE. It’s ok to be broken. It’s the heart of a warrior. Respect is called for, not pity.

a middle-aged, healthy woman gives up nothing during sex; she gains.


zoosk

This article is so interesting as far as the male psyche goes. I had to read several sections a few times to understand it and I still need to mull it over.

Men Lose Respect for Women With Whom They Have Sex

“Some men and many women have been socialized into thinking that the woman gives up something during sex. This speaks to the male’s vision of conquest. He believes that he has said or done something to make the woman give in to him. He knows his true intentions are less than honorable, and so he projects his own internal sense of unworthiness onto the female by saying it is she, not him, who is worthless, easy, fast, desperate, stupid, etc. for falling prey to his advances. This kind of thinking completely strips the woman from having any natural right to her sexual desires and her choice to act upon such desires.”

The men don’t always say it’s the woman. My date felt guilty about himself because we were extremely lusty with each other. I never feel guilty about my body or sex so he was alone in that. But that last sentence is not something I’ve ever allowed but always wondered why my attitude wasn’t going anywhere. The energy would just fall flat so it seems it’s true. We are not empowered as women ruling over our own body yet, fully.

I’m dating on Zoosk again, having learned a few things the first time around with middle-aged men. I’ve had two bizarre dates in one week. The nice part was both men were very good looking, showed up, and we had good talks. The matching theme was they were both still hung up emotionally on past women and felt the woman broke their heart. They barely had anything good to say about her and blamed her for the end of things. I didn’t stand a chance to even start anything with either one of them. So why did they date me? One was just to talk and the other was horny and wanted sex. This was months or years ago and they hadn’t gotten over it. I’ve always conjectured that men get far more emotionally attached in a steady relationship with a woman but my experience with these men proves it. Guys are squishy!

The second thing is they tend to feel guilty about their sexuality probably because it’s so easy for them to just f*k and not be emotionally involved at all. I think they deplore themselves to a certain extent just because it so natural to them. I’ve even conjectured that men prefer to have sex with bad, cruel women because it’s a turn on for a man with low self-esteem which is many of them. They’re not really attracted to happy, lovely women. The younger men who are looking for a mate and mother for his children will look for a woman like that to marry because she is acceptable to his family but then choose a racier, wild woman on the side. It serves his desire for novelty. It’s not that he doesn’t love his wife, it’s that she’s too busy with the kids to be sexually deviant, to keep him entertained, and may not be a lusty type of woman.

Third, they were both pretty depressed, not happy campers. They both hinted at being lonely and talked about their kids and family far more than I did. I am the opposite of all of that so none of that sits well with me with a guy. Now that I think of it, every man I’ve been married to or dated has told me he’s depressed. It’s an epidemic. Not so with women. Women tend to be happy or know how to make themselves happy. I’m happy generally speaking and doing very well single.

“Women are perceived as being a threat simply because of their desirability. One facet to explore would be that the male ego is built upon a need or a drive to conquer, to expand, to be strong, to be dominant, etc and in the end, it is the female whom the male inevitably feels weak to.”

This quote applies directly to a good friend that I really like and am attracted to who is out of state. He’s as much as said this and I’ve been confused by it for ten months. The last thing I’ve ever tried to do with a man is to control him. I don’t have time or desire to conduct a man’s life yet he keeps saying women are so controlling. What kind of women has he been in a relationship with? Weak ones with no life and no ambition, no dreams? Co-dependent ones? I’m looking at that far away in the rear view mirror.

“Men are quite aware of how much we mean to them and this need for us can easily be misconstrued as being a weakness. So what do men do about their weakness? What do they do about things that they feel are beyond their wilful control? They try to deny their vulnerability while forcing their will. Thus women have many rules, stigmas, religious guidelines and laws to ensure that we are kept in a psychological position of subservience. It is no secret that most men do not like to even think of the woman of their affection being with another man. (possession) Fear causes men to manipulate women into denying their feminine desires which in turn causes us to feel guilty and sinful for certain behaviors.”

Nope. Not happening in my world. My male friend has been trying to keep me on a hook in just this way although he would never admit it. We both love each other as friends, spoken! We are both very hot for each other…spoken! We both want to have sex…spoken! But now he says he won’t go there with me because he “never does relationships”. Yes, he has. He told me he’s had two serious relationships with a woman. He’s friend-zoned me but I may have done it first frankly after he cavalierly said, “We can get a room.” The friend zone may as well be the “Twilight Zone” as far as I’m concerned unless I consider him my gay friend even though he presents very straight. Well, I believe him based on what he’s told me and the fact that he’s never been married. I don’t know what’s going on. The short of it is, we have so much in common and are so attracted to each other that we’re not ready to go there yet. I’m cool.

I’m leaving it to lie and getting what I need from other men. I’m not staying on his hook but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I do. But I won’t be controlled or denied sexually. No way no how. That’s an empowerment issue for me. Women need sex! Middle-aged women need sex! Are you going to supply it or not fella?

