…and that’s why there is no attachment


rsz_1sex_workerProfessional sex workers are as important to men as professional therapists, counselors, and psychologists are to women. If relationships mean the world to most women, and they do, then they like therapists who help them navigate the choppy waters. Women are more complex than men. We are also given more freedom to express our emotions in society.

The same goes for men with professional prostitutes. Men are simple. Prostitutes are likely the top women on his list because they’re willing to do whatever he wants and needs to please him with no relationship so he can continue being dedicated to his work and money. Today, at this moment, that could be considered toxic masculinity. I’m really not sure. I’m observing the issue. That’s love and that’s heaven for him, just as relationships are for women.

Yet think about the fact that in American society, sex is not considered loving, is degraded, is ultra natural and is considered to be far below bonding, relationships, and love. Two men, I’ve spoken with absolutely agree that sex can be like defecation to them and that’s fine. No woman I’ve talked to would view sex that way in a million years. Sex is spiritual and emotional for us and it really is toxic for a man to ask us to be any other way. Women that agree to that hate men. But men are supposed to submit to female values which are widely considered to be superior. Are they? Or are these values biased? Are women’s sex values ever toxic? Like, only marrying a man for the child she can give him, the father role he can play, and the money he can provide while she does that? Isn’t she using him?

I have no position on this yet but I am examining the issue because I have very intelligent males friends (more than one), who believe it’s perfectly fine for women to be professional sex workers and treat me like they wish I was one, free of charge, no emotions. I’m not. I’m a human being, a woman with a warm heart, and a professional therapist. But the men in my office treat me like I should be a sex worker, unrelenting. The events in our society seem to be making men even more aggressive than before!professional therapist worker

What’s a good woman with a good heart to do who likes bonding and love? We live in a fallow garden. Our children grow up and move on with their lives. We have to cultivate doing what we love, have our own money and work and our own homes. It is a mistake to trust men or to rely on them for anything if you’re a good hearted woman. Above all, take care of your health. You’re the only one really keeping an eye on things. That’s the reality, only no one wants to admit it.

 

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Famished


Ciron-the-centaurI am so dull at the specter of rapacious male lust that is overfull and never sated.

Colossus centaur in his superhero fantasy, piggish and greedy for huge breasts and a river of pussy.

It’s just food to him…her body. Just…a meal to gratify his insatiate greed…unless he loves her.

He can turn into a freak devil that does the same thing with hollow power…unless he loves her.

Even if she wanted to she couldn’t fill his black hole of need. A surfeit of money, accolade, ambition, and respect is a snack, but he is not yet a muscle-bound giant so the bloody feast must rage on.

He doesn’t know anything divergent, no other way to prevail, so it’s not something to be rabid about. As a male, every single institution has indoctrinated him to dominate and be a consumer who overfills his barbarian, carnivorous soul. He wasn’t born this way, it’s calculated so he can be of maximum use in the machine with very large teeth.

As a woman, every single institution from her birth has taught her that it’s a handicraft to feed his hungry lost soul, that he cannot feed himself, that he needs to be fed by everything she is, can do or possess because he is barren. Is he really barren of love?

The truth is…he has it all because woman indulged him and gave him her vitality. She didn’t have to! She still does long to give him all of her allegiances and not be loved in return. Why? It’s her undoing. It’s calculated so she can be of maximum use in the machine with very large teeth.

He thinks it’s control from her because he feels dependent and hungry, controlled by his edacious body or the cruel vacuum of his mother’s love. And it’s not just the food he needs, its flavor. He’ll even go to another planet to consume what they have, trying to find a novel flavor. Why does she feel sorry for his empty belly that covers an unrequited heart? He has a heart. We know it.

I’m one of the trifling women that knows you have excitability that lasts beyond a hook-up. The thing about me though…is I don’t particularly care. If you don’t want me, I’ll start to forget about you. Out of sight out of mind!

