Male Sexual Fantasy…that’s how you bond?


 

you've got to be kidding meMore information is hitting me today via my intuition about certain men I know and their behavior. I’ve been trying to figure out how men’s minds work for years now and never gave it much thought when I was younger and had no brothers so now I’m playing catch up. I know you’re more simple than us and I don’t need the lecture that I’m over-thinking.

There are two local men I know (in my town) that I’m sure are in love with me to whom I have zero interest or attraction. I know that sounds harsh, but I’m pretty sure guys are the same way. Some women get your motor running, other’s don’t, even if you “try” to give them a chance. These two men are like a dog with a bone simply based on the fact that several years ago I was nice or warm to both of them. (Please refer to my blog post “Warmth from a woman doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you.”). Also, the attraction over social media or the phone is absolutely bizarre to me. You can’t know any truth that way. Again, it’s just for male fantasy gratification and does nothing for the woman. But that doesn’t matter, does it? Just know that if you don’t actually meet a woman, she will drop you like a hot potato fairly quickly.

So, as I was eating my salad and soda crackers just now it hit me. Men’s minds are based on the fantasy of a woman he’s met or has talked to, not fact. Men’s minds form emotional, sexual fantasies based on projection and his own weaving of fantasy that he wants to believe. He also will project his own image via social media and when you meet him, he won’t necessarily look that way. That’s happened to me too. It’s not that we’re biased about the way you look, it’s that you lied and misled us. That’s going to get you in a heap of trouble guys.

I and every woman I know, are very rational about relationships and men. We look for certain hygiene, clothing, behavior, and financial facts, communication that absolutely tell us whether to let our motor run for you or not. We can control all of that. Yes, we do control all of that, like we’re shopping. I’m not saying that smell, pheromones, looks and such aren’t involved because they are at a very primal level. So yes, women say, “God he has a perfect booty.” and get all lusty, or “He’s super sweet and smart” but not the way men do. Every woman is different but it is never based on GQ crap…ever. However, if his tone of voice with us or the way he acts is vile, that fine booty counts for nothing, nada, zip, zero. We fall in love with the person and the potential for bonding, not your body. That’s how our brains work.

Why is that? Because our arousal is based on your vibe, whether you know us or not, whether you want to know us or not, our feelings, our relationship. You’re falling asleep already reading this and because of that, more women are going to be celibate. We can do that too.

graceful-girl-smilingDo you know how easy this face is to fake for women? More women have just given in to a man’s lust who cannot stop staring at and fantasizing about our breasts or pussy and cannot focus or hold a conversation. We’re like, “For god’s sake, listen to me.” No, you can’t listen to us if you’re staring at our lips or crotch and we know it.  and motivation, Millions of women make quite a bit of money taking advantage of men’s lack of sophistication when it comes to human relationship mostly through prostitution. You’ve set yourselves up! Improve your intelligence and this won’t happen.

So, you guys are completely irrational about any prospects of truly arousing us or knowing us or bonding because relationships aren’t even on your radar. Or to be fair, maybe you don’t “have” the radar. I am trying to be fair. I don’t think relationship and understanding female behavior is in your wiring and I’m done being mad about it. It’s simple. We need love, affection, and kindness in addition to sex.

This is tragic for women who then fake orgasm or does whatever we have to do for ourselves to enjoy our bodies because our culture has men completely brainwashed to believe that your penis is everything and all we need. That is SO wrong it isn’t even funny. I’ve been with men of all different “sizes”, body size and all the other pieces and it has not mattered one iota whether I was turned on or not. There are specific things that do matter but that’s for another blog. Every woman is different! And what is worse is there are millions of women out there who have given up and just let the man’s fantasies and his penis focus control her love life believing that you will NEVER be astute enough to get our sexuality and how we love.

I have not given up hope yet, but applying some rational fact and getting a handle on those sexual fantasy feelings will be a big step forward.

I welcome any questions. If you think I’m off on something, feel free to call me out but do so in a civil manner, please. I don’t have all the answers and I know I’m not always right.

