Heartset; Addiction as a Shield


 

 

My drug of choice was sugar (top right), particularly cheesecake. Anything can actually be a drug of choice which is your “go-to” when you don’t feel you can deal with the emotions of a bad situation or a toxic vampiric relationship sucking the life force from you or traumatic memories because you don’t know how to put up boundaries or kick the memories in the huevos. People are addicted to all kinds of things, even working out! For instance, no one needs to work out two hours a day, seven days a week and that is extremely unhealthy. The body won’t tolerate it. Sometimes a way out takes some thought and planning and if you’re in survival mode, who has time for thought and planning? Well, that’s what we tell ourselves. Sometimes we say, “I’ll plan it out tomorrow,” and tomorrow means never. Do it now.

Now that I’m on the wagon and eating very healthy, dealing with my feelings, setting boundaries and exercising, I can see how ironic the addiction shield is. In my case, my fat layers were my shield but they didn’t work. I still had men hitting on me. It’s SUCH a myth that men are only attracted to thin women. HUGE freaking lie. It didn’t work and I felt horrible. My husband and then men after him, after my divorce, still wanted my sexual energy and liked me fat layers and all. I must put out an energy I’m not fully aware of yet but I don’t intend to. I am who I am! I have to figure it out.

All of the other addictive substances and activities not done in moderation will hurt your health as well and we know them. So, who needs a shield against an enemy, which could be mate, family, bad job, boss, the IRS, you name it when you’re busy destroying yourself on the other side of the shield??

That is the irony. Most addicts feel like they’re empowering themselves by rebelling, defiantly smoking the cigarette or dab pen 6-10 times a day or anything else. You’re defying yourself! You’re hurting yourself behind the shield you’ve put up supposedly so others can’t get to you. Instead, YOU can’t get to you. It makes no sense and no one cares really if you want to destroy yourself of not. That’s the awful truth of our world. You do have to be your own best friend and it still continues to amaze me how much more I’m ignored the better I do on my own. That’s another irony. I think it’s the pity and rescuing thing. People who need to rescue themselves are addicted to rescuing others and pitying them. If you don’t fit that description, you are not useful to them.

If you really want to resist and be defiant against the machine (family, marriage, church, and state), LOVE YOURSELF, figure out how to make yourself happy, get so hot and so fit that everyone who said they loved you before find themselves deliciously jealous, hating you, trying to cut you down, and not talking to you anymore. You’re too good for them now. No, not really, but they are so down on themselves and you’re not that they have to project that out to stay in denial about their own power to change or willingness to exert themselves to achieve it.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to improve yourself, in fact, the opposite. Live alone and organize your money so that you can support yourself and pay your bills. Think it through. Have fun with your kids and don’t talk to people that suck who everyone else thinks rock out. That is non-compliant. You don’t need the shield of defense anymore in the form of addiction because you’re right out in front, asserting yourself and picking your battles and hopefully, winning a few. Win the battles with YOURSELF, put that shield down and go after the kind of body and life you want, one day at a time.

Prose; Self-Interest


being alone

It’s fairly natural and normal for people to put their own self-interests first. After all, if you don’t advocate for yourself, people will put words in your mouth, act as an authority over you and attempt to control you. None of that is good. That said, I tend to be the opposite and put others interests before my own if they are next to me. That’s why I like to be alone most of the time so I can feel myself and not just them. Tat begs the question, ” Why can’t I feelmysel anthe atthe sae time?” I can if I know and trust them.

Being an empath, I’m like a sponge or a cell phone tower picking up the vibes of others and I’m very sensitive to them. I am getting better at shutting it off. But in our offloading, chaotic culture, it’s like a trash heap of vibes and others aren’t even aware they’re doing it so I have my personal defense up.

However, in personal relationships, putting your self-interests ahead of others is selfish and it may be hard for them to get to know you. That may be the way you want it. It’s the way most of us had to function growing up with parents that had expectations of us or were abusive and controlling. I find human beings to be more difficult to deal with than animals or nature to be sure. We’ve learned to survive by being fake or not saying anything at all. I’ve had the problem in partnerships and friendships of caring more about and tuning into the other person more than they do to me. It may be true that I don’t readily express my feelings to others until I feel I can really trust them, which usually doesn’t happen. I’ve learned not to trust most humans. I think millions of people would agree with me. So in my case, I’m more in protective, observation mode than I am interested in myself more than them. In fact, when I’m with someone, I tend to be more interested in them. I am definitely a giver type person and only want to receive from a select few.

What I’m describing here is a sharing element where both parties feel free and safe to express their mood, what’s going on, what they’re working on, how they feel and what they need, knowing that the other one will listen. I will express that if the other person asks but generally I won’t otherwise.