Men are cursed nomads, wandering the earth without love in them or loving anyone outside of themselves until they really…do…let themselves receive the gift of loving a woman that is not his mother! and need to be with her. It’s totally up to him. All a woman does is exist as she is. She has no control over his choice…at all.

A woman is always complete in herself, fed, not famished, all by herself. But a man is not. His insatiable lust and thirst that calls forth our pity really, will never be quenched until he lets himself be with her completely. A woman needs to have compassion on his need and fall into his arms if he is unrelenting. And yes, she is feeding him, once again.

A man is truly healed and made happy by truly loving a woman, not so much by her loving him because she loves all the time! That is her gift to herself. Because she exists…he found her and he learns to love. That is the greatest gift a man can have and then he’s no longer famished.

Lisa T. 1/4/2019

 

 

Possessing Free Will Does Not Make us Separate From One Another


Deterministic philosophy is all the rage and so very hip these days. Machine learning, A.I., tech, humans as cogs in a wheel and not really culpable for our choices from second to second. There is no moral responsibility and no duty then. Everyone is completely free to be low level selfish and just use each other. Why not stare at our androids and be macabre and depressed? Add to that disparaging spirituality, the existence of God or Source and outright hatred of religious expressions and sentimentality and it has become an emotional bias on the part of the anarchists, the clever, and the elite. Maybe they feel oppressed or in the minority on this issue? Too many people are happy and positive, empowered and taking action and making them want to hurl? Statistics have shown that most people on the planet believe in God and an afterlife. That’s terrible news for a determinist in their cave of cynicism.

We could be rational and intuitive, instead of pretending to be just rational like a robot. Let’s get a handle on our emotions. Yes, you do have feelings. We all do. Men especially need to be allowed to be human beings, not robots. And frankly, it’s up to the women to kind of, open the window and let the fresh air in for them. It does require a lot of patience and sighing. We’ve had permission socially to be emotional and intuitive for thousands of years as mothers. Men have NOT had permission and it’s a freaking debacle for them and for everyone!

First, here is the definition of deterministic philosophy and it’s types. It’s not very long;

Click here Unless You Don’t Read. Then I insist You Click It.

” A theory that all events, including moral choices, are completely determined by previously existing causes. Determinism is usually understood to preclude free will because it entails that humans cannot act otherwise than they do. The theory holds that the universe is utterly rational because complete knowledge of any given situation assures that unerring knowledge of its future is also possible.

Wait…the scientists can barely predict anything with any accuracy, especially when it comes to theoretical physics. They blame the existence of infinity for that. Yes, infinity has been proven.

Infinity is Ruining Physics

Real analysis

In real analysis, the symbol {\displaystyle \infty }, called “infinity” or the leminscate, is used to denote an unbounded limit.[21] The notation {\displaystyle x\rightarrow \infty } means that x grows without bound, and {\displaystyle x\to -\infty } means that  xdecreases without bound. If f(t) ≥ 0 for every t, then[22]

  • {\displaystyle \int _{a}^{b}f(t)\,dt=\infty } means that f(t) does not bound a finite area from {\displaystyle a} to {\displaystyle b}
  • {\displaystyle \int _{-\infty }^{\infty }f(t)\,dt=\infty } means that the area under f(t) is infinite.
  • {\displaystyle \int _{-\infty }^{\infty }f(t)\,dt=a} means that the total area under f(t) is finite, and equals {\displaystyle a}

Infinity is also used to describe infinite series:

  • {\displaystyle \sum _{i=0}^{\infty }f(i)=a} means that the sum of the infinite series converges to some real value {\displaystyle a}.
  • {\displaystyle \sum _{i=0}^{\infty }f(i)=\infty } means that the sum of the infinite series diverges in the specific sense that the partial sums grow without bound.[citation needed]

Infinity can be used not only to define a limit but as a value in the extended real number system. Points labeled {\displaystyle +\infty } and {\displaystyle -\infty } can be added to the topological space of the real numbers, producing the two-point compactification of the real numbers. Adding algebraic properties to this gives us the extended real numbers.[23] We can also treat {\displaystyle +\infty } and {\displaystyle -\infty }as the same, leading to the one-point compactification of the real numbers, which is the real projective line.[24] Projective geometry also refers to a line at infinity in plane geometry, a plane at infinity in three-dimensional space, and a hyperplane at infinity for general dimensions, each consisting of points at infinity.