 

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10 Reasons It’s Hard For Smart Women To Find Love


Finding love is not an easy feat for anyone. If you are a woman who is of a higher intellect, chances are you have had an even harder time finding a fulfilling relationship. Society tends to think less of a woman who is single as if there is something inherently wrong with them. This is definitely not the case. Below are 10 reasons why it can be harder for smart women to find love.

1. They aren’t afraid to be by themselves.

Smart women know what they want and aren’t willing to settle for anything less. They know the importance of staying true to themselves and they also realize that sacrificing their needs for the sake of love with the wrong person will only cause resentment in the long run. They do not have to settle out of fear of being alone, or fear of social implications by others’ who do not understand a woman’s ability to be by herself and be happy.

2. They know what they want.

Every woman has a mental “checklist” of what they are looking for in a significant other. A smart woman’s checklist tends to be either longer or more specific than those who want a significant other, just to have a significant other. They know themselves and in turn, know what type of person they can and can’t be with.

3. They don’t need another person to facilitate their lifestyle.

The past portrays that women needed to go straight from their father’s house to their husband’s. In the modern world women no longer need another person to help them live on their own; they may have realized they prefer that alone time. Therefore, knowing that they will eventually have to share that space can be scary for an independent woman.

4. They have other commitments that take priority over dating.

Careers, friendships, family, extra-curricular pursuits, whatever it is that she has going on may not allow for as much time to date as it takes to find the right mate.

5. They are hyper-aware that relationships end and can let their knowledge of the past affect their future potential relationships.

They have a harder time “living in the moment” and do not want to waste their time; as time truly is a valuable asset to a smart woman. They need to know that there is a future and that their potential mate is on the same page.  Marriages, kids, finances, etc.

6. They know that attraction is only half the battle.

Physical attraction is an important aspect of finding love, but smart women understand that attraction is fleeting and can be altered once you see what is underneath.  While a woman’s hormones tend to make the first step towards finding love, smart women understand that it is the intimacy developed (and maintained) by both people that dictate whether or not a relationship can last.

7. They can be intimidating.

When a woman is intelligent she isn’t afraid to stand up and say what she thinks. This is a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow. Whether it’s because they don’t know how to react, or if it’s because they don’t feel they can live up to her expectations; either way, it can be somewhat intimidating for potential lovers and even friends.

8. They understand Change.

They don’t pretend that they, and their partners, will be the same person years down the road. They want to grow and they have ambitions for their futures that will change who they are, and ultimately, what they want. Knowing this makes it harder for a woman to commit to a partner for a long period of time.

9. They have a vast understanding of modern dating practices and don’t necessarily like, nor agree, with them.

Dating is no longer a means of survival for women. As stated before, since we no longer need to be passed from father to husband as well as we have the capability to live alone – dating is truly meant to find a companion whom you love and want to share your life, interests, and future with.

10. They know not to trust their hearts with just anyone.

This reason is the culmination of all of the ways it is harder for smart women to find love. Deciding whether someone is worthy of an intelligent woman’s heart is not an easy task and we do not take it lightly. Intelligent women have to weigh the pro’s and con’s and decide if the risk of loving another person is worth the devastation that can occur if it doesn’t work out.

The Womb


dark forest

I’ve known you but a thousand years my love

Your face so rare and calm…

I’ve known you deep inside the walls that push against my scorn.

 

Trenchant waters, tar-like mattes of ribbon sheer and broad,

Stripes form bridges…

Moats to cross…

Transfixed, I hear you call.

 

I know that voice so clear and deep, it beckons me to come,

“Reside with me my love.” “All right.”

The waters surge at dawn.

 

The Night is bright with moonlit sky

I wish it’d go away, to corners webbed and clockwork loose

To trip dimensions throng.

 

Plunge me into silence still embraced by tepid wrong.

Wrong and right eclipse my lungs…

Can’t breathe—

No morals throng.

 

Fear gloats its rabid face…”STOP!” I feign to tell it stunned.

My love lies deep within my heart, unhinged by doom-it runs!

 

Criss-cross sticks form one long bridge

Across the chasm’s face

Tred lightly dear, sing your way through the ache dismissed as day.

 

I’ve known you but a thousand years, this too shall pass away.

Eternity is ours my love.

The womb shall have its way.

