One more Thing About Anxiety…

I didn’t say this because it’s totally taboo and freaks people out, especially religious. And I’ve never said this on here.

WE are God or Source, EMBODIED. YOU are God. God is love, NOT control. This is a free will universe of choices. Every great teacher and Master has said it and been ignored. Jesus even said, “The Spirit of God is within you. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.”Well, your BLOOD AND GUTS are in you too. Whatever is IN YOU is what you are unless it’s meant to come out, like defecation or birthing a baby.

Birthing a baby is a great example of Source and us. Ask any mother and they will tell you that not in a bazillion years can they ever feel separate from their child, even though our sick patriarchal society does it damdest to separate parents from children by blowing them up in war, indoctrination in schools, sexual perversity, etc. Parents always love their children, and God birthed us and all creation into being.

Humans are full of longing to love and be loved, but it starts in you for yourself with Source. But this planet isn’t normal! We can barely have normal human lives here, struggling for fresh water, food and air, BASIC things we need! But we have free will and need to get rid of these leaders ourselves. It’s not going to be done for us. We did a good job busting their chops over Covid. Now we need to bust government and money chops.

Don’t blame yourself for how hard this planet is. Humans are fabulous and loved by stellar species. It’s the elite. They are way off and need to leave the planet so we can go our own way.

So do realize that Source’s only way to experience embodiment is THROUGH US. It is a type of longing, the way a parent or lover longs for their child or love. We long for Source and SOURCE LONGS FOR US! We are adored. We are not worms, ants, or insects, although they are cared for too. We are children of Source. We are Source and Source is US.

It’s a big secret.💞💕🩷❤️

Prose; Adoration Be Damned

Here is some of my prose from last year. Have a great weekend!

I’m stalking a case for spring in the autumn of my middle age. My assembled energy is diametrically opposite that of needing the validation of an amassed group of imposters pretending to agree so they can drink together later. It’s not that I don’t like the group, or that I don’t occasionally have a very […]

Prose; Adoration Be Damned

Intimacy; Panicdemic

…because a panicdemic isn’t exactly an inspiration to intimacy.

IT’S A DIFFERENT WORLD SINCE I LAST REALLY POSTED ANYTHING!

I’m just going to say it. If you’re well and have faith in your immune system, know that you make antibodies as everyone does and feel like you can walk above the Fear Fray, HAVE SEX!

I’m above the fear fray. I’m incapable of following the crowd on this. Literally. I watch NO T.V. Because I know better. Being holistic, I know the facts about the body and take care of myself.  I don’t rely on doctors and their pills. I use herbs and take Chinese anti-viral herbs that make it impossible for a virus to go into your lungs. YEAH, THEY SHOULD BE ALL OVER THE HOSPITAL but there is no way Big Pharma would let Chinese herbs that work in there, even if they can save lives.

Being who I am, I know how to pretend I’m complying and then do the little actions and use the little wipes, hand washing like it’s a religion, social distancing, blah, blah, blah that everyone thinks is SO powerful and make my office smell like Lysol which is actually not good for us. I actually do it, probably more than the fear people because I coddle the fearful people too much. I feel sorry for them having no faith whatsoever in their bodies.

It’s because they THINK THAT and FEEL that that gives it power. I feel it already without the little anti-microbial everything. Someone do me and people LIKE ME a favor and have a better understanding of how your body really works and some FAITH in your very powerful immune system. We never get that satisfaction. We just get to see darting eyes behind and mask and FEAR oozing out of every part of your body while you walk really fast from the grocery store. Do you know how TOXIC that is?

This whole thing is killing intimacy of any kind and sex and I find it very, very sinister to the social fabric of humanity. We’ll see if they really intend to open up normal movement again. Just start doing it yourself quietly. If everyone does without making a fuss then who is going to stop them?

What is intimate is the virus itself. It’s microscopic folks. It’s smaller than any moisture cells that come out of your mouth during a sneeze. The mask everyone is making like Betsy Ross made the flag aren’t helping with anything. If you sneeze, the microscopic virus goes right through the fibers of the mask. Outside particles in the air go right into and through because they’re microscopic. The only mask that stops it is N95 and I have one. A healthcare worker gave it to me so I could work on her. It’s asphyxiating meaning it works to keep out the virus. Oxygen can barely get in which means nothing in the air is getting in. That’s how you know it works. And you could faint wearing it. So the masks that do work don’t allow you to breathe. There’s a quick death. The whole mask issue is one of psychological false sense of security. If your vibe is full of fear you weaken your immune system.

Anyway…your mind (thoughts and feelings) control your immune system. There are all kinds of nasties, every day of your life in your body that if multiplied, would kill you quickly. Mammals are full of destructive microbes! All the time! We don’t die because our immune systems are 1 million years old of brilliant and are on vigilant guard and go after anything that gets out of line UNLESS, we tell them to stand down and let the killing begin. Meaning, you, the host, feel weak and sad and want to die. That doesn’t usually happen but this would be a good time to split if you felt like it. No one would question you, no hassle. The virus would be blamed, you would not be.

