Essay; A Woman’s Ego


 

Woman on a mountain

I originally blogged this on August 26, 2013; 6 years ago.

The book I wrote, “Healer” has a section on bonding; page 240.  Like most people, I believe that men and women have a tremendous amount in common biologically.  And I really do like most men.  However, socially, on Facebook, and in the town, I live in, the more I talk, as a literate person, as an intelligent woman with self-esteem that isn’t a doormat, as a woman who is a small business owner, the more I get called names like “egotistical” and “pathetic”.

So I decided to think about the difference between a woman’s ego and a man’s ego. There are books and articles about a man’s ego all over the place. The “fragile male ego” is well known.  But the woman’s ego?  Imagine, the “fragile female ego” being bandied about.  It’s more like, “New discovery!  Women have an ego! Make a flag for them!”

The definition of the ego is a sense of “yourself” or “self-centered”. Everyone starts out at a young age with a natural inborn sense of who they are as a person unless your parents or religion beat it out of you. That’s possible and maybe prevalent, but not healthy at all. People do tend to feel more secure if they agree with one another.  It’s curious.

A woman…with a sense of “herself”, pride, dignity, accomplished….well, she doesn’t sound very sexy.  Or does she?  Why do I assume she has to sound sexy? She doesn’t have to but women want sex probably more than men do. If you described a man that way it’s sexy.

There’s our first red flag. Women are given the message early on that their attractiveness as a potential mate, for the purposes of reproduction, should define their sense of self-worth. Thus the obsession with superficial looks as opposed to a big brain, articulateness, education, in essence, the character Amy Farafowler on “Big Bang Theory” (who I love). It’s just starting to catch on. And we are ever so grateful to Dr. Barbie and Corporate Manager Barbie to serve as a role model for young girls.

Yes, women have an ego.  Yes, women have a sense of themselves as an individual. Our needs with regard to education, intelligence, level of respect and pay in the workplace, respect in the home, respect from our sons, access to team sports, et.al are EQUAL to men.

I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life writing and living an example of a woman with an ego who loves.  You can’t love from emptiness.  You can’t love if your body is falling apart because you’ve given your last ounce of life force to everyone else. Women can be an example of how to take care of ourselves first and then whoever else we prefer to care for.

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Heartset; Addiction as a Shield


 

 

My drug of choice was sugar (top right), particularly cheesecake. Anything can actually be a drug of choice which is your “go-to” when you don’t feel you can deal with the emotions of a bad situation or a toxic vampiric relationship sucking the life force from you or traumatic memories because you don’t know how to put up boundaries or kick the memories in the huevos. People are addicted to all kinds of things, even working out! For instance, no one needs to work out two hours a day, seven days a week and that is extremely unhealthy. The body won’t tolerate it. Sometimes a way out takes some thought and planning and if you’re in survival mode, who has time for thought and planning? Well, that’s what we tell ourselves. Sometimes we say, “I’ll plan it out tomorrow,” and tomorrow means never. Do it now.

Now that I’m on the wagon and eating very healthy, dealing with my feelings, setting boundaries and exercising, I can see how ironic the addiction shield is. In my case, my fat layers were my shield but they didn’t work. I still had men hitting on me. It’s SUCH a myth that men are only attracted to thin women. HUGE freaking lie. It didn’t work and I felt horrible. My husband and then men after him, after my divorce, still wanted my sexual energy and liked me fat layers and all. I must put out an energy I’m not fully aware of yet but I don’t intend to. I am who I am! I have to figure it out.

All of the other addictive substances and activities not done in moderation will hurt your health as well and we know them. So, who needs a shield against an enemy, which could be mate, family, bad job, boss, the IRS, you name it when you’re busy destroying yourself on the other side of the shield??

That is the irony. Most addicts feel like they’re empowering themselves by rebelling, defiantly smoking the cigarette or dab pen 6-10 times a day or anything else. You’re defying yourself! You’re hurting yourself behind the shield you’ve put up supposedly so others can’t get to you. Instead, YOU can’t get to you. It makes no sense and no one cares really if you want to destroy yourself of not. That’s the awful truth of our world. You do have to be your own best friend and it still continues to amaze me how much more I’m ignored the better I do on my own. That’s another irony. I think it’s the pity and rescuing thing. People who need to rescue themselves are addicted to rescuing others and pitying them. If you don’t fit that description, you are not useful to them.

If you really want to resist and be defiant against the machine (family, marriage, church, and state), LOVE YOURSELF, figure out how to make yourself happy, get so hot and so fit that everyone who said they loved you before find themselves deliciously jealous, hating you, trying to cut you down, and not talking to you anymore. You’re too good for them now. No, not really, but they are so down on themselves and you’re not that they have to project that out to stay in denial about their own power to change or willingness to exert themselves to achieve it.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to improve yourself, in fact, the opposite. Live alone and organize your money so that you can support yourself and pay your bills. Think it through. Have fun with your kids and don’t talk to people that suck who everyone else thinks rock out. That is non-compliant. You don’t need the shield of defense anymore in the form of addiction because you’re right out in front, asserting yourself and picking your battles and hopefully, winning a few. Win the battles with YOURSELF, put that shield down and go after the kind of body and life you want, one day at a time.

Essay; A Woman’s Ego


 

Woman on a mountain

I originally blogged this on August 26, 2013; 6 years ago.

The book I wrote, “Healer” has a section on gender.  Like most people, I believe that men and women have a tremendous amount in common biologically.  And I really do like most men.  However, socially, on Facebook, and in the town I live in, the more I talk, as a literate person, as an intelligent woman with self-esteem that isn’t a doormat, as a woman who is a small business owner, the more I get called names like “egotistical” and “pathetic”.

So I decided to think about the difference between a woman’s ego and a man’s ego. There are books and articles about a man’s ego all over the place. The “fragile male ego” is well known.  But the woman’s ego?  Imagine, the “fragile female ego” being bandied about.  It’s more like, “New discovery!  Women have an ego! Make a flag for them!”

The definition of the ego is a sense of “yourself” or “self-centered”. Everyone starts out at a young age with a natural inborn sense of who they are as a person unless your parents or religion beat it out of you. That’s possible and maybe prevalent, but not healthy at all. People do tend to feel more secure if they agree with one another.  It’s curious.

A woman…with a sense of “herself”, pride, dignity, accomplished….well, she doesn’t sound very sexy.  Or does she?  Why do I assume she has to sound sexy? She doesn’t have to but women want sex probably more than men do. If you described a man that way it’s sexy.

There’s our first red flag. Women are given the message early on that their attractiveness as a potential mate, for the purposes of reproduction, should define their sense of self-worth. Thus the obsession with superficial looks as opposed to a big brain, articulateness, education, in essence, the character Amy Farafowler on “Big Bang Theory” (who I love). It’s just starting to catch on. And we are ever so grateful to Dr. Barbie and Corporate Manager Barbie to serve as a role model for young girls.

Yes, women have an ego.  Yes, women have a sense of themselves as an individual. Our needs with regard to education, intelligence, level of respect and pay in the workplace, respect in the home, respect from our sons, access to team sports, et.al are EQUAL to men.

I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life writing and living an example of a woman with an ego who loves.  You can’t love from emptiness.  You can’t love if your body is falling apart because you’ve given your last ounce of life force to everyone else. Women can be an example of how to take care of ourselves first and then whoever else we prefer to care for.