a middle-aged, healthy woman gives up nothing during sex; she gains.


zoosk

This article is so interesting as far as the male psyche goes. I had to read several sections a few times to understand it and I still need to mull it over.

Men Lose Respect for Women With Whom They Have Sex

“Some men and many women have been socialized into thinking that the woman gives up something during sex. This speaks to the male’s vision of conquest. He believes that he has said or done something to make the woman give in to him. He knows his true intentions are less than honorable, and so he projects his own internal sense of unworthiness onto the female by saying it is she, not him, who is worthless, easy, fast, desperate, stupid, etc. for falling prey to his advances. This kind of thinking completely strips the woman from having any natural right to her sexual desires and her choice to act upon such desires.”

The men don’t always say it’s the woman. My date felt guilty about himself because we were extremely lusty with each other. I never feel guilty about my body or sex so he was alone in that. But that last sentence is not something I’ve ever allowed but always wondered why my attitude wasn’t going anywhere. The energy would just fall flat so it seems it’s true. We are not empowered as women ruling over our own body yet, fully.

I’m dating on Zoosk again, having learned a few things the first time around with middle-aged men. I’ve had two bizarre dates in one week. The nice part was both men were very good looking, showed up, and we had good talks. The matching theme was they were both still hung up emotionally on past women and felt the woman broke their heart. They barely had anything good to say about her and blamed her for the end of things. I didn’t stand a chance to even start anything with either one of them. So why did they date me? One was just to talk and the other was horny and wanted sex. This was months or years ago and they hadn’t gotten over it. I’ve always conjectured that men get far more emotionally attached in a steady relationship with a woman but my experience with these men proves it. Guys are squishy!

The second thing is they tend to feel guilty about their sexuality probably because it’s so easy for them to just f*k and not be emotionally involved at all. I think they deplore themselves to a certain extent just because it so natural to them. I’ve even conjectured that men prefer to have sex with bad, cruel women because it’s a turn on for a man with low self-esteem which is many of them. They’re not really attracted to happy, lovely women. The younger men who are looking for a mate and mother for his children will look for a woman like that to marry because she is acceptable to his family but then choose a racier, wild woman on the side. It serves his desire for novelty. It’s not that he doesn’t love his wife, it’s that she’s too busy with the kids to be sexually deviant, to keep him entertained, and may not be a lusty type of woman.

Third, they were both pretty depressed, not happy campers. They both hinted at being lonely and talked about their kids and family far more than I did. I am the opposite of all of that so none of that sits well with me with a guy. Now that I think of it, every man I’ve been married to or dated has told me he’s depressed. It’s an epidemic. Not so with women. Women tend to be happy or know how to make themselves happy. I’m happy generally speaking and doing very well single.

“Women are perceived as being a threat simply because of their desirability. One facet to explore would be that the male ego is built upon a need or a drive to conquer, to expand, to be strong, to be dominant, etc and in the end, it is the female whom the male inevitably feels weak to.”

This quote applies directly to a good friend that I really like and am attracted to who is out of state. He’s as much as said this and I’ve been confused by it for ten months. The last thing I’ve ever tried to do with a man is to control him. I don’t have time or desire to conduct a man’s life yet he keeps saying women are so controlling. What kind of women has he been in a relationship with? Weak ones with no life and no ambition, no dreams? Co-dependent ones? I’m looking at that far away in the rear view mirror.

“Men are quite aware of how much we mean to them and this need for us can easily be misconstrued as being a weakness. So what do men do about their weakness? What do they do about things that they feel are beyond their wilful control? They try to deny their vulnerability while forcing their will. Thus women have many rules, stigmas, religious guidelines and laws to ensure that we are kept in a psychological position of subservience. It is no secret that most men do not like to even think of the woman of their affection being with another man. (possession) Fear causes men to manipulate women into denying their feminine desires which in turn causes us to feel guilty and sinful for certain behaviors.”

Nope. Not happening in my world. My male friend has been trying to keep me on a hook in just this way although he would never admit it. We both love each other as friends, spoken! We are both very hot for each other…spoken! We both want to have sex…spoken! But now he says he won’t go there with me because he “never does relationships”. Yes, he has. He told me he’s had two serious relationships with a woman. He’s friend-zoned me but I may have done it first frankly after he cavalierly said, “We can get a room.” The friend zone may as well be the “Twilight Zone” as far as I’m concerned unless I consider him my gay friend even though he presents very straight. Well, I believe him based on what he’s told me and the fact that he’s never been married. I don’t know what’s going on. The short of it is, we have so much in common and are so attracted to each other that we’re not ready to go there yet. I’m cool.

