I originally blogged this on August 26, 2013; 6 years ago.
The book I wrote, “Healer” has a section on bonding; page 240. Like most people, I believe that men and women have a tremendous amount in common biologically. And I really do like most men. However, socially, on Facebook, and in the town, I live in, the more I talk, as a literate person, as an intelligent woman with self-esteem that isn’t a doormat, as a woman who is a small business owner, the more I get called names like “egotistical” and “pathetic”.
So I decided to think about the difference between a woman’s ego and a man’s ego. There are books and articles about a man’s ego all over the place. The “fragile male ego” is well known. But the woman’s ego? Imagine, the “fragile female ego” being bandied about. It’s more like, “New discovery! Women have an ego! Make a flag for them!”
The definition of the ego is a sense of “yourself” or “self-centered”. Everyone starts out at a young age with a natural inborn sense of who they are as a person unless your parents or religion beat it out of you. That’s possible and maybe prevalent, but not healthy at all. People do tend to feel more secure if they agree with one another. It’s curious.
A woman…with a sense of “herself”, pride, dignity, accomplished….well, she doesn’t sound very sexy. Or does she? Why do I assume she has to sound sexy? She doesn’t have to but women want sex probably more than men do. If you described a man that way it’s sexy.
There’s our first red flag. Women are given the message early on that their attractiveness as a potential mate, for the purposes of reproduction, should define their sense of self-worth. Thus the obsession with superficial looks as opposed to a big brain, articulateness, education, in essence, the character Amy Farafowler on “Big Bang Theory” (who I love). It’s just starting to catch on. And we are ever so grateful to Dr. Barbie and Corporate Manager Barbie to serve as a role model for young girls.
Yes, women have an ego. Yes, women have a sense of themselves as an individual. Our needs with regard to education, intelligence, level of respect and pay in the workplace, respect in the home, respect from our sons, access to team sports, et.al are EQUAL to men.
I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life writing and living an example of a woman with an ego who loves. You can’t love from emptiness. You can’t love if your body is falling apart because you’ve given your last ounce of life force to everyone else. Women can be an example of how to take care of ourselves first and then whoever else we prefer to care for.