Re-Program; The Ten Dogmas of Materialism


 

The Science Delusion Cover

The 10 Assumptions of Materialism

  1. Nature is mechanical. All of life is a machine and we are mechanical (Artificial Intelligence is trying to make the machine transcendent).
  2. Matter is unconscious.
  3. The laws of nature are fixed.
  4. The total amount of energy and matter is always the same.
  5. Nature is purposeless.
  6. Biological inheritance is material. Reality is material.
  7. Memories are stored as material traces inside your brain.
  8. The Mind is inside the head. It’s the same as your brain.
  9. Psychic phenomena are illusory. Telepathy is impossible.
  10. Mechanistic medicine is the only kind of medicine that works.

Of course, these are all wrong and not just a little wrong, completely wrong. This entire book is a well-thought-out disputation and refutation of these ten dogmas. My own life and career refute them empirically as well. Rupert Sheldrake is a heavyweight Ph.D. scientist and was banned from TED talks because he’s right and it upsets the entire apple cart. He is a scientist and supports the advancement of real science. Not only that but anyone who cares about the survival of sentient life on earth right now better speak up forcefully or we’re toast. He rocks out big time and I am in his court having experienced the movement of QI in patient’s bodies for 20 years.

I’m so sorry QI cannot be measured yet for people who are scared of actually feeling Life Force IN THE BODY but it’s real. The Chinese have understood and worked with QI for 10,000 years. It is the foundation of Chinese Medicine which I also endorse and use to the extent that I’m trained in it. QI is not unlike sunlight or a cell phone tower signal but it’s much more advanced and complex than that. It’s the seat of our consciousness.

In the last part of the book he says,

“The materialist agenda was once liberating but is now depressing. Those who believe in it are alienated from their own experience; they are cut off from all spiritual traditions, and they are prone to suffer from a sense of disconnection and isolation. Meanwhile, the power unleashed by scientific knowledge is causing the mass extinction of other species and endangering our own. The realization that the sciences do not know the fundamental answers leads to humility rather than arrogance, and openness rather than dogmatism. Much remains to be discovered and rediscovered, including wisdom.”

I highly recommend this book.

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I’m Turning My Six Years of Posts Into Books


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Heads up to my followers. I’ve added a new tab on the far right to my Homepage;

Purchase Lisa’s Books

I will be creating books titled;

  1. Everyday Intuition
  2. Heartset as the Foundation for Mindset
  3. Re-Program Your Subconscious Mind
  4. Everyday Spirituality
  5. Balanced, Honest Sexuality
  6. Another Book of Prose
  7. Body Truth

You will see my posts disappearing one by one and then the collection of posts plus practical help will be added to the tab on the right for purchase.

I will also add an erotic thriller that does a take on NATURE as erotic, not necessarily women and men f*ing, as though we don’t already know what that’s about. I’m seeing more of the porn-type writing and prose on here and…well… I think I have a different idea, of course. I am following those blogs though to see if they keep the writing quality up and not just their genitalia. We’ll see. I know people, including myself, like passionate emotions and sensuous words so I’m going to play with that! Stay tuned.

 

Essay; A Woman’s Ego


 

Woman on a mountain

I originally blogged this on August 26, 2013; 6 years ago.

The book I wrote, “Healer” has a section on gender.  Like most people, I believe that men and women have a tremendous amount in common biologically.  And I really do like most men.  However, socially, on Facebook, and in the town I live in, the more I talk, as a literate person, as an intelligent woman with self-esteem that isn’t a doormat, as a woman who is a small business owner, the more I get called names like “egotistical” and “pathetic”.

So I decided to think about the difference between a woman’s ego and a man’s ego. There are books and articles about a man’s ego all over the place. The “fragile male ego” is well known.  But the woman’s ego?  Imagine, the “fragile female ego” being bandied about.  It’s more like, “New discovery!  Women have an ego! Make a flag for them!”

The definition of the ego is a sense of “yourself” or “self-centered”. Everyone starts out at a young age with a natural inborn sense of who they are as a person unless your parents or religion beat it out of you. That’s possible and maybe prevalent, but not healthy at all. People do tend to feel more secure if they agree with one another.  It’s curious.