I’m leaving it to lie and getting what I need from other men. I’m not staying on his hook but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I do. But I won’t be controlled or denied sexually. No way no how. That’s an empowerment issue for me. Women need sex! Middle-aged women need sex! Are you going to supply it or not fella?

I don’t know if men in the U.S. think this way. I hope not. I do believe we’re coming to a more equitable sense of responsibility as consenting adults. The exception would be the religious men; Christians, who continue to want to be married and “take care of” a woman. This all needs to drop away. My last date was a Christian and he had no conception whatsoever of my humanity and conceiving of me as an independent woman taking care of myself. It was lost on him. That said, he was a very nice guy. Most of the men on Zoosk are Christian which is extremely troubling. That’s not going to work for me at all.

We’ll see. No sex the first date, that’s for sure. The way I’m feeling about my out of state friend who I talked to today, he’s the only one I want right now. Uh oh.

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Intuition is Biological


if you're intuitive you're highly intelligent

Sara Griffiths is a writer for The Daily Mail in the U.K. She wrote this article.

Intuition is Biological

Lower exposure to testosterone in the womb gives females an extra ‘sense’

  • Scientists describe intuition as automatic, unconscious thought, while reflexive thought requires conscious analysis and takes more effort
  • A University of Granada-led study carried out a test on 600 students to see whether men are less intuitive than women
  • They looked at the ‘digital ratio’ – an indication of prenatal testosterone levels – that compares the length of two fingers
  • Men have a lower ratio and responded in a more reflexive way in the test, while women gave more intuitive answers indicating intuition is biological

That said, some men have low testosterone and some women have it higher. So, the issue is not gender but testosterone level.

Scientists describe intuition as thoughts that are processed unconsciously and automatically, requiring little cognitive effort, while reflexive thought requires conscious analysis and takes more effort. Intuitive thoughts are considered to be more emotional, while analytical thoughts are more rational.

The last suggestion is incorrect and a false dichotomy. It’s actually been proven that reductionist, rational analysis is slower and less efficient. Intuition is emotional and rational but the person doesn’t indulge in either one. Both of those just flow like a river. The intuition uses the entire brain, both hemispheres, left and right, rational and creative to illuminate reason. Intuition is a high level of reasoning. Intuitive people also have higher intelligence and reasoning ability.

It is repression or denial of emotion that shuts off reasoning ability. Emotions have been proven to be uploaded to every cell of the body via the amino acid peptides. Your body has to read what’s going on emotionally or you could die. If you’re engaging in an activity or thought pattern that is destructive and you don’t allow your body to read it’s emotion in response to it, you’re in danger. Men do this all the time with their bodies and drop over. It’s also part of post-war PTSD. They pump up their testosterone to overstep their intuition and it essentially makes them lose their mind. Of course, women do it to trying to have more power in a patriarchal system. They think that mimicking men will make them better than everyone else but not very many women do because it’s SO antithesis to our natural body flow.

Intuitive thinking is quicker and makes more sense. All men and women need to hone their intuition to increase their intelligence and reasoning ability. It’s a no-brainer. Or shall I say, a whole-brainer?

 

 

 

The Way It Works is…


man and woman

My intuition has taught me…

Talking is easy for women and sex is not. Sex is not superficial for us.

Sex is easy for men and talking is not. Talking is not superficial for men.

Women need sex to grow. Men need talking to grow. Make sure you each have what you need the way you need it. Men love a woman they know they can talk to honestly. Women love a man they know cares about their body and physical health and happiness.

If a man wants to talk to you or keeps calling you to talk he’s probably in love with you, especially if you haven’t had sex yet. Remember, sex doesn’t mean anything to men. They don’t bond through sex the way women do unless they have a mental and heart connection to you.

If a woman wants to have sex with you but not talk all the time she’s probably in love with you or at least loves you. Remember, women talk all the time. It’s superficial to us. Talking doesn’t mean anything to us. The body does; sex does. We bond through sex whether anyone realizes it or not. A man who doesn’t want to have sex with you but wants to talk doesn’t want you to bond to him. He just wants to feel fake bonded to you like a fantasy. That’s actually epidemic right now. It’s offloading to use women to talk and then not have sex with them. He’s probably getting superficial sex elsewhere.

Men don’t deserve to be beaten up for being superficial about sex any more than women should be punished for being superficial about talking. Sex is a male conversation which they can be superficial about or deep. The same is true for women, talking, and connecting. But both sides need to have their needs met. If you use each other there will be karma.

live body in my dream state


Rumi Water

Busy dream night,

Most of it gossamer ethereal as usual.

