What is Connection?

A connection is an affinity, an ease of communication, an understanding of another person, a desire to get to know someone better, the real possibility of a lasting friendship, and for women, respect. For men, it’s a huge turn-off to contemplate respecting a woman although most won’t admit it.

A connection does not denote love, being in love, physical attraction, desire for sex, desire to get married, desire to live with you, dreaming of a future, desire for a boyfriend, an attempt to control the other person, or dependency. Just because a guy feels a connection to a woman he really…should not freak out in fear that she’s going to control him with her feminine ways and make him give her babies. Or, post-reproduction, make him grow up and face and express his feelings. Most of us are too busy to try to control you. We ask that you organize yourselves. That’s usually asking too much though.

Interdependent connection between a woman and a man means you each have your own lives, take responsibility for knowing and expressing how you feel, making your own physical appointments, have boundaries that you agree on for privacy, but depend on each other for whatever you’re comfortable with which is usually quite a bit; affection, sex, sharing food duties, household chores, and child and pet care. Personally, though, I think couples need to have their own money and manage it themselves but sometimes merging it makes a bigger pile obviously. However, spending priorities can cause a divorce so, in that case, keep it separate.

I happened to be sitting next to a guy at a bar several months ago and he got a text from a woman he’d been dating. He told me she was really hot (like I need to know that. He wanted me to know that). She had just texted that she was willing to help him decorate his new place. He complained to me that that was intrusive and overcontrolling of her. I just shook my head. Men. You overinterpret us just being nice, way too much. We just like to do girly stuff.

You also make an awful lot of dumb assumptions about our sexual prowess and skill based on our body shape and size. That’s like assuming an orange that’s bigger than the other ones won’t taste as good pulling it off the tree when it truth, it will likely be sweeter and juicier! Your loss dude. Think through stuff more. A smart woman in life is a smart woman in bed, no matter her size. And if she’s smart, she’ll be detached in her feelings and won’t necessarily want you to stay. We independent types like the whole bed to ourselves. You’re programmed to prefer thin women and that’s just dumb.

Another guy I sat next to one time pointed out a large-sized waitress and said, “She looks good to me. It makes me hungry looking at her.” I’m thinking, “Does he see her as a roast chicken and potatoes or a human being?” I mean really! It would have been funny if it wasn’t so stupid! Again, I shook my head.

Women have given up on all of that. A simple connection means you guys stay calm enough, nixing the drama and fear, that we can have your short attention span for maybe ten minutes? Most women won’t settle for that anymore and many women are just going to women; lesbianism. The only women left who want you will be women that want babies and that will be all they want from you if that’s the only skill you’ve developed. But if you flirt, don’t lie about it and act like you haven’t. All guys flirt even just to see how far he can get, even if he doesn’t mean it. But if you flirt, and we flirt back, you better deliver dude.

Most women are independent, not dependent. Women “act” dependent for your ego. That’s it. Most women have an education and know they need to have their own money because let’s face it; most of the time you use your money to try to control us and then die or walk out and we would have no money. No woman wants to be controlled and penniless. There’s no room for love to grow there and no security for us. All women want love before anything else but many women have compromised for so long, not having the connection and affection they need that they’re out of touch with their body. Just sex is just the worst for us. It’s Mcdrive-thru Sex. Horrid. It also tells us you aren’t very bright. Only dogs just fuck and eat fast food for God’s sake.

I’ve known more than one man who I had friendship and affinity with and flirting, run the other way because I returned it. I’m mystified. We’re not supposed to like you back or you split? Are we just supposed to stand there, bask in it, and look pretty, never say anything smart and let you control every aspect of the relationship to your comfort level because you’re so insecure? That’s the only way you’ll come back or stick around? Oh well then, see ya!

Woman on a mountain

 

 

 

An Addict’s Ability to Project is Prolific

My experience and intuition tell me that this happens when a person isn’t in control of their own body, habits, and life. It’s ultimately a health issue and usually tied to addiction.

It doesn’t matter how much you love someone or if they are your soul mate or your twin flame; the committed addict ruins everything. They have to use a drug to nullify their feelings and make every excuse in the book to use it and even break the law and justify it. Gee, what would that be? Civil disobedience to unjust laws that protect the public from irrational behavior while you’re on the substance or god forbid, you’re driving while on something?