I feel the lack of intimacy and socializing is worse for people than the virus. We are meant to be together. This distrust of our bodies and the immune system is nonsense. That said if you feel weak and full of fear you should stay home because your vibe is toxic. Maybe not just now but all the time. You’ve got some meditating to do and choices to make about your relationship with Life.

Intimacy; Familiar Lover

aerial photography of water beside forest during golden hour
Photo by Sindre Strøm on Pexels.com

It’s so much easier to melt into your warm flesh because I know how you smell and your voice.

It’s just the nurturing comfort I need right now but you won’t kiss me as you did before.

Something is distinctly unfamiliar…

You feel different in my bed, humidity on a dry, cold, windy day when the sun is loitering in the sky rather than actually warming things up.

You’re a woke soul, a man not a boy with your dreams doing cartwheels.

It’s not love, it’s familiarity which so many humans mistakenly wrap their arms around in tribal joy.

No doubt, what is familiar today will change tomorrow and that intrepid fact is forever familiar all around us.

Intimacy; Gray Area Between Relationship and Hookup?

I have to admit, if I’m not looking for a committed relationship with a man I don’t pay much attention to personality. I’m looking for an attraction for sex or a lover. Men are no different from women.

Having touch and sex is a health issue. We all need it! I’m not throwing guilt in there but I do notice that the emotional detachment with a man turns me off no matter how hot he is. I appreciate the beauty of a man though just as much as men do with women. Yet, it’s not even close to being like love.

Things get tricky when a man is your friend and you have things in common and have known each other for a while. If he has a disposable hookup habit with women who are not friends how will he handle sex with a friend? Another notch only meaner? He gets double points for disposing of a female friend? Ultimately, she’s only a woman and nothing stops him from devouring as much as he can for free.

Being women, we do have the ability to make a man fall in love with us by loving him from the heart, talking to him, and being irresistibly sexy even while we’re free spirits and have no intention of having him on a hook. Personally, I have no desire for a man around just as I have no pet in the house. I’m busy with the work I love. But I’m not sure I want the burden of a man in love with me to weigh me down.

I think you have to be ready to lose the friendship on the sex altar. It happens on the attraction and flirting altar too. That just ended one of my friendships. We didn’t even have sex but we may as well have because the energy and affection were there…then it left. It was his doing because he decided to hook up with someone else much easier to handle, blonder, and more tattooed likely with piercings in all the gross places. Lol. She was his level.

There is a gray area in there somewhere. I just haven’t found the sweet spot. Que sera sera.

 

 

 

 

Intimacy; Hip to Be a Ho?

It’s all socially permissible and fine for women and men to be promiscuous now. Everything has changed in the last few years. I include men in the Ho category. In fact they seem to feel privileged to be so detached. I find that doubtful.

Women my age are as hot as ever and the younger men like us because we’re more skilled and can’t get pregnant. Add to that we know what food to eat so our body fluids are tasty. That’s not something most younger women think about because they assume their pheremones have their sexual superiority to us all tied up in a pretty bow.

My generation was not raised to feel perfectly fine about pure sex with no love and I still don’t. But it’s not a happy thing for a woman to go so long without sex that she starts to tighten up to the point of re-virginization. It makes intercourse painful.

The problem there is, as all women know, you could wait forever and slowly become a nun before you find a man with an open heart, emotional skills and capable of intimacy who actually loves you. A woman could easily get stuck hanging out with her gay boyfriend and gay husband like Stanny was to Carrie on “Sex in the City”. Remember how long Carrie had to wait for Big to really love her and then marry her?

So, mainly for health reasons, women and men become Ho’s and have sex outside of love, commitment, and a relationship most of the time. I’m not judging it. I just did it and I wasn’t turned on at all. I walked into the kitchen and said to myself, “I have to live with myself. This is the way I am,” meaning I don’t get turned on unless there is some love and affection, kissing, and matching vibe. I’ve never been superficial or very promiscuous.

Mind you, this man was 6’2″, his body was not just a 10 but more like a 12, perfect manhood, knew what he was doing, brought me coffee and muffin and had luscious lips. And he enjoyed my body and said so! I love my body too. So what! I don’t need his approval.

Nothing. I felt nothing. He was the most detached lover I’ve ever had and I felt sorry for him. He may have actually been a professional because he had the looks and the skill.

I’d rather be celibate. There is nothing I hate more than a man who is hot and utterly emotionally uninvolved with me. This is all feels unfair. If I don’t want my womanhood to close up I have to resort to non-bonded sex with someone I barely know? No. Do you know how many dumb dates I’ve had with trolls? Why can’t men open their hearts more and get with the program? “Ho ho ho” and it’s not even Christmas.

