I took an Excedrin for the morning’s headache, got back in bed and did some Wim Hof Migraine Breathing. Three cheers for our pal, Mr. Hof!!! The pain vanished, and the caffeine took me back to the words of my dear mother, God rest her soul. “We live in a sex cult.” Yeah, right out […]The sex sense – an alien perspective on love and reductionism
“Some people need to take their own advice instead of endlessly propelling it at others. “The truth” is only “their truth” which is just their opinion. There are facts of science and nature but when it comes to people, it’s all relative and a matter of opinion.”
-Me, Lisa K. Townsend
The veneer on a piece of furniture can appear in many ways. It can be layers of paint, different color of stain, all of it possibly peeling. There can even be gashes and dent to the wood underneath.
The wood underneath is the truth and it’s rarely seen. It’s the heart of the matter and how the piece of furniture looked at its founding; it’s construction done by the carpenter’s hand. I love watching it progress, drinking in the smell of the wood.
When I look at any piece of furniture that has been stained or painted, I always wonder what the grain of the wood looks like underneath and what type of wood it is. Then I wonder who built it, the year it was built and for whom.
All of our social media; Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, on and on, show only the veneer of humans. We are all projecting a public image that we want others to think is true. It’s the image that we are comfortable having others see. It is the truth regarding how we express ourselves verbally but it’s partial because we’re not in the room physically present with each other. It serves to protect our deepest emotions and events of our lives from being too visible, too vulnerable as our bodies are visible. Maybe we are aligning with a group that “fixes” all that was wrong with our mother or father instead of aligning with our true selves in group settings.
I actually accept that about others. The reason being…underneath we are all innocent children that have had to learn to cope in certain family dynamics and fundamental societal expectations where most of the time, no one asked us what we wanted or how we felt. They just told us what we should do to fit in and be liked. Knowing and obeying those parameters helped us survive and maybe kept us alive. So we view that compromise as fundamentally good. But it’s not. It is surviving, not thriving. That’s how the veneer starts. Most of the veneer comes from religion, state schools, and our family.
It’s something to keep in mind when you communicate on social media. There is no way you’re getting an authentic picture of a person on any of those sites. We all cling to religions, political parties and value systems that we feel emotionally comfortable with culturally. That doesn’t mean that a person who is opposite of you doesn’t have a good heart or a stable mind. It’s amazing how convinced we can be of how right we are when we surround ourselves with people who agree with us.
It’s not about a group as right or wrong. It’s about caring to know who people really are underneath, listening, and being authentic ourselves. We’re called to love-not to judge…anyone…ever…for any reason.
Are we really only relevant to the extent that other human beings find us relevant? Isn’t that why people have dogs and cats? You’re always relevant to your pet if only because they need you to feed them. If you need to be needed, you need to feel relevant. I guess I need to express myself more than be considered relevant.
Or maybe we do literally need to be perceived as relevant in order to make money. That’s really what underlies our actions. We just need money. We have to have money to survive. Many people know how to fake care about others for accolades, fame, sales, and money. Their ego just needs attention. Mine don’t mostly because I find it boring and tedious.
The issue here is there are many superb people doing fabulous work that are irrelevant to the masses because the masses don’t see or appreciate fabulous work. That is the case for many brilliant artists and it remains that way until they die. I’m not doing fabulous work at the moment so that’s not the case for me. If I was doing fabulous work I wouldn’t look for the masses to appreciate it though.
What about relevant to yourself? We’re always more relevant to ourselves than we are to others because they don’t live in our bodies or with us. That’s kind of the crux of it. That is the case for me. I wish I could be paid to be improving my body which is what I’m pre-occupied with. Instead, I live in a system that wants me to pay it to be sick. If I take care of myself and don’t need their pills, surgery, or visits, I’m irrelevant. So they work very hard to convince me and everyone else that there is something wrong with us and we need them. That’s just vacant and evil.
