You know the saying,
“It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”-Alfred Lord Tennyson
I have a new sense about it. If I love, anyone, for any length of time for any reason, my heart may break open but that is never a loss. I don’t feel that I’ve lost anything by loving but have gained. My soul is awakened by connection, care, and bonding.
What I lose is what I did not need; belief that I control that which I cannot; others and their feelings in addition to my feelings. I lose the belief that I can control their movement, coming and going. I lose ego, loneliness, radical independence, no connection, cynicism, even resentment for humans just because we can be weak!
All there is in the end is love. People say that all the time but I really feel I come from love and will eventually return to love. And love is what binds me together with all life forms.
So maybe my perception is that I’ve lost a lot in my life. That has indeed been my perception. But if I’ve loved and learned in the midst of that I haven’t lost anything at all; I’ve gained the gift of my soul being broken open.
As a writer and an artist, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Now I have the rest of my life to tell stories and express how tragically beautiful that brokeness can be and how it’s the only path to wholeness.
No one gets to skate past being broken. It’s pretty much what happens to everyone on this planet. We’re equal in that.
Susan Bauser, Artist
I read this article two days ago because I’m trying to figure something out.
My jaw was dropping open as I read it. I’m not sure I believe it but it is from “The Huffington Post” and the fellow sounded sincere. Then I discussed it with some women. They concur, they do believe men have actual “feelings” about their woman’s body that can be poetic, dramatic, and deep. The women don’t understand it or necessarily believe it either, but they do believe men have feelings too. But during sex? Because of our bodies?
My mind is blown. No man I’ve ever been with has expressed himself in a poetic way to me about my body. I’m not saying they haven’t conjectured it or that I’m not hot enough to have been with hot guys. I have! But they have not expressed themselves to me about how they feel. Why? I’ve gotten compliments about certain parts and of course the lusty chasing after me and wanting intimacy which a woman assumes means, the man is into her.
We call some of this lustiness from men objectification of women. It’s not really fair is it. If we’re straight, we love a man to love us. We need a man to take care of business. But why is feeling emotional and lusting after a woman’s body objectification when it’s nature? The men probably call it art…or love, or passion. If they do not feel passionate about a woman’s body, then what? Maybe they are gay or just not that into her, or have a different kind of brain that changes their libido…like high functioning autistic men.
It’s called objectification if the guy doesn’t care what you think or how you feel. I care more about how a man thinks and feels (and acts) than how he looks. In fact, his mind is what absolutely turns me on, far more than his body. I don’t know how many women are like me. His tone of voice and the timbre of his voice is the other turn on. I do believe most women are like that regarding a man’s voice. I think our brains are helping us pick the right man to be the father of our children when we’re young. After 50, that all changes. But continuing on about men’s feelings.
The author writes, “When a man is having sex, there’s a rush of emotions. When he sees a beautiful woman underneath him, or a beautiful woman on top of him, he gets lost in his sensations.”
I didn’t get the memo. I really didn’t.
He goes on to say, “Most of the time, the minute he’s released he realizes what he’s said. Then he thinks, “Oh my god, what did I say? I can’t believe I said all those things. I don’t really feel those things. I can’t believe I told her how much I love her, and how much I want to be with her!”
WHAT? Now, your fellow didn’t actually say this, but his “way” and his thoughts did, is what this author is saying. Well, how about that. I am certainly in a dark forest here guys. I wonder how many other women are?
The author finally says, “Our real feelings come out after the sex. I want you to remember that. I’d like you to pass along this blog to every single woman you know out there. Call it ‘dating insurance’. Make sure he has feelings for you after sex — before you commit your heart.”
I mean…where does it end? Is this guy high or is this true to the men out there? The mystery of it all.
It’s not very sexy is it…that word. It sounds very serious to me. It doesn’t matter how it sounds though because it’s an inevitable part of life.
Most of us like to have fun. Life is fraught with enough negative media, break-ups, death, grovelling for money and head banging over college exams and getting along with professors. It’s important to take breaks, go for walks, have some tea, dance, listen to music that makes you happy and want to move. I do all of those things to be happy in the midst of challenges, which will frankly, never end until we’re done with this life.
But there is another kind of growth. The kind where your heart is involved, reasonably so, but your mind assesses the situation and there is doubt. We make a very big deal in our culture about agreement, affinity, and a meeting of the minds. We’ve all been in enough relationships to know that you are never going to agree 100% on everything when you are mated or in a close friendship. This is one of the biggest challenges in life and the one that precipitates the most growth for my soul. It also causes the most angst. I think that is sexy but that’s because I’m a soulful woman.
Destiny plays a hand here. What lessons did you come to learn as a soul? What do you need to push through? Can you feel that certain people are good for you to be around and others are not? That is the case. “That’s NOT the kind of person I need to learn anything from!” If you can say that right away about someone, there ya have it! But with others, it’s not so simple. You might not agree with them many times but you love them and you have no idea why. I think it’s a gift.
