Relationship Anarchy & Monogamy

It seems that there is no logical contradiction in romantically loving two people at the same time. But the issue here is psychological, as it generates profound emotional dissonance. (If you invest yourself which women do by nature).

The dissonance stems from the fact that by definition, emotions demand partiality, that is, the preference of one person over another, which entails some sort of exclusivity. Partiality for a certain man or woman is a function of nature for the purpose of beneficial reproduction and it always has been. Pheremones control the process and generally, women do the picking since we are the soil that grows the baby and the seed. The male sperm is fertilizer which may account for the lack of bond and his lack of emotion tied to sex or any physical body. I don’t know. Women’s bodies know everything, are emotional and do bond and nurture. It’s crazy being a woman. We’re like walking magic without even trying.

Emotionally, it is extremely painful to imagine your lover in the arms of another person. Indeed, most of those who told of being romantically in love with two people at the same time and pleased with the experience also claimed that they would not like to be at the other end of the relationship; that is, they would find it enormously difficult, if not impossible, to share their beloved with someone else.

The deeper problem, however, does not concern normative values, as seen in heteronormativity and amatonormativity but rather emotional ones. It can’t really be completely intellectualized. Even if this process of relaxing of moral norms continues, and there is no reason why it shouldn’t, a major problem remains: the partiality that colors our emotional system, and in particular jealousy, fear, humiliation, and sorrow which are associated with realizing that your beloved partner is in love with someone else. These are million-year-old brain functions brought on by hormones for our survival!

How can you not be partial toward someone you bond your soul (body and mind) to? Answer; You don’t bond. If that continues, the foundation of society, the family within a community, unravels.

But if you are a unique individual, then you must only bind your soul to another unique individual to which you are in affinity. Because you are individual, it can only ever be partial because you largely belong to yourself, is my thought. What of that?

Pardon my bluntness here, but I believe that in essence, wives are patriarchal fuck girls that serve as a status trophy for a man. The king in his castle. “This is the fuck girl (wife) that will bear my children says the fuckboy. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want the delight of other pussies that I call friends”. And millions of men feel entitled to just that… while they’re married…secretly. No love, no bond. But the fact that they married shields them from the truth. They “appear” to be bonded in monogamy which is a sign of emotional maturity, as long as they don’t get caught being immature and indulgent.

Post-fertility, I have no idea what my function is to a man. It’s not going to be a nurse to his lack of health. I do know that a woman, absent the fear of getting pregnant and remaining sexual and healthy could turn the world on its head. It could be considered a woman’s prime and make all the young perky girls ruffle in competition. I guess that’s a cougar. It’s tempting.

But what about bonding? When are men going to feel a compulsion and obligation to love and bond as much as women?

I don’t know. I just know that sex is meaningless and jungle level without it. I’m not interested.

False Equivalencies of Gender

My intuition came on strong today regarding a remedy for what is perceived now in the media as immense gender disparity, women as the victims, and a desire for justice.

Matriarchy and Patriarchy, operating our human societies for the last 10,000 years have set up false equivalencies of power. The actual behaviors on the part of men and women, in terms of physical, sexual behavior is entirely NATURAL. What is not natural now is our civilization. Staring at our screens and not talking or touching one another is indicative of that! Our healthcare system is indicative of that also. Nothing about our body awareness, perception, and flow are in accord with the natural cycles and rhythms of nature.  It’s affected our sexual behavior as women and men, of course, as the first line of physical behavior since that is mainly what we are; sexual animals. Our civilization has taught us, via State and Church to not be sexual animals anymore, or follow nature, and that it should all be controlled and repressed. Sexual behavior and all of nature is actually a beautiful thing; not to be avoided but to be feasted on! Wow is the repression of beauty and enjoyment a profit boon for the porn industry; bottom line.  And why does pornography need to be only seen as violent?  Some of it is violent, much of it is not.

We see events now, all over the world really, trying to bring a measure of SHARED power not based on gender. We see it in Saudi Arabia, Europe, Africa, and the U.S. but we keep banging the drum of gender as a procrastination really, mostly on the part of women, to, at last, release matriarchal dominance (the Democrats) that subjugated and insulted men in the past while we abused our power over them.