Re-Program; “I Forgive You”


 

Grudge

“You need to forgive your parents no matter what or you won’t be free. You’ll become enmeshed and then will think about them and talk about them too much to the point of not living within your own body and soul. It could even turn to blame which is handing them power over your life.”-Lisa T.

The word forgive is two words; for and give. So, you give before you’re asked when you forgive. The people who give before they’re asked are in loving relationships. Some religions teach that the Universe gives to us before we even have to ask because of Love. I’m not suggesting we will be or should always be in loving relationships but we could try and tip the scales in their favor.

In terms of intuition, we’re focused on the heart as an organ. We’ve all had a broken heart and it literally is a closing of the heart chakra which affects the heart as an organ. When the heart closes the mind starts to go out of commission and we have all kinds of mental illness manifesting.

The deepest heart scars are memories of child abuse toward us by our parents before we even knew what anything was. This can come in many forms but they are deep wounds given to us by people we relied on for everything. Child abuse is most definitely part of the human condition and human history. It’s nothing unusual at all even though some people would like to portray a romantic fantasy about it not existing. Incest is very common as well, more than we know I’m afraid. It is still taboo and not talked about widely yet.

Given all of that as adults, the first people we need to forgive are our earthly parents who always made mistakes like all of us do. But maybe they were outright bad people! That doesn’t mean you have to be as their child. Learning how to forgive is part of that. If the task of forgiveness hasn’t been achieved, there is not much chance at all for successful bonding with new people as an adult.

Wounded adults who have not forgiven use all kinds of excuses for avoiding intimacy. A common one is they make sure they have more power in a relationship than the other person. If you warn them ahead of time and make sure you’re so powerful emotionally that you hurt the opposite gender first that’s one of their tricks. Another trick is faking appeal to another person’s desire for you and pretending you desire them just to get superficial sex out of them the way you want it…at a distance. Then tell them they’re so hot that you hope they’ll never let the ship sail, then reject them first, sail the ship yourself, and see if they’ll go away or hope they’ll go away. These are games of a weak, wounded person. And they never tell the truth.

 

Not only that, they do not care about what you want or need and make it obvious by playing games. But they will keep telling you what a great person you are appealing to your ego until they want to teach you a lesson and stomp on you. It’s best to extricate yourself before then which means they don’t have you by the ego. All of this is a waste of time and they can’t really draw you in if you are grounded in your center. Simply cut them off and figure out how they got your attention so it doesn’t happen again. The usual lure is lust, at least it is for me. Just keep track of not so much what they say but what they do.

All I know is it’s a turn-off and I’m staying away. These are very manipulative people that had to learn to manipulate adults to survive and to get their way as children. They need a lot of therapy and they have not forgiven their faulty parents! This is what a lack of forgiveness does to the mind. So their cleverness is fully engaged in survival, profit, cynical, and not the least bit interested in reciprocity or love with the opposite sex. It could even turn to narcissism and likely does.

You might want to do some self-inventory and make sure your motivation for work and action in life is detached. Otherwise, you need to do some more forgiveness. Review those types of Platonic Love I posted about and decide that you’re not going to participate with others who are not loving. It may mean celibacy and not as much of a social life but it’s worth it for your health of body and mind.

 

Essay; Do We Really Need to Depend on a Partner Intimately?


Woman on a mountain

It is very true that we are interdependent on one another in the second layer of society; fireman, government workers, health care workers, shop owners, food producers, mail folks, airline pilots and workers, taxi drivers; really an endless list. These are generally people who could be considered strangers or acquaintances in our local area. None of them lives with us. There are literally millions of service workers who are paid to be of service to individuals should they need food or attention. The grocery stores even deliver food to your door if you’re disabled. It’s actually mind-blowing if you think about it. Absolutely anything you could possibly need in terms of material need is now made available to us all over the world, sometimes at the touch of a button by other human beings who are generally happy to be helpful and kind-or appear to be.

But none of that is intimacy. None of those people know us well. They only know us superficially, sometimes less than anyone on social media. But the stats are showing that more and more Americans like living alone especially after their children are grown. It’s also known to actually ruin loving relationships to have children and form a family. I have a theory that the institution of the family is the main reason for gluttony. It looks to me like people who live in a family blow up like a balloon! You’re living so closely with people with whom you function in a prescribed role, that you put on the layers as a defense mechanism. It seems the family is more stressed than ever with a very high divorce rate. Maybe that’s because it’s unnatural but we assume it’s not! There is no disputing that. The main thing that keeps people together is guilt and duty to their children for about ten years. That’s actually not a bad function of negative emotion in this case as children really do thrive on having both parents available if they can at least be civil to one another living in the same household. The child is forming their subconscious mind.