If you’ve ever loved someone who is very different from you or at a very different place in their life, it feels mysterious. I wonder why I’m drawn to that person. I really don’t have a lot in common but just some. Maybe we have things in common that we don’t even know about yet. But what is superficial?; Political party, the past, and how much money we make as long as it’s enough to live or thrive as the case may be, style, culture. So don’t discuss the superficial things then.
What is important is whether or not our hearts are open and we care for people. Do we have faith in something eternal or at least something bigger than ourselves? Do we take care of and love our bodies (health)? Do we abide by the law? Do we want to improve our minds? I would say these are foundation issues in friendship and love.
I have lost all of the mates I’ve had so much in common with; either through divorce or death equally. That’s not what keeps people together. I believe it’s destiny and love that is the glue. Then I just have to roll with it because everyone has a choice in these matters.
The veneer on a piece of furniture can appear many ways. It can be layers of paint, different stains, all of it peeling off maybe. There can even be gashes and dent to the wood underneath.
What the wood is underneath is the truth and it’s rarely seen. It’s the heart of the matter. It’s how the piece of furniture looked at it’s founding; it’s construction done by the carpenters hand. I love watching that progress and how the wood smells.
When I look at any piece of furniture that has been stained or painted, I always wonder what the grain of the wood looks like underneath and what type of wood it is. Then I wonder who built it and in what year and for whom they may have built it.
All of our social media; facebook, twitter, instagram, on and on, are veneer of humans. We are all projecting a public image that we want others to think is true of us. It’s the image that we are comfortable with others seeing. It is the truth regarding how we express ourselves but it’s partial. It serves to protect our deepest emotions and events of our lives from being too visible, too vulnerable. Maybe we are aligning with a group that “fixes” all that was wrong with our mother or father instead of aligning with our true selves in group settings.
I actually accept that about others. The reason being…underneath we are all innocent children that have had to learn to cope in certain family dynamics and fundamental societal expectations where most of the time, no one asked us what we wanted or how we felt. They just told us what we should do. Knowing and obeying those parameters helped us survive, kept us alive even. So we view that compromise as fundamentally good. But it is surviving, not thriving. That’s how the veneer starts. Most of the veneer comes from religion, state schools, and our family.
It’s something to keep in mind when you communicate on social media. There is no way you’re getting an authentic picture of a person on any of those sites. We all cling to religions and political parties that we feel emotionally comfortable with culturally. That doesn’t mean that a person who is opposite of you doesn’t have a good heart or a stable mind. It’s amazing how convinced we can be of how right we are when we surround ourselves with people who agree with us.
It’s not about a group being right or wrong. It’s about caring to know who people really are underneath, listening, and being authentic ourselves. We’re called to love-not to judge…anyone…ever…for any reason.
I read Bruce’s 1st edition of this book several years ago when it came out and now finished his latest one with changes just now. I recommend this new 10th Anniversary Edition.
I was reading it because I’m writing my own book that is a memoir encompassing the first half of my life, with the theme of synchronicity cues I saw throughout my life that helped me navigate family and relationship scenarios. His recent research on epigenetics and the subconscious mind really opened up another panorama for me as I was raised in a genealogically myopic family. Ancestry was a very big deal. It was all well intended, not to be elitist or biased in any way, as my family heartily embraces other cultures. But it was still overkill.
In my family, I think the purpose was to sweep some skeletons back into their graves; to portray a picture of our family as better than it was in terms of behavior. This is nothing new. Welcome to the human family on this planet! Everyone wants others to believe they’re better than the other guy, that their family is somehow exceptional. God it’s nauseating.
So, here’s the new deal though. Bruce has scientific study upon scientific study showing that we are in the 2:98 ratio. Meaning, 2% of our DNA is from our family and 98% of our DNA is from our environment. What we hear, learn, see, speak, do, pick up like a sponge and imprint on and continue to morph ourselves on is mostly what makes us who we are. Your DNA keeps changing after birth and throughout your life. DNA is not static; it’s active! Your birth genes are practically squat. All they did was give you a blueprint for your body, but they don’t control your body. That’s the first breakthrough. YOWSA!! Right?
The 2nd big piece of news is that again, tons of studies have shown that your subconscious mind, as a baby, and even pre-conception, conception, pre-natal, and early post-natal are completely formed by your mother and father. Holy crap Batman we are SCREWED! Right? No. You still have a conscious mind and free will, if you use it and activate it. What your mother thought, felt, watched, said, experienced, ate, the people she hung around, imprinted your subconscious mind that you have no control over and cannot change. I thought I was going to fall off of my chair when I read that. The best thing you can do with this is have a good power sharing relationship between your conscious self (your will) and your subconscious mind (your programming).
Now, before we all panic, do you really know your facts here? What year were you born? Now go back 12 months (or so) and FIND OUT, if you don’t already know, what your mother was doing, thinking, feeling, and experienced a few months before you were conceived, and then when you were in utero. That is, if you can. This is big information for you because the way it works is, when you as a personality are not consciously picking your life today, willing the way you want things to go, making decisions, etc., you mind relaxes into vigilant subconscious mode, which you are not in the least aware of, controlled by…your parents. Holy crap!! This is frightening to me. When you wonder why you do something that you did not choose…look at your parents. You imprinted on it like a sponge in utero! It’s not your fault and you can’t change it.
