Friendship First When Dating


man and woman

…or you can be sure she is using you for sex, which is what she assumes is the main thing you want and you both go down together. No one’s life is improving there. If it’s what you both want I guess it’s fine but it’s not what I want. I’ve decided I want the whole deal again.

It’s a good idea right off the bat to be honest about what you’re looking for. There are plenty of women who just want sex and not a relationship also! You can also pay for a woman’s services and they will be professionals, fit, limber, lingerie, come-fuck-me-heels, ready to go for a price! They are the ones who are cynical about men and have given up on love and have no faith in men to be intelligent, relational, human beings.

Every woman has given up on men at some point on a heart level but not all of us can do that to our bodies.  It’s toxic energy but many men are actually at the level and staying at that level. I’m not in denial about it.  I don’t think that will be good sex, but, hey, everyone has their standards. I don’t shame men anymore either. I actually believe it’s men’s natural level to be absolutely shallow about sex and natural for women not to be. The much bigger deal to them is friendship and caring. Sex is easy for men and they’ve been shamed for it, unjustly. Women aren’t shamed for being relational or wanting to have children which all comes naturally to us! We need to stop sex-shaming everyone! So there is absolutely no point of lying and using a good woman who wants friendship, to get to know you as a person, to be with you, and possibly the whole deal.

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The Truth as a Weapon for Materialism-Part 2


Rumi Water

“There is, however, a significant weakness hiding in the imposing-looking materialist redoubt. It is as simple as it is undeniable: after more than a century of profound explorations into the subatomic world, our best theory for how matter behaves still tells us very little about what matter is.”

 

Here is the link to the full article; Where does consciousness come from?

Defining truth is weaponized when surrounded by religion or state dogma which is dominated by males. The truth is not found in religion or government. The subjective truth is that each of us has our own feelings, experiences, and opinions and for the most part, that’s what we spew as truth. It’s personal. It’s just our truth, no one else’s. However, it’s weaponized by virile, good looking, confident, dominant alpha men who are looking to make a buck. Sometimes they become church leaders and sometimes leaders of a movement that indirectly only wants followers to agree with him. Anyone that disagrees, especially a woman, will be punished and thrown out. They are not interested in discussion and the only women allowed a position in the movement are smiling, not very intelligent, passive women.

Then there is the empathic truth, what we can feel. That is a temporary truth but it is factual because it’s the truth about how you feel at the moment. Feelings rarely, if ever last like a moving stream to the sea so it’s important not to call it love. Love is literal energy and behavior, not feelings. Love is a mindset. I call it heartset.

The rational truth is, who we are as human beings, intelligent, conscious, biological cells are made by our mothers, who are women, and just seeded by men. In fact, the word “matter” comes from that Latin “mater” which means “mother”. It is important to note here that the rational mind is the combination of the right and left hemispheres of the brain which are intuitive and analytical. The fact is they always work together and when humming forms the higher mind.

If most of the scientists are male and being paid by males, run in a male-dominated institution, they’re going to do their damndest to not talk about or acknowledge THIS TRUTH and expect us to live with “the reality” that they should be able to define and control matter, not us. That’s a weapon. The institutions of materialism are ironically used as weapons against women who make matter in our bodies. That matter obviously has consciousness. The truth is matter is female in every way and it’s best exemplified in our flesh, our muscles and blood and the soil of the earth. Blood is QI which is Chinese for consciousness.

That best we can do is share power. The men need to give up on patriarchy and it’s institutions, support women leading in every field, at the very least equal with male leaders, or the species will end once again. They can’t win. It’s nature. The majority of our bodies are muscle and blood and the majority of the earth is soil and deeper down, dense rock that used to be soil and geothermal energy whose magma is the liquid rock. It’s all…soil. The seeds are just on the surface. Women are everything. There’s no getting around it and many men refuse to accept it. It’ll kill the planet and our species if this keeps up.

Friend-Zoning in Relationships


Between-Men-And-Women-There-Male-Female-Friendship-Quotes

I think Oscar Wilde was old school. We’ve all been friend-zoned and it is possible. It’s much easier to be friends with a gay man than a straight man and vice versa for men for obvious reasons.