This was a very weird day. My intuition was in high gear and I just rolled with it as usual. Yes, I do want to eventually be relevant because human empowerment to live in balance not overtop of all life is a good thing. That’s what I care about. I find that relevant.
More information is hitting me today via my intuition about certain men I know and their behavior. I’ve been trying to figure out how men’s minds work for years now and never gave it much thought when I was younger and had no brothers so now I’m playing catch up. I know you’re more simple than us and I don’t need the lecture that I’m over-thinking.
There are two local men I know (in my town) that I’m sure are in love with me to whom I have zero interest or attraction. I know that sounds harsh, but I’m pretty sure guys are the same way. Some women get your motor running, other’s don’t, even if you “try” to give them a chance. These two men are like a dog with a bone simply based on the fact that several years ago I was nice or warm to both of them. (Please refer to my blog post “Warmth from a woman doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you.”). Also, the attraction over social media or the phone is absolutely bizarre to me. You can’t know any truth that way. Again, it’s just for male fantasy gratification and does nothing for the woman. But that doesn’t matter, does it? Just know that if you don’t actually meet a woman, she will drop you like a hot potato fairly quickly.
So, as I was eating my salad and soda crackers just now it hit me. Men’s minds are based on the fantasy of a woman he’s met or has talked to, not fact. Men’s minds form emotional, sexual fantasies based on projection and his own weaving of fantasy that he wants to believe. He also will project his own image via social media and when you meet him, he won’t necessarily look that way. That’s happened to me too. It’s not that we’re biased about the way you look, it’s that you lied and misled us. That’s going to get you in a heap of trouble guys.
I and every woman I know, are very rational about relationships and men. We look for certain hygiene, clothing, behavior, and financial facts, communication that absolutely tell us whether to let our motor run for you or not. We can control all of that. Yes, we do control all of that, like we’re shopping. I’m not saying that smell, pheromones, looks and such aren’t involved because they are at a very primal level. So yes, women say, “God he has a perfect booty.” and get all lusty, or “He’s super sweet and smart” but not the way men do. Every woman is different but it is never based on GQ crap…ever. However, if his tone of voice with us or the way he acts is vile, that fine booty counts for nothing, nada, zip, zero. We fall in love with the person and the potential for bonding, not your body. That’s how our brains work.
Why is that? Because our arousal is based on your vibe, whether you know us or not, whether you want to know us or not, our feelings, our relationship. You’re falling asleep already reading this and because of that, more women are going to be celibate. We can do that too.
Do you know how easy this face is to fake for women? More women have just given in to a man’s lust who cannot stop staring at and fantasizing about our breasts or pussy and cannot focus or hold a conversation. We’re like, “For god’s sake, listen to me.” No, you can’t listen to us if you’re staring at our lips or crotch and we know it. and motivation, Millions of women make quite a bit of money taking advantage of men’s lack of sophistication when it comes to human relationship mostly through prostitution. You’ve set yourselves up! Improve your intelligence and this won’t happen.
So, you guys are completely irrational about any prospects of truly arousing us or knowing us or bonding because relationships aren’t even on your radar. Or to be fair, maybe you don’t “have” the radar. I am trying to be fair. I don’t think relationship and understanding female behavior is in your wiring and I’m done being mad about it. It’s simple. We need love, affection, and kindness in addition to sex.
This is tragic for women who then fake orgasm or does whatever we have to do for ourselves to enjoy our bodies because our culture has men completely brainwashed to believe that your penis is everything and all we need. That is SO wrong it isn’t even funny. I’ve been with men of all different “sizes”, body size and all the other pieces and it has not mattered one iota whether I was turned on or not. There are specific things that do matter but that’s for another blog. Every woman is different! And what is worse is there are millions of women out there who have given up and just let the man’s fantasies and his penis focus control her love life believing that you will NEVER be astute enough to get our sexuality and how we love.
