Heartset; A #Female #Intimacy Myth Revealed


There’s a myth I Rumi Water keep running into whenever I really like a man, we know each other and are friends, I’m attracted to him and want to have sex with him. His assumption is, given all of the desires I’ve listed above, I’ll fall in love with him or I am in love with him and want to put a leash around his neck or start a relationship. No, I don’t and it’s a bit insulting to assume women want or need to be hitched to a man or control him. We don’t. Women who want children are more that way for good reason but not me!

He assumes I will want to control him like a dog trainer. So wrong. So very, very wrong. I have my own life. I only control myself. I’m a cat you see. But if you suggest on a first date, “We can get a room,” Uhhh. No. Sex is not going to be the first date. If that’s what you want then you’ll get a woman that just lets her body and energy be eaten for a price or for free. Good luck with that. It’s chaos and she’s likely emotionally messed up as in “a sex addict.”

I’m starting to think it’s the other way around. If he has told me and continues to express that he likes me also, is attracted to me and also wants to have sex, he might fall in love with me, otherwise, we would meet-up. Why aren’t we meeting each other? He couldn’t hook me for sex with lying and saying he loved me as a friend. He obviously doesn’t. No integrity. He’s a user. I pose too much of a challenge.

At least I assumed it from the beginning. I let him run his game to see what he would do to get another notch on his bedpost. All lies.

Friendship and attraction are the basis of everything lasting. Possession and contracts kill it after you’ve had children. You don’t need it in middle age. Most couples break up after their kids are grown anyway. You get bored with each other as lovers and can just be friends. Sexual usage is jungle level not human level and shows a very low intelligence and low spirituality. No thanks.

The myth is that just because a woman has all of those things going on that I listed above that she’s in love with a guy. Nope. Nada. Huh-uh. Not the case.  Most women I know are very good at controlling their feelings and actually choosing them. We’re kind of expert at it for some reason, especially in middle age when there is no longer the motive of reproduction and the extreme lust that comes with reproductive hormones. Maybe we have a highly developed relationship between our amygdala and frontal cortex after fifty because we’ve learned a thing or two? We want real love and friendship, not just lust games, and personality compatibility, not just sex compatibility. Time to grow up.

I’m done. The karma machine is going to run ragged on this one. Good. I hate it when a man can’t emotionally deal with friendship and sex. It’s totally immature.

 

Heartset; What Is Your Motivation for Being in a Relationship?


Private & Passionate Prose-Cover by Canva jpgI can only speak for myself but maybe you can relate. In order to achieve intimacy, you or I, it takes a bit of self-inventory. The consequences of not doing it are more trouble and heartbreak and none of us needs that. The inventory consists of;

*How am a feeling about a new partner? (positive, negative, cynical or hopeful?)

*What are my habitual thoughts about the matter? Am I fixated on one or two specific people? Have I fixated on a certain type about which I’m fantasizing?

*Am I in it for love and am I trying to rationalize superficial motives because I don’t really believe it’s possible?

I’ll answer my own question. I’m in it for love; friendship and sex with love are my main motivations. But I hate the third question because the truth is, I feel unloveable and unappreciated based on my natural traits because I’m so different and too intimidating for possibly any man. What always occurs for me is a man is attracted to my looks but when they talk to me and get to know me they go away because I’m a free spirit, smart, and won’t be controlled. I’m not defensive about it but calm which is even worse right? So, that’s unloveable on this planet. I’m not capable of being a compliant woman with the social order. I have my own order and it’s creative. I love what I’ve created for my life and it’s my solace.

Friendship includes someone to talk to with whom I can relax. We get each other. It’s not like climbing a mountain to communicate and no one is overdramatic. There may be a bit of contention which is common but overall, you enjoy talking to each other and being together. Sex is just a pleasure and very healthy. That one is easy.

There are all kinds of studies showing that humans who receive no touch or intimacy decline in health. Shallow sex is also bad for the psyche because it lacks emotional bonding that we all need. I’m actually concerned about that for myself. But studies also show that what ages and brings down the health of women the quickest is living with a man! That sounds ironic but…

Obviously, living with the wrong man is what they mean. The wrong man is the one you’re not compatible with during normal hours, not just sex. The right man is your best friend. You’re very fortunate if you find it.

Heartset; “I love you”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is “I want to consume you like a delicious brownie.” But in truth, they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for and want a piece of it. It’s delicious! It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to be with you in person. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction to self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring and loving because they love and care for themselves and have forgiven those that have hurt them because the people who did that don’t love themselves. Welcome to Earth.