You have to move on. There is no choice here or you will go down with their ship. It’s not worth it.

Alcoholism and other addictions are epidemic in our society and I’m so sick of dealing with it everywhere I turn. The weirdest part is when there is memory loss regarding communication. Even when you have proof of what they said in an email or text and they deny it. It’s unbelievable that someone can still attempt to pin a behavior on you when you have proof that they are the ones behaving that way. Goodbye. No trust.

I guess the definition of an addict is someone who is completely out of touch with their feelings and haven’t a clue what the truth is for them. So they go haphazardly through life, screwing up all of their relationships with friends, co-workers, employees, mates, and children. You would think that would be incentive enough to get some help but I’m guessing they’d just as soon stay in denial and lazy about getting a grip and fixing it. They have no inner courage.

Those deep wounds aren’t anyone else’s’ problem but theirs no matter how hard they try to tell you there is something wrong with you. That is the projection and there is no end to it. There is such a thing as an innocent party who is just learning that you are abusing a substance to the point of behavior change. Once we learn that they are not cogent, then it’s our responsibility to walk away and let the chips fall where they will. Otherwise, you’ll get into co-dependency instead of interdependency and that’s not going to help anyone.

Co-dependent is enabler and addict depending on one another to keep the addiction going. Health, money, structure, and life is in chaos for both. It’s a destructive cycle and no one is healthy or happy. All of your relationships are screwed up and most people who know you are mad at you.

Interdependent means you both are in charge of your own lives, know how you feel, express it, take care of yourself, have friends who like you and you like them, have your money and things organized, are able to say you’re sorry, and like any normal human being, have needs and want to depend on someone for support once in a while.

Let’s hope we can pair up with the people we truly deserve, not the ones we don’t.
Sunset-over-Sea-of-Galilee-tb102904518

Body Image and Beaches in California; It Can Be Brutal

 

“Here’s to Michigan untanned, man-from-Glad skin, chubby bodies that keep us warm in the winter, and loving our neighbor as ourselves.”

I’m home, back from a mini-vacation in San Francisco, California. I had a good time but I hated my body while I was there. I was trying to use my intuition to figure it out while I was in the situation. Was I picking up the vibe from my friend who I was with? He was physically very confident, perfectly tanned, toned, and thin. But he wasn’t very healthy really. He just appeared that way. That’s Hollywood. Was it temporary insanity caused by all the flowers blooming in October? Maybe their intoxicating fragrance went to my head. My readers probably know that overall, I love and accept my body no matter what it’s going through at the moment. Feeling that way about myself, it is part of my acceptance and liberality with others. I accord them the same freedom from judgment in my office and in my life. But the projection from the dominant culture out there was so strong that I felt overwhelmed.

I just used the word liberality and I live in Michigan. We are liberal here as it relates to authentic nature. In our culture, a person is not only free to be themselves, but it’s also a social expectation that you will tell the truth about who you are and get to know your neighbor. None of that is the case in California. Nobody cares and hardly anyone looks at you and smiles. The state culture feels like one giant movie set to me where appearances and image are more important than talking to a friend when you need one or making sure you’re getting enough sleep and not abandoning your guest because of your own issues. Here in the northeast, we still have the old-fashioned value of taking care of one another, a reward for hard work and making sure our communities are liveable.

There is something to be said for basic human decency. If California is so liberal, why are there mounds of trash and graffiti on the freeway right next to million dollar houses? That’s a prison of true ugliness, not liberalism. Your neighbors are suffering, obviously. How can you live right next to them and ignore their need? How can you throw a banana peel out the window but legislate the protection of trees that are on someone else’s property? How can you act so happy and have so many mental health issues such as alcoholism, an eating disorder, and family enmeshment yet there’s hardly anywhere to get help? Why is the fake movie industry more important than human truth in a so-called democratically-held state?

California Body Image

I’m happy to live in Michigan and be from the East. I’ve decided the so-called fake democracy of the West Coast is no longer for me. My area is very pluralistic and we manage to be kind to one another just fine and pick up after ourselves no matter where we were born.

