Do We Really Need to Depend on a Partner Intimately?

It is very true that we are interdependent on one another in the second layer of society; fireman, government workers, health care workers, shop owners, food producers, mail folks, airline pilots and workers, taxi drivers; really an endless list. These are generally people who could be considered strangers or acquaintances in our local area. None of them lives with us. There are literally millions of service workers who are paid to be of service to individuals should they need food or attention. The grocery stores even deliver food to your door if you’re disabled. It’s actually mind-blowing if you think about it. Absolutely anything you could possibly need in terms of material need is now made available to us all over the world, sometimes at the touch of a button by other human beings who are generally happy to be helpful and kind-or appear to be.

But none of that is intimacy. None of those people know us well. They only know us superficially, sometimes less than anyone on social media. But the stats are showing that more and more Americans like living alone especially after their children are grown. It’s also known to actually ruin loving relationships to have children and form a family. I have a theory that the institution of the family is the main reason for gluttony. It looks to me like people who live in a family blow up like a balloon! You’re living so closely with people with whom you function in a prescribed role, that you put on the layers as a defense mechanism. It seems the family is more stressed than ever with a very high divorce rate. Maybe that’s because it’s unnatural but we assume it’s not! There is no disputing that. The main thing that keeps people together is guilt and duty to their children after about ten years. That’s actually not a bad function of negative emotion in this case as children really do thrive on having both parents available if they can at least be civil to one another living in the same household. The child is forming their subconscious mind.

My son is grown and I’m single so I’ve talked to other singles and they all say the same thing; “I miss having someone to talk to.” Well, how much of that talking is defending your ideas to the other person or offloading your emotions that as an adult you’re fully capable of dealing with silently or with a therapist? No two people are exactly alike and one of my least favorite activities is feeling like I have to explain my unusual self to anyone. Just read my writing or ask my patients! My work speaks for itself. Do I really have to talk about it?

I’m a writer so I unload my ideas, observations, and thoughts on the page. If you really want to know me, read what I’ve written. It sort of tells me everything when my friends don’t want to read my book or my blog.  It seems to me that when we talk to someone, we’re writing out loud. The other person is the typewriter or computer keyboard and paper receiving your thoughts. Is that fair to do that to someone else verbally? Most people see you the way they need to see you anyway, not the way you really are. It’s a psychological projection but that’s where we are in society. It may even be less than that. They size you up by how you look and your gender and that’s it! I don’t think they care to see much more. When I really like someone, I just want to be with them, hang out, walk, cook food, lay next to them, have sex. I don’t want to talk all the time. Most people I know aren’t secure enough in themselves to silently hang out.

I’m a giver for a living, or a service worker in that I’m a bodyworker and work in healthcare. I take care of people for a living and love my work. I stay quite busy, my phone rings, people ask for my advice a lot and people are in and out all day. I receive much from doing it as well and charge a fair fee so there is reciprocation. In no way do I feel I’m martyring myself during my work.

But do I really want to spend more time having sex with someone or am I happy to have the time to myself to keep working on my body, working out, buying and preparing healthy food, walking, shopping for new clothes that fit me and all the fun that entails? I’m not a child anymore so I’m not physically dependent on being taken care of physically or financially by a partner. No one is! That is a taboo subject. You’ll always get pushback on that one because of the epidemic of dysfunctional parenting. You don’t have to be a slave to any of that though. Playing victim and being a victim is a profitable industry and shores up the existence of political parties as does being even more abusive to people that have already been victims. It’s a vicious cycle that only the individual can finally free themselves from. It’s not politically correct of me to point that out either.

I guess I’m in an experimental phase, seeing what I can get away with, how much can I make myself happy and not have to talk to anyone. Silence is good. I adore it.

Woman on a mountain

 

You Might Not Be Looking For a Relationship but Doesn’t Everyone Want to Love and Be Loved?

I wonder sometimes if women and men mean, “I’m not looking to be possessed or to possess anyone.” when they say, “I don’t want a relationship.” Words are important. When it comes to attraction, the words one uses matter.

