The Womb


dark forest

I’ve known you but a thousand years my love

Your face so rare and calm…

I’ve known you deep inside the walls that push against my scorn.

 

Trenchant waters, tar-like mattes of ribbon sheer and broad,

Stripes form bridges…

Moats to cross…

Transfixed, I hear you call.

 

I know that voice so clear and deep, it beckons me to come,

“Reside with me my love.” “All right.”

The waters surge at dawn.

 

The Night is bright with moonlit sky

I wish it’d go away, to corners webbed and clockwork loose

To trip dimensions throng.

 

Plunge me into silence still embraced by tepid wrong.

Wrong and right eclipse my lungs…

Can’t breathe—

No morals throng.

 

Fear gloats its rabid face…”STOP!” I feign to tell it stunned.

My love lies deep within my heart, unhinged by doom-it runs!

 

Criss-cross sticks form one long bridge

Across the chasm’s face

Tred lightly dear, sing your way through the ache dismissed as day.

 

I’ve known you but a thousand years, this too shall pass away.

Eternity is ours my love.

The womb shall have its way.

 

9/26/09. Kin #66, White 1 Worldbridger (My Tzolkin Analog)

I remember writing this. I was at the end of a marriage and going through the wringer, deeply wanting to find a soulmate or my twin flame. My soul was burning. It was nine years ago and a whole life has happened since. Seems like yesterday.

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I’m Jealous


I’m publishing this again because I’m no longer jealous. I figured it out and myself and turned it around. But…this was most definitely true about a month ago. Life is a rampage. We mostly have to tangle with ourselves and what we want. Jealously is projecting your wishes for yourself onto someone else. In this case, who better than my Twin Flame to take the brunt of it. I have to say, I’m not particularly enjoying this journey. There is so much mirroring! It’s a good thing he lives in a western state, 1840 miles away at this point.

Image result for image of a woman jealous of a man's power

God, it’s horrible. I’m not a jealous person but I am right now! I’m never jealous of anyone because I really do love myself generally. Of course, we all have things we need to work on in our character but I do a self-inventory regularly and I’m patient with my process. My issues with men for thirty years turned into resentment and now I see it as jealousy. I’m jealous that by virtue of their gender, what men say, write, and do is taken 100% more seriously than women. When they write a book, it will likely sell. I’m smarter and more literate than most men and it’s doubtful that my non-fiction work will ever get traction. That said I haven’t tried yet because I don’t think it’s perfect. I need to edit it down further. It’s too long.

Have you noticed that women write stories, fiction, and cookbooks and it flies? Unless a woman leaves her receptive femininity and beauty at the door (like Camille Paglia) and is no-holds-barred intellectual, no one will hear a word she says. Women have to display their male characteristics to be heard in public.

I am jealous, I realized, of my Twin Flame. Why did he get to come onto earth in his perfect, thin, small cut male body that doesn’t bleed from the inside and doesn’t feel this neurotic need to sacrifice for his children and nurture others?

Since he is my twin flame, he’s the literal embodiment of my animus. This is part of the Twin Flame journey in facing myself in the mirror. He is perfect physically (although he doesn’t think so) and it makes me sick! He looks exactly the way I always wished I could look since high school. My body was almost exactly like his in high school but less muscle. I was a trim 137 when I was a junior. Both of us are only 5’4″; the same height so there really is no justification for either of us to weigh more than 150.

He doesn’t have all this rampaging estrogen that makes his body thick with the desire to bake cheesecake and cookies, to feed others and be fed. He gets to have all the testosterone that causes him to burn fat much quicker than me because men have more muscle than women, which also gives him more aggression and confidence in the face of life’s challenges where I want to retreat. Women don’t want to fight generally speaking. That’s hormonal! We’re estrogen dominant which makes us peaceful, chatty, and horny.

Robert Downey Jr.

The worst part is the social advantages. Everybody listens to a man speak his mind no matter what color his skin is, just because he’s a man! Men’s ideas, thoughts, inventions, writing, and words dominate our world. Watch the public panels and meetings, the powerful Congressional committees and the staff of most universities. They’re men. Even white women are below all men in the human caste system. ALL men, every creed, color, intelligence level, criminal or not are listened to and taken more seriously than any woman by virtue of their gender. Well, gender is not a virtue; it’s just a biological difference.