Blah, blah, blah. As you can see, infinity is “a thing”.

Freewill increases unity and interdependence, not separateness which is dysfunction and conflict. Human beings tend to be willful and passionate. We are emotional creatures and that’s a good thing. It makes us individual creators that have unique perspectives. That perspective helps the universe expand and therefore, each person counts in the universal scheme of things. There is no other reason to live. If we live in a deterministic universe where we truly have no say, you may as well not be alive. Why are you taking up space as a cog in a wheel if you really believe that? Since no one really cares or shouldn’t because it doesn’t matter, we can have never-ending war and just kill every person on the planet and then blow it up.

No thanks. And, it’s highly irrational for people who claim to be detached and rational to believe anything of the sort.

cropped-beautiful-tree.jpg

 

Continue reading “Possessing Free Will Does Not Make us Separate From One Another”

What is Connection?


A connection is an affinity, an ease of communication, an understanding of another person, a desire to get to know someone better, the real possibility of a lasting friendship, and for women, respect. For men, it’s a huge turn-off to contemplate respecting a woman although most won’t admit it.

A connection does not denote love, being in love, physical attraction, desire for sex, desire to get married, desire to live with you, dreaming of a future, desire for a boyfriend, an attempt to control the other person, or dependency. Just because a guy feels a connection to a woman he really…should not freak out in fear that she’s going to control him with her feminine ways and make him give her babies. Or, post-reproduction, make him grow up and face and express his feelings. Most of us are too busy to try to control you. We ask that you organize yourselves. That’s usually asking too much though.

Interdependent connection between a woman and a man means you each have your own lives, take responsibility for knowing and expressing how you feel, making your own physical appointments, have boundaries that you agree on for privacy, but depend on each other for whatever you’re comfortable with which is usually quite a bit; affection, sex, sharing food duties, household chores, and child and pet care. Personally, though, I think couples need to have their own money and manage it themselves but sometimes merging it makes a bigger pile obviously. However, spending priorities can cause a divorce so, in that case, keep it separate.

I happened to be sitting next to a guy at a bar several months ago and he got a text from a woman he’d been dating. He told me she was really hot (like I need to know that. He wanted me to know that). She had just texted that she was willing to help him decorate his new place. He complained to me that that was intrusive and overcontrolling of her. I just shook my head. Men. You overinterpret us just being nice, way too much. We just like to do girly stuff.

You also make an awful lot of dumb assumptions about our sexual prowess and skill based on our body shape and size. That’s like assuming an orange that’s bigger than the other ones won’t taste as good pulling it off the tree when it truth, it will likely be sweeter and juicier! Your loss dude. Think through stuff more. A smart woman in life is a smart woman in bed, no matter her size. And if she’s smart, she’ll be detached in her feelings and won’t necessarily want you to stay. We independent types like the whole bed to ourselves. You’re programmed to prefer thin women and that’s just dumb.

Another guy I sat next to one time pointed out a large-sized waitress and said, “She looks good to me. It makes me hungry looking at her.” I’m thinking, “Does he see her as a roast chicken and potatoes or a human being?” I mean really! It would have been funny if it wasn’t so stupid! Again, I shook my head.