 

9/26/09. Kin #66, White 1 Worldbridger (My Tzolkin Analog)

I remember writing this. I was at the end of a marriage and going through the wringer, deeply wanting to find a soulmate or my twin flame. My soul was burning. It was nine years ago and a whole life has happened since. Seems like yesterday.

Marketing to Women


Woman’s Day magazine, in retrospect, is going to go down in history to be as puerile, provincial, and trivial as the ads for toasters, cars, and bras for women in the 1950’s. They send me this rag free in the mail because I have a business. Occasionally I flip through it to get a laugh and I saw this.

The ad on the left is for a fake butter product. They’re making it analogous to a long-term relationship. The ingredients in “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” are purified water, soybean oil, palm kernel oil, palm oil, salt, soy lecithin, natural flavors, vinegar, Vitamin A Palmitate, and beta-Carotene (for color). Jul 25, 2017

Soybean oil is very bad for you and in most processed foods and fast foods. Since it is so high in easily oxidizable omega-6, it’s a poor cooking oil choice. This article takes a look at eight harmful effects of soybean oil backed by scientific research. I’m pretty sure palm oil is no better.

Soybean oil

Given all of that, I agree that it’s analogous to a long-term relationship which is a statistical misnomer. The only long-term relationships that lasted from the old days were anchored in the couples subconscious minds by their birth family. God only knows what kind of marriage that was; probably more like comfy brother and sister than hot, novel lovers from different tribes. Most marriages are lucky to last 10-11 years, long enough to raise the kids a little over halfway and not kill each other. All the romantic hype around marriage is romantic fantasy and like fake butter, it’s bad for you! I think most people would agree that it’s not good for human beings to live with the same person for too long. It’s celebrated because people are afraid of great sex actually changing them spiritually.

When a person finally understands and embraces their body and emotions there is nothing greater or more powerful on the planet. It can change the world. The governments and the religions all know that which is why they sell us the awful healthcare system we have, obsession with a fitness regimen instead of health in balance and moderate treats, and dogmatic religions that demonize the body and nature that espouse abstinence and deprivation and promote “I Can’t Believe They Call This Shit Butter” long-term relationships.

We’re getting into the gray area here between this black and white ad. The implied assumption being, long-term is white, like a wedding dress on the right and black, like a classy little black dress is on the left. Neither one is accurate and the butter side verges on slut-shaming.

Who doesn’t love butter?! Butter is real. A bit of butter in your diet is good for your skin. There is one ingredient in butter; milkfat and man is it good! I just used 2 sticks of butter to make a shortbread crust for an apple tart and it turned out smashing! The puns are coming fast and furious here; tart, shortbread, fast, furious. Sounds like great sex to me.

There are only 34 calories in a teaspoon of butter and when added to fresh bread, it is pure joy. There is no other substitute for it if you’re making sugar cookie cutouts for a holiday for people you actually love. The key is moderation. Don’t eat the entire apple tart with shortbread crust or ten cookies.

The same goes for your relationships. Don’t have sex with a new partner every night. That would be too many one night stands, but I don’t know anyone who does that. There is nothing unhealthy or wrong about having a lover or a boyfriend. I think it tastes the best and is the most realistic with regard to human nature. It’s also the truth!

Give me that butter any day. It is not a one-night stand. Looks like love to me; no possession but likely repeated as long as the recipe is right.

warm bread and butter

Male Intuition and the Sacred Masculine


I feel like apologizing for always blogging on the feminine intuition, feminist issues and the need for women to empower themselves in the midst of the patriarchal paradigm by using their intuition. But I’m not going to because…I’m a woman! I don’t have a man’s perspective on what it means to be a man right now in the patriarchal system.  What I do know is there is still a tremendous amount of unequal power for both men and women, Guys have rough patches too but I’m not sure they know how to express it as well as women. We have the communication advantage in our brains.

Nevertheless, I had a very significant dream last night that is leading me to blog on this difficult topic.  It does segue into the Twin Flame phenomenon too because the Twin Flame journey is all about spiritual ascension or spiritual maturing for both parties. It doesn’t have to be heterosexual but in my case it is.