Prose; Spiralling Paradox


Image

The gravity of each individual Mind pulls us and keeps us in the body, giving off a specific gift, look, flavor, color, and feel.

Individual cells dance with electromagnetic charge set in motion by our feelings and thoughts.

Complete…we can co-create just as we are right now.

Yet gravity still makes us spiral as One toward The Center, all touching and affecting each other.

It’s a paradox.

We are individuals yet we are One.

 

Heartset; Love, Affinity, Growth, Fun, & Destiny all needed for Intimacy


fall leaves

I have lost all of the mates I’ve had so much in common with; either through divorce or death equally. Neither of these things was within my control. We can control ourselves but you learn that you cannot control others. It’s one of the big lessons of mating and being intimate with someone.

Even if you are not visited by death or divorce, it takes more than having things in common to keep two people together. I believe love is the glue overall but love is not just a feeling. It’s more complicated than that.

It’s not very sexy is it…the word growth.  It sounds very serious to me. It doesn’t matter how it sounds though because it’s an inevitable part of life. Most of us like to have fun. Life is fraught with enough negative media, break-ups, death, groveling for money and headbanging over college exams and getting along with professors. It’s important to take breaks, go for walks, have some tea, dance, listen to music that makes you happy and want to move. I do all of those things to be happy in the midst of challenges, which will frankly, never end until we’re done with this life.

But there is another kind of growth. The kind where your heart is involved, reasonably so, but your mind assesses the situation and there is doubt. We make a very big deal in our culture about the agreement, affinity, and a meeting of the minds. We’ve all been in enough relationships to know that you are never going to agree 100% on everything when you are mated or in a close friendship. This is one of the biggest challenges in life and the one that precipitates the most growth for my soul.  It also causes the most angst. I think it’s sexy though because I’m a soulful woman.

Destiny plays a hand here. What lessons did you come to learn as a soul? What do you need to push through? Can you feel that certain people are good for you to be around and others are not? That is the case. “That’s NOT the kind of person I need to learn anything from!” If you can say that right away about someone, there ya have it! But with others, it’s not so simple.  You might not agree with them many times but you love them and you have no idea why. I think it’s a gift.

If you’ve ever loved someone who is very different from you or at a very different place in their life, it feels mysterious. I wonder why I’m drawn to that person. I really don’t have a lot in common but just some. Maybe we have things in common that we don’t even know about yet. But what is superficial? A political party, the past, and how much money we make as long as it’s enough to live or thrive as the case may be, style, culture.  So don’t discuss the superficial things then.

What is important is whether or not our hearts are open and we care for people. Do we have faith in something eternal or at least something bigger than ourselves? Do we take care of and love our bodies (health)? Do we abide by the law? Do we want to improve our minds? I would say these are foundational issues for intimacy. Then if something does end due to death or divorce, at least you had intimacy! That’s a good thing.

Heartset; Inspiration Is Just Competition


 

looking in the mirror

We are our own best friend or our own worst enemy.

Sometimes being inspired by someone just means you want to compete with them. Competition is a bit of an illusion because there is plenty to go around and you can’t compare two people’s lives to each other. Thus, there is no real competition. We’re all very different and have paid the piper different amounts based on our choices. Ultimately, we’re competing with a vision of who we want to be and who we really are, so be careful projecting that onto others. Just look in the mirror and be honest with yourself if you really want power over your life.

 

 

 

Essay; 10 Reasons It’s Hard For Smart Women To Find Love


1. They aren’t afraid to be by themselves.

Smart women know what they want and aren’t willing to settle for anything less. They know the importance of staying true to themselves and they also realize that sacrificing their needs for the sake of love with the wrong person will only cause resentment in the long run. They do not have to settle out of fear of being alone, or fear of social implications by others’ who do not understand a woman’s ability to be by herself and be happy.

2. They know what they want.

Every woman has a mental “checklist” of what they are looking for in a significant other. A smart woman’s checklist tends to be either longer or more specific than those who want a significant other, just to have a significant other. They know themselves and in turn, know what type of person they can and can’t be with.

3. They don’t need another person to facilitate their lifestyle.

The past portrays that women needed to go straight from their father’s house to their husband’s. In the modern world women no longer need another person to help them live on their own; they may have realized they prefer that alone time. Therefore, knowing that they will eventually have to share that space can be scary for an independent woman.

4. They have other commitments that take priority over dating.

Careers, friendships, family, extra-curricular pursuits, whatever it is that she has going on may not allow for as much time to date as it takes to find the right mate.

5. They are hyper-aware that relationships end and can let their knowledge of the past affect their future potential relationships.