A woman…with a sense of “herself”, pride, dignity, accomplished….well, she doesn’t sound very sexy.  Or does she?  Why do I assume she has to sound sexy? If you described a man that way it’s sexy.

There’s our first red flag. Women are given the message early on that their attractiveness as a potential mate, for the purposes of reproduction, should define their sense of self-worth. Thus the obsession with superficial looks as opposed to a big brain, articulateness, education, in essence, the character Amy Farafowler on “Big Bang Theory” (who I love). It’s just starting to catch on. And we are ever so grateful to Dr. Barbie and Corporate Manager Barbie to serve as a role model for young girls.

Yes, women have an ego.  Yes, women have a sense of themselves as an individual. Our needs with regard to education, intelligence, level of respect and pay in the workplace, respect in the home, respect from our sons, access to team sports, et.al are EQUAL to men.

I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life writing and living an example of a woman with an ego who loves.  You can’t love from emptiness.  You can’t love if your body is falling apart because you’ve given your last ounce of life force to everyone else. Women can be an example of how to take care of ourselves first and then whoever else we prefer to care for.

 

Everyday Spirituality Vs. Materialism


Materialistic values demean intuition and praise rationality, are seen and enforced by the media, educational institutions (schools), churches, behaviorists, (psychology and psychiatry), modern M.D. and healthcare. Take your pills and make sure you have a bulletproof backpack are their mantras. “Be realistic! Make sense!” Whose sense? Add governments, banks, and similar ilk in there. As you can see, The irrational Matrix is far-reaching. This is all true insanity and it’s out of hand. They even set fire to the Amazon rain forest, I guess because they no longer believe humans need air to breathe nor want us to have it? There is something very creepy going on. I think materialism has brainwashed and frightened many people to the point that they’ll accept death in any way it’s handed to them from the elite. They feel powerless to focus their own minds on their vision. It’s cultish and dystopian but I see it happening.

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Materialism Creates Disunity

Materialism is considered reality, what’s real, and what we should all be following and obeying if we’re good citizens, neighbors, and sane people. Lying and faking, putting on a plastic face and a plastered smile, women dolled up ready for sex and men the takers is the poster with a shiny new car behind them. All of this is considered normal and good. If you deviate, or are different, have brown skin, use big words, love yourself or have faith, you’re not stable?

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Spirituality is about UNITY and PEACE between cultures. ONE human race.

Enter spirituality, exit religion. Church membership is declining and the Spiritual movement is on the rise. Holism is coming forward (my field), art and artists are starting to be acknowledged. The foundation of the Spiritual movement is ART and personal freedom of expression, interdependence and a unique individual perception that is a personal truth but not a societal dogma. To each his own; together. Many artists understand QI which unpins the Chinese civilization, 1.3 billion strong, the largest in the world. Their art from every level, as well as their medicine rivals the west.

The western religions were compliant and the right-hand helper of materialism as they are in a subconscious headlock as well. They are sexually deviant, addicted to all manner of substance, perverse, and love money and power under the guise of salvation and safety from hell damnation. This is the subconscious mind from their parents. The leaders of the churches are also down the rabbit hole. They need to hide too. Government and religion have long been bedfellows for more sex and money than is imaginable. They are an enslaved people looking to enslave others so the truth doesn’t come out.

Their mutual cooperation defines world history and the ascent of the mythological genetic line in the institution of the family, none of which is based on science at all. Genetic determinism is not scientifically valid; it’s dead according to the experts. Morphic resonance is a better theory as well as the imprint of the family on subconscious programming. It all comes from our environment and it shows up in cell biology! Quantum physics is shedding light on all of it.

At odds with religion back in the day was Science. Science calls on the higher, intellectual faculty of the conscious mind informed by free-will and choice. It reads, thinks, and is a critical thinker. One has to be calm to do that. That is at direct odds with the emotional indulgence and drama of a repressed childhood. Scientists have work to do. We are now getting closer to modern spirituality approaching modern science. The Earth is not flat, it’s round. We revolve around the sun, the sun doesn’t revolve around us; little facts like that that are still challenged by religionists today. Much blood has been spilled over scientific fact and by scientists themselves for daring to challenge church dogma that required a blood sacrifice.

