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Heartset; We Can Get a Room…


puzzle-klimt-eventail-index

Most women suck it up even though they don’t want to right away. What if you haven’t met him yet? What if you’ve just talked long distance for a long time? I have to get a vibe in person with a guy. I freakin’ don’t get why guys don’t care about that! They should. I did in the past but I’m not doing it anymore because I deserve to be turned on the way I get turned on. The pleasure of sex is for women also.

I understand and respect the fact that men are ego invested about offering a hookup to a woman and she turns him down when she’s indicated before that she’s attracted to him. It’s a huge deal to a dude. Especially if you already know each other. On the other hand, if a guy just met you and asks for a hook-up he’s basically treating you like a free prostitute. That’s just disgusting. No.

Not doing a hookup with an egomaniac or your boss can get you fired if they want you! That’s how mad guys get. I’ve experienced it first hand. If they know you and you’ve both been flirting, they expect a “Yes” or I suppose they think were teasing them. I think men take rejection harder than women do. I try not to be too hard on men that let me know they like me but the boundaries do have to be maintained and I have a history of maintaining them in the workplace and in my own office, to the frustration of quite a few men.

I don’t think most women are teasing. I believe we’re thinking, pondering, and checking, putting it through our intuitive radar because women know energy is exchanged as well as body fluids. That’s how we are with men if the woman has any self-respect. We’re in the laboratory of sexual attraction and IT IS NO EASY MATTER FOR US! We need you guys to accept that about us. I accept that it’s simpler for men and every woman knows that. Then you need to accept that it’s more complicated for us. The man’s value system should not dictate the situation and I challenge every woman to stick up for what she wants and what she’s comfortable with. At least have some of it your way. If he’s too pushy, he can walk.

I think a good compromise is three times alone together in person, at least, after you’ve known each other for months. I know that these days that sounds like a long time but, well, that’s just me. I’m sorry but unless there is emotional intimacy I’m not turned on.

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Heartset; A #Female #Intimacy Myth Revealed


There’s a myth I Rumi Water keep running into whenever I really like a man, we know each other and are friends, I’m attracted to him and want to have sex with him. His assumption is, given all of the desires I’ve listed above, I’ll fall in love with him or I am in love with him and want to put a leash around his neck or start a relationship. No, I don’t and it’s a bit insulting to assume women want or need to be hitched to a man or control him. We don’t. Women who want children are more that way for good reason but not me!

He assumes I will want to control him like a dog trainer. So wrong. So very, very wrong. I have my own life. I only control myself. I’m a cat you see. But if you suggest on a first date, “We can get a room,” Uhhh. No. Sex is not going to be the first date. If that’s what you want then you’ll get a woman that just lets her body and energy be eaten for a price or for free. Good luck with that. It’s chaos and she’s likely emotionally messed up as in “a sex addict.”

I’m starting to think it’s the other way around. If he has told me and continues to express that he likes me also, is attracted to me and also wants to have sex, he might fall in love with me, otherwise, we would meet-up. Why aren’t we meeting each other? He couldn’t hook me for sex with lying and saying he loved me as a friend. He obviously doesn’t. No integrity. He’s a user. I pose too much of a challenge.

At least I assumed it from the beginning. I let him run his game to see what he would do to get another notch on his bedpost. All lies.

Friendship and attraction are the basis of everything lasting. Possession and contracts kill it after you’ve had children. You don’t need it in middle age. Most couples break up after their kids are grown anyway. You get bored with each other as lovers and can just be friends. Sexual usage is jungle level not human level and shows a very low intelligence and low spirituality. No thanks.

The myth is that just because a woman has all of those things going on that I listed above that she’s in love with a guy. Nope. Nada. Huh-uh. Not the case.  Most women I know are very good at controlling their feelings and actually choosing them. We’re kind of expert at it for some reason, especially in middle age when there is no longer the motive of reproduction and the extreme lust that comes with reproductive hormones. Maybe we have a highly developed relationship between our amygdala and frontal cortex after fifty because we’ve learned a thing or two? We want real love and friendship, not just lust games, and personality compatibility, not just sex compatibility. Time to grow up.

I’m done. The karma machine is going to run ragged on this one. Good. I hate it when a man can’t emotionally deal with friendship and sex. It’s totally immature.