My son is grown and I’m single so I’ve talked to other singles and they all say the same thing; “I miss having someone to talk to.” Well, how much of that talking is defending your ideas to the other person or offloading your emotions that as an adult you’re fully capable of dealing with silently or with a therapist? No two people are exactly alike and one of my least favorite activities is feeling like I have to explain my unusual self to anyone. Just read my writing or ask my patients! My work speaks for itself. Do I really have to talk about it?

I’m a writer so I unload my ideas, observations, and thoughts on the page. If you really want to know me, read what I’ve written. It sort of tells me everything when my friends don’t want to read my book or my blog.  It seems to me that when we talk to someone, we’re writing out loud. The other person is the typewriter or computer keyboard and paper receiving your thoughts. Is that fair to do that to someone else verbally? Most people see you the way they need to see you anyway, not the way you really are. It’s a psychological projection but that’s where we are in society. It may even be less than that. They size you up by how you look and your gender and that’s it! I don’t think they care to see much more. When I really like someone, I just want to be with them, hang out, walk, cook food, lay next to them, have sex. I don’t want to talk all the time. Most people I know aren’t secure enough in themselves to silently hang out.

I’m a giver for a living, or a service worker in that I’m a bodyworker and work in healthcare. I take care of people for a living and love my work. I stay quite busy, my phone rings, people ask for my advice a lot and people are in and out all day. I receive much from doing it as well and charge a fair fee so there is reciprocation. In no way do I feel I’m martyring myself during my work.

But do I really want to spend more time having sex with someone or am I happy to have the time to myself to keep working on my body, working out, buying and preparing healthy food, walking, shopping for new clothes that fit me and all the fun that entails? I’m not a child anymore so I’m not physically dependent on being taken care of physically or financially by a partner. No one is! That is a taboo subject. You’ll always get pushback on that one because of the epidemic of dysfunctional parenting. You don’t have to be a slave to any of that though. Playing the victim and being a victim is a profitable industry and shores up the existence of political parties as does being even more abusive to people that have already been victims. It’s a vicious cycle that only the individual can finally free themselves from. It’s not politically correct of me to point that out either.

I guess I’m in an experimental phase, seeing what I can get away with, how much can I make myself happy and not have to talk to anyone. Silence and peace are good. I adore it and I use it to do good work for others.

 

 

Can We Love One Another Without Traditional Bonding?


It depends on how you define bonding which I address below. In spiritual circles, we say, “Love at all times”. So the heart is always open, to everyone and we are protected by Spirit and use our intuition as a guide so there is no fear. We still have to be discerning about how we express love. For indeed, there is no fear in Love. So, that’s the idea. Many highly spiritual people succeed in this so I know it’s possible.

Like all good ideas, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; boots on the ground kind of thing. When I put this to the test in my relationships with men and women I’d like to have a more specific plan since I’m a lover and a giver. My cup is always full and I need to empty it. That’s why I’m a giver. The last thing I need is more offloading, vampires, users, fakers and very unstable in my space looking for love that they need to find within and can find within. That’s when my cup empties quickly. That’s where discernment comes in.

How can we keep a strong boundary as empaths and lovers?

  1. If you truly love the other person, you accept where they are on the Self-Love spectrum. Don’t rush in where angels fear to tread. Instead, observe their behavior. Are they intuitive with you as you are with them? Are they emotionally sensitive to you when you need a shoulder or a hug or just to talk? They can give to you if they give to their own Self. Also, how much do they talk about their family? Are they still enslaved by a toxic family and defined by their toxic projection onto them? This issue is epidemic. Reiki aligns it.
  2. Do you love your own body enough so that when you have sex, you don’t suck energy from the other person but just “share” who you are? If you truly love your body you will just enjoy each other’s bodies, you won’t feel the need to possess the other. The other person can feel it if you do that.
  3. Is your conversation and dynamic peaceful with the other person? Or are there feelings of tension, or one person does all the talking all the time while the other one listens. Do they ask you how YOU are or is it always about them?

Intuition comes into play here more than reason. Studies have shown that humans highly communicate through body language. Everybody has different feelings but it’s not others job to figure you out. It’s your job to figure you out and know how you feel. It’s called maturity and mindfulness. You are the one IN your relationship, other’s are not or should not be, so they are of no use coming to a decision, ultimately. Our friends can be a sounding board for our own feelings though. That’s what friends are for; not to tell you what to do in a relationship.

How do we define bonding?