If a man is attracted to me, maybe he actually hit on me and tried to set up a “hook-up” as opposed to a date. Being a woman, I lean towards a date to keep things at a human level as opposed to the meat market level. A “hook-up” is giving in to the guy’s low standards or no standards of relationship. They might not see it that way but I/we do. Many women today do give in to it and use men for sex only also. Patriarchy has taught women to do that. It’s the man’s way, not the woman’s way and can be considered realistic or cynical depending on your perception.

As a woman, I’m actually looking for the friend-zone with a straight guy I’m attracted to so we can be lovers. Men think women friend-zone them if they’re not interested in sex because that’s what men do to women but that’s not the case when a woman has high standards but isn’t into possession. Men friend zone women that;

A. They are not attracted to.

B. They’re attracted to but she won’t have sex with him quick enough.

I’ve been friend-zoned by my Twin Flame based on several infractions actually, but I don’t want to get into it because he makes me mad.  I hurt his feelings. I get it. But I apologized and he has not accepted and maybe will not forgive me. See; cold-hearted.

Will a man do friend/lover? Or do they have to have P/P.; either a prostitute or possession? Meaning, does a man have to think, “You let me have you too quick like a prostitute, I got my jollies, even though that’s what I wanted, so now I drop you.” or “I adore your body and you and I’m in love with you, let’s be a couple.”

My point is, women WANT the friend-zone with a straight man they like. Most of us require it or we’re not turned on. We’re relational. Men don’t want the friend-zone because…they’re turned on by meanness and their own power trip, not niceness? Relational makes them limp? I think so but I’m not sure. It’s a jungle out there.

 

I’m Sort of Training Him


zooskHe’s acting more like a human being than a dog in heat now through my gentle instruction. I’m teaching him how to treat me which I think all men need. Yes it makes them high maintenance but some of them are so dang cute, I do bother with it.  Still, this guy is a live wire. Good thing I guess because I tend to be too. For my young readers, we’re in our late 50’s and sex gets hotter not less hot, just for the record. There is plenty of libido there. I’ve been through this too many times with men not to know what’s going on.

Men are very emotional; far more than women yet they have no societal permission to express it. They express it through sexuality if given the opportunity. I accept it now. I’ve seen it so many times that it would be like asking a dog not to bark or a baby not to cry. Men are lusty.

Some cultures also have the matriarchal thing going on where the man’s mother either adored him too much and never emotionally let him go or the opposite. Either way, it messes with a man’s intimacy wiring. He is a very handsome Hispanic, very foxy, super hot lips and…everything. But I’ve heard the Hispanic mothers love their children more than any man or anything in the world. Maybe the adoration is over the top and the males can’t bring themselves to be truly intimate with another woman; a heart bond specifically.

Once again, he has children but never married. I’m only hearing this on Zoosk from the Hispanic men. Interesting. Holy crap, as a white woman, I try to fathom HOW? a man can have three children with a woman and never love her enough or the family enough to marry her? And why would a woman do that with a man? In the white culture, we’re taught that you owe it to the woman and children to show your loyalty, support, and presence for her and the children through that ritual and then you’re monogamous during that time. My followers know I don’t believe marriages last and that’s nature, but while you’re young and have a family, I do believe you need to be married. I’m thinking these men have yet to ground their emotional independence from mother and family and thus, they can barely begin or ground their own family. Sounds tragic to me and is quite enlightening.

I need a heart bond with a man or I’ll find my lusty self using his ass. See, that’s what’s unfair! So say we do have hot sex. He cannot think, by a long stretch, that he, or I, are in love with each other and circle wagons around me. So then you’re in that territory and someone will get hurt because there is some kind of intense attachment there because of the sex but it’s not love. I know that but I don’t think he will.

I know we have nothing in common. I know he’s not my type in terms of personality. I am reminded of the line from Bernadette on Big Bang Theory when she was chatting with Penny in her room about having a hookup. She said with a huge smile on her face, “You mean like having your way with him and throwing him to the curb with teeth marks on his hiney?” Penny says, “I’m not going to do that!” But then she changes her mind. That’s what being horny does to us and we don’t prefer doing it. Yes, we like hot sex as much as men but it starts to complicate things.