I have not given up hope yet, but applying some rational fact and getting a handle on those sexual fantasy feelings will be a big step forward.
I welcome any questions. If you think I’m off on something, feel free to call me out but do so in a civil manner, please. I don’t have all the answers and I know I’m not always right.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
This issue has always befuddled me as I observe myself and others bonding with a partner for as long as I can remember. It’s the double standard regarding monogamy for women and men. No one is telling the truth.
Men portray a desire for novelty, a polyamorous lifestyle but they are the most territorial and jealous when they find a woman they really want to latch on to or as they call it, “fall in love”. They will marry and swear monogamy but they don’t usually mean it. Any woman with a brain in her head knows that. They may mean to try which is admirable but they aren’t wired for it. So, the possession thing works really well for them to attempt to control it. If they can possess and dominate their wives, that’s a turn on and maybe he won’t have to stray. He’s got what he needs at home. She’s his love slave or so he thinks. She lets him think that.
Women portray a desire for bonding, family, reproduction, monogamy, and love and they are much more territorial about their children, making sure they have a father than they are the man himself. I’m not sure guys know that, but it’s the mother love dominating the situation. He has a role to play in her home and it’s for her children. Men have a use and it’s to give us babies and be a present father. That’s not always the best thing for a man as a soul and I’ll be the first to say it! Men need love too but those babies usually win. Being possessed does not work so well for women nor do women really want the extra work of possessing a man. She possesses her children and now women are possessing themselves.
Now as I look at this, it seems like men are the ones not receiving the love they need. I used to think it was women. Actually, it’s both women and men because of reproduction. The children are getting all the love and there’s nothing left for the partners. This is a near-universal issue and after the children are grown, most parents divorce. Some even divorce while the children are young and that is not ideal at all.
So what is the motivation for possession post-reproduction in middle age? If either person has had a line of failed marriages or partners, maybe they need to prove something to themselves; that they can love and remain bonded to a partner. It’s sort of a rite of passage for all souls I think. Love and affinity is a universal desire whether it’s with a soulmate, a friend, or twin flames. I hope we all find it.
The male animal has been domesticated and it’s not all pretty. I think of that right-wing show I can’t stand, “Last Man Standing” with Tim Allen as the star. I am at a unique vantage point right now on this issue as a single, 56-year-old, financially independent woman.
The societal Disney pictures are that I’m supposed to have kids in college or graduated and grandchildren on the way in a loveless and sexless marriage going to church every Sunday in order to be respected and to be “an honest woman”. That is not the case here and I’m happy about it. I live my life in truth and do whatever I want.
The societal Disney picture proscribed onto a 56-year-old man is pretty much the same but it’s far more likely that he is lonely from what the stats report. I’m never lonely. Women find real love through our children and grandchildren. I hear there is nothing better. Our mates have never been a terribly adequate source of love, let’s face it. Over time, we get tired of each other’s issues and the stats bear me out. I do believe love is possible though in middle age.
Women happily and independently move on and grow, usually living alone. The men are still dependent, stuck in this situation with nothing, having evolved with a brain that seeks more than one mate for reproduction. They are on the prowl again. There is an option for men; polyamory. This is a good article on it and explains reasons and motivations that have been studied. However, I’m conjecturing it’s for younger men.
I suppose some women like polyamory but I don’t think it comes naturally to us. Personally, if I can’t find the right partner that suits me emotionally and spiritually I remain celibate but I don’t think most women do. I’ve done that for years at a time but never more than two. That sits very comfortably with me because I love deeply and never deny my feelings to suit men that are detached emotionally from sex. So really, polyamory and celibacy are related in that, if you can’t find the right partner you do what you have to do; whatever you need. But we have to admit that love is a magnet for men and for women. When someone finally loves and understands you, you’ll go to the end of the world to be with them.
