Re-Program; “I Forgive You”


 

Grudge

“You need to forgive your parents no matter what or you won’t be free. You’ll become enmeshed and then will think about them and talk about them too much to the point of not living within your own body and soul. It could even turn to blame which is handing them power over your life.”-Lisa T.

The word forgive is two words; for and give. So, you give before you’re asked when you forgive. The people who give before they’re asked are in loving relationships. Some religions teach that the Universe gives to us before we even have to ask because of Love. I’m not suggesting we will be or should always be in loving relationships but we could try and tip the scales in their favor.

In terms of intuition, we’re focused on the heart as an organ. We’ve all had a broken heart and it literally is a closing of the heart chakra which affects the heart as an organ. When the heart closes the mind starts to go out of commission and we have all kinds of mental illness manifesting.

The deepest heart scars are memories of child abuse toward us by our parents before we even knew what anything was. This can come in many forms but they are deep wounds given to us by people we relied on for everything. Child abuse is most definitely part of the human condition and human history. It’s nothing unusual at all even though some people would like to portray a romantic fantasy about it not existing. Incest is very common as well, more than we know I’m afraid. It is still taboo and not talked about widely yet.

Given all of that as adults, the first people we need to forgive are our earthly parents who always made mistakes like all of us do. But maybe they were outright bad people! That doesn’t mean you have to be as their child. Learning how to forgive is part of that. If the task of forgiveness hasn’t been achieved, there is not much chance at all for successful bonding with new people as an adult.

Wounded adults who have not forgiven use all kinds of excuses for avoiding intimacy. A common one is they make sure they have more power in a relationship than the other person. If you warn them ahead of time and make sure you’re so powerful emotionally that you hurt the opposite gender first that’s one of their tricks. Another trick is faking appeal to another person’s desire for you and pretending you desire them just to get superficial sex out of them the way you want it…at a distance. Then tell them they’re so hot that you hope they’ll never let the ship sail, then reject them first, sail the ship yourself, and see if they’ll go away or hope they’ll go away. These are games of a weak, wounded person. And they never tell the truth.

 

Not only that, they do not care about what you want or need and make it obvious by playing games. But they will keep telling you what a great person you are appealing to your ego until they want to teach you a lesson and stomp on you. It’s best to extricate yourself before then which means they don’t have you by the ego. All of this is a waste of time and they can’t really draw you in if you are grounded in your center. Simply cut them off and figure out how they got your attention so it doesn’t happen again. The usual lure is lust, at least it is for me. Just keep track of not so much what they say but what they do.

All I know is it’s a turn-off and I’m staying away. These are very manipulative people that had to learn to manipulate adults to survive and to get their way as children. They need a lot of therapy and they have not forgiven their faulty parents! This is what a lack of forgiveness does to the mind. So their cleverness is fully engaged in survival, profit, cynical, and not the least bit interested in reciprocity or love with the opposite sex. It could even turn to narcissism and likely does.

You might want to do some self-inventory and make sure your motivation for work and action in life is detached. Otherwise, you need to do some more forgiveness. Review those types of Platonic Love I posted about and decide that you’re not going to participate with others who are not loving. It may mean celibacy and not as much of a social life but it’s worth it for your health of body and mind.

 

Heartset; The Heart is the Foundation for the Mind


Auroral Moon Flower

A worthy motivation comes from your heart. If you don’t feel you need a reason or you don’t have a reason or haven’t thought deeply enough about your reason for doing something, you’re going to hurt people and yourself. If you know you hurt people and still go forward because you refuse to face your rage, you’re creating karma for yourself. That’s called leading people astray while you’re hurting yourself.

You can tell by a person’s private relationships or even if they have them whether they are heart set. You can tell by whether they follow through on what they say they’ll do whether they are heart set and telling the truth. You can tell by whether they make a commitment to something they say they want. If they don’t follow through, they’re lying and don’t know how they feel. You can tell by if they “say” they care but their behavior is uncaring and scattered. All of this is dysfunction, so very viral and so very human. If someone doesn’t want to meet you in person and only uses social media, none of the communication is real. It’s not grounded in reality which is the body, and relationship. What I’m saying is taboo because it comes from the female. Women understand relating, bonding, the body, and friendship. Men don’t.

This is key given all the talk about Mindset and motivation. If you say you have a strong mind but then say that you hurt people or have a track record of hurting people, you’re in denial. That’s not that big of a deal. Most of humanity is in denial about the emotional trauma that’s been done to them and thus they have a closed heart. Most of those people don’t try to lead others though. But if you claim to be teaching people, you need to do something about your denial.