This is why marriage always ends. In truth, no one can possess anyone. We belong to ourselves. It’s plain and simple. What keeps two people near each other is affinity, attraction, same waveform, and comfort with each other. What splits two people is change. People change, grow and move. That’s nature. So, “forever marriage” isn’t realistic and more and more people realize that. It’s only good for the time that you’re reproducing. It’s forced togetherness for a time and it’s not a bad idea! After all, the parents are the creators of the subconscious mind of a child. That is real togetherness. But hopefully, the child will outgrow being controlled by his subconscious mind, into his conscious mind and everyone can move on and be free.  That’s the ideal folks. Norman Rockwell was misguided.

Love, on the other hand, is everywhere, always. Mostly, it’s in us and we can’t lose it. So as you move and grow through life, you should always be able to find someone on your frequency, someone with which you have an affinity. Suffering is not called for in this life. You’re not going to get a prize for suffering and no one is requiring it of you. That’s one of the big lies of religion. It’s kind of silly because who needs religion to experience suffering?? It’s a given on this planet, everyone goes through it, no one can escape it, and no one gets a prize for being born; except a body. That’s your prize.

I find security in myself, by being what I need every day and keeping myself organized and productive. It’s futile to find security in human beings. I’m sorry to burst everyone’s social bubble. I never saw anything so foolish in my life as pining for that. Human beings change like the weather and it’s natural! If you follow their meanderings, you’ll get lost too. It just happened to me. I sometimes forget what it’s like dealing closely with people who are not in control of their lives. It doesn’t take long for me to remember at times like this and be grateful that I’ve created what I have; a solid foundation underlying an active situation on the ground that keeps shifting.

heraclitus1-2x

 

Can We Love One Another Without Traditional Bonding?

It depends on how you define bonding which I address below. In spiritual circles, we say, “Love at all times”. So the heart is always open, to everyone and we are protected by Spirit and use our intuition as a guide so there is no fear. We still have to be discerning about how we express love. For indeed, there is no fear in Love. So, that’s the idea. Many highly spiritual people succeed in this so I know it’s possible.

Like all good ideas, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; boots on the ground kind of thing. When I put this to the test in my relationships with men and women I’d like to have a more specific plan since I’m a lover and a giver. My cup is always full and I need to empty it. That’s why I’m a giver. The last thing I need is more offloading, vampires, users, fakers and very unstable in my space looking for love that they need to find within and can find within. That’s when my cup empties quickly. That’s where discernment comes in.

How can we keep a strong boundary as empaths and lovers?

  1. If you truly love the other person, you accept where they are on the Self-Love spectrum. Don’t rush in where angels fear to tread. Instead, observe their behavior. Are they intuitive with you as you are with them? Are they emotionally sensitive to you when you need a shoulder or a hug or just to talk? They can give to you if they give to their own Self. Also, how much do they talk about their family? Are they still enslaved by a toxic family and defined by their toxic projection onto them? This issue is epidemic. Reiki aligns it.
  2. Do you love your own body enough so that when you have sex, you don’t suck energy from the other person but just “share” who you are? If you truly love your body you will just enjoy each other’s bodies, you won’t feel the need to possess the other. The other person can feel it if you do that.
  3. Is your conversation and dynamic peaceful with the other person? Or are there feelings of tension, or one person does all the talking all the time while the other one listens. Do they ask you how YOU are or is it always about them?

Intuition comes into play here more than reason. Studies have shown that humans highly communicate through body language. Everybody has different feelings but it’s not others job to figure you out. It’s your job to figure you out and know how you feel. It’s called maturity and mindfulness. You are the one IN your relationship, other’s are not or should not be, so they are of no use coming to a decision, ultimately. Our friends can be a sounding board for our own feelings though. That’s what friends are for; not to tell you what to do in a relationship.

How do we define bonding?