It feels like getting uppity and empowered took us too long and while humanity was maturing, the elite was ripping off and ripping into the planet to end all of it for god knows what purpose. The climate has hit a tipping point while we wake up. Now what?

Spirituality is judged handily by unimaginative and indolent behaviorists who themselves are likely addicts but busy none the less with calling intuition, Reiki, ESP, and psychic mediums schizotypy. Kudos to the dude that came up with that word. I call them materialists who might feel very comfy in a church pew ruminating nostalgically over their time on a swingset. A step forward would be an art class, a jazz gig, hang-out with some cool cats and lose the stiff upper lip of intellectualizing love and creativity because you can’t or won’t take the leap and do it yourself. Those who won’t do it only analyze from the outside.

Materialism = subconscious programming from the family, 95% of personal action

Spirituality = conscious control programming (mindfulness and high intelligence) of the subconscious mind and minimizing the family to 40% of personal action, 60% to your own mind.

We seek a more creative, spiritual, peaceful world where everyone’s needs are met, including animals and plants, cultures are celebrated and acknowledged and it is understood that biologically, there is no such thing as race. We are ONE race; human, made of thousands of cultures and our entire lives and everything we do is founded in Love.

Re-Program; Your Theta Brain Waves Affect Your Subconscious Mind


In the Spirit-Mind-Body movement, many lightworkers have managed to functionally reduce the effect of their subconscious programming on their conscious mind. This is what my book “Healer” is about which you can order on this blog.

Normal adults minds are currently programmed 95% by their mother in utero and family after birth up to age 7. Lightworkers have become aware of their programmed issues and asserted their conscious mind in order to break habits that they don’t want, that are not of their choosing but were imprinted from the family. You can overstep your subconscious program and this is, in fact, the foundation of the Spiritual Movement.

In no way are we saying family is bad. Every family is different. We are saying that each person can and does have a choice over what they want their lives to be. It does not have to be dictated by the family or anyone else. This is still somewhat taboo and scary to many people but it’s beginning to dawn on everyone that individual freedom is real within a group that is interdependent, not co-dependent or addicted to a materialistic paradigm. Neither does ancestry dictate anything as genetic determinism is no longer scientifically valid. The truth is, we are all ONE human race. There are no races. There are just thousands of cultures on Earth all ONE race; the human race.

Mastering Your Brainwaves

Our brain pulses and vibrates like everything in this Universe. Brainwaves can be categorized according to their frequency. The brain pulse is measured like sound in cycles per second or Hertz. It is not about spending our entire life in an awakened mind pattern, but to attain mastery of our brainwaves. Mastery means, we want to be able to be in the state of consciousness (the brainwave pattern) of our choice at any given time and to achieve what we want to do with it. So flexibility and mastery are what we are looking for.

Delta | 0.5 – 4 cycles per second | .05 – 4 HZ-or D Waves


The lowest frequencies are delta. These are less than 4 Hz and occur in deep sleep and in some abnormal processes. It is the dominant rhythm in infants up to one year of age and it is present in stages 3 and 4 of sleep. It tends to be the highest in amplitude and the slowest waves. Delta is associated with deep sleep, this pattern is very slow. However, this brain wave pattern is important for the explorer of consciousness. If you work to merge with the mass consciousness of our planet you need to work in delta, the first step will be to learn to be conscious in your dreams. If you can do that, you can go further in the exploration. Astral projection or Out of Body experience occurs in Delta.  We increase Delta waves in order to decrease our awareness of the physical world. We also access information in our unconscious mind through Delta. Peak performers decrease Delta waves when high focus and peak performance are required. However, most individuals diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, naturally increase rather than decrease Delta activity when trying to focus.

Theta | 4-8 cycles per second | 4 – 8 HZ-or T Waves

Associated with creativity and Extra-sensory perception, the theta state is something to learn to go into at will. It is seen in connection with creativity, intuition, daydreaming, and fantasizing and is a repository for memories, emotions, sensation. Theta waves are strong during internal focus, meditation, prayer, and spiritual awareness.  There are countless ways to reach theta and is the state where your ESP can operate. If you do the proper work you can learn to enter theta at will and perform most of the psychic activities. It reflects the state between wakefulness and sleep and relates to the subconscious mind. It is viewed as abnormal in awake adults but perfectly normal in children up to 13 years old but that is societal bias. It is also normal during sleep and just upon waking. Theta is believed to reflect activity from the limbic system and hippocampus regions. Theta is observed in anxiety, behavioral activation, and behavioral inhibition. When the theta rhythm appears to function normally it mediates and/or promotes adaptive, complex behaviors such as learning and memory.