You can’t escape to your mind and think you’re in control. Where is that rage and refusal to think about motivation coming from? How about a heart attack? Do you really need that to wake up? What about cut-offs? Do you pretend you care about someone and then kick them to the curb like yesterday’s garbage? That’s a closed heart. That’s caused by a lack of forgiveness and trauma that you have not faced. It also translates into an attachment disorder because your parents were evil in your youth and are responsible for your scarred subconscious. I get that and it’s the human condition. I went through it too and blew it out of the water. You are still response-able to be good in your adult behavior and choices even though they weren’t.

Energy workers know that you’ve internalized the energy of your abuser, unconsciously, likely a fucked-up parent who doesn’t deserve the time of day or rent in your head and heart. Reiki will help balance that. The only way to get rid of them is to forgive them and sit very strongly in your own soul space. Do you understand how to really forgive? It has nothing to do with them getting off the karmic hook they got themselves on. The Universe will see to it that they get justice. It’s not your job. You get yourself off the karmic hook by forgiving them and sending them to the back of your mind where they need to sit down and be quiet. Your life and conscious mind belong to you, not them.

How? I realized my parents were human beings, very weak, not very smart and hated themselves. They had some good traits but not as many as I do. Our children do exceed us on the evolutionary scale and they’re supposed to! Then I turned around and made choices that made me the opposite and better, I got competitive and very rarely thought about them or saw them until I knew I was stronger. They weren’t going to win and it’s the duty of our children to think like that. Weak, hateful, abusive, scapegoating adults should not win, especially over children. It really is the mistake of smarter, stronger people who don’t kick ass that allows this world to get away with utter bullshit. We like to blame the weak for the trouble in the world but the truth is, those who love themselves, have the guts to speak up and lead and aren’t looking for approval have a duty to do so. Who else is going to really get change going? We have to have FULL integrity though and not make victim excuses! It seems to me that every human, given the opportunity, will offload their BS and attempt to victimize someone else. That creates karma. Don’t do it, no matter what’s been done to you.

I take all kinds of crap for being a woman with an IQ of 140, an Aries, competitive, a leader, and speak up when I feel like it. I only have a few friends and men are afraid of me and call me names even after they find me cute and soft, which I am.  I’m a good listener until you start sizing me up and getting it wrong. I will cut off your speaking. I’m also a courageous warrior which I can’t help. It’s totally who I am.

The cute thing wanes quickly. I really don’t care. Only one man has ever loved me; Michael, and he died three years ago suddenly, so, death is a reality and men tend to drop over, women. Women need to have their own security in place. That’s earth.

I’m not in denial that it is taboo and not popular for super intuitive, intelligent women to say the heart leads the mind but it’s the truth. That’s also saying, women are the leaders on the planet, not men. Everyone knows that you can’t think straight or make good decisions unless you know how you feel from within yourself. Women know that. You have to understand your own emotions or your mind will not function, guys. It’s not good for your health no matter how ripped you are.

 

Essay; Possession in a Relationship is a Double Standard


art beach beautiful clouds

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This issue has always befuddled me as I observe myself and others bonding with a partner for as long as I can remember. It’s the double standard regarding monogamy for women and men. No one is telling the truth.

Men portray a desire for novelty, a polyamorous lifestyle but they are the most territorial and jealous when they find a woman they really want to latch on to or as they call it, “fall in love”. They will marry and swear monogamy but they don’t usually mean it. Any woman with a brain in her head knows that. They may mean to try which is admirable but they aren’t wired for it. So, the possession thing works really well for them to attempt to control it. If they can possess and dominate their wives, that’s a turn on and maybe he won’t have to stray. He’s got what he needs at home. She’s his love slave or so he thinks. She lets him think that.

Women portray a desire for bonding, family, reproduction, monogamy, and love and they are much more territorial about their children, making sure they have a father than they are the man himself. I’m not sure guys know that, but it’s the mother love dominating the situation. He has a role to play in her home and it’s for her children. Men have a use and it’s to give us babies and be a present father. That’s not always the best thing for a man as a soul and I’ll be the first to say it! Men need love too but those babies usually win. Being possessed does not work so well for women nor do women really want the extra work of possessing a man. She possesses her children and now women are possessing themselves.

Now as I look at this, it seems like men are the ones not receiving the love they need. I used to think it was women. Actually, it’s both women and men because of reproduction. The children are getting all the love and there’s nothing left for the partners. This is a near-universal issue and after the children are grown, most parents divorce. Some even divorce while the children are young and that is not ideal at all.

So what is the motivation for possession post-reproduction in middle age? If either person has had a line of failed marriages or partners, maybe they need to prove something to themselves; that they can love and remain bonded to a partner. It’s sort of a rite of passage for all souls I think. Love and affinity is a universal desire whether it’s with a soulmate, a friend, or twin flames. I hope we all find it.

