Essay; People Are Who They Are


JusticeOne of the things I think we all know as an adult is that you can’t change anyone. But it’s funny that we still try. I’m still single, not even a boyfriend and I’d say I’m content this way for now. However, I still have men DM’ing me quite often in all of the social media boxes, trying to get me to do their bidding, pay attention, throw them a bone, give them what they want and generally flirt and waste my time. I ended it and put up boundaries. Out of fifteen, maybe I’ll be a bit interested in one.

I’ve experienced this over and over with men; even the ones that love me just as I am. In my line of work we call it offloading or projecting. Over and over, even the nice guys with a genuine heart want me to be what they need me to be. Very rarely are they interested in who I am, what I care about, and how I feel. The last fellow I dated said that I should stop looking so pretty and then I wouldn’t get bothered so much going on my walk three times around the block. What’s next? A burka? I don’t even wear much makeup and hardly spend any money on clothes! I just am who I am and I told him as much.

I’m secure, stable, smart and I take care of myself. That’s just too much to handle for a man that needs a woman made of clay who he can mold or who will mold herself to him or fake an orgasm. I am who I am. I’ll remain alone before I change for anyone or fake an orgasm to shore up a man’s ego. Women do that all the time by the way. If guys read women’s feeling better or if women were more honest they’d know.

I have vices; for example, I say I’ll show up at a party I’m invited to and because I’m a writer and an introvert I’d rather stay home and so I do. I cancel. If a project is too challenging or I bit off more than I could chew, sometimes I don’t finish it.  Sometimes I say I’m just going to have one drink and I have three, although I almost always only have one. I feel incredibly emotionally detached from most human beings because I find them far too emotionally indulgent for my comfort level and lacking in inner discipline. I’d say all of these things about me are unattractive but I am who I am. I’m also a big flirt in person because I can be! It’s fun! I do not flirt on social media though. The men always initiate there.

Honesty with yourself and someone you’re dating is super important to keep your energy aligned. I find myself very distracted and unable to get my work done when too many emotions and sex have been flying around. I just need to be authentic with a man. Maybe some women expect men to change too, but can women ever really be themselves and be truly loved when men are who they are?

Re-Program; Beauty Bias


Seek to be

“You can’t judge a book by its cover,” my Dad said as he was backing out of the driveway of Grandma’s house (his mother). I remember sitting in the backseat of our old Buick in the ’70s as a little girl and this is one of the few things my father said off the cuff that sank into my little brain like a brick floating to the bottom of the lake.  Aren’t those odd moments when your mind picks up what someone teaches you and for some nebulous reason, you never forget it! While it’s happening, you can feel how heavy and solid their words are and you have no idea why.

For God’s sake, as an adult, I realize that so much of my father’s values didn’t square with his behavior, but sometimes it did. Is that incongruity, that double-dipping into our own psyche just part of being human? He lusted after Barbara Eden right in front of us as children but we always thought it was funny because Mom looked very much like her, so that was ok.  He always paid the bills and went to work, ran for public office and attended church three times a week, but the hypocrisy was generally there in other ways.

This post isn’t about my father, but he and my mother both instilled in me, actually by a good example, that life was not about looks or climbing a social ladder and neither of them did it either. Sure, there were family secrets, but on this score, they rated high. They really taught me not to objectify myself, even though I was very pretty and talented from a young age.  Mom did some anyway, but Dad countered it, maybe as a kind of competition with her and his freedom training won the day with me. My mom did not get her way.

I recently just heard about beauty bias. That may sound lame but I don’t pay much attention to or take seriously, how people look. I take care of myself, have lost weight, and naturally look 45 even though I’m 56. I’m not trying to. I just live healthily. Now I am seriously treated differently by men and women. The men are coming after me more, even the ones in their twenties and the women are competing with me or maybe jealous and treating me worse.  They’re going to have a hard time hating me though because I’ve been to hell and back with men I love dying. Their pity and sympathy may counter their jealousy for a bit longer. I’m sure their conscience will twist and knot around them if they start to go into that dark tunnel. I’m so aware of how the percentages change based on social expectation. “Why is she doing so well when she’s been through what no normal person goes through?” must be the question ringing in their heads.  I think it’s hilarious. Because they don’t have an answer, I’m treated a bit like a leper, a miscreant, a freak.