Alpha | 8-13 cycles per second | 8 – 13 HZ-or A Waves

The first pattern discovered in 1908 by an Austrian Psychiatrist named Hans Berger. Alpha pattern appears when in wakefulness where there is relaxed and effortless alertness. It is recommended to practice your creative visualization and auto-suggestion technique in alpha state. Good healthy alpha production promotes mental resourcefulness, aids in the ability to mentally coordinate, and enhance an overall sense of relaxation and fatigue. In this state, you can move quickly and efficiently to accomplish whatever task is at hand. When Alpha predominates most people feel at ease and calm. It is the major rhythm seen in most adults. The right brain initiates it.

Beta | 13- 33 cycles per second | 13 – 33 HZ –or B waves


Beta is associated with our waking activity. During a day we experience all the brainwave patterns with a predominance of Beta. It is generally regarded as a normal rhythm and is the dominant rhythm in those who are alert or anxious or who have their eyes open. It is the state that most of the brain is in when we have our eyes open and are listening and thinking during analytical problem solving, judgment, decision making, processing information about the world around us. The beta band has a relatively large range and has been divided into low, midrange and high. The left brain initiates it.

Gamma | over 33 cycles per second | 33 + HZ- or G Waves


This range is the most recently discovered and is the fastest frequency above 33Hz. While little is known in the mainstream about this state of mind, initial research shows Gamma waves are associated with bursts of insight and high-level information processing. When the brain needs to simultaneously process information from different areas, it is hypothesized that the gamma state consolidates the required areas for simultaneous processing. Note that there’s a LOT of disagreement over where Beta range ends & Gamma range begins. Gamma rhythms appear to be involved in higher mental activity, including perception and consciousness.

 The Regions of the brain that originates each wave;

Delta-The Thalumus or Cortex (the top middle of the brain)

Theta-The Hippocampal Region-(the middle-low part of the brain near the brain stem that C1 hooks into) This must be the subconscious mind.

Alpha-The Right Brain –right side of the head

Beta-The Left Brain-left side of the head

Gamma-these waves originate in the Thalamus (where Delta does) and are then observed to sweep from the frontal lobe throughout the entire brain bringing it into synchronization.  Tibetan Buddhist Monks have been observed to run Gamma waves-the fastest wave humans can produce, that we know of.

The neo-cortex and the lobes are the sites of the conscious brain.  It’s located at the top and sides of the brain. It’s been around for 300,000 years or 1/3 of our species existence. It controls voluntary thought awareness, self-control, and planning.

The subconscious mind is located in the limbic system and the brain stem. It’s the lower brain.  This is the old brain and the original human brain. It is responsible for the autonomic nervous system, control of internal organs, forges and manages all habits, insight and creativity, and emotions.  It’s much faster and efficient than the new brain and has multi-tasking abilities.

Some scientists believe the vagus nerve or spindle neurons that connect the prefrontal cortex to the insula may be the link to the new brain.  Everything initiated in the subconscious now goes into the conscious mind if we let it.

 

Everyday Spirituality; The Work of The Spiritual Warrior


It becomes the work of the spiritual warrior to love themselves and life so strong and so true that the b.s. around them doesn’t stick nor does it distract. You certainly cannot change the very negative person or family system; you can only stay in your own space. A healthy relationship really isn’t possible. Its foundation is self-loathing and then they treat others poorly, especially those close to them mostly because they think you have to tolerate it since it’s your role as a family member to be offloaded onto. That is not your role and no, you don’t have to do anything. There is grieving to go through then.

The spiritual warrior does not profess perfection or ego but works and works and applies themselves to their own body, to bring light and life through the flesh that is already IN the flesh. Physical alignment brings Spirit-Body-Mind alignment since they are one. That is the true work of the spiritual warrior. Maybe you know God is real and the others don’t believe it? God is not a religion; it’s the Universe, nature, and physics. That changes people’s minds and hearts as well.

