Intimacy; How Do We Move From Lust to Love?


Do you know the difference between lust and love? I’ll go with the hard one first; Love. Love is when you want to take time to really know someone, to care about how they feel, what they need and what makes them tick. You want to be their friend. Friendship is the basis of all lasting, lusty, good relationships. It takes time and maturity to grow. Lust is everything else. Anything that’s not love is lust. Lust is the emotion behind most human interactions and has the face of greed, trolling on Facebook, offloading on strangers and the like. If you have no foundation of care and face-to-face friendship with someone you are indulging in instant gratification lust and there is nothing loving about it.

This issue has been challenging for me. I’m a very passionate, physical woman and have no problem lusting after men who are very attractive to me. I don’t act on it; it’s just fun. My personality and values are all about love. There isn’t really any other material thing I lust after; unless I’m really hungry. then I lust after food.

That’s a good segue because food hunger is almost exactly like sex hunger in the brain. And notice how many people overeat when they just need some love, affection, and sex. We’re looking for a serotonin spike and some other juicy brain chemicals that make us happy. I know I am. Food doesn’t come close to making me happy the way intimacy and love does. I don’t even like bothering to stop and fix food because I’m busy with my projects, writing, chores, things I love to do! Why do I have to stop and eat? I’ve always been like that. I’m not terribly fond of slowing down.

Now we see a problem here; denial of human need when you know it’s not likely to be easily fulfilled! I’ve been married three times to great men and had several great boyfriends. I’m still not satisfied. They weren’t perfect or didn’t satisfy me the way I really want to be. They didn’t make my brain and body explode with orgasmic happiness, although my last mate Michael came close. He loved me…really, really loved me and I loved him. Love is the sexiest thing going. Then he died suddenly. That’s not helping the situation. Love is definitely tragic.

It makes me wonder about eating disorders. If you take that denial of the need for love, warmth, and affection far enough it would make your brain or specifically, the hypothalamus gland stop craving food. So the emotion of lust would be good at this point versus the emotions around deprivation.

I’m not into deprivation at all but I am sorely afraid of loving a man, pulling him to me, and pushing him away because I need to be alone with my ideas, my mind, my life, my work, and my writing. I don’t want to hurt him. There has to be some intimacy and some time shared with your loved one or they will go away. I hate that.

broken_heart1I think I’ve stayed in lust mode in my brain because I’ve lost too many people I’ve loved. It’s like a car idling. My life isn’t idling but my feelings about bonding in a relationship are definitely idling. Maybe I’m stuck in lust gear because it’s emotionally safer. There is no risk of having your heart ripped out and stomped on the floor by death and life itself if you don’t go into love gear and really start driving.

 

Essay; A Woman’s Ego


 

Woman on a mountain

I originally blogged this on August 26, 2013; 6 years ago.

The book I wrote, “Healer” has a section on bonding; page 240.  Like most people, I believe that men and women have a tremendous amount in common biologically.  And I really do like most men.  However, socially, on Facebook, and in the town, I live in, the more I talk, as a literate person, as an intelligent woman with self-esteem that isn’t a doormat, as a woman who is a small business owner, the more I get called names like “egotistical” and “pathetic”.

So I decided to think about the difference between a woman’s ego and a man’s ego. There are books and articles about a man’s ego all over the place. The “fragile male ego” is well known.  But the woman’s ego?  Imagine, the “fragile female ego” being bandied about.  It’s more like, “New discovery!  Women have an ego! Make a flag for them!”

The definition of the ego is a sense of “yourself” or “self-centered”. Everyone starts out at a young age with a natural inborn sense of who they are as a person unless your parents or religion beat it out of you. That’s possible and maybe prevalent, but not healthy at all. People do tend to feel more secure if they agree with one another.  It’s curious.

A woman…with a sense of “herself”, pride, dignity, accomplished….well, she doesn’t sound very sexy.  Or does she?  Why do I assume she has to sound sexy? She doesn’t have to but women want sex probably more than men do. If you described a man that way it’s sexy.

There’s our first red flag. Women are given the message early on that their attractiveness as a potential mate, for the purposes of reproduction, should define their sense of self-worth. Thus the obsession with superficial looks as opposed to a big brain, articulateness, education, in essence, the character Amy Farafowler on “Big Bang Theory” (who I love). It’s just starting to catch on. And we are ever so grateful to Dr. Barbie and Corporate Manager Barbie to serve as a role model for young girls.

Yes, women have an ego.  Yes, women have a sense of themselves as an individual. Our needs with regard to education, intelligence, level of respect and pay in the workplace, respect in the home, respect from our sons, access to team sports, et.al are EQUAL to men.

I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life writing and living an example of a woman with an ego who loves.  You can’t love from emptiness.  You can’t love if your body is falling apart because you’ve given your last ounce of life force to everyone else. Women can be an example of how to take care of ourselves first and then whoever else we prefer to care for.

ed8be285-497b-4bda-9ec5-901ff8710812.jpg

 

Heartset; Love and Lust are a Two-Way Street


Both women and men love and lust. Women don’t just attract men with their loving relationship skills and men don’t just attract women with their constantly lusty energy. There are plenty of women who no longer believe in love and have just given in to the lust paradigm of hook-ups, use, and throw which is what most men engender. So the women just go along with it having experienced too many men who don’t seem to want to love or don’t know how to. The women are busier making money than teaching the men about feelings or loving them in friendship.