 

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Everyday Intuition; Competition at Home


BOOK FINISHED-Everyday Intuition-COVER JPGI remember feeling viscerally competitive on different levels with my previous mates with whom I lived. A lot of that is caused by sex. It gets you all riled up and thus the testosterone levels go up, especially for women which is not the best hormone to have in big supply. We need to relax. I believe that when you live with someone their energy rubs off on you for good or ill. The same would be true of the people with whom you work. This is not something of which most people are conscious.

When humans get around each other they compete more than anything else. To that end, just this morning, I realized that now that I live alone I am absolutely relaxed and feel no competition whatsoever with anyone. I love it. It really suits me and I’m in no mood to contend, compete, fight, create drama, watch the drama, compare myself to other women, try to match power with a man, or seek a man’s attention who has no real interest or connection to me.

It’s a dream come true to start to feel like I’m safe to inhabit my body and be true to myself in my work and personal life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It sure was hard getting to this point. Our world is completely vampiric, I’m here to tell you. Barely anyone is centered inside themselves and most people pull energy from outside of themselves from anything they can get their minds on. Not in my home, not in my office, and not with me.

Peace.

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Heartset; Social Media Shows Our Veneer


foggy-autumn

The veneer on a piece of furniture can appear in many ways.  It can be layers of paint, different color of stain, all of it possibly peeling.  There can even be gashes and dent to the wood underneath.

The wood underneath is the truth and it’s rarely seen. It’s the heart of the matter and how the piece of furniture looked at its founding; it’s construction done by the carpenter’s hand.  I love watching it progress, drinking in the smell of the wood.

When I look at any piece of furniture that has been stained or painted, I always wonder what the grain of the wood looks like underneath and what type of wood it is.  Then I wonder who built it, the year it was built and for whom.

All of our social media; Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, on and on, show only the veneer of humans. We are all projecting a public image that we want others to think is true. It’s the image that we are comfortable having others see. It is the truth regarding how we express ourselves verbally but it’s partial because we’re not in the room physically present with each other.  It serves to protect our deepest emotions and events of our lives from being too visible, too vulnerable as our bodies are visible. Maybe we are aligning with a group that “fixes” all that was wrong with our mother or father instead of aligning with our true selves in group settings.

I actually accept that about others. The reason being…underneath we are all innocent children that have had to learn to cope in certain family dynamics and fundamental societal expectations where most of the time, no one asked us what we wanted or how we felt. They just told us what we should do to fit in and be liked. Knowing and obeying those parameters helped us survive and maybe kept us alive. So we view that compromise as fundamentally good. But it’s not. It is surviving, not thriving. That’s how the veneer starts. Most of the veneer comes from religion, state schools, and our family.

It’s something to keep in mind when you communicate on social media. There is no way you’re getting an authentic picture of a person on any of those sites. We all cling to religions, political parties and value systems that we feel emotionally comfortable with culturally. That doesn’t mean that a person who is opposite of you doesn’t have a good heart or a stable mind. It’s amazing how convinced we can be of how right we are when we surround ourselves with people who agree with us.

It’s not about a group as right or wrong. It’s about caring to know who people really are underneath, listening, and being authentic ourselves. We’re called to love-not to judge…anyone…ever…for any reason.

 

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Heartset; “I love you”


hot-fudge-brownie-with

Mmmm, brownies are so good…for a while.

What some people mean by “I love you” is “I want to consume you like a delicious brownie.” But in truth, they are envious, jealous, and covet everything you’ve worked hard to become, and paid an earthly price for and want a piece of it. It’s delicious! It’s kind of like a brownie you want to eat. You don’t love the brownie, you want to consume and use the brownie for the sugar high, for free if possible. And then you hate the brownie when your sugar crashes.

Then the claim of inspiration comes when really it’s competition. “You inspire me so much! Thank you.” You know they feel uncomfortable or competitive around you if you never hear from them and they don’t want to be with you in person. And if you do hear from them with a smile on their face, they eventually start ripping away at your soul with their addiction to self-hate to try to bring you down. Or the conversation turns to offload and they want you to listen to everything about them and refuse to balance the conversation by asking you how you are and listening to you, realizing that you are a human being with needs. As long as it’s back and forth, it’s not offloading. Friends need each other to listen to each other sometimes. I only have two friends like that and they are both men. No women will be reciprocal friends with me and reach out to me. I always have to reach out to them and I’m not doing it anymore.