Oakland, CA2

 

 

Do We Really Need to Depend on a Partner Intimately?

It is very true that we are interdependent on one another in the second layer of society; fireman, government workers, health care workers, shop owners, food producers, mail folks, airline pilots and workers, taxi drivers; really an endless list. These are generally people who could be considered strangers or acquaintances in our local area. None of them lives with us. There are literally millions of service workers who are paid to be of service to individuals should they need food or attention. The grocery stores even deliver food to your door if you’re disabled. It’s actually mind-blowing if you think about it. Absolutely anything you could possibly need in terms of material need is now made available to us all over the world, sometimes at the touch of a button by other human beings who are generally happy to be helpful and kind-or appear to be.

But none of that is intimacy. None of those people know us well. They only know us superficially, sometimes less than anyone on social media. But the stats are showing that more and more Americans like living alone especially after their children are grown. It’s also known to actually ruin loving relationships to have children and form a family. I have a theory that the institution of the family is the main reason for gluttony. It looks to me like people who live in a family blow up like a balloon! You’re living so closely with people with whom you function in a prescribed role, that you put on the layers as a defense mechanism. It seems the family is more stressed than ever with a very high divorce rate. Maybe that’s because it’s unnatural but we assume it’s not! There is no disputing that. The main thing that keeps people together is guilt and duty to their children after about ten years. That’s actually not a bad function of negative emotion in this case as children really do thrive on having both parents available if they can at least be civil to one another living in the same household. The child is forming their subconscious mind.

My son is grown and I’m single so I’ve talked to other singles and they all say the same thing; “I miss having someone to talk to.” Well, how much of that talking is defending your ideas to the other person or offloading your emotions that as an adult you’re fully capable of dealing with silently or with a therapist? No two people are exactly alike and one of my least favorite activities is feeling like I have to explain my unusual self to anyone. Just read my writing or ask my patients! My work speaks for itself. Do I really have to talk about it?

I’m a writer so I unload my ideas, observations, and thoughts on the page. If you really want to know me, read what I’ve written. It sort of tells me everything when my friends don’t want to read my book or my blog.  It seems to me that when we talk to someone, we’re writing out loud. The other person is the typewriter or computer keyboard and paper receiving your thoughts. Is that fair to do that to someone else verbally? Most people see you the way they need to see you anyway, not the way you really are. It’s a psychological projection but that’s where we are in society. It may even be less than that. They size you up by how you look and your gender and that’s it! I don’t think they care to see much more. When I really like someone, I just want to be with them, hang out, walk, cook food, lay next to them, have sex. I don’t want to talk all the time. Most people I know aren’t secure enough in themselves to silently hang out.

I’m a giver for a living, or a service worker in that I’m a bodyworker and work in healthcare. I take care of people for a living and love my work. I stay quite busy, my phone rings, people ask for my advice a lot and people are in and out all day. I receive much from doing it as well and charge a fair fee so there is reciprocation. In no way do I feel I’m martyring myself during my work.

But do I really want to spend more time having sex with someone or am I happy to have the time to myself to keep working on my body, working out, buying and preparing healthy food, walking, shopping for new clothes that fit me and all the fun that entails? I’m not a child anymore so I’m not physically dependent on being taken care of physically or financially by a partner. No one is! That is a taboo subject. You’ll always get pushback on that one because of the epidemic of dysfunctional parenting. You don’t have to be a slave to any of that though. Playing victim and being a victim is a profitable industry and shores up the existence of political parties as does being even more abusive to people that have already been victims. It’s a vicious cycle that only the individual can finally free themselves from. It’s not politically correct of me to point that out either.

I guess I’m in an experimental phase, seeing what I can get away with, how much can I make myself happy and not have to talk to anyone. Silence is good. I adore it.

Woman on a mountain

 

Not Caring is Ok Too

I see so much admonition and platitude doodling on FB and Twitter. Posts saying, “Be this way, not this way”, “Act this way, not this way” “Be your best, not your worst” and on and on.  I think it’s getting old. Human beings always just do what comes naturally to them. Most of us just behave in a way that we always behave or whatever is our habit.