We need to finally acknowledge that men can take care of themselves as grown-ups and need to rectify their adolescent behaviors (the Pubs), that we can each take care of ourselves, and neither women or men need to throw themselves on the sacrificial pyre of STATE or CHURCH forcing its values onto the family.

Those two institutions use gender war to take both of our power. Let’s support one another, be kind and loving to one another and acknowledge our unique power as individuals. Our strength is in each other, NOT in institutions, tech, political parties, and a money system that supports militarism and gender disparity at each others expense.

THE BODY’S NATURAL MORPHINE

Molecules of Emotion cover

Continuing on in “Molecules of Emotion”, The Science Behind Mind-Body (same thing) Medicine; Dr. Pert says, “…endorphins, the body’s own natural morphine…which your body makes too.”

There are a thousand studies on this and physicians all know it’s true. Bodyworkers are at the top of the heap when it comes to stimulating natural opioids in the body. Massage therapists, deep tissue workers, manual therapists, and all other manner of soft tissue workers know that this is the case. Some massage therapists do a good job, others really hurt you as they have very poor technique, use too much oil and then dig in with the thumb tips, elbows, and fingertips. Be sure to interview the practitioner before you set up an appointment. I recommend deep tissue manual therapy, a physical therapist or a sports therapist with 2-4 years of training.

Bodyworkers are supposed to relieve pain, not cause it. That is intuitive. It’s counterintuitive to cause pain which is something to consider as you use the white coats. The fact is, the number of Americans seeing massage therapists has declined because the schools are teaching poor technique and not requiring students to do at least two years. But I digress from the book.

Dr. Pert discovered the opiate receptors in the brain and thought she and her team might be on the way to win the Nobel prize.

The discovery of the opiate receptor touched off a mad scramble among scientific researchers to find the natural substance in the body that used the receptor-the key that would fit the lock. We knew that the brain receptor didn’t exist to serve as a binding mechanism for external plant extracts, such as morphine and opium. No, the only reason that made any sense for an opiate receptor to be in the brain in the first place was if the body itself produced some kind of substance. an organic chemical that fit the tiny keyhole itself-a natural opiate.

The brains own morphine is an endogenous ligand. A ligand is a protein that attaches (binds) to another protein called a receptor; receptor proteins have specific sites into which the ligands fit like keys into locks. Endogenous ligands are those that are produced in the body, not those introduced into the body, such as certain drugs. It creates the same effects that exogenous (outside) opiates such as morphine do. They called this substance enkephalin. MT’s know all about enkephalin’s as well in terms of what our treatments can do.

This part of the book ends with her on a media whirlwind for her discovery with her team and getting much positive attention. Then the competition heats up and the power-brokers come into play.

Science is no different than politics. I’m reading about ego, destructive gossip, gender discrepancy and big money. Human nature is pretty easy to predict.

To be continued…

Men and Women Need Each Other

YES!  We do!! We are really going through the ringer right now in the U.S. with the bricks of abuse and sexual harassment falling out of patriarchy.  This is going to be a short blog because I have just one thing to say;

Even though I do believe that on the whole women tend to be the dominant species in terms of civility, ability, reason, intuition, communication, and leadership, I very much like and respect men as a species.  Many women don’t!  Like most people, I hold gender equity as an ideal and I shoot for that in my personal life.  I really don’t want to live with a male partner that I can trump in most ways, yet, that has been the case for me and it sucks.  I don’t want to trump!  So, I’m looking for an exceptional man who won’t fear my strength but won’t take advantage of my weaknesses or call me names.

Patriarchy has essentially been a chance for males to catch up with females and I think they’ve done a pretty fair job.  I am definitely one of the women that don’t want men to get any more “feminine” than they already are, nor do I think women need to get any more “masculine” than they already tend to be.  Let’s have a stopping point here before we stop lusting for each other.

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Humans Weren’t Designed to be Rational and We’re Better Thinkers for it.

Trust your instincts

“Despite the growing reliance on “big data” to game out every decision, it’s clear to anyone with a glimmer of self-awareness that humans are incapable of constantly rational thought. We simply don’t have the time or capacity to calculate the statistical probabilities and potential risks that come with every choice.

