I Make My Bed

I make my bed as though someone other than me might want to lay on it to relax…

Doubtful.

Fans, fanatics, stalkers, jealous husbands, jealous siblings, errant preachers, starry-eyed parents, and students all seeking some higher bedding more like a cloud…nothing low to ground where I am.

Doubtful.
It’s so…fake.

“THIS is who you are”. “THIS is who you are”…”This is who you are” rings the cacophony.

I am not going to spend my last breath, defying all of you because you are surface dwellers; American Idol, Desperate Housewives watchers. Fantasy. I hate TV.

I’m glad my son can cry and be tired. It means he’s human. That’s all there is.

I’m glad I can kick my ex out of the house for insulting my talent. It means I’m human.
All I have is myself and time…

Let me divorce all that is not calm and in balance.
Ring out the true madness that jumps up…to lightness.
Jumps up…to levity
Jumps up…to where gravity is turned upside down.
My feet are my head. Who cares? Must we always walk?

I want to live in a dimension where upon meeting someone I like, I kiss them with ridiculous abandon.

©Lisa Townsend-2011


	

Compelled to Love

Why do you resist feeling compelled to love me?
I have never felt anything so strange in my life,
As though summer turned to winter or the countries
south of the equator were now north of the equator.
It’s unnatural and strange.

I feel compelled to love everyone I meet.
I don’t expect everyone to be that way
It’s just the way I’ve always been because
It feels natural to me.

Yet no matter how kind I am to you or how much
we have in common, you remain detached from me unlike at first.
You saw that you couldn’t control me and lost interest.
Or, I’m not supposed to be kind to a black sheep,
Which is what you’ve called yourself.

You love your little cocoon of darkness.
I think you’re attached to that cocoon and have built a habitual,
Impenetrable world around being a rebel, closed, badly behaved,
And throwing the finger up every chance you get
Just so you don’t have to do the work of defining yourself… yourself.
The family is in charge. That’s easier and boring.

Oh, and there is no God.
That’s easier too because then you have to
make everything happen alone and there are
no messy details about cooperating or being accountable.

It’s ultimately lazy not to love yourself and others
and instead, react to every damn thing you disagree
with, in middle age no less!
It’s actually downright repellent which is just what you want;
more hate which is the only thing you express about the world.

But those who agree with you or laud you get a big… pink… heart.
For that reason, I don’t want to agree with you.
The world would be a perfect place if you were in control, right?
You’re not in control. You don’t even control or like yourself.

No. I don’t respect you anymore because you don’t love anyone
that’s different than you yet you pretend you love justice.
It’s fake! You’re just full of bullshit no matter how smart you are.

I’m done.
And this time, I don’t feel compelled to love you…at all.
Does that make me a hater?
It feels like it.

I guess if we need someone to love us back,
It isn’t really love at all.
Only fully loving ourselves and others
Unconditionally is real love because the Source is inside.
I’m thinking we need to just do this compromised
level of love down here and lie about it,
Not the ideal one.

I may have to dumb it down this year and play along with indolence.
Just let myself be wrecked and keep writing
And let someone else try to love better than me. Good.
Let me just see if evil can win. That’s what everyone believes.
I’ll test it.

I’m pretty sure I’ll cry garbage on all the left-wing resistors
With their utopian fists in the air.
They’re no different than the right-wing who do the same thing;
Politics doesn’t fix anything.
It doesn’t seem like Love does either…
unless the majority are doing it.

But it might not be a quantity in numbers thing.
©Lisa K. Townsend, 4/16/2018

Let Your Heart Break

Why? Why should we let our hearts break?

Because the release of that hard emotion, the bitterness, the layers of cynicism and resentment of everyone who has ever wronged us, really badly on this dang planet where families are put on a pedestal and should not be, where marriage and love are put on a pedestal and should not, need to fall away so real love of who we are as infinite spirits can shine through. No one on this planet knows you as well as you know yourself so be your own best friend first.