It’s authentic, for good or bad. Frankly, just being yourself, grumpy, naked or clothed, dancing crazily around the house or sleeping a lot is what it is. Some people drink too much. Others eat too much. Some people are high all the time. All of that are emotions that haven’t come forward. But let’s face it; it’s not easy for any of us to admit when we feel angry, impatient, guilty, or selfish.

Still, it’s the truth and the truth is good. So honestly, I think most human beings just prefer that others around them just be themselves. Just be who you are in the moment and don’t try to be something else. It gets on my nerves when people act contrived and ambitious. I wonder what they’re hiding.

I don’t care how others act too much. If it really bothers me, I’ll find an exit. If I really like it, I’ll go towards it and I think most people do that. You don’t have to complain too much or try to change anything. Sometimes it’s best to relax and not care.

trendy-hipster-girl-relaxing-on-260nw-293580959

What Intuition Is and Is Not

I’ve been an intuitive, psychic person my entire life. My brain is like a radio station picking up the signals. I just have to sort through them. I just picture a person, tune into their “station” and feel their vibe in my mind. Then I can see what’s going on with them, what they’re doing, how their feeling, you name it. I’m not going to do that all day because I’m living my own life. It would be terribly distracting and a waste of my time. I have no need to vampire off of other people’s vibes to keep myself afloat. I live from my own inner self. The human brain does have this capacity though and many people have it.

It’s not a cake walk.  I’m a lightworker and a lover, so I’m very sensitive to nasty, crappy, toxic energy.  I don’t and won’t tune into people or read people that live on the “dark side” unless I have a super important reason to. Sometimes Spirit, says, “Go ahead. We’re here.” That energy is bad to expose yourself to. Most people that I’ve seen walk in between light and dark, yin and yang and that is quite normal for Earth because we’re all learning about our soul and mind power and how to use it correctly to be creators.

It is common for me to see pictures and sense feelings and energies upon meeting someone. It’s easy for me to hear and feel loved ones who have passed over when talking to someone on the phone and the details I receive are accurate. They confirm it when I’ve never spoken to them before nor have I met them. I can usually see what someone is doing when I’m talking to them on the phone, and I have prescient dreams. All of that is normal for me.  I think all human brains could do it if the skill was honed, but you need to allow it to flow.

I am not Wiccan, pagan, or anything because I don’t worship earth or the Universe or entities. I do believe in God and J.C. has my heart but the religions are no different than the state. I’m aware of how unusual I seem but I believe more people are admitting that they are attuned or have one or more psychic senses than before. In the American culture that means you don’t talk about yourself very much just to be safe. The Christians, in particular, are very afraid of spiritual gifts, but fear is the basis of that religion. I work and center in love always and my life is the proof of it. No book has the power to tell me who I am. Even God doesn’t presume to tell people who they are. I was born in 1963 so now in 2018, things are getting better in our society in regard to this. There are even spirit mediums who are on the national circuit and quite famous.

I can’t say I fully support that because as an intuitive myself, I feel like my time is better spent empowering people to find their own, natural psychic nature than doing it for them.  It’s no different in my office where in order for me to be a good example and teach people about what they’ve done to the soft tissue in their body, I have to put my hands on it and then they can feel how they’ve turned themselves to stone. The blood isn’t flowing as it should because their mind and emotions are clenched up. Don’t clench up or get angry too much or it will make you sick and in pain.  Let it go and forgive because it’s the best thing for you, not for the other person.

When the blood stops flowing through your flesh it’s because your emotions and thoughts are repressed or misdirected, and you are not expressing yourself in some fashion and releasing it. Or your activities are done in stressful mind. Then the vibration goes straight into every cell of your body.  There is no question here. All of this has been proven in the lab by neuroscientists. It’s a fact. I blogged about it as well in previous posts citing the examples.  So, if you’re uncomfortable with your feelings and unwilling to face and release habitual, negative thought, then just know that is the main reason you are ill or in pain. It’s not about blame and guilt but empowerment. You have the power to align your thoughts and heart through your own choosing. You are the only one who can finally be mindful of it and let it all go. That, and you don’t HAVE to say it to anyone. You can be private about your experiences, I believe.  Or journal it, let it go, and burn it! Privacy is important if you feel that way. That said if you really feel the need to talk it out, tell a counselor. But you still have to follow your own inner guidance.