I remember the details of what I was dreaming most of the night and it was run of the mill, nothing exciting; just my mind letting go of habits is what I surmised. Then, a very big, black crow that seemed very real, not ethereal like the rest of the dream, showed up right next to me in my house and quickly flew away with the help of another woman shewing him away. He was pretty big and very alive. I felt no death whatsoever around this bird. He was powerful. This crow was grounded and had his own ways but I was very surprised as soon as I saw him in the house and said, “How did this crow get in here?!” The other woman knew a bird like that should not be in the house and helped me get rid of it.

Now as I’m writing, the crow felt shamanistic or deeply masculine, the cave, and the dark which in my tradition, we usually ascribe to the feminine because of the dark of the womb, the seed, the egg, gestation, the womb, and birth. Male energy is usually the light of the Mind. Everything is shifting right now on the planet and I believe this dream was a harbinger of the sacred masculine balanced with the sacred feminine coming forward. Indeed, that is what the Twin Flame journey is about. Males and females are both light and dark, yin and yang, male and female. We’ve always said that in my field but it’s never actually manifested in our institutions on this planet! That’s been the problem.

This is similar to the actual, real-life appearance of a raccoon in the open skylight on the roof of the cottage in which I was staying in California three weeks ago. He was trying to come in and I had to quickly close the skylight. Both of these animals are totems or archetypes for Blue Monkey in the Mayan System or a Trickster, creator, and mover. It is play, illusion, and magic. But Crow is also a Blue Eagle archetype which is creativity, mind, and vision. They are both Blue so they are closely related in energy. Blue kin is all about transformation. I am definitely doing that right now!

When looking at yin-yang energy, it’s easy to characterize it in a good vs. bad dichotomy. Females are valued and rewarded for being good, warm, loving, small and nurturing and are punished for being bad girls, big, strong, powerful, hypersexual and are slut-shamed. Males are valued for being aggressive (within reason depending on the context), protective, mean (also depending on the context), bad, rebellious, and rampaging anything that’s big! They are punished for being too small, fearful, wimpy, emotional, indecisive and more. These aspects are still entrenched in our system.

As we all know now, in 2018, this is B.S.! Women and men absolutely do share all of these traits and swap them around when they feel like it. God bless America! In our country, we truly do believe human beings have the right to express their true feelings and sexuality even if we don’t rock it in public yet. Everyone still has their secrets.

None of those traits are ascribed in stone to either sex anymore and those that do are so un-hip. Right? On the surface, most women and men still try to rock those boxes but we’re really not supposed to anymore and the younger generation will get in your face about it. My nineteen-year-old hates it when I classify the genders in those boxes. Yet, look at all the leading sports programs, politics, and all the television shows. Men are still very dominant and portrayed in those boxes. It’s a function of patriarchy. Women are seeping in only slowly (female sportscasters) and when they do, they have to act somewhat masculine or just are that way to be socially acceptable! The women can’t act very feminine yet. It’s taboo.

Where is the sacred masculine in all of this? The earth. The ways of nature are male and female. Whenever the natural forces of procreation are challenged, the powerful earth energy steps in. Strong drumming evokes the balance of the male/female energies in sex and alignment, equally! The earth loves her daughters and her sons equally and wants them to walk together in balance on her. It’s only humans all over the world that still prefer sons. Men who love and take care of their bodies, who honor their strong feelings and inclinations, who are creative souls and express themselves in their art, who still want to fuck with abandon and feel no shame just like the animals and the insects.

Men are men and women are women. But we are more similar than different by nature and we both can embody bad and good traits without judgment if we just loosen up those boundaries and deeply feel our bodies and drop the definitions of who we are by Church, state, and media. And we both need to love ourselves as we are.

You have to see this. Trust me, you will dig it! Just click.

Drumming Group-Very cool!

You won’t believe this woman. She is very talented and super beautiful.

Cassandra Fox Belly Dancing. Unbelievable

 

 

 

 

 

What is Connection?


A connection is an affinity, an ease of communication, an understanding of another person, a desire to get to know someone better, the real possibility of a lasting friendship, and for women, respect. For men, it’s a huge turn-off to contemplate respecting a woman although most won’t admit it.