There is no short cut through others to loving and knowing who you are. I’m not eating that brownie. Once a month I might, but not usually. Loving yourself starts with making the choice to eat nutritious foods and making choices that are good for you because you value your body and your life. That includes being around people who reciprocate because they are capable of caring and loving because they love and care for themselves and have forgiven those that have hurt them because the people who did that don’t love themselves. Welcome to Earth.

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Prose; Adoration Be Damned


pink roses
I’m stalking a case for spring in the autumn of my middle age.

My assembled energy is diametrically opposite that of needing the validation of an amassed group of imposters pretending to agree so they can drink together later.

It’s not that I don’t like the group, or that I don’t occasionally have a very dry martini, I just don’t viscerally need the group. They get exhumed energy from each other; even demand it threatening social castigation, as though there would be any real loss there.

I haven’t figured out how to affix myself to a rumbling male in my present condition.

In addition, my mephitic eighteen-year-old son will be moving out of the house soon to go on his way to sow his oats and beans. My peaceful environment is proliferating.

As I think back on the men/mates I’ve adored and who have adored me, as vain as that sounds, it was called love at the time and then it turned into territorial civil war and possessive jealousy.

I’m pretty sure that uncorked behavior is common and some couples like it that way but some don’t. I don’t.

It’s just that, in this new paradigm of sitting in my body and owning myself, that adoration doesn’t feel like it’s all it’s cracked up to be.

It feels as though I’ve forged an alliance with a fawning cat whose nursing by pushing its paws into my chest.

Maybe it’s just the mood I’m in.

When a man starts to adore me he wants to own me, my time, and my body, like a puppy!

That’s been my experience with every man I’ve been with except this last guy I dated. He left me in the dog house neglected, but at least he didn’t bug me. I know there are all the ideas about giving your mate the space they need, but then the real emotions of amorous desire creep in.

“I want you”, “I adore you”, “I need you”, “I love you”, “I miss you” becomes a medieval prison!

I used to think I wanted to be adored by a man with high self-esteem and all the pheromones I need to be turned on, but now I’m not so sure.

I love my life, my work, my friends, and my home. Maybe all of that adoration would be oppressive! I’d have to respond after all or that would be rude.

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Heartset; Love, Affinity, Growth, Fun, & Destiny all needed for Intimacy


fall leaves

I have lost all of the mates I’ve had so much in common with; either through divorce or death equally. Neither of these things was within my control. We can control ourselves but you learn that you cannot control others. It’s one of the big lessons of mating and being intimate with someone.

Even if you are not visited by death or divorce, it takes more than having things in common to keep two people together. I believe love is the glue overall but love is not just a feeling. It’s more complicated than that.

It’s not very sexy is it…the word growth.  It sounds very serious to me. It doesn’t matter how it sounds though because it’s an inevitable part of life. Most of us like to have fun. Life is fraught with enough negative media, break-ups, death, groveling for money and headbanging over college exams and getting along with professors. It’s important to take breaks, go for walks, have some tea, dance, listen to music that makes you happy and want to move. I do all of those things to be happy in the midst of challenges, which will frankly, never end until we’re done with this life.

But there is another kind of growth. The kind where your heart is involved, reasonably so, but your mind assesses the situation and there is doubt. We make a very big deal in our culture about the agreement, affinity, and a meeting of the minds. We’ve all been in enough relationships to know that you are never going to agree 100% on everything when you are mated or in a close friendship. This is one of the biggest challenges in life and the one that precipitates the most growth for my soul.  It also causes the most angst. I think it’s sexy though because I’m a soulful woman.

Destiny plays a hand here. What lessons did you come to learn as a soul? What do you need to push through? Can you feel that certain people are good for you to be around and others are not? That is the case. “That’s NOT the kind of person I need to learn anything from!” If you can say that right away about someone, there ya have it! But with others, it’s not so simple.  You might not agree with them many times but you love them and you have no idea why. I think it’s a gift.

If you’ve ever loved someone who is very different from you or at a very different place in their life, it feels mysterious. I wonder why I’m drawn to that person. I really don’t have a lot in common but just some. Maybe we have things in common that we don’t even know about yet. But what is superficial? A political party, the past, and how much money we make as long as it’s enough to live or thrive as the case may be, style, culture.  So don’t discuss the superficial things then.

What is important is whether or not our hearts are open and we care for people. Do we have faith in something eternal or at least something bigger than ourselves? Do we take care of and love our bodies (health)? Do we abide by the law? Do we want to improve our minds? I would say these are foundational issues for intimacy. Then if something does end due to death or divorce, at least you had intimacy! That’s a good thing.