I just don’t know. My twin flame emailed me back this morning and he was such a brat. He either treats me like a queen or like he acts like he hates me and won’t forgive the missteps when I was out there. Seriously, what is that?? He is resisting his feelings for me I think and because I’m in love with him and he knows it, I’m not going away. He can push all he wants, like until we die and I’ll see him on the other side.

Then I live with unrequited love. I have no control over a man’s heart and I have no control over who I love and who I don’t. It just follows nature, like my body. What should I do? Will a liaison with this Zoosk guy mess up the vibe with my Twin Flame? My intuition says it might. But I’m not one to live with unrequited love either.

He asks, “Do you show your cleavage?”


zooskI’m not renewing when this subscription is up. Bunch of losers. Isn’t there enough porn online without treating good women who are looking for good company like prostitutes?

Once again, he’s pretty good looking, has a good job, blah, blah, blah. Butters me up and says, “Hi beautiful”. I haven’t met this chap in person yet. I’m not a prude once I like someone but you guys make a huge mistake not just hiring a prostitute for a hookup and wasting the time of good, smart women. If you are a slut, have no self-esteem and are an active addict, do us a favor and leave us alone. You need to hire a woman. We don’t want you because you don’t want yourself.

He wants mostly sex pictures and to talk because he’s lonely away from home at his job site. He asked to see my cleavage today, which is perfectly fine and adequate by the way. MY MIND is even better but he’s not interested in that. Haven’t you guys gotten the memo that the human mind is the biggest sex organ? He can take my word for it. Not even so much as a “Howdy ma’am” or “How are you?” Just, right to the point of his buttering me up. He’s toast and I’ll give him his butter back to put on it.

You Have to Reach Out to Him First


zooskZoosk again. *Sigh*. I had a male friend say, “I think currently, men want to you to reach out to them first.” “Oh really? It wasn’t like that when I was younger. So that’s changed over time.”

Ok. Not a problem. I know who appeals to me and who doesn’t so that’s what I did. My profile and is nice and honest. I’m not negative at all. My pictures are pretty. I get a ton of views and really troll-like men sending hearts but a few good ones. I respond. When I get chatted up by a decent, clean, intelligent guy, I’m happy to meet for coffee as long as he doesn’t have a gigantic cross hanging around his neck. I’m only interested in spiritual guys; no religion. Religion is just an emotional cover for addiction. The maturity timeline goes like this; active addict believes nothing and resents his family, then religious and sober forgave his family, then sober, self-defined, independent from family and spiritual. It is extremely rare to find a male at the 3rd level but that’s all I have time for.

Now coffee is barely happening. They don’t show up or follow-up to set it up!!!

It’s just coffee!! What is so serious and weird for a guy emotionally about coffee? I’m mystified. There is no fantasy here. We’re just meeting each other. I’ve heard that men are so insecure that they “hope” you’ll like them. Well, how can I know if you don’t show up for an agreed-upon date?

I guess their egos are so fragile that the prospect of getting shot down by a beautiful, intelligent woman is too scary? Wow. There is no woman I know who has so much ego invested in a hot, smart guy that she’d lay her self-esteem on the line for his approval or non-approval. Why are you guys so down on yourselves?

Can you just relax? I think they think women like me are monsters. I really don’t know.

Thank God I’m in touch with my Twin Flame but he’s sitting on his hands too…or something, as though he has a local supply of what he needs which apparently isn’t love; just security and habitual “male activity”. Typical. They never want love because they don’t know what it is. I know…I’m cynical or maybe just realistic.

Why Do People Hate Smart Women? | Psychology Today


Expansion-Paige Bradley
The sculptor is Paige Bradley

 

This is another great article on this topic only this time the comments are super revealing. Enquiring minds need to know… lol. Just scroll quickly to the top to see the full article.