A connection does not denote love, being in love, physical attraction, desire for sex, desire to get married, desire to live with you, dreaming of a future, desire for a boyfriend, an attempt to control the other person, or dependency. Just because a guy feels a connection to a woman he really…should not freak out in fear that she’s going to control him with her feminine ways and make him give her babies. Or, post-reproduction, make him grow up and face and express his feelings. Most of us are too busy to try to control you. We ask that you organize yourselves. That’s usually asking too much though.

Interdependent connection between a woman and a man means you each have your own lives, take responsibility for knowing and expressing how you feel, making your own physical appointments, have boundaries that you agree on for privacy, but depend on each other for whatever you’re comfortable with which is usually quite a bit; affection, sex, sharing food duties, household chores, and child and pet care. Personally, though, I think couples need to have their own money and manage it themselves but sometimes merging it makes a bigger pile obviously. However, spending priorities can cause a divorce so, in that case, keep it separate.

I happened to be sitting next to a guy at a bar several months ago and he got a text from a woman he’d been dating. He told me she was really hot (like I need to know that. He wanted me to know that). She had just texted that she was willing to help him decorate his new place. He complained to me that that was intrusive and overcontrolling of her. I just shook my head. Men. You overinterpret us just being nice, way too much. We just like to do girly stuff.

You also make an awful lot of dumb assumptions about our sexual prowess and skill based on our body shape and size. That’s like assuming an orange that’s bigger than the other ones won’t taste as good pulling it off the tree when it truth, it will likely be sweeter and juicier! Your loss dude. Think through stuff more. A smart woman in life is a smart woman in bed, no matter her size. And if she’s smart, she’ll be detached in her feelings and won’t necessarily want you to stay. We independent types like the whole bed to ourselves. You’re programmed to prefer thin women and that’s just dumb.

Another guy I sat next to one time pointed out a large-sized waitress and said, “She looks good to me. It makes me hungry looking at her.” I’m thinking, “Does he see her as a roast chicken and potatoes or a human being?” I mean really! It would have been funny if it wasn’t so stupid! Again, I shook my head.

Women have given up on all of that. A simple connection means you guys stay calm enough, nixing the drama and fear, that we can have your short attention span for maybe ten minutes? Most women won’t settle for that anymore and many women are just going to women; lesbianism. The only women left who want you will be women that want babies and that will be all they want from you if that’s the only skill you’ve developed. But if you flirt, don’t lie about it and act like you haven’t. All guys flirt even just to see how far he can get, even if he doesn’t mean it. But if you flirt, and we flirt back, you better deliver dude.

Most women are independent, not dependent. Women “act” dependent for your ego. That’s it. Most women have an education and know they need to have their own money because let’s face it; most of the time you use your money to try to control us and then die or walk out and we would have no money. No woman wants to be controlled and penniless. There’s no room for love to grow there and no security for us. All women want love before anything else but many women have compromised for so long, not having the connection and affection they need that they’re out of touch with their body. Just sex is just the worst for us. It’s Mcdrive-thru Sex. Horrid. It also tells us you aren’t very bright. Only dogs just fuck and eat fast food for God’s sake.

I’ve known more than one man who I had friendship and affinity with and flirting, run the other way because I returned it. I’m mystified. We’re not supposed to like you back or you split? Are we just supposed to stand there, bask in it, and look pretty, never say anything smart and let you control every aspect of the relationship to your comfort level because you’re so insecure? That’s the only way you’ll come back or stick around? Oh well then, see ya!

Woman on a mountain

 

 

 

An Addict’s Ability to Project is Prolific


My experience and intuition tell me that this happens when a person isn’t in control of their own body, habits, and life. It’s ultimately a health issue and usually tied to addiction. I grant that at the root of addictive behavior are deep emotional wounds, likely from childhood and unconscious or subconscious mind, and that we each want to feel better physically and emotionally and be freer. But at whose expense? It should be at your own expense. The rest of us should not be at the receiving end of your unwillingness to get some help. No one expects deep addiction issues to be handled alone. But the least we ask is that you not offload onto we civilians who are not professionals and seek professional help. I’m guessing there isn’t one person on the planet who doesn’t intimately know an active addict and it breaks everyone’s hearts; mostly your children.