Intuition is not “a hunch”, “a feeling”, “a sense”, “a guess” or following your nose to find the right way. Intuition is not a dream or emotions at all. Intuition is not the ability to “read minds” of people who are failing to communicate properly with you in the normal fashion. If I’m talking to someone, I’m listening to them and how they speak, I’m not intuitively reading them. That would be rude and more work for me when they need to do the work of communicating what they mean. Intuition is not “tuning into your heart” either.

Intuition is a function of the higher, rational brain and works in tandem with it. Great musicians, artists, and scientists use their whole brain in balance. Music IS math. Numbers are alive and can morph the way tuning on a musical note morphs. But the essence of the note or the number remains the same.

The more you use your brain for reading, critical thinking, writing, abstract thinking, and learning, the smarter you will become and the more highly developed both sides of your brain will be. We know we have a right and left brain hemisphere and one brain does the organizing work and the other one does the abstract spatial work but they always work together. This is the theme of my blog. Both men and women have intuition but because we are social creatures, for some reason, it’s perfectly acceptable for women to be intuitive and develop and show our sense highly but not so acceptable for men.  That’s a big detriment. Why is that? Men are intuitive too, obviously, because they do have a right brain hemisphere. The same is true for women able to analyze information in a rational manner and do well with math. Obviously, we are capable of that because we have a left brain hemisphere.

Advice that tells you to follow your feelings and your thoughts is not good advice. Listen to your feelings as an indication of your truth and use it to make a decision but use other things as well, such as your intuition. That’s like telling someone driving in a car to just follow the signs they see on the road. Well, no, don’t just go where the signs point because there are all kinds of signs pointing in all different directions depending on where you want or need to go. The higher mind, using both hemispheres and your psychic senses, can make choices, lay out a plan, have an idea in mind, have a rational sense, think it through, and have an intuition about the destination, Yes!?? I mean…really.  It’s the “think before you speak or leap” advice that is so rare on this planet. Too many people are running on instant gratification.

Don’t just do what you feel like doing or blow with the wind most of the time. That’s not to say you won’t make a mistake even if you think it through. The reason for that is the unconscious mind. It is there in our mind but we’re shielding it from ourselves because it’s too painful, like subconscious events from in utero-five years old that were brought on by our parents. Human history shows that those that blow with the wind litter the sides of the road and the hospitals far more than those who have used their mind to think it through. They also have more money, success, and productive communication and healthier relationships with the world around them.

Heart_of_Oneness

 

You Might Not Be Looking For a Relationship but Doesn’t Everyone Want to Love and Be Loved?

I wonder sometimes if women and men mean, “I’m not looking to be possessed or to possess anyone.” when they say, “I don’t want a relationship.” Words are important. When it comes to attraction, the words one uses matter.

This is why marriage always ends. In truth, no one can possess anyone. We belong to ourselves. It’s plain and simple. What keeps two people near each other is affinity, attraction, same waveform, and comfort with each other. What splits two people is change. People change, grow and move. That’s nature. So, “forever marriage” isn’t realistic and more and more people realize that. It’s only good for the time that you’re reproducing. It’s forced togetherness for a time and it’s not a bad idea! After all, the parents are the creators of the subconscious mind of a child. That is real togetherness. But hopefully, the child will outgrow being controlled by his subconscious mind, into his conscious mind and everyone can move on and be free.  That’s the ideal folks. Norman Rockwell was misguided.

Love, on the other hand, is everywhere, always. Mostly, it’s in us and we can’t lose it. So as you move and grow through life, you should always be able to find someone on your frequency, someone with which you have an affinity. Suffering is not called for in this life. You’re not going to get a prize for suffering and no one is requiring it of you. That’s one of the big lies of religion. It’s kind of silly because who needs religion to experience suffering?? It’s a given on this planet, everyone goes through it, no one can escape it, and no one gets a prize for being born; except a body. That’s your prize.