I was born in 1963. My mother’s conscious mind, while I was in utero was in the 1950’s world. That is accurate. My house today tends to be retro, I’m traditional, love baking, home-making, cooking, gardening, eating, Leave it To Beaver nauseating stuff feels natural to me. I can’t help it! My conscious, birth personality is the opposite, thank god. I’m a free spirit gypsy, end of the line hippie, artist, dreamer, holistic, musician. Ah…that’s better. June Cleaver with hippie flowers and peace sign tatooed on her back is more like it. I will be going toward that light from now on.
So, if you want to understand yourself better, take your birth year and go backwards into your mother’s time, her way of thinking, and what mindset she was in when you were in her and you will find some BIG answers. Secondary to her is your father and then all the others in the home and others around them.
In 2012, the US spent an average of $8,915 per person on health care, reaching a total of $2.8 trillion. Wow. I’ve been gauging the tone of social media and TV media for people’s feelings about their health, healthcare, physicians, and wellness. I believe we may be reaching a saturation point with the public’s patience toward the current debacle of our healthcare system. It’s too expensive and many times doesn’t work to correct the problem, even though you’re paying a high price for it.
It is somewhat ironic that while the Federal Government is gleeful about the 14 million? newly enrolled citizens in the Affordable Care Act Insurance exchanges, all I hear in my office, in person-to-person appointments with other professionals, and on the street is disdain for Obama care. It’s a mandate! Not only that, a mandate toward how you are to care for YOUR OWN BODY! The federal government is going to make me pay an exorbitant amount per month for “what if” health insurance in a system that doesn’t even really cover services according to my holistic values? It’s supposed to; but it’s not. It’s in the law, but the insurance companies aren’t heeding it.
In 2009, the last time the N.I.H. (National Institute of Health) checked, Americans spent $34 billion dollars on holistic medicine in that year. That was 6 years ago. We’ve all gotten busier in my field. Massage Therapists in Michigan finally got a license! I’m guessing that amount is $40 billion now. It’s going to go up. Why? Because one thing psychologists know about human behavior is that people like to feel their own power. People like to feel that they have a choice. They like to know that they are in control of their own destiny. On the other hand, it’s a little too late for some people. They’ve trashed their body and mind, battle by battle in the war on their body. Then allopathic care is perfect for them. I think the federal govt. knows that, the insurance companies know that, and they’re going to make sick people, addicted people, and people who have not taken care of themselves pay for that. I’m not going to pay for that. I’ve practiced preventative medicine my whole life. I’ve worked out my whole life. I’m sober; addicted to nothing. The physical things I have to work on, I’m working on.
The main thing stopping healthy people now, with regard to their own body, is education about HOW? their body works. They believe that the healthcare practitioner holds all the cards because we’ve been trained in the body and it’s complicated. Well…it is. I studied just the anatomy and function of all the soft tissues of the body for 3.5 years with some smattering of organ function here and there. I am an expert on how your muscles, ligaments, tendons, and nerves work in your body and how they interact with everything else in the body. That’s valuable information because that makes up most of your body! But, I can condense it and teach you some. But you don’t need to know every bit. You just need to know what your options are based on some basic facts that no Doctor is going to tell you.
Mostly, you need to know how to do self-healing, how to focus the Mind, and understand how your mind does indeed manifest in who you are and how your body functions. You do have full control, if you take it and use it.
My observation of my own life, and others lives, is that Life falls in line when I follow my inner guidance and pay little attention to what others are doing. I’ll pay attention to what others are doing when it interests me! And I have many interests so I am interested in what many people are doing. But a REAL time waster for focused, intelligent, loving people is caring about what the larger society is doing. Television, news, “things”, competing, I mean…unless you feel super happy doing those things and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy-go right ahead. Really? It’s not going to lead you anywhere though unless you really enjoy your own company without them.
Being in debt to anyone is another way to have your personal power leached from you. I’ve found that I am free to earn as much or as little as I feel like as long as the only people I have to pay the way for is my own family; my son and I. I have the choice to keep my living expenses low so I can earn as much or as little as I want. So, it is a goal of mine to get completely out of debt and not be affiliated with a bank. I’m not affiliated with a bank at the moment; just a credit union. And I am almost out of debt. The bank’s job is to leach as much of your money from you as it can. So, I boycott them. I hope they go away.
Loving my own body and feeling the way I want to feel physically is another very empowering position to be in. When my time is wasted and I get upset, it’s hard to focus on a daily workout and pay attention to food nutrition. Ever notice that? Others drama is well nigh constant and can pretty easily pull you off of your track. I’ve been trying to lighten my load for about 25 years now. It’s fairly ridiculous. It is getting better now as I learn to focus no matter what.
One thing is for sure on this planet. When you watch and listen to people, they are interesting. They come in all shapes and sizes, proclivities, and talents. I like to watch individuals, not the larger society when everyone is acting like a pack animal. God bless the humans, as long as they don’t mimic each other incessantly.