I’m publishing this again because I’m no longer jealous. I figured it out and myself and turned it around. But…this was most definitely true about a month ago. Life is a rampage. We mostly have to tangle with ourselves and what we want. Jealously is projecting your wishes for yourself onto someone else. In this case, who better than my Twin Flame to take the brunt of it. I have to say, I’m not particularly enjoying this journey. There is so much mirroring! It’s a good thing he lives in a western state, 1840 miles away at this point.
God, it’s horrible. I’m not a jealous person but I am right now! I’m never jealous of anyone because I really do love myself generally. Of course, we all have things we need to work on in our character but I do a self-inventory regularly and I’m patient with my process. My issues with men for thirty years turned into resentment and now I see it as jealousy. I’m jealous that by virtue of their gender, what men say, write, and do is taken 100% more seriously than women. When they write a book, it will likely sell. I’m smarter and more literate than most men and it’s doubtful that my non-fiction work will ever get traction. That said I haven’t tried yet because I don’t think it’s perfect. I need to edit it down further. It’s too long.
Have you noticed that women write stories, fiction, and cookbooks and it flies? Unless a woman leaves her receptive femininity and beauty at the door (like Camille Paglia) and is no-holds-barred intellectual, no one will hear a word she says. Women have to display their male characteristics to be heard in public.
I am jealous, I realized, of my Twin Flame. Why did he get to come onto earth in his perfect, thin, small cut male body that doesn’t bleed from the inside and doesn’t feel this neurotic need to sacrifice for his children and nurture others?
Since he is my twin flame, he’s the literal embodiment of my animus. This is part of the Twin Flame journey in facing myself in the mirror. He is perfect physically (although he doesn’t think so) and it makes me sick! He looks exactly the way I always wished I could look since high school. My body was almost exactly like his in high school but less muscle. I was a trim 137 when I was a junior. Both of us are only 5’4″; the same height so there really is no justification for either of us to weigh more than 150.
He doesn’t have all this rampaging estrogen that makes his body thick with the desire to bake cheesecake and cookies, to feed others and be fed. He gets to have all the testosterone that causes him to burn fat much quicker than me because men have more muscle than women, which also gives him more aggression and confidence in the face of life’s challenges where I want to retreat. Women don’t want to fight generally speaking. That’s hormonal! We’re estrogen dominant which makes us peaceful, chatty, and horny.
The worst part is the social advantages. Everybody listens to a man speak his mind no matter what color his skin is, just because he’s a man! Men’s ideas, thoughts, inventions, writing, and words dominate our world. Watch the public panels and meetings, the powerful Congressional committees and the staff of most universities. They’re men. Even white women are below all men in the human caste system. ALL men, every creed, color, intelligence level, criminal or not are listened to and taken more seriously than any woman by virtue of their gender. Well, gender is not a virtue; it’s just a biological difference.
There are many brilliant women on the planet of every creed and color and our ideas and writing need to be acknowledged if they’re good. But can anyone hear a woman’s ideas as good or will their bias always get in the way or her looks be too distracting for you to listen to her? All of our minds have been brainwashed to objectify women. Women especially do it to each other.
If a woman has a bigger brain than boobs in our patriarchal system, she doesn’t have as much power. Who is more famous; Stormy Daniels or Camille Paglia? “Who is Camille Paglia?”, you all say. Exactly.
She’s a brilliant writer and equity feminist that refuses to have sex with men and roots for their just treatment as much as women. I agree with her. Stormy Daniels is a huge chested porn star that had a liaison with Donald Trump, but she’s on the news all the time. The whole world knows who she is.
I’ve got my inner work cut out for me on this one. Jealously is a terrible trait that can only be turned by applying love. I’m not there yet.