If women have emotional issues, we know how to deal with them, grow, and decide what we want; a new mate or remain single. Then we do whatever we want. If you take care of yourself, there are a million men who will chase you. You just have to pick one. But for friends or family who choose polyamory, this is a good article on the possible motivations so you can understand it better rather than judge it.
This particular quote really rang true to me.
“Polyamory can effectively skirt the need to face an addiction and the painful feelings it covers. However, polyamory can also be utilized as a healthy means of coping with psychological difficulties, pre-existing trauma, differences in sexual desire, and the garden variety erotic boredom so common in long-term monogamous marriages.”
I see so many clients with painful feelings that have not come to the surface and then it resides in their bodies. That directly affects their ability to bond and love a mate and have great sex. This is just one of the reasons for polyamory. And of course, the basis of that is the parents and time in utero, and the early childhood that formed the subconscious mind; especially the mother. I have compassion for men that were born to very wounded, unstable mothers. They don’t have much feminine principle strength within them to pull from. Girls of wounded mothers do; themselves. It’s a blessing to be born female, no matter what the Chinese think. The inner mother is our greatest guide and support on this planet.
For men, I can only hope that they find a female friend that loves and nurtures them just as they are so they can learn to love their body, take care of themselves and be empowered men. Women have no excuse. We are the strong ones on the planet hands down. It is our responsibility to lead, take care of ourselves and to teach healing by being a good example.
I had a very good brownie yesterday with the right level of height so that I was able to observe my trip pretty well. This was purely experimental as I am the kind of person that fully enjoys the sobriety of my conscious mind to do my work because I’m intelligent. There is no substitute for the satisfaction of figuring something out or learning a new skill, for me. It’s a big self-esteem boost.
If I were trying to escape my body or my life, weed would plummet my self-esteem. That was my first observation. The second was that I had a bit of paralysis. Not literally. I could move but my etheric body wanted to leave my physical body which pulls the qi that allows you to move, right up and out. I do that plenty when I sleep at night, I don’t want to feel that way during the day when I have work to do.
If you DO want to feel that way during the day you need therapy; bodywork, reiki, talk therapy; not medical marijuana. You’re in denial about your true feelings if you want to feel like that a lot. That will kill you because THE BACKED UP EMOTIONS go into your cells. Pot can’t kill you, no, but constant denial of your feelings and an unbalanced life will. It also throws off your appetite and sleep.
I commanded my etheric body to stay one with my physical and it obeyed. Because I did, I was able to observe and remember my trip. It was like being in an airport; public and stupid, full of non-focused, chaotic energy that I feel is the bane of this planet. But what happened is that because I wasn’t interested in traveling in the public ethers, I went deeper into my physical cells. I love my body, as my readers know, so I tuned into that.
Markedly, I had no pain. My muscles usually ache because I walk and work out daily. That was marvelous. And today I’m in less pain as an after effect so it is very anti-inflammatory. My cells got excited the more relaxed I was. I heard and saw my spirit guides laughing at my internal awareness so that was fun. It erased all of my physical tension. That is possible with yoga and breathe work though too.
Well, I was out of it for a full four hours and the last hour just loopy. That’s four hours of my life I won’t get back. I was grateful for the body awareness but I can do that on my own. I was just neglecting to do it because my brain has been busy learning computer programming. Also, no one should drive while using! It’s no different than alcohol.
The last thing I have to say is there was nothing spiritual at all about a pot-induced trip. It’s just a drug affecting the brain. I am a spiritual person and have had many spiritual experiences. It’s altogether different because you’re conscious and use your free will. The spirit world is real if you open your heart.
I make my bed as though someone other than me might want to lay on it to relax…
Fans, fanatics, stalkers, jealous husbands, jealous siblings, errant preachers, starry-eyed parents, and students all seeking some higher bedding more like a cloud…nothing low to ground where I am.
“THIS is who you are”. “THIS is who you are”…”This is who you are” rings the cacophony.
