Intimacy; You’re not necessarily in a relationship just because you have sex.

just friends


What I’m seeing men do is, instead of doing a series of hook-ups, they decide to be monogamous with one woman. Then the assumption is that is a relationship. No, it’s not; not if you don’t have feelings for one another. It’s just an ongoing hookup which is not a relationship.

You’re in a relationship if you have an ongoing friendship, you care about one another, and you hang out and go out, you love talking to one another, you help each other out sometimes and you eat together. That might include sex, it might not. It might be intermittent sex or not. The man or woman’s sexual behavior does not define the parameters of what a relationship is.

It’s time for women to step up and speak up! We need to accept that sexual communication IS a relationship to men and they don’t understand anything much deeper or how to go about it. Women understand emotions and bonding moreso and absolutely need to mix that in with the sex. But we still should not let the man say, “We had sex so you’re my territory.” Maybe you’re just dating. Sex is just part of dating.

Women are territorial sexually as well but my point is, the emotional friendship bond is what really creates an ongoing relationship; not sex. That should be perfectly obvious given how many people have hook-ups and it means nothing. For that matter, sex doesn’t define marriage either.

13 Replies to “Intimacy; You’re not necessarily in a relationship just because you have sex.”

  1. Spot-on once again…I found out in the most difficult of ways. Don’t assume that someone has the same feelings for you that you have for them just because you’re enjoying sex together. One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn in life. I would say communication is the key. We never actually said that we were in a “relationship”…we never discussed monogomy….I just assumed that was a given. Boy was I wrong! And to think if she reached out today, I would seriously consider going back with her.

    1. I’m very sorry. It sounds like she’s missing some basic integrity and sensitivity. It is true these days that sex doesn’t mean love or bonding. I call it defacation sex. When ya gotta go ya gotta go and to me. It’s an abomination. You do need to actually discuss it.

      1. What got to me the most was the fact that she didn’t see anything that she’d done wrong and made it seem that I was the one who had the lack of integrity. Or perhaps she did realize what she had done was lacking integrity and didn’t want to be held accountable,,, and it certainly was obvious she just didn’t want to get caught. At least I did find out before we got much closer and for that, I am thankful.

      2. It’s funny how “integrity” is one of her go-to words to use. I always considered her to be sensitive, but I guess I was off the mark on that one too.

      3. She’s not very f….g sensitive if her having sex with another man isn’t considered to be affecting your feelings. I don’t think women are that different than men sometimes. It’s more the individual. Some men are turned on though by seeing their woman with another man? They aren’t territorial. I’m territorial with men.

      4. Too many are more than willing to do your think for you. I told her I was perfectly capable of thinking for myself and didn’t rely on others to tell me what I should or shouldn’t be thinking.

      5. Indeed…learning all about my co-dependency from my recovery program. I was co-dependent long before I was addicted. I can see it in family members and others who have not suffered from addiction. Of course, they are addicted to other people rather than a chemical substance. We just choose to call it “being helpful and loving” when it’s nothing more than wanting to be in control of others so we don’t feel uncomfortable.

      6. True. When we could just leave bc we don’t like them. Even if they’re family. It’s socially unacceptable for us to honor ourselves as individuals with feelings and differences from our family members it’s even taboo.

      7. I agree that men and women are more alike than most would think. I consider myself territorial as well.

    1. That’s not the way most men see it. You don’t own them just bc you had sex with them. It’s like defacatjngv tut o them. J uh st a body need. Just like we don’t own a man just bc we have talk to them. Women just need to talk. It’s not love.

      1. May not be love but I’m just saying for me I’m not giving out my cookies if we’re not trying to become seriously in a relationship. We will just date.l; talk and hangout not no sex. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

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