I find security in myself, by being what I need every day and keeping myself organized and productive. It’s futile to find security in human beings. I’m sorry to burst everyone’s social bubble. I never saw anything so foolish in my life as pining for that. Human beings change like the weather and it’s natural! If you follow their meanderings, you’ll get lost too. It just happened to me. I sometimes forget what it’s like dealing closely with people who are not in control of their lives. It doesn’t take long for me to remember at times like this and be grateful that I’ve created what I have; a solid foundation underlying an active situation on the ground that keeps shifting.

heraclitus1-2x

 

Bonding cont. “A House Is Not A Home”, Bill Evans, SO beautiful.

Here is a perfect example of the bonding I was talking about that tugs at everyone’s romantic heart strings.  But in the end??  I don’t know.  It is an absolutely beautiful song though…my favorite I think.

 

 

By Burt Bacharach & Hal David
A chair is still a chair
Even when there’s no one sitting there
But a chair is not a house
And a house is not a home
When there’s no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss good night
A room is still a room
Even when there’s nothing there but gloom
But a room is not a house
And a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart
Now and then I call your name
And suddenly your face appears
But it’s just a crazy game
When it ends, it ends in tears
Darling, have a heart
Don’t let one mistake keep us apart
I’m not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there still in love with me
I’m not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there still in love with me
Songwriters: Burt Bacharach / Hal David
A House Is Not A Home lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Can We Love One Another Without Traditional Bonding?

It depends on how you define bonding which I address below. In spiritual circles, we say, “Love at all times”. So the heart is always open, to everyone and we are protected by Spirit and use our intuition as a guide so there is no fear. We still have to be discerning about how we express love. For indeed, there is no fear in Love. So, that’s the idea. Many highly spiritual people succeed in this so I know it’s possible.

Like all good ideas, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; boots on the ground kind of thing. When I put this to the test in my relationships with men and women I’d like to have a more specific plan since I’m a lover and a giver. My cup is always full and I need to empty it. That’s why I’m a giver. The last thing I need is more offloading, vampires, users, fakers and very unstable in my space looking for love that they need to find within and can find within. That’s when my cup empties quickly. That’s where discernment comes in.

How can we keep a strong boundary as empaths and lovers?

  1. If you truly love the other person, you accept where they are on the Self-Love spectrum. Don’t rush in where angels fear to tread. Instead, observe their behavior. Are they intuitive with you as you are with them? Are they emotionally sensitive to you when you need a shoulder or a hug or just to talk? They can give to you if they give to their own Self. Also, how much do they talk about their family? Are they still enslaved by a toxic family and defined by their toxic projection onto them? This issue is epidemic. Reiki aligns it.
  2. Do you love your own body enough so that when you have sex, you don’t suck energy from the other person but just “share” who you are? If you truly love your body you will just enjoy each other’s bodies, you won’t feel the need to possess the other. The other person can feel it if you do that.
  3. Is your conversation and dynamic peaceful with the other person? Or are there feelings of tension, or one person does all the talking all the time while the other one listens. Do they ask you how YOU are or is it always about them?

Intuition comes into play here more than reason. Studies have shown that humans highly communicate through body language. Everybody has different feelings but it’s not others job to figure you out. It’s your job to figure you out and know how you feel. It’s called maturity and mindfulness. You are the one IN your relationship, other’s are not or should not be, so they are of no use coming to a decision, ultimately. Our friends can be a sounding board for our own feelings though. That’s what friends are for; not to tell you what to do in a relationship.

How do we define bonding?

  1. “I miss you when you’re not here.” You’re bonded
  2. ” I need you next to me in bed”. You’re bonded
  3. “I need to talk to you to feel secure.” You’re bonded
  4. “I want to be with you more or most of the time.” You’re bonded

The list can go on but it’s always, “I need”, “I want” like a child. As an adult, you are able to regulate feelings of need and want via your brain. If your brain isn’t regulating it, put boots on the ground again and get exercising, moving, eating healthy and drinking water. It’s that simple. Just do it and stop pondering it.

I think bonded is a misnomer. I’d say you’re latched on, like a baby breastfeeding on its mother or a small child getting the affirmation and attention that they need from their father. All of this is the subconscious mind repeating unresolved patterns with the birth parents. That’s the main problem in our society. We need to release subconscious programming and become adults in our conscious program that we design for ourselves.

Can women keep their feelings during sex and not bond? How?