 

Heartset; There’s No One Left. I’m Alone.


It has finally happened after twenty years. I live alone in my house, no men, no noise, no demands for food or rides, this or that, “Mom can you help me!” “C’ mon, let’s go to the store”.

My son’s dad died two years ago…the last time I saw him was Christmas Day. Five days later, he was gone. I barely eeked out a smile as I said goodbye. He had been pretty emotionally abusive to me, frustrated his whole life, not knowing he was high-functioning autistic savant until three months beforehand. My efforts at solace could not change his brain, but he was a music legend on the pile of my torn apart heart. In addition, my son did not see his father respect me; the fruits of patriarchy.

Three months later my fiance died. I had fifteen minutes notice. We loved each other and did everything for each other. It was not to be. He had not taken care of his body and it caught up with him.

Now four days ago, my nineteen-year-old son went out the door with his backpack and no notice to start his hero’s adventure quest which is his birthright. Good for him but he could have warned me! It reminded me of the sudden death of my fiance.

On his way out, of course, he was mad at me and said I was so selfish. I suppose because I take care of myself and being a female, that is unacceptable and taboo. I wonder if he thought of the effect of his words on me, skipping them like stones across the water? Doubtful at his age.

But the men walk out quickly and don’t return I’ve learned, to the other side of this world…or town. It doesn’t matter. They’re not with me.

It is so peaceful in this house without a raucous male. Part of me has waited twenty years to take my body back from my partners and my son, and before that, a line of men, but not a long line.

Now I get an adventure quest; a fresh start, the second half of my life, a thriving business, a home, free to do whatever I want and a body with no risk of pregnancy. I haven’t given it all away.

It’s like this secret I have as a fifty-four-year-old who no one would suspect and assumes in our youth-worshipping culture, female-sacrificing altars around every corner, that I’m all washed up. “Hasn’t that woman been laid flat yet? Well, why not?” (My mother keeps literally asking that as though she’s waiting for me to fall) “She’s Selfish!” they cry. With a capital “S” not a small “s”. There is the low self and the Higher Self.

Truth is, I am my own best friend and for the first time in my life, I’m taking care of my body for me and no one else. More and more women are doing it. I’m not alone. We still have work to do and adventure quests to commence. Ridiculous isn’t it.

I feign an attitude and a bird ready to flip until my dying day…because I said so.

 

Prose; Gray Day


gray day.jpg

The sky is much grayer lack of light and still prayer.

Tree bark darker wet mud dragged upstairs.

No grayer will be in that Michigan sky, mournful woes sad goodbyes.

Sad goodbyes to the bright sun that shocks eyes in May,

It appears a huge orb high in the sky.

We say “What’s that big orange disc by day?”

Who hides behind clouds that we hate.

Oh please dear sun, we beg for your warmth,

We can’t take one more grate of this fate.

My son says, “I don’t know what is better, gray sky or the snow?”,

His smug face looks at me with a smirk.

He’s eighteen and he’s jibbing his mother so low

But he’s serious, he prefers this to hurt,

The hurt of the sun burning down on his face shining wonderful light in his eyes

He was born in a snowbank at the end of this month

Eighteen short years as I rank.

I’ll forgive him this time as there won’t be much more

Of his smart-alec ways to imbibe

He’s going away, out my front door

And that’s when my heart may just die.

Jan. 30, 2017

 

 

Prose; My Only Child Turns Eighteen Today


He went from twenty inches long to 70 inches long.  Something or someone pulled him into this big, strapping, broad-shouldered, sweet, brilliant man.

Well, legally he’s a man, but now he needs to launch out into this crazy mess of humans bumping around, unaware of how their thoughts and feelings create their life.  He is a calm, kind soul so he won’t be skinning anyone alive, but he does tend to be honest in a very charitable manner so most people won’t get off scot-free from his observations.

ALEX

The day of your birth, a crisp, cold, crystal day

In my memory, eighteen years ago holds sway

Who do I value most of all?

It’s you my son so big and tall

May your life have adventures that take your breath

May you jump in feet first, unafraid of death

I know that’s odd for a mother to say

But my son has seen death like it’s yesterday

His father is gone, a year ago now

He loved our son dearly at his final bow

I’ve held the ship level as best I can

Mostly alone with some helping hand

The men do die, often you know

The woman on her own in the ice and snow

Remember that sometimes people need help

A hand or two is all when they yelp

Just as we have done in these last two years

Keep your friends close as you move through the tears

But there’s fun to be had, plenty of that

As you move around life from the last place you sat

Run the race strong, keep your head up son

And be a good friend ’til your Earth life is done.