Psychology Today-Why Do People Hate Smart Women

This is a comment by S.C. on this great article;

Being an incomplete female, the male spends his life attempting to complete himself, to become female. He attempts to do this by constantly seeking out, fraternizing with and trying to live through and fuse with the female, and by claiming as his own all female characteristics — emotional strength and independence, forcefulness, dynamism, decisiveness, coolness, objectivity, assertiveness, courage, integrity, vitality, intensity, depth of character, grooviness, etc — and projecting onto women all male traits — vanity, frivolity, triviality, weakness, etc.

It should be said, though, that the male has one glaring area of superiority over the female — public relations. (He has done a brilliant job of convincing millions of women that men are
women and women are men). The male claim that females find fulfillment through motherhood and sexuality reflects what males think they’d find fulfilling if they were female.”

Comment by anon;

It is true that a lot of people hate intelligent women, but they don’t like to admit to it. Watch how frequently intelligent women have their appearance insulted. Those people are expressing their jealousy at her intelligence, whilst at the same time trying to persuade her that her intelligence has no value, because most people only care about a woman’s looks. Comparing mothers and fathers you’ll find that when a father goes to work he’s “providing for his family”, but when a mother goes to work she’s “abandoning her children”“.

Here is a comment by Cathy. This one is really good and I’ve had the same thing happen in physicians offces I’ve worked in where I solved a patient’s body dilemma.

“I’ve experienced rabid reactions from men numerous times in relation to points 3 and 6. (in the article). Both of those points are related. Just conversing in terms of normal average level of intelligence in a spirit of shared understanding in a social situation has resulted in men lashing out immediately with paranoid and derogatory accusations that what I am really doing is trying to make out that I “know something”. Apparently, as an adult woman I am not allowed to “know something”. I am talking about just normal conversations referring to every day things. If I try to point that out to defend myself all they do is continue to accuse me of trying to make out I “know something” by referring to everyday things, as if that made me a rotten bitch.

These men would never explain to me what their problem was, and I was always unprepared for this crap because it is so irrational, but it relates to the idea that many men don’t think their theory of mind relates to women, so in their mind we would never be ‘able’ to have a normal conversation for real, so therefore it must be some kind of trick that we are playing on them.

I wondered if it might just be men of low socio-economic status that had this faulty thinking. Then at one point I dated a CEO and founder of a software company. He prided himself on an image of himself as a man of extra high intelligence, so I thought he would know better. Unfortunately not. On a day out were in a shop that sold games that tested intelligence. He wanted to go in but I have no liking for those kind of games so I went into another shop and he was in there on his own and he and another guy spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to extract this piece of metal out of a glass bottle. Apparently it’s rigged so you have to be pretty smart to figure out how to get it out.

By the time I walked in to the shop he and the guy had given up. They handed me the bottle, and after looking at it for about 30 seconds I figured it out and extracted the piece of metal. My CEO boyfriend says to me “If we (he and the other guy) couldn’t figure it out how could you do it” – with the emphasis on the word ‘you’. He was really shocked and kept going on and on how it would have had to be a fluke that I got the metal bit out and that I couldn’t have really solved it for real. It was really insulting, yet he seemingly had no recognition that he was being insulting and derogatory to me. I politely explained to him that to get the thing out I actually had to work out the only way it could come out, I didn’t just randomly jigger with the thing and fluke it – but he vehemently objected to the idea that I could have been able to do any such thing, and when I asked him why he thought that he said that he didn’t believe that I could be smart enough to do even one single thing that he and another guy couldn’t do. When I asked him to explain why he would think that, he couldn’t explain. That made two things he couldn’t figure out in 20 minutes for someone who proclaimed himself to be so incredibly intelligent. It’s obviously a delusional theory of mind, and it’s a very common experience that I have had with men and it’s disgusting. It’s made me stay away from relationships, and social situations altogether where I will come in contact with men.”

I’ll stop there. All I can say is I can relate. Also note, there are very intelligent women out there who play dumb because it makes a man feel more secure. It manipulates his ego. That’s one way to play it. I don’t waste my time with that.

live body in my dream state


Rumi Water

Busy dream night,

Most of it gossamer ethereal as usual.