But even if we were able to live life according to such detailed calculations, doing so would put us at a massive disadvantage. This is because we live in a world of deep uncertainty, in which neat logic simply isn’t a good guide. It’s well-established that data-based decisions don’t inoculate against irrationality or prejudice, but even if it was possible to create a perfectly rational decision-making system based on all past experience, this wouldn’t be a foolproof guide to the future.”-Olivia Goldhill

Check out this chart.

Every Single Cognitive Bias

It reminds me of Sheldon on “The Big Bang Theory”.  It kind of paints a picture of autism and OCD behavior, which I’m not judging. The fact that Sheldon skews in favor of cold, hard science and numbs human emotion or social sensitivity is rare. I understand having lived with two different autistic partners.  To me, the brilliance is attractive in some way.  I’m not sure why yet.  Maybe I’m on the spectrum as ADHD? My son thinks so but no one else does.

In the 1970s, two psychologists proved, once and for all, that humans are not rational creatures. Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky discovered “cognitive biases,” showing that humans systematically make choices that defy clear logic.  I believe this is a visual interpretation of the original chart.  It is worth looking at and makes the point that we are by and largely subjective, emotional creatures.  It’s a beautiful thing…to me.

Here is the full article that goes with the “Cognitive Bias Chart”;

Humans weren’t designed to be rational and we’re better thinkers for it.

“Unconvinced? There’s an excellent real-world example of this: The financial crisis. Experts created sophisticated models and were confident that the events of the 2007 crisis were statistically impossible. Gerd Gigerenzer, Director of the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Germany, who studies decision-making in real-world settings, says there is a major flaw in any system that attempts to be overly rational in our highly uncertain world.”

“If you fine-tune on the past with an optimization model, and the future is not like the past, then that can be a big failure, as illustrated in the last financial crisis,” he explains. “In a world where you can calculate the risks, the rational way is to rely on statistics and probability theory. But in a world of uncertainty, not everything is known—the future may be different from the past—then statistics by itself cannot provide you with the best answer anymore.”

“We need hot-headed, emotional decisions

Though calling someone hot-headed or overly emotional is generally a critique of their thinking process, emotions are in fact essential to decision-making. There’s even research to show that those who suffer brain damage in the part of the organ governing emotions often struggle to make decisions. They can weigh up the pros and cons, but can’t come down on one side.”

After reading the whole article, I am in favor of using both my intuition and my rational processes.  Humans have always done that and it’s not a neat 50/50 percent of the time one way or the other.  Everyone is different.  I support the use of the scientific method when it’s appropriate.  It’s not always appropriate!  Yet our patriarchal culture with the male scientists on top uses it to hit us all over the head with a two-by-four to make sure we know that they are in charge, to such an extent that very qualified women in STEM, (Science, technology, engineering, and math), flee the university setting because of extreme gender bias. They’ve done studies.

The males are not in charge with their controlling attitudes in science. It’s not going to last. And many times, they’ve been wrong. Many scientists will agree that it is quite desirable to also employ the intuition, especially if leads us away from militarism.  And there are millions of humane men that are very anti-militaristic.

I’m not going to get into the gender disparity on this issue at the moment, but suffice to say, I believe all of our work, females, and males will benefit from using and having respect for both. But intuition has been derided and disregarded in favor of the Philosophy of Science category and it needs to stop. The Science of Philosophy of the Mind and Psychology needs to be taken into account also.  That is also science.

 

There is Something Emotionally “Off” with Guys

There are too many on the roster for me to ignore this.  I read a lot too, so it’s not as though I’m ignorant. Well, seriously…I know men have feelings.  That’s very obvious and I’m good with that, unlike many women.  That’s just as obvious as the fact that women have feelings.  And I am sensitive to men’s feelings, as different than women’s and have a ton of experience with men expressing their feelings with me.  I’m safe to do that with.  That’s sort of the problem…maybe.

The Jekyll and Hyde thing, the fear of getting too close, or relying on a woman as your friend, or letting her help you with something she is strong in and you have no idea about; she does the same with you.  Why can’t men rely on women the same way? Why is that so emotionally vulnerable for you but it’s not for us?  Maybe you didn’t have a good sister?  That’s how you pattern it in your brain.