There are many brilliant women on the planet of every creed and color and our ideas and writing need to be acknowledged if they’re good. But can anyone hear a woman’s ideas as good or will their bias always get in the way or her looks be too distracting for you to listen to her? All of our minds have been brainwashed to objectify women. Women especially do it to each other.

If a woman has a bigger brain than boobs in our patriarchal system, she doesn’t have as much power. Who is more famous; Stormy Daniels or Camille Paglia? “Who is Camille Paglia?”, you all say. Exactly.

She’s a brilliant writer and equity feminist that refuses to have sex with men and roots for their just treatment as much as women. I agree with her. Stormy Daniels is a huge chested porn star that had a liaison with Donald Trump, but she’s on the news all the time. The whole world knows who she is.

I’ve got my inner work cut out for me on this one. Jealously is a terrible trait that can only be turned by applying love. I’m not there yet.

gorgeous pic

 

Curtains


curtains at Moms

I was just visiting my Mom last week for Thanksgiving and was excited to see her new house. She has an extra room where I slept for three days.

I walked in…and the curtains on the windows were exactly the same print as the curtains on the front windows of my Twin Flame’s house in California. As you may recall I visited there two months ago, meeting him for the first time. We just hung out. I even remember photographically etching the pattern in my mind as though something was unconsciously telling me to remember the pattern. I specifically “noted” his curtains.

I was aghast and told my Mom as she helped me bring my things in. She said, “That’s impossible. I just picked those up at a garage sale at the old place where I used to live.”

“Mom, it’s the same pattern. Oh my gosh.” What is the meaning of that?

curtains 2 at Mom's

When you’ve met your Twin Flame, all kinds of crazy synchronicities happen to stimulate the release of your self-identification with the subconscious mind. As I’ve said on here before, the subconscious is our GPS system given to us by our birth family, imprinted irrevocably on our minds by our mother between in utero to about age six.

Ok, so, this is my Mother’s room! She picked out the curtains. I guess the question is, who picked out the curtains on the front windows of his house?

The talking to I got from my spiritual guidance team yesterday was, “The two of you have work to do and need to get cracking! Move your vibe to warmth, faith, and love and release fear, the past, and negativity!” I’m stubborn-seriously- and fairly cynical about this planet so they have a hard time with me. Especially with regard to men, I know I really need to get over it. My readers may agree.

That is what meeting your Twin Flame is about. Your male and female selves become ONE and there is no more subconscious conflict. You both are individuated adults, no longer sitting in emotional choices programmed by your mother. It’s not for everyone but if you have been called to the Twin Flame journey there are major revelations about who you are and who you are not.

When I finally realize that my mother’s projections onto me do not define who I am, it’s “curtains” for my subconscious mind and hopefully that of my twin flame as well. Then we can be together without fear or resistance but love instead. A reminder here; Twin Flame relationships are spiritual and don’t necessarily translate into living in partnership or romance. Many times the mirroring is a bit too intense for the physical dimension. We’ll see.

 

 

 

Stretched


Wanting more, doing with less,

My mind is stretched past the sun into an abysmal, contorted, apperception too fractured and repetitive to mean what it used to mean.

Meaning is obfuscated because every day I’m in this…protoplasm of lust, whose hands and heartbeats with loving passion, not appetite.

And where am I to go in this quiescent swamp to be fed, nourished, and watered when my mouth can barely open with lips so cracked from the sun that they are silent with the sound that says nothing.

No one really knows me. Only my fingers stretch on the keys to refract a sliver of my pneuma that is groping to be relevant in a world that just needs to…

Ball up, contract, relax and breathe instead of stretching to be noticed by people who don’t even notice the miracle of their own respiring.

shaman-hands-over-sun

It’s Nice to Have Someone to Come Home To


We hear people say this all the time, I suppose especially during the holidays. However, I was just out of town at my Mom’s for five days and I was thrilled to come home to the sanctuary I’ve created. I live alone, happily, and my business is here. I’m a quiet meditative person that loves to write and read. It fills me up constantly.

I am someone. I have a full life, enjoy my own company and I’m busy as much as I want to be. I did come home to someone; myself. Some people don’t need a mate to be content.

Winter Scenes in Moonlight

Marketing to Women


Woman’s Day magazine, in retrospect, is going to go down in history to be as puerile, provincial, and trivial as the ads for toasters, cars, and bras for women in the 1950’s. They send me this rag free in the mail because I have a business. Occasionally I flip through it to get a laugh and I saw this.