Women have given up on all of that. A simple connection means you guys stay calm enough, nixing the drama and fear, that we can have your short attention span for maybe ten minutes? Most women won’t settle for that anymore and many women are just going to women; lesbianism. The only women left who want you will be women that want babies and that will be all they want from you if that’s the only skill you’ve developed. But if you flirt, don’t lie about it and act like you haven’t. All guys flirt even just to see how far he can get, even if he doesn’t mean it. But if you flirt, and we flirt back, you better deliver dude.

Most women are independent, not dependent. Women “act” dependent for your ego. That’s it. Most women have an education and know they need to have their own money because let’s face it; most of the time you use your money to try to control us and then die or walk out and we would have no money. No woman wants to be controlled and penniless. There’s no room for love to grow there and no security for us. All women want love before anything else but many women have compromised for so long, not having the connection and affection they need that they’re out of touch with their body. Just sex is just the worst for us. It’s Mcdrive-thru Sex. Horrid. It also tells us you aren’t very bright. Only dogs just fuck and eat fast food for God’s sake.

I’ve known more than one man who I had friendship and affinity with and flirting, run the other way because I returned it. I’m mystified. We’re not supposed to like you back or you split? Are we just supposed to stand there, bask in it, and look pretty, never say anything smart and let you control every aspect of the relationship to your comfort level because you’re so insecure? That’s the only way you’ll come back or stick around? Oh well then, see ya!

Woman on a mountain

 

 

 

Do We Really Need to Depend on a Partner Intimately?


It is very true that we are interdependent on one another in the second layer of society; fireman, government workers, health care workers, shop owners, food producers, mail folks, airline pilots and workers, taxi drivers; really an endless list. These are generally people who could be considered strangers or acquaintances in our local area. None of them lives with us. There are literally millions of service workers who are paid to be of service to individuals should they need food or attention. The grocery stores even deliver food to your door if you’re disabled. It’s actually mind-blowing if you think about it. Absolutely anything you could possibly need in terms of material need is now made available to us all over the world, sometimes at the touch of a button by other human beings who are generally happy to be helpful and kind-or appear to be.

But none of that is intimacy. None of those people know us well. They only know us superficially, sometimes less than anyone on social media. But the stats are showing that more and more Americans like living alone especially after their children are grown. It’s also known to actually ruin loving relationships to have children and form a family. I have a theory that the institution of the family is the main reason for gluttony. It looks to me like people who live in a family blow up like a balloon! You’re living so closely with people with whom you function in a prescribed role, that you put on the layers as a defense mechanism. It seems the family is more stressed than ever with a very high divorce rate. Maybe that’s because it’s unnatural but we assume it’s not! There is no disputing that. The main thing that keeps people together is guilt and duty to their children after about ten years. That’s actually not a bad function of negative emotion in this case as children really do thrive on having both parents available if they can at least be civil to one another living in the same household. The child is forming their subconscious mind.

My son is grown and I’m single so I’ve talked to other singles and they all say the same thing; “I miss having someone to talk to.” Well, how much of that talking is defending your ideas to the other person or offloading your emotions that as an adult you’re fully capable of dealing with silently or with a therapist? No two people are exactly alike and one of my least favorite activities is feeling like I have to explain my unusual self to anyone. Just read my writing or ask my patients! My work speaks for itself. Do I really have to talk about it?

I’m a writer so I unload my ideas, observations, and thoughts on the page. If you really want to know me, read what I’ve written. It sort of tells me everything when my friends don’t want to read my book or my blog.  It seems to me that when we talk to someone, we’re writing out loud. The other person is the typewriter or computer keyboard and paper receiving your thoughts. Is that fair to do that to someone else verbally? Most people see you the way they need to see you anyway, not the way you really are. It’s a psychological projection but that’s where we are in society. It may even be less than that. They size you up by how you look and your gender and that’s it! I don’t think they care to see much more. When I really like someone, I just want to be with them, hang out, walk, cook food, lay next to them, have sex. I don’t want to talk all the time. Most people I know aren’t secure enough in themselves to silently hang out.