As a woman, who has talked to a lot of women, if we get a red flag about a dude, we break it off, let it go, and have a fairly practical attitude about the lack of emotional affinity so we don’t usually cling, push away, cling, push away, kick and punch.  That induces no sense of emotional security in a woman at all. And I’ve seen it way too much with men.  I don’t see this behavior in women maybe because there’s no way a guy would tolerate that from a woman.  I see and hear her making her mind up.  She has a subjective sense of “the feel” of the guy and their emotions and the sexual affinity so her radar is on baby!  If all that isn’t flowing, we’re not interested and don’t need to analyze it.  Our body told us and that counts the most.

Now the objective part.  Males tend to value or be, more objective to their everlasting detriment.  You’re missing half of the picture.  You thought you drank the whole glass, the other half is in there.  You thought you took a full breath, you didn’t exhale. I’ll stop. The objective picture, which women can fully, competently, always, always, see, is just dumb to us.  It’s never just that way.  You can’t gain any accurate information in life or in relationships by only being objective any more than you can know what sex feels like by just standing outside of it and watching it.

Subjective means you are the subject, you’re in it, you’re living it, your senses, feelers, intuition, BODY (such a big truth for women) are in the situation and we’re talking UPLOAD of information into the computer.  It computes, along with the easy, objective stuff.  We know what’s going on when we’re next to our man but we will never, ever, understand why guys are so irrational and comatose when you’re next to a woman, or her breasts, that you love or care for. Just why?

The rational way to analyze and proceed in a relationship is to dip your toe in the water, smell each other, listen to each other’s voices, socialize, get your instincts going, eat together…and this only takes maybe a couple weeks or the total of five dates to have enough data to make the decision.  Do I want to have sex with this guy and allow some emotional bonding or not?  Whether women admit it or not, our brains are programmed to emotionally bond otherwise, I don’t think we can orgasm.  It’s kind of obvious.

It is forever lost on me why men can’t be more rational about their feelings.  Women have evolved to be objective and subjective. We tend to be balanced for the sake of our children. There are plenty of brilliant women that can do the math, science, tech, blah, blah, blah, blah, like it’s such a big deal.  No…it’s not.  It’s pretty easy for us.  Dealing with you guys and not having to have our defenses up when you freak out over how you feel is what is not easy for us. Living with you is not easy for us.  I don’t think I can do it anymore.

Please try to be more subjective, more empathic, more understanding of other people and women who are different than you.  We are not men nor do we want to be.  We can balance being objective with being subjective and we ask the same of you.

Intuition and Sexual Attraction

I just read this really great article called “Survival of the Prettiest”

Survival of the Prettiest

This article by David Dobbs of the New York Times starts out…

 “Darwin published another troublesome treatise — “The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relationship to Sex.” This expanded on an idea he mentioned only briefly in “Origin.” Sometimes, he proposed, in organisms that reproduce by having sex, a different kind of selection occurs: Animals choose mates that are not the fittest candidates available, but the most attractive or alluring. Sometimes, in other words, aesthetics rule.”

Please read the next few paragraphs of the article.  Then he says this,

“To Darwin’s dismay, many biologists rejected this theory. For one thing, Darwin’s elevation of sexual selection threatened the idea of natural selection as the one true and almighty force shaping life — a creative force powerful and concentrated enough to displace that of God. And some felt Darwin’s sexual selection gave too much power to all those females exerting choices based on beauty. As the zoologist St. George Jackson Mivart complained in an influential early review of “Descent,” “the instability of vicious feminine caprice was too soft and slippery a force to drive something as important as evolution.”

Say what??!!!  I about fell off the couch when I read that.  Most women are not that superficial. Maybe Mr. Mivart wasn’t being picked by an intelligent woman and was frustrated! The ones that aren’t very bright and don’t think about relationship have unstable caprice and go for the car and money…or booty.  That’s a small group of women. Most women I’ve known, know that a foundation of friendship, respect, and affinity are the basis for big, lasting, sexual attraction.  That’s how most women roll, and we use our intuition to do it.

But in this case, it isn’t just our intuition, it’s the science of biology combined perfectly with the intuition that demonstrates my point.  The holistic scientific method demonstrates how women pick a mate.  Pheromones give off silent, non-noticeable smell signals to a woman, about a man’s DNA.  It doesn’t occur so much with men because they aren’t the ones reproducing.  Females make the healthy baby so we have to pick! That’s just nature fellas. This stuff is deep and not even in the control of males or females.  We smell each other unconsciously to put the DNA messages we get about the other person through our subconscious computer brain.