  1. “I miss you when you’re not here.” You’re bonded
  2. ” I need you next to me in bed”. You’re bonded
  3. “I need to talk to you to feel secure.” You’re bonded
  4. “I want to be with you more or most of the time.” You’re bonded

The list can go on but it’s always, “I need”, “I want” like a child. As an adult, you are able to regulate feelings of need and want via your brain. If your brain isn’t regulating it, put boots on the ground again and get exercising, moving, eating healthy and drinking water. It’s that simple. Just do it and stop pondering it.

I think bonded is a misnomer. I’d say you’re latched on, like a baby breastfeeding on its mother or a small child getting the affirmation and attention that they need from their father. All of this is the subconscious mind repeating unresolved patterns with the birth parents. That’s the main problem in our society. We need to release subconscious programming and become adults in our conscious program that we design for ourselves.

Can women keep their feelings during sex and not bond? How?

Realize that your feelings are for yourself. The man is barely absorbing them or feeling them anyway because all he feels is your body. While it’s true that the body is your feelings and thoughts, being mentally aware of your feelings is a higher level of cognition that women have. Most men don’t have it. They haven’t evolved the skill of knowing how they feel past being hungry or horny. It’s unbelievable to women but it reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter when she referred to Ron as having the emotional range of a teaspoon. And it’s unfair for women to expect most men to be any different. That’s like asking women not to have breasts. Of course, we have breasts. It’s natural.

I would say “Yes”, we can love one another without traditional bonding but it’s not realistic to expect others to be able to. 98% of humans bond to one another and thus we have all the problems that we do on earth. People follow each other instead of their inner knowing. I personally think we need to grow past that but I certainly don’t expect it. True unity happens when we are all naturally sitting in our center. The fact is, we’re already bonded with all of life in the physical as one big family of Life. Just relax into that instead of adding another layer of latching on.

 

 

 

Men and Sex. Not the Same as Women! Polyamory vs. Celibacy

The male animal has been domesticated and it’s not all pretty. I think of that right-wing show I can’t stand, “Last Man Standing” with Tim Allan as the star. I am at a unique vantage point right now on this issue as a single, 55-year-old, financially independent woman.

The societal Disney pictures are that I’m supposed to have kids in college or graduated and grandchildren on the way in a loveless and sexless marriage going to church every Sunday in order to be respected and to be “an honest woman”. That is not the case here and I’m happy about it. I live my life in truth.

The societal Disney picture proscribed onto a 55-year-old man is pretty much the same but it’s far more likely that he is living a double life and is having sex on the side to add some novelty to his life. One life on one coast, one life on the other coast. Women don’t really have to do that and it isn’t fair is it? But we don’t need sexual novelty as a rule either. We just need love and security. We find real love through our children and grandchildren. I hear there is nothing better. Our mates have never been a terribly adequate source of love, let’s face it. Over time, we get tired of each other’s issues and the stats bear me out.

Women happily and independently move on and grow, usually living alone. The men are still dependent, stuck in this situation with nothing, having evolved with a brain that seeks more than one mate for reproduction. They are on the prowl again. There is an option for men; polyamory. This is a good article on it and explains reasons and motivations that have been studied.

Why People Choose Polyamory

I suppose some women like polyamory but I don’t think it comes naturally to us. Personally, if I can’t find the right partner that suits me emotionally and spiritually I remain celibate. I’ve done that for years at a time but never more than two. That sits very comfortably with me because I love deeply and never deny my feelings to suit men that are detached emotionally from sex.  So really, polyamory and celibacy are related in that, if you can’t find the right partner you do what you have to do; whatever you need. But we have to admit that love is a magnet for men and for women. When someone finally loves and understands you, you’ll go to the end of the world to be with them.

If women have emotional issues, we know how to deal with them, grow, and decide what we want; a new mate or remain single. Then we do whatever we want. If you take care of yourself, there are a million men who will chase you. You just have to pick one. But for friends or family who choose polyamory, this is a good article on the possible motivations so you can understand it better rather than judge it.

This particular quote really rang true to me.