Then, like a prodigious mammal in the Cimmerian pitch-black

Under my sheets, literally, physically, corporeally

While I was still in my dream state!…

I felt a man curled up next to me…

Substantially, mundanely, sensibly…

But he was not literally THERE.

There was no actual man in bed with me.

I didn’t wake up.

I just remembered it explicitly when I woke up

As quite an odd abeyance.

I think I know who it was

but I don’t know why he was there.

It wasn’t creepy, just surprising.

a middle-aged, healthy woman gives up nothing during sex; she gains.


zoosk

This article is so interesting as far as the male psyche goes. I had to read several sections a few times to understand it and I still need to mull it over.

Men Lose Respect for Women With Whom They Have Sex

“Some men and many women have been socialized into thinking that the woman gives up something during sex. This speaks to the male’s vision of conquest. He believes that he has said or done something to make the woman give in to him. He knows his true intentions are less than honorable, and so he projects his own internal sense of unworthiness onto the female by saying it is she, not him, who is worthless, easy, fast, desperate, stupid, etc. for falling prey to his advances. This kind of thinking completely strips the woman from having any natural right to her sexual desires and her choice to act upon such desires.”

The men don’t always say it’s the woman. My date felt guilty about himself because we were extremely lusty with each other. I never feel guilty about my body or sex so he was alone in that. But that last sentence is not something I’ve ever allowed but always wondered why my attitude wasn’t going anywhere. The energy would just fall flat so it seems it’s true. We are not empowered as women ruling over our own body yet, fully.

I’m dating on Zoosk again, having learned a few things the first time around with middle-aged men. I’ve had two bizarre dates in one week. The nice part was both men were very good looking, showed up, and we had good talks. The matching theme was they were both still hung up emotionally on past women and felt the woman broke their heart. They barely had anything good to say about her and blamed her for the end of things. I didn’t stand a chance to even start anything with either one of them. So why did they date me? One was just to talk and the other was horny and wanted sex. This was months or years ago and they hadn’t gotten over it. I’ve always conjectured that men get far more emotionally attached in a steady relationship with a woman but my experience with these men proves it. Guys are squishy!

The second thing is they tend to feel guilty about their sexuality probably because it’s so easy for them to just f*k and not be emotionally involved at all. I think they deplore themselves to a certain extent just because it so natural to them. I’ve even conjectured that men prefer to have sex with bad, cruel women because it’s a turn on for a man with low self-esteem which is many of them. They’re not really attracted to happy, lovely women. The younger men who are looking for a mate and mother for his children will look for a woman like that to marry because she is acceptable to his family but then choose a racier, wild woman on the side. It serves his desire for novelty. It’s not that he doesn’t love his wife, it’s that she’s too busy with the kids to be sexually deviant, to keep him entertained, and may not be a lusty type of woman.

Third, they were both pretty depressed, not happy campers. They both hinted at being lonely and talked about their kids and family far more than I did. I am the opposite of all of that so none of that sits well with me with a guy. Now that I think of it, every man I’ve been married to or dated has told me he’s depressed. It’s an epidemic. Not so with women. Women tend to be happy or know how to make themselves happy. I’m happy generally speaking and doing very well single.

“Women are perceived as being a threat simply because of their desirability. One facet to explore would be that the male ego is built upon a need or a drive to conquer, to expand, to be strong, to be dominant, etc and in the end, it is the female whom the male inevitably feels weak to.”

This quote applies directly to a good friend that I really like and am attracted to who is out of state. He’s as much as said this and I’ve been confused by it for ten months. The last thing I’ve ever tried to do with a man is to control him. I don’t have time or desire to conduct a man’s life yet he keeps saying women are so controlling. What kind of women has he been in a relationship with? Weak ones with no life and no ambition, no dreams? Co-dependent ones? I’m looking at that far away in the rear view mirror.

“Men are quite aware of how much we mean to them and this need for us can easily be misconstrued as being a weakness. So what do men do about their weakness? What do they do about things that they feel are beyond their wilful control? They try to deny their vulnerability while forcing their will. Thus women have many rules, stigmas, religious guidelines and laws to ensure that we are kept in a psychological position of subservience. It is no secret that most men do not like to even think of the woman of their affection being with another man. (possession) Fear causes men to manipulate women into denying their feminine desires which in turn causes us to feel guilty and sinful for certain behaviors.”