I am no longer religious but I am spiritual 24/7 having walked, run, jogged, sauntered, you name it through life’s fires and have let my heart and body be broken to smithereens. It needs to happen so we are no longer ego-based, looking for affirmation, looking for our parents’ or partners approval, looking to please even some “God” who religions teach have these rules and hoops to jump from a book we have to agree with. That’s all incorrect.

The human body, the brain, the mind needs a challenge to grow. What most people call faith or belief is just intuition combined with a rational explanation. Christianity, in particular, has plenty of rational explanations for its tenets despite naysayers but then it falls off the wagon mistaking faith for intuition. Faith sounds brainless for people of rational reasoning ability, for good reason! Their faith makes them denounce Science!  What? That’s nuts. But Science asks people to deny what they feel and know, what their intuition tells them. What? That’s nuts.

What both scientists and people who sense, feel, dream, and know by intuition or faith have in common is pride, an ego and a sense of self or dignity. They want to be right, to be heard, not made fun of and taken seriously. Well, the people who think they’re more right than wrong don’t seem to know that hardly any human being on this planet is right about anything. It’s mostly a crap shoot. Humans need to be loved, heard, and validated. It’s like a baby crying for attention.

When your heart finally breaks and you grow up, what you really want to do is give all living things as much attention as you can. You no longer need to receive it as much because you love and take care of yourself. The desire to give to all of life, humans, children, animals and the earth overflows within you because you finally feel that you’ve been given the gift of life yourself for a short time on earth, it’s IN you, and you’re going to share what you’ve got going on. So let your heart break open so it can heal. That’s the whole point of being human, and it doesn’t last long so revel in it.

April showers

 

 

 

The Anima and The Animus

I’ve always been fascinated by the inner male inside the female (animus) and the inner female inside the male (anima). The terms were coined by the psychologist C.G. Jung.  It seems to me that humans intuitively know we each have those energies as part of our identity to some degree without over-analyzing it. Women and men are both female and male! It’s one of the reasons that the homosexual lifestyle really doesn’t bother most Americans. A Pew Research poll taken in 2017 showed that 62% of Americans support same-sex marriage. We all know that we’re learning about our bodies and our feelings whether we’re attracted to female or male at one time or another.  It’s no big deal as long as you’re honest with yourself in the midst of it and are careful of children’s attachment to parents.

I’m a trained actor with a degree in it, so I know how to have almost instant access to a wide range of emotions, and tears are super easy for me. I spent two years learning how to do that. But I much prefer laughter and happiness as part of my natural personality. Yet when I cry, it feels like a cry for the animus, the male in me that stomps all over my receptive female. My receptive female, all receptive females are beautiful. She is the bearer and producer of life after all. But is she loved and cared for safely the way she should be? Or must she always stroke the male ego to be loved, even if his behavior doesn’t call for it? If love from her partner is conditional based on size and behavior, he cannot say he loves her.  All humans go through hard patches where our self-esteem is bottomed out.  If someone really loves you, and has seen and knows that you have it in you to eventually come out of it, they’ll stay by your side, not bolt.

My experience and intuition tell me that it’s not terribly safe to be an open, loving, female in our society. Most women I know have developed serious defenses now and will even aggressively act out because there is no real equity and heaping amounts of bias based on gender! It’s very similar to unarmed black men being gunned down by police. It’s appalling and tragic!! Women are at about the same level and I’m guessing the stats regarding violence toward women would show this to be true.

Over fifty-four years I’ve maximized my intellect with education, developed firm boundaries in the public workplace (which doesn’t seem to make any difference), insisted on being treated with respect (sometimes it works), focused on my behavior more than my looks (rarely works), and become very focused and skilled in my work. Guys don’t like it. Once I hit my thirties, I learned how to be assertive and opinionated as well. The other thing that goes on is that as a pretty white woman, I feel no obligation to maximize my looks to feed patriarchal bullshit and make myself superficial to manipulate the system. I feel more powerful sitting in my authenticity. Women that aren’t as pretty compete with me or make sure I keep a distance from the man they’re pursuing (so weird) when I’m not even looking. We are so programmed to believe that survival in this planet depends on finding “our level” as prescribed by the institutions and the media that we don’t even know we’re doing it!