I am not going to spend my last breath, defying all of you because you are surface dwellers; American Idol, Desperate Housewives watchers. Fantasy. I hate TV.
I’m glad my son can cry and be tired. It means he’s human. That’s all there is.
I’m glad I can kick my ex out of the house for insulting my talent. It means I’m human.
All I have is myself and time…
Let me divorce all that is not calm and in balance.
Ring out the true madness that jumps up…to lightness.
Jumps up…to levity
Jumps up…to where gravity is turned upside down.
My feet are my head. Who cares? Must we always walk?
I want to live in a dimension where upon meeting someone I like, I kiss them with ridiculous abandon.
I’ve always been fascinated by the inner male inside the female (animus) and the inner female inside the male (anima). The terms were coined by the psychologist C.G. Jung. It seems to me that humans intuitively know we each have those energies as part of our identity to some degree without over-analyzing it. Women and men are both female and male! It’s one of the reasons that the homosexual lifestyle really doesn’t bother most Americans. A Pew Research poll taken in 2017 showed that 62% of Americans support same-sex marriage. We all know that we’re learning about our bodies and our feelings whether we’re attracted to female or male at one time or another. It’s no big deal as long as you’re honest with yourself in the midst of it and are careful of children’s attachment to parents.
I’m a trained actor with a degree in it, so I know how to have almost instant access to a wide range of emotions, and tears are super easy for me. I spent two years learning how to do that. But I much prefer laughter and happiness as part of my natural personality. Yet when I cry, it feels like a cry for the animus, the male in me that stomps all over my receptive female. My receptive female, all receptive females are beautiful. She is the bearer and producer of life after all. But is she loved and cared for safely the way she should be? Or must she always stroke the male ego to be loved, even if his behavior doesn’t call for it? If love from her partner is conditional based on size and behavior, he cannot say he loves her. All humans go through hard patches where our self-esteem is bottomed out. If someone really loves you, and has seen and knows that you have it in you to eventually come out of it, they’ll stay by your side, not bolt.
My experience and intuition tell me that it’s not terribly safe to be an open, loving, female in our society. Most women I know have developed serious defenses now and will even aggressively act out because there is no real equity and heaping amounts of bias based on gender! It’s very similar to unarmed black men being gunned down by police. It’s appalling and tragic!! Women are at about the same level as black men in our society and I’m guessing the stats regarding violence toward women would show this to be true.
Over fifty-four years I’ve maximized my intellect with education, developed firm boundaries in the public workplace (which doesn’t seem to make any difference), insisted on being treated with respect (sometimes it works), focused on my behavior more than my looks (rarely works), and become very focused and skilled in my work. Guys don’t like it. Once I hit my thirties, I learned how to be assertive and opinionated as well. The other thing that goes on is that as a pretty white woman, I feel no obligation to maximize my looks to feed patriarchal bullshit and make myself superficial to manipulate the system. I feel more powerful sitting in my authenticity. Women that aren’t as pretty compete with me or make sure I keep a distance from the man they’re pursuing (so weird) when I’m not even looking at him. He’s usually flirting with me! We are so programmed to believe that survival on this planet depends on finding “our level” as prescribed by the institutions and the media that we don’t even know we’re doing it!
It’s not working. I’m still seen as a girl and treated like a girl. No matter how “male” a woman learns to act in public or how many letters she has behind her name with a high I.Q., she’s still paid less than a man and treated like her first order of business is to give her body to a man or his system for his consumption. I would never get a sex change operation just so I’d have more money for security but it seems like that extreme could be called for. It’s not unlike MJ bleaching his skin to appear more white. That’s how bad our society is for anyone who is not a white male.
Thank goodness I really love my work and do it very well because of all of my dedication and accomplishment. I work with the Universe who always has my back on this rough planet. If it weren’t for my intuition and rational mind guiding me, I’d probably be dead. I very much want to be alive so it’s a good thing.