This post isn’t about them either. Beauty and intelligence bias which is seriously real and has been well-documented is repugnant to me and seriously foisted on those of us that have a plethora of both like a millstone around our necks. It’s just more superficial garbage from a culture that knows no bounds to objectification. My value system and my heart seriously care about most human beings and sees the world through spiritual eyes…because I want to; because I can. I haven’t absorbed the values of our larger society or our world. As my alcoholic sister say’s to me, “You’re a freak! Maybe she’s right which means I’m also a selfish bitch by her estimation. Never mind her. I know I’m neither of those things and I do love myself and the life I’ve chosen. The woman was born hating herself and her life and has learned very little during the time she’s been given. There is no way my parents could have treated her worse than she’s treated herself and others.

This post isn’t about her either. It’s just amazing the masks we all have to wear to explain these outside layers. How does anyone really know who we are, including ourselves? Writers know that the books we write ARE judged by their covers and we’re told to spend plenty of time and money picking it out. It’s the magnet for people to buy the book. But how many people actually read the book? Maybe they just look at the cover.

ed8be285-497b-4bda-9ec5-901ff8710812.jpgMy book “Healer” is about how beauty bias objectification from men toward me has ruined every job I’ve ever been in and slowed down my progress to be taken seriously for my skill, ideas, and intelligence. I don’t think I’ll ever be healed from that shit until I’m dead but I’m sure not going to stop talking or writing even though people’s brains can barely listen to a word I, or others like me, say because my eyes are so sparkly. Gee, just try.

 

 

Essay; The Sacrifice Model Shores up Patriarchy


my-kite-1@2x
“My Kite” by Paige Bradley

My last post was about men as a subject, women as object and how that can pivot so that men are objectified as well under the paradigm of patriarchy.  That’s not something that most women are aware of. First, let me remind my readers that neither male nor female dominance in civilization is ideal. We came from 5000 years of matriarchy which preceded patriarchy and now we are shifting again. My hope is that we don’t go back to the mistakes and abuses of matriarchy just because it’s in our collective unconscious ancestral memory. I believe women have evolved ahead of men but men have come a long way as well in 5000 years. The idea here is for humanity and the earth to move into our conscious minds, or reasonable mind engendered by the balance between intuition and rationality. That will then fill our households, the foundation of our societies the world over.

Gender equity or balance of power will lead us to less militarism, more peace, more great sex, and more love. Yes, I’m an idealist but some partners are succeeding. It occurred to me yesterday that when you have the subject-object system going, which is what patriarchy thrives on, both subject and object, both men and women are sacrificed for the profit of the 1% on the planet, even though patriarchy makes it appear as though men are in charge. They aren’t really. They only have what women let them have. Imagine for a moment the suggestion of “Lysistrata” coming to pass?

Lysistrata is a Greek comedy written by Aristophanes about women boycotting sex with men in order to quell the endless wars of that age. What if today, women all over the planet found the wherewithal to stop making porn videos altogether, stopped having sex with their husbands/boyfriends/partners, and halted reproduction until men got the message of respecting our humanity and not just looking to us for sex and food attention but as a friend and a mate? Maybe this is what lesbians wish would happen. There is a whole group of feminists that believe that until women take full charge of their body and stop sharing it with men, women don’t stand a chance of true liberation. I just ponder that in my circumstantial celibacy. I will say that it’s truly empowering to live alone and be in full charge of my body and my physical energy as a female. I’ve become fully aware of how much all of the men I’ve known have taken sex and food from me and how little they’ve truly given back. It’s not an awareness I relish and I’m certainly not saying that I believe all men do that.

Subjects are sacrificed to the 1% who in turn are brainwashed or socially engineered to sacrifice the objects. Men are “subjected” to the dictates of family, state, church, and corporation and sacrificed and rewarded for handing over the control of their heart and mind to that. That’s how Trump got elected in provincial, small-town America which is trapped in it’s subconscious, family-programmed mind!

Part of the purpose of social engineering is to objectify and eat women for breakfast. Women are to be consumed; sexual consumption and food consumption. Men are not taught to see us as full human beings with a mind and heart but to overlook all of that, no matter how smart or successful we are in order to objectify and subsume us; no matter what. Her provision of children is only a mask for the man that makes him appear more socially acceptable to all of the institutions listed above. Let’s not forget that he is not acting from a whole heart and mind. If he did, he would be a damned artist or poet, drugged in a psych ward and living on the fringes.  We can’t have that frightful prospect, can we? I’m half kidding.

There are millions of men and women who are free spirits and see through the charade of civilization though and we own houses, pay our bills and mow the lawn. It does take guts to join us though and we’re usually not rich.

So you see the subject-object title is interchangeable. The subjects are also brought to be objects for the elite; especially in war (the honored dead, mostly male), in sports, and in corporate life. It’s incumbent on men and women to jump out of the subject-object roles and live a free life.