“Polyamory can effectively skirt the need to face an addiction and the painful feelings it covers. However, polyamory can also be utilized as a healthy means of coping with psychological difficulties, pre-existing trauma, differences in sexual desire, and the garden variety erotic boredom so common in long-term monogamous marriages.”

I see so many clients with painful feelings that have not come to the surface and then it resides in their bodies. That directly affects their ability to bond and love a mate and have great sex. This is just one of the reasons for polyamory. And of course, the basis of that is the parents and time in utero, and the early childhood that formed the subconscious mind; especially the mother. I have compassion for men that were born to very wounded, unstable mothers. They don’t have much feminine principle strength within them to pull from. Girls of wounded mothers do; themselves. It’s a blessing to be born female, no matter what the Chinese think. The inner mother is our greatest guide and support on this planet.

For men, I can only hope that they find a female friend that loves and nurtures them just as they are so they can learn to love their body, take care of themselves and be empowered men. Women have no excuse. We are the strong ones on the planet hands down. It is our responsibility to lead, take care of ourselves and to teach healing by being a good example.

How Do Humans Turn Intuition into Knowing?

Turn off the outside disturbances, carve out silent alone time for yourself, workout, love your body, do yoga, and plan a vegetarian or vegan way of life. Make a list of friends who are loving and friends who are toxic and make some decisions. That’s a start!

What I observe about 98% of humans is that they pay FAR more attention to the media, material concerns, and others than they do to their own body, how it feels, what they are feeling emotionally and what direction their heading in. They live on automatic pilot and let their lives be dictated by everyone else. Under those conditions, you’re not going to hear or see anything! You’re sleepwalking through life and likely abusing some kind of drug. That’s the other thing is my brain is completely sober so I go through life extremely mindful.

Your real life doesn’t begin until you can feel your own body, feel your feelings, hear your thoughts, and become aware of your habits. If you care more about what others think of you than you do yourself, you’re off track.

other people

Personally, my intuition has always been spot on, ever since I was a young girl. That’s how I know something ahead of time. And then it happens…always. I absolutely KNOW what is going to happen and it’s always right, like the sun rising every morning. It’s very normal for me, and always has been, for me to get “a flash” like hearing something on the radio or seeing it visually as on a screen before it happens. Dean Radin, Ph.D. is a great researcher and writer on the paranormal and psychic knowing. He’s documented it fully. I like his book, “The Conscious Universe”.

The Conscious Universe

I’ve got one other post on this issue I believe. The other new piece here is that the biologists have found magnets in our brains. I believe, if they keep looking, they’ll find them all through the body in all of our cells. They don’t understand it yet, but I’ve felt the magnetism in the body in my office doing bodywork on my patients for 20 years so this is no news flash to me.

Magnets in the Human Brain Mapped

When I do Reiki I feel like my entire body is spinning in a magnetic vortex also. Back to the original question, how can anyone tune into their intuition and follow it? I’m not convinced I’m “gifted”. I believe it’s natural to all human beings. I don’t know what it’s like to walk around being someone else but I do observe other people walking around negative, doubtful, hyper-rational or hyper-emotional, and materialistic.

Pete Sanders, Jr. wrote a book called “You are Psychic”. I worked with him in Sedona, AZ when I lived there. He’s a trained scientist from MIT. He teaches classes on this empowerment.

You Are Psychic

 

Once you drop all of that, you’ll get the life you came into the body to live and it’s magnificent. Anything less is not worth living for…at all.

Keep trying and being honest, peeling those layers bit by bit until you’re living an authentic life. You can do it!

 

Inspiration Is Just Competition

“Sometimes being inspired by someone just means you want to compete with them. Competition is a bit of an illusion because there is plenty to go around and you can’t compare two people’s lives to each other. Thus there is no real competition. We’re all very different and have paid the piper different amounts based on our choices. Ultimately, we’re competing with a vision of who we want to be and who we really are, so be careful projecting that onto others. Just look in the mirror and be honest with yourself if you really want power over your life.”-Lisa Townsend (Me)

 

Woman on a mountain

We are our own best friend or our own worst enemy.