Then, like a prodigious mammal in the Cimmerian pitch-black

Under my sheets, literally, physically, corporeally

While I was still in my dream state!…

I felt a man curled up next to me…

Substantially, mundanely, sensibly…

But he was not literally THERE.

There was no actual man in bed with me.

I didn’t wake up.

I just remembered it explicitly when I woke up

As quite an odd abeyance.

I think I know who it was

but I don’t know why he was there.

It wasn’t creepy, just surprising.

The Greek word Psyche means Intuition


purple woman

In Greek mythology, the word and name Psyche means intuition. It doesn’t mean mind, analysis, rationality, psychology, or psychiatry. The fact is both males and females have intuition but we need to talk about our higher minds as intuition. There is no other purpose for knowing and understanding emotions which manifest in the body unless we’re going to move them up to intuition. Intuition stimulates the higher mind to work in tandem with rationality which is slower. It’s the right and left brains which needs to be equal.

In Greek mythology, Apollo and Dionysus are both sons of Zeus. Apollo is the god of the sun, of rational thinking and order, and appeals to logic, prudence, and purity. Dionysus is the god of wine and dance, of irrationality and chaos, and appeals to emotions and instincts. Both of these characters have become a little problematic for our Psyche or Intuition.

It’s problematic in that we have the degradation of Psyche or Intuition. Even though at the end of her saga which was my last post, Zeus made her immortal. His son Apollo has tried to eclipse her since. In the national divinity of the Greeks, Apollo has been variously recognized as a god of music, truth, and prophecy, healing, the sun and light, plague, poetry, and more. Apollo is the son of Zeus and Leto and has a twin sister, the chaste huntress Artemis.

That sort of explains Apollo’s hyper-masculinity. His twin sister Artemis was the goddess of the hunt and was probably a better shot than him and likely a chaste lesbian. This is just playful conjecture on my part which I feel free to do with myth. Nevertheless, everything in Greek thinking has permeated Western society.

How did Intuition come to be degraded in submission to western, male, rational assessment? Psychology Today explains,

“Intuition is a mental matching game. The brain takes in a situation, does a very quick search of its files, and then finds its best analog among the stored sprawl of memories and knowledge.

From there, you’re able to listen to intuition and develop a “hunch” about a certain situation.

No. Intuition is not a hunch. It’s the psyche knowing what the truth is. It’s the higher mind, many times connected to Spirit or Source, guiding your path. It’s not just a hunch if you interview professional readers and intuitives. We literally can see the energy, events, and people around someone like a movie and tell the client what they are creating or drawing to them or who or what is still hanging around in their space. Then they can change it if they wish now that they’re aware of it. My clients and millions of others always confirm what we see so we know we’re right. Everyone can do this for themselves if they’d open their minds and allow the connection. But there are so many societal biases and fears that most people don’t. It’s a mistake.

It is very insulting to call it “fortune telling”. You create your life in every aspect and we’re just seeing what you’re creating. There is something to destiny but the details of your destiny are chosen by you. This is very important and very empowering as opposed to a therapist telling you that you can’t change your past. We believe that in a way, you can. You can re-vision it to your liking. They may say, “But that’s denial”. Yes. Deny negative circumstances that you ARE aware of and did happen, that you are not denying happened, to remain in your psyche. Stop talking about it, feeling it, and defining yourself by it! Decide for yourself that you no longer need it in this dimension or the people who perpetrated it. You can cut them off if it was very, very bad and I encourage people to do that as long as you’re really done with it. Create something new for yourself that is balanced with who you are and what you want that includes your intuition and rational planning.

There is no need to go off the deep end with emotions or get dramatic about anything. The way to do that is to take care of the body and nutrition, make sure you are grounded in the body and have some structure to your self-care habits especially if you were not raised to take care of your body yourself. That’s very common so again, no need to complain about it. When it comes to physical care, overstep the emotions and just do it no matter what mood you’re in. That re-wires the brain. That’s where you start and any good fitness coach, medical massage therapist, P.T., or Reiki therapist can help you with the bodywork and the rampage of loving your body. I do that all the time with myself and my patients.

Remember that paying for and seeking help with your new life is money well invested and not a sign of weakness but strength. That said, you still have to do most of the work yourself.

Platonic Love? Which One?


 

Plato

 

Where does the term platonic love come from?

 

“It is named after Greek philosopher Plato, though the philosopher never used the term himself. Platonic love as devised by Plato concerns rising through levels of closeness to wisdom and true beauty from carnal attraction to individual bodies to attraction to souls, and eventually, union with the truth.”