Intimacy; You’re not necessarily in a relationship just because you have sex.

just friends

 

What I’m seeing men do is, instead of doing a series of hook-ups, they decide to be monogamous with one woman. Then the assumption is that is a relationship. No, it’s not; not if you don’t have feelings for one another. It’s just an ongoing hookup which is not a relationship.

You’re in a relationship if you have an ongoing friendship, you care about one another, and you hang out and go out, you love talking to one another, you help each other out sometimes and you eat together. That might include sex, it might not. It might be intermittent sex or not. The man or woman’s sexual behavior does not define the parameters of what a relationship is.

It’s time for women to step up and speak up! We need to accept that sexual communication IS a relationship to men and they don’t understand anything much deeper or how to go about it. Women understand emotions and bonding moreso and absolutely need to mix that in with the sex. But we still should not let the man say, “We had sex so you’re my territory.” Maybe you’re just dating. Sex is just part of dating.

Women are territorial sexually as well but my point is, the emotional friendship bond is what really creates an ongoing relationship; not sex. That should be perfectly obvious given how many people have hook-ups and it means nothing. For that matter, sex doesn’t define marriage either.

Re-Program Intimacy; How Do We Move From Lust to Love?

Do you know the difference between lust and love? I’ll go with the hard one first; Love. Love is when you want to take time to really know someone, to care about how they feel, what they need and what makes them tick. You want to be their friend. The problem here is friendship usually turns guys off because they want to get kinky and nasty with their fantasy brains too much. Sometimes women do too. That can get mean which I don’t feel is part of friendship.

Friendship is the basis of all lasting, lusty, good relationships. It takes time and maturity to grow. Lust is everything else. Anything that’s not love is lust. Lust is the emotion behind most human interactions and has the face of greed, trolling on Facebook, offloading on strangers and the like. If you have no foundation of care and face-to-face friendship with someone you are indulging in instant gratification lust and there is nothing loving about it.

This issue has been challenging for me. I’m a very passionate, physical woman and have no problem lusting after men who are very attractive to me. I don’t act on it; it’s just fun. My personality and values are all about love. There isn’t really any other material thing I lust after; unless I’m really hungry. then I lust after food.

That’s a good segue because food hunger is almost exactly like sex hunger in the brain. And notice how many people overeat when they just need some love, affection, and sex. We’re looking for a serotonin spike and some other juicy brain chemicals that make us happy. I know I am. Food doesn’t come close to making me happy the way intimacy and love does. I don’t even like bothering to stop and fix food because I’m busy with my projects, writing, chores, things I love to do! Why do I have to stop and eat? I’ve always been like that. I’m not terribly fond of slowing down.

Now we see a problem here; denial of human need when you know it’s not likely to be easily fulfilled! I’ve been married three times to great men and had several great boyfriends. I’m still not satisfied. They weren’t perfect or didn’t satisfy me the way I really want to be. They didn’t make my brain and body explode with orgasmic happiness, although my last mate Michael came close. He loved me…really, really loved me and I loved him. Love is the sexiest thing going. Then he died suddenly. That’s not helping the situation. Love is definitely tragic.

It makes me wonder about eating disorders. If you take that denial of the need for love, warmth, and affection far enough it would make your brain or specifically, the hypothalamus gland stops craving food. So the emotion of lust would be good at this point versus the emotions around deprivation.

I’m not into deprivation at all but I am sorely afraid of loving a man, pulling him to me, and pushing him away because I need to be alone with my ideas, my mind, my life, my work, and my writing. I don’t want to hurt him. There has to be some intimacy and some time shared with your loved one or they will go away. I hate that.

broken_heart1I think I’ve stayed in lust mode in my brain because I’ve lost too many people I’ve loved. It’s like a car idling. My life isn’t idling but my feelings about bonding in a relationship are definitely idling. Maybe I’m stuck in lust gear because it’s emotionally safer. There is no risk of having your heart ripped out and stomped on the floor by death and life itself if you don’t go into love gear and really start driving.

Intimacy; Men are Dramatic in Action and Women are Dramatic in their Speech

you've got to be kidding me

How many bazillion times have you heard a guy say “No drama!”? They act like they give women no drama. Men are over the top!!! Men get emotional physically and sometimes verbally. Their actions are too dramatic. That’s the testosterone and they put WOMEN through the wringer not being able to calm down their testosterone or my favorite, being so confused about how to relate what they want to us that they send dual-minded, conflicting signals. A lot of women think they’re lying but half of the time I think they just don’t know what to say…literally.

Women are more dramatic in expressing themselves verbally. Women are actually brilliant at expressing themselves verbally and men are FOREVER telling us to be quiet and stop being so dramatic. I fucking hate it nor will I obey. I find men and women to be equally expressive emotionally but in these two different modes.

Next time a man says to you, “Cut the drama” when you’re speaking and expressing your feelings, bring down the curtain on his ass regarding how his actions are overdramatic expressing HIS feelings. He can “cut the drama” too. Sheesh!

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