It’s not working. I’m still seen as a girl and treated like a girl. No matter how “male” a woman learns to act in public or how many letters she has behind her name with a high I.Q., she’s still paid less than a man and treated like her first order of business is to give something of herself to a man or his system for his consumption. I would never get a sex change operation just so I’d have more money for security but it seems like that extreme could be called for. It’s not unlike MJ bleaching his skin to appear more white. That’s how bad our society is for anyone who is not a white male.

Thank goodness I really love my work and do it very well because of all of my dedication and accomplishment. I work with the Universe who always has my back on this rough planet. If it weren’t for my intuition and rational mind guiding me, I’d probably be dead. I very much want to be alive so it’s a good thing.

Can Your Reasonable Intention Change the Numbers?

The foundation theme for this blog is:

“The balance between rational analysis and intuition create True Reason. One cannot exist or be fully accurate without the other.”-Me

We need to correct the current scientific bias that favors rational analysis over intuition which is why science is currently in a misogynistic black hole (no pun intended). There is a need for both women and men balanced in both their intuitive and rational mind working in the sciences.

Some analogies could be the balance of female/male principle and the balance of right and left brain hemispheres in each individual that takes us beyond the current evolutionary condition. Maybe an individual is dominant in one or the other but a truly reasonable person is balanced in both. I suppose this alone is a new notion and it is my theory. I didn’t read it anywhere. To me, it is logical.

My question is; “Can reasonable, personal intention change the numbers?”

Quantum mechanics says that it can. A thing can change it’s form and vibration if not it’s essential essence. For instance, the number two is always the number two, but it may look and feel different than it ever did before due to evolutionary adaptation.

1920px-Circles_packed_in_square_2.svg

500px-delboeuf_illusion

Rupert Sheldrake suggests, “Things have habits, they are not fixed by natural laws. Men make laws, nature doesn’t. The cosmos now seems more like a developing organism than an eternal machine. In this context, habits may be more natural than immutable laws.

Say you follow your GPS and get to the right place you programmed into your GPS but once you get there, you see that it’s completely changed its form and feel. It’s so different that you question whether you are in the right place and check your instruments. It is indeed the right place but it’s not the SAME place. Nothing and no one stays the same even though the address is the same.

A person may be the same height and look generally the same but if they have gone through a spiritually and emotionally life-changing event they may seem like a completely different person when you meet them again. This is unusual but it does happen.

It is entertaining to me to observe that after a woman loses weight most people treat her completely different as though she’s a different person just because she’s smaller. She’s not a different person, she’s a different size! I’ve talked to women friends who were quite large and then shrank and they are disgusted at how nice people are to them all of a sudden, as though their very character changed and they are now of more value and no longer some type of criminal because they are no longer large. This type of size bias is very indicative of the superficial values embedded in our materialistic, media-driven culture that rides on the objectification and over-sexualization of women. The assumption is, a smaller woman is more desirable sexually or more skilled sexually. None of that is true at all obviously. Studies have been done showing that doctors are size biased as well toward patients and make assumptions about health that don’t hold up in studies.

In answer to my question, yes the numbers can change but the sums cannot. How that looks is another matter. 2 + 2= 4 is always true and is very comforting but the way that looks in form is completely variable and sometimes you won’t think it’s math at all. That’s where physics can be of help.

The next idea I’ll be looking at is my theory that there are introspective controls possible in axiology that minimize ambiguity and variance so that something, someone, or some relationship can be studied and stabilized. I’ll be coming up with axioms to demonstrate it in relation to Time Science.

Peace out.