The ad on the left is for a fake butter product. They’re making it analogous to a long-term relationship. The ingredients in “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” are purified water, soybean oil, palm kernel oil, palm oil, salt, soy lecithin, natural flavors, vinegar, Vitamin A Palmitate, and beta-Carotene (for color). Jul 25, 2017

Soybean oil is very bad for you and in most processed foods and fast foods. Since it is so high in easily oxidizable omega-6, it’s a poor cooking oil choice. This article takes a look at eight harmful effects of soybean oil backed by scientific research. I’m pretty sure palm oil is no better.

Soybean oil

Given all of that, I agree that it’s analogous to a long-term relationship which is a statistical misnomer. The only long-term relationships that lasted from the old days were anchored in the couples subconscious minds by their birth family. God only knows what kind of marriage that was; probably more like comfy brother and sister than hot, novel lovers from different tribes. Most marriages are lucky to last 10-11 years, long enough to raise the kids a little over halfway and not kill each other. All the romantic hype around marriage is romantic fantasy and like fake butter, it’s bad for you! I think most people would agree that it’s not good for human beings to live with the same person for too long. It’s celebrated because people are afraid of great sex actually changing them spiritually.

When a person finally understands and embraces their body and emotions there is nothing greater or more powerful on the planet. It can change the world. The governments and the religions all know that which is why they sell us the awful healthcare system we have, obsession with a fitness regimen instead of health in balance and moderate treats, and dogmatic religions that demonize the body and nature that espouse abstinence and deprivation and promote “I Can’t Believe They Call This Shit Butter” long-term relationships.

We’re getting into the gray area here between this black and white ad. The implied assumption being, long-term is white, like a wedding dress on the right and black, like a classy little black dress is on the left. Neither one is accurate and the butter side verges on slut-shaming.

Who doesn’t love butter?! Butter is real. A bit of butter in your diet is good for your skin. There is one ingredient in butter; milkfat and man is it good! I just used 2 sticks of butter to make a shortbread crust for an apple tart and it turned out smashing! The puns are coming fast and furious here; tart, shortbread, fast, furious. Sounds like great sex to me.

There are only 34 calories in a teaspoon of butter and when added to fresh bread, it is pure joy. There is no other substitute for it if you’re making sugar cookie cutouts for a holiday for people you actually love. The key is moderation. Don’t eat the entire apple tart with shortbread crust or ten cookies.

The same goes for your relationships. Don’t have sex with a new partner every night. That would be too many one night stands, but I don’t know anyone who does that. There is nothing unhealthy or wrong about having a lover or a boyfriend. I think it tastes the best and is the most realistic with regard to human nature. It’s also the truth!

Give me that butter any day. It is not a one-night stand. Looks like love to me; no possession but likely repeated as long as the recipe is right.

warm bread and butter

This is a Weird, Very Cool Booklet


 

The Role of Intuition In The Scientific Method

I found this paper by Dr. Smith synchronistically, being a bit obsessed with the conviction that the scientific method was missing its other half; intuition. The physics nomenclature was not completely foreign to me given that I am an office chair (armchair) student of physics and other sciences myself.  So, I did have fun with the bulk of the contents and view it as a hike up a science hill for a student. Bring your water bottle. Your gray cells will get a workout and I recommend it. It is for that reason I put key terms in bold and key ideas in italics.

Upon reading Dr. Smith’s biography in this booklet, you’ll see that he was a heavyweight in his era, 1934-1979 would be his approximate working time, but not as notable as his colleagues Van Allen and Allison. James Van Allen discovered the radiation belts around the earth.

I am grateful for having found this little piece of gold, for as much as I enjoy and respect the scientific method, I cannot relate to it nearly as much as I do intuition, dreaming, and the vast ocean of information in the unconscious mind which I have been aware of and lived in my entire life. It’s like breathing for me. My personal proclivity will be toward Axiology and the Behavioral Sciences as I move forward with my career.

All I ask from readers of this booklet and others is to keep an open mind and acknowledge that everyone has different experiences with information. We all deserve to be heard out; people who are very controlled in their thinking and people who are very intuitional in their thinking. The fact is, no one is right one-hundred percent of the time and you’d be committing hubris if you asserted it.  Dr. Smith, with all of his education and experience, comes to the conclusion that intuition is far more important in the scientific method than previously noted. For that, I am very grateful.

Please note Table 1 on page twenty-six.  I view the unity of these approaches as a holistic scientific method and wish for nothing less as we move forward forming our models of the universe.

Lisa K. Townsend, B.A., LMT