 

A Pretty Good Brownie

I had a very good brownie yesterday with the right level of height so that I was able to observe my trip pretty well. This was purely experimental as I am the kind of person that fully enjoys the sobriety of my conscious mind to do my work because I’m intelligent. There is no substitute for the satisfaction of figuring something out or learning a new skill, for me. It’s a big self-esteem boost.

If I were trying to escape my body or my life, weed would plumett my self-esteem. That was my first observation. The second was that I had a bit of paralysis. Not literally. I could move but my etheric body wanted to leave my physical body which pulls the qi that allows you to move, right up and out. I do that plenty when I sleep at night, I don’t want to feel that way during the day when I have work to do.

If you DO want to feel that way during the day you need therapy; body work, reiki, talk therapy; not medical marijuana. You’re in denial about your true feelings if you want to feel like that alot. That will kill you because THE BACKED UP EMOTIONS go into your cells. Pot can’t kill you, no, but constant denial of your feelings and an unbalanced life will. It also throws off your appetite and sleep.

I commanded my etheric body to stay one with my physical and it obeyed. Because I did, I was able to observe and remember my trip. It was like being in an airport; public and stupid, full of non-focused, chaotic energy that I feel is the bane of this planet. But what happened is that because I wasn’t interested in traveling in the public ethers, I went deeper into my physical cells. I love my body, as my readers know, so I tuned into that.

Markedly, I had no pain. My muscles usually ache because I walk and work out daily. That was marvelous. And today I’m in less pain as an after effect so it is very anti-inflammatory. My cells got excited the more relaxed I was. I heard and saw my spirit guides laughing at my internal awareness so that was fun. It erased all of my physical tension. That is possible with yoga and breathe work though too.

Well, I was out of it for a full four hours and the last hour just loopy. That’s four hours of my life I won’t get back. I was grateful for the body awareness but I can do that on my own. I was just neglecting to do it because my brain has been busy learning computer programming. Also, no one should drive while using! It’s no different than alcohol.

The last thing I have to say is there was nothing spiritual at all about a pot-induced trip. It’s just a drug affecting the brain. I am a spiritual person and have had many spiritual experiences. It’s altogether different because you’re conscious and use your free will. The spirit world is real if you open your heart.

The Cultural Meaning of the Shaming of Roseanne Barr

The so-called Populist revolt that ended in the earthquake election of Donald Trump has left the cultural and social foundations of America shaken to the core. This latest media storm around Barr is indicative of that. We’re all still in need of extra herbs or meds in light of how he and his people in Washington seem to be trying to take us down! It feels like anarchy to me. Parliamentarian Puritans (Democrats) vs. Royalist Monarchists (Republicans). Trump wants to take down our Democratic Republic that seeks to empower our pluralism and civil rights in America and turn it into what? That “what” is the problem and producing anxiety in our collective.

I’m from Chicago, NW Illinois, white middle class, a true Cubbie Blue Cubs fan and Democratic Yankee Puritan (Episcopal, Church of England). My entire upbringing was about integration of mostly black and white and exposure to any form of Christianity. My family was also a mix of Democrat and Republican. But the overriding tendency was tolerance of differences and civility. No violence. I was exposed to everything. I’m kind of a mix of African-American matriarchal tendency and White European patriarchy because my Mom’s family was matriarchal and my dad’s family was patriarchal. Just as I’ve had to straddle the cultural fence, most Americans do also. So when we perceive what’s going on in our culture, it’s with our particular bias, to be sure.

Roseanne Barr is a granddaughter of Jewish immigrants from Central Europe and Russia, the oldest of four children in a Jewish Salt Lake City, UT family.  Barr has stated, “Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning I was a Jew; Sunday afternoon, Tuesday afternoon, and Wednesday afternoon we were Mormons.” Barr doesn’t wear the fact that she’s Jewish on her sleeve, which completely changes how people might perceive her “joke” about Hitler and the cookies in the oven. That said, even though she is an award-winning comedian, nothing is funny about what she’s said lately. I didn’t know she was Jewish. She was deriding Hitler for the genocide of her own people and likely most of her ancestors from Europe and Russia. Her grandmother who was an orthodox Jew held the highest sway over her family. Trump likewise came from a family that for generations back, was extremely traumatized so that visions of royalty and kingship rule his psyche. When your ancestors fall far behind, something overly ambitious kicks in within the brain to compensate. That’s my theory.