They have a harder time “living in the moment” and do not want to waste their time; as time truly is a valuable asset to a smart woman. They need to know that there is a future and that their potential mate is on the same page.  Marriages, kids, finances, etc.

6. They know that attraction is only half the battle.

Physical attraction is an important aspect of finding love, but smart women understand that attraction is fleeting and can be altered once you see what is underneath.  While a woman’s hormones tend to make the first step towards finding love, smart women understand that it is the intimacy developed (and maintained) by both people that dictate whether or not a relationship can last.

7. They can be intimidating.

When a woman is intelligent she isn’t afraid to stand up and say what she thinks. This is a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow. Whether it’s because they don’t know how to react, or if it’s because they don’t feel they can live up to her expectations; either way, it can be somewhat intimidating for potential lovers and even friends.

8. They understand change.

They don’t pretend that they, and their partners, will be the same person years down the road. They want to grow and they have ambitions for their futures that will change who they are, and ultimately, what they want. Knowing this makes it harder for a woman to commit to a partner for a long period of time.

9. They have a vast understanding of modern dating practices and don’t necessarily like, nor agree, with them.

Dating is no longer a means of survival for women. As stated before, since we no longer need to be passed from father to husband as well as we have the capability to live alone – dating is truly meant to find a companion whom you love and want to share your life, interests, and future with.

10. They know not to trust their hearts with just anyone.

This reason is the culmination of all of the ways it is harder for smart women to find love. Deciding whether someone is worthy of an intelligent woman’s heart is not an easy task and we do not take it lightly. Intelligent women have to weigh the pro’s and con’s and decide if the risk of loving another person is worth the devastation that can occur if it doesn’t work out.

Heartset; Who has your back?


lemniscate2

If you didn’t need human permission to be born and you don’t need human permission to die, why do you think you need human permission to live your life as you see fit, or that it is at least a good expansive experience for you? The same Energy that got you here and helps you leave here…HAS you here.

1/13/13 copyright Lisa K. Townsend

Prose; “I Love You”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is that they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for. It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to hang out with you. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring.

Essay; Affinity


695-05778551

It’s a good feeling to have enough in common with someone that you feel happy and relaxed being with them. This is nothing to take for granted because we are each very individual people within ourselves that need to be honest. We all want someone to know who we are for some reason. It seems to me, that honesty has to some extent been whipped out of us by the media, at least in America, to the point of most people not really knowing who they are because they have to be fake to make a modicum of money. I used to live like that and I don’t anymore. I’m completely working in my truth and I always have what I need monetarily. Consequently, my health is improving. The Universe works that way. Just be yourself.

The glitches start to come when you’re afraid you’re not loveable to another…really. I speak from experience. None of our parents perfectly loved us and some even completely failed to love us by being abusive and neglectful. Meaning, human parents can only be expected to love their children on a very basic earth level of keeping you fed, clothed, warm, clean, and healthy because we live on a war-torn, evolving planet. On Earth, you’re fortunate if you have food to eat and someplace to defecate. Throw some warm affection in there and that’s actually great. I think most parents succeed in this but some really were in no position to have children and you showed up. Someone can tell you that none of it was your fault but it doesn’t feel that way. That’s where having a relationship with Spirit and your Intuition comes in to heal that. You can use talk therapy until the cows come home but you also need to move the energy in your body which is what bodywork and a healthy workout are for. Counseling can teach you things and help you move your mind around but your literal energy in your body needs to be moved as well on a level of manifestation.

The subconscious mind is patterned with a deficit because the mother and father set those patterns. The good news is, over time and with focused habit, your conscious mind as a soul can overstep the subconscious mind so that you sit in soul truth. Who you are as an eternal soul are the feelings to run and they are unique to each person. The risk is when you start being intimate emotionally and physically with someone, those unconscious memories of not being loved well as needed by your parents start to come up. Again, I speak from experience.

I have completely pivoted on this. Even if I am a lover, friend, committed and living with someone, in no way will I become dependent on them or feel I can control or change them. I know how to nurture and love myself. I don’t want, in any way, to relate to them the way I did to a family member. Nor do I need to do that anymore. That pivot will put you out the outside leading edge. Just a flag to you. You will start to be internally healthy, happy, and independent when most people aren’t.

I believe that this is the only way an adult relationship can succeed is if you are both self-actualized adults and no longer responding emotionally the way you did in your family. Maybe once in a while, it may unconsciously surface, but it’s your responsibility to see that it’s rare and to love your partner or friend as much as you love yourself. That’s true love. Obviously, you have to look in the mirror and love yourself first.