Wanting to Be Right

Why do we want to be right all the time?

Why do I want to be right most of the time?

Why do I glee over saying, “See, I was right!”

Because we doubt ourselves too much so we are reassuring ourselves by saying it.

Because others who doubt themselves doubt us and say it!

Because others project their experience of being shunned for being or doing something that was wrong, onto us.

Because “if you make a mistake, you are forgiven”, isn’t widely practiced.

So, now I try to catch myself and say, “Lisa, do what you feel, study what you feel, write what you feel and use the best skill you’ve got.  That’s all you can do.”  I’ve got a lot of skill and I’ve paid the piper so I have no reason to doubt myself.  Whether anyone will listen and understand, I don’t know.

And now, when someone criticizes me harshly when I meant absolutely no harm and never do, I know that they have not forgiven themselves for being wrong or someone else has not forgiven them for being wrong or vice versa.

It closes the heart.

Wow, the feeling of being around someone with a closed heart and lots of conditions, or an open heart and few conditions, is night and day.

Axioms

The definition of an axiom is a self-evident truth that requires no proof.  When someone says to you, “the sky is blue, the grass is green and there is light from the sun every day,” that is axiomatic. Speaking for myself, as a female, that is most of what I see and experience in my life.  It’s common sense that comes through the body’s senses. I still love it and find mysterious levels but I have no desire to take an axiomatic or empirical truth and put it in a lab.  It usually turns out to be synchronicity, but that is another intuitive subject.

It is first classified as instinct through the ancient subconscious mind and climbs the ladder to intuition from the unconscious mind that comes through in dreams. That has happened to me all of my life. An experience I’ve had has gone from instinct to intuition because of a dream or dreams I’ve had.  It’s like breathing for me.

I hope it does for you too.  It makes life more enjoyable and understandable.

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The Source of Intuition is the Unconscious Mind

 

subconscious-unconscious-mind

Source Article:

Unconscious Basics

“The unconscious mind is not some black hole of unacceptable impulses waiting to trip you up, but it can be the source of hidden beliefs, fears, and attitudes that interfere with everyday life.”

It is also the source of vast wisdom that can aid you in expanding your conscious mind and help bridge the world of sleep and awake time if you can train yourself to remember your dreams.  I will be posting videos on that.  I’ve been doing it for years.

Bi-Gender Intuition

I believe that, even though women have a biological brain preponderance of intuition, plenty of men do too.  Plenty of women are naturally good at STEM;(science, technology, engineering, math).  I loved my chemistry set when I was eight. Most men are not as naturally tuned into their bodies as women are.  Again, this is not to disparage, it’s evolution.

I want peace, not gender war.

My wish is simple; that women do not expect men to be like women and that men do not expect women to be like men.  We are who we are and sometimes it’s a benefit for us to partner and live together, given enough space…sometimes.

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The Science of Intuition

“We thrive in a culture that believes rationality and prevailing scientifically proven logic rules over the knee jerk reaction to pull out of the parking lot or investigate a partner’s alibi. There are just certain feelings humans obligatorily follow without concrete reasoning.”-Samantha Olson  

Here is the article.  It’s short.

Intuition is Far More Than You Realize

Our subconscious mind is formed predominantly by our mothers in utero and then the environment of family and friends until we’re about seven.  We have no personal control over this nor can we change it as we become adults!  Do you know what your mother was going through or how she felt while you were in her?  This is where the rubber meets the road folks and you’d do well to ponder it or at least find out if you can talk to her.

On the flip side, the word intuition is based on the word “intuition” or “consideration,” formed by a collection of beliefs, experiences, and memories. The intuitive system is more hardwired into the human species than commonly understood. It is the automatic, mindless thought process that doesn’t require analysis or deep thinking.”

I agree with everything Samantha says here except the last sentence.  I pushed my mother’s voice and family voice to the back of my mind starting when I was nineteen, so I’ve been forming and living from my conscious mind for thirty-five years.  The conscious mind is called the “new brain”.  I’m now fifty-four so I’m used to living on the leading edge.  The intuition is not mindless.  I think the instinct is mindless, which is our ancient, animal instinct.  Real intuition comes from the conscious mind.  Instinct comes from 300,000 years of programming from the environment of our subconscious mind.  We’ve survived, so it has served us well.

 “When humans are forced or denied certain feelings during their prime stages of mental, physical, and above all emotional growth, guts can be faulty.”