He was also a pedophile so there you have seeds of the modern Greco-Roman Church. I also see in that progression the problem males have with the objectification and emotional attachment to the physical and getting a bit dramatic about that. As I’ve said before, women are very matter of fact about everything physical and attracted to a man’s vibe, affection, and generally whatever gets her motor running about him. We’re not particularly focused on his appearance or body parts as it is for men. Meaning, I’ve heard a man will “fall in love with” a woman’s breasts and marry her just for that; or her face; or her legs. I can’t even fathom being that superficial and most women would agree. This is the foundation of Platonic love designations; the way men love.

What did Plato’s mother do to him as a child? The subject is still not talked about in 2019. What’s interesting to me is that when the word “platonic” is used now, Eros platonic love (see below) is left out, usually by a man who has a whore-madonna or hookup-possession, black and white, passive-aggressive view of the role of women. There is a distinct pride many men take in denying women affection and love but not defecation sex. They know that women need and want affection as much as the sex act itself, maybe more. So there is a power play there. Women have check-mated that by going to the arms of other women or just satisfactorily taking care of themselves and being celibate. Thriving is important in the face of love withholding. I can’t say I blame women if they are in the least bit attracted to other women sexually. At least there are all kinds of love there.

I just ran into the word platonic today in an e-mail and now I need to take a shower because it was used in the context of denying Eros simply because I asked for love and affection with sex from this man who has been my friend for two years. We’ve gone from polyamorous hookup suggestion (Ludus platonic), lusty talk and plans with a mutual attraction to my REALISTIC lover and friend suggestion, to THIS.

I’m not doing PlatonicPhilia which is the way he means it. I don’t jump through men’s definition of relationships hoops because my needs are never met. What a disaster.

I looked up the different types of Platonic love and they are;

  • Eros is sexual or passionate love or a modern perspective of romantic love.
  • Philia is the type of love that is directed towards friendship or goodwill, often is met with mutual benefits *that also can be formed by companionship, dependability, and trust.
  • Storge is the type of love that is found between parents and children, and this is often a unilateral love, meaning a one-way street. Parents love the child but the child does not return it and leaves to form his own love relationships outside of the immediate family. It’s actually natural but many cultures won’t allow the child to become independent.
  • Agape is the universal love, that can consist of the love for strangers, nature, or god.
  • Ludus is a playful and uncommitted love, this is focused for fun and sometimes as a conquest with no strings attached.
  • Pragma is the type of love that is founded on duty and reason, and one’s longer-term interests.
  • Philautia is self-love and this can be healthy or unhealthy; unhealthy if one places oneself above the gods (to the point of hubris), and healthy if it is used to build self-esteem and confidence.

In my personal life, I am ErosPhilia with a lover or two, if the man is mature enough to tolerate it. I’m finding that they usually aren’t. Men emotionally need possession and territory of a woman (the way his mother adored him). The problem there is I’m not his mother.

I tend naturally toward Agape love in my public and work life, having Venus in Pisces. I love at all times which can be confusing for Americans. Since barely anyone really loves in our society on any level, because of lack of authenticity and loving touch, when they encounter someone who loves them at all, they mistake it for Eros or personal love. It’s not, nor can it be in a professional setting. If you’re not friends or have Philia love and know each other well, there can be no Eros. In the State of Michigan, it’s illegal to be in Eros with your clients as a bodyworker so it doesn’t happen.

They say, “There is no wrath like a woman scorned,” but I think there is no wrath like a son of a mentally ill mother who neglected him and possibly abused him sexually. I believe those wounds go deep in men and are largely untapped in terms of public dialogue. A mother’s love is supposed to be the most sacred love on the planet, yet, most men I’ve talked to don’t speak very respectfully of their mothers. I think it’s a complicated relationship for a man, to be sure; the most complicated of his life, bar none. The women he has relationships with bear the brunt of it.

I haven’t thought about or had a platonic relationship since I was in my twenties! Good, God! This idealized, Philia love with no sex is so…dumb and unrealistic. It’s also highly unnatural. Anyway, it’s a good thing I can unpause Zoosk at any point.

you've got to be kidding me

This could be considered a slight move toward lover awareness on his part but the overriding energy of a lover is awesome sex and affection or Eros. It’s not idealized at all! It’s full of Eros, is extremely carnal,  meaning body which is all good. Yes! Come on! The body!

The garden still lies fallow. I hate to say it, but this Platonic Philia crap sounds like religion to me. Next thing I know I’ll be hearing about Church and that he’s saved.