Is the resentful person also jealous of your wounds, losses, being innocently sued, deaths, threats to life, and threats of harm with no backup? Are they jealous of your struggle and weakness? Are they also jealous of your pain? Why not? Is it too hard to acknowledge what the strong person has been through to BE strong? The resentful person is usually emotionally and spiritually lazy, selfish and whines a lot. There is no fixing that other than what they decide from within themselves.

Are you owed so much more than you received from your parents? Really? You have a  body, time and opportunity. What are you whining about? Everyone has a story and it’s usually pretty bad because this is earth. Let it go. You are a free adult now. Get busy! But don’t expect others to approve of you taking the high road, especially if you’re beautiful and you succeed. Based in ego, you’re making them look bad when you love yourself and others and they don’t, and when you have control of your property, possessions, and body as a woman and they don’t.

Most parents don’t super-duper love their children. It’s mostly a natural, organic love simply because the children come from them; as an extension of themselves. They use them for their own benefit first as a tax deduction then god knows for what other ego trips. They’ll put a good face on it though, especially if they have money and letters behind their name.

There aren’t enough gifts, fake compliments or money to make up for a family member who says they love you, then treat you like a dog slave saying you’re their servant, verbally harassing you because they’re jealous, lying about what you’ve done to them and threatening to make something up to sick the cops on you and defending the right of people who hate you, in the family, to attack you.

No amount of love, goodwill, and good works can fix people who hate themselves and others. This is what good people need to accept if they are to stop the co-dependency, walk away, and cut the spiritual cord forever.

Body Truth; Our Bodies are Pure Emotion


notmypeople

It’s safe to say it’s easy to lose respect for someone that doesn’t like or respect how you process your feelings or for men who don’t process their feelings at all. It always comes out in the body silently; usually in an eating disorder or some other illness. The person doesn’t have to say a word and many times won’t because they’re being harassed for who they are naturally by some around them. Its already been proven that the feelings and thoughts go directly into the cells of the body if a person can’t discuss it or say it for fear of more offloading from others. There’s nowhere else for it to go. Here is my article on it with page numbers that will refer you to the specific lab tests done at the NIH proving it!

Emotion carrying peptides in our bodies cells

EVERY HUMAN BEING HAS FEELINGS WHETHER THEY’RE AWARE OF THEM OR NOT. NO ONE IS 100% RATIONAL OR LEFT BRAINED ONLY. It’s a neurological impossibility. Therefore it’s a big human need for us to express our feelings, not just our thoughts or opinions all the time. That leads to a dead-end; usually, a hypocritical one where you can say anything that’s expedient to sell something and then turn around in your private life and be exceedingly messed up. It’s almost expected in American culture to have a messed up private life.

People-who-call-you-names-only-say-it-because-they

Remember that name-calling by others is just your refusal to adjust for their benefit. Plus, they feel guilty about being who they are and are projecting it onto you. I personally have no shame or guilt. I know if I do something wrong (not on purpose but it’s still a mistake), I fix it either in myself or with the other person.  I’ve been called;

  • freak by my sister
  • different by my dad
  • too sensitive by my son’s father
  • defensive by my mom
  • lost
  • very talented
  • very smart
  • great singer with a unique voice
  • cool
  • good writer
  • unique
  • Princess (by my fiance Michael who died)
  • good hugger
  • hot and sweet
  • funny

You see it’s a mixed bag there but what is interesting are the people closest to me who know me best revile me and are hateful. That’s been going on my whole life. Halfway through my life now, I’ve realized there is no amount of love or patience that can heal a sick soul. I’m done. Also, note that the ones who say the worst things to you die early are already dead or ill. It’s their own self-loathing that makes them lash out and treat you like shit. They treat themselves like shit and it’s your duty to stay away from them and love yourself and keep improving, even if they are family members or especially because they are family members. That is what my book “Healer” is about.

It happens all the time and depending on the circumstances and how much you need to depend on the circumstances will decide whether you adjust or not. We are a social creature but our socializing is with all life, not just with humans. Many people are better friends with their pet than another human being. I totally get that. I feel that way about trees. Not squirrels though. They’re jerks. Robins are cool.