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Prose; Rear View Mirror


rear view mirror

I was looking straight ahead, as usual, driving my car.

I very rarely look at the car behind me in my rearview mirror.

For some reason, this time I did.

She was alone in her car with sunglasses on.  I tried not to stare because somehow, I could tell she was upset.

I must have had my empathic radar on again because she looked normal for ten seconds.

I kept glancing back though.

Ok, now she was crying very hard.

I could tell by the shape of her lips as she was trying to control herself and wiping under her eyes beneath the sunglasses.

So many questions and pictures went through my mind.

Did she just get a call from the hospital that her son had gotten into a car accident?

Did one of her parents just die?

Then she started hitting the passenger seat and crying while we sat at the red light.

Being the kind of person I am, I wished I could let her know I wanted to reach out to her somehow.

When she got angry and hit the seat, that caused me to think her husband either asked for a divorce, she caught him with another woman, or her boyfriend text broke up with her.

Then the light turned green.

I wondered all of that, seeing something I’ve never seen before all in a space of forty-five seconds.

I hope she’s ok but I’ll never know.

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Heartset; Breath controls Feelings


via Alone/lonely

I was inspired by Cristian Mihai’s blog about being alone. I shared the link above. Please read it if you have not. I actually just blogged on “I’m Alone Now” because my nineteen-year-old son left home.

I told Cristian that I related exactly to about eighty-percent of how he feels and I’m guessing many writers on here are introverts and love to be alone. But for me, it’s very positive. I never feel lonely. In fact, I wish I had longer streams of time, undisturbed alone to read, think and write. I’m still very busy in my home and have a small holistic business here so people are in and out. That may be part of it, I’m not sure.

I paused when Cristian wrote, “You can’t change how you feel”. Long pause. “Hmmm.” “No, he’s right.” I thought. “Feelings are organic. They just come up.” We all know that and it’s part of what makes us writers. But I have a physical process I go through that I want to share that turns my tears, worry, anxiety, sadness, the concern that comes up organically into feeling better.

I observe my breath. In and out. It is MY breath in MY body. I have complete control over how my breathing feels and how I allow my breath to reach my organs. I envision my blood pulsing through me. It feels very warm and loving. I relax my feet and make sure they are planted on the ground. I relax my legs. As a writer, I find immense joy and gratitude in feeling my brain and eyes process like a computer, my thoughts and then how my hands type. Then I stop and observe my breathing again. I am alive. I knew once and can remember what it felt like when I was almost dead in 1996 the day before my birthday when I had an ectopic pregnancy. I have this day, this time to keep learning and processing my journey in my body that no one else can control. I have control over this process and this moment.

So, I guess my technique is grounding. Think of a two-pronged plug that you put into a grounded wall socket. The two prongs are your legs and the electrical outlet is the ground; the Earth. When you inhabit and are mindful of your physical process, the chaotic, mean, death-riddled, unloving world can swirl around you unhindered. You have no control over any of them or their events. But you do have total, unequivocal control over tuning into YOUR BODY, plugging it in and turning it on and observing how each part of your body feels, not just the thoughts and emotions you tend to be running that day based on events, either theirs or yours.

I love my body so much for having its own balanced process that literally guides me and grounds me each day. Of course, I honor my heart, which has its organic emotional flow, but it…is…fickle. The heart is fickle!! At least mine is. Of course, I honor my thought processes. The brain/mind is amazing in its ability to digest and process information but the eyes only see what is visible, right in front of it in the light and believe only what it sees. The eyes only see ILLUSION and then your mind tells you it’s real. It’s a pretty good magic trick. The heart only feels immediate feelings and tell you they are real.

The body doesn’t lie. Your breath doesn’t lie. Just as sure as the trees know exactly how deep to push their roots, reach up with their branches, leaf out, drop their leaves and blow in a storm, so your body also has billions of years of DNA in evolution and it knows exactly…what to do. The same is true for all of nature from season to season. Nature is the truth and life itself.

Our health care system, our society, our media, and our civilization would take that grounding, the Earth life force, Gaia in all of her eternal ways and consciousness and tell her who she is and when to do it, as though she were a little girl. They would control that vital physical knowledge for themselves, hijack it from you and tell the daughters and sons of the Earth that they know your body better. They don’t. It’s your body, your truth, your power and your reason for being on the planet. Let the wisdom and rhythm of your body guide your heart and mind and you will be in a safe harbor while you live no matter what your heart and mind “see”.