Longing


kissing

 

Languishing, ardent desire isn’t a painful kind of suffering,

It’s fulfillment; the kind that worries lacking it.

Your voice…a deep bell struck under water causing small

ripples in my undertow.

It’s engorged life, fertile effulgent, flaming magma-like flow

Not too much! You’re perfect.

My sighing kisses embarrass for a moment while I check my breathing

It’s a strong, mutual heartbeat echoing through my body

And I believe I am undone…again.

 

Skin


pick a tomato

Shell of a turtle, a carapace, guards your continuance of electric water, straight to your brain, pulls your vibration down in by degrees.

Your skin like a husk full of ridges on corn smells sweet,

hard to pull off at the bottom, tassel so soft on my face, the smell of earth.

Your arm was warm and pleasant as the first tomato of summer in my hungry hand.

Let me bite into that luscious fruit, so sweet and tangy

 or a mango stream of juice down my chin.

I’m distracted, clement smells from your back

Why are so sweet yet so smart and severe?

No end to touch makes my breathing peaceful.

I feel happy…oh god I’m doomed.

Indeed, it only lasted one day and you ripped your skin from me again.

At least you can’t take the memory from me.

Words can never erase actions like skin can never cover feelings.

 

Pleased


I wish I was pleased like a normal woman you see

but fucking isn’t that simple for me.

I’m sensitive to vibes, love, or lack of it

Monkey in trees, bull moose I’m not comin’.

I’ve plenty of space, time, and energy galore

but I just can’t see myself being your score.

Where a man just comes over to get me one off

I’m not pleased by just that, and it makes me scoff.

I’ve had plenty of THAT, it’s as easy as pie

I guess what I want is that pie in the sky

Love, warm kisses, caresses, and looks

Time to lay down next to him in his crook.

Put down your damn phone! and feel flesh after all

There’s more to my girl than just tits and my doll.

My whole body’s RIGHT HERE for you to enjoy,

Can one of you guys calm enough to employ

your heart and your senses to know who I am

care enough to spend time and just be a friend?

 

Probably not.

puzzle-klimt-eventail-index

 

 

Women Feel the Need to be Like a Colorful Male Bird? Yes.


 

 

 

 

I don’t. But many women don’t like to be ignored. Kind, smiling, pretty, plain women are preferred by a husband for marriage (hurrah!) But when it comes to fun, sex, and money, because of the sexual objectification of women, men prefer novice, meanness, titillation, color, and bitchiness. Women are just actors in men’s psychodrama and it’s important for women to see that if they want to choose to lead authentic lives and play no role for anyone. Some men see women as human beings but most don’t. They can’t because we’re more human than them and rival them in a myriad of ways. That’s not something that they can psychologically handle.

In many cultures, men are free to have a wife and a mistress so they can have the status they need and basically have their cake and eat it too. Then the women can choose whichever role they prefer to play for the man as long as patriarchy continues. Women put on all the colorful makeup and clothes, along with gay men.

In nature, the males are bigger and more attractive, dance around and are colorful. The females are just…great the way they are and the colorful men pursue them and show off. I certainly see that with Bruno Mars and the Hooligans. They’re adorable to me! I don’t know what the guys think. I know quite a few women who think they are some fancy birds dancing around and showing their stuff. Most females do love it. That is nature.

But I wonder why our society is topsy turvy, where the women feel the pressure to be colorful; LIKE MEN? I shunned public performance because I’m very feminine and come across shy. I’m not shy with a man one on one…at all. But my nature is female! Why would I want to draw a ton of attention to myself? I do get courted by men but not men that I like. That’s troublesome. It’s because I don’t strut myself like a male bird.

I notice the women on the news are expected to be very aggressive in their tone of voice and buff. Patriarchy essentially means men want men because they feel they are superior to women. Women are viewed as defective by men that cling to patriarchal misogyny…and football. Many men don’t, I know. So women are only desirable if they’re more like a man. That means the man is essentially homosexual. I’ve never heard anyone suggest that but I see it. He prefers males or women that are aggressive or bitchy. Gag me. That’s the alpha way and obviously, I’m beta. No alpha man has ever pursued me and won’t. Good!

Just throwin’ this out there. Women who succeed in public are either very assertive, aggressive or a lesbian. IN NATURE, that is a preponderance of testosterone which is alpha male. Beta women that don’t want to act like a guy are ignored, except by the beta males who are trolls, nerd, artists, and freaks (women are all of that too). It now suggests the issue of alpha vs. beta. I believe our society is moving toward the rise of the Betas.