Women and Men Express Love Differently

I’ve noticed on FB threads and my blogs that women like to hear my thoughts far more than men. Men want us to be quiet. That doesn’t mean we’re going to be but I’m approaching it from a biological brain difference. Men can only take so much talking.  Most women can’t get enough. Over twenty years I’ve observed the energy and bodies of men and women and found that women need to talk but men don’t usually want to listen or talk. Hopefully, if your man does need to talk, he knows he can talk to you and you’ll be understanding. That should be reciprocated on occasion.
Men literally need our bodies or body language to communicate to us. We need their love (male heart vibe). So, men express love physically, not verbally. Women express love mentally and emotionally because that’s what we each need. Men live in their minds with each other. Women live in their bodies with each other and it can be overkill either way.😌 I think that’s part of why humans tend to be heterosexual (male and female living together). I know I couldn’t handle living with a woman, sex or no sex. I’m woman enough for myself.
Do women hear men’s silent body language to us or do we assume it’s shallow objectification? Do men hear a woman’s feelings in her tone of voice and writing or do they just hear static blather? Sometimes neither one of us is listening but judging by our own bias instead.

The Source of Intuition

 

“…cognitive scientists think of intuition as a set of unconscious cognitive and affective processes; the outcome of these processes is often difficult to articulate and is not based on deliberate thinking, but it’s real and (sometimes) effective nonetheless.”-Maria Popova on “Brain Pickings”

Cognitive Scientists think of…That doesn’t sound very convincing. The link to a study below is more convincing but the fact that the study focused on genetics makes it very narrow due to the fact that only 2% of human genes are different from one another caused by slight differences in our birth family. When science tries to objectify anything based on the genome, it’s shooting in the dark because they can’t read 98% of it. It’s like science is smoke and mirrors sometimes. They don’t know what it says but they aren’t widely admitting it in public. They just called it “junk DNA”. They’re essentially saying, “Well, we don’t know what it is so it’s just junk to us”. It protects their egos.

Come to think of it, it’s similar to the way male scientists treat women. They don’t understand women, their natures, their beauty, their brilliance, their needs and intuition and thus can’t control us. Consequently, we are objectified and thrown to the curb as “junk” instead of treasured and loved when it suits their ego or performance needs.

Women came out far more accurate at just being able to look at someone and accurately tell what they were feeling. That has been my experience in clinical practice as well over sixteen years. In this study, we have the scientific method, worshipped by males mostly (women use it too obviously but we find it slow moving), proving the fact of intuition.

Intuition study of 90,000 people

Moreover, intuitions get better with practice — especially with a lot of practice — because at bottom intuition is about the brain’s ability to pick up on certain recurring patterns; the more we are exposed to a particular domain of activity the more familiar we become with the relevant patterns (medical charts, positions of chess pieces), and the more and faster our brains generate heuristic solutions to the problem we happen to be facing within that domain.”-Maria Popova, Brain Pickings

Next time a woman next to you says, “It’s women’s intuition” you need to believe her.  Or, if you’re a woman, trust your own intuition, especially with your children and your own body.  It’s backed up by science if you think that somehow makes it more worthy.

Paige Bradley-spring

Artist Paige Bradley

Reality and Knowledge Considered As Process-David Bohm

Thoughts from “Wholeness and the Implicate Order”-Chapter 3

Not only is everything changing but all is flux“-David Bohm

I feel, from reading in this pool of information and authors that it is a deep well of perception where our differences could create stress amongst each other or lack of respect. There are not very many scientists, lightworkers, healers, cosmologists, writers and artists who are passionate about the new paradigm in science, healthcare, or spirituality. Most people go along with the way things are to keep it all level. It’s human habit. There might be only thousands of us on the planet out of billions of human beings who look to shake things up. Sometimes it’s lonely out on the leading edge, and no one cares or understands what we’re talking about. All we have are each other.

Yet, if we can keep discussing these ideas, the meanings of our terms, our intuitions about the holonomic movement as perceived through gender and in our bodies without judgment or emotional bias, we can share. It is about stimulating ideas and how to communicate this truth to the larger world without getting thrown against a wall for expressing ourselves in our unique perceptions. We all have feelings.

Let’s not tear one another apart under the stress of being different or not understanding each other. Reality is not defined by one person. Knowledge is not defined by one person and no one person has a fence around this territory.  Someone said, “Fences make good neighbors” but in metaphysics and holonomic movement, we could keep our friends close, agree to discuss in a civil manner and include women as friends in the conversation with men. Infighting is bad marketing. A lack of empathy and cooperation is worse.