There are also plenty of loving, sensitive men who do want intimacy, bonding, and a monogamous relationship. The key is obviously to find the person who wants the same thing as you. And it’s hard for men to trust women when many women are very bitchy or downright abusive and mean. They don’t take care of themselves and are in no mood to be loving to a man.

It does seem to generally be true that men are very, very comfortable lusting after women and just going forward with that and wishing for the woman to cooperate. It’s also generally true that women are more relational and loving and draw men in with that warmth going forward and wish a man would cooperate with that. The problem is, most women will not just cooperate with pure lust in a relationship with no bonding and most men will not just cooperate with pure loving relational energy in a relationship with bonding. There has to be compromise.

The truth is men sorely, sorely need someone who they can express their deepest feelings with and feel safe; someone who will be their friend with whom they can talk. They need a relationship far more than a woman. That can happen with a kind woman. The truth is women sorely, sorely need hot, great sex that fulfills their physical needs with a man who cares how she physically and emotionally responds to sex. Sex is spiritual to most women! We need a man who will stimulate our lustiness! I have yet to meet a man who really wants to get to know my body and soul sexually. I’ve almost given up. I wonder if men feel the same way about expressing their feelings to a woman without her making fun of him?

I don’t know. What I do know is that a woman’s lusty self needs to be stimulated by a man and a man’s relational self needs to be stimulated by a woman. Then both of them will be more satisfied and turned on.

 

anima and animus

Heartset; Privacy or Secrets?


Fall

The desire for privacy is vastly different than wanting to keep secrets. Intelligent people can feel whether you’re authentic or not. If you keep secrets, it’s a lie and manipulative. Spinning an image is politics and greed.

Privacy is for mystics and artists who need silence to hear their muses and manifest truth that comes out of their feelings and body. Privacy is needed to channel the intuition and bring forth Love.

Intuition and Love


You-cannot-love-without-intuition.-Graham-GreeneThis one floored me when I saw it. What do you think?

The first question I asked myself was “Why is this true?” The quote is attributed to Graham Greene. There are several to be found online and I’m not sure which one he is but those listed are all artists of some type.

I personally agree that we cannot love without intuition because intuition has its source in the unconscious mind, the Id, sex, chaos, passion, wild emotion, dreams and so forth. When we really love someone it’s a powerful draw, magnetic, a longing. In my case, it’s possible destiny. Sometimes the person shows up in our dreams. This is a psychic event as in psyche and not simply lust. I have experienced this. Have you? I want to know if you have. Tell me about it.

There is no rational reason why you are so drawn to this person. But many times there are synchronicities. I’ve blogged on here about my twin flame which was highly surrounded in synchronicity and still is. We’re still in touch, talked a lot last week, and he is being a little warm but nothing major. And another man is in my psychic space that I haven’t fleshed out yet. We haven’t met but I’d like to meet him. I’m not in love with him though as I am with my Twin Flame. Both of them have been in my dreams and are not just issues of lust so I know they are hooked to my psyche.

The Id, which is below the subconscious ego is also basically the lower body, below the navel. From a man’s perspective, of course, you cannot love without intuition because, for them, they cannot love without sex. That begs the question, “Is sex the seat of a man’s intuition?” Holy crap!!!!  I never thought of that but it makes sense. Let me know if you think that’s the case. Women will be floored if that’s true. I need the men to let me know if sex is intuitive for you. I better stop there. As a woman, sex is not intuitive for me. The seat of my intuition is chakras 6, 5, and 4 (third eye, throat, and heart)

I hope I hear from you.

 

Lisa T.

Prose; Getting Lost


orange desert flower

I loved that, as soon as I walked in the time-honored door, profusely late, you were concerned that I’d gotten lost, in trouble, or something else.

Melt.  Kiss.

Mmmmm.  That’s the good stuff.  I’m going there and staying in that sterling feeling.  It’s a crack memory in my brain.  No one can take it away.  I keep a pile of those in a festive drawer for a rainy day.

Heartset; Take Good Care of My Heart?


Who should take good care of your heart? The only one taking care of your heart should be you. Only share it with everyone else. Your heart condition is your business! Anything else has a disaster at the end of it or chaos. We all know this! Why do people keep doing it? Because it feels good…for a while! It doesn’t last peeps. Lust feels good. Love lasts forever and that comes from loving yourself and being your own best friend.

Do you remember this song? It’s originally a 1984 Jermaine Jackson, Whitney Houston tune. This a new arrangement. Once again, I like the music but completely disagree with the lyrics. LOL! Nevertheless, these two seem like good friends and are flirting galore. That’s very cool. I’m a musician. Musicians have quite a bit of creative eros between them so usually, things flow.

Heartset; “I love you”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is “I want to consume you like a delicious brownie.” But in truth, they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for and want a piece of it. It’s delicious! It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to be with you in person. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction to self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring and loving because they love and care for themselves and have forgiven those that have hurt them because the people who did that don’t love themselves. Welcome to Earth.