I don’t know if men in the U.S. think this way. I hope not. I do believe we’re coming to a more equitable sense of responsibility as consenting adults. The exception would be the religious men; Christians, who continue to want to be married and “take care of” a woman. This all needs to drop away. My last date was a Christian and he had no conception whatsoever of my humanity and conceiving of me as an independent woman taking care of myself. It was lost on him. That said, he was a very nice guy. Most of the men on Zoosk are Christian which is extremely troubling. That’s not going to work for me at all.

We’ll see. No sex the first date, that’s for sure. The way I’m feeling about my out of state friend who I talked to today, he’s the only one I want right now. Uh oh.

The Way It Works is…


man and woman

My intuition has taught me…

Talking is easy for women and sex is not. Sex is not superficial for us.

Sex is easy for men and talking is not. Talking is not superficial for men.

Women need sex to grow. Men need talking to grow. Make sure you each have what you need the way you need it. Men love a woman they know they can talk to honestly. Women love a man they know cares about their body and physical health and happiness.

If a man wants to talk to you or keeps calling you to talk he’s probably in love with you, especially if you haven’t had sex yet. Remember, sex doesn’t mean anything to men. They don’t bond through sex the way women do unless they have a mental and heart connection to you.

If a woman wants to have sex with you but not talk all the time she’s probably in love with you or at least loves you. Remember, women talk all the time. It’s superficial to us. Talking doesn’t mean anything to us. The body does; sex does. We bond through sex whether anyone realizes it or not. A man who doesn’t want to have sex with you but wants to talk doesn’t want you to bond to him. He just wants to feel fake bonded to you like a fantasy. That’s actually epidemic right now. It’s offloading to use women to talk and then not have sex with them. He’s probably getting superficial sex elsewhere.

Men don’t deserve to be beaten up for being superficial about sex any more than women should be punished for being superficial about talking. Sex is a male conversation which they can be superficial about or deep. The same is true for women, talking, and connecting. But both sides need to have their needs met. If you use each other there will be karma.

Self-Interest


being alone

It’s fairly natural and normal for people to put their own self-interests first. After all, if you don’t advocate for yourself, people will put words in your mouth, act as an authority over you and attempt to control you. None of that is good. That said, I tend to be the opposite and put others interests before my own if they are next to me. That’s why I like to be alone most of the time so I can feel myself and not just them. Tat begs the question, ” Why can’t I feelmysel anthe atthe sae time?” I can if I know and trust them.

Being an empath, I’m like a sponge or a cell phone tower picking up the vibes of others and I’m very sensitive to them. I am getting better at shutting it off. But in our offloading, chaotic culture, it’s like a trash heap of vibes and others aren’t even aware they’re doing it so I have my personal defense up.

However, in personal relationships, putting your self-interests ahead of others is selfish and it may be hard for them to get to know you. That may be the way you want it. It’s the way most of us had to function growing up with parents that had expectations of us or were abusive and controlling. I find human beings to be more difficult to deal with than animals or nature to be sure. We’ve learned to survive by being fake or not saying anything at all. I’ve had the problem in partnerships and friendships of caring more about and tuning into the other person more than they do to me. It may be true that I don’t readily express my feelings to others until I feel I can really trust them, which usually doesn’t happen. I’ve learned not to trust most humans. I think millions of people would agree with me. So in my case, I’m more in protective, observation mode than I am interested in myself more than them. In fact, when I’m with someone, I tend to be more interested in them. I am definitely a giver type person and only want to receive from a select few.

What I’m describing here is a sharing element where both parties feel free and safe to express their mood, what’s going on, what they’re working on, how they feel and what they need, knowing that the other one will listen. I will express that if the other person asks but generally I won’t otherwise.

For Others Benefit


notmypeople

It’s safe to say it’s easy to lose respect for someone that doesn’t like or respect how you process your feelings or for men who don’t process their feelings at all. It always comes out in the body silently; usually in an eating disorder or some other illness. The person doesn’t have to say a word and many times won’t because they’re being harassed for who they are naturally by some around them. Its already been proven that the feelings and thoughts go directly into the cells of the body if a person can’t discuss it or say it for fear of more offloading from others. There’s nowhere else for it to go. Here is my article on it with page numbers that will refer you to the specific lab tests done at the NIH proving it!

Emotion carrying peptides in our bodies cells

EVERY HUMAN BEING HAS FEELINGS WHETHER THEY’RE AWARE OF THEM OR NOT. NO ONE IS 100% RATIONAL OR LEFT BRAINED ONLY. It’s a neurological impossibility. Therefore it’s a big human need for us to express our feelings, not just our thoughts or opinions all the time. That leads to a dead end; usually, a hypocritical one where you can say anything that’s expedient to sell something and then turn around in your private life and be exceedingly messed up. It’s almost expected in American culture to have a messed up private life.