Realize that your feelings are for yourself. The man is barely absorbing them or feeling them anyway because all he feels is your body. While it’s true that the body is your feelings and thoughts, being mentally aware of your feelings is a higher level of cognition that women have. Most men don’t have it. They haven’t evolved the skill of knowing how they feel past being hungry or horny. It’s unbelievable to women but it reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter when she referred to Ron as having the emotional range of a teaspoon. And it’s unfair for women to expect most men to be any different. That’s like asking women not to have breasts. Of course, we have breasts. It’s natural.

I would say “Yes”, we can love one another without traditional bonding but it’s not realistic to expect others to be able to. 98% of humans bond to one another and thus we have all the problems that we do on earth. People follow each other instead of their inner knowing. I personally think we need to grow past that but I certainly don’t expect it. True unity happens when we are all naturally sitting in our center. The fact is, we’re already bonded with all of life in the physical as one big family of Life. Just relax into that instead of adding another layer of latching on.

 

 

 

Men and Sex. Not the Same as Women! Polyamory vs. Celibacy

The male animal has been domesticated and it’s not all pretty. I think of that right-wing show I can’t stand, “Last Man Standing” with Tim Allan as the star. I am at a unique vantage point right now on this issue as a single, 55-year-old, financially independent woman.

The societal Disney pictures are that I’m supposed to have kids in college or graduated and grandchildren on the way in a loveless and sexless marriage going to church every Sunday in order to be respected and to be “an honest woman”. That is not the case here and I’m happy about it. I live my life in truth.

The societal Disney picture proscribed onto a 55-year-old man is pretty much the same but it’s far more likely that he is living a double life and is having sex on the side to add some novelty to his life. One life on one coast, one life on the other coast. Women don’t really have to do that and it isn’t fair is it? But we don’t need sexual novelty as a rule either. We just need love and security. We find real love through our children and grandchildren. I hear there is nothing better. Our mates have never been a terribly adequate source of love, let’s face it. Over time, we get tired of each other’s issues and the stats bear me out.

Women happily and independently move on and grow, usually living alone. The men are still dependent, stuck in this situation with nothing, having evolved with a brain that seeks more than one mate for reproduction. They are on the prowl again. There is an option for men; polyamory. This is a good article on it and explains reasons and motivations that have been studied.

Why People Choose Polyamory

I suppose some women like polyamory but I don’t think it comes naturally to us. Personally, if I can’t find the right partner that suits me emotionally and spiritually I remain celibate. I’ve done that for years at a time but never more than two. That sits very comfortably with me because I love deeply and never deny my feelings to suit men that are detached emotionally from sex.  So really, polyamory and celibacy are related in that, if you can’t find the right partner you do what you have to do; whatever you need. But we have to admit that love is a magnet for men and for women. When someone finally loves and understands you, you’ll go to the end of the world to be with them.

If women have emotional issues, we know how to deal with them, grow, and decide what we want; a new mate or remain single. Then we do whatever we want. If you take care of yourself, there are a million men who will chase you. You just have to pick one. But for friends or family who choose polyamory, this is a good article on the possible motivations so you can understand it better rather than judge it.

This particular quote really rang true to me.

“Polyamory can effectively skirt the need to face an addiction and the painful feelings it covers. However, polyamory can also be utilized as a healthy means of coping with psychological difficulties, pre-existing trauma, differences in sexual desire, and the garden variety erotic boredom so common in long-term monogamous marriages.”

I see so many clients with painful feelings that have not come to the surface and then it resides in their bodies. That directly affects their ability to bond and love a mate and have great sex. This is just one of the reasons for polyamory. And of course, the basis of that is the parents and time in utero, and the early childhood that formed the subconscious mind; especially the mother. I have compassion for men that were born to very wounded, unstable mothers. They don’t have much feminine principle strength within them to pull from. Girls of wounded mothers do; themselves. It’s a blessing to be born female, no matter what the Chinese think. The inner mother is our greatest guide and support on this planet.

For men, I can only hope that they find a female friend that loves and nurtures them just as they are so they can learn to love their body, take care of themselves and be empowered men. Women have no excuse. We are the strong ones on the planet hands down. It is our responsibility to lead, take care of ourselves and to teach healing by being a good example.