Our bodies are ancient and universal and intimately tied to everything on the planet. We are gods and goddesses in all different forms dancing our way through time and eternity just for the sheer experience of it. Our in-breath and out-breath prove it.

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Freedom Bound by Sculptor Paige Bradley, http://paigebradley.com

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Essay; The Honest Middle Ground


man and woman

My last post, I made the point that I’m not interested in fawning adoration that leads to possessive marriage. Every woman I know is at a different point with this but it has to do with emotional maturity and financial independence. Most women don’t prefer marriage, from what I’ve gathered, unless they’re getting some type of needed security. But most of us aren’t interested in shallow hook-ups either! Some men get this, some don’t. It’s hard to believe. We know respecting a woman may be a turn-off to most men but you have to show respect to most women. We can tell if you’re sincere or not.

I’ll speak for myself

Friendship, attraction, love, and care are what I want and need. It’s the honest middle ground. Women are human beings. Does it really depend on what culture you come from as to whether you treat women as human beings? This needs to be a universal understanding. Possession in marriage, to some of us, is an insult. I’m a free person with my own life, work, and money. I’m not on the planet to soothe a man’s ego just as he is not soothing mine! Promiscuity is a hook-up with a stranger and is also an insult as I’m not a sex toy or the least bit turned on by strange men, for god’s sake. I guess I’m making the assumption that true love in marriage is Disneyland in my view. I know many disagree with me and that’s fine. I’ll entertain the notion but I’ve been married three times and there has never been true love.

Promiscuity or Possession

They are two far ends of the patriarchal spectrum that have been dominating our rules of relationships for hundreds of years. Lack of boundaries on the promiscuity end or lying on the possession end with a double standard applied to women allow men to rule the day. For men, getting continual sex by feigning a relationship via marriage has been the ritual. It also raises their status. For women, getting a fake, romantic relationship by giving sex in marriage has been the way women have manifested their true love; our children. That’s not good for women or children. I prefer mutual love with a man, not my children. Children end up rebelling against their parents anyway as it is nature. Women are adults and our roles and skills exceed motherhood. Children grow up and the parents need to let them go! It’s very dysfunctional not to. It’s a bad deal where no ones needs really get met, thus the divorce rate. That, and barely anyone is telling the truth; women or men.

The Honest Middle Ground

Lovers; Cat-type women could mate with cat-type men. I already posted on it. We tend to be interdependent and intelligent. Being a cat-type woman, I’ve been called strong and stubborn far too much. I am neither of those. In fact, I’m extremely warm, soft, sensitive, and vulnerable inside. It gives me a very strong heart. Stubborn is a misnomer. I know my own mind, what I need and say it and do it myself. That is still extremely taboo in our culture which still places coddling the male ego above everyone and everything else.

Are you a cat or a dog?

Bitches could mate with dog-type men that need a controlling trainer, someone willing to teach them how to be humane and will feed and groom them. If your man tends to be hungry and looks at you like a roast chicken then this may be the one for you. Many women are into this and many men find it sexy. I don’t but that’s because I’m a cat. Still, I don’t judge the bitches! I remember as a young girl realizing I wasn’t willing to function in this role with men. It’s a funny memory and really speaks to my inner nature. I’m finally honoring it without judging myself.

There is Much Wiggle Room

I’m not sure about the rest of the details but they depend on your couple dynamic. Are you polyamorous lovers or monogamous? Cheating on your monogamous girlfriend who is mad at you and has put you out of the house and into the dog house is not a license to be polyamorous by the way. You need to discuss the issue and either move forward or break up. My Twin Flame tried to pull this one. He was treating me like a possible option without telling me a woman with her toothbrush lives with him! I think deep down he’s a cat but he’s acting like a dog at the moment so no doubt he needs a bitch trainer. That’s fine with me. I’m not doing it. He is extremely intelligent, creative, and independent but I think he judges himself for it because most of the men in his culture are not cats. He very much seeks to fit in socially. He does tend to have himself in a provincial, cultural box that makes me want to scream. There is something else holding him up emotionally. I know what it is but I digress. Time will tell.

Men, be careful approaching women you don’t know. Are they cat-like or dog-like? Don’t make assumptions! The same goes for women. You need to know who you’re dealing with and the rest is negotiable.