It doesn’t matter how much you love someone or if they are your soul mate or your twin flame; the committed addict ruins everything. They have to use a drug to nullify their feelings and make every excuse in the book to use it and even break the law to justify it. Gee, what would that be? Civil disobedience to unjust laws that protect the public from irrational behavior while you’re on the substance or god forbid, you’re driving while on something?

You have to move on. There is no choice here or you will go down with their ship. It’s not worth it.

Alcoholism and other addictions are epidemics in our society and I’m so sick of dealing with it everywhere I turn. The weirdest part is when there is memory loss regarding communication. Even when you have proof of what they said in an email or text and they deny it. It’s unbelievable that someone can still attempt to pin a behavior on you when you have proof that they are the ones behaving that way. Goodbye. No trust.

I guess the definition of an addict is someone who is completely out of touch with their feelings and haven’t a clue what the truth is for them. So they go haphazardly through life, screwing up all of their relationships with friends, co-workers, employees, mates, and children. You would think that would be incentive enough to get some help but I’m guessing they’d just as soon stay in denial and lazy about getting a grip and fixing it. They have no inner courage.

Those deep wounds aren’t anyone else’s’ problem but theirs no matter how hard they try to tell you there is something wrong with you. That is the projection and there is no end to it. There is such a thing as an innocent party who is just learning that you are abusing a substance to the point of behavior change. Once we learn that they are not cogent, then it’s our responsibility to walk away and let the chips fall where they will. Otherwise, you’ll get into co-dependency instead of interdependency and that’s not going to help anyone.

Co-dependent is enabler and addict depending on one another to keep the addiction going. Health, money, structure, and life is in chaos for both. It’s a destructive cycle and no one is healthy or happy. All of your relationships are screwed up and most people who know you are mad at you.

Interdependent means you both are in charge of your own lives, know how you feel, express it, take care of yourself, have friends who like you and you like them, have your money and things organized, are able to say you’re sorry, and like any normal human being, have needs and want to depend on someone for support once in a while.

Let’s hope we can pair up with the people we truly deserve, not the ones we don’t.
Sunset-over-Sea-of-Galilee-tb102904518

People Are Who They Are


One of the things I think we all know as an adult is that you can’t change anyone. But it’s funny that we still try. I’m still single, not even a boyfriend and I’d say I’m content this way for now. However, I still have men DM’ing me quite often in all of the social media boxes, trying to get me to do their bidding, pay attention, throw them a bone, give them what they want and generally flirt. Out of fifteen, maybe I’ll be a bit interested in one.

I’ve experienced this over and over with men; even the ones that love me just as I am. In my line of work we call it offloading or projecting. Over and over, even the nice guys with a genuine heart want me to be what they need me to be. Very rarely are they interested in who I am, what I care about, and how I feel. The last fellow I dated said that I should stop looking so pretty and then I wouldn’t get bothered so much going on my walk three times around the block. What’s next? A burka? I don’t even wear much makeup and hardly spend any money on clothes! I just am who I am and I told him as much.

I’m secure, stable, smart and I take care of myself. That’s just too much to handle for a man that needs a woman made of clay who he can mold or who will mold herself to him or fake an orgasm. I am who I am. I’ll remain alone before I change for anyone or fake an orgasm to shore up a man’s ego. Women do that all the time by the way. If guys read women’s feeling better or if women were more honest they’d know.

I have vices; for example, I say I’ll show up at a party I’m invited to and because I’m a writer and an introvert I’d rather stay home and so I do. I cancel. If a project is too challenging or I bit off more than I could chew, sometimes I don’t finish it.  Sometimes I say I’m just going to have one drink and I have three, although I almost always only have one. I feel incredibly emotionally detached from most human beings because I find them far too emotionally indulgent for my comfort level and lacking in inner discipline. I’d say all of these things about me are unattractive but I am who I am. I’m also a big flirt in person because I can be! It’s fun! I do not flirt on social media though. The men always initiate there.

Honesty with yourself and someone you’re dating is super important to keep your energy aligned. I find myself very distracted and unable to get my work done when too many emotions and sex have been flying around. I just need to be authentic with a man. Maybe some women expect men to change too, but can women ever really be themselves and be truly loved when men are who they are?