  1. “I miss you when you’re not here.” You’re bonded
  2. ” I need you next to me in bed”. You’re bonded
  3. “I need to talk to you to feel secure.” You’re bonded
  4. “I want to be with you more or most of the time.” You’re bonded

The list can go on but it’s always, “I need”, “I want” like a child. As an adult, you are able to regulate feelings of need and want via your brain. If your brain isn’t regulating it, put boots on the ground again and get exercising, moving, eating healthy and drinking water. It’s that simple. Just do it and stop pondering it.

I think bonded is a misnomer. I’d say you’re latched on, like a baby breastfeeding on its mother or a small child getting the affirmation and attention that they need from their father. All of this is the subconscious mind repeating unresolved patterns with the birth parents. That’s the main problem in our society. We need to release subconscious programming and become adults in our conscious program that we design for ourselves.

Can women keep their feelings during sex and not bond? How?

Realize that your feelings are for yourself. The man is barely absorbing them or feeling them anyway because all he feels is your body. While it’s true that the body is your feelings and thoughts, being mentally aware of your feelings is a higher level of cognition that women have. Most men don’t have it. They haven’t evolved the skill of knowing how they feel past being hungry or horny. It’s unbelievable to women but it reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter when she referred to Ron as having the emotional range of a teaspoon. And it’s unfair for women to expect most men to be any different. That’s like asking women not to have breasts. Of course, we have breasts. It’s natural.

I would say “Yes”, we can love one another without traditional bonding but it’s not realistic to expect others to be able to. 98% of humans bond to one another and thus we have all the problems that we do on earth. People follow each other instead of their inner knowing. I personally think we need to grow past that but I certainly don’t expect it. True unity happens when we are all naturally sitting in our center. The fact is, we’re already bonded with all of life in the physical as one big family of Life. Just relax into that instead of adding another layer of latching on.

 

 

 

Re-Program; Can Your Reasonable Intention Change the Numbers?


The foundation theme for this blog is:

“The balance between rational analysis and intuition create True Reason. One cannot exist or be fully accurate without the other.”-Me

We need to correct the current scientific bias that favors rational analysis over intuition which is why science is currently in a misogynistic black hole (no pun intended). There is a need for both women and men balanced in both their intuitive and rational mind working in the sciences.

Some analogies could be the balance of female/male principle and the balance of right and left brain hemispheres in each individual that takes us beyond the current evolutionary condition. Maybe an individual is dominant in one or the other but a truly reasonable person is balanced in both. I suppose this alone is a new notion and it is my theory. I didn’t read it anywhere. To me, it is logical.

My question is; “Can reasonable, personal intention change the numbers?”

Quantum mechanics says that it can. A thing can change it’s form and vibration if not it’s essential essence. For instance, the number two is always the number two, but it may look and feel different than it ever did before due to evolutionary adaptation.

1920px-Circles_packed_in_square_2.svg

500px-delboeuf_illusion

Rupert Sheldrake suggests, “Things have habits, they are not fixed by natural laws. Men make laws, nature doesn’t. The cosmos now seems more like a developing organism than an eternal machine. In this context, habits may be more natural than immutable laws.

Say you follow your GPS and get to the right place you programmed into your GPS but once you get there, you see that it’s completely changed its form and feel. It’s so different that you question whether you are in the right place and check your instruments. It is indeed the right place but it’s not the SAME place. Nothing and no one stays the same even though the address is the same.

A person may be the same height and look generally the same but if they have gone through a spiritually and emotionally life-changing event they may seem like a completely different person when you meet them again. This is unusual but it does happen.

It is entertaining to me to observe that after a woman loses weight most people treat her completely different as though she’s a different person just because she’s smaller. She’s not a different person, she’s a different size! I’ve talked to women friends who were quite large and then shrank and they are disgusted at how nice people are to them all of a sudden, as though their very character changed and they are now of more value and no longer some type of criminal because they are no longer large. This type of size bias is very indicative of the superficial values embedded in our materialistic, media-driven culture that rides on the objectification and over-sexualization of women. The assumption is, a smaller woman is more desirable sexually or more skilled sexually. None of that is true at all obviously. Studies have been done showing that doctors are size biased as well toward patients and make assumptions about health that don’t hold up in studies.

In answer to my question, yes the numbers can change but the sums cannot. How that looks is another matter. 2 + 2= 4 is always true and is very comforting but the way that looks in form is completely variable and sometimes you won’t think it’s math at all. That’s where physics can be of help.

The next idea I’ll be looking at is my theory that there are introspective controls possible in axiology that minimize ambiguity and variance so that something, someone, or some relationship can be studied and stabilized. I’ll be coming up with axioms to demonstrate it in relation to Time Science.

Peace out.