Humans are the most challenging life form with which to socialize because most are still functioning in the primate brain. Monkeys have been known to start fights on purpose, just because they feel like it, kill each other and then eat their own kind; cannibalism. That DNA is in all of us unless you are Rh-negative blood type. It’s the Rhesus monkey factor. I believe it’s contributed to a host of anti-social behavioral problems in humans but it’s obvious it’s there. Rh-negative folks are behaviorally very different than Rh-positive.

I recommend that everyone find a way to express and develop your vision and creative self. You’ll need to get to work on it. Think positively about what you WANT to happen and don’t worry about what COULD happen. Those wishes and feelings are very powerful when applied to yourself. It’s worked gangbusters for me and really IS the intuition. Go for it! Do it silently unless you have a friend who really loves and takes care of themselves. Then they won’t attack you as your life and body improve. If you have just one person who says, “Awesome”, you’re fortunate.

 

Heartset-Body-Mindset


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I think we’re both but one needs to happen before the other. We need to BE who we are before we get caught up “in the action” of the world or are afraid of missing out which is all the rage these days. You can’t substitute doing for being or you’ll trip up. I’m in that spot a bit right now, trying to get my vibe to relax into how I really feel. In my case, it’s a conundrum.

There are plenty of doer addicts who admonish you to take action when it comes to your own life but not very many who admonish you to sit still, go within, meditate, observe, be in nature or just BE, wherever you are. The doer addicts look very fit and toned but that doesn’t mean they’re healthy. They find it more righteous and respectable to be doing something which they call productive.

When it comes to Mindset we have the Mind piece of Spirit-Body-Mind. But when it comes to the Spirit, we have Heartset. I view this as a spiritual trinity;

Heartset-Body-Mindset

3 nested heartsI’ve also set the order differently because I believe the mind is in the shadow of the Heart and the Heart is eternal. The mind and body are contained within the Heart that lasts forever in some form; even the body but not in a physical manner. Bodyworkers would say the etheric body because we can feel it when we touch the physical body.

You might be judged as lacking by doer addicts who whip themselves and others for not being a better person so there is a guilt vibe there and a need for penance. They may have been raised in that religion. That comes from childhood or how their parents treated them. There is deep pain there that either they aren’t conscious of or don’t have the ability yet to bring to the surface which is ok. Patience, forgiveness, and boundaries are called for but don’t ever stop loving someone just because they have layers. It’s the human condition after all. That said, if they are deep into self-hatred and hate others keep them at arms length. That energy is very toxic.

Set your heart and your mind and your body can be whole. But you must do both. I will be making a series of videos focusing on this topic.

 

Essay; Others Storms


Storm and Peace

This issue of a storm and peace is pivotal. First of all, don’t pull anyone anywhere for any reason. You are who you are and feel what you feel and they are who they are and feel what they feel. Either that meshes and flows or it doesn’t. You may have to go your own ways.

My intuition and yours also can tell what the deal is especially between men and women.

Men are a storm because of their testosterone and they should NOT be expected to change when that is the way their bodies are. Women are peace because of estrogen and they should not be expected to change when that is the way our bodies are. Aggressive women these days have become that way because they’ve been expected to “fit in with the guys” in order to survive patriarchy when we don’t have the apparatus or hormones! This issue has really affected my health living with men that I loved dearly including my son. All the studies back me up. Women’s health declines living with a man and man’s health improves. It’s completely unlevel.

You guys are stressful because of your testosterone! And then you act like we should have more testosterone to be more like you! Some women are up to the task of becoming bitches and fighting and whipping ya’ll and each other and many do but I’m not. In no way am I called to fight, wrangle, and collar a man, control him, boss him, and expend all my energy on his high maintenance dramatic self. I literally don’t have it in my body and it’s not my calling on the planet. That’s why I’ve never wanted to be married. I took one look at how men operate as a young girl and I’m like, “Ummm, no. Why would any kindly, intelligent woman want to live with a man?”

