Heartset; Wounded Men and the Women Who Take Control of Them Instead of Empowering Them

 

let it kill you.

I guess I thought I might be getting into a rut, defining myself by my work and my private practice but I’m now thinking it’s FAR more important that I focus on that than finding a new mate. I’m not lonely. I love sleeping alone and don’t wax nostalgic over a man stomping up and down my stairs and making noise and a mess in my home. I do like men as lovers (if they know what they’re doing) and friends though so that’s what I was using dating for. The purpose of dating is not for sex and hookups. Sex is no big deal and can be part of it but in no way does it define it, despite the man’s priorities.

But it’s a mess out there. Men are beaten down and have no self-confidence or knowledge to actually date a fine woman. They do hook-ups, sluttily, with women who will let them, risk STDs, decide which woman turns them on the most or reminds him of his ex the most, lets her chain him to a whipping post and hang out in her dog house and call it a relationship. If she looks good hanging on his arm that’s all he needs for his ego. If she gives good head he can tell his buddies at work about it and it’s even better. That’s the state of affairs out there. He doesn’t know what else to do and then she gets to own him at least for a while. It’s truly pitiful.

The princely men, or who I thought were princely men, are slipping through my fingers one by one because they feel they are toads and then act like toads picking up the trollop women. What do I mean? A negative attitude, negative posts on social media, foolish behavior like drinking and driving and driving in a car with someone who has open liquor, smoking, lying, stalking, name-calling, selfishness, promiscuity, and blame. Three of them now. Didn’t I see the red flags? Yes! And thus didn’t go very far with it. I didn’t fall in love. God no. But they all have good traits as well.

Other women who tolerate these men either take advantage of them and use them for sex and a distraction from their own lack of self-determination and intelligence or become their friends. Some of this could be the Pygmalion complex in reverse. Eliza Doolittle in “My Fair Lady” was taken in as a cockney trollop and turned into a princess by Professor Henry Higgins. These days, the beaten-down trollop could be Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle would take him in and help him out. Women are far more empowered now. Many men have lost everything, just like many women but the women have people skills so we bounce back better. We also tend to get custody of our children more due to the natural mother-child bond that fathers and their children do not have. Fathers can have a bond to their children but in no way does it compare to the mother and it never will.  I know that’s controversial. The tables are becoming even though.

Many men are very threatened by women who make more money than them, are smart, beautiful and successful. They may then find a woman similar to that who is kinder and more vulnerable and caring and take out his rage and usage on her. He’s a victim, by his own admission and the big, bad powerful woman did it to him. Someone has to pay the price and usually the nice women who are compassionate fall in the trap. She’s the scapegoat. There could be layers of dysfunction and pain on the part of the adult wallowing in said pain. They haven’t gotten help or therapy or taken care of themselves. Maybe there is a good reason that their ex doesn’t want them to have any custody of their children. This could be either the father or the mother. Many women have no business being parents either. There is no way for a civilian to know the situation. The courts and social workers scope it out.

What is the lesson here? Compassion for someone wallowing in physical pain and self-pity can bite you in the ass. It doesn’t matter if it’s a man feeling compassion for a woman who is down and out or a woman feeling compassion for a man who is down and out. They need to save themselves and pay whatever price they need to pay to get back on their feet. And most of all, if they call you a friend, friends don’t lie. Lying is the worst. That’s life.

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