Nope. Not happening in my world. My male friend has been trying to keep me on a hook in just this way although he would never admit it. We both love each other as friends, spoken! We are both very hot for each other…spoken! We both want to have sex…spoken! But now he says he won’t go there with me because he “never does relationships”. Yes, he has. He told me he’s had two serious relationships with a woman. He’s friend-zoned me but I may have done it first frankly after he cavalierly said, “We can get a room.” The friend zone may as well be the “Twilight Zone” as far as I’m concerned unless I consider him my gay friend even though he presents very straight. Well, I believe him based on what he’s told me and the fact that he’s never been married. I don’t know what’s going on. The short of it is, we have so much in common and are so attracted to each other that we’re not ready to go there yet. I’m cool.

I’m leaving it to lie and getting what I need from other men. I’m not staying on his hook but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I do. But I won’t be controlled or denied sexually. No way no how. That’s an empowerment issue for me. Women need sex! Middle-aged women need sex! Are you going to supply it or not fella?

I don’t know if men in the U.S. think this way. I hope not. I do believe we’re coming to a more equitable sense of responsibility as consenting adults. The exception would be the religious men; Christians, who continue to want to be married and “take care of” a woman. This all needs to drop away. My last date was a Christian and he had no conception whatsoever of my humanity and conceiving of me as an independent woman taking care of myself. It was lost on him. That said, he was a very nice guy. Most of the men on Zoosk are Christian which is extremely troubling. That’s not going to work for me at all.

We’ll see. No sex the first date, that’s for sure. The way I’m feeling about my out of state friend who I talked to today, he’s the only one I want right now. Uh oh.

Intuition is Biological


if you're intuitive you're highly intelligent

Sara Griffiths is a writer for The Daily Mail in the U.K. She wrote this article.

Intuition is Biological

Lower exposure to testosterone in the womb gives females an extra ‘sense’

  • Scientists describe intuition as automatic, unconscious thought, while reflexive thought requires conscious analysis and takes more effort
  • A University of Granada-led study carried out a test on 600 students to see whether men are less intuitive than women
  • They looked at the ‘digital ratio’ – an indication of prenatal testosterone levels – that compares the length of two fingers
  • Men have a lower ratio and responded in a more reflexive way in the test, while women gave more intuitive answers indicating intuition is biological

That said, some men have low testosterone and some women have it higher. So, the issue is not gender but testosterone level.

Scientists describe intuition as thoughts that are processed unconsciously and automatically, requiring little cognitive effort, while reflexive thought requires conscious analysis and takes more effort. Intuitive thoughts are considered to be more emotional, while analytical thoughts are more rational.

The last suggestion is incorrect and a false dichotomy. It’s actually been proven that reductionist, rational analysis is slower and less efficient. Intuition is emotional and rational but the person doesn’t indulge in either one. Both of those just flow like a river. The intuition uses the entire brain, both hemispheres, left and right, rational and creative to illuminate reason. Intuition is a high level of reasoning. Intuitive people also have higher intelligence and reasoning ability.

It is repression or denial of emotion that shuts off reasoning ability. Emotions have been proven to be uploaded to every cell of the body via the amino acid peptides. Your body has to read what’s going on emotionally or you could die. If you’re engaging in an activity or thought pattern that is destructive and you don’t allow your body to read it’s emotion in response to it, you’re in danger. Men do this all the time with their bodies and drop over. It’s also part of post-war PTSD. They pump up their testosterone to overstep their intuition and it essentially makes them lose their mind. Of course, women do it to trying to have more power in a patriarchal system. They think that mimicking men will make them better than everyone else but not very many women do because it’s SO antithesis to our natural body flow.

Intuitive thinking is quicker and makes more sense. All men and women need to hone their intuition to increase their intelligence and reasoning ability. It’s a no-brainer. Or shall I say, a whole-brainer?