This one really does rely on thinking back on your mother, her personality, how open she was, how free you were to express yourself.  My sisters and I were very free to express ourselves but my mother was almost always unhappy so none of us have a very solid sense of emotional security.  What is your memory?  It can help you unravel your relationship patterns to remember.  I was not denied any of my feelings in my very early stages. For that I’m grateful. The extreme restriction from my mother hit when I became a teenager and I don’t know why.  At that point, she absolutely tried to live her identity through me.  It’s only abated a little bit now that I’m in my fifties.  I believe many mothers and parents do this to their children.  I discuss it in my new book “Healer” which you can find in the menu on my home page.  There is no rhetoric in my writing. You may find it refreshing.

“Women, on the other hand, may have a stronger ability to make a successful intuitive decision because of their exceptional skills in reading other humans. Female ancestors needed to evaluate a situation quickly in order to tune in to their infant and their environment for protection and survival. Their brains were trained with peak awareness because they were protecting a heart outside of their own bodies. Female brains, therefore, evolved to have a larger composition and ability to organize chunks of environmental information at a time, giving them an edge to read people. So ladies, trust your gut.” 

There is this, right?  Women’s intuition, especially regarding the body really does rival males.  It’s an evolutionary development.  I believe men can be encouraged to be empowered in their body awareness though too as we move into the conscious mind, or the “new brain”.

We are in new territory in this cultural paradigm shift, using a new part of our brain that we have not used previously.  The archetypes from the Tzolkin Cosmology, The Tarot, Jungian, our larger media culture (TV and movies), and Nature will all be morphing as we form a new way of relating to each other.  I’ll keep my eye on it right here.

A Segment From “Healer”

woman on pier

Shortly before I finished writing this book, I had a dream and intuition about my sister’s health, so when my mom called and told me what was going on, I was not surprised. After talking to her on the phone, I had a vision that applied to my sister’s situation and anyone going through recovery from addiction.

Our subconscious mind that was imprinted on us from ages zero to six, predominantly by our mother in utero, but also our father if he was present, is our home on the shore (or woods), figuratively speaking. Year by year we build a pier, plank by plank, that we can walk out onto into the lake that is our conscious mind, aware of diversity amidst the unity that is the greater world, people, natural life, the planet, and the expanding universe.

If as the years’ progress, we let our planks rot with body abuse, guilt, grief, fear, blame, violence, war, negativity, and enmeshment, we are still supposed to have a safe, grounded shore to go to–the subconscious mind where we hail from which is our home and birth family.

The secure subconscious is what gives us the courage to leave the shore in our boat and go out and expand our conscious mind.  In that way we learn that people are just different, even if we don’t understand them.  There are still universal traits among all humans that unify our one human race among the various cultures.

It’s Better to Have Loved

You know the saying,

“It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”-Alfred Lord Tennyson

I have a new sense about it. If I love, anyone, for any length of time for any reason, my heart may break open but that is never a loss. I don’t feel that I’ve lost anything by loving but have gained. My soul is awakened by connection, care, and bonding.

What I lose is what I did not need; belief that I control that which I cannot; others and their feelings in addition to my feelings.  I lose the belief that I can control their movement, coming and going.  I lose ego, loneliness, radical independence, no connection, cynicism, even resentment for humans just because we can be weak!

All there is in the end is love. People say that all the time but I really feel I come from love and will eventually return to love. And love is what binds me together with all life forms.

So maybe my perception is that I’ve lost a lot in my life.  That has indeed been my perception. But if I’ve loved and learned in the midst of that I haven’t lost anything at all; I’ve gained the gift of my soul being broken open.

As a writer and an artist, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.  Now I have the rest of my life to tell stories and express how tragically beautiful that brokeness can be and how it’s the only path to wholeness.

No one gets to skate past being broken.  It’s pretty much what happens to everyone on this planet. We’re equal in that.

Susan Bauser, Artist

Men Have Feelings During Sex

WHAT?  Seriously?

I read this article two days ago because I’m trying to figure something out.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-wygant/sex-reveals-his-true-feel_b_7905412.html.

My jaw was dropping open as I read it.  I’m not sure I believe it but it is from “The Huffington Post” and the fellow sounded sincere.  Then I discussed it with some women. They concur, they do believe men have actual “feelings” about their woman’s body that can be poetic, dramatic, and deep.  The women don’t understand it or necessarily believe it either, but they do believe men have feelings too.  But during sex?  Because of our bodies?