Her show portrayed a culture that hails from Greater Appalachia, Tidewater, and the Deep South, referring to three of the regions of America discussed in Colin Woodard’s great book, “American Nations”. Greater Appalachia is Southern IL, most of Indiana, southern OH, WV, VA, KY, southern MO, part of OK, N. Texas, northern AR, TN, NC, northern MS, and northern AL. The Deep South is southern Texas, LA, and all states further south to FL. Tidewater’s history is the landed gentry who eventually betrayed the inhabitants of Greater Appalachia and the Deep South.  They are N.Carolina, Maryland, Virginia and Washinton D.C. Trump won all of those states in the election. Roseanne Barr supported Donald Trump! What is going on in America? Two years on and we still haven’t figured it out.

The truth is, the United States is an imperialist, colonized mish-mash of enslaved people. This country exists on the back of ALL cultures being enslaved by the Royalist Republicans. They then came to America as the Tidewater landed gentry in the South with their Royalist, Republican biased values and commenced with their brand of violent evil.

In Chapter 3, Founding Tidewater, Woodard says of the opposite side, The Yankee Puritans;

For the Norse, Anglo-Saxon, Dutch, and other Germanic tribes of northern Europe, “freedom” was a birthright of free peoples, which they considered themselves to be. Individuals might have differences in status and wealth but all were literally “born free.” All were equal before the law, and all had come into the world possessing “rights” that had to be mutually respected on the threat of banishment. Tribes had the right to rule themselves through assemblies like Iceland’s Althingi recognized as the world’s oldest parliament. Until the Norman invasion of 1066, the Anglo-Saxon tribes of England (Germans) had ruled themselves in this manner. After the invasion, the lords of Normandy France imposed manorial feudalism on England, but they never fully did away with the “free” institutions of the Anglo-Saxons and (Gael-Norse) Scots, which survived in village councils, English common law, and the House of Commons. It was this tradition the Puritans carried to Yankeedom. (MA, VT, NH, MA, NY, PA, IL, MI, WI, MN).

The Greek and Roman political philosophy embraced by Tidewater gentry of the southern U.S. assumed the opposite; most humans were born into bondage. (Republicanism) Liberty was something that was granted and was thus a privilege, not a right. Some people were permitted many liberties others had very few, and many had none at all…It was a philosophical divide with racial overtones and one that would later drive America’s nations into all-out war with one another. (The Civil War).”

Speaking of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln was an anomaly in the Republican Party of his time in many respects. His ancestry was neither royalty or landed gentry and Lincoln behaved more like an Independent than someone from either party. If there was anyone who straddled the political fence, it was Lincoln. Many times the Republicans like to claim him but in key ways, Lincoln’s behavior and values were from neither party. He was more Universal.

I’ve posted about this before, but we are country at war with our own subconscious mind and ancestral memory seeded in us, in utero from the ages of 0-5 by our parents who have inherited their minds from our ancestors and on it goes!! That is what is going on here. Our culture, our institutions, and our families are still dominated by the memory in our subconscious mind instead of by our actively chosen, adult,  conscious mind. Trump and Barr and many others are still playing out so much of what they’ve lost because of their wretched upbringing and have never regained because they don’t claim the right over their own souls to cut it off. Well, they may be trying, but the emotional struggle to love themselves is all that comes out of their mouths and on Twitter as they seem to fail at loving or tolerating anyone else; least of all themselves.

The meaning of the shaming of Roseanne Barr and Donald Trump is that the U.S. and it’s media is still largely Puritan, Yankee, Democratic and Christian in its values despite this Republican upsurge. If the Democrats can mobilize the apathetic base, it can be turned around in the next election and be more pluralistic. We are a young country, still deciding who we want to be when we grow up.