I’m a giver for a living, or a service worker in that I’m a bodyworker and work in healthcare. I take care of people for a living and love my work. I stay quite busy, my phone rings, people ask for my advice a lot and people are in and out all day. I receive much from doing it as well and charge a fair fee so there is reciprocation. In no way do I feel I’m martyring myself during my work.

But do I really want to spend more time having sex with someone or am I happy to have the time to myself to keep working on my body, working out, buying and preparing healthy food, walking, shopping for new clothes that fit me and all the fun that entails? I’m not a child anymore so I’m not physically dependent on being taken care of physically or financially by a partner. No one is! That is a taboo subject. You’ll always get pushback on that one because of the epidemic of dysfunctional parenting. You don’t have to be a slave to any of that though. Playing victim and being a victim is a profitable industry and shores up the existence of political parties as does being even more abusive to people that have already been victims. It’s a vicious cycle that only the individual can finally free themselves from. It’s not politically correct of me to point that out either.

I guess I’m in an experimental phase, seeing what I can get away with, how much can I make myself happy and not have to talk to anyone. Silence is good. I adore it.

Woman on a mountain

 

Not Caring is Ok Too


I see so much admonition and platitude doodling on FB and Twitter. Posts saying, “Be this way, not this way”, “Act this way, not this way” “Be your best, not your worst” and on and on.  I think it’s getting old. Human beings always just do what comes naturally to them. Most of us just behave in a way that we always behave or whatever is our habit.

It’s authentic, for good or bad. Frankly, just being yourself, grumpy, naked or clothed, dancing crazily around the house or sleeping a lot is what it is. Some people drink too much. Others eat too much. Some people are high all the time. All of that are emotions that haven’t come forward. But let’s face it; it’s not easy for any of us to admit when we feel angry, impatient, guilty, or selfish.

Still, it’s the truth and the truth is good. So honestly, I think most human beings just prefer that others around them just be themselves. Just be who you are in the moment and don’t try to be something else. It gets on my nerves when people act contrived and ambitious. I wonder what they’re hiding.

I don’t care how others act too much. If it really bothers me, I’ll find an exit. If I really like it, I’ll go towards it and I think most people do that. You don’t have to complain too much or try to change anything. Sometimes it’s best to relax and not care.

trendy-hipster-girl-relaxing-on-260nw-293580959

Can We Love One Another Without Traditional Bonding?


It depends on how you define bonding which I address below. In spiritual circles, we say, “Love at all times”. So the heart is always open, to everyone and we are protected by Spirit and use our intuition as a guide so there is no fear. We still have to be discerning about how we express love. For indeed, there is no fear in Love. So, that’s the idea. Many highly spiritual people succeed in this so I know it’s possible.

Like all good ideas, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; boots on the ground kind of thing. When I put this to the test in my relationships with men and women I’d like to have a more specific plan since I’m a lover and a giver. My cup is always full and I need to empty it. That’s why I’m a giver. The last thing I need is more offloading, vampires, users, fakers and very unstable in my space looking for love that they need to find within and can find within. That’s when my cup empties quickly. That’s where discernment comes in.

How can we keep a strong boundary as empaths and lovers?

  1. If you truly love the other person, you accept where they are on the Self-Love spectrum. Don’t rush in where angels fear to tread. Instead, observe their behavior. Are they intuitive with you as you are with them? Are they emotionally sensitive to you when you need a shoulder or a hug or just to talk? They can give to you if they give to their own Self. Also, how much do they talk about their family? Are they still enslaved by a toxic family and defined by their toxic projection onto them? This issue is epidemic. Reiki aligns it.
  2. Do you love your own body enough so that when you have sex, you don’t suck energy from the other person but just “share” who you are? If you truly love your body you will just enjoy each other’s bodies, you won’t feel the need to possess the other. The other person can feel it if you do that.
  3. Is your conversation and dynamic peaceful with the other person? Or are there feelings of tension, or one person does all the talking all the time while the other one listens. Do they ask you how YOU are or is it always about them?