In this case, our 300,000-year-old ancient instinct is behind the selection.  Family resemblance comes into play here too.  Females and males tend to be drawn to people that may resemble an immediate family member if they have safe subconscious tapes about those family members. If you’re at a reproductive age, you will be concerned whether or not that person will fit into your family when you have children.

 “Richard Prum, a mild-mannered ornithologist and museum curator from Yale, has published a book intended to win Darwin’s sex theory a more climactic victory with THE EVOLUTION OF BEAUTY (Doubleday, $30).”

“Prum considers birds artists. Manakins (Prum’s study group) carefully choreograph their dances. Bowerbirds mastered perspective in their bower building eons before human painters grokked it during the Renaissance.”

“Prum sees such aesthetic choices as driving a gradual “aesthetic remodeling” — an evolutionary reshaping of mating behavior, and even of male social behavior more widely, by the civilizing pressure of female preference. Prum stresses this is not about emasculating males or dominating them; it’s simply about selecting for males who allow females autonomy and choice.”

The success of our civilization and the health of our children is, to a great degree, dependent on intelligent, thoughtful, healthy women who listen to the bodies and to their intuition when deciding to mate.  This waste of time, women competing with each other regarding beauty, believing that the men know how to pick or do pick, is indolent. A woman who sits passively back and waits for a man to approve of her is not intelligent enough to be a mother.  For all the blame we put on men, who from an evolutionary perspective are waiting for a woman to pick them, it really rests on women to set the tone and go forward with the holistic scientific method that includes natural biology and intuition. 

The sexually frustrated men who nobody loves, just start wars. We don’t want that.

Paige Bradley-spring

Artist Paige Bradley, “Spring”

Wanting to Be Right

Why do we want to be right all the time?

Why do I want to be right most of the time?

Why do I glee over saying, “See, I was right!”

Because we doubt ourselves too much so we are reassuring ourselves by saying it.

Because others who doubt themselves doubt us and say it!

Because others project their experience of being shunned for being or doing something that was wrong, onto us.

Because “if you make a mistake, you are forgiven”, isn’t widely practiced.

So, now I try to catch myself and say, “Lisa, do what you feel, study what you feel, write what you feel and use the best skill you’ve got.  That’s all you can do.”  I’ve got a lot of skill and I’ve paid the piper so I have no reason to doubt myself.  Whether anyone will listen and understand, I don’t know.

And now, when someone criticizes me harshly when I meant absolutely no harm and never do, I know that they have not forgiven themselves for being wrong or someone else has not forgiven them for being wrong or vice versa.

It closes the heart.

Wow, the feeling of being around someone with a closed heart and lots of conditions, or an open heart and few conditions, is night and day.

Axioms

The definition of an axiom is a self-evident truth that requires no proof.  When someone says to you, “the sky is blue, the grass is green and there is light from the sun every day,” that is axiomatic. Speaking for myself, as a female, that is most of what I see and experience in my life.  It’s common sense that comes through the body’s senses. I still love it and find mysterious levels but I have no desire to take an axiomatic or empirical truth and put it in a lab.  It usually turns out to be synchronicity, but that is another intuitive subject.

It is first classified as instinct through the ancient subconscious mind and climbs the ladder to intuition from the unconscious mind that comes through in dreams. That has happened to me all of my life. An experience I’ve had has gone from instinct to intuition because of a dream or dreams I’ve had.  It’s like breathing for me.

I hope it does for you too.  It makes life more enjoyable and understandable.

skywalkers

The Source of Intuition is the Unconscious Mind

 

subconscious-unconscious-mind

Source Article:

Unconscious Basics

“The unconscious mind is not some black hole of unacceptable impulses waiting to trip you up, but it can be the source of hidden beliefs, fears, and attitudes that interfere with everyday life.”

It is also the source of vast wisdom that can aid you in expanding your conscious mind and help bridge the world of sleep and awake time if you can train yourself to remember your dreams.  I will be posting videos on that.  I’ve been doing it for years.