People-who-call-you-names-only-say-it-because-they

Remember that name-calling by others is just your refusal to adjust for their benefit. Plus, they feel guilty about being who they are and are projecting it onto you. I personally have no shame or guilt. I know if I do something wrong (not on purpose but it’s still a mistake), I fix it either in myself or with the other person.  I’ve been called;

  • freak by my sister
  • different by my dad
  • too sensitive by my son’s father
  • defensive by my mom
  • lost
  • very talented
  • very smart
  • great singer with a unique voice
  • cool
  • good writer
  • unique
  • Princess (by my fiance Michael who died)
  • good hugger
  • hot and sweet
  • funny

You see it’s a mixed bag there but what is interesting are the people closest to me who know me best revile me and are hateful. That’s been going on my whole life. Halfway through my life now, I’ve realized there is no amount of love or patience that can heal a sick soul. I’m done. Also, note that the ones who say the worst things to you die early are already dead or ill. It’s their own self-loathing that makes them lash out and treat you like shit. They treat themselves like shit and it’s your duty to stay away from them and love yourself and keep improving, even if they are family members or especially because they are family members. That is what my book “Healer” is about.

It happens all the time and depending on the circumstances and how much you need to depend on the circumstances will decide whether you adjust or not. We are a social creature but our socializing is with all life, not just with humans. Many people are better friends with their pet than another human being. I totally get that. I feel that way about trees. Not squirrels though. They’re jerks. Robins are cool.

Humans are the most challenging life form with which to socialize because most are still functioning in the primate brain. Monkeys have been known to start fights on purpose, just because they feel like it, kill each other and then eat their own kind; cannibalism. That DNA is in all of us unless you are Rh negative blood type. It’s the Rhesus monkey factor. I believe it’s contributed to a host of anti-social behavioral problems in humans but it’s obvious it’s there. Rh negative folks are behaviorally very different than Rh positive.

I recommend that everyone find a way to express and develop your vision and creative self. You’ll need to get to work on it. Think positively about what you WANT to happen and don’t worry about what COULD happen. Those wishes and feelings are very powerful when applied to yourself. It’s worked gangbusters for me and really IS the intuition. Go for it! Do it silently unless you have a friend who really loves and takes care of themselves. Then they won’t attack you as your life and body improve. If you have just one person who says, “Awesome”, you’re fortunate.

 

Jealousy


jealous-ugly

Jealousy is just lying to yourself out of laziness and self-indulgence. You’d rather suck energy from others and take their credit than do the hard work yourself. That’s not a mental illness, you’re just being an asshole. You don’t love yourself and that will ruin the mind, body, and spirit. And those that are strong, not jealous, love themselves and do the work will be scapegoated. There is nothing righteous about allowing yourself to be scapegoated and letting people hurt you because they choose to be weak. Everyone is strong sometimes and weak sometimes. We need to live in a world where everyone is loved with compassion, not just weak people out of pity to soothe the ego of the other weak people.-ME

Human Consciousness Is Realigning


oneness

MINDSET-Human consciousness is always aligning but evolution has shown that there are leaps where suddenly there is a paradigm shift. We are in a leap zone right now. Those on the planet who want to be here and want to leap and see what the leap can bring will do it. Those that are on the planet and have decided they don’t really want to be here or they’re making it hell here for themselves and others will not leap. Both are choices but the leap WILL happen. No one can stop it this time. The indigo children coming onto the planet and being activists are an example of the leap.

Some people are here to teach our fellow beings to communicate with one another in a way that helps us realign our relationships to be healthier. Many people are doing it and I’m doing it with regard to the Spirit-Body-Mind.

I’m teaching people to take care of themselves by being a good example. We need to restore the clarity of communication that existed long ago. We have a common thread running through all things in the universe, one in Spirit and Mind, yet appear separate as a body and seem to be different because of our upbringing. But they are not deep differences.

Once we become aware of this irony it will lead to an interdependency, not independence or dependence (dysfunction) based upon trust and faith in humankind that allows us to see the spiritual consciousness within all. I have to admit I vacillate between cynicism and realism and don’t always know which one is accurate.

Gender balance is key to spiritual interdependency. God the Father is equal with God the Mother but it isn’t taught in any earth religions. In fact, God is neither male nor female but these are at different dimensional levels. Biologists know that men and women are actually both male and female so the patriarchal depiction of God is not accurate at all. In fact, women are the ones who create human beings in our bodies. That gives us quite a leg up on the planet and worthy of respect even though in the wider universe we’re equal with males. It’s not about control but cooperation between the genders.

Men are called to surpass their fathers at all levels and women are called to surpass their mothers at all levels. A good parent will want this for their child. If your parent doesn’t want that for you, it’s your duty as a child of the earth to know that the Universe has your back to rampage it forward, have faith, and get busy!