My mind is blown.  No man I’ve ever been with has expressed himself in a poetic way to me about my body.  I’m not saying they haven’t conjectured it or that I’m not hot enough to have been with hot guys.  I have!  But they have not expressed themselves to me about how they feel.  Why? I’ve gotten compliments about certain parts and of course the lusty chasing after me and wanting intimacy which a woman assumes means, the man is into her.

We call some of this lustiness from men objectification of women.  It’s not really fair is it.  If we’re straight, we love a man to love us.  We need a man to take care of business.  But why is feeling emotional and lusting after a woman’s body objectification when it’s nature?  The men probably call it art…or love, or passion.  If they do not feel passionate about a woman’s body, then what?  Maybe they are gay or just not that into her, or have a different kind of brain that changes their libido…like high functioning autistic men.

It’s called objectification if the guy doesn’t care what you think or how you feel.  I care more about how a man thinks and feels (and acts) than how he looks.  In fact, his mind is what absolutely turns me on, far more than his body.  I don’t know how many women are like me.  His tone of voice and the timbre of his voice is the other turn on.  I do believe most women are like that regarding a man’s voice.  I think our brains are helping us pick the right man to be the father of our children when we’re young.  After 50, that all changes.  But continuing on about men’s feelings.

The author writes, “When a man is having sex, there’s a rush of emotions. When he sees a beautiful woman underneath him, or a beautiful woman on top of him, he gets lost in his sensations.”

WHAT?

I didn’t get the memo.  I really didn’t.

He goes on to say, “Most of the time, the minute he’s released he realizes what he’s said. Then he thinks, “Oh my god, what did I say? I can’t believe I said all those things. I don’t really feel those things. I can’t believe I told her how much I love her, and how much I want to be with her!”

WHAT?  Now, your fellow didn’t actually say this, but his “way” and his thoughts did, is what this author is saying.  Well, how about that.  I am certainly in a dark forest here guys.  I wonder how many other women are?

The author finally says, “Our real feelings come out after the sex. I want you to remember that. I’d like you to pass along this blog to every single woman you know out there. Call it ‘dating insurance’. Make sure he has feelings for you after sex — before you commit your heart.”

WHAT?

I mean…where does it end?  Is this guy high or is this true to the men out there?  The mystery of it all.

stock-footage-alone-man-standing-on-the-seashore

Growth

It’s not very sexy is it…that word.  It sounds very serious to me.  It doesn’t matter how it sounds though because it’s an inevitable part of life.

Most of us like to have fun.  Life is fraught with enough negative media, break-ups, death, grovelling for money and head banging over college exams and getting along with professors.  It’s important to take breaks, go for walks, have some tea, dance, listen to music that makes you happy and want to move.  I do all of those things to be happy in the midst of challenges, which will frankly, never end until we’re done with this life.

But there is another kind of growth.  The kind where your heart is involved, reasonably so, but your mind assesses the situation and there is doubt.  We make a very big deal in our culture about agreement, affinity, and a meeting of the minds.  We’ve all been in enough relationships to know that you are never going to agree 100% on everything when you are mated or in a close friendship.  This is one of the biggest challenges in life and the one that precipitates the most growth for my soul.  It also causes the most angst.  I think that is sexy but that’s because I’m a soulful woman.

Destiny plays a hand here.  What lessons did you come to learn as a soul?  What do you need to push through?  Can you feel that certain people are good for you to be around and others are not?  That is the case.  “That’s NOT the kind of person I need to learn anything from!”  If you can say that right away about someone, there ya have it!  But with others, it’s not so simple.  You might not agree with them many times but you love them and you have no idea why.  I think it’s a gift.

If you’ve ever loved someone who is very different from you or at a very different place in their life, it feels mysterious.  I wonder why I’m drawn to that person.  I really don’t have a lot in common but just some.  Maybe we have things in common that we don’t even know about yet.  But what is superficial?; Political party, the past, and how much money we make as long as it’s enough to live or thrive as the case may be, style, culture.  So don’t discuss the superficial things then.

What is important is whether or not our hearts are open and we care for people. Do we have faith in something eternal or at least something bigger than ourselves? Do we take care of and love our bodies (health)? Do we abide by the law?  Do we want to improve our minds? I would say these are foundation issues in friendship and love.

I have lost all of the mates I’ve had so much in common with; either through divorce or death equally.  That’s not what keeps people together.  I believe it’s destiny and love that is the glue.  Then I just have to roll with it because everyone has a choice in these matters.fall leaves