Intuition comes into play here more than reason. Studies have shown that humans highly communicate through body language. Everybody has different feelings but it’s not others job to figure you out. It’s your job to figure you out and know how you feel. It’s called maturity and mindfulness. You are the one IN your relationship, other’s are not or should not be, so they are of no use coming to a decision, ultimately. Our friends can be a sounding board for our own feelings though. That’s what friends are for; not to tell you what to do in a relationship.

How do we define bonding?

  1. “I miss you when you’re not here.” You’re bonded
  2. ” I need you next to me in bed”. You’re bonded
  3. “I need to talk to you to feel secure.” You’re bonded
  4. “I want to be with you more or most of the time.” You’re bonded

The list can go on but it’s always, “I need”, “I want” like a child. As an adult, you are able to regulate feelings of need and want via your brain. If your brain isn’t regulating it, put boots on the ground again and get exercising, moving, eating healthy and drinking water. It’s that simple. Just do it and stop pondering it.

I think bonded is a misnomer. I’d say you’re latched on, like a baby breastfeeding on its mother or a small child getting the affirmation and attention that they need from their father. All of this is the subconscious mind repeating unresolved patterns with the birth parents. That’s the main problem in our society. We need to release subconscious programming and become adults in our conscious program that we design for ourselves.

Can women keep their feelings during sex and not bond? How?

Realize that your feelings are for yourself. The man is barely absorbing them or feeling them anyway because all he feels is your body. While it’s true that the body is your feelings and thoughts, being mentally aware of your feelings is a higher level of cognition that women have. Most men don’t have it. They haven’t evolved the skill of knowing how they feel past being hungry or horny. It’s unbelievable to women but it reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter when she referred to Ron as having the emotional range of a teaspoon. And it’s unfair for women to expect most men to be any different. That’s like asking women not to have breasts. Of course, we have breasts. It’s natural.

I would say “Yes”, we can love one another without traditional bonding but it’s not realistic to expect others to be able to. 98% of humans bond to one another and thus we have all the problems that we do on earth. People follow each other instead of their inner knowing. I personally think we need to grow past that but I certainly don’t expect it. True unity happens when we are all naturally sitting in our center. The fact is, we’re already bonded with all of life in the physical as one big family of Life. Just relax into that instead of adding another layer of latching on.

 

 

 

Men and Sex. Not the Same as Women! Polyamory vs. Celibacy


The male animal has been domesticated and it’s not all pretty. I think of that right-wing show I can’t stand, “Last Man Standing” with Tim Allan as the star. I am at a unique vantage point right now on this issue as a single, 55-year-old, financially independent woman.

The societal Disney pictures are that I’m supposed to have kids in college or graduated and grandchildren on the way in a loveless and sexless marriage going to church every Sunday in order to be respected and to be “an honest woman”. That is not the case here and I’m happy about it. I live my life in truth.

The societal Disney picture proscribed onto a 55-year-old man is pretty much the same but it’s far more likely that he is living a double life and is having sex on the side to add some novelty to his life. One life on one coast, one life on the other coast. Women don’t really have to do that and it isn’t fair is it? But we don’t need sexual novelty as a rule either. We just need love and security. We find real love through our children and grandchildren. I hear there is nothing better. Our mates have never been a terribly adequate source of love, let’s face it. Over time, we get tired of each other’s issues and the stats bear me out.

Women happily and independently move on and grow, usually living alone. The men are still dependent, stuck in this situation with nothing, having evolved with a brain that seeks more than one mate for reproduction. They are on the prowl again. There is an option for men; polyamory. This is a good article on it and explains reasons and motivations that have been studied.