I’ve said this before, it’s not that I don’t adore men and I am very attracted to them. I adore men as species and I’ve loved a few but I knew I couldn’t live with a man in my youth. Young men, fertile age, with a woman, fertile age, is like hell to me. Now that I’m older, I see men’s testosterone drop which is SUPER FINE for a female like me. They are calmer, don’t stomp around or want to eat and have sex all the time. Oh, thank god. I’m actually hoping maybe I can live with a man now that I’m older.

This placard could read, “Women, don’t let men pull you into their testosterone storm. Men, don’t let women pull you into their estrogen peace. (or kill your manhood)” A woman will read that and say, “Are you crazy? They need to calm down.” Sorry girlfriend, I don’t want a gay man or one that’s too domesticated. I like a man with plenty of testosterone. That doesn’t mean I can live with him though.

Essay; I had a Zoosk Date


 

zoosk

I guess I’ll just see how many people read this to see if I should continue. I could even add my psychic impressions although that’s pretty personal for the other person.

It’s Saturday night and I’ve already gotten 49 views and messages combined on Zoosk that I don’t want because I already met someone I like. I’m proving that there are dating and libido after 50. I’m 55. That’s sunk in now. I’ve finally got it figured out that most of the men are waiting for the woman to show a real interest in them. She needs to perk up and show some sincere “something” or they won’t really chat you up. However, my fella did! Yes, I found someone I like after looking through hundreds of pics and reading profiles. It’s exhausting. No, no, no, no, no, as you click through. Cute, but no. Nice, but no. Hmmm, sexy, but no. Confident!, but no.

Luckily, I didn’t have to figure that out or act on it today because YESTERDAY, a really hot guy with fire in his eyes chatted me up and initiated. OMG. So, there again, I really noted it in my brain how his face made me feel. I was very attracted to his strength with a big heart that I could see in his eyes, and…a bit of grief. None of the other men had that in their eyes the way he did. They had other things in their eyes but nothing I was very interested in. Women understand. Even if a man is very fit, handsome, blah, blah, blah, he has to have that something that a woman can’t put their finger on that makes us sit up and say, “Who is he? Oh my.” And then, I couldn’t stop staring at his face. THEN, he was very emotionally brave, again that’s so hot, and said he wanted to get together and meet me tonight, had time, where did I want to go, and complimented the bejeebers out of me. Again, so hot. For all I know he’s acting. I hear guys do that. Well, he had it down.

I’m a little like a guy in that I don’t like talking or talking about myself, I’m not a typical girl that just speaks right up about what she wants and gets assertive. I’m not bitchy either. When I’m with a man I want him to lead because in every other aspect of my life I’m in charge, the opposite of fertile women who are paying the piper. I’m paid up.

I’m very soft. I am assertive in my own life on behalf of things that affect me. But chasing a guy? No way no how. I have no clue what to say to a guy. I’m realizing that could have hung me up all these years. I never wanted to chase a guy because I’ve never wanted to be married. Not at all. Is my Twin Flame in the back of my mind at this point? Yes. He’s always there and not talking to me. My intuition tells me he’s seeing someone else too. It’s like I don’t exist. So…I’m dating also. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose.

Well, he took care of that and initiated. Thank God! He was confident too and had his own business just like me. We met at a hip joint for a drink, it was very cool, close to my house and was a blast. When he saw me in the window from outside he sort of jumped and came right in and we had a big hug. We are about the same height but he is very trim and fit and younger than me. Still, I think all that was good. I felt like I knew him already. That’s a good sign. We talked and laughed, asked each other questions for two hours and then he had to go. He was headed up north to work on the house he’s building on 40 acres. We had another big hug goodnight and then I texted and thanked him for buying me a drink and he said he really enjoyed himself. We laughed really hard together. It was a riot. I think I may hear from him but who knows. Of course, being a brainwashed girl by our society the first thing I think is, “Maybe I’m too fat for him.” Every girl thinks that when she meets a guy. It’s nauseating. I actually really like my body now for the first time in a long time so I sort of doubt that.

The girl at the hostess stand came up to me after my date left and says, “Sooooo, how’d it go?” Girls do that with each other even if we’re strangers. lol. I said, “You saw how cute he was and how much we were laughing!” “Good job.” Oh my god. I actually had a date. I have no idea about the future nor am I worried. Que Cera, Cera. There are many fish in the sea and I’m fishing, even if I throw them back in. Yeah for me.