Subject-Object in Life

Remember diagraming those sentences in school? Subject, verb, object. “What is the subject of the sentence and how does it act (the verb) on the object?”

There is much hoopla made of women being sexually objectified but when these issues come up, I always try to think about it intuitionally as well as rationally because it’s so easy to stereotype based on gender.

It is widely observed that males do tend to be the subject of most movies, books, sporting events, commercials, anchors on the news, utility companies, Presidents, and CEOs. The male perception of things does, in fact, run the planet. That’s patriarchy.

But does that mean that men are never objectified? Think about the system of patriarchy a second. Patriarchy is about usage and consumption. It’s about money, power, death, and oppression, control and victory at any cost. There isn’t much good about it. I’d say there is nothing good about it. In a system such as that, militarism, monetary debt, toxic waste, pathological lying, corrupt government leaders and religion are rife. It doesn’t do much good on the planet. But both women and men shore up patriarchy by accepting their roles of subject-object and rarely reversing them. They could reverse them, or in a loving partnership, both of them are subjects and never objects. So, in that scenario, isn’t it reasonable to assume that:

“Patriarchy eats everything”; Subject/verb/object. Men are consumed as well by the monster. They, in turn, are taught and expected to consume woman.

No one escapes and no one wins really. That means men are objectified too by the system as being set up over and over again as the subject of every last, damn, thing. They are, after all, most of the millions dead from two World Wars. Just watch TV with pen and paper and make two columns Male/Female and make a vertical slash every time you see a woman, every time you see a man and watch the men’s column pile up. That’s not a good thing for men or for women. It’s unbalanced! I personally wouldn’t want all that focus. It’s too much pressure. When women are portrayed on TV they are rarely if ever portrayed as subjects or the ones acting first in the sentence. If they are it’s as a conniving wench, a bitch, a sweet mother or a nurse. Patriarchy doesn’t allow for women to be portrayed as a strong subject; a female lead. Hillary Clinton did that and she was crucified. The message, “Women, don’t ever try to be the subject of the sentence in the United States of America.”

I’ve had too many men say to me, “You just want attention.” My response, “No, I’d just like to be the subject, not the object being acted upon by you most of the time.” But somehow, I doubt most women even know they’re the object being acted upon. They take it for granted that it is their role because they follow system dictates unconsciously. The media and the church do the brainwashing.

For the first time in my life, living in the house I own, I am the subject of my own life and I am able to give focus and make each of my patients that come here the subject in my office. I started out my physical life as a child being extremely objectified by my parents, then school, then college, then my parents literally threw me to a Chicago curb when I was eighteen like so much garbage, then men, on and on for half of my life. Women are not seen or known or even wanting to be known by anyone as people! But are men either? They have that subject role to carry around all the time like a rock in a backpack. Not even our other women friends who are too busy being objectified by their families that define them, want to spend time with me.

Well, in my house, “The patient receives therapy from me.” Subject/verb/object. I guess I’m a pronoun in my office. That’s just fine because I’m the subject of my life the rest of the time because I have important work to do and I’m doing it. I’m on this planet to act, not be acted upon and that’s not selfish. It’s what we all need to do; act on behalf of ourselves in our own lives so we can unconditionally give to one another.

My Father Died Yesterday

No feelings, no different, don’t mind at all.

No attachment, no reaction, it’s like I’m a wall.

Can’t apologize really, he didn’t care about we girls.

We weren’t boys after all which would have been worth the world.

If he had he’d have said so between letters and gabs

But instead, there was silence and non-apologetic stabs.

It’s a very odd feeling to not flinch in the least about the passing

of a man that did this great feat.

What great feat? I only have 2% of my parent’s genes

It’s the case for us all so big deal, sign the lease.

My little sister stayed quiet about his behavior at home

Me, on the other hand, I wouldn’t leave the truth alone.

So “Family is Everything” say the placards aplomb

I say “Self-esteem, the truth,  and taking care” wins hands down.

Woman on a mountain