Why People Choose Polyamory

I suppose some women like polyamory but I don’t think it comes naturally to us. Personally, if I can’t find the right partner that suits me emotionally and spiritually I remain celibate. I’ve done that for years at a time but never more than two. That sits very comfortably with me because I love deeply and never deny my feelings to suit men that are detached emotionally from sex.  So really, polyamory and celibacy are related in that, if you can’t find the right partner you do what you have to do; whatever you need. But we have to admit that love is a magnet for men and for women. When someone finally loves and understands you, you’ll go to the end of the world to be with them.

If women have emotional issues, we know how to deal with them, grow, and decide what we want; a new mate or remain single. Then we do whatever we want. If you take care of yourself, there are a million men who will chase you. You just have to pick one. But for friends or family who choose polyamory, this is a good article on the possible motivations so you can understand it better rather than judge it.

This particular quote really rang true to me.

“Polyamory can effectively skirt the need to face an addiction and the painful feelings it covers. However, polyamory can also be utilized as a healthy means of coping with psychological difficulties, pre-existing trauma, differences in sexual desire, and the garden variety erotic boredom so common in long-term monogamous marriages.”

I see so many clients with painful feelings that have not come to the surface and then it resides in their bodies. That directly affects their ability to bond and love a mate and have great sex. This is just one of the reasons for polyamory. And of course, the basis of that is the parents and time in utero, and the early childhood that formed the subconscious mind; especially the mother. I have compassion for men that were born to very wounded, unstable mothers. They don’t have much feminine principle strength within them to pull from. Girls of wounded mothers do; themselves. It’s a blessing to be born female, no matter what the Chinese think. The inner mother is our greatest guide and support on this planet.

For men, I can only hope that they find a female friend that loves and nurtures them just as they are so they can learn to love their body, take care of themselves and be empowered men. Women have no excuse. We are the strong ones on the planet hands down. It is our responsibility to lead, take care of ourselves and to teach healing by being a good example.

People Are Who They Are


One of the things I think we all know as an adult is that you can’t change anyone. But it’s funny that we still try. I’m still single, not even a boyfriend and I’d say I’m content this way for now. However, I still have men DM’ing me quite often in all of the social media boxes, trying to get me to do their bidding, pay attention, throw them a bone, give them what they want and generally flirt. Out of fifteen, maybe I’ll be a bit interested in one.

I’ve experienced this over and over with men; even the ones that love me just as I am. In my line of work we call it offloading or projecting. Over and over, even the nice guys with a genuine heart want me to be what they need me to be. Very rarely are they interested in who I am, what I care about, and how I feel. The last fellow I dated said that I should stop looking so pretty and then I wouldn’t get bothered so much going on my walk three times around the block. What’s next? A burka? I don’t even wear much makeup and hardly spend any money on clothes! I just am who I am and I told him as much.

I’m secure, stable, smart and I take care of myself. That’s just too much to handle for a man that needs a woman made of clay who he can mold or who will mold herself to him or fake an orgasm. I am who I am. I’ll remain alone before I change for anyone or fake an orgasm to shore up a man’s ego. Women do that all the time by the way. If guys read women’s feeling better or if women were more honest they’d know.

I have vices; for example, I say I’ll show up at a party I’m invited to and because I’m a writer and an introvert I’d rather stay home and so I do. I cancel. If a project is too challenging or I bit off more than I could chew, sometimes I don’t finish it.  Sometimes I say I’m just going to have one drink and I have three, although I almost always only have one. I feel incredibly emotionally detached from most human beings because I find them far too emotionally indulgent for my comfort level and lacking in inner discipline. I’d say all of these things about me are unattractive but I am who I am. I’m also a big flirt in person because I can be! It’s fun! I do not flirt on social media though. The men always initiate there.

Honesty with yourself and someone you’re dating is super important to keep your energy aligned. I find myself very distracted and unable to get my work done when too many emotions and sex have been flying around. I just need to be authentic with a man. Maybe some women expect men to change too, but can women ever really be themselves and be truly loved when men are who they are?