So, in that spirit, David Bohm says reality and knowledge are processes. In other words, they are verbs, not static nouns. This could be very upsetting to some thinkers who want to have a corner on the truth to feel more comfortable, to compete, or to feel right. That ego is one of man’s greatest defenses to his most vulnerable spot; his heart. Women understand.

Our intuition tells us that all of Life flows. Change in Life is inherent and it’s obvious to all observers. Consequently, our language and civilization structures need to be flexible so that we can adapt and not break. This is the lesson of evolution, not just survival. Science tells us we can use our thoughts to focus and make choices and decisions so that our lives aren’t blown by the wind or dictated by fate. “Now let’s think about this before we make a rash decision!” is what we hear. Look before you leap, but let’s still get moving; especially if your intuition says, “Let’s go!”

Bohm is going a step into the netherworld in this chapter though. He is saying that science, quantum physics, in particular, have found that mind and matter are not solid, not real, and as shown in experiments, are in flux. The flux IS the ground.  What they cannot find is the Source of intelligence. They can watch thought happen in the material brain but where it the thought coming from? Intelligence; and there the trail ends in science.

You can go to bed tonight thinking about the fact that reality and knowledge are in flux, they are not pinned down and no one has a corner on the truth no matter what you “think” you see.

earth magnetic portals - hidden

 

 

Alone/lonely

via Alone/lonely

I was just inspired by Cristian Mihai’s most recent blog today about being alone. I shared the link above. Please read it if you have not. I actually just blogged on “I’m Alone Now” just a week or so ago too because my nineteen-year-old son just left the house.

I told Cristian that I related exactly to about eighty-percent of how he feels and I’m guessing many writers on here are introverts and love to be alone. But for me, it’s very positive. I never feel lonely. In fact, I wish I had longer streams of time, undisturbed alone to read, think and write. I’m still very busy in my home and have a small holistic business here so people are in and out. That may be part of it, I’m not sure.

I paused when Cristian wrote, “You can’t change how you feel”. Long pause. “Hmmm.” “No, he’s right.” I thought. “Feelings are organic. They just come up.” We all know that and it’s part of what makes us writers. But I have a physical process I go through that I want to share that turns my tears, worry, anxiety, sadness, the concern that comes up organically into feeling better.

I observe my breath. In and out. It is MY breath in MY body. I have complete control over how my breathing feels and how I allow my breath to reach my organs. I envision my blood pulsing through me. It feels very warm and loving. I relax my feet and make sure they are planted on the ground. I relax my legs. As a writer, I find immense joy and gratitude in feeling my brain and eyes process like a computer, my thoughts and then how my hands type. Then I stop and observe my breathing again. I am alive. I knew once and can remember what it felt like when I was almost dead in 1996 the day before my birthday when I had an ectopic pregnancy. I have this day, this time to keep learning and processing my journey in my body that no one else can control. I have control over this process and this moment.

So, I guess my technique is grounding. Think of a two-pronged plug that you put into a grounded wall socket. The two prongs are your legs and the electrical outlet is the ground; the Earth. When you inhabit and are mindful of your physical process, the chaotic, mean, death-riddled, unloving world can swirl around you unhindered. You have no control over any of them or their events. But you do have total, unequivocal control over tuning into YOUR BODY, plugging it in and turning it on and observing how each part of your body feels, not just the thoughts and emotions you tend to be running that day based on events, either theirs or yours.

I love my body so much for having its own balanced process that literally guides me and grounds me each day. Of course, I honor my heart, which has its organic emotional flow, but it…is…fickle. The heart is fickle!! At least mine is. Of course, I honor my thought processes. The brain/mind is amazing in its ability to digest and process information but the eyes only see what is visible, right in front of it in the light and believe only what it sees. The eyes only see ILLUSION and then your mind tells you it’s real. It’s a pretty good magic trick. The heart only feels immediate feelings and tell you they are real.

The body doesn’t lie. Your breath doesn’t lie. Just as sure as the trees know exactly how deep to push their roots, reach up with their branches, leaf out, drop their leaves and blow in a storm, so your body also has billions of years of DNA in evolution and it knows exactly…what to do. The same is true for all of nature from season to season. Nature is the truth and Life itself.

Our health care system, our society, our media, and our civilization would take that grounding, the Earth life force, Gaia in all of her eternal ways and consciousness and tell her who she is and when to do it, as though she were a little girl. They would control that vital physical knowledge for themselves, hijack it from you and tell the daughters and sons of the Earth that they know your body better. They don’t. It’s your body, your truth, your power and your reason for being on the planet. Let the wisdom and rhythm of your body guide your heart and mind and you will be in a safe harbor while you live no matter what your heart and mind “see”.

Our bodies are ancient and universal and intimately tied to everything on the planet. We are gods and goddesses in all different forms dancing our way through time and eternity just for the sheer experience of it. Our in-breath and out-breath prove it.

freedom-bound-qtr-1@2x

Freedom Bound by Sculptor Paige Bradley, http://paigebradley.com

Intuition and Scientific Discovery

Einstein said:

“The only real valuable thing is intuition.

“The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it Intuition or what you will, the solution comes to you and you don’t know how or why”.

Intuition and intellect really are inseparable. It is true that all human beings have a certain amount of gut feeling and animal intuition.  There is nothing extraordinary about everyday intuition. But for those who are well-read, intellectual, are able to problem solve and analyze data, the brain/mind is changed.  Consequently, the intuition is raised along with it. The two work concurrently.

So it is with scientists who read, write, study, across disciplines, across authors, that the ability to coalesce information and come up with a new hypothesis or theory can lead to breakthrough ideas. I believe this is the case for women or for men. Here is an example of science and intuition working together;

A well-documented case of intuition concerns Frederick Kekule’s (1829 – 1896) discovery of the structure of benzene.  Kekule saw the answer in a dream of a snake coiled and biting its tail.  In an intuitive flash, he realized that the molecular structure was characterized by a ring of carbon atoms.  Benzene is a 6 carbon ringed compound with 6 hydrogen atoms with the carbon-carbon bonds arranged alternately single and double. This discovery opened the way to modern theories of organic chemistry.

Kekule wrote about his dream in his diary.”I was sitting writing on my textbook, but the work did not progress; my thoughts were elsewhere.  I turned my chair to the fire and dozed. Again the atoms were jumbling before my eyes.  This time the smaller groups kept modestly in the background. My mental eye, rendered more acute by the repeated visions of the kind, could now distinguish larger structures of manifold conformation; long rows sometimes more closely fitted together all twining and twisting in snake-like motion.  But look! What was that?  One of the snakes had seized hold of its own tail, and the form whirled mockingly before my eyes.  As if by a flash of lightning I awoke…”.

The archetype of the snake coiled and biting its tail is the Ouroboros. It originated in ancient Egypt through a magical tradition that led it to be associated with alchemy, the science of turning base metals into gold. It symbolizes eternity or the continuation of nature re-creating itself. It is essentially the world serpent which is an ancient archetype of the natural cycles of the Earth, life and death, the alpha, and omega.

Remember that before there was science there was magic. Or…magic has just always been, a force of nature, not something unusual. To understand and control nature/magic, the human institutions of Religion and State were created. So far, they are failing at doing a very good job of it.

Science has taken magic and turned it into forms, technology, medicines and seeks to control these forces for the so-called advancement of civilization. Religion has codified and edited its books and called them holy to hit people over the head with. Religion’s main contribution has been to convince humans that sex is bad, their bodies are bad and we should not be attached to either; especially since that would make us too happy and then we wouldn’t be obedient to our betters. What is civilization but greed and money used to control humans and enslave them for the upper classes?

We know nature is the most powerful and will eventually win out as it always does but in the meantime when we speak of intuition and science as different, the fact is, they are two sides of the same coin. NATURE is what our ancestors called magic simply because they didn’t understand how it worked. We are still working on that. While doing so, it’s important to keep in mind that one is not better than the other.

Ouroboros